Phil has been living with Dan for almost five years now, so of course he’s thought about something happening between them. I guess, when you’ve been around someone for that long, breathing the same air as them, spending basically every heartbeat by their side, your mind does start to wander. So yes, Phil has spent a few minutes, maybe even some nights, pondering the IDEA of Dan and him getting together. But just the idea, that’s it. Phil has sworn to never act upon his curiosity regarding Dan and him becoming a ‘thing’. He knew Dan didn’t feel the same way about him. Hell, he didn’t even know if he felt that way about Dan! Phil knew he wasn’t gay, but he wasn’t exactly a raging heterosexual, either. But Dan, Dan was 100% straight, that boy was as straight as a ruler, and not one of those bendy ones, he was a plain wooden ruler, Dan was straight.
Phils not too sure how long he’s been standing in the middle of their kitchen with a blank gaze clouding his eyes, but he figures it has been long enough, because he spots Dans dark brown eyes on him. The slightly taller boy is looking him up and down with a curious glint flickering in his eyes. He goes to ask Phil a question concerning his thoughtful stance but closes his parted lips after thinking better of it.
“Phil c’mon, I’ve been waiting for you to come and sit down for so long that my lucky charms are melting into my cow juice, leaving a magnificent radioactive spill of rainbows and sugary goodness. But it’s getting soggy and so is yours!” Dan pointed out strongly, but his dimples where in full bloom, which made the corner of phils mouth turn up, forming a slight smile.
“Yeah, yeah. Okay, I’m coming” the messy hair boy replied, and he plodded over to Dan, who was sitting on the couch. He plonked down right next to his best friend, like, right next to him, their hips joined together and their arms touching by that of a hair. The leather couch pillow bobbed up and down with the sudden weight of Phils body, causing Dan to let out a small giggle. Phil glared at him in return, but a smile managed to sneak its way onto his face, too.
“Okay, so do you want to watch ‘Parasite’ or 'Haikyu' ” Dan asked after he had his giggling under control.
“Hmmm, urm, well, maybe, um we could…”
“Come on Phil!” Dan interjected with a cheeky smile “My cereal is no longer cereal, but rather sorry clumps of colourful sugar floating in a moat of milky milk”
“Okay okay, 'Haikyu' then!” Phil stressed, throwing his arms into the air in defeat, almost hitting Dan in the face with his uncoordinated and floppy hand.
“Watch it mate!” Dan teased, shoving his best friend in the side playfully.
As soon as Dans side made contact with Phils, the black haired boys veins flew to life. His heart began pumping harder and faster, and this had happed before, but not quite on this scale. A shiver of excitement dug its way into phils very core, worming its way into his heart, warming him from the inside out. He could feel himself beginning to blush, so he crinkled his nose in a desperate attempt to stop the simple sign of affection. But, alas, his cheeks were on fire and there was nothing he could do to put out the flames. Get it together Phil! He’s straight. You don’t even like him that way! There’s no chance of anything happening anyway, so just forget about it. All right? Phil thought to himself angrily. Unfortunately the frustration that was intentionally directed towards his feelings had shown in his expression, causing Dans brow to furrow in confusion. The older boy quickly recomposed himself, pushing his thoughts to the very back of his mind. He pictured them being locked away in a treasure chest, never to be found nor opened ever again. He hastily flashed a reassuring smile and redirected his attention back to Dan.
“OI!” Phil giggled, attempting to seem intimidating the best he could but failing miserably.
The two friends sat in silence, apart from snickering and low key giggling at the anime they were watching together.
They cleared their dishes and returned to the anime, but Phil couldn’t concentrate on the exultant characters jumping around in his TV screen, because his thoughts had- yet again - wandered back to Dan. He desperately tried to stop that little locked chest in his mind from opening again, thinking of ridiculous animal facts and impossible concepts, but the chests lid fluttered open regardless of Phil’s disagreement. He warily turned his head towards Dan, carful as to make sure the brown haired boy wouldn’t notice his secretive actions. God he is breathtakingly beautiful, isn’t he? Phil rumoured to himself. He cautiously grazed his hand over his own thigh, inching it closer to Dans by the second. Phils pale hand brushed against Dans slightly tanner one, sending an electric shock up his arm, leaving a tingling sensation that he couldn’t help but love. Dan jumped at Phils cool touch, which startled phil, sending him jumping too.
