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That's When

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He swaggers into the gym and you gaze up at his cocky strut, pausing the lace up of your gloves up for a brief moment to take in all that is Benny Miller. You’ve come to this boxing gym for the past six months with one goal in mind; get him into the ring.  He’s good, the best really, and that’s why you want to spar with him, to prove yourself as a competent boxer. Knocking him down a peg at the same time sounds as delicious as you’re sure it will be to physically kick his ass. 


You resume working on your gloves as he makes his round of hellos, stopping to shoot the shit with his coach. His broad muscled back is to you and your tongue slips out to run the length of your lower lip at the sight. Benny is taller than you, muscled from days spent boxing and doing whatever it is that he did in the military. There’s no denying he’s beautiful either. He exudes a raw strength that only comes from years of tuning your body to its highest muscular frequency in every aspect. You shake your head trying desperately to clear your thoughts, knowing today is the day you’ll finally get your shot and the last thing you need is Benny’s power  in all things clouding your mind. You finish with your gloves and jump up, shaking out your shoulders and limbs, feeling the heat in your blood and the flush of adrenaline storm through you. 


“What? No fucking way.” Benny’s voice carries over the din of the gym and you still when his eyes pin you in a glare from across the room. You’re on opposite sides of the ring but he could be standing two inches in front of you with the heat radiating from his gaze to yours. Your breathing stalls for one dizzying moment before you see him shake his head and push past his coach to the locker rooms. You swallow and go back to warming up but feel fuzzy thinking of how he looked at you, a look that was almost… primal.



You duck under the ropes and enter the ring while Benny does the same on the other side. You take a steadying breath and shove your mouth guard in, watching his every move opposite you. He shakes his head, looking furious but mimicking your motions. His coach signals the start and you move to the balls of your feet, circling him while he watches you with skilled and determined eyes. You dart in with a right hook and he feints to the side, pushing your hand away like it was nothing. You circle, move in again, he blocks, you move in, he blocks. You grow frustrated as you wanted more of a fight from him, not just a dozen blocks. He refuses to make a move on you and that makes you flush with rage. You try one more time to get him to let out the skills you’ve seen time and time again on other opponents, hitting his ribs before he can block you. A growl rumbles through his chest and you smirk at your well placed hit, but he doesn’t move to strike back. This time you let out a snarl, dropping quickly into a crouch and sweeping your leg under his, toppling him to the ground. He lets out a whoosh of air and before he can move to get up you put your foot on his chest and spit out your mouth guard. 

“What the fuck is that, Miller!” You yell, infuriated at him, your blood roaring in your ears.

 He stays silent, breathing hard beneath your bare foot.  


“Why won’t you fight back, god damnit!” You lean in, putting pressure on his chest and you see a flash in his eyes before he grabs your ankle and flips you, rolling himself on top of you and straddling your hips. He leans down, getting in your face before he turns to spit out his mouth guard and looking back to meet your eyes. 


“I will not fight you.” His voice is deep and ragged, dominant. Your chest is heaving, embarrassed at how quickly he pinned you down and now acutely aware of where his body is touching yours, the pressure of his hips surrounding yours and his hands on either side of your head. He breathes across your face and he smells minty and male. His blue eyes dart around your face, taking in the way your hair is plastered to your forehead with sweat, your mascara no doubt smudged, your cheeks flushed red, before landing on your lower lip that you sucked between your teeth when he spoke. His eyes lingered there before snapping back to yours and you could swear you see a fire dancing in the blue depths. The corner of his mouth tips up in a smirk and suddenly you're reminded that he’s pinned you down and everyone is definitely staring. 


“Ugh, get off me”, you grumble as you use all your strength to shove at his shoulder and he rolls off of you, allowing you to scramble to your feet and stomp out of the ring. You beeline for the locker room and strip off your gloves, throwing them at your locker door and sitting down hard on the bench. You yank the braid of your hair forward and undo it, letting it fall around your heated shoulders to shroud your face which you bury in your hands, pissed all the way the fuck off. You waited months for this opportunity and he took it as seriously as if he was fighting a child. You blow out a frustrated breath, your hair parting in its wake. 


Why wouldn’t he take me seriously? Why wouldn’t Benny fight back?


You stalk into the shower and strip, letting the water wash away the embarrassment and residual anger at how easy he handled you. Your anger was slowly replaced by curiosity and a small thrill. The way he handled you, his hands so close to the delicate skin of your neck and the weight of him on top of you, heating the blood in your veins. You lather the soap, slipping your hands across the planes of your stomach and up to your breasts, closing your eyes and wondering if his breath would be as cool as his mint gum against your skin; how those smirking lips might feel in the hollow of your throat, a trail of kisses and maybe bites? H e looks like he bites. You exhale on that thought and finish up, wrapping a towel around your breasts, it barely hitting mid-thigh.


You pad quietly back to your locker only to find Benny leaning up against it, freshly showered, damp hair curling at the nape of his neck, the bulk of it hidden by a backwards ball cap. Instead of yelling or feigning embarrassment at him seeing you in a towel you put a hand on his chest and push him back to get your clothes from your locker. 


“What do you want, Benny?” You sigh,  throwing a t-shirt over your head, picking up your thong and moving to turn around in the privacy of the towel now around your hips when he grabs your wrist. Your eyes dart to his, narrowing in question. 


“I didn’t mean I wouldn’t fight you because you aren’t capable enough to prove a challenge for me.” You blink slowly, willing him to continue, his fingers lightly stroking the pulse in your wrist. “I just didn’t want to fight you. ” 


You cock your head to the side, not understanding the breathy way he said “ you ”. He sits down on the bench, pulling you to stand in front of him. At this angle with him peering up at you, he looks devastatingly handsome and it steals the air from your lungs. His blue eyes dancing, his straight nose, the plush fullness of his lips and the five o’clock shadow adorning his chin is enough to stop your heart.


“I..I don’t understand”, your murmur, your tone soft and curious. His other hand reaches for the fabric of shirt and towel gathered at your waist and grips it, the heat from his palm shooting sparks along your skin. You wait just a second before dropping your thong, smirking when it lands on his thigh, and reach your palm up to connect with the soft stubble along his jaw, his grip on your wrist a delirious heat. 


