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number 25 (every time)

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It started off so innocently. Well, kind of.

Kaeya was half-draped over his barstool in Angel’s Share, wheezing with laughter as Rosaria traced her finger around the rim of her glass, reading from a page she’d snatched off of the Cat’s Tail message board. “Number twenty-three: ‘the love interest’s dick is always the size of a mitachurl.’”

“I haven’t read any that have that.” Kaeya took a long drink from his glass, visibly trying not to spew it everywhere in the middle of his drunken hysterics. “I’m reading the wrong romance novels.”

Rosaria glanced at him over the top of her pilfered page. “Do a lot of romance reading, do you?” One eyebrow raised slowly, her lips pursing.

“I’m a romantic! I have to take notes!”

Diluc rolled his eyes behind the bar, doing a piss-poor job of pretending that he wasn’t listening to this exchange. Kaeya’s drink got lower by the second, and he needed to be prepared to defend his stock from grabby hands. 

“Number twenty-four. ‘There’s way too much public play. People don’t simply go around feeling each other up in the streets.’ Well, that’s just not true; clearly this person doesn’t spend any time touching grass or they’d realize that Mondstadt is rife with it. Infested.”

Kaeya snickered and shrugged, downing the rest of his glass and looking anything but apologetic. “Sorry if I’m popular, Rose. I can’t help it if I’m irresistible. Most eligible bachelor in Mondstadt, thank you very much.” 

Rosaria’s eyes fell on Diluc very briefly. “I think that title belongs to the illustrious Lord Ragnvindr, for all the good it does him. At least, I haven’t caught him skulking in any too-public alleys.”

Diluc shook his head, stopping in front of them while polishing the water spots off a glass. “Leave me out of this, please. Can you two go somewhere else? You’re driving customers away.” This wasn’t strictly true; Kaeya holding court at his bar was more of a draw than anything. The raucous drunk liked his audience and, unfortunately, it liked him back.

Gēge, don’t be bitter. It’s not my fault you’ve never picked up a romance novel in your life—or dated anyone for that matter.”

Diluc cringed all over. He hated when Kaeya called him that where other people could hear it. It was a sign that he was well and truly sauced, usually a sign that he needed to be cut off soon. Kaeya knew he hated it, he was sure, which was why he did it as often as possible.

As often as Kaeya sat at his tavern and made a public showing of their previous relationship, it was all a façade—their interactions existed solely at the bar and nowhere else. It had been like this ever since Diluc returned five years ago, and neither of them took steps to actually mend fences. There was only so much heartache a body could take before it simply gave up.

“Number twenty-five. ‘The—’ oh, dear.” Rosaria lifted a hand to her mouth and eyed Kaeya, who was already brimming with mirth from her reaction alone. Diluc braced himself. “Alright, alright. ‘The fact that everyone cums every time is beyond unrealistic.’”

Kaeya howled with laughter, face so red that he seemed ready to pass out. He made a swipe for the closest wine bottle, and Diluc snatched it away just in time. “...I don’t get why that one’s funny,” he said, frowning first at Kaeya then at Rosaria. So much for pretending he wasn’t listening. “Most people don’t.”

Dead. Silence. The laughter stopped immediately as they both stared at him with open horror. This was the reason he never said anything at all, this right here. He couldn’t say anything without getting piled on every single time. “Oh, for fuck’s sake, what.”

“I wasn’t aware you were fucking anybody.” Kaeya was too interested, starred pupil sharp. “Much less someone who sucks. When did this start, exactly?”

“I’m not.” Though he’d gone on a few dates, even let himself have a few entanglements…“I’m not a virgin, if that’s what you’re after. Nevermind, leave me out of it, I said.”

Rosaria’s lips pressed into a thin line as she set the page down on the bar top. “How often do you have an orgasm with someone, then?” As if that was an appropriate question to ask inside his bar to him, the bartender, the owner, the one who kept their glasses full.

