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Donghyuck meets Jaehyun at a sleazy frat party over a game of beer pong. In search of someone better than Mark to partner up with he asks the guy who has won the three previous rounds if he wants to make a team.

Jaehyun checks him out, looks a little impressed by the bold offer - and takes him up on it. They win another few rounds, until some grad student finally beats them and they’re left a little tipsy, laughing about their defeat in the backyard, guarded under the fairy lights hanging above them.

He kisses Jaehyun there, a daring and unplanned thing, ninety percent the alcohol speaking, ten percent fueled by the way Jaehyun’s eyes keep drifting to his lips when he’s talking.

Maybe Donghyuck has the fractions figured out wrong, maybe it’s a little more the way he really wanted to kiss Jaehyun, because he wakes up with an unfamiliar number saved in his phone under Jaehyun’s name. Jaehyun’s in his second year of college and has calculus all figured out, so he offers to tutor Donghyuck, especially when Donghyuck insists he doesn’t have time to date because he’s failing first year calc.

One of those library sessions Jaehyun kisses him again, this time one hundred percent out of want, no alcohol involved. They kiss until they get kicked out of the library by closing hours, and Jaehyun offers to buy him a late dinner. Over dinner Jaehyun asks him out on a proper date, one that isn’t beer pong at a frat house.

Dating Jaehyun is easy, fun - nothing like the drama Donghyuck’s friends like to cause about it. He picks Donghyuck up from the library after long evenings of cramming, cooks him dinner, helps him study for tests, watches his favourite dramas with him, and Donghyuck goes to Jaehyun’s basketball games, kisses him during halftime, gets Jaehyun his favourite sweets from the local bakery, and drinks Jaehyun’s friends under the table when they go out together.

Suddenly they’re four months down the road, and Donghyuck is convinced it’s all perfect, except it’s been four months and something is aching in its absence: they haven’t slept together.

At first it was new, they were shy - Donghyuck would blush just by Jaehyun’s kisses. Then there were midterms and then Jaehyun had two loud flatmates, and lack of privacy was constantly getting in their way. Not until lately, when they’ve been spending more time together, accidental sleepovers and sometimes planned nights together that somehow never end up in more than kissing, has Donghyuck really been thinking about it. And once he starts thinking about it, he can’t really stop.

Donghyuck’s only a little impatient - thinks he would be a lot more impatient if he wasn’t a virgin, and if what he wanted with Jaehyun wasn’t his first time.

It sucks, because Donghyuck’s heard horror stories over virginity loss, and how it’s awful per default - and he doesn’t really want his first time with Jaehyun to suck. Frankly, he’s an over achiever and a perfectionist, a trait he shares with Jaehyun. Conclusion, their first time cannot suck.

And maybe Donghyuck’s a little ashamed. Coming to college without sexual experience wasn’t exactly how he planned it, but since the opportunity didn’t present itself in high school, that was what he had to live with. He probably wasn’t alone - lots of people unpack their virginity from the boxes they move into their dorm at the beginning of the semester, but it doesn’t comfort him.

He’s taking a wild guess and assuming Jaehyun is not a virgin. He actually knows, because when they first started dating, he heard from a friend of a friend that Jaehyun slept with their roommate. Which means Donghyuck is alone in his inexperience, which makes Jaehyun better than him at something, which is a possibility he doesn’t like to contemplate.

It’s not that he’s scared or saving it up for something really special, it doesn’t really mean much to him - except for the inexperience it comes with, and that is a problem. He doesn’t like to be shy, much less to be given reasons to feel shy.

“Hey Mark. You were a mathlete in high school, right?” Donghyuck’s throwing a balled up piece of paper across the table to get Mark’s attention.

“Yeah, why?” Mark tosses the piece of paper back at him.

“So you didn’t lose your virginity before you went to college?”

“What the fuck?” Mark holds the ball in his hand when Donghyuck returns it this time, frowning as he puts it down on the table.

“I’m asking for a friend.”

“That’s none of your business. Or your friends’.” Mark chews on the end of his pencil, realisation striking over his face. “Wait, you’re a virgin?”

“My friend is, hypothetically.”

“I mean, a lot of people are, even in college. It’s no big deal.”

“See that is something only non-virgins would say.”

“You know mathletes, lots of weekend trips across the country, sharing hotel rooms,” Mark shrugs, like it’s no big deal, like it’s okay that Donghyuck’s loser roommate is more sexually experienced than him. “Just talk to Jaehyun about it. Don’t do that thing where you pretend you’re fine and then panic when you get in way over your head.”

Donghyuck does that thing anyways.



It’s a Friday evening and they’re alone in Jaehyun’s apartment. He doesn’t live on campus, one of his many great qualities, beside the fact that he’s fucking hot, and that Donghyuck fits just perfectly in his lap.

The movie they’re watching is long forgotten. At some point Donghyuck had lost interest in it and instead focused on Jaehyun. With some persuasion (Donghyuck sneaking his hands over Jaehyun’s sides to tickle him, placing shy little kisses against Jaehyun’s neck) Jaehyun had folded his laptop shut, grabbed Donghyuck by the hips and put him right there in Jaehyun’s lap.

“Hey,” Jaehyun says, searching out Donghyuck’s gaze.

“Hi,” Donghyuck returns, awkwardly fiddling with his hands in his lap. He’s not sure why he’s shy - frankly, he’s never shy, and maybe that’s why he feels so bad.

“Do you-” Jaehyun tries, perhaps opting for a conversation.

Donghyuck kisses him instead, soft and familiar, just a kiss like any when Jaehyun kisses him goodnight outside of his dorm after a date. Except they’re doing that in bed, and Donghyuck’s sitting in Jaehyun’s lap, his thighs straining over Jaehyun’s, Jaehyun’s hands holding his waist.

It shouldn’t be worth panicking over. Frankly, Donghyuck doesn’t panic unless it’s over calculus exams. Jaehyun’s just kissing him, a familiar push and pull of their lips, slow like they’re not going anywhere, just content enjoying each other.

Then Jaehyun pulls back, drawing a whine out of Donghyuck, trailing after his lips. “What?”

“Don’t you wanna talk about this?” Jaehyun says, hand dropping down to grab Donghyuck’s.

“Talk?” Donghyuck tries not to sound impatient, but it’s hard when he’s right in Jaehyun’s lap and they could be doing something way more productive. “About what?”

“Well, you seem very nervous,” Jaehyun interlaces their fingers, brushes his thumb over Donghyuck’s hand. “And we haven’t done this before.”

Conveniently the opportunity presents itself to Donghyuck right then and there, the moment to talk to Jaehyun about everything he needs to get off his chest.

Except Jaehyun is looking at him with eyes full of fondness, staring down at Donghyuck, and it’s all a little too much, humiliation getting the best of him. He closes up, forgets anything he wanted to say or what he was scared of.

“I’m not nervous,” Donghyuck, very much nervous, lies. “Just eager.”

Jaehyun smiles at him, all dimpled and soft and Donghyuck’s heart seizes in his chest, eyes slipping shut as he dives forward to kiss Jaehyun again.

He’s thought about this so much, fantasised about what it would be like. First with a blurry faced stranger, and then when he started dating Jaehyun, with Jaehyun. He wonders what it feels like to let someone take off your clothes, strip you bare and lay you out like no ones ever seen you before. He thinks about what Jaehyun would look like too, but in a less romanticised and more cock-hungry way, he thinks about Jaehyun when he’s fingering himself open late at night, thinks about Jaehyun’s hands on him, now small they make him feel and how much he enjoys that. He thinks about how Jaehyun smiles after they kiss, how his eyes always have that mischievous glint that has Donghyuck wanting more.

