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Bad Timing

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Fabian and Riz arrive at Seacaster Manor before the rest of the gang, as The Hangman is much faster than the van (and Fabian believes that traffic laws simply don’t apply to him). It’s a chilly spring evening, the sun just beginning to set when The Bad Kids left Basrar’s to go to Fabian’s house for movie night. 

The motorcycle pulls up to the curb, rumbling “You’ve got this Master, The Ball will be yours,” through their psychic link. 

Fabian almost stumbles as he swings off the bike, blush high on his cheeks as he hisses “Not the time Hangman!”

Riz cocks a brow at him but doesn’t ask, pulling Fabian’s letter jacket closer around his shoulders. It’s much too big for him, falling over his thighs and the sleeves hanging passed his hands, but he likes wearing it anyway. It’s warm and heavy and has Seacaster stitched across the back. And of course Fabian insists when it’s cold, lamenting The Ball you really should be wearing a jacket, even when Riz says he’s fine. 

When he moves to get off the bike Fabian offers him a hand, which Riz doesn’t need but takes anyway. That’s not weird, right? Best friends can hold hands, it’s not a big deal. Riz hopes his palm isn’t sweaty. But then he steps down onto the sidewalk and Fabian…  just keeps holding his hand. Oh jeez, his palm is definitely a little sweaty now. 

And then Fabian is just standing there, looking at him with their hands hanging between them.

Say something you idiot, Fabian thinks to himself, frozen as Riz looks up at him quizzically. Just be cool and- and- 

“Uhhh, Fabian?” Riz, watching his best friend fidget nervously. 

“Yes, um- The Ball, I-” Fabian drops his gaze to the ground, shuffling his sneakers against the pavement. “I’ve been thinking- We are-”

Fabian looks at the hand clasped in his own, small and delicate but also dangerous and capable, sharp claws curving over the back of his palm. Seeing it makes his stomach flutter. He was going to wait to ask, but this is the first time they’ve been alone all night, and the rest of the gang is going to be arriving any minute. 

Do it now. Do it now. Just say it. 

Unless Riz says no. Then movie night will be awkward, and their friends will notice. And then Riz will feel uncomfortable around him, won’t want to hang out or ride on The Hangman with him or hide in his backpack anymore. Fabian doesn’t think he can live without The Ball at his side, chattering about mysteries and adventures and being best friends-

“Fabian are you okay? Should I get Cathilda or your mom-” 

“No!” Fabian cuts him off, realizing now that he’s hyperventilating. God, he must look so lame. 

Now or never, he thinks, swallowing the lump in his throat. Spring break, I believe in you. 

“The- Riz I’ve been thinking, if you aren’t busy this weekend- unless you are, that’s fine, um-” Fabian finally says, words spilling out too quickly. Riz is watching him with that searching-for-a-clue look in his eyes, making him stutter. “But if not, we could- if it’s alright with you,  I’d like to take you out- like on a-”  

Just then the front door of the mansion is thrown open and Gilear comes stumbling out.  

“Ahg! Boys, I am in need of some assistance!” He gasps out, scratching himself and spasming violently. 

“Gilear-?” Riz says.

“What the fuck-?” Fabian says at the same time. 

The quiet, tense moment is broken as Gilear groans and flops onto the lawn, thrashing and rolling around in front of them. 

“Please, I can feel my very few hit points draining away!”

“Gilear we were having a moment,” Fabian says indignantly, scowling at the pathetic pile of man(?) before him. He’s so annoyed that he doesn’t notice the soft, surprised look that crosses Riz’s face.  

“I am very sorry to interrupt Fabian, but I am being feasted upon by ants,” The wood elf moans, and indeed there are little fire ants crawling all over him. 

“Wha- How- Why are fuck are you covered in ants!” Fabian shouts back, teeth grinding at the sheer lunacy he has to put up with. 

Of all people his mother could have taken as a lover, why did it have to be this one?

“Well I had found my clothing, huhh- that I spilled agave nectar on. Do you recall?”


“And I had assumed that the ants had left after they had taken their fill, but then they returned.”

“You’ve got to be kidding-” Fabian starts, head pulsing with the usual Gilear-induced-migraine, regretting not doing everyone a favor and killing him months ago. 

But then that seething, white hot anger fades when Riz starts laughing. 

“Pfftt- You spilled agave on your clothes and just put them back on?” the goblin snickers, unable to hide his amusement. “Why didn’t you wash them?”

Riz looks really cute when he laughs, his fangs poke out and his eyes light up, face glowing in a way that emphasizes his freckles. Fabian feels his heart stutter in his chest. They’re still holding hands, he notices, but it doesn’t feel so weird now. 

“Last time I used the washing machine I fell in and was stuck for several hours,” Gilear bemoans, getting grass stains on his ant-infested clothes. 

