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I Didn't Mean To

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Jason wraps himself around Tim’s curled-up, crying figure.

“I d-didn’t mean to,” Tim chokes out.

Jason runs on his hands over Tim’s hair, “shh baby bird I know, we all know. You weren’t in control it wasn’t your fault.”

“Doesn’t m-matter,” Tim sniffles, “it was still me. The blood’s on my hands.”

Jason tightens the arm he has wrapped around Tim, “no it’s not on your hands Tim, it wasn’t you. It could have been me, or Dick, or even Bruce who was forced to do that.”

Tim sobs harder, curling deeper into himself. Jason’s heart breaks a little more for Tim, he just holds him, running soothing hands over him trying to give Tim any comfort he might find.

Once Tim’s sobs ease into a slow stream of tears, Jason coaxes Tim out of his curled-up position and turns Tim face him. Jason cups Tim’s face with one hand, running his thumb tenderly over his cheek. He presses soft kisses on Tim’s eye lids, his forehead, one on his nose, and a final stronger, warm kiss onto his lips.

When Jason pulls back and watches Tim open his eyes, they’re puffy, red, and irritated. Jason sees how crumpled and broken Tim looks, and wishes he could take the pain away, if only he knew how to.

“I think my body’s out of water, it won’t let me cry anymore,” Tim’s hoarse voice croaks out.

“Probably,” Jason agrees, “let’s get you some water, and I’ll cook you some dinner.”

Jason stands and extends his hands down to Tim, but Tim doesn’t reach for the hand, he merely stares at it hopelessly. So Jason kneels down onto the bed, wraps a blanket around Tim before scooping him up, one arm around his shoulders, the other behind his knees, holding Tim close to him.

Jason walks them into the living room and lays Tim down on the couch, he kisses Tim’s forehead once more before going to the kitchen for a glass of water. When he comes back, Jason hands Tim the glass and watches him slowly drain it.

He takes the glass back from Tim and uses his other hand to hold Tim’s giving it a soft squeeze, “it’ll be okay baby bird. Not today, not this week, but someday you’ll be okay. And I’ll be here to help you get there, okay?” Jason tells him, trying to communicate as much love, hope, and care as he can into his words.

Tim looks up at Jason, eyes still sad but a tad softer, “I love you Jay.”

Jason smiles sadly, “I love you too Timmy.”