Maybe that’s why he’s so nervous, because as much as he hates to admit it, he has expectations. Not on Jaehyun, mostly on himself, standards he would like to live up to and suddenly he has no idea how to do that, and it all feels very foreign even if they’re just kissing.

It’s just kissing, Donghyuck tells himself again, as he puts his hands on Jaehyun’s shoulders, draws himself in closer to chase his lips. When Jaehyun’s tongue pushes at the seam of his lips, he reminds himself again that it’s just that, parting his lips as he turns his head into the kiss.

He likes kissing, so he’s not sure why that’s suddenly a big deal to him, why his head is spinning and his heart is racing just by being kissed by him. It’s nothing - he should want more, they’ve done more, and Donghyuck’s not sure why it has him so nervous.

Except the nervousness that prickles under his skin when they kiss is nothing compared to the alarm bells that start ringing in his head when Jaehyun’s hand grazes over his hip, up until he sneaks it under Donghyuck’s shirt.

Suddenly Jaehyun’s hand is curled around his naked hip, keeping him in place but also putting a little pressure on it, letting Donghyuck know that he’s there and he’s all too much.

Touching under clothes is something they haven’t done before, and Donghyuck’s startled by it, not unpleasantly - but shocked enough to pull away.

“Sorry,” he apologises, sitting back up and pulling away from Jaehyun, pushing his hands back down to his lap. “I…”

Jaehyun’s frowning at him when he meets his gaze, and Donghyuck feels so stupid, Mark’s words from a couple days ago echoing in his head. Don’t do that thing where you pretend you’re fine and get in way over your head - except Donghyuck did that thing and now he’s not fine.

“I’m sorry,” he says again, and Jaehyun shakes his head in confusion.

“Why?” He asks, and Donghyuck’s hands are trembling and it’s all so humiliating that he has to get out.

He gets himself out of Jaehyun’s lap, picks up his hoodie and slips it back on, putting his phone back in his pocket. “Sorry. I have to go.”

“Donghyuck-” Jaehyun calls after him, but he’s already out of the apartment, the door falling shut behind him.



Surprisingly Jaehyun does not warrant his spontaneous walk-out worthy of a conversation. He receives a text message on the way home, asking if he’s okay, and he responds to it saying he just remembered he had a deadline for an essay.

Next Friday Donghyuck attends Jaehyun’s game with his friends. It’s a long two hours, but it’s worth it when they take home victory in the end, and Donghyuck cheers loudly - for Jaehyun of course, he couldn’t care less about basketball if it weren’t for him.

He waits with his friends (who are actually interested in basketball, and the after party) for the players to finish their post-game routines. There’s an after party that everyone’s going on about, some poor dorm getting trashed to celebrate the team’s win.

Donghyuck has very little interest in waiting around for it, eagerly glancing back and forth at the locker rooms, waiting for the team to come out. He hasn’t seen Jaehyun in a couple days because mid-terms have been kicking his ass, and he doesn’t have a lot of school spirit - he just wants to see Jaehyun.

When they do finally come out, Donghyuck all but runs up to him, throwing his arms around Jaehyun’s neck and hugging him tightly. Jaehyun’s arms come to his waist, lift him from the ground and spin him out, hugging him close.

As soon as Donghyuck’s feet are back on the ground, he searches out Jaehyun’s lips, kissing him urgently. It’s been days since he got to do this, and it shows in how eagerly he kisses Jaehyun, trying to make up for lost time. Jaehyun’s just as enthusiastic about it, still high on winning the game, grinning against Donghyuck’s mouth.

Someone’s cat calling when Jaehyun finally pulls back, and Donghyuck looks over his shoulder to see Mark waving at them.

“We’re going for pre drinks at Jungwoo’s place, are you coming?” Mark calls.

Donghyuck looks back at Jaehyun, anticipating his reaction. If Jaehyun wants to go, then they’ll go - it’s his win to celebrate, he gets to decide. Donghyuck wouldn’t mind going back to Jaehyun’s apartment - it should be empty now that his roommates are out celebrating, leaving them just enough privacy for… other celebrations.

Ultimately it’s up to Jaehyun, and Donghyuck tries to read his face for an answer.

“Actually, would you wanna ditch and come back to mine? Johnny and Yuta should be out so...”

Donghyuck can’t help but blush, burying his forehead in Jaehyun’s chest.

“Yes,” he admits, “I really do.”

Jaehyun ruffles his hair when he pulls away, leaning down to press a kiss to his cheek. “Cool.”

Donghyuck’s relieved to see he’s not the only one blushing, the pink on Jaehyun’s cheeks only making him look cuter. He grabs Donghyuck’s hand, holds it as he tells his team that he isn’t coming tonight, and Donghyuck squeezes it as he ignores the suggestive looks they get.

He doesn’t really let go of Jaehyun’s hand until they’re back at his apartment, and he exchanges it for kissing Jaehyun, hands resting on Jaehyun's shoulders to get himself some leverage to lean up on his toes.

They kiss softly, like they’ve got all the time in the world, except Donghyuck doesn’t feel like that, and he starts eagerly pushing Jaehyun back in the direction of his bedroom, discarding his shoes and jacket on the way there.

He carefully eases them down on Jaehyun’s bed, sitting himself down in Jaehyun’s lap again. It’s safe and familiar, allowing him to take a moment to breathe, shyly glancing into Jaehyun’s eyes.

“So,” Jaehyun starts, hands resting gently on Donghyuck’s hips. Donghyuck thinks talking is a bad idea, because he’ll say something embarrassing, probably, so he shuts him up by kissing him again. Jaehyun indulges him for a moment, then pulls away, fingers gently trailing over Donghyuck’s side.

“What?” Donghyuck asks, a little breathless as he looks at Jaehyun.

“So last time we did this you ran out on me,” Jaehyun says. He looks equally as uncomfortable to bring it up, but Donghyuck feels every bit as guilty. He hadn’t expected the whole ordeal to go forgotten, but he also hadn’t considered it might’ve worried Jaehyun.

“Right,” Donghyuck agrees. “Sorry, that won’t happen again.”

“Just talk to me, okay? Don’t run out. We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want it,” Jaehyun offers.

And of course Jaehyun says that. He’s not an ass. Donghyuck’s not in the business of dating assholes, anyways, and he’s a good judge of character. Except now he’s probably being one by not telling Jaehyun the truth about last Friday.

“I’m sorry about last Friday,” Donghyuck mumbles, burying his face in the crook of Jaehyun’s neck. “I didn’t mean to run out on you, I just…”

I’m just an idiot and Mark was right all along. Maybe that last part hurts the most.

“Did you wanna talk about that?” Jaehyun asks, and Donghyuck hears it, but he doesn’t want to. He’s been fearing this conversation for days now, hates that he has to say it - has to explicitly talk to Jaehyun about how inexperienced he is and how stupid desperate it’s making him.

“I haven’t done that before.” Donghyuck mumbles. His face is turning red and he wouldn’t mind it if a sinkhole took them out right now, so he doesn’t have to look Jaehyun in the eyes anymore.

Jaehyun has different ideas, cupping Donghyuck’s jaw to tilt his head, draw his eyes back up.

“You haven’t done what before?” Jaehyun asks again. His voice is gentle, the way he brushes his thumb over Donghyuck’s jaw so tender, Donghyuck feels so stupid for overthinking this.

“Had sex,” Donghyuck clarifies, ready to take on the avalanche of humiliation that’s about to fall on him.

Jaehyun’s face softens. “Oh,” he hums, stroking his hand up and down Donghyuck’s arm comfortingly.

“Sorry,” Donghyuck apologises.

