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The Deaths of Ametrine Gauvreau

Chapter Text

Written Journal Entry

8th of Roses, 743 AB - Winter

helo my name is




im 8 yers old and im from ROENTAP ROWENTOP

and my berthday is 5 of roses in winter.

my mamas name is MELITA and my papas name is TUN TONNE.

i hav 2 baby sisters named ABIGAIL and ALLISON and ther twins.

i help my mama with sowing and washing and other chors at hom.

the nise nayber lade lady Jaynelle is teeching me to reed and rite.

and she gave me this jurnal for my berthday and told me to rite in it.

Jaynelle ses this is for riting down my thots and abowt about big things that

hapen in my life so i can reed about them agen later wen im older.

mama ses its a gud good thing for me to lern leters.

i howp hope i get beter at them fast.



Written Journal Entry

13th of Daisies, 744 AB - Spring

        Papa got in a big argument with a magest magistrate last night. I don't really understand what happened but Mama and Papa seem really upset and worried. So does Jaynelle and the other neyb neighbors. They told me and Abby and Ally to pack all of our belongings in bags because we're going to leave. I do not know where we are going or when we will be back. I am really worried.



Written Journal Entry

21st of Tulips, 744 AB - Autumn

        We have been traveling for 5 months now. I still do not understand why, but I guess whatever happened was so bad that we're not going back. Papa gets upset whenever anyone tries to ask where we're going. No one is very happy. But at least we are not alone. Jaynelle and her family came with us. They are very nice, and Jaynelle is still helping me with my reading and writing. I am getting a lot better at spelling things. She brought books with her so I have a lot to read, there are stories about the gods and about heroes and also some boring books about numbers. Papa thinks Jaynelle's teaching me is silly but Mama tells him to shush.

        Our other neighbor Pearle came with us with his family, and a lady named Kalli and her family. I guess Kalli is Jaynelle's friend, someone else who worked at the marketplace. Pearle has a dog named Ollie and he is really friendly. We only have one wagon and one mule with us so we take turns riding but there is a lot of walking. It's autumn right now and the weather is very wet and everything is muddy. I hope this ends soon.



Written Journal Entry

5th of Roses, 744 AB - Winter

        Today is my 9th birthday! Jaynelle gave me some candy she has been hiding with her. But the even bigger gift is that we can finally stop walking! There is no town here, but Papa and Pearle say we are going to build our own village. This sounds defic difficult but I trust them. Papa said he is naming the new village Prenton after his papa Prent. The men have started cutting trees for houses and the women are gathering fresh food. I am helping Mama with the food. Jaynelle says we need to take a break from studying to work hard on our new village but I am fine with that if it means we will have houses and roofs again soon!



Written Journal Entry

3rd of Lilies, 745 AB - Spring

        Building is going well, we have two houses and a barn and are plowing out a field to plant food. One house is ours and the other is Pearle's. We are building a third house for Jaynelle's family, they are staying in our house until it is done. A little ways south through the forest there is a river and that's where Kalli's family built their house, and they are building a dock there for fishing and travel.

        Last night we had a big bonfire to celebrate finishing the barn! Shal played the lute and everyone had a lot of fun dancing and singing. But there was no feast as we do not have a lot of food right now. I'm hungry but we have to be careful with how quickly we eat. Mama says it will be better in the autumn after we harvest our first crop.



Written Journal Entry

5th of Sunflowers, 745 AB - Summer

        Papa and Pearle got in a fight. Our crop isn't growing. Mama says we should have seen sprouts by now, and something must have gone wrong with our seeds. Pearle says it is because we offended Pramma, the god of the harvest, and blames Papa. I think it has something to do with why we left Rowentop but I am not sure, I still don't understand that. But Papa says we need to tighten our belts and work hard to get enough food from the forest and river to make it through the winter.



Written Journal Entry

2nd of Roses, 745 AB - Winter

        Jaynelle has passed away. It has been snowing really hard this winter and it was too heavy and the roof of their house couldn't hold it. It crashed down at night while they were asleep. She and her husband Kartell and her daughter Sasha and her son Sim are all gone. Pearle says they have been taken away by Hazydae to be judged. All of them were very kind so I am sure they will be taken into Heaven, but I miss Jaynelle a lot. I don't know if anyone else will help me learn now but I will study really hard and take good care of her books, even the numbers ones. It was really important to her that us children are well educated, more than for any of the other adults, so it is important to me. Journal writing too.

        Papa is working hard to make sure all the other house roofs are stronger so this won't happen again.

        It is hard to write because I am crying. Mama is crying a lot too. The village feels colder without them.



