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A Routine Physical At Work

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	Late into my shift at the office, my supervisor swings into my cubicle, lightly dropping another sheet of xerox onto my already cluttered desk.
	“Mister Anon, HR wants you.”
	“HR? What for?”
	“Something about an annual health inspection.”
	I briefly gloss over the document. “...'Mandatory health inspection for insurance purposes'? Is that even a thing?”
	“Beats me. You gonna go or nah?”
	“Not really much I can do if it's mandatory.”
	I leave my cubicle, head down the hall, and ride the elevator up to the tenth floor, where most of the administrative offices are. As the elevator doors open, eerie wisps of dark pink smoke roll in. It smells sweet, yet very heavily herbal, with a very small hint of mint. The smoke appears to be drifting out of every door of every office on this floor. I couldn't remember a time when smoking was in any way allowed in the building, but considering how everyone on this floor had the power to leave me homeless and begging for change outside the highway by the end of the day, I chose to ignore it.
	The human resources department was only three doors down from the elevator, and completely dark, in stark contrast to the bright LEDs shining through the windows of the offices next to it. I had nearly convinced myself that they had left for lunch, when the door swings open in front of me, hinges squealing like skidding tires.	
	There, bent halfway over, clinging to the doorknob, was a mature woman, looking somewhat intoxicated. “Hi honey!” She slurred, before straightening up into hunched posture, propping herself up against the door frame.
	One look at her was more than enough to confirm that she didn't work in human resources. Her silver hair was bundled into a loose ponytail, and fanned out unevenly over her left shoulder. She wore rose-tinted glasses, with a thin gold frame that sat nearly all the way at the front of her nose. Elaborate tattoos were visible all over her body, in part due to the extremely loose floral pattern robe she wore to cover herself. She brought the spout of a thin, engraved metal pipe to her lips, and took a drag of whatever was burning inside, before billowing out a cloud of the same pinkish smoke that filled the floor.
	“Umm, are you sure you can smoke in here?” I ask with the utmost politeness.
	“Of course I am. I'm the one who started it.”
	“...Alright. I'm uh, here for a health inspection?”
	“I know. Take off your clothes.”
	Her demand took a few seconds to register. “Excuse me?”
	“Well I can't really get a good idea of how you're built behind that stuffy-looking suit.”
	“I'm not going to strip down in a public place.”
	She looks at me quizzically, before grabbing my hand, and walking me into her office, shutting the door behind us.
	“This any better?” She sighs, folding her arms.
	“Not really.”
	“Would you rather I do this under your clothes?”
	“Isn't that how you normally do a check-up?”
	“It is, but I thought it'd be more fun the other way.”
	Realizing I was getting swept up in the moment, I shook my head quickly, and took a deep breath. “So, you're the director of human resources?”
	“Yeah. Got my degree and everything. There a problem?”
	“A few. For one, this floor should've alerted the fire department five times by now, with all this smoke. Also, not that I have any complaints, but your outfit probably doesn't fit dress code. And, why is human resources doing physicals?”
	“I can see why your supervisor penciled you in for a promotion.”
	“You've got a really clear head. Yeah, we've been discussing some potential changes to company policy, and we're starting by trying things out right here in the administrative offices. The chairman really seems to like the indoor smoking policy.”
	“And that's the other thing - what's with the pink smoke? Normally it's grayish, or even greenish, but pink?”
	The look on her face, though it was difficult to make out in the dark office, seemed to turn sour. “It looks like normal smoke to me. Have you had your eyes checked out recently?”
	“Last week, as a matter of fact. Also, why are the lights out?”
	“I don't really like people peering in on my business.”
	I was quickly growing frustrated with her. None of the answers she gave back to me made sense. It was as though the elevator had taken me down through a rabbit hole and into god-knows-what, instead of the tenth floor. The harder I thought about it, the more my head felt like it was being unscrewed from my neck. I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration.
	“So, you ready for that health inspection, honey?” The HR lady asks, breathing more smoke into the air.
	“Yeah, sure.” I sigh, defeated.
	“Go ahead and take a seat over there.”
	She directs me over to a plush leather office chair, situated against the wall, next to her desk. I take a seat, sinking in the loosely-stuffed upholstery.