Ears burning hot, Diluc snatched both of their glasses and set them far away; this was always a sure sign that their evening was over. “I haven’t. Now, get out of my bar before I call Jean.”

For some reason he couldn’t hope to discern, they didn’t argue. They stood and, exchanging significant glances, turned towards the door and let it bang shut behind them. 




It was well into the middle of the night when Diluc stepped out of the tavern’s back door to dispose of the night’s trash. Once it was stuffed inside the bin, he turned back for the door and found Kaeya standing against it, arms crossed.

The sound he made was beyond undignified as he nearly jumped out of his skin. “Sir Kaeya, what the hell are you doing?”

Even though it was oppressively dark this late, he could still see the way that eye dragged over him, head to foot. “Never?” Kaeya asked, pushing off the door. “Really?”

“Never wha—oh, leave me alone, would you? Go home, Sir Kaeya.” Diluc made to push past him, to go back in to finish closing; instead, he grunted as rough hands grabbed him by the shoulders and shoved his back against the door. “What the fuck—”

Oh, it burned, the look in that eye and, a moment later, the kiss Kaeya simply stole from him. It was no gentle brush of mouths but a biting and almost-painful thing full of tongues and the taste of stale alcohol that was too familiar. How easy it would be to forget the years, a chasm yawning wide between the last time they found themselves just like this.

Diluc had been seventeen, Kaeya sixteen, as they crawled out of a snowmelt-chilled river just days before his eighteenth birthday. They were doing normal teenage boy things—wrestling, namely, and arguing about something Diluc could no longer remember—when he’d pinned Kaeya on his back on the sandy beach and blinked down at him. Before he knew what he was doing, he’d leaned in and stolen a kiss, one and then another, another, until someone called for them to come to dinner.

They’d never talked about it. Not then, not now. Did this count as talking about it, Diluc wondered, as Kaeya’s thigh slid between his and his own hands fell to that obnoxiously open collar. Lower, skin, firm beneath his fingertips with a heart pounding unsteadily beneath. The kiss broke as Kaeya bit his way downward, and Diluc sucked in a breath at the rush of tingling. He bit his lip. “I-I see. Is this really the moment? You’re drunk.” Unbidden desire hung heavy in his voice, mortifying. 

“I’m not.”

Diluc thumped his head back against the door as a hand pushed between his thighs. With a fistful of Kaeya’s hair, he urged him lower; if they were going to be ridiculous, they may as well go on with it. The smirk radiated off of Kaeya; Diluc didn’t need to see it to know it was there. 

Piece by piece, he felt himself opened up. The vest unbuttoned, his belt undone, the cross-tie of his pants untied and loosened—it was all so methodical, so practiced, that Diluc thought maybe he should be jealous. How many times had Kaeya done just this, he wondered, eyes heavy-lidded as he watched Mondstadt’s Finest settle on his knees.

Anyone would have been aroused at the sight of it, no matter how annoying he was. Careful hands drew his cock from his clothes, and when he sank into that warm and generously wet mouth, Diluc bit into a knuckle to keep from making any noise. He was painfully hard in moments, skin taut and desperate for the attention he was already getting.

Kaeya was a wonder, he thought. Truly, not only a sight to behold but an expert at his craft. Diluc had experienced a number of poor blowjobs in his time at the bar, but this one positively shone. The tongue work, the constant suction, the eye contact, the palm cupping his balls: all of these were gold standard for a reason. Kaeya moaned and Diluc pushed into his throat.

He could deepthroat, too. Mondstadt’s Finest, indeed.

The sound of it was beyond erotic, soft moans and wet breaks in suction and the unmistakable sound of Kaeya jerking off while he worked filling the back street. Diluc’s eyebrows raised and he sucked in a breath when Kaeya cried out around him and came hard enough that Diluc would need to clean his shoes when he got home.

