The white roses filled up the casket, in which a young man lays. His face, once bright with joy, now faded to a ghostly pale. Ryoga stared at the dead man. It was all he could see, before the white cloth draped over the face of the person in the casket. Even now, he still couldn’t believe in what he’s seen.
That Amagiri Chihiro, the heir of the Amagiri family, was dead.
It has always been Ryoga’s duty to protect the Amagiri brothers. Whether it was the older son Chihiro, or the little one - Mahiro - it didn’t matter all that much. But his main focus before was the older brother Chihiro, until the poor lad died of a chronic illness. Now, the only one he had to take care of was Amagiri Mahiro. Ever since his brother’s death, the young master had been in a terrible condition - he hadn’t eaten or slept for the past few days. His eyes had lost its light, the bright red color of his lips faded, as if he were a wilting flower. Grief has struck him so hard he could barely sense anything. And there was nothing anyone could do about it, because Mahiro didn’t bother to respond to anything. Ryoga decided he had to do something. Before he knew it, he was already standing in front of the young master’s room.
“Mahiro? Can I come in?”
He might never respond if I just stood outside of his room, thought Ryoga. With a mighty kick, the door was forcefully opened. But Mahiro didn’t even budge. He was there, lying in bed, weakened, with the curtains drawn so that no light could get in. The mourning period was over, but Mahiro couldn’t bear to accept the fact that his brother was dead. He didn’t want to meet anyone to be confirmed that he would never be able to see Chihiro once again.
“Hey, kiddo. I brought you something.”
Mahiro was still lying motionless on the bed.
“Mahiro? Hey, kiddo.”
Mahiro finally woke up. His lively red hair was a mess, there were bags under his bloodshot eyes. He hadn’t slept in days. Needless to say, Ryoga was terrified.
“Mahiro? What’s this? Have you been awake for the past few days?”
“Leave me alone.” The boy curled up again.
“Hey, I can’t do anything Chihiro told me to if you don’t let me touch y… ”
Mahiro threw the pillow at Ryoga’s face. He was seemingly angered by this request of him. Ryoga remembered Chihiro’s last words. His heart suddenly sunk.
Since he’s been serving and befriended the older Amagiri brother for as long as he could remember, he’d always given him special treatment. He would call Chihiro “Hiro” like a friend. Come to think of it, the Amagiri brothers did have similar names. The only difference was the first kanji of their first name. Their faces were also similar, like two peas in a pod. Even though Chihiro was more outgoing and Mahiro was a bit more reserved and shy, their smiles were the same. Chihiro’s smile even stayed with him to his last moments.
“No matter what happens, promise me you would take care of my younger brother. I’m begging you.” Ryoga remembered that Chihiro had taken his hand and squeezed it so hard to the point it went numb. His gleaming brown eyes were gazing at him with a desperate plea. It was so much a person who was near his death could do to force a promise onto his lifelong friend. As such, Ryoga could never forget those eyes. He stared at Mahiro. He could see Chihiro appearing before him for a brief moment, but it was just a mere mirage.
“You wouldn’t want your older brother to worry over you even in the afterlife, right? Now, come here and let it all out at once.”
Mahiro looked up. He slowly sat up with the help of Ryoga and started to weep. His overflowing tears wet Ryoga’s vest, but he didn’t mind. It was just another one of his duties that he must fulfill.
Mahiro soon recovered from the loss. They bonded over time. Mahiro opened up to Ryoga as they talked to each other everyday. Ryoga taught him things that he’d never known, he even took him outside sometimes on special occasions. He tried his best to become the brother and father figure his young lord needed. Mahiro was grateful, for his father had never paid attention to him, and his brother was now dead. Six feet under. There was no one except for Ryoga who, he thought, really understood him and cared for him. He slowly became more and more attached to him, til he could find himself no longer able to take his mind off of his bodyguard.
Years passed, and Mahiro had become a fine young gentleman. But, one could almost say that he was the double image of his own big brother.
