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Not This Shit Again (TCFAG 2)

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Listen Up, Fuckers

 

Thursday, 7:00 am

 

CATana: Everyone meet at the agency at noon

 

CATana: this meeting isn’t optional

 

Bandades_and_Babes: sucks to be u ADA, someones in trouble

 

CATana: u too Tachihara

 

Bandades_and_Babes: wait what?

 

Noticemesenpai: lol now who’s in trouble

 

Bandades_and_Babes: shut up Ichiyou

 

Furry: President, can I ask what the meeting is about?

 

CATana: you may not

 

Ginge: does this meeting include me?

 

CATana: yes

 

Ginge: okay

 

AngryChuuyaNoises: I’m still trying to make arrangements for my deceased members

 

CATana: please do your best to be there, Chuuya-kun

 

AngryChuuyaNoises: okay

 

AngryChuuyaNoises: as long as Tachihara isn’t being a little shit

 

Bandades_and_Babes: why are you all picking on me??

 

Noticemesenpai: Because its fun why else?

 

Furry: @HamsterChow did u ever find Dazai-san?

 

HamsterChow: I did yes

 

Ginge: was he in a bucket again?

 

AngryChuuyaNoises: better not have been or im gunna kick his ass

 

HamsterChow: no he wasn’t

 

AngryChuuyaNoises: so how was he fucking off then?

 

HamsterChow: ill tell you later

 

AngryChuuyaNoises: okay?

 

No: can you guys actually have a normal sleep schedule for once?

 

Ginge: can u not light on fire as soon as its daylight?

 

No: hahaha very funny

 

Ginge: I thought so

 

GremlinwaKnife: so did I

 

Ginge: teamwork

 

GremlinwaKnife: hell yeah

 

TofuThief: shut up and let me go back to sleep

 

No: silence your phone

 

TofuThief: doesn’t stop atsushi’s phone from buzzing against the closet door

 

No: pfft

 

GremlinwaKnife: keep it up atsushi

 

Furry: I plan to. Im watching youtube w it leaning against the wall

 

Furry: nvm kyouka nearly ripped the door off

 

GremlinwaKnife: atta girl

 

TofuThief: it was annoying me

 

Furry: ur violent

 

TofuThief: it could be ur balls instead

 

Furry: that’s okay I don’t need to have kids

 

No: kids?

 

Ginge: more like he just wants to be able to nut

 

Furry: shut it

 

Ginge: make me

 

Furry: I cant kyouka might slice me if I wake her up again

 

Thoushaltshutup: wait wtf why r u all awake we don’t start work until like nine

 

Bandades_and_Babes: b cim being bullied

 

Furry: the President called a mandatory meeting for everyone at noon

 

Thoushaltshutup: oh?

 

Thoushaltshutup: @CATana is everything okay?

 

CATana: everything will be explained at the meeting

 

Furry: is someone like dead or something??

 

CATana: no no one is dead

 

Furry: okay that’s a relief

 

Thoushaltshutup: almost gave me a heart attack

 

Furry: yeah I don’t think we can deal with that rn esp not u

 

Thoushaltshutup: my thoughts exactly kid

 

Furry: im psychic

 

Ginge: no youre just stupid

 

Furry: psychic ~

 

Ginge: ffs

 

Furry: fuck u go back to sleep

 

Ginge: I cant

 

Noticemesenpai: why not?

 

Ginge: Naomi is getting ready for school and singing obnoxiously in the shower

 

GremlinwaKnife: oof glad im not there

 

No: ill go sing instead

 

Furry: yes bc that’s a punishment ryu

 

No: it is

 

Noticemesenpai: literally shut up before I murder you

 

No: no

 

Noticemesenpai: whoops I guess ill have to load my gun

 

No: big scary

 

Thoushaltshutup: guys wtf

 

KyoukasBitch: shut the fuck up and let me sleep

 

Ginge: turn ur ringer off little man

 

KyoukasBitch: It IS off

 

KyoukasBitch: but that doesn’t stop the incessant BUZZING

 

Furry: using big words when ur tired huh?

