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Have Your Cake And Eat It

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Harry wasn’t sure exactly how much time had passed before he heard voices coming from the hallway.

“What’s in the box?”

“I haven’t the faintest,” Draco drawled.

“Aren’t you not the least bit curious?”

“I am not,” Draco replied.

Harry — who was inside the box in question — had regrets. In fact, the list of his regrets was growing with every minute spent snuggly curled up inside one of Madam Hargreeve’s Specialty Party Cakes waiting to surprise Draco for his thirtieth birthday. He’d wanted to get Draco something special. They had been together for nearly a decade, and living together for more than half that time. He’d considered various pieces of jewelry, a weekend vacation to their favourite cottage, and a handful of other things, but Ron planted it in his head that he needed to do something different, something outlandish, something big.

Blaise cleared his throat. “That’s a really big box.”

“I’m aware of its size, Blaise.”

“Is it, um, a frequent thing, then? You and Potter getting packages this large?”

“Why are you worried about the size of Harry’s package?”

“Are you sure it’s for Harry? I mean, it’s your birthday.”

“It’s addressed to him.”

Harry felt the blood drain from his face. He’d merely given their address to the Post Officer at the Owlery but the official listing still only had Harry registered at the residence. The same thing had happened with their Falmouth Falcons season tickets and their repeat deliveries of Wizard Eats. After they’d been together a while, Draco just started staying over for extended periods, until one evening he brought over a few boxes and told Harry he’d given up his lease. Harry hadn’t thought much about it after that, after all, it had seemed official enough.

“So?” Blaise asked.

“I can’t open his mail.”

“Merlin, is it this again? Draco, the season tickets were for you! This is probably for you!”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does!”

“It’s Harry’s name and Harry’s name only.”

“But this is your home, too. For heaven’s sake, it’s been nearly six years. You still haven’t been put on the register?”

“I am not the homeowner. If Harry wants to list me—”

“You haven’t brought it up?”

Harry had heard enough. He twisted his shoulders and shoved his hand down so he could feel around for his wand. As soon as he wrapped his fingers around it, he Apparated back to the cake shop.

With such short notice, he couldn’t purchase another custom cake, but he managed to snag the last one available. Though not a birthday cake, it would have to suffice.

He rushed to the Owlery, filled out and updated a new residency form, and watched as the automated listing wrote out the addressees on the label of the box.

Forty-five minutes after abandoning the first cake, Harry had wedged himself into the second one and four large barn owls delivered it.

Harry heard the door open and felt the box lower to the floor.

“What’s this?” Blaise asked. “It’s addressed to you. To both of you.” There were footsteps and then silence. Finally Blaise said, “What’s wrong? Aren’t you going to open it?”


“Open the box, Draco.”

“Let me stare at the label for a little while longer. Do you know what this is?” Draco whispered. Harry could tell his voice was close, just outside the box. “It’s an honest to Merlin automated label and it has my name on it. Somewhere my name is officially tied to this place. Mine and Harry’s.”

Blaise snorted. “Yeah, how sweet. Now open the bloody box, I want to know what’s in there.”

“In a minute.”

Harry — overheated, anxious, and starving — couldn’t stop himself from shouting, “Open the box, Draco!”

There was a long stretch of silence before Harry heard Draco whisper Apertomora! followed by an even longer stretch of silence.

“Does that say what I think it says?” Blaise laughed.

“You mean does this giant pink cake covered in icing penises say ‘One penis forever?’

Harry decided now was as good a time as any to stand up and reveal himself from within the cake.

“Surprise!” he shouted as he pushed through the trap door on the top tier. Covered in pink icing and white cake, Harry stood in front of Draco and sighed. “I didn’t know what to get you for your birthday,” he said. “So I got you this.” He glanced across the room at the unopened box containing the first cake. He pointed. “And that.”

“Another cake?” Blaise questioned.

“It’s perfect,” Draco said, his eyes wide and his lips curled up in a genuine smile. “Two cakes, two names.”

Harry smiled back at him. “One home.”

“Hey,” Blaise said over his shoulder as he opened the other box. “This one is a birthday cake.”

“Sometimes it takes a few tries to get things right,” Draco said, a knowing look in his eyes. He grabbed Harry’s hand and helped him step out of the cake.

“So you wanted a pink cake covered in penises?”

“I have everything I ever wanted right here,” he replied as he pulled a fondant penis out of Harry's hair. “Couldn’t ask for more.”