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Language:
English
Series:
Part 82 of Collected Bat-Family Stories
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Published:
2021-03-17
Updated:
2022-03-16
Words:
3,196
Chapters:
2/?
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Just Us Communicating

Summary:

Series Summary: A one-shot series featuring communications over comms or texts from the current and former members of Young Justice.

Notes:

If the story has the characters’ hero identities in italics to indicate who’s speaking, they’re talking over comms and are in their hero identities.

If the story has the characters’ names in bold to indicate who’s speaking, they’re talking via text and are in their secret identities.

Chapter 1: Tam Lin 2.0

Summary:

A chat between friends leads to an impromptu team-up in Scotland. This includes a murder investigation, an angry Aquaman, fey folk, half-ghosts, protective friends, sandwiches, and Scooby Doo references because its Young Justice.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Wonder Girl: Ugh. I’m so bored. Doesn’t anyone need any help?

Red Robin: Not really, sorry. I’m working a standard murder case. Thanks though.
Superboy: Naw, I just finished my thing. I’m on my way home now. I still have time before curfew though. Wanna hang out?
Impulse: Nope-I-pretty-much-got-everything-under-control-here-thanks-though-oh-wait-that’s-a-bomb!

Wonder Girl: Uh, Does that mean you need help after all? Impulse? You okay?
Red Robin: You got it or need some co-brainstorming?

Superboy: Give him a second.

Impulse: It’s-okay-guys-I-dropped-it-off-in-the-middle-of-the-ocean-oh-shit-wait-Auquaman’s-here-and-I-think-he’s-mad-at-me.

Superboy: You didn’t drop the bomb over Atlantis, did you?

Wonder Girl: Would a bomb dropped from the ocean’s surface even have a chance of hurting Atlantis? And couldn’t Auquaman just…I dunno, have a shark swim it away if it was a threat?

Superboy: Depends and probably, but that guy has no chill sometimes.

Wonder Girl: True.

Red Robin: He’s probably more annoyed at him using the ocean as a bomb waste disposal. That stuff has to add up eventually.

Wonder Girl: Oh. Right. Hey, do you think there’s an Atlantean junkyard full of weapons heroes have dropped in the ocean over the years to ensure they don’t hurt anyone?

Superboy: Have you met Poseidon yet? Can’t he just eject all that from his domain or something?

Wonder Girl: No, but that’s something I could suggest to Troia or Wonder Woman.

Red Robin: That’s a good idea. Maybe we can arrange a spot for him to drop off that kind of- Hang on a minute, guys.

Superboy: You okay?
Wonder Girl: Is it just me, or does it always sound ominous when he suddenly stops talking like that?

Superboy: It's not just you.

Red Robin: I’m in the woods and there’s some kind of…half-ghost? He’s speaking in Gaelic so I kinda have to focus to understand him.

Wonder Girl: You speak Gaelic?
Superboy: Half-ghost? You need backup?

Impulse: Okay-we-got-it-sorted-out-kinda-Grandpa-Barry-came-and-he’s-talking-to-Aquaman-and-I’m-on-my-way-home-whaddid-I-miss?

Wonder Girl: Red speaks Gaelic and a ghost thing is talking to him in it.
Superboy: Red, are you in Scotland? Your heartbeat sounds like it's coming from Scotland but I guess it could be Ireland…

Red Robin: Yeah. I flew out to follow the case. I think the murderer hid a body near these woods- Hang on. There’s no way I heard that right.

Superboy: Okay, I’m just gonna fly in the general direction of Scotland. Let me know if you need me to book it.
Wonder Girl: Want us to head out that way?
Impulse: Want-me-to-take-a-detour-to-Scotland-Rob?

Red Robin: I’m okay, guys. I got this.

Superboy: What was the half-ghost-thing saying that sounded weird?
Wonder Girl: What happened? You know, the mystical stuff is usually my area, if you need a hand?
Impulse: That’s-good-Rob! Remember-we-can-get-over-there-real-quick-if-you-need-help!

