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A Moment of Peace

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Internally she curses herself for coming to him.

 

What did she expect really? She should have known they would find themselves in a fight once more. So why did she come? She’s tired of fighting, she’s almost physically exhausted from it. Yet her pride and her stubbornness push another nasty remark out of her lips, another insult straight to his face. But each time with less strength, with less honesty, while that selfish voice in her head keeps whispering ‘hold me, kiss me, take me, love me’ each time louder and louder. Why did she come? She’s losing control and she only has herself to blame.

 

She could always leave, she could return back to her friends sleeping quietly in that ugly house, she could go back to Mal, yet she fails to find the strength to walk away, to make the right choice, to follow her mind. She wants to stay there, she longs to be by his side, she just wishes they weren’t fighting, she just wishes for peace.

 

Peace, a funny thing that is. Because she convinced herself that this would come with ending him once and for all, even if she needed to end herself along with him. It made perfect sense in her mind and even though every time she thought about it her heart stopped, she overlooked it. Getting closer to the day though her treacherous heart seems to victor over her mind. How can she find peace in a world without him, in a world where she can’t reach him whenever she feels like it? That’s the truth she’s been hiding even from herself. That’s the reason she came to him even if she knew they would fight once more. She prefers seeing him under the wrong circumstances than not seeing him at all. That’s the reason she came here, that’s the reason she stays. Tomorrow she’s meant to fight him, but she’s so tired of fighting.

 

For a while, she doesn’t speak, she lets him tell her, she lets him argue with her, all her remarks caught in her throat, lost on the fuzz of her mind. He has many things to say and she lets him, shoulders shagging, a sigh on her lips and then another and then another. She doesn’t want this anymore.

 

She watches him walk closer to her, she feels him cupping her cheek harshly, and she allows herself to get lost in his storm grey eyes. For the first time after a few minutes she actually pays attention to what he says.

 

“I told you before Alina, I’m going to destroy everything that you love.” She’s tired of fighting, but is she tired of fighting him or herself? She’s not sure. But she knows that there’s only one way to stop both.

 

A pause, a breath, a moment and then she meets his eyes with a certainty, a fire strong and eternal.

  

“But I love you.” She watches his anger melt away, she feels his touch turning tender for one moment, one blissful moment of peace that is enough to make her insides melt, until she hears his chuckle, bitter and a dagger in her heart.

 

“What kind of game is this Alina?” he tries to pull his hand away but hers cups it, keeping it there on her cheek as she shakes her head.

 

“No game, for once I offer you and myself the truth.”

 

“Stop it-” she sighs, her hands cupping his cheeks, her thumb stroking softly.

 

“Aleksander” his eyes open widely as he freezes. She has never used his name since that night he shared it, afraid of the intimacy, afraid of the way it made her feel, being so personal with him. “I’m not lying, I’m not playing a game. I’m just tired. I can fight a war, maybe I can even fight you but this?” one of her hands grab his, taking it to her heart and holding it there. “I can’t fight this anymore. I love you, trust me I hate it but I do. You don’t believe me and you want me to leave? I will leave, it won’t change how I feel. You believe me and you want me to stay? Please stop talking and kiss me.” Still frozen, his eyes look deeply into hers as if he’s trying to read her.

 

 

A moment passes, then another and another, with each passing second her heard drops, lower each time. She bites her lip, gulps, her heart heavy as a rock, her stomach tight as a sailor’s knot as she nods. She takes one step back, ready to leave, ready to face the reality of the day that will follow, but his grip on her head tightens, his other hand traveling to her waist, grabbing tight, keeping her close. Her power is wildly responsive to his touch, her heart even more, beating itself to death. She searches for his eyes, she finds them looking at her lips. Her breath gets caught in her throat as he leans closer, she’s excited, she’s afraid, she’s a bit guilty, mostly she’s responsive, because she feels herself leaning in without even realizing it. Their lips are inches apart, she feels his breath against them, but what amazes her most is his eyes, open, wide, sincere, he has never looked at her that way, no one has.

 

“My Alina.” He whispers before he finally crushes his lips to hers. There’s hunger, there’s tenderness, there’s everything but most importantly there’s the one thing she longed for the most. Peace, there in his arms, lost in his kiss, she finally finds peace. She hums at the sensation, giving him the chance to claim her mouth with his tongue, his grip on her waist tightens to the point it can bruise. Does he want her that much? Is he scared she will change her mind and leave? She doesn’t know, she doesn’t care, all she cares about is his lips and his touch and the way her body feels against hers. She decides to hold him with equal passion, to show him she want him too, to show him she’s not going anywhere.

