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All That We Said (All That We Are)

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Castiel hated turning up to school on time. Normally, he was a good thirty minutes early, and the halls were still empty while he visited his locker and headed back to the bleachers at the back of the school, which was where he and his friends spent their free time. It was quiet back there, and outside—which was a problem on rainy days, but amazing when it was sunny—and although the jocks occasionally decided they wanted to sit out there as well, most of the time they were alone.

 

Unfortunately, today his car was in the garage for an oil change, so he was stuck taking the bus. The bus, which didn't arrive at school until most other people were already there and the halls were packed.

 

He pushed his way through the crowds, trying to ignore the loud voices that were already trying to give him a headache, and made his way towards his locker.

 

Unfortunately, he wasn't having any luck today, and Dean Winchester was already there, leaning against his own locker and talking to his friends. Normally Castiel managed to time it so that they didn't do much more than pass in seperate directions, and definitely didn’t end up at the lockers at the same time—mainly because Castiel's locker was directly underneath Dean's, but at least partly because he did not trust himself around the other boy—but this time it was out of his hands, and it was either go to first class without his stuff, or interact with Dean. It wasn't like Dean was a horrible person, not at all, Castiel just really didn't want to put up with him at this time in the morning.

 

Dean Winchester was what some people would describe as the king of the school. His group of jocks were at the top of the pecking order, and he was their unofficial leader. He was cocky, he was loud, he was boisterous, he was argumentative, and everyone saw that and immediately assumed he must have been designated 'Dom' when he took the test at eleven.

 

Which always made Castiel laugh, as he seemed to be the only one who had realized that that wasn't exactly true.

 

He had no proof, it wasn't like he had talked to Dean for more than a passing moment before, but he looked at Dean, and all his senses screamed Brat .

 

Castiel sighed loudly to himself, bracing himself before he walked the last couple of feet and found himself face to face with Dean. For a moment he couldn't say anything. Dean was just leaning against his locker, a cocky grin plastered across his face as he talked to his friends, and something in Castiel screamed at him to take the brat in hand and teach him how to be good.

 

He couldn't do that of course, so he just pushed the feeling down and cleared his throat.

 

"Excuse me, can I get to my locker please?" he asked, only having to wait a moment before Dean flashed him a charming grin and stepped to the side. The movement was clearly meant to be some sort of swagger, and it probably passed as that to everyone else, but Castiel saw the wobble, and he knew that just following Cas’ small request had knocked his armor a little bit. That was probably a good thing. Pretending to be something you're not was never a good idea.

 

"Thank you," Cas smiled after he'd grabbed everything and locked it up, he tried to put as much praise into his voice as he could without anyone else picking up on it—which unfortunately wasn't much. Everyone at school thought Dean was a Dom, including the teachers, and Cas had the feeling that the brat desperately needed a little bit of praise.

 

"No problem," Dean muttered, but Castiel could see the slight blush on his cheeks, and he walked away feeling a sense of pride.

 

Castiel still couldn't figure out how no one else knew what Dean was. Especially his friends, who he hung out with the entirety of the school day. He just radiated the need to kneel, and it never failed to get the Dom parts of Cas' psyche excited every time they got too close.

 

If Cas wasn't a nerd, he would have probably ordered Dean to his knees in the middle of school long before now—it was hard to resist doing so when Dean was making a scene, showing off and overall being the little brat he was—but the fact of the matter was, he was a nerd. And Dean deserved a Dom he actually liked. So he didn't say anything, even as all his senses kept an eye on Dean everytime they passed each other.

 

Castiel didn't have time to head out to bleachers before homeroom, so he ended up standing just outside the classroom a good five minutes early, scrolling through his phone and doing his best to look like he was busy, so he wouldn't look weird standing alone in the corridor filled with people talking to their friends. He found a couple of texts from his friends, which he quickly replied to, and from there he was left with the other apps on his phone.

 

And then he heard it.

 

"Come on Benny, we both know I'd win in a fight!"

 

Castiel looked up just in time to watch Dean shoulder-check his friend. He was grinning, as he pushed against the Dom, and Castiel felt something in him stand up.

 

When he had taken the test at eleven, it was pronounced him Dom. He hadn't been surprised, he'd been expecting it for years. What surprised him was he was placed in the subcategory 'Brat-trainer'. At the time he'd been confused; although he hadn't actually done anything yet, he was a healthy eleven year-old with a healthy imagination, and he'd always thought he'd be happier with someone who would be good, rather than someone who would fight back at every chance they got. He'd hidden it at the time, told everyone who asked that he was a Dom and refused to tell them his subcategory while he tried to get his head around it. There were so many subcategories, and yet he had never thought Brat-trainer would be his.

 

He knew otherwise now though. Now he was older he understood the need in his blood. He understood the pleasure he got from the thought of a brat, someone who would argue back while still wanting to be good, someone who would give Castiel a bit of resistance for him to work through.