“Don’t be sorry,” Jaehyun chuckles breathlessly. “That’s not something to be sorry for. Let’s do things at your pace-”

Donghyuck sighs, slumping forward into Jaehyun’s arms, burying his head in his shoulder.

“My pace would’ve been like, yesterday,” his voice is muffled by the fabric of Jaehyun’s shirt, and Jaehyun draws him back enough to let him speak again. He hesitates, but finds he doesn’t have much of a choice under Jaehyun’s piercing eyes. “I said my pace would have been yesterday.”

Jaehyun snorts, brushing Donghyuck’s hair away from his face.

“Are you sure?” Jaehyun asks, and he’s nervous too, Donghyuck can tell by the flush on his cheeks. Maybe that makes him feel better.

“Yeah,” Donghyuck agrees, “I want to.”

“Oh,” Jaehyun says, in a tone that’s particularly unreadable. “Now?”

“Do you not want to?” Donghyuck starts to ask, but Jaehyun cuts him off.

“I want to,” Jaehyun agrees with a teasing smile, watching the worry fade from Donghyuck’s face. “Just wish you’d given me a heads up. I would’ve… lit some candles, planned a romantic night. Not one when I still smell like locker room.”

Donghyuck smells him demonstratively. “You smell like campus hand soap.”

Jaehyun chuckles, brushing his hand down Donghyuck’s arm soothingly.

“And I don’t want a romantic night or candles, I want you,” Donghyuck goes on, impatience seeping through his tone. Now that he’s said it and they’ve talked about it, he’s not really sure why they’re still talking.

“Well, it’s my first time with someone I really like too, maybe I want to make it special.”

Donghyuck blushes madly, feeling the heat curl in his belly already. They haven’t even done anything, and he can already feel the anticipation heating him up. Jaehyun’s so him, and Donghyuck likes him so very much - and would like nothing more than to show him that.

“Give me a moment, okay?”

Jaehyun seals the promise with a kiss to Donghyuck’s lips, carefully untangling himself from Donghyuck’s side as he gets off the bed. Donghyuck wants to protest, thinks it's a bad idea to let Jaehyun out of bed, it’s not the direction he wants this to go.

But he’s whined enough already, so he watches Jaehyun, jittery and full of anticipation. Jaehyun gets a lighter out of his jacket and lights a candle on his nightstand under Donghyuck’s judging eyes.

“Seriously?” Donghyuck asks, because he’s so ready, waiting for Jaehyun to light the candles feels like torture - he’s certain he’ll forget about the candle altogether as soon as Jaehyun gets back in bed.

Jaehyun chuckles at his impatience, opening the drawer in his nightstand. He tosses a bottle of lube across the bed, until it lands by the pillow next to Donghyuck’s head, followed by a condom.

“We don’t have to use all of that,” Jaehyun assures when he catches Donghyuck’s eyes following.

He finishes it off by dimming the lights, illuminating his room just enough, the candle casting shadows on the wall. It is better than the fluorescent light, but it’s not like Donghyuck’s going to care about light. On his way back to bed Jaehyun grabs a towel hanging over a chair, throwing it next to the lube and condom.

“Come here,” Jaehyun says, drawing Donghyuck’s thoughts out from the implications of everything Jaehyun just did.

He stretches out alongside Donghyuck, resting his head on the pillow next to him, allowing him to come into his arms. The way Jaehyun’s hand strokes over Donghyuck’s back is comforting, almost like they’re just cuddling before they fall asleep.

“Look at me, Hyuckie.” Donghyuck goes another shade of red at the pet name.

When their eyes finally meet, he feels a rush of anticipation, Jaehyun’s looking at him in a similarly nervous state.

“Promise me you’ll tell me if you’re not comfortable,” Jaehyun urges.

“Yes, fine,” Donghyuck huffs impatiently. Jaehyun still rewards his answer with a kiss, having Donghyuck keening as his hands grab at Jaehyun’s shoulders. The kisses calm him down, take the worse of the edge off before Jaehyun speaks again.

“Tell me what you like,” Jaehyun asks. Donghyuck’s a little breathless, taking a moment to answer. “I mean, let me know what you want, I don’t want to do something you don't want.”

“Um,” Donghyuck starts, biting his lip in apprehension. It’s not easy to voice what he wants, not when Jaehyun is offering.

Jaehyun soothes out his worries with a short distracting peck, giving him some time to think it over.

“Do you want me to b-” Jaehyun starts when they break apart, but Donghyuck’s just found enough confidence to say, “I want you to fuck me.”

Jaehyun’s hands on his shoulders tighten, fingers digging into his skin.

“Oh,” he breathes, hiding his face in Donghyuck’s hair. “Are you sure? It’s easier if you top the first time.”

“You’d let me do that?” Donghyuck asks, because the thought hadn’t really crossed his mind, and now that the idea is settling its filling his head with hot images of him fucking Jaehyun open.

“I like it either way, but this is about what you want,” Jaehyun says.

It’s unfortunate because Donghyuck went from having no choice but to run out, to suddenly having two choices, fuck Jaehyun or get fucked by Jaehyun. As desperate as he is, he still doesn’t have to think about it for long.

“I want you to fuck me,” Donghyuck repeats, this time more certain about what he wants. “I’ve practiced it, I can take it.”

“Practised, huh,” Jaehyun asks with a smug grin. Donghyuck whines in shame, hiding his face in Jaehyun’s chest. “Tell me about that.”

“I can’t, I’ll be so humiliated I’ll catch fire,” Donghyuck exclaims dramatically.

Jaehyun laughs as he pulls Donghyuck back far enough to look him in the eyes. “Well I can’t have that,” he says, his laugh eating away at the tension in Donghyuck’s bones. “You’re very hot, but I think I like you non-flammable.”

Donghyuck rolls his eyes, because that isn’t even the corniest thing Jaehyun’s ever said, and he kisses away Jaehyun’s laugh.

Something changes then, the way Jaehyun kisses him just a little more urgently, bordering on desperate as his hand fists in Donghyuck’s shirt. Donghyuck feels it too, like they’ve done enough talking and he needs to get his hands on Jaehyun like yesterday.

It’s so different from last Friday, where every kiss had wound Donghyuck up just a little tighter, made him feel more nervous. Now it’s good, soothing out the tension in Donghyuck’s body as he kisses Jaehyun languidly. Jaehyun’s hand is settled on his side, trailing his fingertips up and down, gently tickling Donghyuck’s hips, disappearing under his shirt teasingly.

Just when Donghyuck’s about to complain that it tickles, Jaehyun’s hand moves down, over the curve of Donghyuck’s hipbone, coming around to rest on his ass. Jaehyun uses Donghyuck’s surprised gasp to slide his tongue between his parted lips, gently licking against the roof of his mouth.

In an attempt to feel more, Donghyuck hitches his leg up, using his hand on Jaehyun’s shoulder as leverage to get closer. Jaehyun reciprocates by pulling him in until they’re chest to chest and Donghyuck can feel just how warm Jaehyun is against him, even through the layers of clothes they’re wearing.

The position is not ideal, and soon Jaehyun’s hand meets Donghyuck’s shoulder to ease him down against the mattress instead, kneeling between his spread legs.

“Can you…” Donghyuck starts, teasing the fabric of Jaehyun’s t-shirt between his shy fingers. “Take this off?”

Jaehyun leans back, grabs the back of his t-shirt and pulls it up over his head effortlessly. Donghyuck’s mouth runs dryer at each inch of skin that gets exposed, although he’s seen it before - although never in a setting like this. They like to wear a single shirt to bed, Jaehyun’s - but it goes on Donghyuck, so Donghyuck is used to sleeping with Jaehyun’s naked chest against his back, used to spending lazy mornings trailing patterns over the moles of Jaehyun’s chest - except that’s different.

