Liquor burned down Oikawa’s throat and he thought that it felt exactly how it felt to be inside his own mind lately. There wasn’t any medicine made for the memories burning in his head, there wasn’t a remedy for the overwhelming feeling of inferiority he had been drowning in since high school. So he drinks vodka like its medicine for his mind and once he feels numb enough, he’ll drown himself in the feeling of a strangers lips.
Seductive words and bitten lips take up residence in his mind for the few minutes of closeness and he finally feels reprieve from the crushing weight of his own expectations. He feels free for those fleeting moments, he supposes that’s why he keeps doing it. Even if the feeling of emptiness in his heart when its over is almost just as worse. The walk home always hurts the most, because the drunkness and orgasm high has faded and there’s nothing left but a hollow feeling in his chest, and maybe a headache.
He’s always okay by the morning. Oikawa has always been an expert at burying his hardships under a false smile and sugar coated words. His roommates have never even noticed the fakeness dripping from his words as he recounts his many hookups and the events from all his different nightly outings. None of his friends seem to notice the falsity of his words at all. He tells himself that he likes it that way, because all things considered, he is happy, he is okay. He’s healthy, he’s at a good college, he makes good grades, he gets to play volleyball, he’s good, great even. But sometimes Oikawa wonders how bad it would really be if someone just knew him. If he just let someone all the way into the mess of his mind.
His therapist says that letting the people he cares about shoulder the burden of his thoughts helps, maybe it would, Oikawa wouldn’t know. He can’t help but scoff at the thought of other people knowing about the vulnerable parts of himself. No one really knows Oikawa, not really. Not even Oikawa’s best and closest friends have seen the deepest parts of himself. Almost every fling or relationship Oikawa has ever had has been reduced to messy fights and dramatic breakups because of his inability and lack of interest in being vulnerable or sharing himself with others. It’s not that Oikawa intentionally tries to hurt the people he’s with, it’s just that he never feels comfortable enough to give all of himself to them, friendship is one thing, but being vulnerable with his heart is even more impossible for Oikawa. A lot of people have resented him for that and said how cold hearted and shallow he is. Oikawa really understands why they believe that, but he can’t help if his heart just isn’t connected. He has probably just never really loved any of the people he’s been with, he really has no idea what it would even feel like to truly love someone.
So he deals with his messy tangle of a mind and heart with a therapist, with vodka, with sex. At least the therapist part is smart. The vodka and sex part, not so much, but nobody’s perfect. It works for now, and in the moment, it feels damn good. Really damn good.
Lips are grazing Oikawa’s neck, travelling down down down til they ghost over his groin, making him groan at the feeling. Kuroo Tetsuro is someone he has come back to many times, one of his rare reoccurring hookups, and if Kuroo was talking, he would say they were friends too. Oikawa didn’t know about that, but he did know that Kuroo had black hair, muscular arms, and that he was damn good in bed. That was enough for him. Friendship was secondary. Of course Oikawa did appreciate that he could trust Kuroo with almost anything, and that Kuroo always made sure he felt good and safe the whole time, but friendship was a little bit of a stretch.
Oikawa wasn’t friends with anyone he had sex with, let alone anything more than that. The only reason he was comfortable enough to keep going back to Kuroo for more was because he knew for a fact that Kuroo had been in love with his childhood best friend Kenma his entire life. Oikawa had learned that fun little piece of information after Kuroo had drunkenly poured out his heart after they had hooked up one night. Oikawa loved to tease Kuroo about it relentlessly.
Kuroo drowned his emotions in sex just like Oikawa did. They were kindred spirits in that regard. The only difference was that Oikawa didn’t have anyone to yearn over. He didn’t love anyone. The only things reserved in his heart were volleyball and his family and friends. It wasn’t that Oikawa had a lack of admirers, that definitely wasn’t it. It was that Oikawa’s heart was never really in it. He met so many people every day but no one ever made him feel a thing. They were always nice of course, sometimes they were beautiful too, but Oikawa couldn’t deny that when it came to his heart, no one seemed to peak its interest.
Sometimes it made him sad, usually late at night when he was trying to fall asleep. But most of the time he didn’t really care, he’d had feelings for people before, he’d been in many relationships before. They were nice at first he guessed, but in the end they were usually always more trouble than they’re worth.
“Oikawa you zoned out again,” Kuroo said, looking up at him curiously.
Oikawa blinked himself out of his reverie and looked down at Kuroo, “Sorry Kuroo-chan, I was just thinking about how handsome you look in between my legs,” Oikawa said with a smirk that didn’t reach his eyes.
Kuroo rolled his eyes, “As true as that is, cut that crap Oikawa. You’ve been off all night.”
Oikawa huffed out a breath and smiled, “Insulting my skills in bed again hmm? Be careful or you’ll lose yourself a fuck buddy.”
Kuroo sighed and sat up, his hands squeezing Oikawa’s hips, “Fine, don’t tell me. But you know I’m the only one who will understand.”
Oikawa looked down at his hands, just this once , he thought. “I’m just… You’re very lucky you have little Kenma you know?”
Kuroo’s eyebrows raised slightly in surprise and he grazed his hands along Oikawa’s spine in comfort, “You’re lonely?” he asked softly.
Oikawa huffed out a breath and looked away, attempting to hide the redness burning his cheeks, “You make me sound pathetic.”
Kuroo sat up further, looking at Oikawa seriously, “Wanting love does not make you pathetic Oikawa.”
Oikawa shook his head, “It’s stupid. I don’t need anything.”
“It’s okay that you want it though.”
“It doesn’t matter anyway, no one is interesting to me.”
“So you just haven’t met the right person yet, that’s okay, you will.”
Oikawa frowned, “How can you be so sure?”
Kuroo shrugged, “I know you insist we aren’t friends but I know you Oikawa. You’re a good guy, you deserve it.”
Oikawa sighed, “Whatever, we’re done talking about this.”
Kuroo rolled his eyes and pulled Oikawa closer, “Fine,” he murmured and kissed Oikawa softly.
Oikawa sighed and deepened the kiss, “Thank you,” he whispered into Kuroo’s mouth. Kuroo just wrapped his arms tight around Oikawa’s waist and kissed him harder.
It was a bad day, and after eight hours of pretending he was fine, Oikawa was close to breaking, all he wanted to do was go home and sob, but he knew his roommates would be able to hear him crying through the wall, and then he would have to face the inquisition. He knew they always meant well, but Oikawa really wasn’t in the mood to explain himself to anyone right now.
Fresh out of a doctors appointment, Oikawa dragged himself to the nearest bar, needing food, needing liquor and mainly needing to avoid his roommates questioning looks. His knee had been acting up for weeks and after the doctor told him he would be out of volleyball for six weeks, he was anything but happy. His roommates, Suga and Hinata, knew how much of a sore topic his knee was for Oikawa, but they were both nosy little shits so he knew they wouldn’t be able to help but looking, asking. He couldn’t really blame them, but being at a bar was better than dealing with them right now.
