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Feelings Swept Under

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Kei sighed a breath of relief that he didn't know he had been holding for so long. They'd finally done it, after so long, after so much trouble, Sato was finally captured. Kei would almost laugh at how..... he was going to think of something to describe it, but honestly, he felt way too tired to. All his adrenalin was finally wavering away, leaving him with a tiredness that was so indescribable. God, he already felt so goddamn tired when he was talking with Kai, no wonder he felt on the verge of collapsing.

Kei sighed, thinking of Kaito reminded him he needed to check on him. Not because he was worried for him, well he was, he was very worried, but he wouldn't admit it, repressing his emotions was the one thing that's kept him going and it's not like he was going to stop anytime soon. So, yes, not because he was worried but because he still needed to repay, that idiot. Kei scowled, seriously who the fuck actually goes in the middle of a literal battlefield just for one person? What an idiot. Going just for me-

Nope, that was enough for Kei, he wasn't going to think about that any longer. Instead, he dragged himself away from the plane, where Sato was, and started making his way to the sewer, where he last left Kai.

Kei scowled the whole-time walking, seriously he just didn't understand Kai and his stupid, idiotic, need to help everyone.

"Hey."

Kei looked up to see none other than the golden eyed idiot in question. He stopped and stared at Kaito, not moving an inch. For a guy who had just died right in front of eyes, his brain still hadn't really processed all that, he seemed fine. Well, he still looked a bit scuffed, but who wasn't right now.

Kai, seeing that he wasn’t going to be getting a response from Kei, looked over at the plane, that wasn't that far from them, and tilted his head in questioning way. Kei, of course, knew what Kai was asking. 'Is that Sato in there?' Or the 'bad guy' as Kaito would call him. Kei just stared at him longer, too tired to really do anything else or say anything else to him.

Eventually, though, Kei nodded. "Yeah," he sighed, "yeah it is."

Kai nodded back, his lips twitching into a smile. "Guess you're not the biggest idiot then."

That.... was not what Kei was expecting. Seriously? After everything, that's what he starts with? Kei didn't know how to respond; he couldn't even muster up the energy to tell him how stupid he is. And how wrong he is for that matter. Yes, Sato was captured, but his plan still failed, he still got so many people involved and for what? But instead of voicing all of that, Kei just looked Kaito straight in the eyes, mumbled, "still am," and passed out.

Although, of course, even his sleep, Kei still couldn't get any rest. He was plagued with nightmares, well less nightmares, and more just memories. Memories of those ten horrid days, memories of all those times he's shot or killed himself, memories of what's just happened. Continually chopping his fingers to scale that fucking wall. Just memories of all the pain and suffering. Memories of all the shit that's happened to him, all the shit that he's repressed or locked away. But sleep is always one's enemy, always bringing back up stuff you want to keep away forever. Stuff you don't want to think about. Stuff you try to repress.

Kei jolted awake, another thing that always seemed to happen whenever he went to sleep nowadays. He sighed and ran his hands through his hair, before remembering that he didn't actually know where he was. Kei lifted his head and looked around where he was. It was a plain blank room, with nothing but a bed and chair. But it wasn't just any plain room, it was a room at their hideout. Well, hideout was a stupid word for it, Kei would argue, it was more just a building they were using for various things, but whatever.

Kei, laid upright in the bed, staring at the door. He figured he should probably go see how everything, and everyone he guessed, where doing. But Kei just stayed in bed, he was still exhausted to get up, and his dreams, well memories, certainly didn't help. Plus, if he got up he'd have to face people and that probably meant Kaito. Or maybe, Kaito could've left by now, but Kei knew he wouldn't, it was him who did the leaving anyway.

Although, before Kei could debate whether he should make his existence known, his door opened, with none other then Kaito entering the room. Kei internally sighed, of course Kai would be the one to check on him.

Kai, who had noticed Kei was awake offered a, "hey," while he walked inside the room, closing the door behind him.

Kei, just like before he passed out, started at Kaito, this time with his slightly rested mind, actually thinking of things to say. While his mind thought of many, many, different things he could say, or yell, at Kaito, his mind selected the basic thing it knew.

"You're an idiot." Kei murmured, staring at Kaito.

Kaito, though, knowing Kei, didn’t take any offence from this. Also, he wouldn't deny that either; he was an idiot.