Written Journal Entry

5th of Roses, 745 AB - Winter

        I am ten years old today.

        What an awful birthday.



Written Journal Entry

20th of Sunflowers, 746 AB - Summer

        We failed to raise a crop again this year. Food is getting shorter and we are all very hungry. Pearle's dog Ollie went missing last week, Pearle said he ran into the forest and didn't come back. But he and his family seem less tired this week, so I am not so sure. Pearle must think I'm not very smart.

        But there is happier news for Prenton, the first child has been born! Kalli and her husband Shal had a baby girl, they named her Zetti. She's very cute but she cries a lot.

        Mama says we have no hope of farming normal seed crops, so we have started to prune and tailor the forest north of the village to encourage more food growth. The men have started building a camp to the north for that purpose, a short ways into the forest. They say when it's done it's going to have a watch tower that can see across the whole valley.



Written Journal Entry

22nd of Roses, 746 AB - Winter

        Zetti did not make it through the winter.



Written Journal Entry

6th of Asters, 747 AB - Winter

        Kalli's son Larryl and Pearle's daughter Lyne did not make it through the winter either.

        Kalli won't stop crying.

        We are starving. This was all a mistake. Prenton is doomed.



Written Journal Entry

12th of Marigolds, 747 AB - Spring

        I fear I may make things worse by saying this but maybe we are not doomed after all. This spring has been good to us and the forest is blooming, our management of it is paying off. Kalli's husband says the river has been fruitful too. Today is the first day in a long time that I am not hungrier than yesterday.

        Pearle and Papa started building a town lodge where everyone can gather and eat together indoors more comfortably, and a workshop for repairing our tools. I still miss the people we have lost, but things are looking brighter now!



Written Journal Entry

29th of Dahlias, 748 AB - Spring

        A second child has been born in Prenton! Pearle and his wife Ayle had a baby boy. They named him Myrone, I think that's a nice name. I think Myrone will make it, as we are not starving anymore this year. I am spending a lot of time now with Mama in the forest, learning about pruning the trees and gathering food and figuring out what is safe to eat. It is hard but a lot of fun, but I am also not spending as much time reading or writing lately and I feel bad for that. I wish Jaynelle were still here.



Written Journal Entry

5th of Roses, 748 AB - Winter

        Today is my thirteenth birthday! That means it has also been four years since we founded Prenton. The first couple years were really hard but everyone is more optimistic now. Pearle finished the workshop and has been hard at work trying to make new tools, but I do not think he is very good at it. Mama helped me talk Kalli into helping me learn in Jaynelle's place, since I'm still finding the maths books difficult. She is a lot less talkative, but still nice, and really smart too. It feels good to be doing this again! We are using the town lodge as a school house because it is quieter than studying at home in the evening.



Written Journal Entry

3rd of Azaleas, 749 AB - Summer

        Today is the summer solstice. We are going to have a celebration and feast later tonight! At midday Papa finally let me climb to the top of the watch tower in the forest, and it was scary and dizzying at first but the view is amazing! I can see Kalli's house and the river to the south from there. I can also see the lake past the forest to the north. The wind up there smells nice and feels good blowing through my hair.



Written Journal Entry

7th of Sunflowers, 750 AB - Summer

        I got in big trouble but I don't care, I'm so mad! Abby went to get her shears to work in the forest and when she opened the door to the tool shed a bucket of rotten muck fell off the top and dumped all over her! She ran crying to me, and Pearle's son Stacio was chasing her, laughing at her. That little monster is always playing pranks on people. I yelled at him for it but he just stuck his tongue out at me and said "what are you gonna do about it?" So I cracked him in the face with a tree branch and now he's missing three teeth. Pearle is mad but I refuse to apologize. YOU DON'T MESS WITH MY LITTLE SISTERS! Thankfully Mama is on my side here. She says I should not turn to violence, but I can tell she's secretly a little bit proud of me for it.



Written Journal Entry

5th of Roses, 750 AB - Winter

        Today is my fifteenth birthday, and the sixth anniversary of the founding of Prenton. We're having a big celebration tonight! But actually that's for finishing building a new storage barn.

        I think Shal is trying to set me up with their son Nathon lately but I am not even slightly interested in that boy. Or boys in general, I think.