Now they’re in a different setting, and he’s apprehensive to touch. Luckily Jaehyun steals most of that nervousness away with his mouth, leaning down over Donghyuck to kiss him. Donghyuck takes the opportunity where Jaehyun can’t see what he’s doing to set his hands on Jaehyun’s sides, very carefully tracing his palms over his tummy.

Once he gets a shy feel, it doesn’t satisfy his grabby hands and he strokes over Jaehyun’s toned stomach, feeling his nice and solid abs. When Donghyuck teases his fingers over the lines of his abs, Jaehyun giggles at the gently tickling sensation, and he smiles against Donghyuck’s mouth.

Smirking back against him, Donghyuck pokes at Jaehyun’s belly-button, and Jaehyun laughs, arms caving in as he falls down against Donghyuck.

All the laughing and teasing on Donghyuck’s mind is gone the moment Jaehyun lies down on top of him, their bodies pressed together in such a way Donghyuck can’t not feel Jaehyun’s cock pressing against his hip bone. It makes him feel less worried about how hard he is in his own pants, cock straining up under the zipper of his jeans.

It’s not something Jaehyun seems bothered by either, brushing his lips over Donghyuck’s jaw. Jaehyun’s soft stubble grazes over his skin, like little pinpricks to remind him he’s there, right there tracing his lips over Donghyuck’s throat. Right there where Donghyuck thinks he’s going to fall apart because just the hot touch of Jaehyun’s lips against his throat have him squirming in the sheets.

“Do you have any turtlenecks?” Jaehyun pushes himself up on stretched arms, searching out Donghyuck’s gaze.

“Yeah, why?”

Donghyuck doesn’t get an answer. Instead Jaehyun dives down again, latching his lips to his neck. It catches Donghyuck by surprise, an unfiltered moan escaping his mouth as Jaehyun’s teeth graze over his skin, followed by the wet press of his lips. Then he actually sucks on Donghyuck’s skin, the feeling weird but somehow also incredibly good.

“Ah, ah,” Donghyuck gasps out breathily. It’s unlike anything Donghyuck’s ever felt before, and when Jaehyun lets up his skin his tingling.

“Good?” Jaehyun asks, out of breath. His hair is tousled from where Donghyuck grabbed it earlier, and it makes Donghyuck’s heart swell with pride, thinking he’s doing a pretty good job of messing Jaehyun up too.

“Yeah,” Donghyuck agrees, reaching up to touch the skin. He’s almost a little disappointed when he can’t feel it, just the trace of Jaehyun’s saliva.

“You’ll see it tomorrow, promise,” Jaehyun assures him, smiling sheepishly as he kisses Donghyuck on the mouth, makes him forget all about the hickey he’ll have tomorrow.

He sits back between Donghyuck’s legs, eyes slowly trailing down Donghyuck’s body, like he’s admiring the bruises he left against his skin, finger brushing over it gently. His other hand is resting at Donghyuck’s hip, just where his shirt has ridden up enough to reveal a sliver of skin.

Donghyuck’s secretly relieved that he still has his shirt on, even if he feels overdressed compared to Jaehyun. The problem is that Jaehyun is shirtless half of the time. Donghyuck thinks he, too, would be topless if he was built like that. Jaehyun has the best shoulders in the world, just the right amount of broad but still supple, arms perfectly lined in a layer of muscle that has Donghyuck’s mouth watering at times.

Then he has abs that put your local laundromat out of business, and that’s just mean, considering Donghyuck has a flat tummy that looks even flatter next to his heartthrob boyfriend’s.

So Donghyuck’s never shirtless around Jaehyun, he usually steals Jaehyun’s shirt to sleep in, even gets changed in the bathroom just to be safe. It’s not because he’s shy or insecure - it’s just that the competition is tough and he doesn’t like to lose.

It’s really fine, Jaehyun’s naked enough for the both of them - except now it’s an issue because Jaehyun is on top of him very much nude from the waist up, and Donghyuck is still in his oversized t-shirt. Every time he thinks he’s just going to get it over with and take it off, he takes one look at Jaehyun’s pecs and he’s suddenly too shy to do it, which in turn makes him hate himself because Donghyuck is not shy, he does not do shy.

Donghyuck does everything confidently, and that included talking to Jaehyun, getting to know Jaehyun - being courted by Jaehyun, which was more a game of push and pull to see who was the smoothest. And Donghyuck likes to win, and maybe Jaehyun likes him enough to let him win - so the fact that he can’t do this confidently feels like a level of stupid way below his paygrade, he’s never this shy or clueless about something.

“Can I take this off?” Jaehyun asks, holding the hem of Donghyuck’s shirt. It brings him right back to here, where maybe, just maybe, Donghyuck is shy after all.

Donghyuck bites his bottom lip as he looks down in shame. Luckily the bedroom is quite dark, so at most Jaehyun will see him under the flickering candle light, and still he’s ashamed.

“It’s okay if you don’t want that,” Jaehyun fills in for him.

“No, I want that,” Donghyuck assures quickly. “It’s just uh… I don’t look like you, y'know.”

He makes a vague hand gesture that has Jaehyun laughing.

“Well no, you’re like four inches shorter,” Jaehyun points out, like that’s the only difference between them.

“No I mean, I can’t do laundry on my abs,” Donghyuck adds awkwardly, “because I don’t have any.”

Jaehyun snorts, but senses the underlying insecurities to Donghyuck’s words.

“You think I care about that?” Jaehyun asks, searching out Donghyuck’s hands that are anxiously grabbing at the sheets. “Hey, love, look at me.”

Donghyuck’s heart sits right in his throat as he finds the courage to look at Jaehyun.

“You’re so hot,” Jaehyun says, “when you look at me like that, it’s like the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.”

Donghyuck’s gaze fills with enticed longing, and he’s narrowing down his eyes on Jaehyun, lips parted as he wets them with his tongue - he thinks he might just melt into the mattress if Jaehyun keeps talking to him like that, his limbs getting all hot and liquidy.

“You’re doing it on purpose now,” Jaehyun says, but it’s working because his cheeks are red and he’s breathing a little shakily.

He finds Donghyuck’s lips again, pressing slow and open mouthed kisses against it as his hands settle back on Donghyuck’s slim waist. Somewhere in that kiss, Donghyuck finds the courage to lift his shirt up, pulling apart just for long enough to get it over his head.

Jaehyun’s eyes travel down his body. “Fuck,” he murmurs, his hands settling around Donghyuck’s waist. “Shut up, your waist and your hips are so fucking pretty, it’s like you walked out of a fucking wetdream, all shy and coy and then looking like this.”

“Jaehyun,” Donghyuck whines under the praise, feeling both mortified and horny as fuck at the same time, a common occurrence around Jaehyun.

Jaehyun kisses down his chest, first teasing over the hickey on his throat, then down to his nipple, purposefully kissing right past that until his lips are on Donghyuck’s tummy. Donghyuck would feel self conscious, but the way Jaehyun’s hands sit on his waist, splayed out over his skin makes him feel so small, safe - like Jaehyun could just pick him up like that.

He probably can, and the thought makes Donghyuck a little lightheaded, but he’s soon drawn back when Jaehyun’s hands move down to the waistband of his jeans.

“Can I take these off?”

Donghyuck’s way past feeling self conscious now - threading on delirious, so he nods eagerly, letting Jaehyun undo his jeans. He has to lift his hips to undo them, a little tricky given that his limbs feel like actual molten candle wax, but he manages and soon he’s in his briefs, legs parted to accommodate Jaehyun sitting between them.