So, Kai, instead, ignored Kei's comment and asked him something else. "How are you feeling?"

"Like utter shit, thanks."

"When was the last time you got any sleep?"

Kei scoffed, what was this? An interrogation now?

"Doesn't matter, what are you doing here?" He asked, even though he already knew why. Kai was here because he’s Kaito and that's just how he is. But also, it wasn't just that, Kei knew that Kaito cared for him, and he did back, although he doesn't let himself think about it often, or at all, but deep inside he knew.

"Checking up on you." Kai answered simply.

Kei knew that answer was coming, but he really wishes it didn't. He knew that's what Kaito would say, but he doesn't want to hear it. It always hurts when he says things like that, he's always coming to help or check on him, while he does nothing to repay him. His mind would argue that it was Kai's fault for being so usable, but another part of him, the part of him that holds all his guilt, would whisper that it wasn't fair to Kai.

Kei, still trying to hold all feeling down, waiting for Kaito to just leave, waiting for them to split apart from each other like what always happens, covered up what he wanted to say while another disinterested sounding answer.

"It's not safe here." Kei mumbled. He didn't want Kai to die in front of him again. He didn't know if he could bring him back again, or if he did even bring him back to life in the first place. He still doesn't really know what happened, and he's sure not about to ask anytime soon.

"Would you rather I go?" Kai asked, looking at Kei, trying to seem neutral, but Kei could see the sad expression hiding underneath.

And that got him, the sadness creeping through his neutral made Kei bite down his automatic response, a response he would definitely regret. Kei didn't want Kai to go, not in a million years, he's already ran away so many times and it still hurts him to think about. He didn't want Kai to leave but he didn't want him to stay either. Every time he was with Kai he felt..... so much. He felt so many different things that it was almost painful. But on the other hand, when Kai wasn't with him everything seemed..... bland. Bland and painful.

Kei, looked away from Kaito, not quite able to meet his eyes after that question. God, he really was mess. Logically, he knew what he had to say, to make him go away. But Kei didn't want him to, some stupid, idiotic part of him, didn't want him to. God, he hated emotions, getting in the way with his logicality, especially when he can usually burry them so well.

After a good few minutes of berating himself, Kei, mumbled something, having completely turned away from Kai now.

"Don't." Was all Kei mumbled, a mumble so quite, it was practically a whisper. For Kaito though, that one simple word was everything. It was Kei giving him permission to stay. Even if Kaito didn't want to leave, if Kei wanted him gone, he would be, no matter how much it hurt. So that one word, one simple word, made Kai smile.

The two sat in silence for a while, Kei not wanting to say anything else, already kicking himself for asking Kaito to stay, when it wasn't logical in the slightest. And Kaito, who would usually start a conversation, no matter what situation stayed quite as well. He knew that Kei probably wouldn't be up for talking right now, or if he was, he needed a moment to think.

Kei, who was still arguing with his mind, suddenly remembered something that he was meaning ask, something that would, unfortunately for him, get him to break the silence.

"How did you even get out a juvie anyway?" Kei asked, turning to face Kaito again, a twinge of guilt running through him. He was the one responsible for why he was in there in the first place.

Kai, looked Kei in the eyes, his lips twitching into a smirk. "Flew."

Kei started at Kaito, this time in absolute confusion. "H- what??"

Kaito, still smirking, responded. "Big bird."

Kei just looked at Kai, his face in utter disarray.

Kaito, chuckled at Kei's face, deciding that he's had his little bit of fun and gave him the truth. "I meet someone, in juvenile, and they'd said that they'd give me one chance to get out, when I needed. They had one of those invisible things, like you all seem to have, turns out their's could fly."  

That caught Kei's interest, he knew that everyone's IBM was different but he didn't know you could get ones that could actually fly. Honestly though, he thought, he shouldn't be that surprised by now, he can literally come back to life, all the time, and cause a flood of IBM's. But more importantly, someone wanted to help Kaito.... well, he did say he made some friends in there.

"A friend?" Kei asked.

It was Kaito's turn looked at Kei questioningly.

"You said, when we were at the base, that you made some friends, so I just thought...." Kei trailed off, it wasn't important, he didn't why he was caring to ask anyway.

"Mhm, I doubt he'd class me as his friend."

Kei gave a huff, "but that doesn't stop you though."