	“Now, take a deep breath.” She commands.
	I inhale deeply, filling my lungs with second-hand fumes. Her hand slips under my shirt, her soft fingers tracing my chest and abdomen.
	“Wait, wait, where's your stethoscope?” I stammer.
	“My what now?”
	“You know, the little metal thing you use to listen for a heartbeat.”
	She leans against me, pressing her whole hand against my chest. “I can feel it just fine, you know.”
	I could feel my resolve wavering before her hapless demeanor. I had a feeling she knew exactly what she was doing, but the excitement rising within me made me second-guess whether or not continuing to resist her would truly be worth the trouble.
	Before I knew it, her hands had wrapped around to my backside, and her fingers were tracing the shape of my shoulder blades. She had also climbed on top of my lap, slipping her legs under the arm rests, locking us both in.
	“You're really well-built, you know that?” She hums, smirking.
	For the record – I'm not someone who regularly works out, so I'm honestly surprised she'd even say something like that. “Does that mean I pass?”
	“Almost. For privacy reasons, I didn't include this on the document I handed to your supervisor, but one of the requirements of this check-up is a penis inspection.”
	“I'm sorry, what?”
	“A penis inspection. On behalf of the insurance providers, I had to schedule a penis inspection day.”
	“I... um... I refuse.”
	“You can't, it's mandatory.”
	“There's no way I could do something like that here.”
	“What? Afraid you'll get made fun of? I don't judge by size, honey.”
	“That's not what I mean.”
	“Why are you so dense?” She suddenly snaps. “Most men would've bent me over the desk by now. How are you even holding back right now?”
	“You're not actually the HR lady, are you?”
	The relaxed, seductive posture from earlier shifts into a commanding, intimidating straightness. She takes another drag from her pipe, before tapping it against my forehead. “Ma-fu-ba.”
	“That doesn't-! Hey! I can't move!”
	“It's a sealing spell. It's built into the pipe, so I don't have to worry about using my own energy for it. Unfortunately for you, it means you've got two whole hours with me.”
	“I won't tell anyone about this, I swear! I just want to get back to work!”
	“That won't be a problem, honey. You work for me now. Full time.”
	She climbs off of me, unclasps my belt, and yanks down my pants, underwear and all. In my helpless state, I could do nothing but watch as she thoroughly inspected my nether regions with considerable curiosity.
	“My my, I'm glad to see the wonderland tobacco still affected you. It's an excellent shape, well-suited for being beneath a woman. You seem to be rather pent up as well. I take it you haven't had the time to relieve yourself lately? Life catching up to you and all that?”
	Very well past the point of being startled, I try to wrestle my way out of whatever she did to my body, but to no avail. The only part of my body I can move is my head.
	“You look awfully terrified for a boy who's about to lose his v-card. Are you one of those religious types who save themselves for marriage?”
	Her words sounded eager and teasing, but there was a hint of sadism that carried through her questions, as if a spider were talking to a fly caught in its web.
	“Can you at least explain why you’re doing this?”
	“If we’re going to be working together, I guess I can at least allow that. As you’ve probably already surmised, no, I’m not the real director of human resources. The real one switched places with me - voluntarily, mind you. I’m from another dimension, similar but different to the one you live in, where people like me live symbiotically with humans.”
	“I’m getting there, don’t rush me. Anyhow, while I detest the term, humans refer to us as ‘monsters’. Not all of them are as human-like as me, but my looks are what made me a prime candidate to be immersed in this new world. You see, the world I come from is going through a bit of a crisis. Because the humans didn’t fully integrate with monsters, we are slowly running out of options to secure human mates. Oh, right, I forgot, we’re all female, and we need human males to reproduce. Some of us need them to feed.”
	“It’s nothing violent. What we eat is something more intangible than flesh, that is, your spirit. We can get little bits of it through your spit, sweat, and perhaps most importantly, semen. Semen has a lot of it, as it’s the essence of human life. Every day, humans produce a lot of spiritual energy naturally, and we take a little bit of it for ourselves.”
	“So basically, you just want to come here and have sex with men.”
	“In short, yes. Though, if we do not fully integrate, we’ll most give birth to females. It’s a curse that’s been around since day one.”
	“And integration means?”