 

And right now, watching Dean mess with his friend, watching the way his eyes shined as he tried to goad his friend into a fight, the brat trainer in Castiel took notice.

 

"Sorry," Dean laughed breathlessly as he nearly fell into someone, stopping for a moment to make sure they were okay. Once he was sure they were, he pushed against Benny once more, and their little shoving match continued.

 

Castiel felt his heart drop at the reminder of why he would never get the chance to find what Dean would be like when he fully let his brat go.

 

Dean was amazingly beautiful and amazingly nice and painfully out of Castiel's league.

 


 

Castiel's friends instantly noticed something was off about him at lunch. He was unfortunate that none of his morning lessons aligned with any of theirs—he swore whoever did the timetable hated him—and so this was the first time they were seeing him since homeroom. And, to be fair to them, something was off about him.

 

After years of ignoring Dean Winchester, one bus ride was apparently all it took to rip that all down. Everywhere he went, he saw Dean. Dean with his dazzling green eyes and adorable freckles that took Cas' breath away. Dean who never acted like his popularity made him better than anyone else, which was probably actually why he was so popular. Dean who was playing the part of the boisterous Dom in a way that perfectly hid the bratting Cas could clearly see underneath his every action. He was acting even brattier than normal today, though Cas admittedly didn't know if that was actually true or if he was just noticing today, but it definitely wasn't helping when it made Cas itch to teach him to behave.

 

"Come on, Cas," Charlie whined, putting on her best puppy dog eyes—they weren't that great—as though they would convince Castiel to tell her everything that was going on in her head. "You can talk to us." 

 

Frustratingly, she wasn't completely unsuccessful, though the eyes had nothing to do with it. Charlie was a Sub—a rope-bunny if Castiel remembered correctly from their first meeting—and somehow she knew exactly how to use that to her advantage when against Cas.

 

"I hate you," Castiel muttered, watching as Charlie punched the air in triumph. The rest of their table went silent, everyone leaning in to hear what Cas was saying.

 

"Sure you do," Charlie waved it off, "now what happened?"

 

"Dean Winchester happened."

 

"What did Dean do?" Jo asked, looking concerned. Jo was Dean's cousin, and Castiel could already see she was planning how to whoop his ass at the next family gathering, if Cas needed her to.

 

"Nothing," Castiel promised, "he's just infuriating."

 

"Uh oh," Balthazar, Castiel's long time friend and occasional sub muttered. Balthazar was a switch but sometimes when both of their needs lined up, they worked together to take an edge off. "I know that face. That's the one he always makes when I'm being difficult, and he's more than ready to pull me down a peg or two."

 

"Oh, so you see it a lot then," Gabe laughed from the other side of the table, getting an offended glare from Balthazar.

 

"Well yes, but the point here is not Cas taking me down a peg or two. The point is why Dean Winchester, a Dom, is making him look like that."

 

"Dean is not a Dom," Cas sighed, rubbing his temples. He could feel a headache forming, and he dreaded tonight's trip on the bus to get home. Nothing worse than a noisy bus. There was a reason he was so thankful that he was normally able to just take his car.

 

"He isn't?" Charlie asked, turning to face Jo.

 

"No, he isn't," Jo replied. "He chose to not tell anyone at school, and it wasn't really my place to do it for him."

 

"Wait, so what is he? Is he a switch?"

 

"Nope. Pure Sub. I don't know what his subcategory is though. He wouldn't even tell us that."

 

Castiel was fairly sure he knew, but he guessed Dean had avoided telling everyone for a reason, so he decided to keep that bit of information to himself. Not to mention the fact he had no way of actually knowing anyway.

 

"Okay, so- wait- Cassie," Gabe said slowly, "does this mean you want to Dom the fuck out of Winchester?"

 

"It appears so," Castiel grunted. "Sorry Jo," he added, when he saw Jo's face scrunch up in disgust. He didn't blame her, he wouldn't want to hear about his friend wanting to dom the fuck out of his cousin either.

 

"No problem," Jo mumbled. "So… what are you going to do about this?"

 

"Do?" Cas asked with a laugh. "I'm going to ignore it until it goes away." He hadn't been ignoring it for this long only to do something now.

 

"You can't just not do anything!" Charlie told him, "not when you're sitting there looking like that over this whole thing."

 

"Sure I can. It's easy."

 

"Castiel."

 

"Charlie." Castiel replied warningly, putting some of his natural strength into his tone. "This is my choice. Respect that."

 

 Charlie visibly shivered, her head lowering in deference. It held for a moment, and then Charlie managed to shake it off and return to her normal bubbly self.

 

"Well that was me told," she chuckled. "I promise to stop prying. But please Cas, if you're this wound up about it- just don't give up without trying."

 

"I'll think about it," Castiel relented. The table was quiet for a moment, and then normal conversation resumed, and Castiel was quickly distracted by a conversation with Gabriel about whether the school's cookies were good or not.

 

He was still thinking about what Charlie said in the back of his mind, but he promised himself he could worry about that on a different day.