Written Journal Entry

5th of Roses, 751 AB - Winter

        Today is my sixteenth birthday! I've now finished studying with Kalli, she says she has helped me as much as she can. I'm doing much better with maths now. Papa seems to still think it's silly for someone whose job is picking berries and mushrooms in the forest to know geometry, but it's important to me. I think Jaynelle would be so proud if she could see me now. Speaking of jobs however, now that we are much more secure in food and I'm an adult, I have been helping more with general labor around the village, cutting lumber and firewood. Shal has been teaching me to fish. Pearle won't let me help with the blacksmithing because he doesn't like me. But that's fine, I don't like him either.



Written Journal Entry

29th of Marigolds, 752 AB - Spring

        I AM A SCHOOL TEACHER NOW! I'm still helping in the forest during the day but in the evenings I have started teaching Nathon and Stacio and Kalli's daugher Tenise reading and writing and maths. Pearle was against the whole thing but he's a right prick so I don't care, Mama and Kalli talked everyone else into being for it, even Papa. There's no good reason for them to NOT be educated. I know Nelle would agree with me. Kalli helps with with the task for a few days each week. We are using the lodge as a school house still.

        Stacio has calmed down and is finally acting more mature, so I am willing to put up with teaching him. I am not sure if me taking him down a notch is what did that or if he just outgrew that behavior.



Written Journal Entry

1st of Orchids, 753 AB - Autumn

        Sorry I have not been writing in you as much lately, Journal! I am extremely busy working as both a forest keeper and a school teacher, and now I have FIVE students as the twins are studying now too! I am so proud of them. Pearle has softened up about the whole schooling thing lately, I'm thankful for that. He has lightened up in general I feel. He and Ayle had another child last month, a boy named Evante. That might have something to do with it, perhaps.



Written Journal Entry

4th of Daisies, 754 AB - Spring

        Teaching is going great! Kalli has handed off the task to me completely and I'm handling the students all on my own now. Papa built an extension off the side of the lodge so that I can live there full time, as that makes it easier to work. It's like I have my own house now!

        I have been feeling under the weather since the autumn, with a terrible cough. Some days are worse than others but fortunately it's not getting in the way of my work.



Written Journal Entry

9th of Sunflowers, 755 AB - Summer

        Stacio, Nathon, and Tenise have all completed their schooling! I'm so proud. Kalli is so proud. Jaynelle would be proud too. The twins are still doing well, Ally is really good at maths in particular. And I finally have more time to myself and can take things a bit easier. That cough never went away, so perhaps I have been working too hard. Giving my body more time to rest will be helpful I hope.

        Kalli thinks there might be something else wrong, but I'm trying to not worry about it too much because there's nothing I could do about it anyway.



Written Journal Entry

2nd of Orchids, 755 AB - Autumn

        The twins are at that age where they are starting to take an interest in boys. Allison seems to have taken a liking to Nathon. That's fine, and it seems to make Shal happy. Abigail on the other hand has been spending a lot of time with Stacio, which frankly I find disgusting considering how he treated her when they were children. I suppose there is no accounting for taste. I just hope this doesn't get in the way of their studies.

        Honestly I find it disconcerting that this never happened for me. I wonder if there's something wrong with me, that way.



Written Journal Entry

5th of Roses, 755 AB - Winter

        Today is my twentieth birthday, and the eleventh anniversary of the village.

        Mama and Papa had a child! This morning Mama gave birth to a daughter. In spite of people mocking her for giving all of her children names beginning with A, we have named her Ashe. I have a new baby sister, and we have the same birthday! It's a bit weird to have a newborn baby sibling as a fully grown adult, but we are blessed to have her nonetheless.

        The cough is still bothering me, but it doesn't seem as bad now that I have been resting more. Perhaps I am getting better.

        I am concerned about Kalli. She has become a good friend over these last years, much more talkative now than when she first started teaching me. But I can tell lately that something is wrong. Her mind seems to be slowing down, and her memory slipping. I have started praying every night to Aelysia, the goddess of memories, on her behalf, and on mine. My memories and the things I have learned are precious to me, and I think I fear nothing more than losing myself in that way.

        Aelysia, please never let me forget.



Written Journal Entry

1st of Daisies, 756 AB - Spring

        Abby and Ally have completed their schoolwork. I am so proud of them! The lodge feels cold and empty in the evenings now that I have no students, and I have gone back to working the forest full-time with my mother. I am unsure whether I will still be in condition to teach once the next generation reaches schooling age, but I am not worried as I think in that case Allison will take up the mantle, and she will make for a fine teacher.

        Abby and Stacio have married and they are building themselves a house where Jaynelle's once stood. Probably silly superstition, but I find it vaguely discomforting. Like a bad omen. As though that spot is bad luck. But it would be silly to leave it as an empty field as the village expands, so I don't protest.