Oikawa limped into the bar, the thick black brace wrapped around his knee making hard to walk gracefully. He carefully slid himself into a stool at the bar, sighing at finally being able to get the weight off his knee. Tears pricked his eyes, he was finally away from social interaction so the emotions of the day came pouring out. The bar was quiet tonight. A few people were at the far end of the bar and a few took up residence in booths that lined the walls but luckily no one seemed like they would bother him.
Oikawa scanned the menu, quickly deciding what he wanted to eat and drink. He looked up but only saw one female bartender behind the bar who was busy with the group at the end of the bar. Oikawa frowned. A bar this size should at least have two bartenders. Oikawa tried to catch the girl’s eye multiple times but she seemed not to see him at all, which was rare for him, usually eyes were always glued on him. But right now it was if he was completely isolated. Like he didn't even exist. He was definitely being dramatic but after the day he had had his emotions were running high and the thought of being so unseen affected him more than it should have, he just wanted his food and no one would even glance his way. For some reason the thought spurred the tears in Oikawa’s eyes to fall and he was embarrassed to find himself with tears streaming down his face in public. Oikawa buried his head in his hands trying to hide his crying.
After a few minutes with his head between his hands Oikawa heard someone grunt near him and he looked up in alarm, tears still staining his cheeks.
“Um…” the man in front of him said eloquently, his eyes nervously flicking between the tears on Oikawa’s face and the menu.
Oikawa blinked and realized it was another bartender. Well this was humiliating. Oikawa wiped the tears from his cheeks and looked up at the man, blinking at the sight. He was handsome.
“Would you-would you like to order?” The bartender stuttered out.
Oikawa tensed and looked down at his menu, he had been so lost in his tears he had forgotten where he was, “I-yes. I’ll have the chicken parmesan and a martini. Thank you.” Oikawa said concisely, hoping the bartender would go away quickly so he could nurse his embarrassment alone.
The bartender nodded, jotting the order down on his notepad, hesitating before walking away, “It-its on the house.”
Oikawa’s eyes widened and he glared at the bartender, “I don’t need your pity,” he said coldly.
The bartender’s face hardened into something like determination, “It’s not pity, its kindness. Maybe if you learned what it was you wouldn’t be crying alone in a bar.”
Oikawa blinked at the rudeness and he couldn’t help but let out a breathless laugh, “It’s a wonder you still have a job, speaking like that to your customers,” Oikawa said, shaking his head at the bartender with a slight smirk.
The bartender huffed out a laugh, “You’re probably right. I’m kind of surprised I haven’t been fired yet.”
Oikawa laughed lightly, “Well I won’t tell on you this time, I can tell you need the job.”
The bartender looked mildly offended, “What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked with an unthreatening glare.
Oikawa laughed at the look he was giving him, “What a mean face! I was only joking.”
The bartender flushed red and looked away with a grumble. Oikawa thought it was rather cute.
“I’m gonna go put your order in,” the bartender mumbled quietly before walking quickly away.
Oikawa was grinning mindlessly when he heard a ding at the door and looked over. Daichi and Suga were walking over to him, soft smiles on their faces.
They settled on either side of Oikawa, “Hey Oikawa, what are you doing here?” Daichi asked with a smile.
“I’m just getting dinner after my appointment.” Oikawa said nonchalantly, wiping the grin from his face quickly.
Suga smiled mischievously, “You look rather happy for someone with a brace on their knee.”
Oikawa flushed and rubbed his hands, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Uh huh. Don’t think we didn’t see you smiling like a lovesick teenager when we walked in.” Suga said with a smirk.
Oikawa startled. Lovesick? Oh please. He did not look like that. Just because he was smiling at a bartender didn’t mean anything. Stupid Suga putting thoughts like that in his head.
“Once again, you have no idea what you’re talking about! Quit being a busybody Su-chan! And besides, why are you sitting with me anyway? Go sit in a booth for your date night,” Oikawa said, sticking his tongue out at Suga.
“Well we were just gonna say hi, but since you’re being so sketchy I think we’ll stay,” Suga said with a less than innocent smile.
Oikawa rolled his eyes but before he could say a word the bartender was walking back towards him. His steps faltered when he saw that Oikawa wasn’t alone and he flushed a deep red before making his way over.
His eyes flicked nervously between Oikawa and his friends and he set Oikawa’s drink down without a word, only giving him a slight nod before walking away.
There was silence and then, “Oh. My. God.” Suga said excitedly.
Oikawa glared at him, “Stop it! Don’t say a word.”
"You like the bartender!”
“I do not! I hate you,” Oikawa said, rubbing his temples and groaning. Daichi was just grinning at him.
“Okay okay, we are going to go to our booth so you can get your man,” Suga said, getting up from his chair with a wink.
“He is not my-“ Oikawa started, but Suga and Daichi were already walking away. Oikawa groaned and buried his head in his hands. Suga had to make a spectacle out of everything. It was just a bartender, honestly. It didn’t mean anything. How embarrassing.
Oikawa looked up after a few minutes and saw the bartender at the edge of the room, glancing at Oikawa and back at his work over and over. Oikawa finally caught his eye and gave him a genuine smile so he would stop looking so nervous. The bartender really was attractive. Normally with an attractive man giving him attention like this, and looking all nervous and flushed around him, Oikawa would already be on his way to getting him into bed, but for some reason Oikawa’s instincts said he wasn’t the one to hook up with.
At Oikawa’s smile the bartender slowly walked back over to him, giving him a tentative smile.
“Your food should be ready soon, sorry for the wait,” the bartender mumbled.
Oikawa smiled at his newfound nervousness. This man went from spitting insults to nervous blushing so easily it was almost comical.
“Don’t worry about it, there’s no rush,” Oikawa said kindly.
The bartender smiled slightly and looked down at Oikawa’s table, “Did you enjoy your drink? I can get you another…”
“It was good, I’m fine for now though,” Oikawa said with a soft smile.
“O-okay. I’ll just…” he said and gestured back to his work station, starting to walk away.
“Wait!” Oikawa said before he could stop himself. He didn’t know why the idea of the bartender walking away right now was such a horrible thing.
The bartender paused and turned back around.
“What’s your name?” Oikawa asked earnestly.
Oikawa smiled, “I’m Oikawa Tooru. It’s nice to meet you Iwa-chan.”
Iwaizumi blinked and then glared heavily at Oikawa, “What the fuck did you just call me?” he asked, cocking his head to the side.
“Oh come on Iwa-chan! Don’t be grumpy again! Iwaizumi is just too long you know?” Oikawa said with a grin, resting his chin on his hand.
“You’re horrible to be around, did you know that?”
“Sure Iwa-chan. So tell me about yourself!”
Iwaizumi huffed and rolled his eyes, “I’m working, I can’t exactly stay and chat.”
Oikawa looked around, the bar was still very empty, “There’s no one here Iwa-chan! Come on you can sit with me for a bit can’t you?”
Oikawa asked, patting the stool next to him.
Iwaizumi huffed and walked around the bar to sit next to Oikawa, “You’re insufferable,” Iwaizumi said as he sat down.
