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Language:
English
Series:
Part 2 of Fly Little Robin, Fly
Collections:
batman fics that i love so much, Suicidal Tim Drake
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Published:
2021-04-04
Completed:
2021-08-05
Words:
10,134
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5/5
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206
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2,045
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I can see my reflection from the tears in your eyes

Summary:

When Jason got a phone call from Bruce at 4 in the fucking morning, he was pissed. But when Bruce told him about the letters, Jason threw the covers off, and went straight to his bookshelf. He found the letter between the last book of The Hobbit and first of the Lord of the Rings. He ripped it open, and almost cried.

OR

Jason's POV of what happened during Fly Little Robin, Fly
(You don't need to read it but i suggest you do!)

Notes:

CW/TW
Referenced Suicide/Attempted Suicide

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: His Robin

Chapter Text

When Jason got a phone call from Bruce at 4 in the fucking morning, he was pissed. He’d just come back from patrol an hour ago, and all he wanted to do was sleep. He wanted to have a lazy day, for once, waking up sometime in the afternoon, reread Pride and Prejudice (maybe watch the 2005 film adaptation), make something to eat, then go out on patrol. Maybe take a walk and go for some ice cream. 

 

But when Bruce told him about the letters, Jason threw the covers off, and when straight to his bookshelf. He found the letter between the last book of The Hobbit and first of the Lord of the Rings. He ripped it open, and almost cried. 

 

Dear Jay,

I don’t know why I’m writing this to you. I think it’s so I have some closure and I’m sorry for that, but considering that I should be dead when you read this, I think you’ll cut me some slack for being selfish. 

You were my Robin, Jay. 

Dick may have been the first Robin and the reason I figured out everyone’s identities, but you were the Robin I looked up to the most. 

Remember that night you saved me from falling down that building? I think after that, I had a little bit of a celebrity crush on you. You were just so cool and free and witty. I wanted nothing more than to be your friend. 

Jay, when you died, I never wanted to replace you. That was never, ever my intention. I tried to get Dick to become Robin again, but he just didn’t listen. So, I had to force myself in. 

Bruce never wanted another Robin after you, but I could see that Batman needed a Robin. Robin was a symbol, someone who could keep Batman from diving into the deep end.

That’s the only reason I became Robin, Jason. 

When you attacked me in the Tower, I was hurt. Physically and emotionally. 

But I get it now. 

I know why you lashed out, and I want you to know that it's fine. I don’t know if you care about this or not, but I needed to tell you that I don’t blame you for everything that happened there. 

I forgive you, Jason. 

I forgave you a while ago. 

I don’t know what you’ll do with this letter. I mean I’d like for you to keep it, but that’s just me being sentimental. You could burn it, for all I know. I’ll be dead. But I hope you know that this wasn’t your fault. None of this is. 

 

Tim

~~~

The words from Tim’s letter kept playing through Jason’s mind in snippets. Guilt made him ride faster through the streets of the Narrows. 

 

I don’t know if you care about this or not... 

I care, Tim.

You were my Robin, Jay.

I never realized...

I wanted nothing more than to be your friend. 

You’re my brother.

You were the Robin I looked up to the most. 

Why would you put so much faith in me?

I forgive you, Jason. 

I forgave you a while ago. 

If only I could forgive myself.

 

The wind pushed his hair back, making his ears and nose freeze. According to Bruce, Tim had written something in Dick’s letter that hinted that he would be jumping. Something about flying again, one last time. 

 

When Jason read the letter, he immediately knew where to go. Sending a quick text to Bruce, letting him know that he’d update them regularly, Jason had set off to the rooftop where second Robin had first met Tim Drake. 

~~~

Jason found Tim just as he was tipping over the ledge. He didn’t waste his breath in screaming for him. He just ran as fast as he could and was just able to grab his arm, before harshly tugging him back. 

 

He watched Tim crawl up in a ball and just stay there. 

 

He quickly walked to the roof entrance, where he dropped his phone. 

 

He debated calling Bruce, but decided not to. 

 

The small Tim-ball took priority. 

 

If the situation wasn’t what it currently was, Jason might’ve laughed or chuckled at him mentally calling his brother ‘Tim-ball’, but the sight in front of him was…

 

It just was. 

