Chapter Text
The Blades
Krolia: I’m meeting Keith’s friends today.
Thace: Yay!
Krolia: Not yay.
Regris: Not yay?
Krolia: No.
Krolia: I’m nervous again.
Kolivan: I thought meeting Takashi and Adam went well.
Krolia: It did.
Krolia: And so did meeting Kosmo.
Ulaz: Who’s Kosmo?
Krolia: Keith’s “dog”.
Regris: uhh “dog”??
Krolia: Kosmo is a wolf.
Thace: Is that even legal?
Thace: DONT SAY THAT YOURE ABOVE THE LAW
Krolia: I wasn’t going to.
Krolia: I was going to say that Keith is above the law.
Thace: I walked right into that one :(
Ulaz: Yes you did.
Regris: Ulaz isn’t even nice to his husband tsk tsk
Thace: He’s just brutally honest
Ulaz: Why would I lie?
Kolivan: Sometimes I wish you would.
Regris: Is this because he said your pants made you look fat yesterday?
Regris: Bc they did and you were the one asking about it
Ulaz: I don’t comment unless prompted.
Thace: He’s like a little robot!
Ulaz: I’m not little.
Thace: You’re littler than me
Regris: Tbf its kinda hard not to be
Krolia: Yes, yes, Thace is huge, but let’s get back to the issue at hand.
Krolia: Also Ulaz was doing you a favor by insulting your pants, Kolivan.
Kolivan: I hate all of you.
Regris: WE LOVE YOU TOO <33333
Thace: ^^^
Krolia: I’m not nervous about them liking me so much as me not liking them.
Ulaz: Explain.
Krolia: Keith really wants this to go well, and so do I.
Krolia: It would kill him if I didn’t like his friends.
Thace: oh god what if you dont like LANCE
Krolia: Don’t put that thought in my head Thace.
Regris: That would be very bad
Kolivan: Hasn’t Keith told you about them?
Kolivan: Haven’t we all told you about them?
Krolia: Yes, but still.
Thace: aww Krolia
Krolia: What?
Thace: You’re so soft for Keith!
Ulaz: It is adorable.
Kolivan: If Ulaz says it, I guess it’s true then.
Regris: I can sense the saltiness from over here Kolivan
Krolia: I just really need to like his friends.
Krolia: And Lance.
Ulaz: You aren’t scared that they won’t like you?
Krolia: No, I’m amazing.
Thace: We love self-confidence :)
Kolivan: Krolia, I’m sure it will be fine.
Kolivan: They’re probably nervous to meet you too.
The Squad™
Podge: WE’RE MEETING THE LOVE OF MY LIFE TODAY
Hunky: IM SO EXCITED
Sharpshooter: MOMMA MULLET CHAIN
Podge: MOMMA MULLET
Hunky: MOMMA MULLET
MattyPatty: MOMMA MULLET
Mrs.Dad: MOMMA MULLET
Samurai: Adam you already met her???
Mrs.Dad: Yeah so what?
Mr.Dad: She spent most of the time with Kosmo, so we really didn’t meet her.
Samurai: It’s not her fault that Kosmo is better than you.
Mrs.Dad: ouch :(
Sharpshooter: I’d defend you but Kosmo is my child :(((
MattyPatty: My nephew or my best friend
MattyPatty: Who should I choose
Mrs.Dad: ...nephew :((
MattyPatty: sorry Adam
Mr.Dad: I hope this time we can actually talk to her.
Samurai: You did talk though
Mr.Dad: Not about her
Mrs.Dad: Well, it was kinda your fault for starting off by mentioning the time Keith almost stabbed you to death
Mr.Dad: I DIDNT KNOW SHE WOULD START RANTING ABOUT KNIVES
Samurai: She gave birth to me Shiro you should have known
Podge: I can’t believe I’m a simp for Krolia
Princess: I can’t believe I still haven’t spoken to her.
Hunky: Matt hasn’t either
MattyPatty: a fact I’m STILL not okay with btw
MattyPatty: what’s the point of working at Alfor’s if I don’t get to talk to Keith’s mom
Princess: Normally I don’t agree with you when you complain about your job, but I’m making an exception this time.
Princess: even SHAY has met her
Mustache: She just doesn’t want to talk to people while she eats! It’s very understandable!