"Nope." Kaito agreed.

The two trailed off into silence again. Although, this time, Kaito picked up the conversation, instead of leaving it.

"So those invisible things-"

"-I-IBM's.” Kei corrected.

"-Yeah them, do they hurt? When you bring them out."

Kei, furrowed his eyebrows. "No, no, they don't hurt. Why are you so interested anyway?"

Kaito, shrugged. "Just wondering."

Before Kei could ask any further, of why are you interested. The door opened, reminding him that other people exist. The door opened to reveal Kou, who stopped, seemingly surprised to see Kei awake.

"Oh, oh! You're awake."

Kei, rolled his eyes. "This place isn't exactly sound proof, surely you heard talking, moron."

Kou, dropped slightly. "Yup, you sure are awake alright, already insulting people."

Kou hesitated at the door, not sure if he should come in or not.

"Come in," Kaito said, letting Kou in, knowing Kei probably wouldn't have said anything.

While Kou was making his way into the room, Kaito got up from the chair, letting Kou have it. There wasn't really much space in the room, only really the bed and chair to sit on, and Kaito decided that he'd have more luck of being allowed to sit on the edge of Kei's bed, rather then Kou. And he was right, as he slowly sat down on the bed, Kei discreetly moved his legs so Kai would have more space. Kou watched this whole thing go down, with a question, that was clearly showing on his face, but he wouldn't ask it.

"So," Kei sighed, clearly done with the conversation that hasn't even started.

"Well, uh, I thought I'd come see how you were doing, since Kai hasn't come back yet."

Kei nodded, that's fair.

"And, yeah, you sure are awake."

"That I sure am,” Kei grumbled. “Is there anything else you want to say, or are you just going to comment on how I'm conscious."

Kou grunted, "I'm trying to work my way there."

Kou having now realised that Kei doesn't care about anything to do with himself, just went straight to the important news. "Tosaki's dead."

Well, then, Tosaki's dead, Kei's not too surprised by that, he was only human after all, and their work was very dangerous. Kudos to Tosaki for surviving that long, he lasted longer than Kei expected.

"Okay." Was all the response Kou got from Kei.

Kou, looked at Kei, like he wanted to be angry at Kei for being so nonplussed about it, but he couldn't. He knew how Kei didn’t really care for Tosaki much in the first place, but he still hoped for a little more than a ‘okay.’

And then, just like that, the silence was back. With, as usual, Kaito taking it upon himself to pick it back up again.

"So, is there any other important news?" Kai asked, more for Kou's sake then Kei's.

"Not really, you pretty much know everything else. Like!" Kou said, suddenly gaining more energy. "How we captured Sato! How we caught that bastard!”

Kei, couldn't help but feel a little happy then. Not happy in the sense he was buzzing, like Kou was, happier in the sense that he doesn't have to work himself to try and outsmart that annoying man. Happier in the sense he can get some rest, happier in sense, that even though his plan failed, they still got him.

"Yeah," Kei sighed, with a small grin trying to twitch its way into his lips. "We sure got that bastard."

And this only fuelled Kou's excitement, because if Kei, of all people, was celebrating, you knew it was good.

After basking in their victory for a couple of minutes, Kou remembered something else.

"Oh, yeah, also, uh, so Ogura wanted to ask this before he left, but I also want to ask you-" Kou seemed to be debating over how to say what he wanted to say, but Kei already knew what he wanted to ask. He said Ogura and that only meant one question.

"The flood." Kei cut in.

Kou scratched his neck. "Yeah, it's about the flood."

"Flood?" Kaito, who was happy to stay quiet, but was too curious to now, asked.

Kou turned to Kaito "Yeah, flood, it’s when your IBM goes crazy and can't stop coming out, creating tons of them that are out of control, like a flood."

Kaito hummed.

"Ogura told us about them and he warned Kei about them, apparently they happen under extreme emotions.” Kou, blathered. “Wait, weren't you there? Surely you saw it, right?"

Kei cringed, remembering the flood. It started right after Kai got..... yeah, so no wonder Kai doesn't remember.

"Must've happened after I was shot." Kai shrugged.

Kou and Kei both gave various reactions of 'what?!' And 'you remembered?!'

"No, wait, you're saying you were shot, but you're not an Ajin?" Kou rambled.

