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Episode V: The Empire Fucks Back

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Danny pulled a DVD off of the shelf and held it out to Steve. “Seriously? You seriously own something called Episode V: The Empire Fucks Back?”

Steve shrugged. “Some of the guys got it for me as a prank gift on my birthday a couple of years ago.”

“And you just keep it on the shelf, in plain view, where my precious little girl could have found it?” Danny exclaimed. “Do you keep all your porn out here in alphabetical order?” He turned back to the DVD shelf. “Is Deep Throat next to Deep Impact? Will I find Insatiable next to Inception?”

Deep Impact? Why would I waste money on that?” Steve asked. Danny turned around and glared at Steve until Steve threw his hands up in exasperation. “Yes, Danny, I have an extensive collection of classic 1970s pornography. I like to keep it on display.”

“Well, I don’t know,” Danny said. He tossed the DVD at Steve. “That had better be hidden away where not even Sherlock Holmes could find it by Grace’s next visit.”

Steve picked up the DVD and flipped it over to read the back. “You know, I’ve never even watched this thing.”

Danny grabbed the case out of Steve’s hand and began to read. “While Duke Skytalker learns to control his powers, his friends are relentlessly pursued by the Empire’s Sperm Troopers—Sperm Troopers? Steve, this has to be the worst porn ever.”

“Probably,” Steve agreed. He smirked at Danny. “But you know, there’s only one way to find out.”

“You don’t seriously want to watch this?” Danny asked.

Steve shrugged. “Better than watching Enemy Mine. Again.”

“Hey!” Danny pointed an accusing finger at Steve. “That movie is a classic. You do not get to disparage Enemy Mine.”

Steve stood up and took the DVD from Danny. “Well how do you know this one isn’t a classic?”

Danny sighed and flopped back onto the couch. “Fine, put in the bad porn.”

Steve stuck the disk in and joined Danny on the couch. “Danny, I’ve seen the porn folder on your laptop. You don’t get to judge.”

Danny turned red. “I don’t have porn on my laptop.”

Steve raised a disbelieving eyebrow. “That folder labeled ‘Hockey Fights’ isn’t fooling anyone. Although, I was pleasantly surprised by the number of military fetish videos you have.”

“Just start the movie,” Danny muttered.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to go put on my uniform first?” Steve asked.

“Oh, you’re going to be wearing that uniform tonight,” Danny replied. “You’re going to owe me for sitting through this movie. You are going to owe me so much.”

“I didn’t get anything for watching Enemy Mine with you,” Steve pointed out.

“You got the pleasure of my company. Now hit play or forever hold your peace.”

Steve laughed and started the film.