Kaeya kept going, using both hands now. His mouth slipped off of Diluc’s cock, replaced by a firm-stroking hand with just the right amount of pressure, just the sweetest swipe of his thumb over the tip. He kissed lower around the base, moaning louder, flicking his tongue, teasing.

Diluc couldn’t stop watching him, cheeks flushed with heat. Every movement was encouraged, facilitated. “Fuck, Kaeya, you—mm.”

Eventually, he sank into that generous mouth again, and he steadied Kaeya’s head with both hands so he could slowly, surely, fuck his throat. The hands on him went from adoring to desperate, clinging to clothes as Kaeya struggled to accommodate and managed it.

Diluc could see how hard he was again, dripping thickly on the ground. He slipped his foot from his shoe and brushed against his erection, delighting in the sound Kaeya made. His sock was removed for him, and he teased him with his toes until Kaeya came hard between them with a choke and high-pitched whimper, drooling with his efforts.

Again, Diluc let him take the lead. Desperate suckling, faster and harder now, accompanied the fiery determination in Kaeya’s eye as it fell on him. Diluc lifted the hem of his shirt, unsure why he did it because it was a movement that usually preceded his orgasm when he was alone, but now...nothing. It just felt good, that was all.

Kaeya finally drew off of him and sat back on his haunches a bit, panting. “...You alright, Luc?”

“Fine. Good. Very good.” Diluc was panting, cock purple with need. He smeared a hand over his face. “Mm, sorry. I just...Mm.”

He’d warned him. The disappointment on Kaeya’s face was quickly overshadowed by determination. “...Can you just, you know. Do it yourself?”

Diluc was pretty sure that wasn’t going to happen, but he was open to try. He slid his hand lower and gripped just how he liked it, breathing evenly as he stroked.

There was no question that he enjoyed it, but...nope. Kaeya’s expectant grin faded into a pout as one minute stretched into five, ten. “Alright, alright, enough. Come on, I’m taking you home.”

Hand slowing to a stop, Diluc opened his eyes and frowned. “What? No, I need to finish up.”

“That’s the poi—”

“Closing the tavern, you idiot. I’m not finished. I need to take care of a few things or they’re going to rot.” He hesitated, then he shook his head. “Don’t worry about it, Sir Kaeya. You go home, I’ll be fine.”

Kaeya’s gaze fell back between his legs, but Diluc quickly tucked himself away no matter how painful it was to do so. “Are you—”

“Good night, Sir Kaeya.” And the door shut (and locked) behind him as he stepped inside. He could always count on Sir Kaeya to throw himself at a problem that wasn’t any of his business.



It happened again. Diluc was the only person in the bar because he wasn’t open yet, and when the front door banged open, he frowned. “I’m still clo—oh.”

Kaeya hit him like a hammer on an anvil, vaulting over the bar and grabbing him up in his arms. They stumbled, fell together against the wall, and Diluc was soon buried balls-deep in him as he bent over the bar with his ass pushed out and his hands clutching the edge. He was so fucking good, responsive and reactive, proactive, meeting thrusts and arching and making so much noise that the sound of their rutting alone would surely keep anyone from coming in.

Kaeya came all over the vodka bottles. Diluc sent him to clean up and got ready for his shift.

Again: Kaeya broke into his room at the Winery when he was staying over for the weekend to tend to some business with Elzer. Diluc woke at seven, groggy and hot, to find himself being ridden like a cheap horse. Adelinde was so happy to see him when he limped out later, apologizing for not waking her. Diluc washed up and got dressed before joining them for lunch.

A hot afternoon on mutual business in the valley, each finding themselves on the same trail and each of them losing it as Diluc fucked him screaming against a tree, heels digging into his back. A lonely autumn evening in the wake of an older Knight’s death, both of them needing to reaffirm their own lives. A cooler night still, huddled together by a campfire after Diluc told him his version of what happened the night Crepus died, all soft kisses and tenderness and unsteady apologies before Kaeya murmured into Diluc’s ear that he loved him and Diluc showed him that he did, too. 