Red Robin: Apparently, he’s a servant of some fey noblewoman. He said any maiden who trespasses in these woods needs to leave her an offering of either something pretty, something shiny, or something tasty. Otherwise he takes their virginity as their offering. For some reason I triggered this? So…I guess by ‘maiden’ they actually mean ‘virgin’. Or maybe I’m translating that word incorrectly…

Superboy: Aand I’m gonna book it. How is it you’re the only normal human of the group yet you keep attracting magical and mystical crazy?
Wonder Girl: Seriously? How does that make any sense? ‘You don’t have any jewelry or snacks on you so I’m gonna take your virginity instead’? It’s not like he can hand your virginity over to the fey lady…
Impulse: Fey-are-real-how-come-I-didn’t-know-that? I-am-totally-heading-out-there! What-else-do-you-think-is-real-guys? Wait-he-wants-to-do-what-to-Rob-now? SB-how-close-are-you?

Wonder Girl: Wait. Did I miss something? What else has he attracted that’d be comparable to this?

Red Robin: Well, I have dealt with ghosts a few times before. And werewolves. And vampires. And Black Lantern zombies…and immortals…and mystics, cults, demons… Huh, Kon-El might have a point.

Wonder Girl: Yeah, that is kinda weird for a regular human, Red.

Red Robin: Anyway, I gave him a gold hairpin I bought for my sister. No one needs to- Nevermind. Superboy’s here already.

^v^ ^v^ ^v^

Wonder Girl: Guys? What’s going on? Why isn’t anyone talking? Is the half-ghost taken care of?

Red Robin: Sorry, I was filling in Superboy.

Superboy: I can’t believe we’re doing this but apparently, we have to help the half-ghost-rapist now.

Red Robin: You don’t have to help if you don’t want to.
Wonder Girl: Okay… How did we go from paying off the half-ghost-rapist to helping him?

Superboy: Of course I’m gonna help.
Red Robin: The fey noblewoman replaced his heart with a stone so he can’t feel anything and she’s gonna sacrifice him to some demon the fey folk have a long standing agreement with. Unless, of course, we do something to prevent it.

Wonder Girl: Okay, I’m flying to Scotland. This sounds interesting and it’s not like I was doing anything anyway.
Impulse: Lemme-just-text-The-Zen-Guru-to-let-him-know-I’m-gonna-be-late-and-then-I’ll-head-out-there-to-help.

Red Robin: You don’t have to come all this way. We can-

Impulse: Nah-Rob-that's-what-we're-all-here-for-and-besides-this-sounds-like-fun! Like-Scooby-Doo-but-without-the-bad-guy-being-some-guy-in-a-mask.
Wonder Girl: Hey, I’m the one who said I was bored. Besides, you’ve helped us with our bad guys plenty of times.

Red Robin: Okay. Thanks, guys.

Superboy: Yeah, gang. Let’s solve this groovy mystery together.

Red Robin: Stop.

Wonder Girl: Jinkies.
Impulse: Zoinks!
Superboy: But they’ll get away with it if not for us meddling kids.

Red Robin: Fine. Get it all out of your systems before we have to focus.

Superboy: Think I could pull off an ascot with this outfit?

Wonder Girl: I’ll bring you a red one. So you’re gonna be Fred and I wanna be Daphne… Who’re Red Robin and Impulse gonna be?

Superboy: Velma and Shaggy, of course. We need a Scooby. Think your brother will let us borrow his dog?

Red Robin: No. I think he’ll throw Kryptonite-alloy Batarangs at you if you even suggest taking his dog.

Superboy: Yeah, that sounds like your brother.

Wonder Girl: Would it be rude to invite Bunker and ask him to make a big dog out of his bricks?
Impulse: Think-Changeling-is-busy?
Red Robin: If you want to bring a dog, why don’t you just call Krypto?

Superboy: That’ll work.

