Actions

Work Header

Wherever you stray, I follow

Work Text:

‘Dazai has turned traitor.’

 

Four words. Four words Nakahara Chuuya never thought he’d hear, especially not in the form of a text from Kouyou, and especially not while he was on a solo mission in another country. Far away from Yokohama and from ringing that bandaged bastards neck himself.

So here he is, two months later, back from his mission and now standing in what used to be the apartment he shared with his par- ex-partner.

He rubs his hands down his face, a groan turning into a snarl as he kicks what used to be their coffee table halfway across the room. It crashes into the bookshelf, knocking some of the books off and onto the floor in a heap.

Chuuya stares at the books for a moment before sighing and making his way over. He bends down, picking them up silently.

He’s tired.

Tired physically, tired mentally and now has to deal with tidying up these stupid books.

He places the books back onto the shelf one by one until a piece of paper falls out of one and onto the floor.

Chuuya tilts his head curiously, bending to pick it up and is surprised to find that it is not a piece of paper per se, but a photograph.

A photograph of himself.

Whoever took the photo obviously did this with the intent of trying not to be noticed as the photo just looks like Chuuya is busying himself with something, looking elsewhere.

“What the…?”

With the same book in hand, he lifts it up to inspect it closer.

It’s nothing spectacular, just a plain black leatherbound journal with worn edges and yellowing pages, clearly been used often.

Deciding to just get it over with, he opens the book and immediately recognises the messy hand writing inside.

It’s Dazai’s.

Dazai’s journal.

Now, normally Chuuya would respect someone else’s privacy, even Dazai’s, but the fucker leaving ruined any chance of Chuuya upholding that so, with a haughty snort he turns the pages, and begins reading.

The first few pages start off pretty standard, complaining about missions, or not finding a suitable ‘bridge’, most likely to jump off of.

Chuuya sighs as he continues flipping through the pages, scanning bits and pieces. There’s no mention of him yet, but there are mentions of Oda and Ango, how they’d frequent Lupin to wind down each week.

So far nothing to suggest why a photo of him was placed within the pages of this journal. Maybe it was just some silly mistake, misplaced. Chuuya almost relents and decides to give up, but he finally spots his name amongst the pages.

‘Stuck on a mission with Chuuya again. Does he really have to flirt with people to gather intel?? He’s usually so aggressive! And this way takes much longer! UGH annoying, I just want to go home.’

Chuuya scoffs, he only flirted because it was just easier, and less messy. He didn’t exactly enjoy coming home from a mission covered in blood and dirt, this way was just more efficient - even fun at times.

He continues reading. There are mostly just more complaints about missions or having to live in a shared apartment together.

Needless to say, this isn’t doing much for his confidence. That is to say until he stops on something interesting:

‘Chibi went out with some guy tonight, I think on a date. I don’t know why that bugs me so much, probably because he skipped out on watching that new horror airing on TV with me tonight. Well, I’ll pay him back some way, so as long as he doesn’t bring anyone home then I guess it doesn’t matter.’

Chuuya does remember that night. He almost feels bad, especially since he did agree to watching the movie with Dazai, but he immediately forgot about it once some guy he met out and about asked him out that night. It just seemed like a better offer at the time, but now he really regrets it since it ended up being a shitty date anyway. He definitely would’ve had more fun with Dazai.

The next entry he reads makes him snort out a laugh by how sudden it seems after what Dazai wrote last.

‘Chibi brought someone home.’

Chuuya rolls his eyes. This one wasn’t long after the first guy, just someone he met at a bar. He supposes bringing some guy home for a fuck was in bad taste, especially since he lived with someone else, but in his defence, he didn’t know Dazai was home since the mackerel often stayed out god knows where.

‘I really hate this, it’s OUR apartment, not just his, I at least have the decency to take my one-night stands to hotels. And Chuuya is so LOUD. This other guy can’t be that good…can he?’

‘And why…do I kind of like how Chuuya sounds…?’

That makes Chuuya pause.

“What…? Why– “

Chuuya’s face heats up at that, not only at the fact that Dazai heard him moaning while some guy fucked him, but also because Dazai liked his moans?

As he continues reading, he hopes to find some kind of explanation to it all.

