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If I could have just a taste of you

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Jensen pulls his truck into the parking lot, kills the engine and looks up at the window of the apartment he and Jared have shared for almost three years. He'd taken longer than necessary doing the grocery shopping, taken the longest route home all in an attempt to put off the inevitable. He knows it won't solve the problem, he knows that his and Jared's relationship is on the out and that neither of them has the strength to say the words to end it.

They love each other, of that there is no doubt. Jensen loves Jared with his whole being and knowing that Jared feels the same and it's still not working is what's killing them. For almost a year now they've been living more like roommates than lovers. They share a bed but haven't done more than spoon in their sleep for months, the act itself more out of habit than intimacy. Jensen sighs at his own cowardice yet again and steadies himself for another probable argument. Perhaps he'll get lucky, perhaps Jared will be at the gym, his second home nowadays.

He finds the door unlocked, meaning Jared's home. At one time he would've dumped the bags and gone to find Jared and kiss him senseless, now he sets to work putting away ingredients for meals that they will either argue about, or eat separately like they have the last few weeks.

He's putting away a pack of Twizzlers when he hears a sharp intake of breath and a long groan. He heads towards the living room and hears a strangled moan, then harsh panting. Fucking typical, Jared's watching porn while Jensen runs errands. Blood starts pumping in his ears at the hypocrisy of it - Jared’s been complaining about them not having sex, yet every time Jensen even tries to kiss him, Jared pulls away saying he's not in the mood. Give him some alone time, though, and he’s obviously in the mood for watching porn. What a tool! Jensen reaches for the door which is stood ajar, ready to confront his so called lover when he hears it.

"God, yes, just like that...mmm, yeah, fuck me...harder, do it harder."

There's no mistaking Jared's voice, he's close to coming, Jensen can tell. He pushes the door open expecting to find Jared on the sofa, his hand around his cock, pumping it faster as he gets closer and closer. Instead he's faced with the sight of Jared bent over the sofa being fucked with brutal thrusts by a guy Jensen doesn't recognise. Jared is clinging onto the back of the sofa to stay upright, screwing his eyes up momentarily before his face goes slack as he shoots his load all over the cushions.

Jensen’s not sure exactly what sound comes out of his mouth but it’s enough to have Jared’s head snap up and look right at him. Mystery guy hasn’t heard him though, too busy chasing his own pleasure. He makes a protesting noise as Jared lurches forward, away from the cock just buried in him. Finally mystery guy looks up. following Jared’s eyeline.

“Jensen,” Jared whispers in shock.

Jensen’s heart feels like it’s trying to escape from his chest and he and feels light headed and sick all at the same time. He hears the sound of plastic creaking and glances down to see that he has a death grip on the door handle. He distantly feels a wet warmth run down the other hand but he can’t bring himself to move to see what it is.

He watches as Jared scrambles to pull his jeans back up and suddenly Jensen’s furious - neither man is undressed, he notices now, they just have their jeans down enough to fuck. The only word that comes to mind is the one he says around a lump in his throat, “Why?”

“I’m so sorry Jensen, I can explain!" Jared stammers.

“Explain?” he says with exasperation, "Explain? I think I can judge for myself exactly what was going on. What’s there to explain?” He turns and heads for the front door, almost forgetting to pick his keys up until the last minute. This gives Jared a chance to catch him up and Jensen feels the weight of Jared’s hand on his shoulder. He pulls away like he’s been burned, “Don’t you dare touch me, you fucking bastard!" he snarls.

Tears are running down Jared’s face now, “Jensen, please, don’t go, let’s talk about this,” he sobs.

“You think tears are going to change the fact that you just fucked someone else in our home?” Jared opens his mouth to speak again but Jensen cuts him off, “Don’t, just don’t say one more fucking word.” He pulls open the front door and Jared - of course - can’t keep his mouth shut, babbling words Jensen doesn’t listen to. He whips round and punches Jared square in the jaw, knocking him firmly on his ass. He slams the door on his way out and doesn’t look back.

 

§

He races out of the parking lot, sure the truck left tire tracks behind. He doesn’t look in the mirror, he doesn’t care about anything but getting away from there. He drives too fast, his mind filled with the images he’s just seen. He’s beyond hurt that Jared would cheat on him, and he’s still furious. He needs to go somewhere he can calm down and think. There’s only one place he can think of where he knows Jared won’t find him. There’s a bar across town called Ford’s that he used to go to with Chris after work. It’s months since he was there last, not because the place is bad, quite the opposite in fact. It’s normally a busy place but not overly crowded, has a good choice of cold beers on tap, a couple of pool tables and one other thing that holds an endless appeal for Jensen. That appeal is why he’s not been back there in so long because the guilt of it rests heavy in his stomach.

Jensen enters the bar and takes in the smell of old wood, stale beer, fresh coffee and greasy food. He’s missed that smell. There are a few familiar faces deep in conversation at one end of the bar, a trio sat in a booth eating burgers, but other than that the place is empty. Jensen looks at his watch and see’s that it’s a little past 3pm, which explains it, he thinks. He takes a seat at the other end of the bar, he’s here to drink, not to talk. The bartender, Carol he thinks, smiles wide as she approaches.

“Heeyy, stranger, where ya been hiding?” she asks as she pours him a mug of his favourite beer.

“Oh you know, been busy,” Jensen replies, vaguely, mustering as much of a smile as he can right now.

“Are you meeting Chris?”

“Not today, sweetheart, no. Can I get a couple of bourbon chasers with that?”

She smiles a concerned smile but has the good grace not to pry, “Sure you can, honey,” She’s filled one glass and is half way through the second when there’s a thumping sound from behind the bar - the stairs to the apartment upstairs, Jensen realises - and she turns, a softer smile on her face when she the source of the noise comes through the door, “You remember my son, Colin, right Jensen?”

Oh fuck! Jensen quickly picks up the full shot glass and downs the contents before flicking his eyes over to Colin, AKA the reason Jensen made himself stop coming to the bar. The kid has shot up by a good few inches and his shoulders are broader now. He’s wearing a t-shirt that’s getting just a little too small for him, showing that his arms and chest are also maturing. His jeans hang low on slim hips, showing just a hint of the waistband of his underwear where the shirt has ridden up as Colin reaches for a glass from the shelf above the bar. He’s smiling brightly at Jensen, the kind of smile you usually see on a kid’s face when they open Christmas gifts, and Jensen’s stomach burns in a way that has nothing to do with the whiskey he’s just swallowed.

“Hi Jensen, long time no see,” Colin says, and leans over the bar, resting his weight on his forearms. He’s almost within touching distance and Jensen’s pulse starts racing without permission at the thought that he could casually move his hand a few inches to the right and feel the heat coming from Colin’s skin, “you look good!” the teen says with a wink. He licks his lower lip and gently bites it as his eyes flick over Jensen’s face and chest.

Jensen realises after a moment that he’s said nothing, and has probably been staring, “Uh, hey Colin. You look..." fucking hot, says a voice in his head, “...well.”

“Don’t make a nuisance of yourself,” Carol says, patting Colin on the back before going to serve another customer.

“Yes, Mom,” Colin calls after her. He turns back to Jensen, smirks and nods over to the pool tables, “so...do you wanna play with me, Jensen?”

Jensen is so taken aback by the question and the sultry tone that he chokes on his beer. Colin doesn’t wait for an answer, he just walks slowly over to one of the tables and leans against it, waiting and looking at Jensen with hopeful eyes.

Despite the events of not even an hour ago, despite how angry and hurt he feels over what Jared did, he looks over at Colin, the star of the majority of his own jerk off fantasies for months now, and thinks, fuck, yes!.