Archons, he did, too. It didn’t matter that Kaeya had never been able to give him an orgasm, had never even seen him do it. What mattered was that, after years of separation, they were finally bridging that gap. They still had a long way to go, about a thousand more talks to have before it was okay, but...Diluc smiled more often, found himself a little more evenly-tempered, and he didn’t hate when Kaeya and Rosaria sat at the bar anymore.

That always meant Kaeya was coming home with him that night.

Unfortunately, this night, Kaeya really was drunk. Head on his arms on the bar, he was awake but clearly had the spins as Diluc turned the barstools up onto the bar (save the one he was on) so he could sweep beneath it. “You alright?”

Kaeya groaned and eyed him, face red. “Mm.” 

Ah, so it was Beyond-Words-Maudlin-Drunk Kaeya. This was one of Diluc’s least favorite flavors. “What’s the matter?” Sometimes he could be pulled out of it into Regular-Maudlin-Drunk Kaeya, and then he might even be progressed back into Happy-Drunk Kaeya. Diluc nudged him with his broom handle. “C’mon.”

Kaeya stumbled off of his barstool and Diluc took a cautious step backward, inwardly cringing because he knew he was about to have to clean vomit off the floor. “Kaeya, if you’re going to be sick, try to get outside, will you?”

“‘m not.” Kaeya blinked hard at him as though trying to clear his vision, then he smiled. Diluc had about three seconds before Kaeya was on him, pressing him back against the bar and leering. “...’m gonna do it.”

“You’re going to do what?” Diluc had more to say, really, except Kaeya proceeded to bite roughly into his neck and make him drop his broom. “A-ah—okay that’s—ow, for fuck’s sake.” His back pressed very, very painfully into the side of the bar as Kaeya’s whole weight threw into him, teeth sharp and uncaring. A hand pushed roughly between Diluc’s legs and squeezed, making him yelp. “Hey!”

“Sorry, sorry…” He eased up a little, clumsily pulling Diluc’s clothes open and off of him. “Shh. Luc.”

Diluc was at a loss, not entirely sure how to handle this situation. It wasn’t his first time with Kaeya being obnoxiously drunk, but Kaeya had been sweet then, telling him all the things he was afraid to say when he was sober. Now, Kaeya didn’t look very happy at all.

Not that Diluc’s dick cared very much. As much as he couldn’t cum with Kaeya there, it sure as hell liked him. They’d spent a happy hour that afternoon together during a lull, tucked away on the third floor with Kaeya’s hands teasing, coaxing, and Diluc feeling like he should have lost it a hundred times but just...unable to push past whatever the fuck it was. It was psychological, he supposed, because he could do it fine when he was by himself most of the time.

He didn’t tell Kaeya that. He thought it better not to bring it up.

Kaeya fell hard on his knees, so hard that it sounded painful, and he fumbled at the ties on his pants before Diluc undid them for him. Before he could further help, Kaeya pulled his cock, still mostly soft, from its cloth confines and into his mouth, sucking hard.

Too hard. Diluc hissed and bent over him, jerking on his hair. “Ease up, Kaeya. You can’t suck it if you’re going to take it off.” At least he followed instructions well, gentling a bit, and Diluc closed his eyes to settle in and let himself enjoy it as long as it was meant to last. Sometimes Kaeya would go for an hour, sometimes fifteen minutes, but Diluc didn’t really care how long. It felt nice, it was intimate between them, that was all that mattered.

And he really did like the things Kaeya did with his tongue. That little stroke under the head, the way he flicked it over the very tip, the way when, as he got hard enough to pull into his throat, it curled around the shaft, Yes, he loved just about everything to do with Kaeya’s—

“A-ah, fuck.” Diluc froze as Kaeya misjudged an angle and scraped his teeth along extremely delicate skin, and that was all the warning Kaeya got before Diluc came so hard he nearly fell over. With a loud cry, he clutched Kaeya’s head, pulling him in so he could just…

He shuddered, covering his mouth with a shaking hand as every drop was drawn from him, sucked dry until he was so sensitive that he pushed Kaeya off of him with an unsteady breath.