“Benny, what do you mean because it’s me ?” He nuzzles his cheek against your palm and your heart beats wildly in your chest at the tenderness of his action. 


“I mean, I’ve been watching you every day for months and the only thing I can think of is laying you down on this bench and kissing every inch of your body until you can’t stand it any longer and you beg me to fuck you.” 


Your mouth drops open in surprise and he takes the opportunity to move his hand to the back of your neck and pull your mouth against his. His tongue snaked out to coat your bottom lip and enter your mouth as if he did it every day. Your shock turned to white hot pleasure and you let out a moan that he swallowed. He continues tasting you, teasing you with his tongue and making promises you can feel deep in your core he will make good on. He grabs your legs and snaps his own shut, pulling you in to straddle his lap, pushing your towel up your thighs until you’re sure you’re no longer concealed, instead intimately bared to him. 


He runs his hard hands up the expanse of your thigh and squeezes, making you shift on his lap and hum into his mouth. He leans back with a sigh and rests his forehead to yours, meeting your eyes, half clouded with lust.

 “Benny”, you breathe,  his name a plea and a curse, not knowing what else to say but knowing you already mourned the loss of his lips against yours. Your combined breathing echoes in the locker room, the rest of the gym only a set of doors away.


You shift on his lap, seeking friction, the ache of arousal pulsing through you and making you writhe. He catches his breath and slides his palms to grip the cheeks of your ass hard, bruising and erotic, pulling you into his hardening length, sending your eyes skyward at the sharp pleasure. You rock against his erection, going half mad at the knowledge you made him this hard. He dips his head to bite your neck, grazing his teeth against the sensitive nerve endings and sending moans spilling from your lips. He keeps one rough hand kneading your ass cheek and slides the other across the front of your hip to dive into the slick folds of your center, eliciting a gasp from you. His skilled fingers skate around your pulsing clit while allowing one to slowly circle the entrance to your body. 


Your hands grip the hair at the nape of his neck and you rock against his hand, making him chuckle darkly and the sound shoots through your chest. He slips one finger inside of you and you bite your lip to stop from crying out, the onslaught of pleasure and the steady rhythm he has against your clit makes you want to come undone right here on his lap. He adds a finger, stretching and working them inside you before withdrawing them and bringing your slick up to his lips. You lean back to look down at him as his fingers push past his grinning lips and he hums as he licks up your taste. You let out a low whimper when he meets your gaze, using the hand he just had at his mouth to grip your chin and bring you down for a kiss. You taste the tangy flavor, uniquely your own, mixed with his minty breath and it makes you almost fall apart at the seams. 


You kiss him hard, the passion overflowing from you and into him. He shifts you off of his lap and you whine at the loss of his body under yours as he lays you back against the bench and peels back the towel. You grip the edge of your t-shirt and fling it off your body, leaving you undeniably exposed to him. He straddles the bench, hooking his arms under your thighs, simultaneously lifting you and bending down to meet your heated center. His tongue makes a slow swipe up through your folds and your hands fly up to palm your breasts, pinching your nipples gently and moaning Benny’s name. You feel him smile against you as his tongue swirls around your clit, sucking and licking at it, slipping a thick finger into you once more. The pressure and the pleasure is making you dizzy with need as he pumps in and out of you, switching positions with his finger and his tongue diving into your pussy like a man starved. 


“God, you’re so wet for me, so good", he murmurs against your skin and you arch your back, feeling closer to the sweet precipice of orgasm with each second. His other hand snakes up to press against your stomach and the pressure of his hold on you makes you breathless and achy. He continues to suck and lick and swirl his tongue, twisting his fingers until you’re writhing. He pulls away slightly, blowing a cool breath against your drenched folds and you nearly cry, you were so close.


“Cum for me, darlin.” His baritone sends a shot of desire straight to your center as he dives back in, expertly sucking your clit into his mouth, teeth barely grazing the tight bundle of nerves and your head hits the bench hard, thrown back with the force of such a brilliant orgasm. Lights dance across the inside of your eyelids and your whole body flushes with endorphins. He leans up, tenderly cradling your thighs against his own, licking your juices off his lips. 


Your chest rises and falls and you feel like a puddle of bliss. He offers you a hand and you take it. He pulls you up to sitting and reaches over to grab your shirt, gesturing for you to lift your arms so he can  slip it over your head. His hands cup your cheeks and you lean into his palm and look up at him. He smiles at you and your heart flip flops at the brilliance and boyishness of it. 


“Get dressed, baby. I want to show you something.” You smile back at him and get dressed while he slips out of the locker room, allowing you a moment to catch your breath and slip out without everyone seeing you leave together. 




"Where exactly are you taking me, Miller?” You ask, breathlessly. Benny has his hands over your eyes and you’re doing all you can not to trip and take the both of you down. “Just a few more feet.” His words are a warm whisper on the shell of your ear and it sends a shiver down your back, a delicious shiver at that. He pulls you to a stop and kisses the nape of your neck where he pulled your hair to the side. 


“Okay, open your eyes.” He pulls his hands away from your eyes, grabbing for yours and holding them in front of you, his arms pulling you back into his chest. He had led you to a meadow and arranged a blanket out on the grass, a cooler and a lantern to use when dusk became nightfall. Your breath leaves you in a small gasp as you struggle to find your words. Just an hour ago you had his handsome face between your thighs coaxing a mind blowing orgasm out of you and now here he is, being so …sweet


You turn in his arms and take his face in your hands, dragging his lips down to yours. You have to stand on tip toe and he holds you close with his arms against your lower back. You gently nip at his lower lip and you hear a heady sigh as he slips his tongue against yours and pulls you tighter. 


“Wow, Benny, how did you pull this off in like, no time at all?” He nuzzles his scruff against your neck and you arch, letting him gain access to the soft skin there. “I don’t really think that’s what matters right now, baby.” 