Oikawa laughed, “I think you like it.”
Iwaizumi flushed at the words and avoided Oikawa’s gaze.
They spent the next two hours talking, Oikawa’s food coming halfway through. Oikawa didn’t even realize the time had gone by but before he knew it, it was already 10 pm. Iwaizumi was intelligent, and kind, and a bit grumpy, but Oikawa kind of liked that. Conversation flowed easily between the two, Oikawa felt as if he had known Iwaizumi for years, thats how easy things felt with him. He couldn’t remember the last time he had gotten along this well with someone and Kuroo’s words floated into his mind. So you just haven’t met the right person yet, that’s okay, you will.
Oikawa shook his head. He wasn’t doing that right now. Being in a relationship was stupid, wanting a relationship was stupid. He had been overly emotional and irrational that night with Kuroo. Just because Iwaizumi was kind and handsome didn’t mean he was going to reduce him to a love interest. Oikawa had plenty of admirers to focus on, Iwaizumi did not need to be subject to his issues with relationships. Even after just knowing him for a few hours, Oikawa already knew he would never want to hurt Iwa the way he knows he has hurt the many people he has had flings and relationships with. Friendship was good. Being friends with Iwa would be just fine.
“Hey idiot,” Iwa said, flicking Oikawa lightly on the forehead.
Oikawa frowned, “Mean Iwa-chan! I don’t give you attention for one minute and you’re flicking me!”
“Shut up asshole,” Iwa said, shaking his head with a smile.
Oikawa giggled and leaned into Iwa, “I should probably get home huh?”
“Yes. You should. You need to take that medicine for your knee,” Iwa said sternly.
“Bossy bossy,” Oikawa said with a grin, getting up from his chair and stretching, “You promise you’ll call me Iwa-chan?”
Iwa flushed, “Yeah I’ll call you Shittykawa. You’d probably come here and stalk me if I didn’t.”
Oikawa giggled again, “I so would. I’ll see you soon then Iwa-chan!” Oikawa said, squeezing I
Iwa’s shoulder once and walking out of the bar.
Iwaizumi sighed and ran a hand over his face. He was so fucked.
“Woah Oikawa, shouldn’t you slow down a bit?” Kuroo asked with a concerned look at Oikawa, who was on his fifth shot in under 20 minutes.
Oikawa completely ignored his words, downing his shot quicky and ignoring the chaser Suga was passing his way.
“He’s not gonna slow down,” Suga said with a frown, setting the chaser down with a resigned sigh.
“He seemed so happy the past few days, what the hell happened?” Matsukawa asked, turning to Suga and Kuroo.
“I can hear you guys you know, its rude to talk behind peoples backs,” Oikawa said with a venomous smile.
Kuroo just sighed and raised his hands in supplication, “Fine Oikawa, we’ll leave you alone. Go ahead and self destruct all on your own.”
Oikawa snapped his head towards Kuroo, “Fuck you.”
Kuroo just shrugged and started walking away, dragging Suga and Matsukawa with him.
Oikawa let out a sigh as they left. Fuck. He knew that his friends were right, they were only trying to look after him after all, but Oikawa was in a shit mood.
He had fallen on his already bad knee again yesterday, which only served to further delay his recovery and increase the time until he’s back on the volleyball court. His knee truly was ruining his life. And then there was the tiny, not so tiny predicament that Iwaizumi had never called him. Oikawa was trying to pretend he didn’t care, he honestly didn’t know why it was affecting him so much. So what if those few hours he had talked to Iwaizumi had been the happiest he had been in months? He was just a guy after all. Oikawa would get drunk, fuck someone else, and forget all about the handsome bartender he had met. That was the plan at least, it still didn’t erase Iwaizumi from his memory though. And for some crazy reason the vodka was only making him more irritated that he had never gotten a call. The main thing that bothered Oikawa was that Iwa had promised he would call, he had been so kind, seemed so interested, and yet. And yet.
Oikawa groaned. He was supposed to be friends with Iwaizumi, and god knows Oikawa would never normally be agonizing this much over a potential friendship. Whatever. Oikawa was done thinking about it. He was happy with convincing himself he was okay with his dry love life and partying instead.
Oikawa downed one more shot and stumbled down to the basement, narrowing his gaze in on his wonderful ex-boyfriend. Honestly, Oikawa hated the guy. Their relationship had been full of drama, tension, and more hate sex than was probably healthy. It had been toxic and awful and Oikawa would neve go back. However… hate sex was exactly what he needed right now, and he already knew Ushijima was a good fuck. So Oikawa waltzed over to him smoothly, a seductive smile in place. Ushijima seemed to freeze as he saw Oikawa approach, like he already knew what he was in for, like he already knew it was an impossibility to deny Oikawa from what he wanted.
"Hey Ushi, long time no see,” Oikawa said with a wicked grin, stepping up close to toy with Ushijima’s collar.
“Are we doing this tonight Oikawa?” Ushijima asked bluntly, his eyes roving slowly up and down Oikawa’s body.
Oikawa smirked, leaning into Ushijima further, “I think you already know the answer to that,” Oikawa whispered in his ear.
Ushijima nodded stiffly, taking Okawa’s hand and dragging him into the nearest room, it was a guest bathroom.
The good thing about fucking Ushijima was that Oikawa didn’t have to worry about talking about it, it was like Ushijima already knew why Oikawa kept getting back into his bed and he was willing to just let him. Oikawa didn’t know if it was because Ushijima still had feelings for him, or if he just didn’t feel like rejecting him, but Oikawa wasn’t complaining about it. He wordlessly got down on his knees, shoving Ushijima against the bathroom counter and unbuttoning his pants without hesitation.
Everything about Ushijima was big, especially his cock, it was probably Oikawa’s favorite thing about him, not that there was very much he liked about Ushijima at all. Oikawa pulled him out of his boxers and licked a stripe up his long length before taking him fully in his mouth. Oikawa easily adjusted to Ushijima’s size, swallowing him down with expert skill, gained from nothing but experience and repetition. Ushijima groaned loudly and gripped his hands tightly in Oikawa’s hair as Oikawa worked him over.
Blowjobs were probably Oikawa’s favorite thing, like ever. He loved to lose himself in the taste, loved to lose himself until he was breathless and crying. Ushijima wasn’t afraid to be rough like some of Oikawa’s other hookups, Ushijima knew Oikawa well enough to know that he wasn’t interested in being babied, especially in the bedroom. The small room was flooded with the vulgar noises of Oikawa’s mouth and the groans and moans coming from Ushijima. Oikawa knew everyone in the main room could hear them. Oikawa didn’t care, couldn’t care. He was too drunk on vodka and dick to be able to think about anything else.
Quicker than Oikawa would have liked, Ushijima was tightening his hold on Oikawa and spilling into his mouth. Oikawa swallowed it all down easily and pulled off to breath, looking up at Ushijima with a smile, “Done so quickly?”
“You’re quite eager tonight Oikawa, is something wrong?”