More complaints about missions, some jokes he told Oda and Ango on their nights out. It’s all pretty normal until–

‘I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I can’t get Chuuya out of my head and I get angry when I see him with other people, a weird tight feeling in my chest. I’m not used to feeling this way about anyone at all, and I can’t tell if I like it or not, because it’s making it hard for me to focus. And it is especially hard to focus once I noticed Chuuya actually has a lot of freckles. I want to count them all but whenever I try, he always looks my way.’

Chuuya’s face heats up even more, trying his best to understand as he feels emotions that he tried to bury stir inside of him.

But the words on the next page once Chuuya turns it over, only makes it worse-

 

‘I think I’m in love with Chuuya.’

 

“I–,“ Chuuya croaks out, stunned, staring down at the words with blue eyes wide, repeating them over and over in his head, imagining a different voice altogether saying them.

‘That’s the only explanation I can think of as to why he’s always on my mind, and I get mad when he’s with others intimately, wishing it were me. When I told Odasaku about my feelings he just snorted and said “About time” as if it was obvious

‘Perhaps it was. I want Chuuya. I don’t even go out with anyone anymore, because they aren’t HIM. But I know chibi doesn’t feel the same way, but maybe he will, one day?’

“But I did,” Chuuya croaks out, as if he’s talking to Dazai himself, as if he’s there right in front of him, pretending his partner didn’t leave, “I just…” Chuuya rubs his hand down his face, “I just didn’t think you were interested…and I didn’t want to waste my time waiting for someone who didn’t want me.”

 

God.

What idiots they were.

What idiots they are.

 

Chuuya regrets so much in this instance. Regrets not waiting, regrets not making his feelings obvious, regrets the people he brought home, forcing Dazai to hear what they did to him.

He hates this.

‘I think I’ll talk to Odasaku about it next time I see him, maybe ask for advice on how to tell Chuuya how I feel. He’s probably better at that kind of thing than me.’

Chuuya continues reading, skipping a few blank pages and then-

‘Odasaku is dead.’

Chuuya’s hand tightens on the pages edge, paper crinkling between gloved fingers, ‘Is this…is this why Dazai left?’

That would explain it plenty, Oda was Dazai’s best friend. Being away at the time, Chuuya had no idea, this is the first time he’s hearing about it. But instead of hearing it from the mafia itself, he’s hearing it from his ex-partner’s worn journal.

Chuuya clenches his teeth, he knew Oda too.

' I don’t know what I should do, Odasaku is gone, Ango disappeared and Chuuya is on a mission overseas. Far, FAR away from here, away from ME. But I do know that I can’t possibly stay here, not now, but…Chuuya…’

‘I love him, I know it but, Chuuya doesn’t love me, and I can’t stay here any longer, I need to disappear, I want to see through Odasaku’s dying words, to be on the side that saves people.’

Chuuya feels his eyes burn at the next words written on the page-

‘I want to take Chuuya with me, I WANT Chuuya with me, but he’s loyal to the mafia, NOT me. It’s his family, and I can’t take that away from him just to run away to god knows where with me. It wouldn’t be fair and I don’t want to turn Chuuya into a traitor too and have a bounty on his head.’

“I would’ve gone with you,” Chuuya whispers to himself as tears prick his eyes- “Without a second thought.”

Because you’re my family, too.

He continues reading, even as his vision blurs from the tears-

‘I regret so many things, but…’

‘I think one of the things I regret the most is not kissing Chuuya when I had the chance. I’ll miss him, I’ll miss seeing his face, his blue eyes, his smile and teasing him till he grabs me by the collar and shouts in my face. I hope he’ll have a good life, even without me in it.’

It’s when there are no words left, that Chuuya closes the journal softly and lets out a shaky breath that he didn’t know he was holding in.

He sits in silence for a long while, and makes a life-changing decision-

“I have to go after him.”

That night, Nakahara Chuuya packs up his things, leaves a note for Kouyou, and runs away into the night, prepared to find his mess of an ex-partner, no matter how long it will take. He will not let Dazai go without getting their feelings out into the open. This might be the only chance he gets, and he will not waste it.

 

--

 

To any normal person, it might be impossible to track Dazai down. He’s smart, sly, knows how to hide as if he never even existed.

But Chuuya isn’t a normal person, he knows Dazai too well, has had to, but even so it still takes him three months to track down the mackerel.

To say he is tired would be an understatement. He has chased this fucker around the god damn world. He almost caught up to him in New York, he was so close, but the bastard is good, too good.