Written Journal Entry

8th of Orchids, 756 AB - Fall

        Stacio finished the new house. Papa has been obsessively making sure it is more structurally sound than Nelle's was. I'm glad for that.

        Ally and Nathon have had their first child, a boy whom they have named Omaria. I suppose that makes me an aunt now! Abby is also pregnant with her first.

        This has me thinking again about my own disinterest in courting or motherhood. Fortunately Mama and Papa don't seem bothered by it, as the twins are providing them with grandchildren to dote on now instead.



Written Journal Entry

5th of Roses, 756 AB - Winter

        Today is my twenty-first birthday, and Ashe's first.

        I thought I had gotten better, but the cough has returned worse than before.

        At least Kalli's mind seems to have stopped deteriorating any further. Perhaps my prayers to Aelysia are working. Perhaps I should start praying to a different god for the sake of my throat and lungs.



Written Journal Entry

4th of Daisies, 757 AB - Spring

        My kind and smart and wonderful mother, Melita Amber Gauvreau, passed away this morning at the age of thirty-six. It happened very suddenly. She only started showing symptoms of illness yesterday morning. My father thinks it was the result of food poisoning. We will be holding a funeral for her tomorrow.

        Papa seems detached and is keeping his head up, but I can see his pain inside. The twins are taking it hard. Ashe will not grow to know her mother, and for that I feel great sorrow.

        Writing while crying has not gotten any easier.

        I am exhausted.



Written Journal Entry

19th of Dahlias, 757 AB - Autumn

        I suppose it is the inevitable cycle of life and death. Despite an unsteady start with great loss, including my dearest mentor, and now just as I have lost my mother, the village is nonetheless thriving. Four new children were born this year. Ally and Nathon have named their second son Ezra. Abby and Stacio have named their first daughter Beth. I am very happy for all of them, and hope these children grow up strong and health. And that they will receive good educations, as we did. I am confident they will, under Ally's watch.

        The cough continues to get worse, and I have become too weak to work most days. The twins take turns checking on me and caring for me as necessary. Ally urges me to stop going to the forest altogether but I refuse. As content as I am in the world of written text and candlelight, I will go stark raving mad if I do not get outside. I must keep my body active and get fresh air if I want to last any longer, and I do. I want to see Ashe grow up for as long as I can. But there is no longer any doubt in my mind that Hazydae is coming for me soon.

        Perhaps I can see Jaynelle and my mother again. That would be nice.



Written Journal Entry

5th of Roses, 758 AB - Winter

        Today is my twenty-third birthday, Ashe's third, and Prenton's fourteenth.

        I am too weak to leave the house anymore. I can barely speak three words without running out of breath. In fact it is difficult to even hold this quill. I think it is just a matter of weeks now, if not days. I feel bad for the twins having to care for me and having to see me like this. I tell them to go enjoy their own lives as much as they can, but I appreciate their kindness.

        And in spite of my present state, I am in good spirits! Hazydae is finally catching up with me, but I kept the bastard running behind for a good long while, haha! No one expected me to make it this long, not even death himself. I am so happy to see Ashe grow up healthy, and I am blessed to have stuck around long enough to watch. She is going to be a smart one I think, just like Ally.

        Papa is obviously sad to be losing a child, having to watch me waste away from this damnable cough, powerless to do anything about it. But I think he's taking it better than he could be, because he can see what a good mood I'm in.

        Pearle is getting too tired to work as well, but Nathon and Stacio are helping Shal build a trading dock on the river, as we've had river merchants show up from time to time the last couple years. We finally have viable seeds, and I got to see Prenton pull up its first harvest of cabbage this year. I believe they are going to build more housing off to the west and to try to get more people to migrate here permanently. In hindsight it feels silly to call Prenton a village given that there were only four families to start with, three after the first winter, but perhaps it is on its way to becoming one properly. That would be nice, a good accomplishment. Something Papa and Pearle can be proud of, that this wasn't a fool's errand after all. I only hope that as the village expands, that they don't impede on my dear forest.

        That is enough, too much writing. Too tired. Probably my last journal entry if we are being honest.

        Grow up well, Ashe.




Recorded Audio File
[Text Transcript]

2nd of July, 2159 CE
Monday - 08:43 PST

[beginning of audio file]

[low audible crying of a girl]

        I'm not crazy.

        I'm not crazy.

        I'm not crazy.

        I'm not crazy.

        I'm not crazy.

        I'm not crazy.

        I'm not crazy.

        I'm not cr-

[sound of metal door sliding open, followed by indistinct mechanical noises]

         NO! GET AWAY FROM ME!

[end of audio file]