Oikawa laughed, standing up to stretch out his aching knee, “You know better than to ask me that Ushiwaka.”
Ushijima just shrugged, pulling Oikawa close, ghosting his hands over his ass, as he did so he paused, “Your phone is buzzing,” Ushijima said, pulling Oikawa’s phone out of his back pocket and pulling it up to his ear.
“No! Don’t-“ Oikawa said frantically, but then Ushijima was already answering the phone.
“Hello? No he is busy. We’re in the middle of fucking. Hello?” Ushijima frowned slightly and passed the phone back to Oikawa, “The person hung up.”
Oikawa stood back, smacking Ushijima hard on the chest, “What the fuck is wrong with you? Could you not be so stupidly blunt for five seconds? Why in hell would you tell a random phone number we were fucking?”
Ushijima blinked dumbly, “Because we were.”
Oikawa sighed heavily, trying to rein in his anger, “I don’t know why I’m fucking surprised. We’re done for the night Ushijima.”
Ushijima just nodded simply, buttoning up his pants and opening up the door to the bathroom. About fifty eyes landed on them from the living room when the door was opened and Oikawa rolled his eyes. Of course.
“Ushijima!” Oikawa said before he could walk away.
Ushijima turned around looking at Oikawa expectantly.
Oikawa took a breath, “Was it-was it a man or a woman? On the phone I mean.”
“It was a man,” Ushijima said simply before walking out of the living room without a glance at anyone else.
Oikawa’s heart squeezed at the words. Iwaizumi. Iwa chan. Could it have been? Could it have really-
“You have cum on your cheek,” Suna said and Oikawa looked up, half the room was grinning at him. Only Suga and Kuroo looked concerned.
Oikawa scowled and wiped his cheek, “It will never stop surprising me, how entertained you all are by my sex life.”
Matsukawa snorted, “Oh please. As if we aren’t all already tired of hearing you and Ushijima fuck. Honestly Oikawa, haven’t yall been broken up for like a year?”
Oikawa rolled his eyes and walked over, settling on the edge of Suga’s chair, “Don’t blame me for taking advantage of a good fuck wherever I can find one. Its not like it means anything, its Ushi after all, he understands.”
Hanamaki cocked his head to the side, “Does he though?”
Oikawa huffed, “You two are the most nosy couple on the planet earth, honesty. The only people who are worse are Suga and Daichi.”
They all chuckled at that and the attention was finally off of Oikawa, at least he thought. Until a few minutes later when he got cornered in the kitchen by Suga and Kuroo while he was just trying to get water.
"Can I help you?” Oikawa asked as Kuroo and Suga silded up to Oikawa.
“Did he call you?” Suga asked.
“Did who call him?” Kuroo asked with a curious look, cocking his head to the side.
Oikawa sighed, resigning himself to this conversation, “First things first, there is no him. There is no potential anything so get that thought out of your head right now. And second, I don’t know. Ushijima answered the damn phone.”
Suga’s breath caught, “Oh shit.”
“You two are both idiots, just call the number back.” Kuroo said matter of factly.
Oikawa blinked, “Oh. Shit.”
Oikawa pulled out his phone in a flash, looking at his call history. The phone number was definitely from this area. Oikawa sucked in a breath and pressed call, putting the phone on speaker so Suga and Kuroo could hear. The phone rang, and rang and rang, and then, “You have reached Iwaizumi Hajime, please call back later.” Iwaizumi’s gruff voice echoed out of the phone speaker.
“He sounds hot,” Kuroo said.
“He is.” Oikawa and Suga said simultaneously, Oikawa glared at Suga.
“He obviously hung up on purpose, Ushijima literally told him we were fucking. Jesus christ, he’ll never talk to me again.” Oikawa said with a groan.
"Shit,” Kuroo said.
“You have his number now though! And he did call you Oikawa, that means he’s interested, not that he wasn’t before. He was practically drooling over you at the bar,” Suga said.
“You met at a bar?” Kuroo asked.
Oikawa scowled, “Quit making it sound so romantic Suga, we’re just friends. But yes Kuroo, he was a bartender and we met there last week.”
Suga rolled his eyes at Oikawa and made his way out of the room, “Just call him again tomorrow Oikawa,” he said on his way out.
Kuroo was staring and grinning at Oikawa with a secret look in his eyes, Oikawa glared, “Don’t even Kuroo.”
Kuroo just shrugged with a smirk, “I told you didn’t I? Right person,” Kuroo said, gesturing down at Oikawa’s phone.
Oikawa glared heavily at him, “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Kuroo just smiled and hummed, giving Oikawa a peck on the cheek before walking out of the room.
Before Kuroo could leave Oikawa was grabbing him by the arm, “Wait, Kuroo…”
Kuroo turned back, “Yeah?”
“I-well, I’m sorry about earlier… You were just trying to be a good friend,” Oikawa said with a sad smile. He had been so rude earlier, he had been taking Kuroo’s kindness for granted for so long…
Kuroo smirked, “Calling me your friend now huh?”
Oikawa huffed and looked to the side, trying to hide the flush on his cheeks.
Kuroo just rolled his eyes with a soft smile and gestured at Oikawa, ‘C’mere idiot.”
Kuroo wrapped Oikawa up in a tight embrace and Oikawa melted into it, burying his head in Kuroo’s neck with a sigh.
“Guess this is the end of our little fling huh?” Kuroo said with a wistful smile.
Oikawa pulled back and frowned, “You’re gonna confess to Kenma finally?”
Kuroo snorted, “Absolutely not. But you found someone,” Kuroo said with a soft smile, nudging Oikawa with a hand.
Oikawa rolled his eyes and smacked Kuroo on the arm, “Oh my god, I did not. We talked once. Once! Why is everyone acting like I just met my husband?”
Kuroo chuckled and shook his head, staying silent.
"Why won’t you just tell him Kuroo?” Oikawa asked, when a sad smile settled on Kuroo’s face.
Kuroo sighed heavily, “You know I can’t Oikawa. Kenma is…He’s everything to me. I just can’t risk it. I can’t risk losing what we have. I love him too much.”
Oikawa sighed, “Well so long as we’re both still single I don’t see any reason why we would have to stop. Unless you’re uncomfortable with it of course.”
Kuroo shook his head, “I’m not. But I do think you should call that guy back, give him a chance. You’ve seemed so happy this week because of him.”
Oikawa tried to ignore the flutter in his chest, he had been happy, Iwa chan had made him happy…
Oikawa shook the thought out of his head and focused back in on Kuroo. Kuroo was a good man, handsome and strong, Oikawa was lucky to have found him. He leaned in and gave him a soft kiss on the lips, expressing his gratitude. Kuroo reacted easily, deepening the kiss and pulling Oikawa up against him.
“Bedroom?” Kuroo murmured.
Oikawa nodded, kissing Kuroo one more time before following him from the room. He would call Iwa tomorrow. He would talk to him tomorrow.
Oikawa didn’t know how embarrassing it would be to call Iwa for a fourth time. It was probably already embarrassing. And it was becoming increasingly apparent that Iwa was ignoring the calls on purpose.
