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don't try saving me

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For a group of people that should have been good at keeping secrets, sometimes it astounded Amy how truly bad at it they really were. Closed door meetings in Jenny's office with everyone but her, emails that she knew she was being left out of, looks at the coffee maker that were clearly not intended for her. Amy might not have been the smartest member of D177, but she wasn't stupid.

She could also read a calendar, and it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what they weren't talking to her about. It had been almost a year since she almost drowned off Cavador Key, and that meant that it was almost time for the annual Rose & Grave pilgrimage to the island.

Clearly no one thought this was something she should have to worry her pretty little head about. Screw that.

Amy barged into Jenny's office without bothering to knock. "I want to go with," she announced, folding her arms over her chest and adopting her best 'I mean business' look. From the lack of guilty looks on Jenny, Harun and Clarissa's faces, it clearly wasn't as effective as she wanted it to be.

"Go where, honey?" Clarissa asked, all indulgence, but she didn't fool Amy for a second.

"Don't pretend like you haven't all been planning to visit Cavador Key without me."

"Amy," Jenny started, but Amy cut her off with a look. Maybe not the best thing to do to your boss, but just this once Amy figured she was in the right.

"No," she said, shaking her head. "I'm sorry. I love you guys for trying to protect me, but you don't get to make this decision for me."

Now the three of them traded guilty looks.

"Amy," Jenny said again, and this time Amy let her finish. "We weren't the ones that did."

Amy stared at them, stunned. That had not been the answer she was expecting. But if they weren't the ones responsible that left only one person in her life that was high handed enough to make that kind of decision for her.

"I'll kill him," she said.

She spun on her heel and headed for the door. Jamie would pay for this. He would pay dearly for this.

"So we'll see you in a of couple days?" Clarissa called after her, and Amy answered with a curt nod of her head, not even bothering to break her stride.

She had a train to catch.

*

Jamie wasn't home yet when Amy got to his apartment, so she let herself in with the key he have her when she first moved to New York. She dropped her bag on the floor and went over to Reepicheep's cage to say hello. She really was absurdly fond of that mouse. Maybe because the mouse never lied to her. Maybe because the mouse trusted her to make decisions for herself. Maybe because --

"Amy?"

And maybe she'd been so caught up in being pissed she hadn't even heard the door open. She turned to face her very surprised boyfriend. "Hi."

"What are you doing here?" he asked, dumping his bag next to hers and crossing the room in two quick steps to kiss her hello. It was only through masterful self-control that she didn't kiss him back, and Jamie drew back with two frown lines down the middle of his forehead. "Okay, what's wrong?"

She shrugged out of his embrace and sat on the arm of his futon. She stared at the bookshelf behind him instead of looking at his face. "What makes you think something's wrong?"

"Well," Jamie said, starting to tick off items on his fingers, "you're here without me knowing you were coming. You're stiff as a board when I try to kiss you, and you won't look at me. Those things usually add up to something being wrong."

"You think you're so smart, don't you? Always with the quick answer, always knowing what's best for people."

"Ah," said Jamie. "That explains it, then."

"That explains what then?" Amy demanded. She wasn't going to say it. He was going to admit it. She deserved that.

"You're mad that I talked to your friends about you behind your back. That I asked them to leave you out of whatever they were planning for Cavador Key. That I was worried about what going back to that place would do to you. Would do to me." He paused, letting the words hang in the air between them. "Am I wrong?"

"No," Amy grumbled, but she felt some of the righteous indignation seep out of her. Just because he was totally in the wrong didn't mean he hadn't been trying to put her best interests first. It was just a really shitty way to go about it. "I wish you hadn't."

Jamie sighed, and crossed over to sit on the futon. He pulled her down off the arm so that she was sitting in his lap, and Amy let his arms go around her. He leaned his head against her shoulder. "I'm sorry," he said, and Amy could feel the sincerity radiating off him. "I just didn't want you to feel like you were being pressured into going back there."

"I sort of figured," she said, wrapping her arms around his back. "Once I got past the blind, raging anger part anyway."

"I'm glad I missed that," he said, tipping his head back to look up at her.

"Oh, you should be," she said. "I'd planned at least five different deaths for you by the time I got to Penn Station. Maybe it was six."

"Very glad I missed it." Jamie kissed the spot where her neck met her shoulder, and a shiver went down her spine. "Am I forgiven?"

"Under one condition."

"Name it."

Amy took a deep breath. She didn't know what she'd say if he said no. "Come there with me."

"Come where --" Jamie broke off as a look of horror dawned on his face. He shook his head. "No. No. Amy, it's a terrible idea. Why would you want to --"

"I don't want to go back," she interrupted him. "I need to go back. I need for that to not be something that Darren took from me. I need to remember the good memories I have there without the rest of it hanging over them. And I need you to go with me while I do it. I don't know if I can do it without you."

Jamie stared at her, in silence, for what felt like forever. "That's not fair," he said finally.

Amy nodded. "I know."

He looked away. She could see the muscles in his neck tightening, the tension in his jaw. She hated this. She hated what Darren had done to her more.

When he faced her again, his answer was written all over his face. "When do we leave?" he asked.

Amy kissed him instead of answering. From the way he kissed her back, Jamie didn't seem to mind all that much.

*

When they made it safely to the island -- without any unfortunate tumbles overboard this time -- Jamie took her hand in his and asked, "What did you want to do first?"

Amy rose up on her tip toes to whisper in his ear. "Well, I was really thinking I could use a shower..."