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my heart is lost; the beasts have eaten it

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Ajax dreams of Snezhnaya often; of the clear blue water, even clearer blue skies, and his home. He knows that home is figurative, home is where your loved ones are, isn't it? And he finds himself longing for more, more of everything, time spent with his family comes back as flashes in his memory and, he longs for something more that could be with the man currently sleeping on his arm.

His wants are often delusional. Both of them clearly know that what they have together holds no future, yet he can't bring himself to stop thinking about Diluc. He acts all tough and mighty, but Ajax knows, that when they are being soft with each other, that he also cares about him. They always skirt around the topic of the future, but that doesn't mean that it is not always looming up above them, in big, boldened letters. Diluc sighs in his sleep, and brings Ajax out of his self destructive thoughts. He looks so pretty like this, with his fiery hair all around the cream pillowcase, and his mouth quirked up in a small smile. Ajax feels like that smile is just for him.

He always loves to talk to Diluc. Both of them talk to each other about unending topics, from the most mundane things going on in their daily lives, to some trivia about their pasts. They often try to bypass that too, changing the topic to something harmless, but lately they have become more trusting of the other person. This trust terrifies Ajax. He acts like he doesn't care much about him, but inside he knows he would raise hell to avenge him if ever the need arises. His proposition was strictly physical, but it often feels like a double edged sword to him. The funniest thing is how Diluc reminds him of Snezhnaya, even though there is nothing Snezhnayan about him, he feels like home to him. He never asks him too many questions about where he has been, what he has been doing, but whenever Ajax is in town and asks him to meet, he is there. Ajax loves his fiery hair, loves winding his index finger around Diluc's curls, pulling them a little too hard to make him wince. He likes to trace the curve of his mouth, then kiss it, which often makes Diluc blush the same colour as his hair.

Ajax knows that what they've got going on is only going to hurt him like a bitch in the future but he also knows that he is like a fool in love. He used to sneer earlier, at others who had preceded him in the long list of fools in love, yet he finds himself at that very same spot now.

"Ajax," Diluc says his name. Ajax rather likes his name on Diluc's tongue. He is all misty eyed, clearly he only woke up a couple seconds ago.

"This was a wrong thing to do," Diluc continues.

They might be together in some ways, but this was uncharted territory. Diluc had never spent the night in Ajax's bed. Ajax feels like his entire body is on fire. 'Is he perhaps going to call off our entire proposition?' he can't help but panic.

Maybe what they had going on is now over for good or for worse. He would miss kissing Diluc, would miss roughly yanking off his gaudy coat, would miss putting his hands underneath his white shirt, and most of all he would miss putting Diluc's dick in his mouth.

Panic floats in his stomach, ready to lurch at any instance and then Diluc says, "I do not think this should continue for much longer. I am sure you must think the same too. I will miss you." With that he rises up, and is gone from the room in an instant, leaving behind a dumbfounded Tartaglia.