Normally being rejected like this wouldn’t ruffle Oikawa at all but this time it was different. He had fucked up, and this thing that had been blooming with Iwa, it wasn’t something he wanted to lose so easily. He wasn’t really sure what it was that made him so persistent this time, I mean he had only met the guy once, but he needed Iwa to forgive him. He needed Iwa to talk to him again. It wasn’t something he could just shake off, he had already tried. He had buried himself in work, partied, spent more time with his friends, he did all he could to distract himself, but his mind always went back to Iwa and the phone calls he knew he had been ignoring.
Oikawa sighed and pressed dial one more time, the phone only rang through once before it went dark. Iwa was hanging up on him. It made Oikawa see red and before he knew it he was hailing a taxi and pulling up in front of the bar he knew Iwa worked at. He took a deep breath and swung open the door to the restaurant, walking quickly up to the bar.
The female bartender was the only one behind the bar, her eyes on the glasses she was cleaning. Oikawa cleared his throat haughtily and she looked up. Her eyes widened when she saw him and she fumbled with the glass she was holding before setting it down gingerly.
She opened her mouth to speak but Oikawa beat her to it, “I’m here to see Iwaizumi Hajime. Where is he?"
The girl gave him a panicked look, her eyes darting to the back, “He’s not working,” she said shakily.
Oikawa narrowed his eyes, “You’re lying,” he said venomously.
Before she could reply he was pushing past her, making his way to the employees back room. When Oikawa made his is way into the room he froze at the sight of Iwaizumi sitting on the floor, with his head in his hands, shaking slightly.
Oikawa crouched down next to him with a concerned look, “Iwa?” he said softly.
Iwaizumi jumped at Oikawa’s closeness and snapped his head up, his eyes were rimmed with red.
“Leave,” Iwaizumi said gruffly, wiping his face hastily, his cheeks flushing with embarrassment at being caught crying.
"No,” Oikawa said firmly, pulling Iwa gingerly into his arms. Iwa was resistant at first, but he let out a resigned sigh and let Oikawa pull him forward, resting his head against Oikawa’s chest.
Oikawa spent the next few minutes with Iwa in his arms, they were both silent, Iwa quietly resting against Oikawa while Oikawa stroked his hands comfortingly down Iwa’s back.
“What happened?” Oikawa murmured quietly.
Iwa stayed quiet for a while, long enough that Oikawa thought he wouldn’t respond before he took a deep breath, “My roommate is moving out and I don’t have enough money to live alone. So I’m basically homeless right now. Oh and this prick I met at the bar last week won’t stop calling me.”
Oikawa huffed out a laugh and smacked Iwa’s arm lightly, “Hey! I am not a prick!”
Iwa laughed softly and shook his head, staying silent.
Oikawa sighed and tilted his head towards the ceiling, thinking. He was stroking his fingers absentmindedly over Iwa’s neck when he said, “You could live with me.”
Iwa pulled back from Oikawa and sat up quickly, blinking at him in shock, “What?”
Oikawa grinned at the shocked look on Iwa’s face, “I said you could live with me. I do have two other roommates but we have a spare room if you wanted it,” Oikawa shrugged trying to be nonchalant. It was embarrassing how much he wanted Iwa to say yes to this, he didn’t even know why.
“We barely know each other. And I… I mean you…We…”
Oikawa cocked his head to the side, “Me and you what?”
Iwa flushed a deep red and avoided eye contact, “N-nothing. Me and you nothing. I-I guess. Yes?”
“Yes you’ll live with me?” Oikawa said excitedly, leaning into Iwa’s space.
Iwa huffed and frowned, leaning back slightly, “Yes. But only because I have to, and only until I save enough to get my own place. And you better not annoy me.”
Oikawa giggled, “Yeah sure Iwa chan of course! We’re gonna be roomies!” Oikawa said excitedly, wrapping Iwa into a hug before he could protest.
Iwaizumi sighed and resigned himself to the hug, resting his head on Oikawa’s shoulders.
"This is crazy you know, we don’t even know each other,” Iwa murmured.
“It’ll be great, don’t worry Iwa-chan! And this way you won’t be able to ignore my phone calls anymore!”
Iwa tensed at Oikawa’s words, “Sorry…” he mumbled.
“Why did you ignore them?” Oikawa asked simply.
Iwa tensed further and took a deep breath, “Well your boyfriend answered the phone so I figured talking to you wasn’t…”
Oikawa nodded and tried to ignore the implication in Iwa’s words, “Well we are friends so you don’t have to worry about that. And besides, he wasn’t my boyfriend. I’m single, so you don’t have to worry about that either.”
Iwa pulled back from their embrace and looked at the floor, “Right.”
Oikawa tried to ignored the way Iwa’s face fell when he had called them friends. Tried to ignore the way Iwa looked happier once he said he was single. Tried to ignore all the what ifs and maybes and just be happy about the fact that he was going to be spending a lot more time with Iwa from now on.
Maybe inviting a practical stranger to live with him was crazy, but Oikawa had never really lived by the rules. He just hoped this wouldn’t blow up in his face later on.
After a month of having Iwaizumi as his roommate, Oikawa knew he was in deep shit.
Everything had been going smoothly, Hinata and Suga loved Iwa immediately, and Iwa seemed to be the perfect person to live with, the perfect person in general, Oikawa thought. Seeing Iwa’s kindness first hand every day was something to marvel at. He was always kind to everyone, no matter how tired he looked, he helped cook meals, he helped clean up, he did everything right. Now you may think that is a good thing, and yeah it is. But not for Oikawa. For Oikawa this was absolutely horrible.
Because Iwa was perfect. Oikawa had honestly thought that first night that they met had been a fluke, that those feelings creeping up and his obvious joy at being with Iwa was a one time thing. It wasn’t. It was like every moment he spent with Iwa only made those stupid feelings get stronger, made his smile grow wider. Oikawa didn't know how he thought he could have ever stood a chance against this. Because he liked him. Maybe even more than liked him. Oikawa was ignoring it. Iwa was untouchable, Oikawa had decided. Because he was too good, too kind, he didn't deserve the mess that Oikawa knew he was.
The weekends and nights were spent trying to distract himself, trying to find what he felt for Iwa's in other people's bodies. It never really worked, but Oikawa had to try. Maybe Oikawa was a little too firm in his beliefs, but he couldn't help but think that he was not enough for Iwa, not good enough, not kind enough, not stable enough. Maybe it was dramatic, thats what his friends said, but the thought of him hurting Iwa was just something he couldn't stomach.
He had almost confessed, so many times by now. But every time he almost did those thoughts floated through his head and he just couldn't go through with it. So, Oikawa goes back to distraction, just with the chronic pain of having a undeniable crush on his roommate to go along with it.
Iwaizumi couldn’t sleep, again. He spent every weekend regretting his decision to move in with the stupid pretty boy he met at the bar.