 

KyoukasBitch: I will cut you

 

Furry: with what

 

KyoukasBitch: I got too many options don’t even try me

 

Ginge: lol same

 

Thoushaltshutup: nO—

 

Ginge: relax u have them

 

Thoushaltshutup: oh yeah

 

KyoukasBitch: how r u a doctor

 

Thoushaltshutup: someones cranky

 

Furry: see this is why u don’t wake him

 

Bandades_and_Babes: interesting

 

Furry: no I know what ur thinking

 

Bandades_and_Babes: u know nothing

 

No: ur right about that

 

Furry: fuck off

 

No: I think u were looking for fuck u

 

Furry: yes

 

No: exactly

 

Ginge: CAN YALL STOP BEING HORNY FOR LIKE FIVE MINUTES PLS

 

Noticemesenpai: hello pot

 

Ginge: no no no

 

Ginge: no

 

Ginge: incorrect

 

Noticemesenpai: I thought that said inerrect

 

Furry: maybe right now but not for long LMAO

 

Ginge: ATSU

 

KyoukasBitch: SHUT THE FUCK UP AND NO I WILL NOT SAY PLEASE

 

Thoushaltshutup: manners Kenji

 

KyoukasBitch: manners yourself bitch doctor

 

Thoushaltshutup: what have u guys created

 

Furry: that

 

Thoushaltshutup: I hope youre happy w yourselves

 

Ginge: pls he was like that before when someone woke him up

 

Thoushaltshutup: that’s fair

 

Ginge: ik I said it

 

Thoushaltshutup: watch it…

 

Ginge: lol

 

Ginge: maybe

 

Ginge: or maybe not

 

*

 

Mumbling reverberated off the walls of the Agency in anticipation. Due to the number of individuals involved, Fukuzawa instructed Kunikida to set up chairs in the Agency’s main office instead of their miniscule meeting room, which had barely been enough for their last meeting. As more people trickled in the volume rose, which caused Kunikida to roll his eyes. Not a moment of silence with these people, he’d swear it.

 

Atsushi sat chatting with Junichiro and Kyouka in the front row, the spot next to Kyouka open for Kenji. Kunikida stood in front of them, resting against Ranpo and Poe’s now shared desk. He watched them with furrowed brows, wondering how they would take the coming news. Junichiro wasn’t in a good place himself and was particularly set off by Dazai and Atsushi was his apprentice with unwavering faith in his ability to be a good man. Would that change? And Kyouka… she partially saw herself in Dazai. So what kind of message would this put in her head?

 

Kenji slipped into the room behind Tachihara and Higuchi and wandered up to the front, plopping down in the chair beside Kyouka. Junichiro leaned forward and grinned at him, joking about his tardiness, to which the blond rolled his eyes and quipped back that he wasn’t technically late.

 

Ango appeared in the doorway, a woman with cyan hair appearing behind him, peering around the doorframe. He beckoned her to follow him in as he headed for the front of the room, waving at Kunikida. “Hey.”

 

Kunikida nodded at him. “How’s it going?”

 

Ango rubbed his temples. “Same old same old. This, is Tsujimura, by the way.”

 

“Hello!”

 

Kunikida smiled at her and held out his hand, which she immediately shook. “Hello.”

 

“Tsujimura-san?”

 

She turned to look for the voice, eyes landing on a small blond boy sitting behind her. “Yes?”

 

His face broke into a grin. “Hi! I’m Kenji!”

 

“Hi Kenji. Can you introduce me to your friends?”

 

“This is my girlfriend, Kyouka. And beside her is Atsushi and Junichiro.”

 

Her eyes paused on Junichiro for a moment, and then focused on Atsushi. “It’s nice to finally put faces to name.”

 

Atsushi rubbed the back of his neck. “I hope I wasn’t what you were imagining with a name like ‘furry.’”

 

“Oh no, of course not!”

 

“I probably was.”

 

“Yeah, well you are a ginger,” Atsushi hissed. Jun only snorted.

 

“Why don’t you sit down, Mizuki,” said Ango. “I’ll join you in a minute.”

 

She nodded and took the seat beside Kenji. “Do you guys know what this meeting is about?”

 

“No,” said Atsushi. “The President wouldn’t tell us.”

 

“That can’t be good.”

 

“Speaking of the President,” said Kyouka. “Where is he?”

 

“I haven’t seen him today,” said Atsushi.

 

“Me neither,” said Kenji.

 

“Odd.”

 

“Kunikida-san?”

 

In front of them, Kunikida glanced up and met Naomi’s eyes as she came in the door, school bag over her shoulder. “Yes, Naomi-chan?”

