https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXqPNlng6uI The End, by The Doors.
I lay breathing heavy, body forward on the sand, head turned, facing you. The smell of blood, fresh life spilling forth from both of us. You’re asleep, the end, that’s the end of it all. Right? Is it true? “I hate you.” I finally admit, but you can’t hear it. Well… At least I said it, instead of denying myself that right to actually hate something or someone other than myself.
The end. This is the end, my friend, It has to be, right? The sky is cherry pink, swirling clouds have yet to disperse.
Your panting is heavy, strained breaths wheeze as your lungs fill slowly with blood and fluids. Still, you have yet to have become desensitized to bullet wounds like I have. I drag my body, heavy and tired as it is, as close to you as possible. It’s like looking in a mirror, almost. Your skin is a little paler, hair lighter, eyes bluer, but because your mole is on the opposite side, it’s a mirror’s reflection.
My hands is heavy and colder than it was only moments ago. It had been hot, stinging like fire and from gun shot after gunshot, but now… almost as cold as yours. Sand sticks to it. I whisper "We need to talk now" near your ear, while I gently stroke your cheek. I pull closer still, circling my arm around your head, breathing in the scent of your hair. It’s like peaches, even now, as I’m smelling of gunsmoke and dirt, grease and blood. So much blood. Metallic.
You turn your head, hardly able to open your pale blue eyes but you manage, even as the soft colour from your skin leaves you. “I heard that, dear brother.” you state weakly, with a slight curl to your lips, referring to my admission of loathing for you. Only for you.
I rest my forehead against your cheek, smearing my grime on your sweaty, but otherwise perfect skin. “My twin, my other half, my dear brother.” My voice trembles. “How could you?”
“You know why.” You state.
“Even for you, that was …. “
“Cruel?” You whisper, knowing what it is I am referring to. “They would have corrupted her.” You explain, but does it matter now? Now it’s all over.
“You don’t know that.”
“Then you would have.”
“She was…” A baby.... she was only a baby. She was one of us. I burst into tears, sobbing as much as she might have. You ... I heard from our sisters what you did. I weep with what little energy I have left.
“Innocent, and so she remains so, unlike us.” You are repeating words needlessly, your grammar never faltered before. You are growing tired, aren't you? So am I.
You know... But... what's done is done, right? That was then, this is now. You have your regrets... right?
I have nothing to respond with. There’s no strength. What’s done is done, and it’s settled now.
And then it hits,one final push from the beating organs in our chests. They aren't different at all. like a flash flood, swelling a canyon from the rare monsoons, which would calm down once the rain stops. Now our hearts slow, our breathing shallows. Our feuding took several million lives, and I pray it means something and is not wasted. You do too. “This is the end, beautiful Twin…” I whimper, my voice tight with a lifetime's worth of emotions. I let it go… I have to, as do you.
The look in your eyes is of a moment’s worth of surprise, the last time.
When was the last time I said that to you?
“This is the end, dear Brother.” You reply. “Tell me of your morning.” really though, it didn’t matter which morning, after the lifetime long enough for three men, every morning was the same. It's a distraction to keep from from wasting too soon. It works.
“You know,” I say as though I hadn’t thought about it in ages, calming my weakening pulse, my once bright and sometimes irritating voice a whisper, “I woke before dawn, I put on my boots, and shaved my face. I walked down the hall and whispered to Millie that she is sweet. I left a note reading that I would say hello to the Priest and kissed her lips.” The priest... I miss him, dear God do I miss him. I loved him, I really, truly, would have spent everything I could to be by his side... he spent it all on me instead. I shouldn't have urged him to change. I would ask if you loved Legato, but I know the answer to that, and your pride was your weakness.
knowing truly I am a killer, and that I couldn't leave you alone again. I kiss your cheek. “I walked to Meryl’s room, and told Meryl not to worry. I left her a note saying there would be no need to look for me anymore. I kissed her lips.” If I had woken her.... I wouldn't have been ale to leave her behind, If I couldn't do that, then this war would never end. "She tasted like Violets." I remark. "I bet she did." Your sarcasm gave way to humor. "I probably would have tasted like doughnuts, but that morning I had vodka and cigarettes. Nick's cigarettes... Don't tell him."