 

His kiss grows hungrier, desperate, she has a pretty good idea where this is going, she hopes she’s right. A fire burns inside her, consuming her, starting from where their lips are connected, and traveling all the way between her thighs, melting her insides on its path. Her fingers tangle in the night sky black of his hair, pulling slightly, pulling along a growl from the back of his throat, she almost shines with pride.

 

His lips travel to her throat, kissing, sucking, nipping, making her head spin and a small moan to leave her lips. Her skin burns where his lips touch her and her breath hitches when he finds a sweet spot just above her pulse point that makes her toes curl. She feels his smirk against her skin, victorious as if he found some kind of a hidden treasure and he stays there for quite a while, drawing needy sounds from her lips. She’s very glad he has already given her his name, because she moans it many times. The thought makes her chuckle. He pulls back, a devilish grin on his lips, his eyebrows raised, she almost forgets what she was laughing about in the first place.

 

“What’s so funny?” his hands roam her sides, making it difficult for her to focus on anything but his touch.

 

“Thank you for telling me your name because how ridiculous would it be if I just moaned ‘oh yes darkling’.” It takes a moment where he looks at her as if he doesn’t believe she actually said that, but then he throws his head back as he erupts in loud laughter, it fills the room, it warms her heart, it’s one of those rare moment that she treasures, where it feels like he’s just a boy and she’s just a girl, young, carefree and driven by desire.

 

She drowns in his laughter, but her eyes linger on his neck, exposed with his head thrown back and irresistible. Nervous and excited she takes the initiative this time, hesitantly giving a kiss on his skin there, turning one of his giggles to a moan. Again she finds herself blooming with pride and with more confidence she nips the skin again, hoping to hear the same sound.

 

“Careful Alina, you’re playing a dangerous game here.” His voice is an octave lower and it sends shivers down her spine, shivers of anticipation. Her answer is to trail a path of kisses from his neck to the shell of his ear, his fingers tangle in her moonlight hair, sounds of pleasure leaving his lips. She feels the evidence of his desire, hard and big where she presses against him. It fills her with anticipation and raw need. She wants him and she says so to him, her voice just above a whisper, her breath hot against his neck. He’s more than happy to comply, hands tugging at her shirt, head hanging on her shoulder, lips setting her skin on fire with small kisses.

 

He pulls back only when her shirt is off and she’s bare for his eyes to feast on her and they do. His eyes hungry, hungry for more, hungry for her. She blushes, a part of her wants to hide in shame, a part of her glows for she has never felt more wanted, more beautiful than she feels in this moment under his gaze.

 

“So beautiful and all mine.” In a moment his lips are on her breast, sucking on her nipple with a need beyond her imagination, his hand cupping her other breast. She mewls, she whimpers, chest arching towards his mouth, hands gripping on his head to keep him close although she thinks he’s more than content to keep going. Wetness pools between her thighs with each suck of his lips, each twirl of his tongue, it’s divine, she wants more, she wants it all. She gasps when his fingers hook the waistband of his trousers, a promise that all the things she wants is soon to follow.

 

He strips her bare for him, feeling exposed and embarrassment, for a moment she covers herself with her hand but he shakes his head.

 

“None of that Alinochka, let me see you.” With a nervous chuckle she lets her hand drop, his eyes roam over her, her body heating up under his gaze.

 

“It’s quite unfair you know.” Her fingers trebling go to the clasps of his black kefta. “I am bare and you have all your clothes on.” He nods as she starts opening his kefta, which soon pools to the floor. She admires his body for a moment, lean and strong and all hers, her breath gets caught in her throat. She reaches for his trousers but she doesn’t manage to even undo them before he picks her up and sets her on the table of his room. She expected the bed, not that she really cares at this point all she wants is to feel him, to be driven to oblivion with him. Table, bed, floor, wherever, as long as it happens. He parts her legs with his hand but much to her surprise he doesn’t step between them, instead he kneels. His lips leaving kisses to her inner thigh.

 

“What are you doing?” He looks up, the devilish smirk back on his lips, his eyes a shade darker.

 

“Praying.” With that and without breaking the eye contact, his mouth curls around that little bundle of everything, she doesn’t even recognize her voice when she cries out from pleasure, she feels a bit embarrassed at the way her hips buck against his face. But he simply chuckles, so close to her center that she can feel the vibrations of it and it sends a jolt of pleasure and power in her body. “So responsive.” A finger finds her entrance gathering the slickness of her desire. “So wet and all mine.”

 

With his eyes glued to her, he sucks again and she’s unable to stop her hands from falling to his hair, she’s unable to stop her thighs from closing around his head, anything to keep him there, because if he stops she thinks she will die. It’s dirty, the way he looks at her with his mouth pressed against her more private parts, it’s sinful that his eyes never leave hers and it’s even more sinful that she enjoys it even more that way. So much for a Saint. She can’t bring herself to care, not with the way his mouth works on her, not when his fingers find her folds caressing softly, not when he steadily and surely drives her to the edge she longs to fall over.