And after all of that, he ends up back in Japan, in Hokkaido to be exact, where he has tracked Dazai down to a small motel.

It’s night time when he makes his way along the outside of the building, scanning for Dazai’s room number which he got from the receptionist, having asked for a Tsushima Shuuji. It’s a name that Dazai only used with Chuuya. Honestly, it’s like the asshole wants Chuuya to find him.

He stops in front of the door, taking a deep breath, steadying his nerves. He has no idea how this will go, but he didn’t chase him around the globe to just chicken out and go home now.

If he even has a home now that he left.

He lifts his arm slowly, pausing for a moment and closing his eyes, before opening them again and knocking firmly.

Nothing.

Chuuya isn’t surprised.

He knocks again, and after a moment there is still nothing.

Fuck this.

“Oi mackerel! Open this fucking door or I’ll break it off!”

That seems to work, because he hears shuffling mixed with a muffled curse and then the door is opening slowly, revealing the man he has worked so hard to find.

And Chuuya didn’t realise just how much he’s missed him.

He takes in the man before him, wearing grey trackpants and a white t-shirt. He looks well enough-but tired, the slight bags under his eyes a definite indicator.

Chuuya also notices that Dazai’s hair is damp, and no bandages in sight. He must have just come out of the shower.

Chuuya takes a step forward, preparing to speak, but before he can get any words out, Dazai cuts him off.

“You shouldn’t be here, Chuuya,” he says tiredly, as if the redhead is a nuisance.

Chuuya grits his teeth, eyes burning with anger this time, and not tears- “Are you serious? I tracked you all around the damn world and this is what you say to me? After we haven’t seen eachother in months!?”

“I didn’t ask you to come look for me!” Dazai snaps and Chuuya flinches, eyes widening and the brunette feels bad, but continues- “You should go before the Mafia labels you as a traitor as well.”

Dazai doesn’t wait for a response, instead deciding to close the door, but a boot wedges in between it and the door frame before it shuts.

At first glance the room is dark, with the only source of light being the moonlight filtering in through the half-opened blinds. It illuminates Dazai beautifully, stealing Chuuya’s breath away.

Chuuya

No, Dazai-” Chuuya shakes his head and shoves the door open as he grabs the diary out of his jacket pocket and shoves it against the brunette’s chest, almost winding him.

“What is…?” Dazai asks before his eyes widen in realisation, his face heating up remembering all of what he wrote in the diary in his hand, all of what he confessed.

But as usual, when feelings become involved, the great Dazai Osamu always pretends it didn’t happen.

“I don’t know why this would make you want to find me–“ Dazai tries to say, but Chuuya isn’t letting him make this any less than what it is. He isn’t letting him run away, not this time.

“Like hell bastard! Are you trying to tell me that all of what you wrote was some lie? Getting jealous when I’d date someone else? Writing that one of your biggest regrets was not kissing me when you had the chance? Saying that you love me!?”

Dazai remains silent, looking down. He has no excuses, Chuuya isn’t giving him any. The brunette loves him too much to even attempt it.

Chuuya stares at him long and hard, his anger slowly disappearing, turning into near desperation, “Tell me you don’t love me, Dazai. Tell me it was a lie, some cruel mistake, and I’ll leave.”

 

Dazai can’t.

 

The brunette stands still, diary clutched loosely in his hand, and he barely even registers Chuuya coming closer.

What he does register though, is a pair of gloved hands reaching up to cup his cheeks, and pulling him down to press their lips together.

It only takes Dazai a second before he drops the diary, forgotten as it falls to the floor, and wrapping his arms around Chuuya’s back, letting out a soft noise of wanting.

The kiss is slow. Lips sliding together gently, cautiously, learning each other’s mouths for the first time with soft nips and even softer caresses.

God this is so

 

Perfect.

 

That’s the only word that could describe this.

It feels so good to be wrapped up in Dazai’s arms like this and - did they get bigger?

He feels so warm and big and familiar. Fuck, he even smells the same.

Chuuya lets out a small keening noise when Dazai nips at his bottom lip before sucking it into his mouth and letting out a groan in response.

Chuuya wraps his arms around Dazai’s neck tightly, pressing their chests impossibly close together, but still not close enough.

