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BAU GROUPCHAT

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11:27

Pennelope Garcia created a groupchat.

 

Penelope Garcia added Spencer Reid, Aaron Hotchner, Jennifer Jareau, Emily Prentiss, Derek Morgan, and David Rossi to the groupchat.

 

Penelope Garcia changed Penelope Garcia’s name to Babygirl

 

Babygirl: Welcome everyone, to the first BAU GROUPCHAT!!!

 

Aaron Hotchner: Is this allowed?

 

Babygirl: Reid said it wasn’t prohibited anywhere in the FBI rulebook. I’m gonna take his word as gospel.

 

Emily Prentiss: yeah hotch stop trying to be a buzzkill

 

Babygirl changed Aaron Hotchner’s name to Buzzkill

 

Buzzkill: How do I change my name back?

 

Emily Prentiss: fucking boomer

 

Buzzkill: I’m Gen X.

 

Derek Morgan: honorary boomer

 

Babygirl changed Derek Morgan’s name to Chocolate Thunder

 

Jennifer Jareau changed Jennifer Jareau’s name to JJ

 

Emily Prentiss changed Emily Prentiss’s name to Haha gay

 

David Rossi: It’s Saturday why is my phone buzzing nonstop

 

David Rossi: oh

 

David Rossi: as one of my unruly FBI children might say; fuck this shit im out

 

David Rossi has left BAU GROUPCHAT

 

Babygirl has added David Rossi to BAU GROUPCHAT

 

Babygirl: you aren’t escaping us that easily, papa pasta

 

Babygirl changed David Rossi’s name to PapaPasta

 

PapaPasta: merda

 

 

```

12:32

Babygirl: wait wheres reid?

 

Babygirl: hes the only one who hasn’t said anything.

 

Babygirl: @Spencer Reid

 

Haha gay: @Spencer Reid

 

Chocolate Thunder: @Spencer Reid

 

Spencer Reid: Nope

 

Haha gay: oop—

 

Babygirl: @Spencer Reid you can’t ignore us, 187.

 

Buzzkill: Reid what are you doing?

 

Spencer Reid: reading.

 

Haha gay changed Spencer Reid’s name to Punk Ass Bitch Bo

 

Punk Ass Bitch Bo: Bo?

 

Haha gay: BOY DIDN’T FIT OKAY?!?!?

 

Punk Ass Bitch Bo: Mom, Dad, Emily is bullying me

 

Buzzkill: Emily stop.

 

PapaPasta: Emily stop

 

Babygirl: Who’s the mom?

 

Chocolate Thunder: more importantly, whos the dad?

 

Haha gay: more like daddy ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

PapaPasta: I resent that remark

 

JJ: found the dad

 

PapaPasta: fuck

 

```

 

8:46 am

 

Punk Ass Bitch Bo: due to personal reasons I will now be passing away

 

Haha gay: what the fuck did you do now?

 

Punk Ass Bitch Bo: nope

 

Babygirl: you’ve gotta tell us now

 

Punk Ass Bitch Bo: permission denied

 

Chocolate Thunder: plz pretty boy?

 

Punk Ass Bitch Bo: you have been stopped.

 

Babygirl: wait is he quoting vine?

 

Buzzkill: It wasn’t that bad, Reid, and you aren’t allowed to die, you haven’t submitted a two week notice.

 

Haha gay: oop—

 

JJ: wait, hotch knows. Spill

 

Punk Ass Bitch Bo: don’t you fuckign dare

 

Chocolate Thunder: fuckign

 

Babygirl: fuckign

 

PapaPasta: fuckign

 

Punk Ass Bitch Bo: Garcia how do I type in all caps?

 

Babygirl: double tap shift

 

Punk Ass Bitch Bo: thank you

 

Punk Ass Bitch Bo: EVEN YOU ROSSI???

 

Buzzkill: He lost his phone, and was looking for it.

 

Punk Ass Bitch Bo: hotch no

 

Buzzkill: So I offered to call it

 

Punk Ass Bitch Bo: why must you betray me

 

Buzzkill: and when I did, his ringtone was customized so that when I call him, it plays that one song from Vine.

 

Babygirl: Oh my god was it the you are my dad one?

 

Buzzkill: Yes.

 

Babygirl: that’s wholesome

 

Punk Ass Bitch Bo: fuck

 

Haha gay: REID YOU CANT SAY THE FUCK WORD

 

Babygirl changed Buzzkill’s name to BOOGIEWOOGIEWOOGIE

 

BOOGIEWOOGIEWOOGIE: I’m shocked to say I preferred buzzkill.

 

Punk Ass Bitch Bo: are you saying you dislike being my father figure

 

BOOGIEWOOGIEWOOGIE: Reid no

 

Punk Ass Bitch Bo: (◕ヘ◕) betrayal fuckin sucks

 

Chocolate Thunder: pretty boy how did you make the emoji?

 

Punk Ass Bitch Bo: Sorrow is the best motivator for innovation.

 

PapaPasta: wait, if Reid has a customized ring tone for Hotch, does he have them for anybody else?

 

Punk Ass Bitch Bo: ROSSI NO

 

Chocolate Thunder: WHY DID I JUST HEAR LASAGNA BY WEIRD AL PLAY FAINTLY IN THE BACKGROUNS

 

Punk Ass Bitch Bo: I hate all of you

 

BOOGIEWOOGIEWOOGIE: we love you too, Reid.