	“I guess a better word would be ‘conversion’. If every woman doesn’t become a monster, then the curse remains. As a result, the ratio between man and monster skews heavily, and we run the risk of starvation.”
	“Isn’t that just an invasion?”
	“If you like to think like a brute, sure. It’s far more civil than outright taking over a continent. And besides, we’re far superior to anything your human mates can give. Like this.”
	She kneels down in front of me, and moves her hand turned wrist-up. The underside of her index finger brushes against the tip of my exposed penis. I suddenly feel extremely light-headed, letting out an involuntary groan as my entire midsection clenches at once. I struggle to catch my breath as my cock throbs in a sudden, violent orgasm, spraying thick, white strands of sperm all across her face, glasses and hair.
	“The hell was that?” I grunt in between gasps of air.
	“Another spell. I can make you cum with just a touch. Neat, isn’t it?” She smirks, removing her glasses, and licking them clean while staring me dead in the eye. She uses her hand to clean the remainder off, and licks that clean, too. I can feel my body burning up just watching her.
	She continues to observe me with predatory glances. “My, I can already see the difference that just a little bit of your energy gives to my aura. Feel like giving up the chaste act yet?”
	“I’m not putting up any act. I’m not even sure if I want to be a part of whatever plot your world is up to. Sex is nice, sure, but that’s not all I want in a relationship.”
	“Oh, cut the fluffy bullshit, you’re reminding me of those armor-clad assholes back home.”
	“It’s not fluffy bullshit!” I snap back, in the loudest tone I can manage. “I can jerk myself off all day, every day, without feeling a single thing. That won’t change just because I have someone else doing it for me. I’m already past that. Do you have any idea how soul-crushing an office job can be? Not only that, but I’m a public-fucking-worker. I take calls from old ladies on the daily, asking why their disability benefits are ending when they need the money to feed their grandkids. I get torn the fuck up by people who have forfeited their homes, after the only guy who was paying for the fucking thing gets deported over a speeding ticket. I have to redirect suicide hotline calls to emergency centers, all while telling the sad bastard on the other end with a gun to his head that, maybe this world isn’t a horrible, disgusting, unfair place. Every day is a goddamn nightmare. Sex can’t fix that. Not even prescription drugs can fix that. But you know what can? Genuine fucking compassion. Someone to hold. A supervillain HR bitch, whose name I don’t even know, with a hard-on for world domination isn’t going to work out for me. I need someone who has my back just as much as I have theirs. So, unless you’ve got time to binge-watch b-movies drunk on a Friday night in the middle of all your Saturday-morning cartoon plotting, I’ll pass on being a lackey. Whenever you’re done with me, I’ll just walk home, and forget this ever happened, and you can carry on with whatever you feel like.”
	After letting all of that out, I felt like fainting. I’d never yelled that much at someone before in my life, but my current predicament left me with no other options.
	Her reaction to my raving was indecipherable. Her face had the same, sadistic eyes, the confident, upturned nose, but gone was the smug grin she had taunted me with. Instead, her lips were blank, as if she were deep in thought. Then, she uttered a single word in a blank, neutral tone.
	“That’s my name. You wanted to know it, right?”
	“Well, yeah, but-“
	“And I never asked you to be a lackey. Well, I did make that joke about you working for me full-time, but that’s all it was. A joke.” She choked. Tears slipped out from under her eyes, staining her face with mascara.
	“Look, Cerise, I don’t have it in me to forgive you for doing this. If you let me go, then maybe-“
	“Anon. It’s not about any big plans or whatever. All of that happens with or without me.”
	“Then why do all of this?”
	“Because I don’t want you to leave!”
	“If I tell you, will you promise not to run away?”
	The eagerness, the sadism from earlier had all vanished from Cerise’s expressions and way of speaking. I had the slightest feeling I was being manipulated again, but I’ve never seen crocodile tears on a face that red. She seemed genuinely anxious.
	“The truth is, I’ve had my eye on you for a while. It’s pretty easy to tell when you’re compatible with someone, especially with magic. All signs pointed to you being an ideal partner for me. That’s why I had all of this set up. I wanted to seduce you, yes, but it was for the purpose of securing a future with you. I was raised on the notion that sex was the fastest way to a man’s heart. All monsters are. I guess this world is pretty different from ours, though. So, even if you don’t forgive me, I’m sorry.”