Arms wrap even tighter around him, encircling his whole back. Dazai straightens up, lifting Chuuya who lets out a noise of surprise between the kisses when his feet end up dangling inches off of the floor.

Normally this kind of display highlighting their unfair height difference would annoy the redhead. But right now, cuddled in the arms of the man he loves, he supposes he can let it slide, just this once.

The kiss deepens, with Dazai coaxing Chuuya’s lips open with his upper lip, then sliding his tongue inside with a soft moan.

Chuuya has never been kissed like this.

All the other kisses before were silly, rushed and frantic clashes of teeth. Kisses that didn’t mean anything. Kisses from strangers.

But this?

This is a deep and loving caress of lips and tongues. It’s warm. It’s new and familiar at the same time. This isn’t just a kiss, it’s a deep connection forming between two people who understand eachother completely.

It feels like he could fall and Dazai would be there to catch him.

Even if Dazai hasn’t said the words out loud yet, Chuuya can feel them.

 

He loves him.

 

It’s in the way Dazai’s tongue swipes over his own, the way his arms tighten even more around Chuuya, holding him ever closer. It’s the soft noises of wanting he can hear, and the vibrations of them he can feel against his lips from the taller man.

 

God.

Why did we waste so much time?

 

The kisses start to slow, an affectionate brush of lips, and Dazai, however reluctantly, sighs as he begins to set him down.

‘No wait, I don’t want this to end…’

Dazai presses one last kiss to Chuuya’s plush lips and lets out a shaky breath once he has two feet back on the floor. Dazai rests their foreheads together and silence fills the small motel room. A silence that begins to make Chuuya nervous, worried Dazai is about to shove him away, but as he starts to speak, Dazai cuts him off.

Chuuya…” Dazai swallows thickly, hands tightening where they’re now placed on Chuuya’s hips- “I don’t think I’ll be able to hold myself back if I keep kissing you.”

Chuuya’s breath catches in his throat, nails digging into Dazai’s shoulders as the next words he speaks just tumble out of his mouth, breathless, “Then don’t, Osamu.”

Dazai lets out a low growl, lifting his head and smashing their lips together, pulling the redhead even closer as one hand moves up to tangle in his hair.

The first kiss was soft, cautious. This kiss is different. It’s determined, filled with a want and need that has always been…there hidden beneath the surface but is now finally being released into the open.

Chuuya’s arms trail up to circle around Dazai’s neck again, running his fingers through thick brown waves. He stands on his toes, trying to get as close as possible, to taste as much of Dazai as he can, to feel as much of him as he can.

Dazai wasn’t lying. He doesn’t hold back. He doesn’t hold back while he strips Chuuya of his jacket, of his shirt and his pants as they inch closer to the bed. He doesn’t hold back when he pushes Chuuya backwards onto the mattress, the redhead’s back bouncing slightly from the impact. And he doesn’t hold back when he slips between Chuuya’s spread legs – a perfect fit – and grinds down in a delicious roll of his hips, coaxing an even more delicious moan out of Chuuya’s lips.

Chuuya didn’t quite know what he expected to happen once he tracked Dazai down, but he certainly didn’t expect to end up on his back and squirming against the sheets 20 minutes later. Definitely not with his bare, love-bitten thighs hooked over broad shoulders as Dazai opens him up with his tongue. But as Chuuya lets out a breathless gasp of his lovers’ name, he doesn’t think there is anywhere else he’d rather be.

“I– “ Chuuya lets out a surprised moan when Dazai slips his tongue inside of him, massaging his inner walls, leaving Chuuya’s mind foggy with pleasure while building him up agonizingly slow- ” –D-Dazai, d-do you have to do this? I-It’s embarrassing, and we have lube, you don’t need to– “ He lets out a choked breath as the tongue inside of him slips out, before soft lips kiss his rim affectionately.

“I know, but” Dazai peppers open mouthed kisses along the redhead’s ass, smiling against his skin when he feels Chuuya shiver- “I’ve wanted to do this for a while, Chuuya.”

“I–f-fuck–,” Chuuya gets cut off again as Dazai slides his tongue against his ass, leisurely massaging it around Chuuya’s rim and rubbing reassuring circles against his hips with his thumbs.

