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(How Do You) Keep Surprising Me

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So, for whatever reason, Tony was the luckiest guy in the world. He meets Captain America before Fury has a chance to hide him away and somehow manages to bag Captain Fucking America as his boyfriend. The look on Fury’s face when Steve turned in the official paperwork to sign off on them dating was possibly the best moment in Tony’s life.

Or at least until he had found out that the Captain had a seriously filthy mouth that could probably make a sailor blush. During their first battle, one that wasn’t very demanding due to the fact the things they were facing were simply giant puppies whose biggest safety hazard was the strands of drool pooling from their mouths, Steve used the private comm to explain to Tony in horrifically, wonderfully, technicolour detail how he was going to fuck him whilst still encased in the armour when they got home.

“I hope you can detach the groin plate.” He had whispered, a knowing smirk colouring the words, “Because otherwise I am ripping it off.”

Tony doesn’t think he can really be blamed for crashing into that tower. It wasn’t his fault – it had just sprung out of nowhere. Besides, he’d build them a better one. One with lasers and shit. People love lasers.

So that had happened, and it was amidst the dust and rubble with Clint cackling in his ear and Natasha muttering about stupid idiots who should learn to drive their fancy machinery that Tony realised he was several shades of fucked.

Apparently karma had actually banked him an entire shitload of good vibes because there was no possible way Tony’s life could be going any better right now. He had aches that caused him to think of absolutely delicious memories every time they twinged, and the smile Steve granted him with every time he saw him, the one that look like he was lit up from the inside, was entirely his own.

Tony will admit to feeling a huge amount tiny bit of possessiveness when they get an invite out to an Avengers fundraiser. They have to go, of course they do, but there is a dirty bit of Tony, a bit he doesn’t let out into the light, that wants to chain Steve to his bed and never let him leave. He’s lucky that up until this point aside their initial meeting he has managed to avoid having to attend any public events if only through entirely dirty tricks like telling Steve he’s not wearing any pants, or that the ones he is wearing are red lacy thongs perfectly reasoned and moral rationale.

Especially when the man comes downstairs looking like every military fantasy Tony has ever had rolled into one. He can’t possibly be real. He can’t possibly be the man that Tony gets to come home to every night.

Steve fills out every square inch of the khaki suit to perfection, trousers pressed within an inch of their life and the medals pinned on the left hand side are polished to shining. What Tony can’t get over, however, is the aviators perched on Steve’s head haphazardly like he’s pushed them up and forgotten about them throughout the day. Which, knowing how distracted Steve can get by drawing the New York sunset, is probably exactly what happened.

Tony doesn’t know what he’s done to deserve this in a past life, but he’ll be damned if he lets it slip through his fingers.

“You look absolutely gorgeous, are you sure we can’t stop for a quickie?” he says with a leer and grins when he gets the desired result in a throaty laugh from the super soldier.

“Tony no.” Steve says in that tone, the one that says ‘Tony you are an idiot but I am going to pretend to humour you because you are damn fine in bed’ “We are going to make an appearance because I think Fury is beginning to think I might possibly be locked up somewhere.”

“That’s not entirely a bad thing.” Tony huffs, and Steve laughs and kisses Tony’s forehead in a move entirely too tender for Tony’s poor heart to take and he has to move away before he does something stupid like leech onto Steve’s suit and never lets him go.

Instead he straightens his tie and moves off toward the elevator muttering about needing to get there on time. Steve’s footfall is quiet behind him and the gentle but consistent warmth comforts Tony in a way nothing else can.


When they arrive there are cameras absolutely everywhere. The flashes have Tony careering away from Steve. Aside from the initial encounter with Justin Steve has never been seen in public with him and he doesn’t think Steve deserves the shitstorm that would come with that particular revelation. He’s not even sure if Steve wants that kind of attention.

He doesn’t notice the set of Steve’s jaw, his eyes turning flat and dark as he strides inside alone. Tony only feels the cold absence without Steve’s arm around him.

Once inside, they quickly join up with the other Avengers. These kind of events are never really about the people involved unless it is for a quick photo to be uploaded to Instagram for a popularity contest. It’s more about rubbing shoulders with the elite, about the gift bags and the politics and the who’s who. Tony is so glad he has an excuse not to attend these anymore, to plaster on his fake smile and pretend that he’s happy to be there.

Tonight though, he genuinely is quite excited, even if he would rather be at home pinned against the wall by a certain six foot two wall of muscle. He’s sat huddled over the bar with a group of people that actually make him laugh for real, and he won’t say anything but he’s sure that Natasha’s glare is what’s keeping everyone else away.