He spent every weekend attempting to plug his ears, attempting to hold in his tears. Because yes, Iwaizumi had feelings for Oikawa. The type of feelings that make your chest ache and your heart race. Oikawa obviously didn’t feel the same. If he did he wouldn’t be fucking someone different every night right next door to Iwaizumi.
The walls were thin, that was the first thing Iwaizumi learned about living in this new apartment. They were so thin that he could imagine every movement, almost see Oikawa’s facial expressions through the walls. The moaning, the dirty talk, the headboard banging against the wall, it was a constant symphony for Iwaizumi, only it wasn’t him making the noises. No, he was alone in his room, wiping the tears from his face, trying to drown out the noises with music, contemplating packing a bag and leaving right there.
It was a weekly routine at this point. He had come close, so many times, to moving out. But then morning would come and Oikawa would look sleep tousled and beautiful, looking at Iwaizumi with the kindest smile, and Iwaizumi could never bring himself to leave.
It was pathetic really, what Oikawa did to him. He knew the kind of person Oikawa was, he knew they were polar opposites. Oikawa could go from person to person like dessert on a platter, tasting and touching until he got bored.
Iwaizumi could count the people he had been attracted to in his life on one hand, and he hadn’t done a thing with any of them. Maybe a sloppy kiss here and there, but besides that Iwaizumi was wholly innocent. It was his choice, he had never been able to bring himself to touch someone he didn’t feel something for, but when he heard the noises filtering through that thin wall, he couldn’t help but think there was something wrong with him, that he couldn’t just have sex the way Oikawa did.
He envied how carefree Oikawa was, but he also caught sadness flitting through Oikawa’s gaze more often than not. Iwaizumi had a feeling that Oikawa was a whole lot deeper than what he let people see. Iwaizumi wanted to see all of it. He yearned to know Oikawa, he yearned to touch him, to make him make those noises he heard so many others pull from him.
It was something rare, these feelings he had for Oikawa. For Iwaizumi, attraction was something few and far between, and no one had ever made him feel as many things as Oikawa did. He had known he was screwed since the first day he met him, he just hadn’t realized how bad it would get.
After getting virtually no sleep the night before, Iwaizumi had a splitting headache, his eyes were puffy with tears, and he was almost at his breaking point. His heart. It hurt . He hadn’t felt this type of pain in a while, it was almost unbearable. His feelings for Oikawa had only grown deeper and deeper after a month knowing him, being with him.
Because Oikawa always wanted to get meals with Iwaizumi, go to museums with Iwaizumi, watch movies with Iwaizumi, he always wanting to do fucking everything together. And of course Iwaizumi could never say no, he was too in love to be able to say no when Oikawa wanted to be with him. But it didn’t matter if they were together all day long, for weeks on end, because Oikawa was still always inviting someone else over for the night.
Iwaizumi shuffled around the kitchen, feeling numb and sad, forcing himself to cook breakfast. He had an empty hope that food might help his hurting heart. After he managed to cook his food without hurting himself, he settled heavily at the kitchen island, eating in silence.
He hoped he would be able to eat and lock himself back in his room before anyone else would wake up, he had hoped in vain. Because a tall, tall, handsome man was walking out of Oikawa’s bedroom, his raven black hair messy and disheveled, showing off the night Iwaizumi knew he had had. To add on to that, he was shirtless, bite marks and hickeys painted across his broad and tanned chest. Oikawa followed after the man, equally disheveled and shirtless, their hands intertwined. Iwaizumi’s stomach lurched in discomfort and he contemplated running out of the room before he would have to face this.
“Morning Iwa-chan!” Oikawa said chirpily, with that beautiful smile gracing his face.
Iwaizumi almost smiled back, Oikawa’s happiness was infectious, but then his eyes landed on those intertwined hands and the happiness faded from his features like the sun hiding behind a storm cloud, “Morning,” Iwaizumi said quietly, his voice coming out empty and cold.
Oikawa dropped the man’s hand immediately and glanced up at him with a plastered on smile and gestured to Iwaizumi, “Kuroo this is Iwaizumi, Iwa chan this is Kuroo.”
Iwaizumi glanced at Kuroo briefly before staring back into his food bowl, not saying a word. He didn’t want to know Kuroo. He could barely stomach looking at him. Kuroo didn’t say anything to Iwaizumi either.
Iwaizumi could hear him and Oikawa murmuring to each other as they walked around the kitchen, but he couldn’t bring himself to strain his ears to listen. He didn’t care, he didn’t want to know. He just carelessly put his unwashed bowl in the sink, leaving the kitchen without a glance at Oikawa or Kuroo.
“Wait!” Oikawa shouted, before Iwaizumi could turn down the hallway to his bedroom.
Iwaizumi turned around, “What?”
Oikawa looked sad, he looked desperate, as he searched Iwaizumi’s eyes, “Will you get dinner with me tonight? We can go to that new restaurant you told me about!”
Iwaizumi knew he should say no, knew it would only hurt him more, knew he should probably pack his things and move out of the apartment but instead all that came out was, “Sure.”
Iwaizumi trudged into his room before Oikawa could reply, closing and locking the door firmly behind him. He threw himself onto his bed, buried himself in blankets and pillows and sobbed silently for long minutes before falling asleep.
“He likes you, you complete asshole,” Kuroo said, shoving Oikawa hard on the chest.
"I-I know… Kuroo what do I do?”
“Well do you like him back?” Kuroo asked bluntly.
Oikawa’s heart squeezed at the question. Because of course he did. Of course he did.
Oikawa was one for denial and distraction, but he wasn’t completely stupid. He knew what it meant when his heart lit up at Iwa’s smiles, he knew what it meant when Iwa and his kind smile popped up in his mind late at night. He knew what it meant when he jerked off and for brief moments he imagined it was Iwa who was touching him with reverent hands and love sparkling in his eyes.
If Oikawa was being honest with himself, he had been denying his feelings for Iwaizumi since the day they had met, covering those feelings up with the guise of friendship and drowning himself in Kuroo’s body until he forgot who Iwa was for a brief moment. It never worked really, because Iwa was always just one wall away. Oikawa wondered if Iwa would ever know how many of those moans had only come because Oikawa had been thinking of him.
Oikawa sighed, “Of course I like him Kuroo, he’s… he’s Iwa. Maybe I even love him,” Oikawa said with a shrug, tangling his hands in his lap.
Kuroo gaped at him, “Holy shit Oikawa, you’re serious?”
Oikawa frowned at the ground, “And you sound so surprised because?”
Kuroo shook his head, “Oikawa you, you are the hookup guy, no offense. I love you, so much. But you don’t… fall in love. You don’t do anything serious, ever. Forgive me for being surprised.”
Oikawa huffed, “Well I didn’t do it on purpose! Believe me Kuroo, life would be much easier if I was still just the hookup guy, If I could just fuck Iwa and forget about it, but I can’t alright! I can’t fucking help that I love him!”
“Why the hell are you acting like you loving him is such a horrible thing?” Kuroo asked adamantly.
“Because it is! Because I can’t be with him Kuroo!” Oikawa shouted.
“Why the hell not? I really don’t understand what you’re getting at here Oikawa.”