Chuuya lets out a shaky breath and turns his head into the pillow, face bright red and chest flushed as his thoughts wander in an attempt to distract himself from the embarrassment, but they just go back to the same thought-

‘What if this really is the first and last night that they will ever be together like this? He should enjoy it, right? Make the absolute most of it?’

He lets out a surprised squeak once he feels Dazai’s tongue slip back inside of him, except this time one of the brunette’s thumbs is now massaging his rim. Chuuya’s cock jerks and his heels dig into Dazai’s shoulders, toes curling. He’s never had anyone eat him out before, but no matter how embarrassing and new this may be, he cannot deny how good it feels.

Chuuya hears Dazai laugh affectionately over his reactions and the redhead lets out a groan because the bastard is enjoying this.

Fuck it.

Chuuya turns his face, looking down at the messy brown hair below, his hand trails down to run his fingers in it gently, caressing Dazai’s scalp.

Dazai lets out a soft hum, smirking- “Change your mind, did you love?”

Chuuya scoffs and moves his hips, hand tightening in brown locks. Dazai seems to get the hint, happily going back to what he was doing, the feel of Chuuya fucking himself on his tongue making his own cock pulse almost painfully in his pants. He moves his hand down, eagerly releasing his cock and groaning when he gives it a couple quick strokes with his fist.

Chuuya lets out soft pants as his head sinks back down into the pillow, mouth parted and digging his heels even harder against Dazai’s shoulders, pulling the brunette closer.

Fuck dignity, fuck embarrassment, he will ride Dazai’s tongue to the fucking moon and back-it feels so damn good.

Dazai hooks his arms around Chuuya’s thighs, moaning softly as he delves his tongue in even deeper, effectively burying his face in Chuuya’s ass as he works his tongue in and out.

Dazai is lost in his own thoughts as he pulls Chuuya apart with his tongue. His thoughts being completely focused on Chuuya.

His soft skin, goosebumps forming when he slides his fingers over him, feeling him tremble with anticipation. And god, Dazai thought Chuuya had a lot of freckles on his face but, on his body? They’re endless.

His shoulders, his hips, and he’s sure there are even more on his back and even his ass. It’s like a whole star system just waiting for him to map with his lips and tongue, to kiss each one he can find.

There are so many words that could describe Chuuya…

Gorgeous.

Ethereal.

Incredible.

But there is one that suits him perfectly in this moment-

 

God he’s just so

 

“You’re so beautiful…” Dazai breathes out when he leans back, eyes burning into ocean blues as Chuuya gasps out, face turning even redder.

“It’s finally me making you moan like this, hearing how beautiful you sound, how beautiful you look, knowing it’s me making you feel this way.” He leans in to lick a long stripe up the side of Chuuya’s cock, twitching and leaking against his stomach, relishing in the lewd moan that action rewards him with.

So fucking gorgeous-” Dazai states, breathless while he moves a hand down to finally push his pants all the way down, kicking them off. He grabs the lube in the process, pouring a generous amount onto his fingers before kissing his way back up Chuuya’s body. He stops at a nipple, massaging it with his tongue slowly while he rubs Chuuya’s rim gently, coating it with lube.

“Daz–,” Chuuya cuts off his name in a moan, arching his back when Dazai wraps his lips around his nipple and gives it a firm suck. Dazai slowly eases his finger passed his rim at the same time, smiling against his skin when he feels the redhead shudder.

Dazai kisses his way up his collarbone, and finds a spot in his neck that makes Chuuya’s toes curl, all the while slowly thrusting his finger in and out of him. encountering little resistance since Dazai already opened Chuuya up a little with his tongue.

“I never stopped; you know, not for a second.”

Chuuya’s eyelids flutter, trying to make sense of what Dazai just said but he can’t, especially not when Dazai starts easing in a second finger.

“W-What…?” Chuuya asks softly, voice shaky.

Dazai smiles as he mouths his way up to his lover’s ear before whispering, and it isn’t fair how Chuuya’s body reacts to hearing the words.

 

Loving you.”

 

Dazai isn’t blind to the way Chuuya’s eyes dilate, or the way the redhead tightens around his fingers once the words had passed his lips.

Maybe it’s cruel to hook his fingers to rub against the redhead’s prostate when he notices Chuuya start to speak. But he doesn’t regret it when he hears the loud and unrestrained moan Chuuya lets out. Or the way Chuuya arches his back, hips coming down in short movements as Chuuya tries to get him to do it again.