“Fucking hell,” Jaehyun breathes, his hand sliding over the bulge in Donghyuck’s briefs. “You’re so hard for me.”

“Jaehyun,” Donghyuck whines in shame, reaching up to cover his eyes. He’s only been waiting for this for months, of course he’s eager.

“Don’t be shy baby,” Jaehyun pulls his hand away, their eyes meeting. “Come on, look at me.”

Donghyuck doesn’t have a choice, teeth sinking into his lower lip in an attempt to stay a little quiet. Quieter is not an option either, because Jaehyun leans down to mouth over Donghyuck’s clothed cock, and Donghyuck’s hips are leaving the mattress, jerking up as he moans.

“There you go,” Jaehyun says, “you sound so pretty for me, baby.”

His hand comes around Donghyuck’s thigh, pushing it back until he can kiss behind Donghyuck’s knee, leaving a trail of kisses to the inside of his thigh.

“Are you sensitive here?” He asks, like he doesn’t already know when Donghyuck goes lax underneath him the further his lips move down.

Jaehyun sucks a bruise on the inside of Donghyuck’s thigh, and Donghyuck’s mewling, answering Jaehyun’s question without words. His cock twitches helplessly under the attention, and Jaehyun smirks, way too satisfied with himself.

“Guess you are sensitive here,” Jaehyun’s hand curves over the inside of Donghyuck’s thigh, thumb pressing into the bruise gently, just enough to get a sharp breath out of Donghyuck. “Your thighs are so pretty baby, next time I’m going to fuck them, after you sit on my face and let me eat you out.”

And that’s all too much, Donghyuck panting out Jaehyun’s name. The filthy words with the promise of next time have him breathless, helplessly searching out Jaehyun’s hand, drawing him back up to kiss him on the lips.

Donghyuck gathers enough strength in his body to roll them over, taking Jaehyun with him. It’s his turn to sit between Jaehyun’s legs now, impatiently tugging at the fabric of his pants.

“Off?” Donghyuck asks, tilting his head as he looks at a Jaehyun.

Jaehyun reaches down to brush some hair out of his face, a strikingly soft gesture considering Donghyuck’s hands are literally about to take his pants off.

With no objection, Donghyuck takes it as his cue to go, curling the waistband down until he can pull Jaehyun’s pants down his legs.

Much to his surprise, Jaehyun’s not wearing underwear, which means Donghyuck is greeted by the sight of his cock springing free. As much as he’s become acquainted with Jaehyun’s body over the past few months, he hasn’t actually seen this. Jaehyun’s cock is curling up towards his belly, drooling a string of precome out onto it.

Donghyuck, curious as ever, wraps his hand around it, experimentally giving it a few tugs. The slide is a little dry, so he spits down onto Jaehyun’s cock, not the most eloquent sound he’s made, but Jaehyun seems to enjoy it all the same, soft little breaths leaving his mouth as his thighs strain under the attention.

“You weren’t wearing anything underneath,” Donghyuck observes as an afterthought, stroking Jaehyun carefully.

“No,” Jaehyun says between a harsh breath, “I was hoping you’d come home with me.”

“Presumptuous,” Donghyuck hums, and Jaehyun chuckles breathlessly.

“Not with the way you kissed me during halftime,” Jaehyun teases, and Donghyuck’s face falls, cheeks flaming red. Maybe he had been a little eager, subconsciously trying to get his point across - maybe Jaehyun was more observant than he let in on.

“I was congratulating you,” Donghyuck says nonchalantly.

“Please, you were shoving your tongue down my throat in front of an audience-” Donghyuck cuts him off with a flick of his wrist, Jaehyun hissing under his breath. He goes lax against the mattress after, like Donghyuck’s physically exerting his energy through his dick.

“Maybe I had ulterior motives,” Donghyuck purrs, smirking up at Jaehyun.

“Of course you did,” Jaehyun says, “you’re cute- ah.”

Donghyuck does not take pleasure in being called cute when he’s giving someone a handjob. He does enjoy Jaehyun’s gasp and the way his eyes roll back when he rubs his thumb over the head, digging into the slit. “You’re unbelievable.”

Donghyuck likes that a lot better, smirking as he jerks Jaehyun off. He knows how to do this, easily familiarising himself with the sounds Jaehyun makes, the way his thighs jerk when he flicks his wrist a particular way.

He gets Jaehyun off like that for a while, and it’s every piece as hot as Donghyuck imagined it. Jaehyun’s eyes down on him, the way the muscles in his belly tense up, the way his breathing is shaky, the sounds that spill from his lips - Donghyuck’s all doing that to him.

When he pulls back he can’t help but notice the gathered precome dripped down on his thumb, curiosity getting the best of him as he brings it up to his mouth for a taste.

“Tastes good,” Donghyuck offers. It might not really be good, but it’s not bad either; like he’d feared.

“Liar,” Jaehyun says.

“Fine, not good, but not bad either. Just weird?” Donghyuck tries. “Kinda just tastes like you.”

“I’m not edible,” Jaehyun objects with a breathless chuckle

“Your face kind of looks like bread right now,” it does have that resemblance, Jaehyun’s features all soft and dimpled as he smiles. It’s not the first time Donghyuck has pointed this out, but it makes Jaehyun blush all the same.

“Oh my god,” Jaehyun groans, tilting his head to bury his face in the pillow. “The things you do to me.”

“What?” Donghyuck asks, faking ignorance, because he can tell just how embarrassed Jaehyun is and he likes it way too much.

“Nope, enough talking,” Jaehyun says, grabbing the pillow next to him. He scoots up to the side, putting the pillow down and patting it demonstratively. “Come on, lie down for me.”

Donghyuck feels that familiar anticipation seep right into his core, carefully lifting himself up and setting his hips down on the pillow. Jaehyun props up another one right behind his head, to make sure he’s comfortable.

Jaehyun kisses his forehead before he sits back between Donghyuck’s legs, hands staying on his hips. “Can I take these off?”

His thumbs push up under the waistband of Donghyuck’s briefs, teasing the cool air tickling his skin.

Donghyuck doesn’t think he’ll be able to make non-embarrassing noises as he speaks, so he just nods instead. The flush creeps high on his cheeks as Jaehyun finally gets him naked. His hands shoot up to cover his face, like the embarrassment is less when he can’t see Jaehyun.

“Hey,” Jaehyun takes the hand covering his eyes, brings it up to his mouth and kisses his knuckles. “Don’t be shy. Shy doesn’t look good on you.”

Donghyuck snorts, perhaps not the most attractive thing he’s done naked, but it makes Jaehyun laugh and soon he’s leaning up on his elbows, pouting until Jaehyun comes up to kiss him. Laughing into each other’s mouth, they kiss until Donghyuck forgets he was nervous at all.

“You’re still sure about this?” Jaehyun asks, just to be sure.

“Oh my god, stop asking,” Donghyuck flails his hands against the sheets dramatically. “I’m fine. Get your fingers in me.”

And that seems to do the trick, the kind of whining Donghyuck uses against Jaehyun frequently.

“You’ve done this before, right?”

Yes,” Donghyuck hisses, “and I’m about to do it again if you don’t hurry up.”

“You’re so bossy,” Jaehyun huffs, but he likes it nonetheless.

“You like it,” Donghyuck teases back. He has a lot to say for someone naked and pliant on his back, but Jaehyun likely didn’t expect much else.

“Maybe I do,” Jaehyun’s squirting out lube onto his finger, letting the rest trail down over Donghyuck’s hole. “Relax for me.”

Donghyuck’s about to say something witty to that, but he does relax, letting Jaehyun push the first finger in until he’s a knuckle deep.

