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Missing You Like Crazy

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The members of Thorin Oakenshield’s company were known as many things: Retakers of Erebor, Adventurers, Warriors, and Heroes…

However, if any other dwarf witnessed the commotion occurring in the Company’s meeting room at that moment, then they would see their ‘heroes’ as a far cry from their noble sobriquets . Partly due to their trembling forms as they stumbled away blindly, ducking behind pieces of overturned furniture or doing their best to dodge flying projectiles with expressions of complete fear covering their faces.

Was this the work of rebels, you ask? Or mercenaries?

No .

For if a by-stander could look pass the mayhem and fear-driven dwarrows, they could see a heavily pregnant Bifur on the far side of the room.


{There is an unsaid reason why many dwarves choose to remain devoted to their craft for the majority of their lives. Not because they are averse to the idea of marriage or children…but as the old saying went:

With the strength of ten men, and the wrath of a lover scorned- beware of a pregnant dwarf.”}


Now, Bifur was already prone to fits of blind anger per his axe-condition but they increased steadily due to the aforementioned pregnancy.

The situation was bleak and dire for our favourite group of dwarrows because the one person capable of not only calming down the distressed dwarf but also keeping him in some semblance of calm was out of the city.

Oh Gods, I’m too young to die!
Kili groaned inwardly, huddling beside his brother behind an upturned table.


Save us! Anyone! I don’t even care if that daft Elven King comes barging through the door! Thorin pleaded as he dodged another wood-carving knife.


Is this punishment?! Nori mentally shook his fist at the sky as he hid behind Dori; I was going to give Dwalin’s knuckledusters back today!


Balin only pressed his hands together in fervent prayer, praying for the immediate return of their burglar and thinking back to the exact moment things went south.



~6 Months Prior~


It was a reluctant Bilbo who left his husband for business in the Shire, it being the first time the pair had been apart since the retaking of Erebor.

The heart-breaking sight was hard to witness by the assembled company who had come to send their burglar off safely in the hands of their trusty wizard. The hobbit was doing his best to soothe his mate’s unspoken fears; brushing his fingers through his dwarf’s beard and then placing his hands on either side of Bifur’s face, studying his crazed countenance with determined eyes.

I swear I will return as quickly as I can.” Bilbo spoke in fluent Khuzdul, his normally soft tone roughened and deep as he spoke. Bifur nodded slowly in response, his senses seeming to return at the hobbit’s voice. “For what I treasure most in this world resides here,” Bilbo continued, his green eyes sincere, “You, my dearest Heart, I will always return to for wherever you are, is my home.”

Bifur mumbled back in broken Khuzdul through his tears as the two embraced tightly. The rest of the company wasn’t doing so well either; all teary-eyed after the declaration and many a dwarrow sighed at the fierce love shown between the two. After several minutes, the two reluctantly disengaged; only for Bifur to lean forward to press his forehead against Bilbo’s several times (leaving the others to ‘Aw’ in response) and it was with great effort that the hobbit manoeuvred his husband into the waiting arms of Bofur.

“Take care.” He said solemnly in Westron, receiving nods in return as Bombur and Bofur tried their best to comfort Bifur.

“Return to us safely, Cousin.”  Bofur replied, his eyes warm even as he placed a hand on Bifur’s shoulder.

“Aye, I will.” Bilbo promised, sharing one last fleeting look with his distressed mate and slowly turned around, making his way to his waiting horse. Mounting gracefully and without another word, he began his journey – not looking back.

That was the first day of Bifur’s meltdowns.


~End Of Flashback~



By the time of the current situation, Bifur was on a rampage and for the company that meant every dwarrow for himself as they scrambled for cover.

Said dwarf was completely gone replaced with something animalistic. His clothes were haphazard, hair and beard a mess; any sign of movement was met by ferocious growls and snarls while his hands covered his swollen stomach protectively even as his eyes roved over the destruction ferally.

It was at that moment that Ori suddenly tripped mid-way through his escape to reach Dori several pieces of furniture away. The others gasped as the pregnant dwarf zeroed in on the young dwarrow and Ori gave a startled yelp when Bifur began to advance on him like a demon.

“Ori!” Dori and Nori screamed, scrambling to their feet.




The doors to the room were wrenched open and the sudden noise had everyone freeze in their tracks.

-And then nearly weep at the sight.

There in the doorway was an equally demented-looking Bilbo Baggins, panting heavily as if he had just traversed through scores of lands and still in his worn travelling clothes. “Where is my dearest Heart?!” He yelled frantically, taking in the (what seemed like) a war zone.

Bifur had frozen in shock at the loud noise but a light of recognition appeared in his eyes at the sound of Bilbo’s voice and immediately answered, “Here. Here. Here.” He repeated hoarsely as all signs of distress disappeared and he sunk to his knees tiredly. Bilbo had already raced over at the first response and sunk to his knees behind Bifur and embraced the other tightly; one arm around Bifur’s chest for support and the other rubbing soothing circles across his swollen belly. The dwarf instantly relaxed into Bilbo’s embrace and leaned into his touch.

Forgive my stench, my love. I had to see you…see both of you first.” Bilbo whispered, his tone gentle before pressing a kiss to Bifur’s wild hair and then slowly rocking the dwarf in his arms, allowing his own poor heart to steady after such an ordeal.


For the others in the room, they would all swear that Bilbo Baggins was many things: Burglar, Friend, Brother-In-Arms.

But at that moment, he was their Saviour.  
His very presence lightened the atmosphere in the room sending the darkness away and his words brought peace as was his way in life.

Missed you.” Bifur whispered back drowsily after a moment of comfortable (read relieved) silence.

Bilbo surveyed the damage of the room with a grin but replied sincerely, “And I missed you. My dearest Heart. My love. My husband.”

At each endearment, the dwarf hummed in happiness and it was a calm Bifur that turned to Bilbo once they got to their feet.

You look awful.” Bifur grunted, making his One chuckle before knocking his head lightly against his.

And you look gorgeous.” Bilbo purred, winking at his now blushing husband who began to nuzzle his neck once in the hobbit’s embrace again.



The lovey-dovey moment was broken by Thorin and was met by a scowling Bifur (which was terrifying) and an amused Bilbo. The King visibly gathered his courage despite the death glare on him, “Bilbo Baggins, you are never allowed to leave this mountain without your husband by your side. Mahal help us if this ever occurs again.” He declared.

Bilbo only nodded in acceptance.

“Good.” Thorin beamed, clapping his hands as he stood. “Everyone but Bilbo and Bifur, let’s get this room cleaned up.”

Bilbo paused half-way through the door (having been dragged by an already horny dwarf), “Are you sure you don’t need any more help?”

“NO!” The entire company yelled at once, startling Bilbo at the vehement response.

“Ye go and enjoy yourselves, Cousin.” Bofur amended, waving his hand in a shooing motion.

“Yes, take a whole week off.” Thorin added hastily. “We’ll get food sent to you.”

“Alright then,” Bilbo replied, eyeing them strangely before turning to Bifur who was insistently tugging forward on his hand. “Looks like we have a whole week to ourselves.” He said to his mate, letting Bifur lean on him. “What do you want to do?”

Bifur’s echoed response from down the hall as the two walked on had the entire company grimace.