Now Fabian can’t help but laugh too at Gilear’s misery, anger snuffed out as he gives Riz a can you believe this shit? look. 

“Hhhn- I can feel myself dying very slowly.”

“C’mon, lets go hose Gilear off,” Riz says, still laughing, tugging Fabian towards the garden. 

“Fine,” the fighter-bard concedes, taking the hose and turning the nozzle all the way up with vengeful glee. 

He aims the hose at Gilears writhing body, drenching him in water while Riz takes a crystal video to send to Fig. 

“AHh! It’s very cold!” 

The water washed the ants away, but the frigid air is doing a number on Gilear’s terrible constitution. They should probably get him inside soon, or else he might actually die before anyone with revivify gets here. And if Gilear dies on his watch Fabian will have to duel his mother to the death, which would be very unpleasant. But for now it’s nice, hanging out with Riz in the garden, holding hands, giggling like children as they turn Gilear into a sad puddle.  

“I’m free Saturday afternoon,” Riz says softly, rubbing his thumb over Fabian’s knuckles. “If you still want to, um-”

Fabian turns the spray down when Gilear starts to whither, squeezing his hand around Riz’s. 

“I’ll pick you up at your office,” he says with a smile, just as the other Bad Kids arrive.


As spring break approaches the party is planning a road trip down to the Beast Coast, to meet up with the Seven Maidens on their way back from a quest. It will certainly be better than last spring break, what with all the Nightmare King shit, providing Arthur Aguefort doesn’t surprise them with a last minute adventure. If all goes well, they’re going to throw an even wilder shrimp party than last year. 

The night before Fabian and Riz are in the Seacasters’ garage, Fabian in a grease stained t-shirt as he gives The Hangman a tune up, and Riz finishing up some homework nearby. 

“Isn’t the point of rogue classes to get out of homework? Don’t you get extra credit for cheating?” Fabian muses, tightening a bolt that makes The Hangman purr. 

“Not for my subclass, though I guess if I hacked into the teacher’s harddrive for the answers that could count as my midterm,” Riz says, methodically tapping his pen. “Besides, not everyone can just punch things and get an A.”

Fabian huffs in mock offence, popping his head up from under his bike. 

“I’ll have you know I am very good at punching things,” he says, making Riz roll his eyes. “And I still have to catch up in these bard courses, no one told me double classing would mean double work.”

“Mhm,” Riz smirks fondly. “I think literally everyone told you that.”

“Yes but I wasn’t listening The Ball,” Fabian says as he casts light on his fingertips, helping him see the undercarriage better. Having magic was awesome, but all the homework that comes with it? Not so much. “I thought Fig would be there to help me, but she never even shows up to bard classes!”

“Is she still stalking Porter?” Riz says with a laugh. 

“Probably,” the half-elf shrugs, sitting up and patting the seat of the motorcycle. “How does that feel Hangman?”

“Extraordinary Sire,” the bike roars. “I’m ready to burn rubber and let loose the fury of Hell!”

“In the morning, and no chasing seagulls this time,” Fabian scolds. “I was pulling feathers out of your engine for a week!”  

“Those winged demons started it!”

“All finished?” Riz asks, setting his homework aside to stand by Fabian’s side. 

“Yeah, I’ll let Gorgug take a look tomorrow before we leave,” he says, sitting on the floor and stretching out the cramp in his back. “What time is it? Do you want to spend the night, or I can take you home?”

From his spot on the floor Fabian has the unique perspective of looking up at Riz. It must be late, he looks sleepy and comfortable, dressed down in a rumpled button-up and hair in a messy nest of curls. He rubs his eyes and squints down his watch.

“Uhh, about half past midnight” Riz yawns. He pulled an allnighter last night and now the crash is catching up to him. “I’ll just text my mom and tell her I’m staying over, if that’s okay?”

“Of course,” Fabian smiles, not moving to get up yet. He must have been working on his bike for longer than he thought, suddenly tired and a little sore. But it was fun just hanging out in the garage with Riz and making small talk. “We can swing by your place on the way to the manor in the morning.”

“Mhm,” Riz hums, and then blinks at him. “You’ve got some grease on your face.”

Ugh, Fabian reaches for a rag, dreading what motor oil will do to his skin, but stalls when Riz reaches out and swipes his thumb over his cheek. He feels the edge of the claw drag under his good eye, careful, and he doesn’t flinch away, trusting. The tips of Riz’s fingers rest on his jaw, cold against his flushed skin. A second later Riz moves to pull away with a black stain on his thumb, and probably some streaks left of Fabian’s cheek, but the half-elf catches his wrist. 