 

Because Dazai…

 

He doesn’t know what would happen if he hears those words from Chuuya. Because he knows, he knows that after tonight, to make sure Chuuya isn’t labelled a traitor too, that…

He has to let him go. No matter how much it hurts him.

Let him have this, he thinks to himself, please. Let yourself have Chuuya, for just one night.

Chuuya on the other hand isn’t sure if he’s annoyed or not at the fact that Dazai effectively silenced him. But his want of telling Dazai how he feels right now is being pushed back by his need of getting fucked by him.

His mind is foggy with pleasure, by the stretch when Dazai wiggles a third finger in beside the other two. He feels mindless, fuelled by desire. His cock is leaking neglected on his stomach with the occasional friction when Dazai’s abs brush against him, making him tremble.

“D-Dazai, I-I need– “

“I know, sweetheart. But just a little more, relax for me, okay?” Dazai coos soothingly as he resumes kissing in Chuuya’s neck, sucking his pulse point as he begins rutting his own erection against Chuuya’s thigh.

Chuuya preens at the name, and moves his thigh back against him, biting his lip with hunger at the noises he manages to pull out of Dazai.

He thrusts his fingers inside of Chuuya a few more times before slipping them out gently, kissing the following whine that falls from Chuuya’s lips at the emptiness.

Dazai pats the sheets in search of the condom he placed there along with the lube. He’s been tested, and he hasn’t really had any partners recently, but he isn’t sure how Chuuya feels about it–

That is, until a hand is placed over his own, bright blue eyes staring at him with so much affection that Dazai doesn’t quite know what to do with it.

“I want to feel all of you, every inch.” Chuuya explains, smiling so sweetly that Dazai sees the faint indent of a dimple, and god, if he doesn’t want to make him smile wider so he sees it more.

Dazai nods, swallowing thickly, grabbing the lube and pouring a generous amount onto his cock. He lets out a choked grunt when his hands are batted away and replaced with Chuuya’s, stroking him up and down slowly, massaging his head between his fingers. 

The brunette leans forward to capture Chuuya’s lips in a slow kiss, tracing his hands up his thighs, his hips and to his shoulders to push Chuuya back against the sheets.

But that isn’t what happens-

Dazai lets out a startled gasp when he’s the one being moved and his back pressed against the sheets, with Chuuya climbing on top of him. And the sight is so erotic that it has Dazai’s fingers clenching in the sheets.

“I want to ride you-” Chuuya says as he hovers over him, hands pressed against Dazai’s chest for support.

One of Dazai’s hands finds his hip, rubbing gentle circles into his soft skin as his other grabs his cock, rubbing the head, wet with lube, against Chuuya’s entrance, making Chuuya squirm.

“Yeah?” Dazai’s gaze darkens, eyes half-lidded- “Fuck me, baby.”

 

And god, he will.

 

Chuuya lowers himself down and fuck, the head feels big.

If this is the first and last time that they’re together like this, he wants it to be good. He wants to leave a good impression, he wants to ruin Dazai for anyone he has after him, and he’s sure there will be plenty.

He fights back the tears, whether it’s from the stretch, the delicious burn as he lowers himself slowly, hearing Dazai’s comforting words of encouragement and barely restrained groans, or from the fact that he really doesn’t want Dazai to be with anyone else. But feeling like that isn’t fair, so let him have this.

 

I want to be his last.

 

It takes a bit, but eventually when Chuuya is finally seated on top of him, cock buried deep inside, he gasps, trying to catch his breath from the stretch and relax.

And Dazai is there, rubbing his hips and smiling up at him so sweetly, even if he’s breathing heavily himself and wants nothing more than to thrust up into that tight heat pulsing around his cock. He will wait for when Chuuya feels ready to move.

That’s when Chuuya says it, when he lets the words fall, because he might not get another chance–

“I-I love you. I always have I–”

“Chuu– “

No- let me say this, I need to.”

And Dazai closes his mouth, thumbs not stilling in their soothing patterns on Chuuya’s hips.

This is bad-Dazai can already feel his determination to leave the Mafia slipping through his fingers at Chuuya’s words.

And Dazai is happy, he is so happy he’s practically buzzing.

To hear the words come from the love of his life? Finding out he loves him too? In normal circumstances he would be ecstatic, screaming from the roof tops but–

Their circumstances right now? It makes those words complicated.

