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‘It’s bedtime David.’
He huffed and settled his head down again. Whatever Ronnie was texting him was probably nonsense. He lay there for a second.
‘Nope. Have to pee again.’
Patrick huffed as he was unceremoniously rolled away and David let the cold air in with a dramatic flop of the duvet.
‘David, no you don’t have…’ he flopped back. ‘Fine.’ he waited a moment then threw himself out of the bed too.
It turned out he really didn’t need to pee again. There really was no liquid left in his body. But it was best to check. He had spent far too much of today in this bathroom. He clicked the door open and was greeted by the sight of Patrick, and a pile of bedding. For the second time today. He would have felt guilty again, except for the fact Patrick was currently under a pile of bedding and cursing loudly.
‘Fucks sake!’ he muttered, and the pile moved and he emerged, slightly ruffled.
‘Well bedtime escalated quickly.’ David smirked. ‘Everything…’
‘I thought I’d take the mattress topper of…’ Patrick huffed. ‘It...put up a fight.’ he was a bit sweaty and out of breath from wrestling the pile of sheets. David walked over to him and kissed his head.
‘I’d say it got you.’ he said.
Patrick expected him to make fun of him. And that was surely on the way. But there was something softer in David’s expression. He threw him a questioning glance.
‘You got up to take it off?’
Patrick shrugged, duvet in hand. ‘Well it was going to be making that noise all night, and I bet it was going to make the bed really hot, and I don’t want to spend a night sweating so…’ he shrugged, the duvet moving with him.
David smiled and picked up the pile of blankets next to his feet. ‘I could make some comment about sweating in bed. But I won’t.’ he said. And went to the bed and slowly, methodically started making the bed. Patrick smiled at him.
‘You want help or…’
‘I’d say it’s my turn.’ David said with a raised eyebrow. He nodded at the chair and Patrick perched on it, watching him. He still never got tired of watching David, whether it was David in the Store helping customers being so competent even if he didn’t know it, watching him in full flight about something being ‘incorrect’ or having a fit at him over some minor thing, or the times he was actually quiet, like now, and his face changed a bit. Patrick sometimes thought he was the only one who saw that. David crossed to his corner of the bed.
‘What?’ he said ‘Is it not right?’ Patrick was looking at him strangely.
‘Impeccable bed-making skills you could be a chambermaid.’ Patrick smirked.
‘Well you can keep that kind of role-playing ideas to yourself.’ David said, lightly tapping Patrick’s knees out of the way to get past. Patrick lightly smacked his ass in return as he bent over to finish the bed. He laughed. For the second time in the past half hour. Something he didn’t think he’d be doing today when he woke up in that bed. He finished and stood up with a flourish. Patrick was grinning at him.
‘Beautiful.’ His infuriating fiance said, standing and stepping into his space, moving his hands to David’s hips and tilting his head up, rather than kissing his mouth going for the spot under his jaw. ‘Now I know you said you were too exhausted but it seems a shame to waste such a beautifully made bed just sleeping in it…’ he kissed David’s neck again, in a way that he knew was guaranteed to get results. Sure enough.
‘Well when you put it that way…’ David leaned down and kissed Patrick deeply, holding his face in his hands. Before he had a chance to come up for air he found himself shoved backwards onto the bed, Patrick following him.
From that opener David had expected an energetic, end of day tumble around the bed. But once Patrick rolled on top of him he switched to something slower, more considered. He seemed to be considering every inch of David as they went. And while he wasn’t complaining at the level of attention he did have to pull back at one point and silently check in that everything was ok.
They had a sort of silent language for it. Developed early on when Patrick’s enthusiastic fumbling would sometimes lead to over-enthusiasm, or David’s occasional vulnerability and insecurity would kick in. They’d developed safe-words too but this was more subtle. David would pause and place a hand square on Patrick’s chest to still him. Forcing him to check in with himself. Patrick would do the same to check on David. That they both did it today was telling maybe, of the day they’d had. But they both nodded agreement at different points and carried on.
It was soft and languid, and strangely soothing after all that. David felt like he was melting into his partner and he loved it. He loved that this was the kind of sex they could have too, easy, and relaxed and almost without agenda. Even today with the fierce intensity he kept sensing in Patrick, it was soft and caring too, and he let himself get lost in it, finally forgetting the worst of the day. He smiled into some final kisses.