In the last few weeks they’ve been on a few dates- or, well they’ve gone out to a movie and icecream and had their usual sleepover nights. But they haven’t really talked about it yet, stuck somewhere between casual-best-friend hangouts and kinda-like-each-other hangouts. They hold hands sometimes, sit too close during movie night, say flustered goodbyes at the doorstep, but they haven’t actually said they were dating. The weight of their best friendship hangs precariously in the balance, and neither of them wants to fuck that up. 

The other Bad Kids might have a very secret betting pool about it, but they’re not going to tell Riz and Fabian that. 

But under the too-bright lights of the garage, both very tired and a little sweaty, Fabian catches Riz by the wrist and pulls him closer. Riz doesn’t resist, his big, expressive eyes dilating as Fabian sits up to the perfect height to lean in and just... 

Now or never, Fabian thinks, swiping his tongue across his lips, pulse thump-thump-thumping in his ears, as he leans in for a kiss-

Then the door opens.

“I know it’s somewhere in here- Oh! Oh my, I didn’t mean-” Gilear comes bumbling in from inside the house, wearing an oversized robe and a pair of tube socks. 

“Huh?” Riz looks over, just when their lips were about to touch. 

God dammit, Fabian feels the moment slip away, letting go of Riz’s wrist and slumping on the floor. 

He grits his teeth with barely contained his irritation, and says “Gilear, what could you possibly want?!

“Uh- Ah, I’m very sorry boys, I didn’t think-” The wood elf cautiously steps into the garage, like Fabian isn’t glaring daggers at him. “I was just looking for my panini maker…”

“It’s like, midnight-thirty Gilear,” Riz says, ever the voice of reason. 

Yes you feeble excuse for a man, go back to bed and let me kiss The Ball in peace. 

The Hangman growls in Gilears’s direction, sensing his master’s annoyance. Good motorcycle. 

“Yes I am very aware,” Gilear says, edging away from the teens toward the back corner of the garage, where he used to keep his things. “But Fabian, your mother made me reduce my yogurt consumption, and I usually have a snack between the hours of 12 and 1 am.”

“Everyday you live in my house is a trial Gilear,” Fabian says in monotone as exhaustion settles into his bones, letting his head hang between his knees. “I would kill you if you weren’t the chosen one.” 

He almost got his kisses in. Flew too close to the sun and got kiss-blocked by Gilear. Pour one out for Fabian’s bruised ego. Riz rubs his shoulder fondly, smiling despite the ruined moment, because he’s an angel. Fabian wants to kiss him so bad-

“I still don’t know if that is a joke,” Gilear droles, looking through the stores of unused appliances and empty pirate barrels. “And boys, I don’t mean to overstep-”

“But you will anyway,” Fabian mumbles, hoping Gilear will take the hint. 

He doesn’t of course, going on to say “Just- uh- hhnn- as an adult in your life, I would like to offer my support, and if you ever need to talk or uhh-  about your um- relationship-?” 

Oh hell no, we’re not doing this. 

“Gilear get your goddamn toaster and get the fuck out,” Fabian cuts him off, cold-blooded murder glinting in his eye. 

“It’s a panini press- Harghh!” Gilear says, stumbling backwards and foot landing right on the hot griddle of the device, and he cries out in pain. “I’ve found it! Oh God I’ve found it-”

Gilear falls to the floor, knocking over several barrels in the process, with his foot trapped and between the sizzling hotplates.

“Holy shit,” Riz jumps up, dodging a rolling barrel and rushing over to Gilear. “Why was it on?”

Fabian follows with less urgency, too dumbfounded by Gilear’s bad luck to feel any kind of karmic vindication.

“Gilear stop screaming,” he says, rubbing his temples as he comes over to inspect the damage. 

Riz has already done the smart thing and unplugged the panini press, but it’s still hot enough that the acrid scent of burning flesh is filling the air. Gilear tries ineffectively to kick the device off, but it seems that it has a higher AC than his attack bonus.   

“Please help me!” Gilear cries as Fabian kneels down beside him. “It has clamped down and won’t release my foot, hHHNnuh! I am in agony!”

“Stop fucking moving,” the half-elf snaps at him, trying to pry it open without burning himself or seeing under Gilear’s loose robe. A second later, the blackened fabric of his sock catches on fire, and the man starts screaming even louder. “God damn it Gilear!”

The commotion eventually wakes Cathilda, who comes down to the garage and sees to the disaster so calmly and efficiently that Fabian thinks she must have some innate magic abilities. In minutes the fire is extinguished and Gilear has his grilled foot in a bucket of ice, and she even has a fresh cup of tea brewed just when Hallariel finally descends into the garage. 

She takes a long sip of tea and pushes back her sleep-tousled hair, and then says “Darling this is exactly why I had forbid you from having midnight snacks.”

