Chapter Text
“jackie i need your help” Swomp says suddenly, waving her over when Jackie first arrives at work for the day.
“What, you want me to fill my pockets with slime again? I told you that that stuff stains.”
“no. well i mean yes it does stain but no thats not what im going to ask”
“What is it, then?”
“i need your help to pull off a heist.”
Interest floods her expression. An eyebrow quirks up.
“Heist?”
“yes. like from paddington 2.”
“Great movie. What are we stealing?”
Swomp rummages in his pockets for his phone, whipping it out to show Jackie.
“This is a blurry photo of Pikmin 1.”
“i took it before the shopkeep kicked me out for loitering. he called me a stupid nocoiner. :(”
“I could just order you a copy online. Tappi let me into her family plan.”
Swomp shakes his head. “i need that copy specifically. the fact it’s such a good game being held captive by that cryptocurrency loser is symbolic of the problems plaguing the modern gaming market.”
Jackie sighs. “Alright, but what do you need me for? You seem pretty good at stealing stuff alone most of the time.”
“general distractions. hes probably going to be looking out for me. you can only steal things from a guy so many hundreds of times before he starts to get a little suspicious.”
“I’ll do it. What’s the plan?”
“youll see. ;)”
~~~
Jackie swaggers into the room, a perfect disguise of confidence to mask the fact that she has no clue what she’s doing.
“Hello, fine gentleman, would you like to debate the merits of cryptocurrency versus the--”
“....You’re not trying to distract me so you can steal Pikmin 1, right?”
Sweat beads on her neck. “...No.”
“Alright good…… Some clown was in here earlier with the same schtick… Psh…….”
Behind him, Jackie can see Swomp tiptoeing around the countertop, directly behind the shopkeep. She catches his eye; he winks and gives her a grand gesture reminiscent of a jolly Italian chef.
“SO,” she almost shouts when the shopkeep starts to turn around, “Mister, uh, cashier, is that what you do?? Anyway, what did you think of Josh Patella’s latest podcast on the-- on the issues?”
“Psh….. Everyone’s trying to get a slice of the Patella pie….. Not me, though. I’m the only one that truly understands his points…. You have to keep holding STX even when your money’s run dry and you’re struggling to pay off your car insurance.” That was oddly specific. Is he okay???
“Wow. It’s so nice to meet someone with some person with some perspective. Nobody in my circle even begins to understand the importance of.. Riding to the moon? In our rockets?”
The cashier nods sagely. He starts to talk about something else, but Jackie only gets to the third time he mentions ‘meritocracy’ before she begins to zone out.
Just as her brain is about to shut down, a sudden movement catches her eye.
It’s Swomp! And he’s got the game! He makes a frantic gesture, waving her out of the shop.
“RIGHT, it was great talking to you, but I really have to be going now, bye!” Jackie blurts out, cutting the shopkeep off midsentence. She vaults over the side of the counter, running out the door after Swomp, who’s surprisingly fast compared to her, whose job is physical activity.
Eventually dodging a few stray sticks of dynamite, she catches up to him. He’s standing outside his chill room, opening the door for her.
“after you”
“How polite.” she says, and then jumps over the back of the couch and flops onto her seat.
“this is so great. we got it. thank youuuu :)” Swomp sounds genuinely elated, fiddling with the plastic seal on the box. “usually i would be all about keeping it in mint condition but frankly i feel like the emotional worth of this specific copy outweighs any potential monetary value in the future nahmsayin.”
“Sure!” Jackie says, still kind of coming down from the adrenaline rush.
~~~
Today was a pretty good day, Jackie reflects later on. Less getting maimed than usual, and she’s more informed on Pikmin lore than she ever has been.
“you see whats really interesting about the blue pikmin is that basically every official source refers to the gills on their cheek but those are missing from basically every piece of art”
Yeah. Good day.