Kaeya’s eye was wide. “Diluc…” He licked his lips, then they both looked down at Diluc’s cock like it had done something it shouldn’t have.

It didn’t happen again until two weeks later, much to their mutual chagrin. Kaeya was determined, which meant that Diluc had been fondled, groped, sucked, ridden, licked—everything—almost constantly for those two weeks. At this point, he was getting sore, and he was ready to have a day off. Of course, he loved having sex with Kaeya, he did, but he had other things to do, too.

That morning, Kaeya woke him by sliding a dry hand over his middle and giving his morning wood a couple of strokes. Yes, he was definitely sore, and Kaeya’s hands were rough so he was always very insistent he grab the oil. His eyes fluttered open and he glanced back over his shoulder, just seeing blue hair as Kaeya kissed the back of his neck. “Kaeya…”

Before he could say anything else, Kaeya’s strokes grew rough, too rough, and Diluc squirmed. “K-Kaeya, please, that’s not exactly…” He bucked back against him, gritting his teeth and squeezing his eyes shut. The only hint of anything slick was the smear of his own precum. That was a surprise; he didn’t normally produce much, certainly not like Kaeya who was a certified leaker.

It wasn’t even like it felt great. It hurt, dry handjobs sucked, but the harder Kaeya stroked, the more Diluc writhed in his hold. “S-stop, I’m going t-to—”

Ruin the sheets, as it turned out. He felt Kaeya’s shit-eating grin against his hairline.

Again, the next morning, just like that. That evening, when Kaeya had been sitting on the floor behind the bar just chatting when the first customers came in and he thought it would be hilarious to just hide under the counter and drink. And rub Diluc’s cock right through his uncomfortably scratchy pants in the middle of a rush until Diluc had to lean over the bar top and make a scene flirting with some stranger to explain his fierce blush as he came. He was just pulled free and into Kaeya’s mouth in time to save his clothes.

Diluc had never been ashamed of anything about himself, not really, until...this. He had the best lay in Mondstadt at his beck and call, and the only way he could cum was when it was awful. Rough calluses, not enough lube (or none), clumsy and scraping teeth, inappropriate locations, no foreplay, one or the other in desperate need of a wash first and not getting it, rough fingernails, dreadful textures—Diluc was a mess.

Kaeya, of course, was insufferable.

“You’re like a teenager, Luc.” He breathed the words while, rubbed raw, Diluc curled his toes and tried to stop himself to no avail.

He hated to admit that he was right.



Rosaria slapped down a page onto the bar top, starting Diluc so badly that he nearly spilled the wine he was pouring. “For fuck’s sake—”

“They’ve written again.” She and Kaeya gathered around the page, and Diluc turned away, the corner of his mouth turning up as he continued the pour he was making. “‘Twenty-five Reevaluated Tropes in Romance Novels that Need to Die’. Number one: ‘Quivering—’ Hey!”

Kaeya snatched the page out of her hand, and Diluc dropped their drinks in front of them. “I need to go grab some stock, I’ll be back,” he said, looking to get out of there quickly.

He made it halfway to the storeroom before he heard Kaeya’s outrage escape him in the form of a bark of his name. It took everything he had not to laugh.

“Diluc! Diluc Ragnvindr, this was you! This is your fucking handwriting! Get back here—Rose, get the old one—this was you, too! You tricked me!”

Diluc shut the storeroom door behind himself to drown out the squawking, smiling to himself. Yes, he could always count on Sir Kaeya to throw himself at a problem that wasn’t any of his business. It was what made him such an effective knight.

It also made him just that easy to catch.