“At the time your reasoning seemed very strange and specific,” Gilear says miserably, already shivering from the ice. “But I can’t deny that your concerns were accurate.”  

Fabian sits against the far wall of the garage, staring off into space with exhausted apathy, surveying the epic tragedy his life has become. The Hangman is at his side, nuzzling it’s front tire against his arm like the good motorcycle/hellhound it is.

Riz is gathering all his homework up into his briefcase, probably not wanting to spend the night after that embarrassing display. He probably doesn’t want to kiss Fabian either, or go on dates anymore. Fabian will just have to deal with all this bullshit alone, with no badass goblin boyfriend and no kisses and-

“Hey Fabian,” Riz says, suddenly right next to him and snapping him out of his depressive slump. “Let’s go to bed, we’ll tell everyone about Gilear’s panini foot in the morning.”

The thought alone makes Fabian crack a smile, maybe even laugh, just as Riz leans in to kiss him on the cheek, right at the corner of his mouth. It’s just a peck, so fast he might’ve missed it if Riz wasn’t blushing and nervously twiddling his claws, and the spot on his face feels all hot and tingly. 

Hopefully neither of his mother-figures (and whatever Gilear is to him, definitely not a father figure) didn’t see that. And he also hopes they don’t see the eager, giddy grin that crosses his face. 

Invigorated, he stands and takes Riz’s hand, pulling him toward his bedroom and saying “Well come on then The Ball,” with a wink. 

Oh he’s getting kisses in tonight, no doubt about it

“Uhhh, Fabian,” Gilear calls out as the boys leave. “If it’s not too much of a bother, do you mind casting healing on my-”

Fabian slams the door. 


At the beginning of summer Fabian takes a short holiday to Kei Lumennura to train with his grandfather, but as he goes to bed that first night, the next two weeks away from Elmville seem like an eternity. He already misses his boyfriend. 

Back home Riz is working on some super-classified reconnaissance for the celestial agency his father works for, so even if he stayed in town they wouldn’t have gotten to spend much time together. But still, Fabian misses coming to Riz’s office in the morning with expensive coffee and listening to his half-baked theories and sneaking one last kiss when Riz insists I’m in deep cover Fabian, cut it out!

Once he gets back from Fallinel they are planning a visit to the lower planes with Fig and Ayda, and maybe the other Bad Kids if they stop being such babies about going to Hell. Gorthalax said they can stay at his place in the Bottomless Pit, where Riz can meet up with his dad and Fabian can track down The Goldenrod to see his Papa. If all goes well (as well as anything can go in Hell) it will be a lovely reunion and Fabian can finally meet Riz’s father in person for the first time, as his boyfriend, and not royally fuck it up-

He’s a little stressed about it. Stressed and cranky and missing his dorky little goblin poking his side and talking about clues. 

After a few hours of tossing and turning Fabian finally concedes to his melancholy and grabs his crystal to call Riz. It’s a few hours later in Solace, Riz is probably busy, and Fabian doesn’t want to look desperate, but as the crystal rings he crosses his fingers. 

Riz answers on the second ring like he always does (except for that time he got kidnapped) and says “Shouldn’t you be asleep?”

Fabian snorts a laugh, relief flooding his chest.

“Like you’re one to talk The Ball,” he snarks back. “Isn’t it like 4 am there? Are you still at the office?”

“...Maybe,” Riz says, and in the background Fabian can hear the click-clicking of his claws on the desk. “I’m almost done, I promise.”

“Mhm, sure.”

“Why are you up anyway? Did your ship just get in?”

“No, I just- uh, couldn’t sleep,” Fabian says, plucking at the extravagant sheets of his bed. Kristen was right, it is like sleeping on cream. “The journey was lovely and I arrived this afternoon.”

“You didn’t commandeer the ship did you?”

“I considered it, for old time’s sake, but thought better of it.”

“No good buildings to crash into?” Riz snickers. 

“Ha-ha, very funny The Ball,” he deadpans, turning over and trying to get comfortable. “My grandpapa sends his regards by the way.”

“I’ll pass that along to Jorjug.” 

Fabian laughs, leaning back and folding an arm under his head, feeling relaxed for the first time all day.

“What are you up to anyway?”

“Pfft, moving my three stupid clues around the board over and over. All my leads are turning up nothing and I’ve tried a hundred ways to decode this cipher and it’s still garbage,” His voice through the phone sounds tight and frantic, the way it gets when he starts to spiral. “And I have to find a break in the case or I’m going to have nothing to give to my dad for his-”

“You will, you’ll find it,” Fabian interrupts, tone firm and confident. 

“But-” Riz’s voice cracks. 

Fabian wishes he was there to pull him into a hug, kiss him until he stops stammering, remind him that he’s the best goddamn detective in all the nine realms. 