“I’m sorry tha–,” Chuuya lets out a choked moan when he wiggles his hips experimentally, “that I didn’t notice it sooner. How you felt about me.”

Dazai’s head presses back against the pillow, letting out a moan while Chuuya pulses around him- “I-It’s okay, chibi.”

Chuuya pinches his brows together, spreading his thighs a little wider and curving his back. He rolls his hips sinfully, slowly moving up on Dazai’s cock and then back down- “B-But, we wasted so much time.”

“W-We didn’t waste any time, baby-” His hands tighten on Chuuya’s hips, guiding the red-head on his cock, “Fuck, you feel so good.”

Chuuya turns bright red, biting his lip and picking up the pace just a little, wanting to pull even more moans out of the man underneath him.

Dazai slides so perfectly inside of him. He can feel him twitch and throb as he rides him. His cock sliding just shy of his prostate, but when it hits, Chuuya trembles, tensing up and letting out soft moans from the pleasure. It feels so good and–

He doesn’t want this to be the last time, not at all.

 

But–

 

“Just-” Chuuya swallows thickly, fighting back more tears- “If this is our only night together, don’t forget me, okay?”

Dazai’s eyes snap open, and Chuuya lets out a startled yelp when he’s suddenly flipped with his back landing and getting pinned against the sheets.

“Osa–!,” Chuuya is cut off when Dazai captures his lips in a deep kiss. He lines himself up, sliding back inside of him in one fluid motion and setting a steady rhythm, slow, deep, forcing the redhead to feel every inch of him.

“As if I could ever forget you, Chuuya.” Dazai gasps against his lips, moving his hands up to interlace them with Chuuya’s by his head on the bed.

Each slide of Dazai’s cock is hitting his prostate in perfect precision, heightening his senses and tightening the ever-increasing pleasure in his gut. He whimpers and tightens his grip on Dazai’s hands as he milks his most sensitive spots.

“I could never forget your beautiful blue eyes. Eyes that easily puts the night sky filled to the brim with stars to shame.” He punctuates that last part with a sensual roll of his hips, pushing himself even deeper.

“Or your hair. God, Chuuya, I would spend many days staring at you when you weren’t looking, just to catch your hair glowing in the sunlight.”

Chuuya continues to moan, barely even able to speak, his eyes half-lidded and face a bright red. Somehow, he manages to wrap his trembling thighs around Dazai’s waist, interlocking his ankles. His toes curl when Dazai starts massaging and grinding against his prostate with pin-point accuracy, unrelenting.

“Don’t think of me forgetting you, sweetheart. Think of me remembering everything about you.”

A tear slips out despite Chuuya’s best efforts to keep them in. He doesn’t want to let him go, he doesn’t.

“And now, after tonight, I will remember new things I never thought I would ever get to experience. The touch of your skin, the feel of your soft lips moving against my own.” He leans down at that moment to give Chuuya a loving kiss, bringing his hands down to cup his cheeks and tilt his head to deepen it. Chuuya whimpers and moves his arms up and around Dazai’s neck, stroking the curls he finds at the base of his neck.

Dazai traces his tongue along Chuuya’s lips, swallowing his gorgeous sounds, “How amazing it feels to be inside of you. How you pulse and tighten around my cock when I move just right, or say just the right thing.” He picks up the pace and Chuuya arches his back, nails digging into Dazai’s shoulders, mouth hanging open with silent moans.

“You’ve ruined me, baby. You’ve ruined me for anyone else.”

“Y-You–” Chuuya swallows, trying to collect his thoughts from being fucked so thoroughly- “You’ve ruined me for anyone else, too.”

Dazai smiles, bangs sticking to his forehead from the sweat. His hips move faster, harder, working to push them both over the edge- “I love you Chuuya, and that is never going to change.”

“I-I love you, so much.” Chuuya brings Dazai’s head closer, kissing him breathless and using his legs to help push Dazai even deeper inside of him.

They both don’t last long after that. Their orgasms hit them hard, aided by their overflowing emotions.

Chuuya sighs contently, nuzzling against Dazai’s hair where the brunette is resting in his neck. His thighs tingle from the strain, dropping his legs on the bed tiredly.

They don’t talk, not for a little while, content to just lay together and soak in their bliss for just a little longer.