 

“I thought the President was running this meeting?”

 

“He is. He’s just, er, running behind.”

 

She raised a brow but said nothing, instead sitting in the chair directly behind Jun and wrapping her arms around his neck from behind. “Hey, you.”

 

He turned and pecked her cheek. “Hi. How’s school been so far?”

 

“Oh, good! I made crepes in class this morning!”

 

“Mmm, sounds good.”

 

“They were.”

 

A few pairs of eyes turned to the back of the room as two figures walked in, one being Akutagawa and the other, Chuuya. Akutagawa went straight to Atsushi and flicked his head, while Chuuya went straight to Kunikida.

 

“So, where did Dazai fuck off to yesterday? And where is he now?”

 

Kunikida blanked. “Uh…”

 

“Is it a hard question.”

 

“Yes.”

 

Chuuya gave him a look. “I don’t mean to be rude, but I’m not having a good day. I waited outside Dazai’s dorm for a few hours last night and he never showed up.”

 

“Chuuya, I, he,” Kunikida spluttered. “I’m so sorry. Something came up and I had his phone and it was all a big mess. He didn’t mean to ignore you.”

 

“Okay?”

 

“It’s all going to get explained.”

 

“What do you—”

 

The room went silent as the door swung open once more, all eyes turning to Fukuzawa. The man held a stoic expression as he stepped to the side to let someone through—Dazai. Eyes downcast and shoulders rounded, the group watched Fukuzawa usher him to the front of the room where he stood with Kunikida. Fukuzawa set a bag down on the table and began rifling through it.

 

Chuuya, while his face still showed anger, held concern in his eyes. “Where were you last night, Osamu?”

 

“Something came up.”

 

“Was it really that important?” Chuuya’s voice raised slightly above the din and Dazai flinched, backing towards Kunikida. The anger fell from Chuuya’s face. “Why are you scared of me? Did something happen?”

 

Dazai shook his head.

 

“You’re never scared of me, what’s going on?” Chuuya asked, stepping towards him.

 

Dazai stepped back again and Kunikida blocked Chuuya with an arm across his partner. “It’s going to be explained, Chuuya.”

 

“I… What’s going on?”

 

“You should sit down, Chuuya-kun,” sighed Fukuzawa. “Actually, everyone should sit down.”

 

The remainder of the people who were standing scrambled to find a seat and a hand popped up in the group. Kajii. “Where’s Mori? Isn’t he supposed to be here, too.”

 

“Yes, he’ll be here. He had a meeting and is running behind.”

 

“Are we going to wait?” Higuchi asked.

 

“No need. He already knows what I’m about to tell you all.”

 

There were some scowls and raised brows, but everyone sat attentively, waiting for Fukuzawa to begin. He glanced around the room, taking a deep breath before he began. “So, we all know what happened yesterday, correct?”

 

“With Chuuya’s subordinates?” Tachihara asked.

 

“Yes. You’re all aware that there was an incident inside of the Port Mafia’s base, resulting in the deaths of three unarmed workers under Chuuya?” A chorus of yesses. “Okay. As I remember, Mori said there would be an investigation. And there was—of sorts. We were quickly able to identify who was involved and why the incident occurred.”

 

“Who?” Akutagawa asked.

 

“Well, the reason I called you all here is because we all know who it was. And it wasn’t their fault, but—“’

 

“Dazai?” Kouyou’s voice was incredulous. “How could you do that to Chuuya?”

 

Dazai’s eyes widened and Kunikida squeezed the back of his arm. “Breathe.”

 

Fukuzawa cleared his throat. “That’s the issue. Dazai was affected by the ability of someone else.”

 

“Likely story!” Tachihara growled.

 

“Do you know of an ability user by the name of Yumeno Kyuusaku?” Immediately, a few faces in the group paled. “Yumeno cornered Dazai yesterday in the building and activated their ability, which is a mind-control type ability.”

 

“That can’t be right,” Kajii interjected. “Any ability that touches Dazai gets nullified!”

 

“Yes, well, this ability is slightly different. Because the handprint Yumeno leaves on their victim isn’t technically the ability but a side-affect, it stays on his skin. And the doll they rip to activate the mind control doesn’t touch Dazai, because if it does, then it is nullified.”