“Riz,” he says, trying to project all his love and affection through the crystal. “You will crack this case and he will be very proud of you. Spring break, I believe in you.”

On the other side of the phone Riz takes a deep breath, sniffling quietly before he says “Thanks, I needed that.” 



“I wa-” Fabian starts.

“Um, Fab-” Riz says at the same time. 

“Oh, sorry.”

“Uh, go ahead-”

“No, you first.”

“I insist-”


The Ball.” 

“Would you just tell me?”

“Okay okay fine,” Fabian finally relents, turning bashful. “I was going to say, well the reason I called, this is silly but-”

“Fabian is something wrong?”

“No The Ball, I just-”

“Are you hurt?”

Oh god, it’s boys night all over again. 

“I am not hurt, just I-” Fabian takes a steadying breath. “I know it’s less than a day, but I, I missed you. I miss you.” 

“...Oh,” Riz says after a moment. “I was going to say that.”

The tight knot in his stomach uncoils, and Fabian blinks up at the high marble ceiling. 


“Yeah, I miss you too,” Riz says it quietly, like it’s only for Fabian to hear. “I was really happy when you called, I wanted to talk to you all day.”

“You can call me you know? I’m on Gorgug’s satellite, I can pick up anytime.”

“Yeah, I know. You can call me too, whenever. I’ll pick up.” 

Fabian is absolutely not going to cry. No way. He swears he won’t cry about his boyfriend until at least day three of this trip.

“Riz,” he starts, reminding himself to keep it together. He had wanted to say this in person, on a romantic date or something, maybe with fireworks, no expense spared to make it perfect. Definitely not during an awkward late night call, when he can’t see Riz’s face or hold his hand or kiss him. But suddenly he has to say it now , it’s bursting out of him and he just has to, the feeling so urgent that he doesn’t notice his crystal vibrating strangely in his hand. “I lov-”

“Hello? Uhhh, Fabian?” a third voice enters the call. 


“What’d you say-”

“Are you there?”

“Is that-?”

It can’t be.

“GiLEAR?” Fabian yells, loud enough to startle all the elven teenagers in Kei Lumennura. 

“Hello, I was just calling-” 

“HoW!?” the fighter-bard demands, gripping his crystal so hard it might shatter. “How are you calling me?!”

“Uuhhhh, well I did just put more minutes on my crystal, though I expect my signal will cut out eventually-”

“How did you even get in this call Gilear?” Riz says, interpreting the noises of confusion and anger Fabian keeps making. 

“Riz? You’re in Fallinel?”

“No, we were on the phone-”

“I didn’t know my crystal could make three way calls. Fig insisted I update but I’m finding the touch screen very difficult to navigate-”

“Gilear why are you calling me at-” Fabian fumbles to check the time. “4 fucking 30 am from across the fucking ocean!?”

“You still buy minutes for a smart crystal?”

“Hhnn, most cellular companies will not provide me service, as my credit score is negative-”


“Oh, Fabian I was just calling because, well I am locked out of the manor-”

“Why the fuck -?”

“Both my keys and wallet were stolen by a large bird-”

Excuse me?”

“And after many hours of walking across town, because I couldn’t drive my car without the keys, I’ve returned to the manor to find that Cathilda is out for the evening and your mother is not answering her crystal. So I was wondering if you could tell me if there is a spare key hidden somewhere? I’m afraid that if I try to climb through a window there is a high likelihood I will die.”

Fabian can feel his very core vibrate with rage. He was going to say it, he was so close-

“Sleep in the fucking bushes and don’t ever call me again!” He snaps.

“There’s a key in the bushes you say?”


“Oh shit, Fabian my crystal’s about to die,” Riz says suddenly, accompanied by the sounds of him scrambling around for his briefcase.

Fabian feels his heart drop to his stomach, “What? The Ball wait-”

“Fabian I don’t see anything, there are so many bushes in the garden-”

“Gilear hang up!”

“I think my charger’s at home fuck, sorry-”

“Riz I-”

And then the call goes quiet, just the sound of Fabians pulse in his ears, and Gilear’s tired wheezing. 

“...I’ve interrupted something important, haven’t I?” Gilear says after a long moment of silence. 

“Yes,” Fabian says, voice clipped as he stares up at the ceiling. “Yes you did.”

“I’m very sorry.”

“You will be.”

“Hhnnh, a well made threat. I am terrified.”


“But before then… is there a spare key somewhere?”

“Goodbye Gilear,” Fabian hangs up before he can get drawn into another meandering conversation about Gilear’s sad life.

He flops back on the bed, the air heavy with self-pity. Maybe he will cry tonight, who’s to say? But before he can start wallowing he turns back to his crystal. He opens the text chain between him and Riz, scrolling through their inside jokes and encrypted codes and overused emojis. 