One summer day, Ryoga and Mahiro were sitting in garden, feeling the clovers and anemones swaying with the gentle wind of sunshine. The redhead stared at the drifting clouds, while his bodyguard took that time to catch a nap. Suddenly, Mahiro asked a rather ambiguous question:
“Ryo-san, do you love me?”
“Love? Of course. I’d love to spend my days with you.” Thinking that it was nothing but a childish question, Ryoga answered jokingly. But that wasn’t the reply Mahiro was waiting for. He wanted more. He changed his tone, making a move towards Ryoga, facing him.
“I think you didn’t get my words. I meant love as in… two people, together. Not as a friend.”
Ryoga panicked. He didn’t know Mahiro was harbouring such wrong affections for him. Falling in love with each other as men was already bad enough as it is, not to mention they were in no position to be lovers.
“What do you mean… love?”
“Isn’t it clear? I want you.”
Mahiro rubbed his hands against Ryoga’s face. His slender fingers touched the older man’s cheeks.
“And I want to you make love to me, too.”
The young man in front of Ryoga was no longer the innocent child he once knew. The Mahiro that was standing there is now more lustful and bold than ever. Ryoga couldn’t resist him. He just couldn’t. He averted his gaze, hesitated. Then, the man looked back at Mahiro, whispering;
“Let’s… do it somewhere safe.”
“Or I can just pretend that I cannot sleep alone because of my nightmares” Mahiro looked up, not even blinking once - he knew what he was doing. “That way, I’ll have to sleep with you in the same room. And it’ll be perfect for us.”
“Are you sure this is fine?”
“Of course. Didn’t I make it clear?”
“Then, please pinky swear with me… that you will keep this a secret.”
Mahiro nodded. It has never been his intention to go around and tell everyone about his affection for his own bodyguard.
After hours of waiting, the night has come. There was only silence, as everyone was already fast asleep. All, except for two.
Mahiro was sitting on the chair, waiting for Ryoga. He looked like a prince more than ever with his charming features basked under the lights of the silver moon. To Ryoga, the young lord seemed too beautiful to be real. Ryoga reached out a hand and softly touched Mahiro’s lower lip. They were soft, like “fallen” cherry blossom petals. And the warmth made it irresistible to kiss him. But he was still not sure if Mahiro really wanted him to do this. After all, the young virgin master of the Amagiri household should never be tainted by earthly desires. However, Hiro reassured him that he really does want to make love to him. Guess that couldn’t be helped, then.
Ryoga was contemplating on one side of the bed, shirt already unbuttoned. He was suddenly taken aback when Mahiro silently crawled to the spot next to him on the bed, whispering with the softest voice he could muster:
“Ryo-san… shall we?”
Ryoga bit on Mahiro’s lower lip. To Ryoga, Hiro’s mouth was so small. His little mouth comes close to his crotch, those slightly tinted red lips uttered such vulgar words that Ryoga never even once imagined that he would have the chance to hear:
“Ryo-san… can I suck your cock?”
He caressed Mahiro’s puppy-like face. At that moment, the cool, attractive young man on stage was gone, as if he had stripped away that mask along with his clothes. His long, thin fingers were placed on his pants, ready to unzip it. As he received the light nod from his lover, Mahiro slowly moved his hand downwards.
“Do you want a handjob first? I can, you know…”
“Oh, no, really… there’s no…”
Damn it, I really do! Ryoga actually wanted it to happen. He wanted to be touched by Mahiro and let the boy pleasures him however he wanted to. Seemingly understanding what his partner wanted, the redhead just silently moved his fingers along Ryoga’s erected penis. He had always been a very observant and caring child so it was fairly natural for him to take care of Ryoga so easily. The younger man experimented with his partner - kissing the head, running his thumb along the already enlarged cock, licking it tentatively all around. Slowly, he let the head of it slide right into his mouth. A sudden feeling of warmth covered Ryoga’s lower body, drowning him in ecstasy. Mahiro started to suck on Ryoga’s penis, sucking it with a little bit of force. Mahiro’s headspinning blowjob was more than what Ryoga needed. But when someone was offered too much, they became greedy. He wanted more. However, Mahiro has already pulled away for a moment. That didn’t escape Ryoga’s gaze.