 

Punk Ass Bitch Bo: (*゚∀゚*)

 

Babygirl changed PapaPasta’s name to LALALALALASAGNA

 

LALALALALASAGNA: I hate it here.

 

```

3:24 pm

 

Haha gay: we never did figure out what all of our ringtones are on Reid’s phone…

 

Punk Ass Bitch Bo: I grow tired of your constant antics. I’ll mute my phone.

 

Babygirl: I’ll just hack it back on.

 

Punk Ass Bitch Bo: You can’t even do that

 

Babygirl: feel lucky?

 

Punk Ass Bitch Bo: .

 

Punk Ass Bitch Bo: no

 

Babygirl: good.

 

Haha gay: ight ima call him

 

Punk Ass Bitch Bo: no don

 

Haha gay: given the music now blasting through the bullpen, I’d say my ringtone is Megalovania

 

Babygirl: from fuckin undertale

 

Haha gay: no from Stardew Valley YES FROM UNDERTALE

 

Punk Ass Bitch Bo: please stop people are still staring at me. I can cry on command, and Hotch will be mad at you.

 

BOOGIEWOOGIEWOOGIE: Nah, this is kinda funny

 

Punk Ass Bitch Bo: FATHER WHY DO YOU FORSAKE ME IN SUCH A MANNER???

 

BOOGIEWOOGIEWOOGIE: lmao

 

LALALALALASAGNA: sucks to suck

 

Chocolate Thunder: What the actual fuck?

 

JJ: I’ll use my mom powers.

 

JJ: stop bullying Spencer or I’ll be disappointed in you.

 

Babygirl: welp.

 

Haha gay: hahaha mom powers don’t apply if I want to date you

 

JJ: what

 

Haha gay: what

 

Babygirl changed Haha gay’s name to LMFAO GAY

 

LMFAO GAY: Dad they’re bullying me

 

BOOGIEWOOGIEWOOGIE: karma, alcoholic daughter

 

LALALALALASAGNA: sucks to suck

 

Chocolate Thunder: Did we break Rossi, is that all he can say???

 

Punk Ass Bitch Bo: more importantly, can we at least wait until we’re not at work to continue this bullshit.

 

LMFAO GAY: SPENCER MARIA REID YOU CANNOT USE THE BULLSHIT WORD EITHER

 

Punk Ass Bitch Bo: my middle name isn’t Maria?

 

Babygirl: It is now, Maria.

 

LALALALALASAGNA: sucks to suck

 

Chocolate Thunder: GOD FUCKING DAMNIT ROSSI

 

```

 

6:17

 

Babygirl: alright we’re not at work ima call Reid.

 

Chocolate Thunder: how are you gonna hear it?

 

Babygirl: im stalking him lol

 

Babygirl: OMG IM THE NYAN CAT THEME

 

Babygirl: SPENCER I LOVE YOU

 

Punk Ass Bitch Bo: I love you too.

 

Babygirl changed Punk Ass Bitch Bo’s name to Boy Wonder

 

Babygirl: no more bitch boy

 

LMFAO GAY: *bitch bo

 

JJ: don’t worry Spence, I won’t call you. Im sure whatever your ringtone is for me is nice.

 

Chocolate Thunder: that’s so sweet

 

Chocolate Thunder: can’t relate

 

Chocolate Thunder: Ima call reid you better tell me what song I am.

 

Babygirl: your ringtone is a fucking rickroll I wish I was joking

 

Chocolate Thunder: a rickroll? Really, pretty boy?

 

Boy Wonder: whats a rickroll? Is that what you call the song?

 

LALALALALASAGNA: heres an explanation of a rickroll. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ&ab_channel=OfficialRickAstleyOfficialRickAstley

 

Boy Wonder: thanks rossi

 

Boy Wonder: that’s just the song???

 

BOOGIEWOOGIEWOOGIE: Don’t do that Dave, he wanted an explanation.

 

LALALALALASAGNA: Sorry wife #4.

 

BOOGIEWOOGIEWOOGIE: Heres an actual explanation. Hope this is helpful. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ&ab_channel=OfficialRickAstleyOfficialRickAstley

 

Boy Wonder: Thanks, Hotch. This is why you’re the favored surrogate father.

 

Boy Wonder has left BAU GROUPCHAT

 

Babygirl: OOP—

 

Babygirl has added Boy Wonder to BAU GROUPCHAT

 

Boy Wonder: ₍₍ ᕕ(´◓⌓◔)ᕗ⁾⁾ let me leave

 

Boy Wonder has left BAU GROUPCHAT

 

Babygirl has added Boy Wonder to BAU GROUPCHAT

 

LMFAO GAY: you cant escape our overlord, bitch boy

 

Babygirl: ( ━☞´◔‿ゝ◔`)━☞ what the lesbian said

 

Boy Wonder: Will someone actually explain it to me?

 

LMFAO GAY: here, a good explanation. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ&ab_channel=OfficialRickAstleyOfficialRickAstley

 

Boy Wonder: I’ve memorized the link. Nice try.

 

JJ: here spence. Im sorry everyone is bullying you https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ub82Xb1C8os

 

Boy Wonder: Thank you JJ. I can always trust you.

 

Boy Wonder has left BAU GROUPCHAT

 

JJ: RULE NUMBER ONE NEVER TRUST ANYBODY