While Donghyuck’s impatient he’s also not stupid. This is different from anything he’s ever done to himself, the angle and Jaehyun’s fingers just not the same, and he’s not going to ruin this by being too impatient about it.

“Okay?” Jaehyun asks.

Donghyuck nods, canting his hips up a little. “Go on.”

Jaehyun kisses the inside of his knee, and Donghyuck would have time to melt at the softness of his actions, but he’s kind of occupied trying to get Jaehyun to move. His patience is wearing so thin he’s about to start begging, and then Jaehyun finally gives in.

“Oh,” Donghyuck states, feeling the stretch a little more as Jaehyun pushes his finger in further, “that’s-”

“Too much?”

Good,” Donghyuck hisses, insists. “Do that again.”

Jaehyun does it again. Donghyuck can practically feel his eyes on him, so focused on his face to ensure there’s no sign of discomfort.

One finger isn’t much of a stretch, although Jaehyun’s fingers are thicker than Donghyuck’s, they’re also shorter. It is different from working himself open in the sense that Jaehyun will press little kisses to his thigh to distract him, soothe him by getting his hand on Donghyuck’s cock.

“Can you-” cutting himself off with a short breath as Jaehyun’s thumb grazes over the head of his cock, “can you do one more,” a loud whine works its way out of his mouth, no matter his attempts to keep it down, “please.”

“Still okay?” Jaehyun asks after easing in another finger, letting Donghyuck get used to it for a while.

“Yes,” Donghyuck hisses, “please move, I need-”

“So impatient,” Jaehyun chuckles, but it’s warm and full of admiration, like the way he smooches the inside of Donghyuck’s thigh.

“Sorry,” Donghyuck hiccups an apology.

“Don’t be, keep talking. It relaxes you when you talk,” Jaehyun hums.

“I just like the sound of your voice,” Donghyuck admits, finding it in him to blush at the statement, especially when Jaehyun searches out his gaze with a shy little smile. It’s short lived, because Jaehyun curls his fingers up in a way that has him gasping, cock twitching in interest.

“Oh fuck,” Donghyuck breathes, hands tangling in the sheets. “Fuck, that’s good, again.”

Jaehyun lets him whine for a bit, admittedly enjoying it very much, until Donghyuck starts working his hips down, searching out the stimulation, and he gives in. He fucks him open on two fingers, until he’s a whiny mess, squirming in the sheets under Jaehyun’s hands.

“Okay, stop-” Donghyuck stutters out after a moment, breathing shallowly, “get your dick in me, or I’ll come like this.”

Jaehyun chuckles at Donghyuck’s crudeness, relieved to see Donghyuck so relaxed he’s getting mouthy again.

“Are you sure you’re ready?” Jaehyun asks, wiping his hand on the sheets. Donghyuck scoffs, pulling Jaehyun in to kiss him, hoping the eager way he nips at Jaehyun’s lips answers his question.

“I’m fine,” Donghyuck insists when they break apart, spit connecting their lips. “I told you to stop asking that.”

“I’m going to keep asking anyways,” Jaehyun giggles, pressing a kiss to the corner of Donghyuck’s mouth before he sits back on the bed, relaxing against the headboard next to Donghyuck.

“What are you doing?” Donghyuck asks, frowning as he sits up.

“You should be on top,” Jaehyun explains, patting his thighs like an invitation. “You can set the pace then.”

“But I want-” Donghyuck starts, trying to convey that he’s always pictured Jaehyun on top, him on his back, that he wants Jaehyun to look down on him, hold him down as he fucks him. All he comes up with is a whine, pouting defeatedly.

“Trust me,” Jaehyun says, gently tugging on Donghyuck’s hips to get him up. Trusting Jaehyun has worked out pretty well for him so far, so he does just that, setting himself down in Jaehyun’s lap.

“Here,” Jaehyun picks up the condom, putting one end of it to Donghyuck’s mouth, “my hands are too slippery.”

Donghyuck frowns, but takes the edge of the foil between his teeth, biting down as Jaehyun rips it. His thumb brushes over Donghyuck’s lips as he pulls out the other end of the wrapper, chuckling when Donghyuck licks his lip after.

“Tastes gross,” Donghyuck complains, but Jaehyun silences him with a kiss, leaning forward to kiss Donghyuck open-mouthed and messy while he rolls the condom down over his cock.

“Better?” Jaehyun asks when they break apart, lips spit-slicked and swollen. He stays close to Donghyuck, putting his hands back on Donghyuck’s sides.

“Yeah,” Donghyuck breathes, cheeks flushing red all over again under Jaehyun’s close proximity. He can practically count Jaehyun’s lashes, see the redness on his face, the wetness of his lips.

“Are you still sure about this?” Jaehyun murmurs, brushing his lips over Donghyuck’s.

Donghyuck chuckles, cheeks bunching up as he smiles. “How pissed would you be if I backed out now?”

Donghyuck pitches it as a joke, but a serious look crosses Jaehyun’s face, looking at Donghyuck in surprise.

“Not at all,” Jaehyun assures quickly. “I want you to be comfortable, I’d be pissed if you lied to me.”

“No, no,” Donghyuck quickly hushes him, “I’m fine, please don’t stop.”

“Promise?” Jaehyun asks in a whisper. His hand reaches down to take Donghyuck’s instead, and it feels like a lot - not that Donghyuck’s about to have sex, but the way Jaehyun looks at him, the way he squeezes Donghyuck’s hand, the emotionally loaded way in which he asks it.

“I promise,” Donghyuck whispers back. He kisses Jaehyun again, just to be sure that he’s getting his point across, and Jaehyun squeezes his hand in return.

“Alright,” Jaehyun breathes when he pulls back, hand letting go of Donghyuck’s only to sneak down his side, curl around the back of his thigh to hitch him up on his knees.

It’s a little awkward, his thighs straining over Jaehyun’s hip bones, lifting himself up on his knees. He has to put a hand on Jaehyun’s shoulder to ensure he doesn’t fall over, the strength in his thighs not impeccable in this state of arousal.

“Relax, baby,” Jaehyun murmurs, one hand on Donghyuck’s hip, gently brushing over his hip bone.

Relaxing is not easy, but Donghyuck takes a deep breath and finally lets himself sink down a little. It feels like a lot, more than just a couple fingers, the pressure way different than that. He hadn’t really thought about this, what it would feel like - so there’s no point of reference, but all in all, it’s not bad.

“Oh,” he breathes out in surprise, placing one hand on Jaehyun’s chest to steady himself again.

“Hey,” Jaehyun says, cupping Donghyuck’s chin to draw his attention up to his face. “Go slowly, you’re doing so well.”

He tries to raise up a little and drop down, maybe take him in a little more but it’s so much, all he can do is whine against the stretch, pouting in defeat.

“I said, slowly,” Jaehyun gently squeezes his hip, as if to keep him in place, to assure him that it’s okay. Donghyuck gets the necessity of slowly now, but it’s difficult when all his pent up frustration and eagerness is still so clear in his mind. He waits it out patiently, taking a deep breath as he relaxes enough to repeat the slow movement of his hips again.

“Ah, fuck,” Jaehyun’s the one to hiss this time. “Fuck, you’re really tight, ah.”

Donghyuck would blush under the words, but he’s sure he’s already red from head to toe. He clenches up around Jaehyun, trying to see what that feels like, and Jaehyun’s hands fall in shock, hips jerking under him.

“That’s kinda good,” Donghyuck admits, repeating the short rise and fall of his hips.

“Yeah?” Jaehyun asks, out of breath.

Donghyuck lifts his hips up again, and just as he’s lowering himself down Jaehyun’s hand wraps around his cock, having him gasping out.