 

When his finger enter her she makes a sound that is barely human. She speaks but she’s certain she has forgotten all words except ‘please’, ‘don’t stop’, ‘more’ and ‘Aleksander’. She’s thankful that only he can hear her and see her through their bond because she’s loud, she’s screaming and if she truly was there physically she would give everyone a pretty good idea on what is happening in their ruler’s chambers.

 

When her orgasm comes she sees stars, she screams his name, she feels like she’s flying and she feels she wants more. All of him, to drown in him, to lose herself with him inside her, to damn it all and just care about him, to forget it all and just remember his name.

 

He preps her skin with light kisses, whispering words of praise as she comes down from her high. He rises on his feet to kiss her again. She’s not done and she wants him to know that. So hesitantly her hand travels to the bulge in his trousers, cupping him softly through the fabric. He hisses, his breathing quickens as she starts rubbing her hand softly.

 

“Alina.” She doesn’t understand if it’s a warning or a plea but it doesn’t stop her from driving her hand inside his pants.

 

“I want you. Here. Now.” He’s erratic to takes his pants off, she’s glad, she doesn’t think she can wait a moment longer. When he steps between her legs he kisses her breathless, bodies pressed all bare now, she feels every inch of him, she prays she’ll never stop feeling him.

 

She gasps when he enters her, stretching her open, filling her perfectly. His forehead rested against hers, his hands gripping her waist tightly, her legs around his waist, her nails digging on his back. It’s perfect, it’s everything she needs and as selfish as that is she thinks she can’t give that up. The pace he sets is punishing, bruising, a perfect mix of pain and pleasure driving her insane in the most beautiful ways.

 

“So good for me, so welcoming, so tight.” A deep moan falls from her lips and he chuckles. “You like it that way don’t you Alinochka? You like how hard it is, how filthy it is, how wrong it is.” And yet so right, she thinks. And so real. He told her before, as he was kissing her neck on another one of her visits, ‘it’s not real, let me’. She hadn’t then, but it felt real enough to her now as she was moaning his name and he asked her to do it again, as he was thrusting fast and deep inside her, as she was clenching around him, it felt more real than anything she had ever felt in her life and for once she couldn’t care less for the consequences. If he always fucked her as good as he did now let everything else be damned. “Answer me.” She struggles to even remember what the question was but she nods as she digs her nails deeper into his back when he hits a spot inside her that makes her toes curl. “Use your words, I want to hear you.”

 

“Yes, Aleksander please.” It’s breathless, it’s just above a whisper, it’s all she can manage with the way he makes her feel, all her focus on how wonderful he feels inside her. Her breath is erratic as she gets closer and closer to that high she experienced before, that high only he can give her, her equal, her match. Maybe it was always supposed to be that way.

 

She cries out when he hits that spot again, her eyes closing and her heels digging in his waist, her cunt clenching around him. One of his hands travel to her head tilting it back.

 

“Look at me.” When she doesn’t comply his grip hardens. “At me.” Familiar words, he’s spoken again to her under different circumstances, she can’t remember when or why, she can’t remember her own name, she seems perfectly capable of remembering his though as she moans it. Her eyes open meeting his, they’re almost black from lust and they take her breath away. “I want to see you when you cum, I want you to look at me and only me.” She nods. She will do anything, as long as he doesn’t stop.

 

He’s close, she can feel it from the way his thrusts become erratic, lose rhythm, yet he seems to never miss the spot that drives her insane with need.

 

Until she falls over the edge, looking at him in the eyes as she promised, her back arching and screaming his name. And he soon follows her, spilling inside her as he keeps chanting her name like an old prayer. She watches him, trying to keep herself focused for one more moment because she thinks he has never been more beautiful than he is in this one.

 

He waits until he hears her breath become somewhat even before her slips from inside her. His lips find her temple, and leave a small kiss, as he sighs blissfully, maybe even happy. He picks her in his arms and takes her to the bed, the tenderness of his touch making her heart squeeze, maybe she can allow herself to have that. Maybe she can be selfish for once and choose him, choose this, choose them over anything else. He takes her in his arms, she’s lost in a state of heaven she can’t even describe.

 

“I love you too, I didn’t say that before.” She leaves a kiss on his bare chest, nuzzling her face in it and she feels his arms tighten around her. She has to go back, she has to think about what this meant, she has to make a decision about what will happen tomorrow. She will but for one moment, she can allow it to herself, to stay lost in this bliss that only he can give her.