Kei just stared at Kaito; he seriously didn't think Kai remembered. "I- how? I thought you forgot? I mean you haven't mentioned it!?"

"You haven't mentioned it either." Kei shot back.

"Yes, because I love telling people that are some how alive, that I saw them die right in front of my fucking eyes." Kei practically growled, gripping his fists together.

Kou, still shocked, felt something click. "Wait, ignoring how you're still alive, and not an Ajin apparently, is that what started the flood?"

Kei furrowed his eyebrows at Kou. Because no, he was not about to admit that, he didn't want to admit that.

Kaito, however, looked over at Kei.

"Kai, you said you were with Kei and then suddenly you don't remember anything, being shot and all, and next is the flood!" Kou was getting more hyped about this, like he was a detective putting clues together.

"Floods being caused by extreme emotions-" Kou continued, while Kaito stared, what felt like a hole into Kei.

"-So, Kaito's death caused your flood!"

That's it, Kei decided that he would be the first person to murder an Ajin, and keep them dead. Kou was really trudging in places Kei wanted to ignore, hoped he could leave under wrapped. He didn't want to think about, it meant he actually had to let some feelings out, and if he did that, he didn't know if he'd be able to stop.

Kaito, being the saviour he is, sensed that Kei was not happy that he figured this out, asked Kou to leave, politely. Knowing that Kei may actually murder him for bringing up things about his feelings. Yes, he wanted to know if the flood was really caused by him, but still he knew Kei had short limits. Luckily, Kaito managed to get Kou to leave the room, much his confusion and disarray.

After Kou was, basically, pushed out the room, and the door was shut, tightly. Kaito turned around to face Kei, who was staring hard at the wall.

"You okay?"

Now this got Kei because one, no, he was not okay in slightest, he was very much not okay. And second, Kaito was still worrying over him, still worrying over him when this situation was about feelings for him.

At this point, Kei’s feeling where already starting to overflow. He was already doing worse than usual, with his exhausted body and mind, but he could usually still keep his feeling under control no matter how tired he was. But for some reason he just couldn’t today, not now, and he finally snapped.

"You're such a fucking idiot!" Kei snarled. "You literally just die and then act like everything’s fine, yes, I die all the time so shut up before you start, but you only have one life. One fucking life and you keep using it on me, you spent it on me." At this point it was all coming undone, all his emotions and worries over Kai that he was keeping under wraps was bubbling over, spilling, and finally being said. "You keep helping me and I’ve never got to repay you yet! And then you go and die on me, leaving me with not being able to repay you, leaving me with all these fucking, just-" Kei let out what can only be described as a mixture between a sob and shout.

Kaito means so much to him, so much and he's not been able to do anything for him. Kai's just been giving to him and he's not been able to give back. The selfless bastard, who would help anyone, drops all the over people be would help, for one person. And this makes Kei feel guilty, makes him feel a guilt that was so strong it may as well killed him.

And Kei couldn't stop, once the tears came, he couldn't stop, and Kai wouldn't leave him either. Kaito sat next to Kei and wrapped hkm into a tight hug, letting him get it all out. He knew Kei was holding a lot, too much, but he didn't know it was this much, he didn't know Kei cared about him this much. It seemed he cared as much about him that he did too him.

So, Kai sat there on the bed with Kei, hugging him tightly, letting him get it out, how long had it been since Kei was last aloud to cry? Kai didn't want to know actually, he probably wouldn't like the answer.

The crying lessened, eventually, slowing into sniffles and then replaced with a limp Kei in Kai's arms. Kei didn't want to say anything, he didn't want to move, not even a muscle. He felt safe in Kai's arms, he felt safe and he hated how much he felt safe, he hated how much he loved the idiot. The selfless golden eyed boy, that would do anything for him. He especially hated himself for being so weak to it. He hated it, yet he didn't at the same time. Sure, he can say he hated it, but in truth, he liked it. He liked it and he despised that.

He despised how much he loved Kaito. He despised how much guilt he had, he despised how Kai loved him back, even though he didn't deserve it. It was horrible, yet he didn’t want it go.

"I'm sorry." Kei mumbled into Kai's body, because he was sorry for everything. He felt so bad for everything’s he’s done, he fekt he didn’t deserve it and his mind screamed how illogical this was, but he couldn’t let go.

"I know," Kai mumbled, softly, into Kei's back. "I know."