“Jesus, fuck,” Donghyuck curses out, suddenly overwhelmed with pleasure as Jaehyun’s hand gets him off. It does help him relax, his thighs muscles seemingly giving out and letting him drop himself down in Jaehyun’s lap. “Not to be cheesy, but your dick feels really fucking big.”

“Donghyuck,” Jaehyun hisses, hands tightening on his hips. “Didn’t I say slow-”

“Fuck that,” Donghyuck says, insistently moving his hips shallowly. “Feels good,” he has half the mind to say it, mouth falling open as he spears himself open on Jaehyun’s cock, “fuck, really good.”

“Yeah,” Jaehyun agrees, breathless as he cants his head back, back arching up as his hands squeeze Donghyuck’s hips so desperately he’s sure he’s going to have bruises tomorrow. “Hyuckie, oh my god you’re so-”

“Yeah,” Donghyuck agrees, cutting Jaehyun off, rolling his hips down in Jaehyun’s lap impatiently. He’s not sure how he’s ever going to get himself off again, pretty sure that nothing quite beats the feeling of this, Jaehyun’s hands on him, his eyes piercing him down, cock fucking him open. Donghyuck’s never felt anything like it, the way pleasure shoots up his spine at every little thrust, tingling out to his arms and legs.

It’s a lot, too much as his hands shake, trying to grab Jaehyun’s shoulders to steady himself. When Jaehyun lifts his hips up to thrust into him, his arms give in altogether, falling face forward into the pillow under Jaehyun’s head.

“Ow” he whines, pushing up onto his elbows to look down at Jaehyun.

“Sorry, is that too much?” Jaehyun asks, looking up at Donghyuck with worry.

“No,” Donghyuck denies, licking his lips nervously. “Just... a lot.”

“C’mere,” Jaehyun cups his jaw, draws him down to connect their lips. His other hand settles low on Donghyuck’s hip, fingers splaying out to grab him.

He thinks he should get tired of kissing Jaehyun, his lips puffy and sore, but each time he gets lost in it all the same, lips tingling under Jaehyun’s touch. He gasps into Jaehyun’s mouth when he slowly moves his hips, punching the breath right out of Donghyuck’s chest.

“Okay?” Jaehyun asks against his mouth breathlessly.

“Yeah, good,” Donghyuck hums, curling his hands into the sheets to steady himself, doing his best to keep himself up. Jaehyun’s thrusts get a little bolder, and soon Donghyuck is too distracted by it to kiss him back properly. It’s taking all his energy to hold himself up, legs shaking with pleasure as Jaehyun fucks him with slow thrusts.

He’s just breathing back into Jaehyun’s mouth, keening as Jaehyun licks into it, let’s Jaehyun's tongue nudge and lick over every inch of it. He feels lightheaded as Jaehyun drives his hips deeper, the pressure so much yet not enough at the same time, Donghyuck can’t find words just to express how good he feels.

“Ah,” Jaehyun gasps, gripping Donghyuck’s hips so hard it was him whining, “fuck, Donghyuck, you feel so fucking good.”

Donghyuck pulls away far enough to look Jaehyun in the eye, chest swelling with warmth when he sees Jaehyun’s half lidded gaze. He moans at the sight, at how mind blowingly good it feels to have Jaehyun like this and fuck, he’s really, really far gone for him, convinced that nothing’s ever going to make him feel quite as good as this.

“Fuck, I-” Donghyuck says, wanting to say a lot but having no words, mind blank at the piercing pleasure Jaehyun sends him into.

“Hyuck,” Jaehyun tries to get his attention back up, and Donghyuck spares his last energy to look up at Jaehyun, sees his open-mouthed fucked out expression and thinks it wouldn’t be so bad if it was the last thing he ever saw.

Donghyuck mewls at a sharp thrust that hits just right, doing his best to keep his eyes trained on Jaehyun. He gives up on that altogether, drunk on pleasure as he nearly yells once he feels Jaehyun’s hand wrap around his cock.

“Hyuckie,” Jaehyun moans, voice shaking as he speaks, “fuck, you’re so good for me, I love you-”

Donghyuck’s pretty sure he’s actually lost his mind, crying out when Jaehyun’s hand gives a sharp tug and he’s coming all over Jaehyun’s hand and tummy. The hot white pleasure that explodes behind his eyelids is just too much - he can feel it all over his body, and all the strength seeps from his bones when he falls down against Jaehyun.

They’re still for a moment, Jaehyun’s thighs pressed to the back of his, fingers splayed out over his hips to just loosely hold him in place, breathing heavy and fast.

Realising what just happened, Donghyuck whines in shame, burying his head in the pillow to hide away from Jaehyun. It’s not how he planned for this to go, thinking he’d like to at least enjoy it a bit longer. Instead he’s face down in a pillow trying to will away his shame.

When he finally has the courage to look up, Jaehyun is looking at him with half-lidded eyes, gaze soft and admiring, and Donghyuck feels his cheeks heating all over again.

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs, eyes downcast as he pushes himself up on his forearms.

“Why? That was really fucking hot,” Jaehyun says. He’s just as flushed, if not worse, and Donghyuck thinks it’s so endearing, he has to stop himself from cooing.

“You didn’t get to…” Donghyuck says, biting his lip as he makes a vague hand gesture.

Jaehyun chuckles, leaning over to kiss his forehead. “That’s okay,” he assures him, “‘m gonna pull out now.”

“Mhhhh,” Donghyuck holds his breath, hisses with sensitivity as he curls his hands in the bedsheets.

“Can I still get you off?” Donghyuck asks when Jaehyun discards the condom and rests back down next to him.

“If you want to,” Jaehyun hums, nuzzling his head back against the pillow. Their faces are just inches apart, Donghyuck can feel his hot breath on his lips. “You don’t have-”

Donghyuck knows damn well that he doesn’t have to, but he wants to, so badly that he sits upright immediately, shuffles down the bed until he’s sitting between Jaehyun’s legs, hand wrapping around his hard cock.

He uses his mouth because it’s easier, he thinks, lathering Jaehyun’s cock in saliva as he licks over it. With his lips pressed to the tip, he tongues into the slit and Jaehyun’s hips jerk under him, going slack when Donghyuck takes him down.

When Jaehyun’s cock hits the back of his throat he pulls back, coughing on the light tickle.

“Careful,” Jaehyun urges, but his voice is strained and the way his tummy tenses up tells Donghyuck enough. He goes back down, taking in as much as he can comfortably, using his hand to cover what he can’t quite make. His lips are stretched thin, tongue flattened out against Jaehyun’s cock, hollowing his cheeks as he bobs his head.

His eyes water when it becomes a little too much, and he pulls off with a gasp, string of spit connecting his lips with Jaehyun’s cock. He glances up, sees Jaehyun’s closed eyes and the way he bites his lips, only spurring Donghyuck on to keep going, the noises Jaehyun makes so very pleasant to his ears.

Jaehyun’s breathing comes shorter, hands fisting in the sheet before one shoots up to Donghyuck’s hair, tugging slightly to lift him off.

Donghyuck lets up, meeting Jaehyun’s eyes in a confused glance.

“Use your hand,” Jaehyun says breathily.

“Why?” Donghyuck asks, wiping at the saliva dripping from his mouth.

“I don’t wanna come in your mouth,” Jaehyun admits sheepishly.

Jaehyun should know that’s the wrong thing to say, because ever so competitive Donghyuck wants to make sure Jaehyun does just that, putting his lips back to Jaehyun’s dick.

Jaehyun’s too far gone to do something about it, throwing his head back with hiccupy moans, hips jerking under Donghyuck’s touches. He hollows his cheeks, flattens his tongue up against Jaehyun’s cock, and that seems to do the trick, Jaehyun’s tummy tensing up before he comes.