I love you he types out, hitting send before he can chicken out. 

Fabian tosses his crystal aside right after, not wanting to hover anxiously over it like a weirdo, and rolls over to try and sleep. Hopefully Riz will call when he gets his crystal charged. 


“If you’re not going to help me spy-” Riz mumbles, rolling his eyes when Fabian ducks down to kiss his neck.

“The Ball I am helping,” He mumbles against his jugular, working a hickey into his skin.

Riz pushes him away playfully, peeking out the cracked door and saying “Kissing is not helping.”

Fabian scoffs, wrapping his arms around Riz’s waist, “I strongly disagree.”

Senior year kicks off with a bang, a new mystery to solve and the fate of the world depends on the actions of six hormonal teenagers, as usual. This particular school day is nearly over when Riz dashed into a janitor’s closet and Fabian followed eagerly. Though he didn’t realize they were absconding there to perform espionage, not play tonsil hockey.  

“That new sorcery teacher is shady, and in the last month there’s been eight different casters that have had their spells stolen and their minds erased,” Riz whispers, claws tapping against the doorjamb. “And there has been weird crystal signals coming from The Mountains of Chaos, and Aguefort keeps dropping hints about witch hazel and dream magic-”

“Yes I have seen your conspiracy board, it’s very thorough,” Fabian says at a normal volume, because the halls are empty. “But the sorcery class doesn’t get out for, what- 10 minutes?” 

Riz checks his watch and says “11 and a half.” 

Fabian crouches down and pins Riz against the wall, gently of course, ‘cause he’s not an asshole. But despite his cursory protests, the rogue doesn’t dodge away as Fabian starts kissing along his jaw.

“So how about when class gets out we follow him out and trail him on The Hangman,” he murmurs between kisses, trailing up Riz’s cheek and to his lips. “Maybe grab something for Adaine to scry on, and between now and then we can make out.”

Infallible logic, a perfect plan. Who says Fabian is just the pretty one with the sword? Riz is already blushing, tentatively putting his hands on Fabian’s shoulders, not pushing him away. He bites his bottom lip in thought and the fighter-bard can’t help but kiss him there.

“...Okay,” Riz finally says, a little breathless against his mouth, shutting the door so they don’t get caught. “But only until class gets out.”

Fuck yeah, Fabian grins, getting my kisses in. He feels like jumping up to slap the top of the doorframe, but that would probably look lame and ruin the mood. Instead he shoves his tongue into Riz’s mouth, relishing the surprised noise he gets in response, kissing him with all the passion of the seven seas. Riz tips his head back and lets Fabian take the lead, moaning when their tongues clash, gasping when Fabian traces his fangs, panting when Fabian pulls away briefly, chasing after another kiss. 

Fabian readjusts his hold on Riz, gets an arm around his hips and holds the small of his back, pulling their bodies flush together as they kiss. Riz grips his claws into the back of Fabian’s jacket, squirming closer until he can just jump into Fabian’s arms. Catching him easily, Fabian stands and presses his back to the door, Riz wrapping his legs around his waist.

“The Ball,” he chuckles. And people think he’s the desperate one.

“Shut up,” Riz mumbles, holding Fabian’s jaw and pulling him into another kiss. 

The tight space of the janitor’s closet is getting humid, filled with body heat and wet kissing noises. It’s hot enough that Fabian wants to take his jacket off and get his hands under Riz’s shirt, feel his bare skin. Impulsively he knocks Riz’s hat off and gets a hand in his hair, pulls it just enough to make the goblin stifle a moan against his neck. Riz gets him back with a sharp bite on his collar bone, sucking a mark there that Fabian won’t even bother to hide. 

Their mouths meet again and it’s so good, wet and hot and desperate, so good that Fabian can’t help but roll his hips against Riz’s inner thigh. Riz has his claws tangled in the half-elf’s hair, pulling him closer, kissing him harder, letting Fabian grind mindlessly against his hip.

Fuck fuck fuck, they shouldn’t be doing this at school, but there’s no stopping now.

Until, of course, the door opens and Fabian and Riz come tumbling out at the feet of their very surprised Vice Principal. 

“AHnh! Oh my, I’ve spilled my yogurt…” Gilear says, holding a little cup of yogurt and a big lemon-flavored splatter across his shirt. 

“Oof,” Fabian groans, landing hard on his hands and knees and just catching Riz before his head hits the linoleum floor. Riz clutches onto Fabian’s shoulders, tail thrashing at the sudden fall, lips kiss-bruised and lovebites on his neck. Fabian is very sure he looks the same, hair falling into his eyes and jacket slipped off one shoulder. It’d be very obvious to anyone what they were just doing, going by the tired, listless look on Gilear’s face.