You smile, gripping the bill of his backwards cap and tossing it off, finally free to run your hands through his soft hair. He groans against your throat and sends the sound vibrating through your body. You scratch your nails lightly against his scalp just before he slips his hands to the backs of your thighs and picks you up, your legs going around his waist like you’ve done this a million times. He continues his assault on your neck as he kneels and lays you down on the blanket, his hips creating a grinding rhythm against your pussy. You lean your head back and let out a whimper, still sensitive from earlier and more than ready for whatever he’ll give you.


His attention is at your collarbone and he nips the skin there before running his hands up to the collar of your t-shirt and ripping it right in half. You gasp at the blast of cool air against your naked chest but he’s quick to cover one of your hardening nipples with his mouth, rolling it between his teeth and palming the other with his large hand. You close your eyes and keep your hands in his hair, tugging at it, smoothing it and then tugging it again. He hums against you and you shift under him, desperate to feel the impressive length you barely got to sample earlier.


“Benny, please”, you whimper and whine. 


“Benny, please what?” His voice is gruff and choked while he nips at the tender flesh of your nipple. 


“Benny…Benny, please I need you”, you beg. He smiles against your skin but doesn’t move to take it further. Frustrated and sexually charged you grip his hair and pull, forcing his attention to your face. His blue eyes are alight with passion and you can tell he likes to be handled like this. 


“Benny, if you don’t fuck me right now", you growl. "I’m going to just die.” your voice went soft on the last word. The smile he flashes you is all predator and you quickly realize you’ve made yourself his prey. He leans up, gripping the back of his shirt and pulling it off, his chest rising and falling quickly as he wants above you. You sit up and your hands dive for the button on his jeans and he’s helping you, his big hands dwarfing your own until he’s finally down to his boxers. He pushes your hands away before you can get them off and nudges you back, bending down and hooking your thigh over his shoulder before taking a long and agonizingly slow lick of your wet center.


“Look at you already so wet for me, so fucking sweet.” You blush, knowing you had been wet since the locker room, knowing what his skilled tongue did to you. He sucks on your clit and you nearly come out of your body. 


“Benny, God, please.” You are all feeling and raw nerve endings and there’s nothing in that moment you need more than him inside of you. He grips the thigh on his shoulder and flips you so you’re on your knees and in a second he is slotted behind you, his thick cock freed from his boxers and running through your folds, drenching him. He grips your hips painfully but nothing is as painful as the anticipation.


“Tell me what you want, baby.” You shiver, your naked bodies on display in the fading sunlight. 


“I want you to fuck me.” Your voice is soft but sure and he growls before he lines himself up and pulls you back onto his dick, inch by inch stretching and filling you until he’s bottomed out and you’re panting with the fullness of him. His fingers flex against your hips and he pumps into you, impossibly large. Every movement shoots pleasure though your body like a lightning strike. He continues to drive into you, reaching a hand down to pinch your clit, eliciting a light scream from you. 


“That’s right baby, scream for me.” His words make you clench and he moans, fucking you faster and harder. You feel your orgasm coiling in your belly and you pant out his name over and over like it's a prayer and he’s your God. He circles your clit, rubbing your slick and thrusting into you like you’re his salvation when he sends you over the edge. You scream, loud and clear, starbursts of energy exploding behind your eyes and pleasure cascading through your body. He pulls out and uses your orgasm that coated his cock as lubricant, pumping himself in his hand. You’re shaking and sated but he isn’t done with you. He turns you over and pulls you into his lap, lining himself up and letting you take your time sliding back down on his cock. Your walls are impossibly tight, still fluttering, and you moan as you take his length in until he hits the deepest part of you, the sharp pleasure making you want to cry. 


“Put your arms around my neck", he groans and you do as he commands and he begins to fuck up into you, each thrust sending liquid lust through your veins. 


“Benny, you feel so good.” Your words are barely more than moans and it pleases him. He responds with a deep kiss, stealing your breath into his lungs while he fucks you senseless. He grunts into your mouth, your tongues tangling. Your nails dig into his shoulders and he growls deeply, thrusting all he has up into you. You kiss a trail across his jaw to his ear, “Cum inside me Benny, please I need it.” 


His grip on you tightens and you know you’ll bruise but his thrusts get more erratic just as he shoves his hand between you and finds your clit, rolling it between his fingertips, the friction and his cock stretching you causing you to nearly black out from pleasure. He thrusts particularly deeply and hits your g spot, rubbing your clit so expertly you cry out as another orgasm takes you and your inner walls clench around him. 


He groans into your neck and bites down hard as you feel him release into you. Your movements slow down and you hold on to Benny like you might float away otherwise. He kisses and soothes the bite he made, blowing on the reddened flesh and you sigh, leaning your head against his temple. You take a minute to catch your breath and slowly disentangle your embrace. You use your ruined shirt to clean up the mess and he tosses his over for you to wear, pulling on his boxers and flopping back down on the blanket.


He opens his arms to you and you go to him happily, snuggling into his chest just as the stars begin to shine. He runs a hand though your hair gently and you’re struck with how much you don’t know about him. Up until today you thought he was just a good boxer, a military guy. But Benny Miller just gave you the biggest and most intense pleasure of your life and your heart stuttered at the thought. 


“You look so beautiful in the starlight.” Your thoughts had taken you away from the moment and you didn’t realize he had been gazing down at you while you stared at the sky. You give him a shy smile and the one he returns threatens to fill your heart to bursting. 


“So do you.” You arch your neck to meet his lips in a tender kiss. 


You lay under the stars, resting against Benny’s chest until you’re mostly asleep, happy and warm in his arms, his lips on your hairline. His voice is a whisper in the night sounds of the meadow but you hear it clearly, “You’re mine now.” 


You smile, not knowing what that will mean or what tomorrow will bring but the thumping of your heart tells you it’s right.

Chapter Text

The moon illuminates your apartment as you unlock the door, Benny’s hand pressed into the small of your back and propelling you forward. With his back to you he takes his time making sure the door is locked while you take a moment to savor the way his broad shoulders and muscled back fill out his t-shirt. 


