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AMNESIO-HOMOSEXUAL RELATIONS: A STORY OF REMEMBRANCE

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T-REX: You know what I was just reminded of? Utahraptor's as-yet-unproven allegation that we had a homosexual affair when we were roommates.

I still can't believe I could have forgotten an entire relationship. With my best friend, too! It's like, what next? I'll remember the time I WENT TO GEORGIA? (I have not been to Georgia insofar as I am aware.)

DROMICEIOMIMUS: I thought you were just pretending it never happened so things wouldn't be awkward, but then they were anyway.

T-REX: WERE THEY? Man!

UTAHRAPTOR: Pretty much, yeah.

T-REX: How do I block out events like this? I expect to forget stuff like what I had for breakfast, not ill-fated affairs of the heart.

THE DEVIL: I HAD PANCAKES FOR BREAKFAST T-REX

THEY WERE INTENSELY FLAVOURFUL AND SATISFYING

T-REX: I was just using breakfast as an example of something insignificant, the devil. For someone as into gaming as you are I'd think you'd be better at following the storyline!

THE DEVIL: THERE WERE BLUEBERRIES

T-REX: Seriously, this isn't relevant.

THE DEVIL: OR IS IT

NARRATOR: NO


T-REX: Now that it's come back up again, this is driving me crazy.

NARRATOR: SO FIGURATIVELY CRAZY

T-REX: Are my friends just lying to mess with me?

Dromiceiomimus is probably secretly in love with me. That would explain her colluding with Utahraptor to make me question my platonic feelings for them both.

A plot!

UTAHRAPTOR: Your eagerness to explain away your personal history by ascribing our words to harebrained trickery is embarrassing to us all, as well as insulting to me and the feelings I may still harbour.

GOD: OH SNAP T-REX

T-REX: God, now I feel awful! And I still don't remember any of it. I - I guess you'd know, though?

GOD: YEAH DUDE YOU TOTALLY GAYED IT UP WITH UTAHRAPTOR THAT ONE TIME

I WATCHED

T-REX: Hey!


T-REX: I guess what's weird about this is that I've always been pretty confident that I am straight. I—I guess I wanted to experiment?

NARRATOR: EXPERIMENTING WITH YOUR SEXUALITY: yeah it's a thing

T-REX: I do enjoy smooching the ladies! But — I suppose it would be natural to wonder if I might also be into smooching the gents? Provided they had shaved their chins, of course.

DROMICEIOMIMUS: You might not be aware, T-Rex, that casual attitudes towards experimentation is often regarded as a problem within the LGBT community. Besides the continuing difficulty in establishing bisexuality as a valid orientation rather than indecision or so-called "sluttiness," partially because of those who claim their bisexuality was only a phase, some feel that those who call themselves "bicurious" or claim to be "experimenting" are behaving selfishly and inevitably hurt those with whom they experiment. Nobody wants to be a test subject, especially if the foregone conclusion is that you're really straight after all, or too scared to face that part of yourself in any meaningful way.

T-REX: Well, tough nuggets! Experiments are the backbone of science, and science is knowledge, and knowledge is sexy.

UTAHRAPTOR: I recognize the validity of self-exploration, but you're not actually going to try to claim a torrid affair that you don't even remember was done in the name of science, are you?

T-REX: Oh, so now it was torrid, was it?

UTAHRAPTOR: ...

T-REX: I'm not, okay, geez!

RACCOONS & CEPHALOPODS: THERE ARE SOME EXPERIMENTS T-REX THAT WE WOULD LIKE TO DO

IN THE NAME OF "SCIENCE" IF YOU WILL

HEE HEE

T-REX: !!!!!


T-REX: Well, I still don't remember the affair, but I've been given a lot to think about today!

DROMICEIOMIMUS: T-Rex, I'm really worried you're about to try to sum up the entirety of queer theory in a couple of sentences involving the phrase "totally sweet" and ending with a sincere yet glib dismissal of the whole issue.

T-REX: Please, Dromiceiomimus!

Paradigms of sexual identity vary from culture to culture, and within those cultures manifest fluidly within individuals. But, tragically, not always fluidly enough? [Here is where T-Rex would have given an erudite speech that I never wrote, possibly because I am not erudite in the slightest.]

UTAHRAPTOR: Wow, you didn't even call the Kinsey scale "hella bitchin'."

T-REX: (thought bubble) Dammit, that would have been totally sweet!