‘I was wrong, I’m not sure I have ever been more attracted to you.’ he smiled, kissing Patrick’s chest before flopping down on it.
‘Such flattery.’ Patrick smiled, running a hand through David’s hair to try and settle it, and failing. ‘Still I’m glad you can love me even with my nose thing.’
‘In spite of.’ David corrected with a kiss. ‘Ugh now I really do need the bathroom.’
He hauled himself up, slowed by more kisses, until they detangled. Eventually after getting ready for bed for the second time- and remaking it for the third time that day- they flopped into bed. David resumed his position, head on Patrick’s shoulder.
‘Well that was fun.’ he said with a smile, kissing Patrick’s shoulder and resting his head down.
‘Mmm.’ Patrick said bringing an arm up and wrapping it around David’s shoulder. He felt David work his arm across his stomach and rest his hand there. Patrick brought his hand over to rub across David’s and he made a small sound, of maybe contentment, maybe something else. Patrick dropped a kiss to his head and they settled for a moment.
‘Are you ok?’ Patrick said eventually.
David huffed. ‘Well I’m going to be tired tomorrow it’s officially way past my bedtime. And you know I need my beauty sleep.’ he nudged his boyfriend playfully.’
‘No David.’ Patrick shifted, his tone serious. He paused before repeating. ‘Are you..ok?’ he’d held off asking this all day. He didn’t want to set David off any more than he was already. And then his Mother and Sister and the video...it had been a day. But things had settled now and he felt like he wouldn’t sleep if he didn’t ask. He felt David shift off him. And Patrick sat up a bit.
‘What do you mean?’ David knitted his brows at his boyfriend. Unsure he was following.
Patrick looked down, looking like he felt he shouldn’t ask. ‘Well you know I just wanted to check. What happened...is it what your Mom said? Is it something else? Is there any chance you could be...sick?’ he tried to keep a rising note of panic out of his voice.
‘Oh.’ David’s face softened and he kissed Patrick’s cheek. Touched by his concern. And it was, he guessed time to talk about it. He snaked an arm around Patrick first burrowing his head in, not sure if he was comforting himself or his boyfriend. ‘I’m fine. I promise.’ he said into Patrick’s chest before sitting up. Patrick blinked at him expectantly. ‘Exactly like my Mom said. All in my head.’ he rolled his eyes. He looped an arm through Patrick’s, thinking. It had been many years, thankfully since it had happened. And he had thought it was over with.
‘David?’ Patrick prodded gently.
‘It will come as no surprise to you my dear that my brain often works against me.’ He shrugged ‘You’ve had the pleasure of what insomnia does to me. And well, everything else my Mom mentioned too, night terrors the lot.’ he shrugged again. He took a breath. ‘It happened a lot when I was a kid. Probably more than my Mom knows actually, they obviously weren't around a lot, and well it went on a lot later than maybe she knows, so I got good at hiding it. It will also not surprise you that I was not the coolest but certainly the most anxious of teenagers.’ he rolled his eyes ‘Not exactly how you’re supposed to make a mess of your bed as a teenager.’ Patrick chuckled lightly. ‘Anyway it stopped mostly. By my twenties I wrote the odd ‘incident’’ he made quotation marks as he did so ‘as too much drink, which you know was probably also true at the time.’ he looked over at Patrick ‘it hasn’t happened in a long time.’
He paused and shifted. Patrick could sense him thinking and ran a hand up his arm.
‘I don’t know, I guess she was right about stress or whatever. But I don’t know why. Unless I am dying of some horrible disease that makes this happen, in which case you will soon not need that divorce option’
‘David.’ Patrick gave him a slight warning. He knew he was half-joking to deflect the potential emotional impact of the situation and he’d let him get away with it earlier. But something had shifted now. He felt David fidget uncomfortably, and he sat up to look at him. David flicked his eyes up and back down.
‘I wouldn’t blame you.’ he said seriously and a bit sad now. ‘Not just for that. But I know I’ve got a lot of ...baggage...’ he rolled his eyes at the word. ‘I wouldn’t blame you.’ he said again with a shrug.