“Hiro, you tired?”
“Nah, I’m good. I’ll continue.”
“Do you want me to go deeper this time?”
“Go as hard as you can.” Mahiro licked his lips, almost inviting him. Ryoga slowly pushed himself deeper down his partner’s throat. He could feel the boy choking for a bit, but Hiro kept on moving and managed to put all of him inside his mouth.
At this point, Ryoga was already fucking Mahiro’s mouth senseless. As Mahiro skillfully used his throat to take in all of Ryoga’s hard cock, he let out some gagging sounds which, to his partner, was quite cute. After a while, the hot, white liquid came out from Ryoga’s phallus as Mahiro gagged. It had a different taste from what he expected, with an almost bitter aftertaste.
“Spit it out. Don’t swallow it, it’s bad for your stomach.”
Ryoga handed Mahiro a tissue. The boy covered his mouth, and coughed the hot liquid out. Before he was even finished, Ryoga pulled him into a kiss, his tongue pushed deep inside as he ran his hands down Mahiro’s half-naked body, feeling his smooth porcelain skin shivering with every touch. The lingering scent of Ryoga’s cologne was inviting him. Mahiro wrapped his legs around his partner’s waist, rubbing his lower body against Ryoga’s erected cock. He softly whispered, almost being too polite for sex:
“Ryo-san… undress me. Please.”
Ryoga placed his hand under Mahiro’s shirt, pulling it off. Then he pulled him into another kiss - this time was much longer than the last. Mahiro wasn’t the type who likes to be messed with - he pushed his tongue inside Ryoga’s mouth, feeling his senses going numb. They pulled out after a couple of minutes, leaving Ryoga breathless. However, it just made him more excited to experiment new things with his younger partner. The bodyguard mauled on his partner’s collarbone, toying with his slender body, placing red kiss marks all over his skin like painting on a canvas - the lively canvas of a human body. Mahiro wrapped his arms around Ryoga, whispering erotically:
“Fuck me, Ryo-san.”
“You know we can no longer go back right?”
“Give it all you got.”
Ryoga thrusted himself deep inside Mahiro. The young man shivered from both the pain and pleasure derived from their intercourse. As his partner grinded hard against his hips, Mahiro unconsciously pushed it up, wanting to take all of him inside his body. He can feel Ryoga’s hard, large cock slowly entering him. Although there was the lube to help soothe the pain, he wanted to cry. The redhead covered his mouth, only letting rasping breathe escape.
Mahiro’s inside was warm and moist. His entire body was shaking with pain. As Ryoga entered deeper inside, he moaned out loud.
“It hurts…! Ah…!”
“Hiro, is it okay? If you want to, I can…”
“No, no, I can take it.”
“Let me change the position”
As he said it, Ryoga hiked one of Mahiro’s legs over his shoulder. Ryoga rocked Mahiro at a steady rhythm. The young man could feel his body begging for more, as his hips were shaking uncontrollably and his nails dug deeper into Ryoga’s skin. Ryoga mauled on his neck, leaving a reddish pink mark. They were leaving marks everywhere on each other’s body. Mahiro moaned:
“Hiro… you’re so… tight…”
“Ryo-san… ah, it hurts! It hurts…!”
Ryoga grinded Mahiro a few times before he finally climaxed. They came at the same time. It was a mess. The covers of the bed were all over the place, and they were both panting. On top of Mahiro, Ryoga felt more satisfied than ever.
“Hiro”, Ryoga panted, “do you feel good?”
“Ryo-san” Mahiro suddenly asked, his voice shaken, “whose name are you calling?”