“Oh, I’m so sorry Dan” Phil whispered urgently, but he sounded distant “My hand just slipped and yeah, whoops” He trailed off with a sigh
Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.
“Its fine, Phil” Dan reassured the anxious boy “really, don’t worry about it” but he said it with a tiny smirk that created a tiny earthquake in Phils chest.
When they settled down into their sofa creases, comfortable and calm once again, Dan reached across Phils lap to retrieve the TV remote. But Phil couldn’t help but notice a certain elegance, maybe even seductiveness, in his friends simple movement. Dan held the remote in one hand, the other resting on the couches large arm rest; he pushed off slowly with his free hand, leaving his face only centimetres from Phils. The black haired boy didn’t flinch, didn’t move, Phil had almost stopped breathing altogether. Dans dark brown puppy dog eyes locked with Phils electric blue ones as Dan let out a small breathy sigh. Phil closed his eyes, but when he opened them, Dan was back to watching the anime, only, he had turned the volume down, and the auditory was barely even noticeable.
Phils heart was racing a million miles per hour, his head felt like a swarm of bees had moved in and the butterflies in his stomach were doing the tango. But he felt buzzed, full of energy, Dans touch had sparked something inside of him, something he never wanted to loose. He caught Dan glancing at him every so often, trying to conceal his awkwardness with a crooked smile that only made Phils heart beat harder.
They sat in silence for a few minutes, Dans hand brushing against Phils for too long for it to be just a friendly gesture.
“Look, Phil! There’s a blue butterfly over there” Breaking the silence, Dan pointed to the corner of the room, forcing Phil to turn his head slightly away from Dan.
And that’s when he felt it. Phil could have sworn he felt someone plant a hard kiss on his cheek. He whipped his head around to find only Dan sitting there, entranced in the animes never ending drama. He touched his cheek lightly, not wanting to wipe away the possibility of Dans lips’ touch. Phil then continued to study dans face. He was bighting his lip in a sad attempt to force a growing smile away, a mischievous gleam set in his eyes.
A few more minutes of quiet passed, until Dan got up without a word. Phil felt his heart drop in disbelief. Like a weight had been lowered through his mouth, into his stomach and then had the string cut. He stared blankly at the still inaudible anime, fiddling with his hands for what felt like forever. Awkwardly staring at the darkness of the night that was now enveloping him into an unwelcoming embrace (because, yes, they had eaten cereal for dinner yet again), Phil let out a small sigh. He sat, comprehending the events that had taken place earlier on in the evening, until he felt the tingling sensation on his cheek once again, only this time, the culprit had attacked his left side cheek.
Again, Phil spun his head around, only to discover a not-so-innocent looking Dan standing behind him. With a bite of his lip and a quick glance around the room, Dan quickly stole a single second kiss from Phils lips, then he smiled, turned, and walked away to his room like he had just given Phil a Nintendo game, not a first kiss. Phil was dead still, but his mind was racing What the hell is going on???, his heart was beating so fast he thought it might explode and he was tingling all over, yes, all over. Phil stood up slowly, steadying himself with a helping hand from the fireplace ledge, because his legs where literally jelly, then he slowly started making his way to Dans room.
He stood in Dans doorway, shocked to see him mindlessly scrolling through tumblr, and even more so because the photos he was browsing where unmistakably photos of people kissing, phill was sure of it. Some photos had been taken up close, some from afar, boys kissing girls, boys kissing boys (mostly), up close shots of lip biting, simple pecks of affection and full on tongue incorporated kissed that were full of hunger and yearning. Phil bit his lip, awkwardly shuffling over to sit next to dan on his black bed covers.