" I Won't." You promise. This one will be easy to keep. You kiss the ridge of my eyebrow, grimy with sand, blood and sweat. For once, you chuckle instead of sneer. ”With your penmanship, I doubt they’ll be able to read it. I bet it was written with crayon.”
“Purple.” I smile, my lips stretching across your chin.
“Go figure.” Your eyes roll back for a brief second before you focus a blurry vision back into the sky.
“despite how hard I tried to be her living vessel. It was impossible. How did she do it?”
“I’ll tell you again, my dear brother, she was a fool.”
“They all compared me to Christ…” I confess.
“How could they not? Our sisters did as well.” You coarsely whisper, your tone warmer than it had been since we were children, but as know-it-all as ever. You know better."You enjoyed it though, admit it, why hide now?" You ask, out of sheer curiosity.
“I know…I did...” I chuckle hoarsely. I breathe one of my few remaining ones over your soft lips, resting my forehead there as I weep.
You go to lift your arm, to comfort me, but the weight is too much now. I reach down, gently laying your hand upon my cheek. You run the pad of your thumb across the tears, I can't feel them, and neither can you, but you can feel my cheek and I can feel your skin. It’s impossibly soft for someone on this planet. You were able to hide and take care of yourself, well… kind of. I had to run and hide.
“How did you get here?” you ask to distract me and you as well from the impending unknown.
“A blue bus… It took me to Golden Sands. I met a magic man, I ate a blue rock, he told me of our fate and that this would be the end. I laughed, but I knew. He led me to a sand-worm colony. Wwe made love. and then that night I went west… He said west was best... He knew danger was on the edge of town and ...”
“And he wasn't wrong, was he?.” Your eyes roll back again sarcastically. They don’t open this time but you are still here holding out till my body catches up with yours.
“It was seven iles long. The worm, his skin was cold and he told me he was old, older than us. It took what it called the Queens Highway." My breaths are short now, "Under the ancient lake bed." I gasp. "There was an old gold mine," And again. "do you think there was life here before us?” I can't tell what’s real or a story anymore.
“I’m sure it was…I’m sure there was, my idiot brother, my only friend.” You say with humility and warmth, a softness I haven't heard from you since we were young.
I know you are thinking I was high, which I was, but you know the secrets of the insects as well as I. You know it’s no lie. But I had been no friend to you, and nor you to me.
"friends from now on." I agree. There would be no time to argue. It would be easy now. Tears leak from my eyes, but I can't feel them anymore. I still my ancient fear, the fear of all life, your fear, Her fear. “My only friend.” I whisper. But you know, as well as I, I have had many friends, some of which still live. But for you, here, now.... I accept you as my world.
“Shhh.” You hush me, not eager for the unknown.
Calm and quiet, once more, where the hate resided, love melted it away and filled the hole, taking its rightful place.
*My elaborate plans, everything that stands…* your voice weak, words are thoughts now.
*No safety or surprise…* Mine are too. I whisper back, knowing you inside and out, as you know me, neither of us will look into the other’s eyes again. It’s terrifying.
*Dear brother, Can you picture what will be? Eden... Limitless and free…*
My lids sink. Yours have been shut for awhile I think.
I grow weaker, weaker still, following suit with you. *Limitless and free* I repeat, searching desperately for your hand, and yours in need of mine, I squeeze, but it’s numb.You hear me but you reserve your strength. It won’t be long now, my twin. *I love you.*
*I know. I love you....*
Each half holding the other, the ancestor’s soul split in half, born together, not able to leave without the other...So close now.
A few more breaths… I close my eyes. We were insane children, born from a split in the shadows of her experiments, her death. One half to protect the other. Take care of the other she said, her words repeated by The Lady Christ, who burned up like a shooting star.
This is the end of laughter, my lovely half.
This is the end of nights we tried to die, my sweet half.
You’ll never follow me,
You'll die… Both of you. Your bodies still, your soul’s leave and intertwine. They become my soul. My life and love are reborn. From your remains, I will rise. My garden will sprout from the egg, the summer rains will come.
We were lost in deep space. The future was stolen from humanity. Just enough to keep them going another day. It hurts to set you free now, my dear sons. Dear brothers, for you have become me. My dear Father’s, I have become Eden
This is the end, my beautiful friend.
This is the end, my only friend.