The whole world is spinning with you.
You look at her hands, because even drunk, you can’t look her in the eyes. You’re afraid what you would see. So you’re just keep looking at her hands, cool and calming on your sweaty forehead. You can’t help but sigh at the touch – her fingers fondle your skin, and you close your eyes.
You feel her warmth beside you. You scoot closer to her, if she’s the only thing you can hold onto. You don’t realize that you hands were shaking. There’s something cold against your mouth – for a moment you wish it was her lips, and you’re a bit dissapointed when you taste water. However, you’re grateful.
You take the glass from her and you allow yourself to open your eyes again. This time you’re searching for her gaze, and when you find it – the whole world stops.
The whole world is actually on your tounge, you desperately try to say something, you’ve already opened your mouth, but instead speaking you just vomit in the toilet pan. You’re ashamed of your weakness, and you want to banish her, spat her helping hands away, but you can’t. You let her hold your hair while you’re shaking. She sooths you with her quiet words, occasionally drawing intricate lines on your back.
You breathe out – she shouldn’t see you like this. But you needed her to pull you out of… what exactly? You don’t know anymore, you just stutter something half-audible that you’re fine, however your words sounds like cheap lies.
- Why did you do it? – she asks simply. You’re not sure if she wants to hear the answer. Slowly you wipe your mouth, and lean on the cold wall.
- It’s almost like an experiment – you laugh without joy. She frowns at your statement, but waits for the continuation. – Like… how many drinks I need to get your attention.
Silence. For a moment there’s deafening silence between you. Then she just huffs resignedly, but smiles, which suprises you. You expected rage and sadness.
- You’re so dumb sometimes – she says while looking at you. Again, you’re amazed by her eyes – you try to decipher her unsaid truths, but you fail for the hundredth time.
You just nod, and the world keeps spinning.