“Why is it always you two?” he laments, like they’re the ones that are the problem.

Fabian is incensed. 

“No Gilear, why is it always you!?” Fabian yells, as intimidating as he can be while still on the hallway floor. “Why the hell are you going into the janitor’s closet with yogurt!?”

School janitor’s closets are for two things only, impromptu make-out sessions and storing cleaning supplies. In that order. Fabian’s never even seen a janitor at this school, and they need one. This floor is fucking filthy. 

“I come here to be alone sometimes,” Gilear admits.

Riz unwraps himself from Fabian’s torso and wipes a trail of spit off his mouth, sitting on the floor as he says, “What about your office?”

“Hnnhh- on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons Arthur Aguefort uses my office to scream into the void.”

“Huh, so that’s what that noise is.”

Fabian can’t believe this shit. He already has to deal with Gilear at home, and then everyday at this school is a goddamn shitshow. Can’t he get 10 fucking mintutes to fulfill some high school fantasies with his boyfriend? Is that too much to ask? 

His sword is right there, on the floor with his backpack and Riz’s briefcase. It would be so easy to just-

And right then the bell rings, interrupting any murderous desires burning in the fighter-bard, and crowds of students come surging out into the hallway. Among them is the new sorcery teacher, wearing a cowboy hat but no shirt, walking briskly towards the exit. 

“Fabian, he’s getting away!” Riz jumps up, nimbly grabbing his hat and briefcase and running down the hall. 

“Oh fuck,” Fabian scrambles to follow him, no time to berate Gilear (for now). But he does shove passed him in his haste, sending the middle-aged elf into the hoard of teens with a cry of distress.  


There’s a movie playing on his giant television, some noir fantasy mystery that they’ve seen before, but neither Fabian or Riz are paying attention. They’re too busy exploring each other’s mouths, hands slipping underneath their clothes, getting tangled in the bedsheets. 

“Mmmm, Fabian -” Riz whines when the half-elf starts biting his ear, sucking on his piercing until he keens and then kissing down his neck. 

Claws drag across Fabian’s bare shoulder blades, his shirt thrown off a moment ago, and the buttons of Riz’s shirt are slowly coming undone. It would be much easier to get their clothes off if they weren't clumsily grinding against each other, but that doesn’t mean they’re going to stop. 

It takes some fumbling but finally Riz’s shirt gets tossed aside, and then Fabian rolls on top of him, hiking his legs up around his waist. Riz groans against his mouth, voice rough and needy as Fabian slots their hips together. 

This is awesome , Fabian loves having movie night with the gang, but can’t say he’s disappointed that everyone else had plans tonight. Nothing is better than having Riz underneath him, shirtless and squirming and arching up into Fabian’s jerking hips. Honestly Fabian would be perfectly happy getting off like this, the thought of making Riz cum in his dapper little slacks a fixture of his daydreams, but also…

His hand drifts down from Riz’s chest, around to the dip of his back and then further, squeezing his ass and thighs through his pants. The goblin under him groans, breathing heavy against his neck and writhing as Fabian feels him up. And then, just to test the waters, he reaches for the clasp of Riz’s pants. 

With an immense amount of restraint Fabian is able to pull his lips off his boyfriend to ask “Is- is this okay?”

He knows Riz doesn’t always want sexual stuff, not the way that Fabian does at least, and he doesn’t want to push if this is going too far. They’ve been experimenting lately, making out and grinding, some hand-stuff, some mouth-stuff, but Fabian’s always cautious about asking for more. He doesn’t want to do something Riz isn’t ready for, doesn’t want to make him feel pressured or trapped.

Riz drops his head back to look up at Fabian, messy curls spilling over the pillow, flushed dark green all the way down to his chest, mouth open and wet, but his eyes are clear. 

“Yeah,” he says, breathless and pulling Fabian back down. “C’mon, keep going.”

“You sure?” Fabian double checks as Riz kisses his jaw, Jawbone’s voice in the back of his head talking about enthusiastic consent and open communication. 

Those thoughts fly out of his head when Riz reaches down and slides his hand right into Fabian’s sweatpants, grabbing his cock with thin, clever fingers. Electricity runs up his spine, shocked still as Riz kisses his open mouth, too distracted to hear a hesitant knock at the door.

“Fabian, please,” he whines between kisses, sounding better than any dirty fantasy Fabian can conjure. “Please just fuck-”

“Uhhh- boys, Cathilda has asked me to tell you that dinner is- Oh! Oh no-” 

Really, who else could it be?

Fabian feels something snap inside him. It’s some volatile, explosive combination of hormones and rage and just being absolutely done. His vision tunnels, adrenaline pumping through his veins as he jumps off Riz and sets his inflamed gaze upon Gilear. 

In an flash his sword is in his hand and he’s striding across the room. 