It’s not great. A mouthful of come is not the same as the little taste he had before. Donghyuck tries to swallow it, but it’s a lot, and it’s kind of gross, kind of like having rusty coins in your mouth - so he looks up in semi-panic, looking for anywhere to spit it out, an old sock if he must.

Jaehyun throws him the towel that’s been ready at his side, and Donghyuck empties his mouth into it, grimacing at the taste.

When he looks up next, shamefully wiping at his wet lips, Jaehyun is handing him the bottle of water on his nightstand, and he takes an eager sip to rinse out the taste.

“Thanks,” Donghyuck breathes, handing him back the bottle.

Jaehyun’s still trying to catch his breath, Donghyuck’s eyes trained on the rise and fall of his chest. He feels shy for all of two seconds before Jaehyun makes a gesture for him to come closer.

He gets comfortable by Jaehyun’s side, resting his head on his shoulder, hand splayed out over his chest. Jaehyun’s arm is curled around him, pulling him close, and Donghyuck finally feels the tiredness settle.

“I’ll get you a wet washcloth, to clean you up,” Jaehyun says after a moment. Donghyuck’s about to protest, but Jaehyun’s already getting up, putting his boxers back on and disappearing into the bathroom.

Donghyuck waits patiently for him to return, smiling at the sight of it when he does.

Instead of handing him the washcloth, Jaehyun kneels next to him on his bed and carefully wipes him down. Donghyuck is a little sensitive, but Jaehyun’s touches are soft and in the end he feels much cleaner.

“Thanks,” he murmurs.

“I’ll be right back, alright?”

Jaehyun leaves with the washcloth, going into the kitchen.

When Donghyuck’s left alone he sinks back against the sheets and tries to wrap his head around what just happened. It was nothing like he’d anticipated - yet just the right amount of awkward to make it feel real, like he really just lost his virginity, and it still went beyond his expectations.

He tries not to think about what Jaehyun said, about what he thinks he heard. He must’ve misheard it, or Jaehyun said it as a heat of the moment thing. Donghyuck hopes Jaehyun doesn’t hold him accountable for everything he said while they were fucking, so it’s only fair if he treats Jaehyun with the same etiquette.

So he probably shouldn’t feel giddy, thinking back to Jaehyun saying he loved him, but he still does. He hates himself for it, feeling like a high schooler with a crush as his tummy fills with butterflies, and he buries his face in the sheets to hide his frustration.

Eventually he gets so impatient in search of a distraction that he sits up, pulls on Jaehyun’s t-shirt and his underwear and gets out of bed.

He’s a little sore, so he takes slow and quiet steps until he’s peeking into the kitchen, checking to see if they’re still alone.

Jaehyun looks very boyish, standing there in nothing but his underwear, milk carton in hand as he leans back against the kitchen counter, illuminated by the light from the half-open fridge.

“Are you drinking milk?” Donghyuck asks, after confirming they are in fact still alone.

“Yes,” Jaehyun admits, laughing as Donghyuck approaches him. “It’s uh good, after sex - replenishes your calcium.”

“You don’t lose calcium when you have sex, idiot-” Donghyuck doesn’t get to finish that sentence, because Jaehyun is picking him up, throwing him over his shoulder and carrying him back into his bedroom.

“Oh you have sex once and suddenly you’re an expert?” Jaehyun asks as he sets Donghyuck down on his bed.

“Was it bad?” Donghyuck blurts out when he’s reminded of why he was so nervous in the first place. It was his first time.

“Don’t be silly,” Jaehyun says, “the only thing you’re bad at is talking about your feelings.”

“Guess that makes two of us,” Donghyuck concludes, and Jaehyun chuckles. He snuggles up to Donghyuck’s side, pressing a kiss to the dip of his collarbone, exposed by the low neckline of Jaehyun’s shirt.

Donghyuck feels Jaehyun’s fingers on his throat, teasing gently over the bruised skin, and he sees the way Jaehyun’s eyes narrow down on it.

“What are you looking at?”

“Your throat,” Jaehyun hums, soothing a gentle hand down Donghyuck’s chest. “You’re going to need that turtleneck tomorrow.”

“Is it that bad?” Donghyuck says, looking down at his shoulder like he’ll actually be able to see the hickey like that.

“Let’s just say I’m happy you don’t go to church on Sundays, you’d catch on fire on the threshold.”

“Well you did say I’m hot,” Donghyuck remarks, then clears his throat. “You said uhh… something else too.”

“I did, didn’t I,” Jaehyun agrees quietly. “Look, I know I said that - but-”

“But you didn’t mean it?” Donghyuck fills in for him.

“No that’s not what I…” Jaehyun breathes shakily, apprehension almost tangible from his voice alone. “I did mean it. I didn’t want to um… I didn’t want to tell you like that, because I want you to know that it’s not because we had sex, that’s not… that’s not what I love about you.”


“Sorry. I suck at this. I haven’t done this before,” Jaehyun admits, and now he’s the one hiding his face in Donghyuck’s neck.

“Done what?”

“Said that to someone,” Jaehyun admits. Donghyuck brushes a hand down his back in a gentle, comforting touch. He tries to churn the implications of Jaehyun’s words in his head, but it’s not easy. He doesn’t know what to make of it.

He’s Jaehyun’s first…. love? That sounds foreign, far fetched. They’ve been together for all of four months and while Donghyuck’s heart sometimes does funny things when he looks at Jaehyun, he’s not sure if that means they’re in love. It’s just nice to be together, pleasant, and Donghyuck feels warm and fuzzy when Jaehyun kisses him, and it’s all very nice. Donghyuck would miss it if he didn’t have it, he’d miss it terribly and maybe that means that they’re in love…

Frankly, he’s not an expert either. He’s in the same boat as Jaehyun, but at least they’re out at sea together about this, and they’re both confused - which makes him feel a lot better.

It might not be so far fetched, not when he feels Jaehyun’s heartbeat where his chest is pressed against Donghyuck’s, the way his heart is racing, and Donghyuck feels like that is justified - his heart is doing the same. If they’re both feeling like that, then it can’t be so bad. They can’t both be wrong about it.

Ultimately Donghyuck doesn’t know, so he does what anyone in need of answers does. He googles it.

Jaehyun’s eyes are closed where he’s snuggled up against Donghyuck’s chest, so he doesn’t notice it at first when Donghyuck grabs his phone from his nightstand. Not until he turns on the screen and lets the light flood over Jaehyun’s face does he squint, blinking his eyes open.

“What are you doing?” Jaehyun asks, frowning as he nuzzles up against Donghyuck’s chest.

Donghyuck is doing his very best to type with one hand, finally getting the words into the search bar and hitting enter after some concentration.

“I’m googling if it’s too soon to say I love you after four months,” Donghyuck admits sheepishly, scrolling through a Reddit post of someone in a similar predicament.

The answer is pretty predictable, no. There’s no too soon - there’s only too late when it ultimately comes down to it. It’s a ‘when you know you know’ thing, but Donghyuck’s afraid that he doesn’t know, not yet.

“That’s okay,” Jaehyun answers when Donghyuck accidentally thinks out loud, “you don’t have to say it back. I think.”

“You say it once and you’re an expert,” Donghyuck mocks him.

Jaehyun chuckles softly, leaning up on his forearms to search out Donghyuck’s lips. It’s a soft and tender kiss, Donghyuck’s phone falling out of his hands as he gives into Jaehyun fully. No matter how sore his lips are, he doesn’t think he’ll ever grow tired of kissing Jaehyun.

Maybe the love thing isn’t so far away after all.