Oikawa sighed, sat down heavily, “Because I love him Kuroo. I want Iwa to always be happy, I want him to always have that beautiful smile on his face. I can’t take that away from him. I-am just a mess. I bury my feelings in vodka and sex, I am insecure, and impulsive, and arrogant. He deserves so, so much better than me,” Oikawa said helplessly, feeling tears roll down his face.
“Shit Oikawa,” Kuroo said, pulling Oikawa into his arms.
Kuroo comforted Oikawa for long minutes while he cried before glancing at the clock, “Isn’t your dinner with Iwaizumi in a few hours?”
Oikawa nodded quietly, his head still buried in Kuroo’s neck.
Kuroo sighed, pulled Oikawa back so that they were eye to eye, “Oikawa I love you. You are an amazing person and you deserve so much more than you think you do. Yes you have flaws, just like everyone else, just like me. That doesn’t mean you don’t deserve love. You deserve it Oikawa, you deserve all of it. You are strong and intelligent and kind and Iwaizumi would be lucky to have you okay? Please don’t push him away because of your negative thoughts about yourself. I’m sure Iwaizumi would want to kick your ass if he knew the reason you aren’t together is because you think you’re not good enough for him.”
Oikawa laughed weakly, wiping the remaining tears away from his face, “I don’t deserve you Kuroo.”
Kuroo glared, “Yes the fuck you do. Stop saying bullshit like that okay?”
Oikawa sighed, “Okay, thank you Kuroo, really. I love you so much.”
“Good,” Kuroo said firmly.
“What if he doesn’t feel the same way?”
“You’re a fucking dumbass.”
Oikawa sat up with a gasp, “What! How am I a dumbass? That is a valid question!”
“Anyone with eyes can see that he loves you Oikawa, just fucking tell him you love him too,” Kuroo said.
Oikawa sighed, “I really love him…”
Kuroo smiled, “Good, now go get ready for your date you asshole. I’m going to play video games with Kenma.”
Oikawa hopped up, sticking his tongue out at Kuroo as he walked into his bathroom to shower, “Tell him you’re in love with him for me!”
“Yeah right,” Kuroo said with a laugh as he got up to leave Oikawa’s apartment.
Oikawa didn’t think he had ever been so nervous for anything in his life. Iwaizumi had become something so precious to him, so quickly. He was terrified he would do something to mess this up. He was terrified he would do something stupid and hurt Iwaizumi and end up losing him forever. He wouldn’t be able to look himself in the mirror if that happened.
After spending two and a half hours getting ready and agonizing over what to tell Iwaizumi at dinner, Oikawa was nervously sitting at the kitchen island, waiting for Iwa to emerge from his bedroom. It seemed like he had been in there all day long and Oikawa only hoped he hadn’t forgotten about their plans.
After what felt like forever Iwa was emerging from his bedroom and walking to the kitchen and Oikawa’s heart squeezed at how handsome he looked.
“Hi Iwa chan,” Oikawa said with a soft smile.
Iwaizumi looked nervous as he shuffled up to Oikawa’s side, giving him a tentative smile, Hey Kawa.”
Oikawa beamed at the nickname, Iwa always managed to be so adorable without even trying.
“Are you ready to go? I got us a reservation at the restaurant you mentioned the other day.”
Iwa gave a small nod and Oikawa smiled and grabbed him by the hand, dragging them both out of the apartment and towards the taxi cab that was waiting for them.
The ride over was comfortably quiet and before long the two were seated at a cozy Italian restaurant, the dim lighting and soft chatter keeping them company as they quietly looked over their respective menus.
Iwaizumi was uncharacteristically subdued during dinner and Oikawa knew it was because of him, because of what Iwaizumi had seen in the morning. Oikawa was doing everything he could do get Iwa in a lighter mood, but no matter how much Oikawa teased or complimented, Iwa stayed quiet and withdrawn, only giving short responses and small smiles.
He seemed like he was focusing on his food in front of him to avoid Oikawa’s eyes and it was frustrating to no end. It seemed like the only way Oikawa would be able to get through to him is if he just cam clean about everything he had done and hoe he felt and why. Oikawa was terrified, but his desire to see Iwa happy again overpowered any fear he had.
Oikawa was mentally preparing himself for the speech he had been editing in his head for hours when he felt a tap on his shoulder. When he looked up the blood drained from his face and he heard Iwaizumi audibly swallow as he looked behind Oikawa.
“Hello Tooru,” Ushijima said formally, carefully looking over him and Iwaizumi.
Oikawa swallowed, glanced to Iwaizumi who’s eyes were glued to the table, a deep frown etched on his face, “Hello Ushijima! What can I help you with?” Oikawa chirped, trying for politeness.
“Well I was just-“ Before Ushijima could finish his sentence Iwaizumi’s chair was scraping the floor as he practically jumped out of it, walking quickly out of the restaurant without a backwards glance at Oikawa.
Oikawa jumped up, “Sorry Ushi, I gotta go. Please don’t interrupt my dates anymore,”
Oikawa snapped as he chased after Iwaizumi out of the restaurant, throwing dollar bills on the abandoned table as he left.
Oikawa found Iwaizumi sitting on the ground outside the restaurant, his head buried in his hands. Oikawa settled next to him, bumping him with a shoulder, “Iwa chan can we talk?”
There was a slight sniffle and Iwaiumi lifted his head, looking at Oikawa with tired eyes, “There’s nothing to say Oikawa.”
“Yes there is. I have been… insensitive Iwa, and its not fair. It’s hard for me to be real sometimes, I know that. But I care about you Iwa. I want to be able to talk to you about things. Please hear me out?”
Iwaizumi sighed heavily, “Fine, talk.”
Oikawa swallowed, steeling himself, vulnerability wasn’t something he was comfortable with but he needed to do it for Iwa, “Iwa, you are… so amazing. Since the moment I met you I knew you were something special, and since then you have become so important to me. I know I’m shitty at expressing myself but really Iwa chan I care about you so much. I have… a lot of flaws. I party too much and I hook up with people to avoid my own problems and I just, you are so much more than that. When I realized I was falling in love with you I knew I couldn’t act on it. Because Iwa you are beautiful and kind and good and you deserve the world. I am just a mess Iwa. I am a mess and I am so desperately in love with you and I have been trying to avoid it because you desrve so much better than me. But I don’t want to lie to you anymore and I don’t want to do anything to hurt you so… yeah. I just love you and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”
Iwaizumi seemed speechless at Oikawa’s words, just staring at Oikawa silently with wide eyes.
After a few moments of silence Oikawa was already getting anxious, “Iwa chan please say something…”
Iwa blinked, “You love me?”
Oikawa sighed, “Yeah Iwa, I do.”
Iwaizumi’s eyes softened at the words, a beautiful smile gracing his lips, “I love you too, so much Oikawa. Its been killing me the last few weeks.”