 

“So, what?” Higuchi blurted. “Yumeno gets this mind control bullshit on Dazai and he kills Chuuya’s subordinates and no one else? No harm to anything else or anyone else? I call bullshit!”

 

“If you’ll just hear us out—”

 

“Dazai…”

 

All eyes moved to Chuuya, sitting directly across from where Dazai stood. Azure eyes remained locked on him, pain and concern fighting for dominance of his features. Dazai said nothing in return, only looked back at him through his bangs, hands trembling. The group remained silent as they watched the two men, waiting for one of them to say something. But neither of them had the right words.

 

Instead, Tachi stood from his chair. “How can you look so scared when you just killed three people in cold blood?”

 

Dazai’s eyes widened and Kunikida stepped partially in front of him, sending Tachihara a warning look. In retaliation, Atsushi jumped up. “Leave him alone, Q’s ability is scarily powerful!”

 

“Oh come on. There’s no way that’s what happened!”

 

“Sit down, Tachihara,” demanded Hirotsu, beside him.

 

“Are you serious? He killed three of our own!”

 

“Not on his own free will,” growled Akutagawa, standing as well. The black coat glowed red on his back, rippling with his anger.

 

“Why are you defending someone who treated you like shit,” Gin spat. “He’s clearly capable of it!”

 

Rashoumon’s tendrils hovered in the air beside his head. “How dare you.”

 

“How dare she?” Kouyou cried, Golden Demon appearing beside her. “How dare Dazai.”

 

“Leave him alone!” Atsushi bellowed, his ears and tail appearing. “He didn’t do it on his own free will if he was under Q’s curse!”

 

“Problem’s that he wasn’t,” said Higuchi.

 

“He was,” said Hirotsu.

 

“Do you wanna go, Gramps?” Tachihara snarled, grabbing his collar and hauling him to his feet.

 

Hirotsu’s hand glowed purple. “Do you really wanna go that way?”

 

“How could you believe that guy?”

 

“He was under Q’s curse!” Naomi cried. “I’ve seen it in action!”

 

“Oh whatever,” Kajii scoffed, trying to get her and Haruno to hear him over the outbreak of separate arguments around the room. “You haven’t seen it work on Dazai, now have you?”

 

“We saw Dazai stop it once,” said Haruno. “After Atsushi cracked me over the back of the head with his tiger fist.”

 

“He choked me! And that’s not something he’d ever do!”

“Yeah, well Dazai nullified it that time. It just wouldn’t work on him.”

 

On the other side of the room, Higuchi screamed at Akutagawa, who yanked her off her feet with Rashoumon. At the same time, Gin rushed Atsushi, holding him against the wall with her knife pressed to his throat. Junichiro disappeared into thin air. Kenji watched Kyouka storm towards Dazai, Demon Snow trailing behind her.

 

His eyes widened as he glanced around the room. Gin now on Akutagawa’s back, trying to get her knife back from Rashoumon. Higuchi in mid-air while Golden demon fought Rashoumon. Fukuzwa and Yosano kneeling in front of Ranpo and Poe, who’d sank to the floor with their hands over their ears. Tsujimura bickering with Ango and Katai, the lights flickering from his anger. Atsushi and Kyouka having a yelling match in front of Kunikida, who still had a protective arm across Dazai. Kenji heard his heartbeat in his ears, his glass of water shattering in his fist.

 

As the pieces of glass hit the floor, Yosano looked over, jaw dropping at the blood dribbling out of his fist. Kenji only stared at his shaking hand.

 

The only person not involved in the chaos seemed to be Chuuya, who sat perfectly still in his chair, a red glow enveloping his body. He said nothing, only stared at Dazai, seemingly unaware of his hat floating off his head.

 

The screaming continued. Gin now sat on Akutagawa’s shoulder, yelling at him to put Higuchi down while Kouyou helped Tachihara fight Hirotsu. Ranpo and Poe had migrated to under the desk. Kunikida stepped in front of Dazai as Demon Snow encroached on him, the backswing of her arm knocking Kenji flying back into the wall. Junichiro was still nowhere to be found.

 

And then the lights shut off.

 

And back on.

 

Everyone froze, eyes trained on Mori as he strode to the front of the room. “Stop your fighting,” he said, glancing around at all of them, frozen mid-strike. “It wasn’t Dazai’s fault.”