Patrick looked at his despondent face and wondered, not for the first time, what terrible things other people had said and done. He leaned over and tilted his head down to kiss him lightly. Holding his cheek for a second. ‘Not an option.’ he said with a little smile. ‘Besides I can list at least ten things you do regularly that are much more likely to make me file for divorce.’
That worked and David laughed softly, working his way to lie back down. ‘Just ten?’ he asked ‘ooh cold feet.’ he whined as he entwined his legs with Patrick’s under the covers with a forceful nudge.
‘Eleven’ Patrick said, lifting an arm and letting him settle. Kissing his hair as he did so. He felt David softly huff into him as he snaked an arm back over his stomach and rested there. Everything felt calm for a moment.
‘David?’ Patrick ventured.
‘Mmmhff’ he said into his chest, fearing a request to either move or turn out a light was coming his way.
‘No um, David.’ Patrick used the tone where he wanted his attention, so he shifted upwards a bit, kissing under his jaw and running his hand back and forth on his stomach letting him know he was listening.
‘I wouldn’t you know.’ Patrick said slowly, he’d run some of this over and over in his mind. Trying to figure out the best way to say it. ‘Leave. Because of it. Or even if it was something that happened a lot. I know I teased you a bit too, because that’s what we do. But also, I don’t mind. When I say I don’t mind, I mean it in all the ‘in sickness and in health’ kind of ways you’re supposed to.’
David exhaled softly. That wasn’t what he was expecting. He traced a line with his thumb on Patrick’s stomach and felt his hand come up over his. ‘It’s pretty disgusting though. And you shouldn’t, you know have to put up with that. Nobody should.’ he hadn’t let himself dwell too much on that today either.
‘It’s just bodies David, and what they do.... Sometimes we can’t control that.’ he shrugged ‘And I just want you to know, I will never mind I will never-would never- leave over something out of your control, something your body did. Whatever. I’m not making much sense.’
There was a pause. David nuzzled closer into his neck for a minute, taking that in. Then he flipped their hands under the covers so he could intertwine his fingers with Patrick’s. ‘Tell me.’ he muttered. He was finally getting a handle on when Patrick had something he wasn’t saying, and how to push for it. Patrick gave a little huff.
David was learning when he was holding something back, and that it was ok to ask. He squeezed their hands. And thought a moment more before starting. It had been on his mind all day. The reason he wasn’t phased by it, both all those things he’d just said. But something more. He kissed David’s head again before speaking.
‘When I was a kid, I guess from like ten until twelve or thirteen? My Dad got sick. He’s ok now, but he got really sick for a while and my Mom was taking care of him. Sometimes that was just making him take medication, feeding him the right things he’s stubborn. Which I know is a trait you’re familiar with.’ he felt David laugh against him. That definition could apply to both of them. ‘Anyway, he was sick off and on for a few years. He had some surgeries too. And my Mom took care of him- physically took care of him when he couldn’t do it himself.’ he paused letting that sink in. ‘I watched her feed him sometimes- if he was too weak, or I don’t know if the medication sometimes made him shake too much or whatever. She’d sit and quietly feed him in the kitchen, and I’d pretend not to see. And she’d dress him, when he couldn’t. And bathe him. I knew about the times early on, when he’d had surgery, obviously he needed a lot of help then, and Mom did it, she bathed him, I guess changed bandages and whatever. But also when he was just sick and weak, she helped him shower, take care of himself.’ He swallowed, David was really still now, so he squeezed his hand. He squeezed back. And carried on. ‘But with being sick comes all kinds of stuff. And she cleaned up everything- I mean everything- I saw my Dad vomit more times that I care to remember and they hid most of it from me.’ David scooted in a bit closer at that. ‘But I know she cleaned up every bodily fluid there is, multiple times. I saw the sheets in the machine, I saw her changing them right after I knew fresh ones went on. And she did it, without question. It’s not it wasn’t hard, or even occasionally probably really fucking disgusting. But she wasn’t disgusted by him. It wasn’t his fault. And she never questioned their relationship because of any of that.’ Because that’s what you do.’ he reached up a hand to David’s hair ‘Because that’s what love is.’
He stopped talking. He could feel his chest tightening, it had made him emotional in a way he hadn’t expected. They didn’t talk about that time at home- another Brewer family trait to file things away in the past. But as scary as it had been for many reasons, he’d been aware even as a kid, that what his Mom did was out of love. He reached his free hand up to wipe his eyes. And David shifted, sitting up a bit, He looked at him with a soft, concerned expression and leaned over and kissed him, holding his palm against his cheek.