Red Robin: I was actually asking, not suggesting-and he’s gone to call his dog already.

Impulse: I-stopped-and-got-us-all-sandwiches-so-we-won’t-get-hungry-plus-they’ll-go-with-the-theme.

Wonder Girl: Good thinking, Impulse.

Superboy: We’re back! He’s even wearing his blue collar so he looks more the part.

Wonder Girl: Almost there!

Impulse: Hey guys! Who wants what? I got plenty and I’ll eat whatever’s left.

Wonder Girl: I call pastrami if you’ve got it!

Impulse: I don’t know if this is pastrami or salami. Which is the thin, dangly one and which is the round one?

Red Robin: That’s pastrami. The round one is salami.

Superboy: I’ll take the roast beef and a ham and cheese.

Red Robin: I’ll take the egg salad, please.

Impulse: Can Krypto have one?

Superboy: Yeah. Just no tomatoes or onions.

Impulse: Here-you-go-boy-want-some-turkey! Who’s-a-good-boy?! Krypto’s-a-good-boy!

Wonder Girl: Okay, where exactly are you guys?

Superboy: I’ll fly up high enough not to be seen by anyone else and wave you over.

Wonder Girl: I see you. On my way.

Wonder Girl: Here, I brought the ascot. Know how to tie it?

Superboy: Nope. It can't be hard, right?

Wonder Girl: Apparently, it can. Here.

Superboy: Thanks.

Wonder Girl: No problem.

Superboy: See? I’m totally rocking the ascot.
Impulse: One pastrami!

Red Robin: Yeah, but was it really necessary?
Winder Girl: Thank you!

Superboy: Yes. So where do we start with helping half-ghost-rapist?

Red Robin: Can we call him something else?

Superboy: Nope. And don’t think I’m not gonna bring that up when we find him.

Red Robin: You do remember that he’s been held captive for who knows how long and has had his heart replaced with a stone, right?

Superboy: Doesn’t matter. He said he was gonna take your virginity and there’s no way you were gonna be onboard with that, which should be clear to anyone with basic social skills. That means he was gonna rape you. I don’t let that slide.

Red Robin: I get it, but maybe try to calm down a little? Your eyes are starting to go red already and we really don’t want to accidentally start a forest fire. And for the record, I probably could’ve taken him if it came to that, you know. I’m pretty far from helpless.

Superboy: That’s not the point. He didn’t know you could fight him off. And how do we know there weren’t others who couldn't?

Red Robin: Point. We’ll have to find out about that, too. We might have to figure out how to contain him or where he’d be able to be tried…if anywhere.

Superboy: We’ll figure it out.

Wonder Girl: So where should we start with all that?

Red Robin: I guess we should start with finding out if he’s technically alive or dead. Then, we can work on the heart problem and the sacrifice problem.

Wonder Girl: Works for me.
Impulse: Ors-fur-meh!

Wonder Girl: Ditto! But uh, don’t talk while you’re eating that fast, okay? You’ll choke and keeping you still long enough to perform the Heimlich is gonna be crazy. I might have to bust out the lasso.
Superboy: Me, too. And do you wanna finish up your murder case while we’re here, too?

Robin: Yeah. About that, I think I know where the body is, so if you could just confirm with your x-ray vision while we’re here?
Impulse: Good-point-I’ll-swallow-first-next-time-thanks-WG!

Superboy: No problem.

Red Robin: Cool. Thanks. Once I know for sure, I can call in an anonymous tip for the local police and let Commissioner Gordon know the case has gone international. He’ll take it from there.

Wonder Girl: Then we’ll focus on the captive-half-ghost-rapist.

Impulse: Sounds like a plan!

Superboy: Looks like we’ve got another mystery on our hands.

Red Robin: *Quietly laughs and signs simultaneously*
Wonder Girl: *Laughs*
Impulse:*Laughs*
Superboy: *Laughs*

Notes:

The captive-half-ghost-rapist is loosely based on the legend of Tam Lin.