“It’s beautiful, in a way, don’t you think, Phil?’ Dan questioned quietly, not making any effort to look at Phil
“I suppose it is, Dan” Phil replied quietly, his words bouncy off of Dans bedroom walls and echoing through the silence
“Do you think… would you, I mean, would you want to do that with someone?” He shuffled in his position nervously
Phil cautiously grabbed for Dans hand, giving it a little squeeze before barely whispering, “I think I would love to do that with someone, Dan”
Dan interlaced his fingers with Phils, returning the squeeze ever so slightly and shuffling a little closer to Phil. Dan turned his head to face his best friend in the eye, phil followed Dans calm movement.
“Do you, do you want to give it a try?” Dan gave Phils hand another squeeze. He sounded bold, brave even, but there was a hint of doubt behind that bravely, and he looked small, maybe even a little scared.
Phil felt his heart beat faster yet again, a blush rose to his cheeks and he wiped his tongue over his lips, not in any sad attempt to be seductive, just out of nerves. He squirmed in his seat ever so slightly, because seeing Dan this small and vulnerable made Phil feel… uneasy, unsafe, it just didn’t feel right. But in another sense it was reassuring, it was refreshing to know that the strong sarcastic Dan Phil knew all too well had a delicate side and holy shit was it cute. The way his dark brown eyes pleaded with longing. The way he was holding onto Phils hand like it was a lifeline, that if he let go, or even loosened his grip, he would simply float away. The way his lips were quivering with nerves, just as Phils were. The way he spoke was fragile, signifying how he was feeling inside.
Phil watched as Dan closed his eyes steadily, Phil followed after him, darkness engulfing the both of them. Phil leaned in, because he presumed Dan would be doing the same. He mentally searched for Dans soft lips, and then there they were. They parted their lips at the same time; Phil slipped his lower lip between dans parted ones, and it screamed of hunger and desire. The younger boy sucked on Phils lower lip, nibbling every so often, phil had wrapped his arms around Dans torso as soon as their lips had touched, pulling his best friend in closer and closer with every move their dancing mouths made. Dan had slowly released Phils hand as the kiss had become more urgent, throwing his hands into Phils dark hair, tugging at it as they moved into a more upbeat rhythm. The kiss become fiercer, and at some point Dans tongue slipped inside Phils breathy mouth with ease, Phil returned the gesture quickly, as if his life depended on it, and in that moment, it did. Phil wanted Dan, Phil wanted him so bad. He pushed the brunette back so he was lying on his back, he felt him smile into the kiss for a second before resuming with an aggressive passion, with an energy that brought them both to life. Phil straddled Dan as the kiss become deeper, only coming up for air when desperately needed. It wasn’t messy or uncoordinated, it was warm, it was filled with longing and desire, and believe it or not, it was romantic as all hell.
They were sweaty and hot and their fringes were sticking to their foreheads, but neither of them cared. They had managed to roll off of Dans bed, and only then did they stop the furious kissing that they both desired so badly. They fell into a fit of laughter and tears when they simultaneously hit the floor with a loud thud, then going back in for another kiss, but this time it was slow and delicate, a steady movement that sent a shiver down both of their spines. Dan could taste the salty water that was falling from his and Phils cheeks, mixing into their saliva like a love potion that only made the kiss that much more tender. They parted away from the kiss smiling like idiots. They looked each other in the eyes and they both broke out into a fit of giggles. Because they had both just kissed their best friend, but it had felt so right.
They clambered back up onto Dans bed spread and laid down together. Dan wrapped Phil up in a warm loving embrace, while simultaneously planting small kisses over Phils exposed neck.
“Was that weird for you?” Dan whispered into Phils ear, stopping the kisses for only a split second to whisper his question
Phil tilted his head around so he could see dans soft brown eyes, with a gentle smile he whispered back, “If that was weird, then I want every single day of my life to be filled with that sort of weird”
They stayed like that for a long while, talking about Pokémon and nonsense that really didn’t have any place in this universe.
After many minutes of blissful silence Dan whispered barely audibly, “Goodnight, Phil, I love you” The words slipped out of Dans mouth before he could stop them. He cringed and stiffened his body, expecting Phil to leave. He felt a rush of disappointment and anxiousness flood over him like a title wave.
But to Dans surprise, older boy just moved back ever so slightly, pressing his back towards Dans stomach, desperate to extinguish any space left between them.
“Goodnight, Bear, I love you too”