You bite softly into the flesh of your lower lip, still slightly swollen from stolen kisses and a million promises only his mouth could make. He turns to you, pulling his phone from his pocket and selecting a song. He tosses it on the counter, the volume all the way up and music spills into the dark space. Benny’s smile makes you weak in the knees but he offers his hand and you take it eagerly; spinning in a circle, right into his arms. His arms cradle your body close, his hands indecently close to the curve of your ass and his lips on your hairline. He begins to sing and it surprises you how decadent his voice is; all deep soul and rhythm. 


He spins you around your apartment, singing the whole time and dazzling you with smiles when you look up at him, enraptured. When the song ends and fades away you slowly sway in the dim light and snuggle against his chest, breathing in the scent of ceder and woodsmoke that always seemed to cling to him. 


“I need to talk to you about something.” He murmurs, quiet and thoughtful. You rest your chin on his chest and gaze up at him, your arms reaching for the back of his neck and the soft hair curled there.


“What is it, Benny?” 


His blue eyes are pained, “I have to go to work tomorrow.” 


You smile sadly, your brain catching on that he's not talking about some simple day job.“Okay, what does that mean?” A hand comes up to cradle your cheek, a move you are already too fond of. 


“It means I might be gone for a while and I want to know something before I go.” He swallows a lump in his throat and you don’t miss the emphasis he places on the word *gone*. You turn your face into his palm and lay a soft kiss there. 


“What is that?” His thumb rubs your cheek as his other hand comes to rest gently against the side of your neck. 


“Will you be here when I get back?” 


There it is, the question you feared but also dared to hope he would ask. Did he want you here? Would you sound desperate if you jumped at the opportunity to be the one he came home to? Was this just a fling that shouldn’t mean anything? Should you be feeling so strongly after one day in his arms? 


You take a measured breath, “Do you want me to be?” His eyes flutter shut and without opening them he answers, his voice barely audible. 


“More than anything, I want you to be here waiting for me.” Your heart soars at his soft confession, choosing to cling to hope and push past the fear of rejection. You lean up pressing your lips against his and pull him tighter to you still. 


“I’ll be here as long as you want me to be.” Your words float softly around the both of you and he takes a breath, leaning his head against yours, 


“Music to my ears, baby", he sighs. Relief rolls off of him in waves that settles over your heart and steels your resolve to wait for Benny Miller forever. Was there ever any other decision? After tonight you know there wouldn’t be. 


With one of Benny’s hands in both of yours, you pad to your bed and push against his chest until he’s lying flat, blue eyes boring into yours. You take a teasing and leisurely approach to undressing, all the while admiring the sharp breaths he's pulling into his lungs at the growing expanse of your bare skin. When you slip your panties off and kick them to the side, his pants are ragged and you let out a light giggle. “This is our last night for awhile, huh?”


His response is simply a nod as you crawl up his legs to straddle his hips. “Let’s make it count, baby.” 


“You’ve taken such incredible care of me today", you whisper. His eyes are pinned to you, making you feel dominant, powerful and sexy. “Let me return the favor.” You undo the button of his jeans and work them down, the denim grazing your already throbbing center. You settle back over his hips and feel him hardening under you, a thrill running through you at the sensation. Your hands skate under his t-shirt, nails dragging lightly across his abdomen to his pecs where you dig in, eliciting a low groan. 


“Do you want me to suck you off, Benny?” His body freezes under you and you risk a peek up at him, the primal energy his gaze fixes you makes you whimper. 


His boxers come off easily and you are then face to face with his cock, decadent and begging for your mouth. A bead of precum glistened at the tip, just begging to be lapped up. You do so; eagerly swirling your tongue over his tip and savoring the flavor, humming in indulgence. Benny’s hand comes to rest against your cheek and you lean into it before taking his cock into your mouth all the way to the back of your throat. You continue humming as you keep him as deep as possible, running your tongue against the underside and applying pressure with your lips. His moans spur you on and his hand slips to your hair.  You slide your mouth up until his cock threatens to spill from your lips and you suck back down until he’s back in your throat. You gag, the length too much and too thick for you to handle. 


He is resistant to add pressure on your head but the grip on your hair suggests he is teetering on the edge of restraint. You continue to suck him, bobbing up and down, taking him deeper, gently grazing your teeth against his shaft causing him to cry out sharply. You meet the hand buried in your hair and lace your fingers through his, relinquishing control. He takes it instantly, setting your mouth at a punishing pace, your lips swollen and your throat sore. He hits the back of your throat one more time causing you to cough and he pulls your hair hard causing his cock to slip from your lips.


Your saliva is still trailing from him to your mouth and you lick your lips reverently, peering up at Benny expectantly. His tameless expression is enough to make your inner walls clench. His hold on your hair is dominant and unyielding, adding to the ache throbbing through your center. He pulls you up to him, your folds skimming across his rock hard length. He kisses you hard, snaking his tongue into your mouth, demanding a taste of himself. You rub against him shamelessly, seeking delicious friction and moaning into him. He eats your sounds and he fists himself and rubs the head of his cock through your folds, spanking your clit and forcing a strangled cry from you. 


“You like that, baby?” You nod against his mouth, writhing against him in encouragement. 


“Tell me who you belong to.” His voice is commanding and blindingly erotic. 


“What?" You ask, dazed and aching against him.

He slides his cock to your entrance and shifts his hips, barely entering you and making your eyes roll back as you moan loudly.


“Tell me who you belong to.” His words are staccato, his concentration evident in the crease of his brow. He pushes in an inch and you feel like combusting.


“Tell me.” He withdraws his cock and a tear slips from the corner of your eye, the pleasure falling like heavy chains all around you. 


“You!” You cry out, your voice hoarse. “You, Benny! I’m yours!” 

He kisses you desperately and thrusts up into your tight cunt, no longer reserving his control. You scream as he hits the deepest part of you and his cock fills you until you’re sure you’re being split open. His fingers find your clit and pinch, sending a shot of pure lust rolling through you. You do your best to meet his movements but he’s going too fast and you’re just holding onto him for fear you’ll be bucked off. He circles your clit once, twice more and you are hurtling toward a supernova of an orgasm. He speeds up, his release so closely timed with yours. As he thrusts as deeply as possible you scream out his name and he spills out his release into you.