	“I guess I can understand that, to an extent. So, can you let me go?”
	“No. You promised not to run away, so keeping you here is fair game, right?”
	“I thought the promise was that I wouldn’t leave? I won’t, so let me go.”
	“You still have an hour and forty-five minutes. I’m using it.” She scoffs, her sadistic smirk returning to her tear-soaked face. She disrobes, and climbs back on top of me, straddling my waist, my cock running right along her ass. She wraps her arms around my head, and pushes me into her cleavage, ruffling my hair gently with her fingers. “It’d be improper to let you return to work all stressed out, right? Don’t think about your job, and focus on getting all of that stress out of your system.
	I wasn’t going to deny how nice it felt. Her warm skin was incredibly soft, and her chest large enough to fit my entire face in. Her body was elegant, yet shapely enough to feel like a firm pillow. That, and the soft stroking of my hair, combined with her gentle, sisterly voice, was more than enough to put me into a trance. She smelled strongly of flowers, her odd tobacco, and lewd sweat.
	However, another thing I couldn’t ignore, was the rising tension in my lower half. My libido had nearly shut down after years and years of stress, and suddenly receiving all of this physical attention was stirring something up. Cerise seemed to notice as well, as her hips would gently rock as she comforted me, gently brushing her ass against my shaft.
	I had difficulty trusting her words, and had hardly any idea who she was, or even what she was, but that didn’t stop the part of my brain that wanted so desperately to violate her.
	“Hey, Cerise.” I muffled through her chest.
	“Yes, honey?”
	“You said that not every monster looks like you, right? But, what kind of monster are you?”
	“That’s actually a really smart question. The name of the species I’m a part of is ‘Nurarihyon’. It means something along the lines of ‘something hard to catch’. We’re expert deceivers.
	“And you don’t mind telling me this?”
	“Not if it means keeping you.”
	“So you’re serious about that.”
	“Of course I am. Do you have any idea how hard it is to hold myself back like this?”
	“You’re holding back?”
	“Monsters have notoriously high sex drives. That first taste of semen I got from you is driving me crazy. But, I’ll be a good girl.”
	“Alright, then. If we’re going to be honest with each other from now on, then I’d like to say, in complete honesty, that I really want to fuck you.”
	“In complete honesty, eh? I’ll hold you to that, you know.”
	“You don’t have to worry about that at all.”
	“Alright, don’t disappoint me now, honey.”
	I feel the stiff metal end of her pipe tap the back of my head, and, although a little numb, I’m able to move again.
	“Second question. Since I can’t really move from this position, would you mind standing up?”
	“Sure thing.” She carefully moves herself off of me, standing with her hands expectantly behind her back, and, more importantly, with her back to her desk.
	Eagerly, I get up from the chair, grab her by the shoulders, and force her down to the desk. She makes no attempt to resist me, instead, she lifts her legs up, ready to accept me. Just looking at her is riling me up. Without giving it another moment of thought, I force myself inside of her.
	“Holy shit.” I gasp. It doesn’t feel anything like masturbation. Granted, I doubt I’d be feeling this way if she wasn’t the one on the desk right now. Even so, the experience is entirely different. It’s warm, almost hot, and slippery, yet tight. I grab hold of her legs, and start thrusting. Had I not ejaculated earlier, I surely would’ve lost it here. I didn’t even know I could go for a second round, but I sure was happy about it.
	“There you go, honey, right there!” She coaxes, moaning through her teeth.
	Like a feral animal, I keep humping her, completely unsure if what I’m doing is even proper. Looking up at her, her smile looks less sadistic and more satisfied, as though she were staring at me at a wedding ceremony. It was a sweet, innocent kind of smile that only made violating her more erotic.
	“Honey, you’re drooling a little. Are you okay?”
	Shit, I didn’t even realize. Nothing I can’t rub off on the shoulder of my shirt. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
	I move my hands down to her waist, pulling her closer. My eyes catch her ornate tattoo of a blue rose, one that climbs up all the way up the right side of her waist, and stops at her right pectoral. The detail on it is incredible, it’s almost like a painting.
	“You’re gritting your teeth, honey. Having a hard time holding it in?”