 

Jason quickly walked over to the little bird and crouched down next to him. He didn’t show any signs of defense or tenseness. He just stayed there, eyes squeezed shut. 

 

Jason realized that he was probably hoping for some goon to come and kill him. That thought made his heart shatter. 

Babybird?” he asked quietly, hoping for any sort of recognition. Anything that would show that Tim was awake and aware of his surroundings. Jason watched Tim’s hands clutch tighter into fists and his jaw clench. 

 

“Timmy, can you open your eyes for me?”

 

To Jason’s horror, Tim choked on a sob. His whole body shuddered as he tried to suppress it. Jason felt hollow inside as the realization that he was part of the reason Tim felt like this, hit him. He had made Tim feel worthless and unloved. It wasn’t his intention- at least not any more- but that didn’t make him less guilty. 

 

“Oh, Babybird come here,” Jason whispered. He could feel the burning in his throat and the tears beginning to form in his eyes as he picked Tim up and put him in his lap. 

 

Not yet ,’ he thought. He could wallow and punch out some drug dealers later when his little brother didn’t desperately need him. 

 

So Jason pet his little brother’s hair, trying to offer any kind of comfort he could, while Tim grabbed on to his jacket. Jason curled himself over the Tim-ball as much as he could so that he could still comb his fingers through Tim’s hair. Jason wasn’t sure how much time passed until Tim had stopped sobbing (a sound Jason felt would haunt his dreams and sneak into his nightmares). It felt like 20 minutes, but honestly, Jason wasn’t keeping track. 

 

The sound of a car driving down the street below them (a street that could’ve had a splattered Timmy on it if he was just a second too late) reminded Jason that the rest of their emotional constipated excuse of a family was still looking for Tim. 

 

Jason moved his hand to touch the comm in his ear (one that he conveniently forgot he had), when Tim let out quiet whine. It was unintentional if the redness of the kids face was any indication, and it caused Jason to freeze. What was he supposed to do in this situation? Dick probably would’ve gone back to petting him, and muttering reassurances, but Jason wasn’t Dick. 

 

Jason forced himself to relax and pressed a small kiss to Tim’s head and made sure the arm around him didn’t move. Tim seemed...fine(?) after that Jason went ahead and touched the comm in his ear. 

 

“I’ve got him, B,” he said quietly. 

 

He felt Tim stiffen. 

 

The comm erupted into noise. 

 

Tim started crying again. Quietly this time. Jason wasn’t sure which was worse- the sobs, or how good Tim was at crying quietly. 

 

Jason wiped away Tim’s tears with the hand he used to turn on his comm. If physical contact made the babybird feel better, then Jason would keep holding him for however long he needed.

 

He waited for the voices to quiet down. 

 

“Where are you?” came Batman’s growl. It was Batman, not Bruce speaking. Bruce must’ve shut out all of his emotions when he found out that another one of his birds left with only some letters left behind. Jason could partially see why he did it but Tim didn’t need Batman. He needed Bruce. He also didn’t need multiple overbearing siblings (*ahem* Dick *ahem*) over crowding him. 

 

“We’ll meet back at the Manor,” he said, before turning off the comms. He trusted Babs (because he had no doubt that she was Babs at the moment, not Oracle) to not give anyone their location. He also trusted the Demon Brat (maybe Jason should find a new name for him) to make sure Dick stopped looking and went to the manor. He also knew that if Batman tried to come find them, Steph, Babs, or Alfred would be able to drag him back to the manor. Steph was annoyingly insistent, Babs was like their all-knowing overlord, and no one disobeyed Alfred, unless they wanted a fate worse than death. No one

 

He felt Tim try to curl up even more and felt a pang in his already hollow chest. Tim was so small, even smaller now that he was curled up in Jason’s lap. He knew Tim could take care of himself (vigilante wise) but he had to wonder- did the kid eat? He knew that Tim was shit at taking care of himself but surely he ate...right? He must’ve been drinking something aside from coffee, right?  

 

Tim nuzzled into his chest slightly, caused Jason to hold onto him tighter. 

 

“I gotcha, Timmy,” he whispered. “I’ve gotcha.”