 His movements lessen and you ride him through your twin orgasms, circling your hips and peppering hot open mouthed kisses along his neck. His moans a sinful chorus to your ears.


You lay on his chest for a few blissed out moments and he kisses the top of your head before gently pulling you off of him and into his side. His spend is seeping down your thighs but there’s something so primitive about his release adorning your body that you leave it there and snuggle closer. 


The moments slip past, with the only sound of your synchronized breathing. “Promise you’ll come home to me, Benny.” It isn’t a question and you don’t exactly expect an answer. He squeezes you into him, slipping a hand under your chin to catch your eyes with his own. 


“I promise.” He places a delicate kiss to the tip of your nose. 


You fall asleep cradled against Benny’s chest and in your dreams he’s spinning you around your apartment and singing softly to you. He kisses you with every promise of tomorrow. He holds you so intimately it scares you half to death. His face lights up with the brilliance of his smile, the curious way he tilts his head when you talk. The smirk he gives you when he’s up to no good. In your dreams Benny tells you all the things you want to hear but could never wish for in real life. 


Early in the morning you feel him slide from the bed and you curl around his pillow, breathing in his cologne and scent of sweat. Your sleep-addled brain won’t let you open your eyes but you hear him moving around the room, knowing he's still there puts you at ease and your dreams whisper a siren song that pull you under once more. 


“I’ll come back to you, darlin. I swear I will.” Benny kisses you so softly that it shatters your heart. You reach out to him and he holds your hand for a moment before turning to leave. Only when the click of your front door echoes around your apartment do you let the tears fall. You bury your face in the scent of your lover and cry for him. Cry for the uncertainty of his mission, the depth of emotion for him, the undeniable fact you didn’t want to face. You love him, you are so in love with Benny Miller. 




Benny can see the truck speeding down the beach and does everything he can to navigate through the waves crashing around him. 


“Come on, come on!” he bellows. His friends float Tom’s dead body toward the boat and his stomach sinks as he heaves it onboard. Will, Santi and Fish climb up the hull as a shower of bullets rain down on them. As soon as they’re in, Benny pushes the small boat’s motor to its limit to get them to safety. The expanse of beach fades behind him and his thoughts turn sour at the FUBAR mission they just endured and barely survived. 


Who would he be when he got back stateside? Who would they all be? 


While Santi and Fish hold each other, Will places a strong hand on Benny’s shoulder. The comfort sinking into his skin but not penetrating deep enough to soothe the guilt at losing their friend and brother in arms. 


Your sleeping form slips into his consciousness, the horizon his only guide on the water. Your easy breathing, the sigh you made when he kissed you awake and left you with nothing but his promises.


If there was one thing Benny Miller knew after leaving the shore with three friends and an occupied body bag it was that nothing on earth would stand in the way of making you his - forever. 


Chapter Text

A rustling inside your living room startled you awake and in the span of a breath you’re reaching for the gun in your nightstand. The shuffle of feet across the area rug to the threshold of your door prompts you to raise and aim your Glock. You blink, allowing your eyes to adjust to the darkness of your bedroom with the faint moonlight painting the silhouette of a man standing in your doorway. A man who’s build is shockingly familiar, one that had held you while you rode to glorious orgasms and swung you around your apartment in a dance. 




A whisper in the night and the only response is a strangled whimper as he slumps to his knees, his head in his hands. You click the safety back on your gun and place it on the tabletop next to you before vaulting over your bed to the ground, sliding on your knees to where Benny sits shaking. 


 Again, “Benny.”


 He doesn’t look up so you take his face gently from his palms and into your own to look him over. He won’t meet your eyes but you feel moisture against the pads of your fingers and you tenderly wipe away his tears. 


“Baby, what’s wrong? What happened?” 


You move closer until you’re forced to straddle his lap, your body molding perfectly to his. He doesn’t embrace you, the hands you memorized the feel of against your naked flesh lay limp at his sides. You bring your face down to catch his eyes and they finally shift to meet yours. The pain screaming in his blue irises stills the air in your lungs. The anguish radiating from Benny nearly cripples you where you sit astride him. 


“Oh, God. Please, Benny say something.” 


He mewls sorrowfully against your palms and your heart constricts achingly in your chest. His eyes dart around your room, anywhere but directly at you until there is nowhere else for them to land. The tears that flood over his lower lashes speak to a tsunami of grief. 


His voice is barely audible, “I couldn’t save him.” 


You shut your eyes, an onslaught of feeling surging through you, desperate to comfort your man. This big, beautiful man who had so recently stolen your heart. You slide a hand to the back of his neck and bring his forehead to your shoulder, cradling him tenderly against you, rocking back and forth soothingly. You don’t have to hear more to understand this mission didn’t go as planned, there was at least one casualty. But was Benny another? Because this wasn't the same man who kissed you so sweetly the morning he left. In your heart you know there aren’t any words to heal him right now but that doesn’t stop the ones that spill from your lips. 


“Honey, I’m so sorry. I can’t possibly imagine how you’re feeling right now. Please tell me what I can do. Let me help you.”


Your voice cracks on the last word, not wanting to add to any burden he’s bearing but unable to stop yourself from crying. His shoulders shake against you and you hold him as he cries, your tears mixing together as they fall to your thighs. Your heart is beating out a gentle melody to his, wanting more than anything to smooth the jagged edges. You have no idea how long you sit there absorbing the torment coming from Benny before he places his hands on your hips, the sudden warmth of his palms startling you. 


“Wha-” Your sentence is cut short by the intensity of his stare. 


“I can’t do this.” His voice is monotone but the cool edge sends your stomach clenching. 


“I...What?” Jarring, pure shock. “I don’t understand…”

His hands grip your waist tightly and move you off of his lap as he scoots back to stand. You don’t immediately scramble after him but sit in a cloud of confusion at his feet. His eyes shuttered to any emotion and that sends you reeling even more than his sharp words. 


“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come here.” He turns to leave your bedroom, the hand you were reaching out to his leg falling flat on the hardwood. 