“Is it Chihiro, or is it Mahiro?”
“… What are you talking about…”
“You only loved me because I look like my brother, right?” Mahiro chuckled softly, “It’s okay, I understand. We look so much alike, you were reminded of him when you see me, right? After all….”
Mahiro’s eyes are now filled with tears, he can’t hold it back anymore. Very quiet whimpers escaped. After all, it’s always been like this. He’s always the one nobody needs, always the one left behind. He has never been, and will never be, needed. Mahiro thought he was worthless without his dearly beloved brother.
“Hiro! Mahiro, look at me!”
Ryoga grabbed Mahiro’s shoulder. He had no idea Mahiro felt this way, with him. A gush of guilt was overflowing, he couldn’t bring himself to leave his dearly beloved alone like this. Ryoga saw his reflection in Mahiro’s eyes. The same eyes that…
… that Chihiro too, used to look at him. Those very same brown eyes.
“Listen. I love you for who you are, I love “Amagiri Mahiro”. There’s no need for you to doubt yourself over it.”
Mahiro hasn’t stopped crying. Ryoga was afraid of a very nonsensical scenario, that if he kept on sobbing like this, he’d wither like a flower that had all of its water being drained. He quietly wiped the tears streaming down Mahiro’s face, but the redhead slapped his hand away. He didn’t want to be touched.
Mahiro was lying naked on his bed, his back turned to Ryoga. His thoughts slowly drifted to the image of his older brother. He didn’t want to sleep again, fearing he would have to see that exact same scene over and over again. Suddenly, an arm latched onto him reeled him back to reality. Ryoga must’ve mistaken him for some kind of bolster in his dreams. Mahiro wanted to push him away, but he’s heavy. He reluctantly let Ryoga hug him. Mahiro could feel Ryoga’s skin rubbing against his, but he didn’t want the intimacy to slide in just yet.
Ryoga was staring blankly at the walls. He was deep in his thoughts about Mahiro, and Chihiro too. They were the people that he treasured the most in his life, but never once did he think that Mahiro could possibly ask him something like that. It pains him to remember Chihiro like that. Now, he felt so unsure of what to do with his own life.
Mahiro was soon to realize his sense of inferiority had ruined their intimate moment. But he didn’t want to admit that just yet. He silently pulled the covers up to cover himself, startling Ryoga, who was not even in the slightest bit asleep.
“Mahiro. You awake?”
Mahiro turned over. Ryoga was looking at him, he could see his warped reflection in Ryoga’s heterochromic eyes.
“Yeah, I’m…” he sighed. “I can’t sleep”
“Now you really can’t sleep for real huh.” Ryoga laughed. But he stopped as he saw the displeasure on Mahiro’s face.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to make you sad. I just wanna light up the mood.”
“I’m sorry too.”
Mahiro hesitated. He wanted to bury his face into Ryoga’s chest like he used to do when he was younger, to feel at ease. Now, his bodyguard was burying his face into the young master’s back instead. Mahiro could feel Ryoga’s warm breath against his bare skin.
“Nah, you shouldn’t be.”
Mahiro was still silent. His brown eyes stared at the walls, dazed.
“Ryo…no, Ryoga-san. I want you to promise me one thing.”
“What is it?”
“That you, Kagekawa Ryoga, will not betray me, Yuki Mahiro, no matter the circumstances.” Mahiro squeezed Ryoga’s cheek. “Else, I would be the one to finish you.”
Ryoga’s eyes widened. It was unexpected, but he didn’t hate it. In fact, he was more than excited to see his young master being determined to make him his own. The bodyguard held his master’s hand close to his mouth, kissing it, a light gleamed in his right eye.
Mahiro walked down the aisle, with Ryoga’s hand in his. He turned around to look at the room with the window that his brother had once stayed in one last time, before whispering:
“Shall we go then, Ryo-san?”
Together, they left the Amagiri house, and ran away to a place where no one could find them.