Mustache: Shay only met her because Krolia sits in her area
MattyPatty: yeah but Shay won’t switch with me :(((
Mustache: I don’t control her
Hunky: yeah! Shay is a strong, independent woman!
Mustache: You should’ve just bribed her Matt!
Hunky: Coran!!
Mustache: Yes?
Princess: that still doesn’t explain why I haven’t met her yet
Mustache: That’s simple.
Mustache: I forgot to introduce you two!
Princess: ...
Podge: honest mistake tbf
Sharpshooter: yeah Coran has lots of stuff going on
Samurai: Allura you couldv’e just went over to “check on how she’s liking the place”
Mrs.Dad: *could’ve
Samurai: what are you an English teacher?
Mr.Dad: He COULD’VE been
Samurai: you’re both dead to me
Mrs.Dad: D:
Mr.Dad: fine by me
Mr.Dad: my chances of getting stabbed to death will decrease significantly
Samurai: Just because you’re dead to me doesn’t mean I won’t stab you
Samurai: accidnettally
Mr.Dad: *accidentally
Samurai: Okay where are you
Samurai: I need help
Mr.Dad: I’m right down the block. What’s wrong?
Samurai: I need help finding you so I can stab you
Mr.Dad: oh no
Mrs.Dad : TAKASHI RUN HES ABOVE THE LAW
Samurai: After I stab your husband, I’m coming for you
Hunky: Is this normal????
MattyPatty: Yes
Podge: yeah
Sharpshooter: you should see them do this in person
Sharpshooter: it’s worse
Hunky: How can it get worse?????
Sharpshooter: if THIS is too much for you then you don’t wanna know
Mr.Dad: (selfie of himself and Keith--Shiro is smiling, and Keith has his knifepoint touching his prosthetic arm)
Mr.Dad: guess you’re next sweetheart
Mrs.Dad: oh the humanity
Princess: I want this.
MattyPatty: Hey! Being lonely and single is MY thing
Princess: you aren’t single anymore so somebody has to take up the mantle
MattyPatty: Just sayin, if you accepted my marriage proposal a year ago you wouldn’t have this problem
Samurai: WHAT
Mr.Dad: You never told me you guys dated
Princess: We didn’t.
Princess: He just had a huge, adorable crush on me.
Podge: ha SIMP
MattyPatty: quIET
Hunky: We were all there Matt
Hunky: You were definitely simping for Allura buddy
Sharpshooter: tbf I think we all were
Mustache: No I think it was just you and Matt if I’m remembering correctly!
Sharpshooter: thx for that Coran
Mrs.Dad: wait wait wait
Mrs.Dad: can someone please tell me how this proposal happened??
MattyPatty: I shall tell the tale
MattyPatty: I got drunk on accident
MattyPatty: and proposed to Allura at the Alfor’s New Years Eve Party
Podge: Y’all should’ve seen it
Princess: It was kind of sweet?
MattyPatty: gee thanks Allura
Princess: You slurred together most of your “speech” and then face planted while trying to get down on one knee
Princess: we didn’t even realize it was a proposal until after you sobered up and showed us the napkin you wrote the “speech” on
MattyPatty: ...in my defence it was a lot more romantic in my head
MattyPatty: also
MattyPatty: DONT PUT QUOTES AROUND SPPEECH IT WAS BEAUTRIFUL I SHOULD BE A FAMOUS POIET
Podge: Idk which word to make fun of
Samurai: all of them
Mr.Dad: Don’t make fun of Matt for proposing to Allura
MattyPatty: THANK YOU SHIRO :D
Mr.Dad: His proposal to me was much funnier
MattyPatty : NOOOOOO I TRUSTED YOU
Mrs.Dad: wHAT
Sharpshooter: TELL US TELL US TELL US
Hunky: guys?
Sharpshooter: yes hunky the loml?
Mrs.Dad: wth lance
Sharpshooter: *2nd loml
MattyPatty: BETRAYED AGAIN
Sharpshooter: **3rd loml
Hunky: ...
Hunky: hate to break this up but we’re meeting Krolia soon and I think that literally nobody is on their way
Sharpshooter: oh no I’m already here
Mustache: He’s been here for an hour now!
Samurai: jesus lance why?
Sharpshooter: ...so she’s impressed with my punctuality??