You rise quickly, your muscles protesting, and rush to grab the back of his shirt. You tug on it and panic when he doesn’t instantly stop. 


“Wait, Benny! What the hell is happening right now?” Hysteria creeps into your words, intentional or not. 


His shoulders rise and fall in an exaggerated sigh before he turns and grabs the hand fisted in his shirt, pulling it free. He holds your hand in his and the touch is almost intimate, an extreme opposite to his demeanor. In a move so utterly baffling, he brings your hand up to his lips and presses a gentle kiss against your knuckles, then drops it. He turns again and places the spare key you keep hidden on the counter, before walking right out your door. 


The shock keeps you rooted to the spot for a moment, your knuckles still warm from Benny’s lips. But your feet find strength and you’re running after him. You’re through the door, hearing it bang against the wall and not caring if anyone wakes up because of it. You spring down the stairs at the end of the hall and almost slam into his broad back. You seize his arm and will him to stop moving, stepping in front of him and pushing your other hand to his chest. 


“Don’t you dare walk out on me right now.” At the last second you plead, “Please.” 


Benny looks haggard in the light of the stairwell, a beard grown in fully where there was only stubble before. The lines between and around his eyes suggest weariness and anguish. His handsome mouth is turned down in such a devastating frown your heart simply shatters at the sight of it. The hand on his chest moves to cup his cheek and for a second you dare to hope he will lean into your touch. 


“I couldn’t save him, I won’t be able to save you.” His voice is gruff, despondent and resolute. 


Your eyes bounce around his face in bewilderment, save me?


“You don’t have to save me, Benny...I’m okay baby.” You hope your voice is reassuring; strong, loving. 


He shakes his head, your hand falling away.and your stomach clenches painfully. He reaches down to remove your remaining hand from his arm and that’s when the tears you didn’t want to shed finally fall. A river of salt and sadness streams down your face as you stare up at him, the man you love. The man who is about to walk away from you because his demons are whispering nonsense in his ear.


“I’m sorry .” You know he means it but it doesn’t stop the pain from slicing you open, head to toe. 


Benjamin Miller steps around you, leaving you standing in the stairwell of your apartment building, picking up the pieces of your heart from the ground. You stay standing in that same spot, his words echoing all around you; bouncing off the walls and rattling like gunfire in your mind. Your tears wet the collar of your t-shirt, slipping down your skin and leaving a trail of ice on your flushed skin. You hear his pickup start, you know he really is leaving and nothing can get your feet moving again. He came to your apartment, he let himself in and effectively took a sledgehammer to your love, all the while falling apart at the seams himself. You hiccup out a sob and wrap your arms around your middle, hoping if your hug is tight enough maybe the yawning hole inside your chest won’t crack the rest of your body apart. 



Three Weeks Later 


“Look kid, I’m sorry but you are in no shape to fight right now.”


You shake your head, bouncing on the balls of your feet and rolling your shoulders to ease the tension. Your coach won’t let you fight, hasn’t let you fight since you showed up, swollen faced, red eyed and barely able to breathe without crying three weeks ago. 


“I’m fine, I want to fight.” Your words lack conviction but you need  this. 


“You say that, but what I see is you making a mistake and getting hurt because your head is nowhere near this gym.” The concern is coating his words but you can’t think about that. 


“I can-” You stop abruptly, your protest turning to ash in your mouth at the sight of Benny stalking through the gym toward the locker room. 


His baby blues flicker to meet your eyes briefly, a flash that feels like a cattle prod to your senses. You gasp, the heart you tried to tape together splintering further. You stop moving and your coach places a warm and fatherly hand on your shoulder. 


“Please, don’t do this to yourself.” He pauses, weighing his words. “Benny has a fight today against someone he really has no business fighting.” Fear sluices down your spine, knowing Benny is masking his depression by fighting only the biggest and meanest opponents, never even trying to win. 


You resign with a sorrowful sigh and walk over to one of the other female boxers, asking her if she’ll grab your bag from your locker so you can leave. She gives you a sad smile, agreeing. You have your gloves off, working through the layers of tape around your hands when she returns and you thank her quietly. You ball up the remnants of your wraps, chucking your gloves into your bag and fishing out your keys when you hear the door from the men’s locker room rattle against the frame, two men spilling out onto the floor. 


Your gasp is a whisper under Benny’s shouting. 


“Fuck you! You have no idea what I’ve been through!” The desperation and rage coming off of him is a blanket suddenly thrown over everyone and everything in the gym. He punches his opponent square across the jaw and his head snaps to the side viciously. Unfortunately, Benny is four inches shorter and fifty pounds lighter than him and he wastes no time sending a fist into Benny’s gut. 


“Benny!” Your shriek seems to snap everyone out of their surprise and the coaches move to break up the fight. 


Your hand is at your throat, tears threatening to spill over your lashes as you watch Benny struggle against his coach’s hold. You can’t handle it, you can’t watch him self-destruct like this. You can’t stomach the looks of pity thrown your way, you just can’t do this. You break into a run, crashing through the front doors out into the parking lot and sprint to your car. Your breath is coming fast and painful, burning and choked. A sob sneaks past your lips as you collapse into the driver’s seat of your car. You lean your forehead against the steering wheel and let yourself cry. 


Three weeks of agony, confusion, too many tears and not enough closure. Seeing Benny sabotage himself and being powerless against it makes you feel helpless and small. Not for the first time in the past weeks you regret fighting him. If you hadn’t been so hell bent on being the best and knocking him on his ass he would have never knocked you on yours. Less than twenty four hours together and you were ready to give him your heart tied up with a pretty pink bow. You missed him every second he was gone, counting them down until you could press your lips against his velvet mouth. You would’ve told him when he came back to you, you wanted to give him that untouched part of your soul that you had kept safe all these years waiting for the right man. With his whispered promises and deft fingers he showed you just how right being with him was. His body thrummed at the same frequency as yours and when he kissed you goodbye you felt everything he didn’t say aloud. 


The tears won’t stop falling and you’re too withered to care. 