	“Shut up.”
	“Oh come on, you don’t need to be embarrassed. You can cum as much as you want.”
	“I’m not gonna lose twice in a row to you.”
	“Oh, it’s a competition, is it? Do you know what you’re dealing with?”
	“Wait, why do you still have that pipe?”
	“I’m never without it. And it’s called a kiseru.”
	She puffs a cloud of pink smoke in my face, which, with how I was panting like a dog, I inhaled wholesale. Oddly enough, it wasn’t asphyxiating the way you’d expect normal tobacco smoke to be. “Just what are you smoking, anyway?”
	“Wonderland tobacco. Smoking it is kind of like eating, in a way. It also makes you really, really horny.”
	“Oh, does it?”
	“Also, that’s technically our first indirect kiss. You should be thanking me.”
	“I’m already thanking you enough-!” I froze, balls-deep in her, feeling the sudden surge of a powerful orgasm about to burst.
	She smirked devilishly as the proof of her victory over me spread out inside her. “It also makes you really sensitive.”
	“That’s cheating, dammit.” I grunted.
	“Oh, don’t worry, I already came three times.”
	“What? How?”
	“I’ve always been quiet. At least, while I’m lying down. Though, considering you’re my first man, why don’t we find out what happens when I’m on top?”
	The way she talks drives me nuts. She’s just husky enough to be sexy, yet with a high enough pitch to still sound cute. “Alright, let’s see.”
	“Lie down on the desk for me, honey, and make sure to keep those legs together.”
	I do as she ordered, and she’s quick to climb on top of me, and push me inside her. “Haha, just as I thought. It’s a perfect fit when I’m riding you.”
	It really did feel twice as good, even though I was hesitant to let her take control of the bedroom scene again.
	Within seconds, she lost herself to lust, shaking her hips against me like an animal in heat. She leaned over me, hungry eyes staring deeply into mine, her tongue drooping out of her open mouth. My mouth was open, too. It was impossible to breathe enough oxygen through my nose to keep up with her pace.
	Suddenly, she grabs me by my tie, and pulls me upward into an uncomfortably deep kiss, before suddenly seizing up.
	“Oh fuck, oh fuck!” She muffles into the kiss. “Cumming! Cumming!”
	Her insides hugged me for dear life as she screamed out the rest of her orgasmic chant. Then, she collapsed on top of me, muttering “Love…” through her exhausted panting.
	“Are you alright?”
	“I came ten times, really fast. I think I’m gonna…”
	“Cerise? Cerise?!”
	She passed out on top of me. I honestly wasn’t expecting that.

	We stayed like that for a little past half an hour, with Cerise muttering all manner of lovey-dovey nonsense into my chest in her sex-induced nap. When she finally woke up, she proceeded to say just about all of those things out loud while clutching me tightly, as if it were some kind of ritual.
	After all of that, we got cleaned up together in the restroom, and said our goodbyes. She gave the command to my supervisor to let me off my shift, and told me to head straight home. I didn’t think anything of it, until I opened the front door to my apartment.
	“Wait, aren’t you still supposed to be at the office?”
	Cerise took a sip of a beer that she had undoubtedly plundered from my fridge. “I get around. Starting tomorrow, you’ll be my personal secretary at the office.”
	“What does that mean?”
	“Nothing, really. You’re dating a Nurarihyon, you can do whatever the hell you want, and no one will be any the wiser. With that said, I’m finally starting to get a buzz on. Wanna watch some movies?”

Thanks for reading! It’s been a long while since I’ve written anything, so I figured I’d get weird with it. Expect a couple more stories after this one, and maybe open commissions(?)
I’ve also been doing a lot of plotting to (hopefully) try my hand at making a simple visual novel-type thing in ren’py. It’s been pretty fun so far.
Hope you have a good rest of your day, wherever you may be!
If you want to keep in touch, here’s some cool contact info.
Discord: Foams#5531
Discord server:
I don't normally want to do this, but I recently was taken out of work for a week because I came down with bronchitis really, really badly. To quote a pal out of context:
"u sounded like death hope u get to feeling better"
(shoutouts to puuyo)
This is a new job, so I don't have any sick days yet, so if you'd like to pitch a pity buck or two, I'll plug my ko-fi.