Clint’s halfway through an anecdote that has Bruce cracking half a smile, betraying the tremors in his hand. Clint has an ability to set everyone at ease, to move past whatever is bothering them without even a look in that direction. When Steve has particularly bad nightmares and Tony is on the other side of the world unable to reach him, it is Clint that can be found in the kitchen, handing Steve a spoon and offering half of the opened Ben and Jerry’s tub without a word and Tony is eternally grateful. Steve has this stupid notion he has to hold everyone else up, to be strong so that others can afford to show weakness and Tony refuses to let him shoulder it all by himself.

Steve, however, is noticeably quiet. Normally he chimes in here and there with a dirty joke delivered in a sickeningly dry monotone that has even Natasha cracking a smirk. Tonight, however, he’s perched on a stool beside Sam instead of in his usual spot by Tony’s side and his absence is making Tony hurt a little.

He’s talking quietly with the Falcon, heads bent and when Sam reaches across to pat a hand to Steve’s knee Tony ashamed to say he sees red and gets far too possessive for a man who used to be so lax about relationships. He’s over to their side in a flash painting on a grin dripping with fake sincerity.

“So what are you guys talking about?” Tony curses his inability to sound anything like an insecure ten year old twirling her pigtails in the playground in front of her crush.

Steve looks up with a look that is entirely alien, voice dry (and not in the good way) when he answers, “Nothing really.”

Sam scoffs, “Not nothing, Steve. The fact the guy you are seeing doesn’t want to be seen with you in public is not nothing.” He flashes Tony a quick look of disgust and hold up Tony isn’t sure what he’s being blamed for here but not wanting to be seen in public with the embodiment of perfection is definitely not on the cards.

“Drop it Sam.” Steve’s voice is weary but firm. Sam flashes a look of pure murderous intent before slinking away from the bar.

“Hold on, me not want to be seen with you?” Tony’s voice is a little high pitched when he eventually manages to summon up the words, the pair blessedly alone at the corner of the bar because he’s not sure how he ends up in these situations but hey he’s Tony Stark he’ll roll with it, “ME not want to be seen with YOU?” he repeats for emphasis, gesturing wildly to every part of Steve.

Steve shrugs in return, “You never want to go out, always making excuses and when we finally do you move away from me. I thought…” he goes quiet before taking a deep breath and continuing, “I thought we were more than just a stress reliever after battles.” oh hell no Tony is never going to be personally responsible for the puppy dog look in those beautiful baby blues.

Tony laughs. Steve flashes him a look of anger and it is all Tony can do to force out the words in between the laughter bubbling out of him. “Of course I’m not embarrassed to be seen with you. How could anyone be embarrassed to be seen with you?” The laughter dies in his throat when he throws the next words out, “I just don’t want anyone else to have you.”

The look on Steve’s face goes through pure confusion, to amusement, to down-right filthy. The right side of his mouth curls into a smirk before he answers, “So you don’t want to share me? You sure cause I think Clint might be down for that… or maybe we could call up Hammer…”

Tony growls at this suggestion and chases that smirk down, grabbing hold of the lapels of Steve’s jacket and dragging him into a kiss so dirty he can vaguely hear Clint hollering at them to get a room.

Instead of taking up that advice he pulls back and Steve brushes Tony’s lips in a shockingly intimate gesture before speaking. “In all seriousness though, I don’t want this to be casual. I need… I need you. I can’t do this alone.” And curse this man for always being so stupidly brave and leaping before looking never letting Tony take the risk first.

“Of course this isn’t casual. I am stupidly in love with you, you foolish man.”

The smile Steve graces him with could fuel the Stark Tower for years.



Iron Man and Captain America were seen today in Central Manhattan KISSING in the aftermath of the latest battle against the Doombots. And according to sources, that’s not all they’ve been doing.

“It is disgusting.” Justin Hammer, of Hammer Industries, told us earlier today, “He’s corrupting a national icon and bringing him down into debauchery. Captain America used to stand for the pure, straight and religious American way and now I don’t think he stands for any of it. And it’s all Tony Stark’s fault.”

“Hey,” Tony pants out, hands stretched out above his head and tied down so he uses his head to gesture at the hologram above his head, “Did you know that I am- ah – apparently corrupting you?” Tony’s impressed he can string words together as Steve continues to hit that delicious spot again and again.

“Good thing I’m not that pure to begin with.” Steve huffs, sweat pooling in the crook of his brow, dripping slowly onto Tony’s torso as Steve looms above him.

“Or that straight.” Tony laughs but the last word comes out as a moan as Steve reaches a hand forward to jack him off so painfully slowly.

“If you are still able to talk I’m clearly not doing my job right.” Steve grins and leans forward to lick a path down.

Thank God for the good old American Way, Tony thinks dreamily.