He promised  to come back to you, he might have even meant it.


Chapter Text


You drove to your favorite coffee stand, tears still glittering along your cheekbones as you carefully avoided the curious stares of the baristas. You didn’t want to go home and sit in deafening silence, watching the phantom of you and Benny spin around your apartment, remembering how he held you close and sang to you; so you kept driving. You drove until it was dark and you had to pee and there was nowhere else to go but home. 


To no one but the steering wheel you sighed, “This hurts.” 


You shuffled up the stairs and started down the hall, eyes drawn to the pattern on the carpet, desperately seeking a reprieve from thoughts of the one man you couldn't have and couldn't bear to watch fall apart.


His long legs were stretched out, almost touching the wall opposite your door where he reclined against it. Your steps faltered, your breath hitching painfully in your throat. 


Benjamin Miller looked up at you with a watery expression. Whether it was that look, the hours of hurt you had poured over in the past weeks or just plain anger - the breath you held in suddenly became vicious, a wounded animal caged within your chest. 


How dare he come here. 


Ignoring him you stepped up to the door, slipping your key in the lock and just before you could open it and send him sprawling, he leaned up. You stalked in, leaving the door wide for him to stay or go - he had already gone twice before after all. You slung your bag on the floor, grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and focused all your concentration into twisting the lid and drinking. If he could hear your heart in that moment, it would’ve given you away. But your face was schooled into an icy indifference. He hurt you. He would probably just hurt you again. 


When he said he couldn’t save you, he should’ve said you couldn’t save him.

Benny cleared his throat and you dared to meet his eyes, pinning him from across the room. You hoped your poker face was convincing. 


“What are you doing here?” Your voice, flat and emotionless, was a study in contrast to the thundering storm of emotion raging inside of you. 


“I...wanted to apologize.” He broke eye contact to study the crack in your ceiling the landlord hadn’t gotten around to fixing yet. 


You cocked your head to the side, “Apologize for?” He opened his mouth and you cut him off. “Was it for fucking me and then leaving?” You squeezed the bottle too hard and water flowed over the top and across the fist clenched around the brittle plastic. “Or was it for breaking my heart? No, I’m sorry- completely fucking shattering it.” He winced at the word ‘shattered’ and you lost what little remained of your cool. You hurled the half empty water bottle as hard as you could at his chest, hitting him dead center, sending the breath whooshing from his lungs. 


You stomped over, shoving a finger up into his face. “I want you out of my apartment and out of my life, Benny.” You spun on your heel and tried to get away from him as quickly as possible, punctuating your point with heavy feet and angry breathing but he grabbed your wrist before you could. You whipped your head to face him, indignance shining brightly in your eyes and opened your mouth ready to give him hell. 


But then he was kissing you. And it was heaven.


He grabbed the back of your head and crushed his lips to yours, taking advantage of your surprise and anger and slipping his tongue in, tasting every word you were about to throw at him. This kiss wasn’t the gentle and passionate reunion that you dreamt of. No, this kiss was rage and depression and hopelessness. This kiss was meant to sear and hurt and bind you together like sautered metal. Your apartment ceased to exist, the past weeks felt as far away as Colombia, and the only thing that mattered was Benny. He slipped both hands into your hair, sliding his calloused palms against the skin of your neck, around to the front of your throat to ghost downward against your breasts.


All too soon he broke the hold of his kiss on you, leaning his forehead against yours and searching for your eyes. Your head was swimming and you felt the tears gathering, ready to fall at a moment's notice. You reached up a hand to his chest, pressing him back gently. 


“You...can’t just come here and kiss me and make it all better, Benny.” The tears fell then. He placed his hand over yours, the rough and worn skin whispering over yours, like they did against your neck only moments before. 


“I know.” His voice was low and choked. “But I couldn’t stay away any longer. You’re-” He took a deep breath. “You’re the only thing that makes sense.” 


You dug your fingertips into his shirt, pulling him closer once more. Damn him for being vulnerable and broken. If you had any sense you would push him out the door. But you were a fool for him before you even knew it. You reached your other hand up to the back of his neck and brought his head down into the space between your throat and your shoulder. You stood there, holding his hulking body against your smaller frame and absorbed the sorrow that still rolled off of him. You let him soak your shirt with silent tears and cling to you with rough hands. You just held him tight and took it. 


It could have been hours or minutes that you stood there. Then,muffled against your shoulder, you heard him finally speak. 


“I fucked up. I lit a fire because we were cold and scared and everything had gone wrong.” His hands tightened where they were wrapped around your waist and he sank to his knees, his face pressed into your stomach. “We laughed, for the first time since the beginning of that fucking mission and I did that.” You rubbed a hand along his upper back, urging him to let it out. “There was a kid from this village and he followed us, maybe he saw the fire...I don’t know. But he-” 


He looked up at you, the most exquisite pain shimmering in his eyes. “He shot Tom in the head. Right in front of me.” Benny buried his face in your shirt and sobbed while you held him and shed tears of your own. You cried for Tom, you cried for the others, and most of all for your Benny. Your sweet, sensitive and brave man. 


“When Will and I landed stateside, I was desperate to come home to you.” You close your eyes at the word ‘home’; you would do anything to be this man’s home. You smoothed your hand against the side of his face, the unshaven skin rough under your palm. “I used your spare key and when I walked in the door it all hit me. I was supposed to keep us safe, I should have kept us safe.” 

“Why did you shut me out?” You didn’t want to ask it, but you absolutely had to. You’re a willful and independent woman, regardless of how you feel about him you just can’t be treated like a regret or something to run from. 


He rests his chin on your stomach and looks up at you, hands clinging to your hips. “I didn’t want someone else I love to get hurt because of me.” His voice was soft, yet thick with emotion. 


You blink slowly down at him, his confession tumbling around in your brain trying to find a foothold. “Someone you love…” You swallow on a suddenly parched throat.


Benny’s hands at your hips tug you to kneel in front of him, keeping eye contact with you all the while. 


“Someone I love.” He says it slowly, begging you to understand. You try to look down at the floor but he captures your chin between his fingers and forces you to face him. “I love you and I’m terrified.” Your heart flip flops, aching to hear those words repeated every day for the rest of your life. 