Podge: how adorable
Hunky: you know I can’t tell if that’s supposed to be sarcastic or not
Podge: yes
Sharpshooter: she means it but like in a condescending “lance you dummy (thicc)” kinda way
Podge: ew
Samurai: that makes sense
Samurai: Lance she’s going to love you
Samurai: and she’s going to love all of you
Samurai: if she doesn’t then I’ll take away her Kosmo visitation rights
Sharpshooter: YOU DISCUSSED VISITATION RIGHTS WITHOUT ME????
Mr.Dad: Adam they’re just like us
Mrs.Dad: oh no
Samurai: lance its not that big of a deal i mean shes my mother
Sharpshooter: NOT A BIG DEAL???
Samurai: not THAT big of a deal
Sharpshooter: IM GETTING A DIVORCE AND TAKING THE KIDS
Samurai: kids????
Samurai: plural????
Sharpshooter: i was waiting for the right moment to tell you but
Sharpshooter: IM PREGNANT
Samurai: HOW
Sharpshooter: WITH TWINS
Sharpshooter: (picture of two kittens)
Samurai: my children!!
Samurai: LANCE YOU CANT DO THIS
Sharpshooter: YOU BET YOUR SWEET ASS I CAN
Samurai: aww you think I have a sweet ass
Samurai: the feeling is mutual btw ;)
Sharpshooter: I-
Sharpshooter: Okay all is forgiven :)
Sharpshooter: when do you want to meet and name the kiddos
Samurai: After lunch with Krolia?
Sharpshooter: Sure thing!
Samurai : <3
Sharpshooter: <3
Podge: wtf did I just watch
Mrs.Dad: marriage?
Mr.Dad: Adam they’re more married than we are
Princess: I think it was a sign for me to ignore the group chat for the rest of the day.
MattyPatty: Do you solve all your arguments like that?
Sharpshooter: yes (and with communication wuw)
Samurai: you should try the flirting method with Curtis next time you fight about video games
MattyPatty: likeeeee using bad pickup lines? ;)
Sharpshooter: the worst ;)
Hunky : LANCE YOU GOT CATS
Sharpshooter: ik!!!!
Sharpshooter : OH QUISZKAK
Mustache: lol
Hunky: Lance???
Samurai: oh no
Podge: what happened?
Mustache: Krolia just walked in
Samurai: and lance is still the only one there
Mr.Dad: how do you know that?
Samurai: lucky guess
Mrs.Dad: sorry lance :(
Mrs.Dad: we took public transportation today to see what its like
Samurai: Spoiler Alert: It sucks
Mr.Dad: language
Samurai: I hate this family
Mrs.Dad: Keith now is not the time.
Mrs.Dad: Your boyfriend is in peril.
Hunky: oh god hes gonna ramble
Podge : RESIST LANCE RESIST
Samurai: i think its cute when he rambles
Podge: You don’t understand Keith
Podge: this is your MOM
Samurai: yeah so?
Hunky: Keith he’s going to ramble about YOU
Samurai: OH NO
MattyPatty: I WISH I WAS AT WORKKKKK
Mustache: no you dont
MattyPatty: yeah u right i dont
Mrs.Dad: Coran give us updates!
Mustache: no im eating ice cream
Mrs.Dad: fair enough
Mr.Dad: Keith I’m sorry it had to end this way
Samurai: I love him :((((
Samurai: and now hes gonna dieeee
Samurai: Krolia’s gonna stab him
Podge: you sound more like lance every day ya simp
Hunky: at least we’ll have something to remember him by!
Samurai: HES GOING TO MAKE ME A WIDOW
Samurai: WE JUST GOT TWO MORE KIDS
MattyPatty: i cant tell if keith is serious or not about Krolia stabbing lance
Mr.Dad: (picture of Keith looking absolutely DEVASTATED)
Mrs.Dad: I think he IS serious
Podge: Krolia won’t kill Lance
Samurai: SHES ABOVE THE LAW KATIE
Hunky: Okay but now that im thinking about it
Hunky: Maybe she’ll like that Lance is ranting about Keith
Samurai: thats the problem isnt it?
Hunky: ?
Samurai: I DONT KNOW HER WELL ENOUGH TO GUESS WHAT SHES GOING TO DO
MattyPatty: Lance’s possible murder aside
MattyPatty: this is the most animated Keith has been through texting like,,,, ever
Samurai: im taking a nap
Mrs.Dad: thats just going to make you hyper
Mr.Dad: hes already asleep
Mrs.Dad: Didn’t even turn off his phone the little
Mr.Dad: Adams phone has been taken away to avoid insulting my little brother.