Oikawa frowned, “I’m so sorry Iwa, I’m so sorry I’ve been hurting you for so long, I feel horrible…”
Iwaizumi shook his head, “I don’t want to hear that shit Oikawa, yes you have flaws, but you saying you don’t deserve me is complete bullshit. You are everything okay? You are so breathtaking and beautiful and witty and intelligent and I love you so fucking much, god you have no idea how much. So please, please don’t be so hard on yourself.”
Oikawa smiled softly, “Kuroo said you’d say that.”
Iwaizumi shifted at the mention of Kuroo, looking visibly uncomfortable.
“Iwa you should know, Kuroo is my best friend and I love him very, very much. Me and him hookup a lot because we are so close and know each other so well but Iwa, I love you. He knows how I feel about you and I won’t be hooking up with him or anyone else anymore okay?”
Iwaizumi nodded but swallowed uncomfortably, “You, you hook up with a lot of people right?"
Oikawa blushed and looked down at his hands, "I- yeah, yeah I do. I did. But I promise Iwa, I only want you, no one else."
Iwaizumi avoided eye contact, stayed quiet and tense.
After a few moments of silence Oikawa took Iwa by the hand, "What is it? What's wrong?"
Iwaizumi took a deep breath, "I've never... I just, you should know... I've never-"
Oikawa blinked in surprise, "You're a virgin?"
Iwaizumi blushed a bright red, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably,"Yeah, yeah I am."
"You’ve never? Ever?” Oikawa asked, the shock apparent in his voice.
Iwaizumi just shook his head.
“Have you… I mean, have you done other things?”
Iwaizumi shook his head again, blushing fiercely.
Oikawa nodded, “Sorry, I don't mean to sound so surprised, it's just... Why?"
"I-Do you know what demisexuality is?" Iwaizumi asked
Oikawa cocked his head to the side, "I've heard of it but i'm not that sure of details."
Iwaizumi nodded, "It basically means I don't feel sexual arousal unless I have an emotional connection with the person, and I guess thats been hard for me to find," Iwaizumi said with a chuckle.
Oikawa is silent for a moment, looking contemplative, "We can take things slow, we can wait. I- I mean obviously I want you, god I want you so bad it drives me insane. But more than that I want you to be comfortable, so we can wait as long as you need."
Iwaizumi laughed lightly, "Thank you Oikawa, that means a lot. But I love you, I want you too. I want you so much."
Iwaizumi smiled shyly, "Yeah. But if it's okay, I would like to take things a little slow. I-I have no idea what i'm doing, with anything. I want everything to be good for you."
"Of course. But Iwa, I know i'm experienced, but I don't care about your skill or anything like that. I love you. That's more than I've ever had with anyone else."
Iwaizumi smiled, blushing a bright red, “Thank you Kawa, I love you too.”
Oikawa smiled back and his eyes flit to Iwaizumi’s soft lips, “Iwa chan can I kiss you?”
Iwaizumi nodded and licked his lips, his eyes nervously darting between Oikawa’s eyes and his mouth.
Oikawa leaned in slowly, brushing his lips softly against Iwa’s before deepening the kiss into something more passionate.
They kissed slowly, exploring each other’s mouths and getting to know the feel of each other. Before long Oikawa slipped his tongue into Iwa’s mouth and he moaned at the taste.
Kissing Iwa was so much different from kissing anyone else. He felt more from these kisses then he had ever felt in his entire life with anyone else. Oikawa knew he could drown in this, could kiss Iwa for hours and never ever get bored. After a while they broke apart for breath and Iwaizumi looked so beautiful with his eyes blown out and his lips red and swollen.
“Iwa you are so beautiful,” Oikawa said reverently.
Iwaizumi blushed, “You are too Oikawa.”
Oikawa smiled softly, “Iwa chan, will you be my boyfriend?”
Iwaizumi laughed breathlessly, “Yeah, yeah I’d like that.”
2 months later
"You really didn't have to do all this Tooru," Iwaizumi murmured as he looked around his bedroom. His bed was covered in rose petals, his bedside tables covered in lit candles.
"I wanted to. It's your first time, I want it to be perfect," Oikawa said.
Iwaizumi huffed, "You really have to keep bringing that up."
Oikawa giggled, pushed Iwa softly onto the bed, straddled his outstretched legs, "I'm gonna make you feel so good tonight Hajime."
Iwaizumi gasped breathlessly as Oikawa unbuttoned his shirt, trailed soft kisses and bites down his torso.
Once Oikawa and Iwaizumi were both out of all of their clothes Oikawa settles back on Iwa's lap, stroking his cock softly.
"You're so beautiful Haji," Oikawa murmured.
Iwaizumi moaned softly, "You are too Tooru, so breathtaking," he said as he grazed his hands across Oikawa's waist.
Oikawa smiled, "Do you want to bottom or top tonight Iwa?"
Iwaizumi blinked, shocked by the question, "I-I don't know. I want both."
Oikawa chuckled, "We'll get there, but how about I ride you tonight? I already fingered myself in the shower."
Iwaizumi started, "You-you.."
Oikawa chuckled again, "You ready Iwa?" Oikawa asked as he positioned himself above Iwaizumi's hard dick.
"Y-yeah. Just... go slow."
Oikawa nodded and slowly sunk down on Iwaizumi's dick. Iwaizumi couldn't help but let out a choked out moan ot the feeling. So tight so warm. He was not gonna last very long at all.
"Fuck Oikawa, holy fuck," Iwaizumi moaned out as Oikawa began to move slowly.
Oikawa picked up his pace, kissing Iwaizumi's chest and neck as he rode him.
Iwaizumi moaned loudly, "Oh god Tooru please, I-I can't."
Oikawa grinned, kissed Iwaizumi softly on the lips, "It's okay, you can cum. Cum inside me Hajime."
Iwaizumi's control broke at the words and he was pumping Oikawa full of his cum, moaning so hard he knew the whole apartment coud hear. Iwaizumi was vaguely aware of Oikawa cumming shortly afterward, the warm liquid splattering on his stomach. Iwaizumu didn't know if he had truly passed out or was just still lost in his orgasm but by the time he was coherent again Oikawa was coming out of the bathroom, fully dressed and cleaned.
"Hi baby," Oikawa hummed as he got back in bed next to Iwaizumi, wrapping his arms around his waist.
"How long have I been out?" Iwaizumi asked.
"Just a few minutes," Oikawa said as he kissed Iwa on the lips, "How are you feeling? Was it good for you?"
"It was perfect. I love you."
"I love you too. Next time you can bottom if you want," Oikawa said.
Iwaizumi laughed softly, "I'd like that."
Iwaizumi was almost fully asleep when he heard Oikawa's soft murmuring next to him.
"I hope we can be together for a really long time Iwa. I love you more than you even know," Oikawa whispered, his lips pressed against Iwaizumi's neck.
Iwaizumi pulled Oikawa further against him at the words and he felt Oikawa tense briefly and then relax.
"Me too baby, I love you so much," Iwaizumi whispered quietly.
Oikawa tightened his grip on Iwaizumi at the words and a few minutes later the two were softly dozing, asleep in eachothers arms, only the light of the moonlight keeping them company.