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Four Times Pregnancy Totally Got in the Way of Making Out

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1. At the club

 

Kate thinks she must be smashed, because she and Angie are grinding like two people who are really into each other. Which they clearly are not.

 

It has to be the drunkenness that’s causing Kate to rest her hands on Angie’s hips, and maybe trail her fingers up to cup Angie’s boob.

 

And, okay, Kate has no idea what made Angie spin around and crush her lips to Kate’s, but it’s totally the alcohol that’s making her kiss Angie back.

 

Kate breaks the liplock and slurs angrily, “Are you drunk?!”

 

Angie tosses her head and grins.

 

“Can’t be. I’m pregnant.”

 

 

 

2. As a distraction

 

"Can I... touch it?" Kate asks with a touch of awe.

 

Shit.

 

"Uh, I don't really think that's a good--" but Kate's hand is approaching Angie's belly like it's some sacred fertility thing.

 

Think fast!

 

Angie kisses Kate. And kisses and kisses her.

 

Kate pulls away with a look of shock. "I, um... I should go. There's this thing... in my bedroom," she half-asses, and scurries away.

 

And Angie's super glad Kate wasn't into it, because successfully hiding a fake pregnancy during a makeout sesh seems pretty improbable.

 

But. It still kind of sucks that Kate wasn't into it.

 

 

 

3. Caught up in the moment

 

One minute they’re laughing hysterically together, and the next it’s dawning on Kate that this is one of those moments where two people realize they’re dangerously close together and wind up kissing. She’s never had one of those with a woman before.

 

Maybe just once, she thinks, to get it out of my system...

 

So they kiss, and it’s only when Angie pulls back minutes later that Kate realizes she forgot to breathe. Huh.

 

She glances at Angie’s belly squished between them and murmurs, “I feel like there’s something between us.”

 

Angie doesn’t get the reference but laughs anyway.

 

Huh.

 

 

 

4. During a crisis

 

“... And he hates ‘Lady in Red!’”

 

Angie nods knowingly. “I told you. Two good, righteous people together is a recipe for disaster.”

 

 “Clearly I’m doomed to be alone for all eternity.”

 

“Kate, don’t worry! Someday you’ll meet a really horrible person who complements you perfectly.”

 

Kate looks like she might cry, but then she's kissing Angie, and. Well. Okay then.

 

When they finally come up for air, Kate gazes down at Angie thoughtfully.

 

“Are you a horrible person?”

 

Angie brushes her fingers across her swollen belly and tries to swallow past the sting in her throat.

 

“Yeah. I am.”

 

 

 

5. ...and one time it didn't.


The babies are finally down; the traditional evening kitchen catastrophe has been contained; and the two women sprawled across Kate's sofa could very well be mistaken for zombies, complete with mindless moaning, except that the food on their shirts is actual food instead of brains.

 

Well. Assuming carrot-and-coconut baby food counts as "actual food." Kate plans to look into that, someday when she's capable of coherent thought.

 

"Damn," Kate breathes, "and I thought being pregnant was rough."

 

"I know, right?" Angie commiserates.

 

Kate leans closer to Angie (really, in her exhausted state, it's more like slumping closer to Angie) and stage-whispers, "Sometimes I wish my baby was still a fetus."

 

Angie huffs a laugh. "I don't. Know why?"

 

"Hmm?"

 

"Because when you were pregnant, I couldn't do this," Angie smirks, and takes Kate's bottom lip gently between her own. It wakes Kate up a little bit. Not a whole lot - she'll never possess Angie's boundless ability to generate energy out of thin air, especially for sex things - but enough for her to kiss back, at least.

 

Angie breaks away first and bats her eyelashes at Kate. "Let's go take a hot bath, hmm?"

 

"Angie, last time we did that, we fell asleep and flooded the bathroom."

 

"And the floor needed a scrubbing, so it was a win-win!"

 

Kate fights through a haze of lethargy to fix Angie with a suitably unamused glare.

 

"Come ooooooon," Angie singsongs, supremely unperturbed. "I'll do that thing with the showerhead again!"

 

"Ergh" is the closest possible approximation to the sound that Kate makes as she struggles to her feet. "Only because last time Stefani started crying before I finished," she grumbles.

 

"Yeeeeah, sorry about that. If that happens this time, we'll just let her cry, k? I hear that's supposed to be good for kids, anyway."

 

Kate starts to protest, but something else occurs to her. "Wait, why couldn't you kiss me when I was pregnant?"

 

"Um, because there was a baby in the way?" Angie replies, leading Kate by the hand down the hallway. "Duh."

 

"Good point."

 

"Also because there was a dude banging you regularly."

 

"True. Glad we got rid of him."

 

Angie glances at her adoringly. "Me too," she says with uncharacteristic softness, and Kate's not sure if it's because Angie isn't much for sappiness or because they're passing by the babies' room, but either way is pretty damn perfect.