Podge: hahaha
Mustache: This ice cream is good!
Hunky: what flavor is it?
Mustache: I have no idea!
Mustache: It’s unlabeled
MattyPatty: CORAN THATS MINE
MattyPatty: I MADE THAT LAST WEEK WTH
Mustache: You should have labeled it matthew
MattyPatty: IT WAS IN MY PERSONAL MINIFRIDGE
Mustache: Your personal minifridge is in MY restaurant.
MattyPatty: the AUDACITY
MattyPatty: also traffic sucks rn im so sorry lance
Mrs.Dad: MATT I CAN SEE YOU
MattyPatty: ADAM
Podge: didn’t your phone JUST get taken?
Mrs.Dad: I saw matt and overcame all the odds <3
MattyPatty: <3
Princess: wake Keith up
Princess: He’ll want to see this
Mr.Dad: on it
Hunky: I thought you left the chat for today?
Princess: This is important
Podge: ooooo mystery~
Samurai: okay first of all
Samurai: what the hell shiro your feet stink
Samurai: second of all
Samurai: what’s up Allura?
Princess: (picture of Lance and Krolia laughing in a private room at Alfor’s while painting each other’s nails)
Samurai: oh thank god she didn’t kill him
Hunky: Keith your mom is adorable
MattyPatty: awwwww
Princess: oh no they caught me!!
Sharpshooter added Krolia to The Squad™
Sharpshooter: allura u so sneaky
Krolia: hello
Sharpshooter : MEET MY NEW BEST FRIEND
Samurai: Hey Krolia
Krolia: Don’t break up with Lance.
Samurai: I wont
Krolia: He can break up with you though, that’s fine.
Samurai: I-
MattyPatty: omg she likes lance more
Sharpshooter changed Krolia to Momma Mullet
Momma Mullet: lol
Samurai : LANCE YOU BROKE KROLIA
Sharpshooter: I taught her text lingo
Samurai: YOU BROKE HER
Sharpshooter: I also taught her how to paint her nails
Sharpshooter: apparently she’s only ever worn stick on nails
Momma Mullet: They’re no-nonsense and take no time at all to put on.
Sharpshooter: but we had so much fun :((((
Sharpshooter: so many bonding moments :(((
Momma Mullet: Yes we did :)
Sharpshooter : :D
Mrs.Dad: I want to see this in person more than anything I’ve ever wanted ever
Mr.Dad: Even our marriage?
Mrs.Dad: yes
MattyPatty: WERE ALMOST THERE
Podge: apparently traffic only lets up once matt and adam start being gay
Mrs.Dad: I can’t decide if that means the universe is a gay icon or if the drivers are just homophobic
Podge: who cares
Momma Mullet: The universe is a gay icon.
Momma Mullet: I care, Katie.
Podge: IM SO SORRY
Hunky: I don’t think your marriage with Keith’s mom is going to work out Pidge :(
Podge: NOOOOOO
Momma Mullet: I was never married to you.
Momma Mullet: I don’t even know you.
Podge: ouch :(
Sharpshooter: scroll up K
Momma Mullet: Okay.
Samurai: Today feels like a fever dream.
Hunky: Idk Keith this is the cutest thing ive ever seen
Hunky: im here btw
Hunky: the gay icon universe also helped with my traffic!
Hunky: (picture of Lance showing Krolia TikTok)
MattyPatty: PLEASE make her make a tiktok account
Sharpshooter: shes on it
MattyPatty: YES
Podge: I’m getting TikTok just for her
Sharpshooter: Also, Keith
Sharpshooter: she wanted me to tell you that she would never stab me
Sharpshooter: oh and she wanted to tell Pidge that she’s flattered because you seem like a nice person but youre way too young for her
Podge: Sad, but true
Podge: also I don’t even feel that way about anyone lmao
MattyPatty: I can see that you’re deflecting your pain with the lmao Katie :(
MattyPatty: Does your heart need grief counceling?
Podge: Maybe if you spelled counselling right I would answer that question
Hunky: guys!!!
Hunky: go follow Momma Mullet on TikTok
Mrs.Dad: Is that actually her username??
Hunky: YES!!