Neither of them is looking forward to what comes next. Chuuya knows, he knows he probably has to clean up and leave soon, to go back to the Mafia, a place where Dazai isn’t.

A place where Chuuya isn’t sure he even wants to be anymore.

Dazai slides out slowly, pressing a kiss against Chuuya’s cheek with a smile when Chuuya whines at being parted from him, mumbling something about going and getting a cloth to clean them up.

He returns quickly, having wiped himself up already and helps Chuuya with cleaning up himself.

And just when Chuuya is starting to move off of the bed to grab his clothes and leave because he is sure that is what he has to do–

He is pulled back into warm arms and against an even warmer chest, with a face burying into his mused curls affectionately.

“Stay with me tonight, please.”

Chuuya isn’t strong enough to say no. Even when he’s sure that staying will just hurt him more.

 

Because…

 

Because he knows that when he wakes up, Dazai will be gone.

Chuuya buries his face into Dazai’s neck, wrapping his arms around his waist and shifting his legs to tangle them with his lover’s.

Dazai’s chest swells with affection over how absolutely adorable Chuuya is. He kisses his head, hand drawing swirling patterns over his hip.

“Just…-,” Chuuya starts, voice small, “When you leave, don’t wake me up.”

Dazai’s heart aches, “Chib– “

“Because if you do,” Chuuya croaks out, “I won’t be able to let you go.”

Chuuya falls asleep shortly after that, emotionally and physically exhausted, cradled in Dazai’s arms.

 

And Dazai–

 

He has a lot to think about.

 

--

 

Morning eventually comes, warm sunlight filtering in through the blinds and covering the bed in a soft glow.

Chuuya stirs, brows pinching together at the slowly increasing warmth on his back. He doesn’t want to wake up yet, because when he does Dazai won’t be here.

He’ll be faced with the fact he’ll be alone, and he isn’t ready to deal with that. Not yet, possibly not ever.

He is so caught up with his thoughts that he barely registers the warmth and subtle movement under him, and the hand playing with his hair gently.

But when he does, his eyes snap open and head whips up, and he is greeted with the face of the man he thought he would never see again after last night. 

“Wh-Wha–,” Chuuya stutters out, but words just aren’t forming.

Dazai smiles sweetly, honey brown eyes glinting in the sunlight, “You’ve left me with quite the conundrum, chibi.”

“I-I’m–,“ Chuuya licks his lips, his mouth suddenly dry- “I’m confused, I thought you were leaving.”

Dazai grins affectionately, dimples teasing the corners of his mouth, “You’ve got a lot more freckles than I originally thought you did.”

Chuuya blinks, even more confused- “Y-Yeah? So?”

Dazai brings his hand up to cup Chuuya’s cheek, thumb rubbing his cheek bone- “What I’m trying to say is, I want to spend the rest of my life counting those freckles.”

Chuuya’s eyes widen in shock, mouth dropping open and trembling slightly, worried this is all just a dream, “Y-You mean…?”

“Come with me.”

 

Chuuya doesn’t even need to think.

 

“Yes.” Chuuya smiles just as bright, as his eyes tear up, it’s one of the easiest answers he’s ever given.

Dazai leans down to capture Chuuya’s lips in a soft kiss, sighing happily.

Chuuya melts into the kiss, hands resting against Dazai’s chest.

“I can’t promise that it will be easy,” Dazai whispers against his lips, “that we won’t struggle or fight but…,” Dazai lifts Chuuya’s left hand, kissing his ring finger softly, eyes staring right back into teary blue- “I promise that I will always be with you, support you, and when we come out from hiding after two years, I’d love to put a ring on this finger, if you’ll have me.”

“I will, I always will, Osamu.”

Dazai rolls him over, kissing him breathless against the sheets. They’ll leave soon, when Dazai is finished showing him how much he loves him for a second time. They’ll leave and never look back.

 

In two years, they’ll emerge, with records stripped clean and matching gold rings on their fingers that glint in the sunlight.

They won’t open doors to a big black building shrouded in pain and death, but instead, they’ll open doors to an agency, an agency that works to save people.

 

And they will do it together.

 

It will take some getting used to, and just like Dazai said, it won’t be easy, especially since the Mafia has been all both of them has known for such a long time.

But well…

 

Home is where the heart is and Dazai has had his heart from the very beginning.