‘I love you.’ Patrick managed to continue ‘So don’t ever think I wouldn’t do anything you needed me to.’ He narrowed his eyes ‘No matter how disgusting.’
David kissed him again, and burrowed into his chest. Patrick caught the hitch in his breathing a second later. And pulled him closer.
David breathed him in a second. It was both that story, that he had no idea Patrick had gone through that as a kid. But also the matter of fact honesty. Nobody had ever entertained looking after him in any way before. But for Patrick it was a given. Nobody but his family or the Nanny had ever been around for an ‘incident’ before either but he had a pretty good sense nobody would have stuck around after either. He wound his hand into Patrick’s shirt for a moment and tried to compose himself.
‘Hey, there.’ Patrick murmured at him. ‘Look at me a sec?’ he ran his hand over David’s head again. ‘Yeah?’
David looked up and sniffed. ‘I’m being ridiculous, I know. You’re the one telling me a sad story.’
‘Hey.’ Patrick shifted a bit more upright ‘It’s not a sad ending, my Dad is totally fine. Not a sad story I promise ok?’ David nodded at him. Reassured. For a moment.
‘But you went through that as a kid.’ David said softly. Sitting up again.
Patrick shifted a bit, guessing they were talking about this now. ‘My parents protected me from it mostly. Kept the worst of it from me. But yeah, it was still hard. But.’ he rubbed his hand up David’s arm ‘Like I said ended ok.’ he paused, wondering if this was the time to say it. ‘You must have had tough times too, with your Mom.’
It wasn’t something they ever outright discussed. Another of the things David hid in barbed comments or ridiculous stories. Like at the Baby Sprinkle with the pill game. On the way home Patrick had asked him, and he’d grown serious for a moment talking about the fact they were indeed ‘darker days’ but they never dwelled on it. He watched David fidget with the covers for a moment before taking his hand.
‘Sorry I didn’t mean to…’ he shrugged.
‘Nobody ever really cared.’ David said. He wiped at his eyes with his free hand. ‘This sounds like ‘poor little rich family’ but when you’re ‘Moira Rose’ they just wanted to listen to gossip, tell people about the latest meltdown. And don’t get me wrong sometimes it was pretty fucking spectacular.’
‘But?’ Patrick prompted gently.
‘But they weren’t trying to protect their little sister from seeing our Mom at the very worst. They weren’t calling their Dad at 3am when he was two time zones away begging him to come home. They weren’t the ones being laughed at in school for the crazy Mom.’
‘Well, that must have been hard too.’ Patrick looked over and hoped David understood. They both had shared struggles as kids. He added. ‘I bet you took care of her too. Because you are a good person David Rose.’ he leaned over and kissed his cheek.
David smiled. Remembering many times he’d had to call for a Doctor or ambulance. Or the pharmacy runs to get more pills, to cancel out the current pills in the bad times. Shouting for help from the staff, getting someone to take Alexis somewhere else when she was little. The few times he’d wiped his Mom’s face and redone her makeup to make her more presentable, just so they could get to the car and home from wherever they were. Or the few vomit related instances he’d care to forget.
‘I guess.’ he said ‘And I guess, I won’t file for divorce if you ever wet the bed either.’
‘Duly noted.’ Patrick smiled. He leaned over and kissed David. Lingering a little longer than a good night kiss. ‘I love you.’ he said.
David looked down. Unsure why he was embarrassed, Patrick said it embarrassingly often. Usually also when he wanted something. But he knew this one was weighted. A reminder he was loved. He flicked his eyes back up. ‘Love you too.’ he said and added, quietly ‘Thank you.’
Patrick nodded. Understanding. ‘Sleep?’ he said.
‘Mmm’ David said ‘You do not want me two nights without my beauty sleep.’
‘That I do not.’ Patrick laughed, reaching for the light. He lifted an arm for David to curl under, and reached down for a last kiss goodnight.
David rested his head back on Patrick’s chest, soothed as ever by the steadiness of his heartbeat. Nobody had ever been around for an ‘incident’ before, and nobody else would have been here the next night. And every night after that.