Mr.Dad: I think I might get TikTok now too Pidge
Mrs.Dad: bitch please you already have TikTok
Mr.Dad: what? No I don’t
Samurai: You’re making your liar face Takashi
Mr.Dad: No I’m not
Mr.Dad: And I don’t have a liar face
Mrs.Dad: Sureeeee Mr. 1M followers
Mr.Dad: dang it
Podge: wHAT
Momma Mullet: Lance showed me your TikTok Shiro.
Momma Mullet: It was very informative.
Mr.Dad: NO LANCE WHY
Sharpshooter: For the drama
Hunky: He showed me too
Hunky: bc I’m here
Hunky: unlike you
MattyPatty: daaaang Hunk is salty today
Podge: I have TikTok
Podge: what’s shiro’s username
Mr.Dad: DONT TELL HER
Podge: oh wait i can just see who Krolia is following
Podge: oh my god
Mr.Dad: Katie please
Podge: SHIRO HAS A BAKUDEKU FAN ACCOUNT
Podge : WITH LIKE A MILLION FOLLOWERS
MattyPatty: Takashi wowwww
Mr.Dad: :(
Mrs.Dad: OH LOOK we’re here now
Mr.Dad: Don’t try to be nice to me when you were the reason this happened in the first place.
Mrs.Dad: Okay would you rather stay here and be made fun of or?
Mr.Dad: ...Oh look at that we’re finally here
Samurai: I can see them from here
Samurai: I cant believe im her least favorite son now.
Momma Mullet: Lance and I have bonded.
Momma Mullet: As friends as well as possible family.
Sharpshooter: She gave me your hand in marriage Keithy ;))))
Podge: The one time we’re all late for something smh
Princess: Everyone’s phones are going in the Basket btw
MattyPatty: NOT THE BASKET D:
Princess: Yes Matt
Princess: The Basket
Mustache: Boo
Princess: If you give me some of Matt’s ice cream you can keep your phone
Mustache: Deal.
MattyPatty: Alluraaa what the heck?!
Princess: It’s our place
Princess: Deal with it :)
MattyPatty: THIS is why we kicked y’all out of the employee group chat
Podge: ooooo he used y’all
Mrs.Dad: he ANGRY angry
Princess: Phones. Basket. Now.
Princess: i can’t believe I’m saying this but follow lance’s example
Podge: okay fine
(Two hours later.)
Momma Mullet: I enjoyed meeting all of you today.
MattyPatty: I think I can speak for everyone when I say
MattyPatty: WE LOVE YOU WUW
Princess: It was nice to meet one of Uncle’s friends!
Mrs.Dad: Shiro and I were glad to finally talk to you :) <3
Momma Mullet: But I enjoyed meeting Lance the most.
Sharpshooter: aw shucks K you’re making me blush
Samurai: My mother stole my boyfriend.
Mr.Dad: I feel your pain
Mrs.Dad: who stole me?
Mr.Dad: Lance and Matt
Mr.Dad: and my dad
Mrs.Dad: okay trueee
MattyPatty: dad has a dad?
Podge: dadception
Mr.Dad: guys you’ve met my parents
Hunky: Well the rest of us still need to meet our grandparents Shiro
Mr.Dad: no
Hunky: :((((((
Mr.Dad: They were at the wedding Hunk
Hunky: WHERE
Sharpshooter: You didn’t meet them?
Hunky: no :(
Samurai: They’re coming to visit during spring break so you can meet them there
Hunky: Yay!
Momma Mullet: Do I also get to meet them?
Samurai: Yeah but I forgot to tell them that you exist now
Mr.Dad: KEITH
Samurai: Sorry
Momma Mullet: I’ve always existed.
Samurai: not to me
Sharpshooter: KEITH
Mr.Dad: KEITH
Samurai : WIAT THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT
Momma Mullet: That’s okay.
Momma Mullet: Where the law was concerned I really didn’t exist, so you aren’t wrong.
Samurai: phew
Podge: hahahhahahah
Momma Mullet: Lance, will you remove me now?