“You don’t need to be terrified, Benny. I love you, too.”


You close the distance between your bodies and kiss him hard, pouring every ounce of love and desire that your body has to give. Your hands find themselves in his hair, scratching his scalp with your nails and indulging in small tugs. He stands, scooping you up and holding you until your legs are locked around his waist, leading you to the couch where he lays you against the cushions, covering your body with his. Benny’s lips scorch a trail down your neck to your collarbone where he sucks a bruise into your skin. 


“I don’t think I have it in me to be gentle right now, baby.” His voice is strained with his slackening control and you wouldn’t have it any other way. You grip his hair hard and force him to look up at you.


 “Don’t be.” 


His response is a deep rumble in his chest as he shoves your legs off his waist and uses one hand to trap your ankles. He rips your shorts and panties up and off of you in one motion, leaving you in just a t-shirt. His eyes rake over your pussy, your slick glistening for him. In this position you’re on an obscene display for him and the thrill of it makes your inner walls clench. Benny bites his lip and lowers your legs back around his waist, making a show of unbuckling his belt and freeing his hard length from his jeans. You barely pant out a breath before he buries himself inside you to the hilt. The sudden stretch of his cock has a scream on your tongue and your head thrown back against the cushions. He braces a hand above your head and bends down to place an open mouthed kiss to your jaw, fucking you ruthlessly into the couch. His pace is brutal and unyielding, you can barely breathe but you hold onto him,your hands on his back, nails digging into his muscles. He bites the meat between your throat and shoulder, sending sharp moans spilling past your lips. You know that he needs this, you have all the time later for a tender reunion. He needs to let this out and you want to take it. 


Your voice is high and thin, “Give me everything, Benny. Give it to me, let go.”


He reaches a hand between your fused bodies and circles your clit, giving you just the edge you need to send you richoteching toward an orgasm. Your walls flex around him, pleasure coiling in your stomach - the sound of your bodies slapping against each other, your slick all over both of you creating a symphony of sex. He pinches your clit and ignites a wildfire down your body, Benny’s name a plea on your breath. He keeps driving into you, his movements sparking your sensitive skin and you pray he finishes before he fucks you apart. He rests his forehead against yours, the touch an intimate opposite to his other movements. You feel his cock swell to an impossible size inside you and he sighs as he releases into you, your body swallowing every last drop. 


He stays inside you, softening slightly but still so big that you have to shift to find a sense of comfort. Your hand plays with the hair at the nape of his neck as you catch your breath together. “I’m sorry, that isn’t how I imagined this would go.” His voice is like a soft blanket over your hypersensitive nerves. You tenderly brush your lips against his. 


“We needed this, don’t be sorry.” He smiles against you and your heart lifts remembering the confession that brought you here. 


“Did you mean it?” Your voice is a whisper but he hears you all the same. 


“Yes and I’ll take my time to show you just how much, darlin.” He pushes a strand of hair behind your ear and your body purrs beneath him. 


“Okay, deal.” Benny seals it with a kiss, promising everything yet to come. 

Chapter Text


“Would you do me the honor of this dance, Mrs. Miller?” You smile up at your husband, and place your hand in his.


Benny leads you to the middle of the dance floor and spins you in a circle before tucking you close to his chest. You sway in the dim light of the lanterns above, just as he leans down to sing in your ear. 


“I’m gonna burn for you, you’re gonna melt for me.” 


You would never tire of him singing to you, especially not this song that meant the world to you both. You knew everyone was tracking your movements but it could’ve been just you two tonight with the way he held you; this beautiful broken man that chose you to help heal him. The road hadn’t and wouldn’t be easy, but your love made you stronger. Benny would never overcome losing Tom and the guilt that went along with it, but you would ease it little by little and that was all you could do. 


The song concluded and couples flooded the dance floor around you - Will, Santi and Frankie hanging back by the bar. Benny held your hand and guided you over to them, smiling so widely it was reflected back in their eyes. 


“It’s weird seeing you without your hat, man.” Frankie’s comment sends laughter spilling from all of you. 


“Hey, she wouldn’t let me wear it!” Benny throws you a wink right as your elbow sinks into his ribs. 


You make the rounds, hugging and kissing each of them on the cheek before you leave Benny to chat. Just before you turn to leave you press a kiss to your palm and blow it to him, he catches it and presses his palm to his chest over his heart. 




Her kiss sinks past my suit coat and shirt and straight to my heart. A cough to my left catches my attention before I can watch my wife slink through the crowd of guests. I turn to Will and raise my eyebrow. 


“Wow Benny, who knew you were so soft!” His voice is teasing but I fake a punch to his jaw just because. He doesn’t flinch until I lunge at him, then he steps aside and knocks into Santi. 


“Hey! Leave me out of this!” Santi shakes his head, his curls dancing around his head and raises his beer to take a swig. 


I lean against the bar, a beer in my hand and take in the night with my best friends. We watch the crowd through a couple songs before Santi leans over to catch my attention. 


“I have something I want to give you, a wedding gift.” He tilts his head to the back of the venue and I follow him out - keenly interested in the secrecy. He leads us to his rental car and pops the trunk, a duffle bag the only contents. My eyebrows shoot practically in my hairline at the sight of it, the last time we handled it was to throw it in a snowy ravine in the Andes. 


“Santi...I” He cuts me off before I can refuse it. 


“Tom risked and gave his life for this money. He would want to see it be put to good use.” Santi’s tone is quiet but forceful and I don’t have it in me to argue. 


“Thank you.” I pull Santi in for a hug and pat him on the back. He hugs me tightly before handing me the duffle to stow in our car. 


When we walk back in, the guys are smiling at me and they tip their beers in a salute. I throw a nod their way before wrapping my arms around my bride, kissing her neck as her bright laughter fills me up. 


“Have I told you I love you today?” I whisper in her ear and she sighs, leaning back into me. 


“I could stand to hear it a couple more times.” Her playful tone sends images for later floating into my brain. 


“You got it, baby.”