Gilear is still standing in the doorway, slack jawed and petrified with fear as Fabian thunders towards him. His tragic life flashes before his eyes, quivering with absolute terror. 

This is how it was always meant to end, Fabian thinks in his angry haze. The chosen one, Gilear, his true nemesis. Coming between Fabian and Riz for the last time. The final obstacle to overcome to become his own man. The last dragon to slay, a stupid, pitiful, yogurt-eating dragon.

“Fabian- Fabian wait-” Riz clambers off the bed, grabbing onto his arm and trying to pull him back.

Honestly Riz’s strength is so low that Fabian doesn’t even notice, just drags him along in his pursuit to murder Gilear in cold blood. 

The wood elf stumbles backwards into the hall, hands up in useless self defense.

“Uhhh- hnnhh I didn’t mean-” he says, turning to run as Fabian keeps coming at him. “Fabian please, I beg of you-!”

Get back here and face your death like a man, you pathetic pile of-” the fighter-bard growls, voice thundering through the hall.

“Fabian stop! Listen, you-” Riz insists, claws digging into his elbow. 

Halfway down the hall Gilear trips on a fancy rug, tumbling ridiculously across the floor, lying prone and Fabian stalks toward him. 

Hallariel wonders in then, raising a delicate brow at the scene “Darling what’s going on here-?”

He dies today Mama,” Fabian grits out. He’ll have to duel her afterwards, which will be rather upsetting, but it must be done. He’ll fight anyone he has to to finally get some privacy with his boyfriend. 

“Oh really my darling, is this necessary?”


“Please don’t kill me!”

“Fabian you don’t understand, just-”

Cathilda appears next, saying  “Master Fabian, are you aware-”

“I have too much to live for!”

“No you don’t!”

“Figueroth would be very upset!”

“She can visit you in Hell!”

“There are so many types of yogurt I’ve never tried!”

That provokes some enraged, incoherent growling noise from Fabian as he raises his sword. 

“Fabian your dick’s out!” Riz yells, finally getting through to him. 

The fighter-bard freezes in place, poised to drive his sword through Gilear’s doughy chest, and looks down to see that, yes indeed, his half-hard cock is hanging out of his sweats. And Gilear is there, and his mother, and his pseudo-mother, and his boyfriend, while his cock is out. While he was just about to commit cold-blooded murder. 

His arm drops to his side, all the impassioned rage draining out of him in an instant, jaw clenched and shoulders slumped. Without a word he turns and walks back to his bedroom, gaze far off into oblivion, leaving Gilear on the floor and everyone else standing awkwardly in the hall. 

“Uhmm dinner is ready, by the way,” Gilear says, after he realizes that he’s not on death’s door. 

“We heard Gilear,” Riz says, crossing his arms over his chest and biting his nails, embarrassed and half-naked in front of his boyfriend’s family. Jeez, way to kill a mood. “I’ll uh- go check on him,” he stammers, escaping into the bedroom and shutting the door, remembering to lock it this time. 


Fabian was able to convince Riz to do some sparring with him this afternoon, insisting “You really need some fighting practice The Ball. What if you get grappled and I’m not there to rescue you?”

“Yeah, sure. And it’s not just ‘cause you want to wrestle me to the ground?”

“What? Me? The Ball I’m hurt.”

“I’m going to use Fury of the Small on you.”

Mmm, I hope you do.”

After a hot, sweaty work-out and some handsy play-fighting, with probably too much kissing, the teen boys come in from the patio and head toward the shower. 

“Let me wash your back The Ball,” Fabian says as he slides his arm around Riz’s waist. 

“Doesn’t your hair care routine take like, 30 minutes?” Riz snarks back, letting Fabian lead him towards the big fancy guest bathroom. 

“I can multitask,” he responds, leaning down to steal a kiss and cop a feel through those tight shorts Riz is wearing. 

And obviously they are too focused on each other to notice the sound of the shower running, and turning off just as they open the door. 

“AHHGhh!” Gilear shouts, startled by their sudden intrusion as he was reaching for a towel.

Both Fabian and Riz look up in shocked horror, just as Gilear slips on the wet floor and tumbles out of the shower in a crumpled heap. Unfortunately his massive horse cock is still very, very visible

Reflexively Riz covers his eyes, but the image is already burning into his brain for the second time, and Fabian is just standing there gaping, dumbstruck by his own misfortune.

“Gilear- I- Ah-” He stutters before finally settling on, “ Lock the door next time!”

“Duly noted,” the man wheezes, facedown on the floor, weak body badly injured from the fall. “Now can you please help me-?”

Before they can be emotionally scarred any further Fabian just picks Riz up and dashes as far away as he can get. 

“Boys? Are you still there? I think I’ve broken something."