Sharpshooter: no problemo
Sharpshooter removed Momma Mullet from The Squad™
Podge: NOOOOOOO
Podge: KROLIAAAA
MattyPatty: you’ll always have “she’s flattered”
Podge: being a simp is exhausting idk how klance does it every day
Sharpshooter: not exhausting if its loveeeeee
Samurai: ew thats sappy
Sharpshooter: Shut the hell up Keith I have screenshots
Samurai: ugh i love you too ig
Mr.Dad: Don’t mind him
Mr.Dad: He’s still upset that Krolia stole you
Sharpshooter: At least she likes me!!
Samurai: I’m not upset
Samurai: I’m just tired from stressing myself out all day
Sharpshooter: you wanna facetime?
Sharpshooter: I added a new product to my face regimen that I can show you!!!
Samurai: Okay :)
Podge: bruh keith hates beauty stuff wth
MattyPatty: Honestly I think he just likes hearing lance talk lmao
Podge: Ik he does its just funny
Podge: He doesn’t even wash his face
Hunky: You better hope Lance never sees these texts...
Mustache: Keith will get love tackled but with more vengeance in his eyes
Podge: not again
(One Hour Later.)
Samurai to Momma Mullet
Samurai: You keeping the name?
Momma Mullet: Yes, and so are you.
Samurai: what?
Momma Mullet changed Samurai to Baby Mullet
Baby Mullet: ...ill leave it for now
Momma Mullet: You have to show your friends.
Momma Mullet: Tell them Lance taught me how to do it.
Baby Mullet: fine but Lance and I are going to be having words
Momma Mullet: I wouldn’t expect anything less.
The Squad™
Baby Mullet: Lance I hate you why did you show Krolia how to do this
Sharpshooter: awww baby mullet why you so angwy
Baby Mullet: die
Podge: HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA
Baby Mullet: I WILL KILL ALL OF YOU
Hunky: It was scary before but now its just cute!
Baby Mullet: N O
Mr.Dad: This is adorable Keith
Mrs.Dad: AWWWW KEITH ADMIT IT YOURE CUTE
Baby Mullet: I just came in here to show you the name before I changed it
Princess: Keith don’t do it
MattyPatty: This is the best name you’ve had yet :((
Mustache: Please keep the name!
MattyPatty: See even Coran and Allura agree!
Baby Mullet changed Baby Mullet to Samurai
Sharpshooter: NOOOOOO BABY MULLET
Samurai: HEY
Samurai: be glad im keeping our matching names Lance
Sharpshooter: :( okay
Podge: wow I can’t believe keith murdered baby mullet
MattyPatty: rip
Hunky: We should have a funeral!
Mrs.Dad: how does Sunday in our backyard sound?
Mrs.Dad: We can invite Krolia!
Samurai: Where was this respect when Kogayne died
MattyPatty: Kogayne can’t die bc it’s your last name
Samurai: No my last name is Kogane
MattyPatty: wait so you added the y in??
Podge: Matt what the hell youre supposed ot be smarter than this
MattyPatty: well YOURE supposed to be smart enough to spell to correctly
Princess: Both of you should be smart enough to put apostrophes in the word you’re
Podge: the holt siblings are taking the rest of the day off the group chat
MattyPatty: we need to do some internal reflection
Mrs.Dad: I can’t believe Allura was the genius of the group all along.
Princess: I have a PhD
Mrs.Dad: Wait really??
Princess: Yes. In business.
Mrs.Dad: Okay that makes sense actually
Hunky: Allura you’re so cool
Princess: I know
Mustache: I think that’s why she doesn’t text here as much!
Mustache: You guys aren’t as cool as us
Sharpshooter: Coran you wound me
Mustache: I’m sorry you feel that way
Sharpshooter: Ouchie :(
Samurai: I think you’re cool Lance :)
Sharpshooter: Yeah but Coran doesn’t :((((
Samurai: well screw coran then
Mustache: No thank you!
Samurai: Yeah okay sorry lance i cant help
Sharpshooter: I miss Krolia
Sharpshooter: She could take Coran
Mustache: mmmm I don’t think so
Mustache: If you think she’s mysterious you obviously haven’t met me :)
Hunky: why was that smiley face so menacing???
Mustache: Because it was meant to be ::)
Hunky : STOP ADDING EYES
Mustache: Goodbye everyone! See you tomorrow :::)
Mrs.Dad: Coran is my sleep paralysis demon
Mr.Dad: Is that why you’re scared of mustaches?
Mrs.Dad: Im not-
Mrs.Dad: THAT WAS YEARS AGO TAKASHI AND I WASNT SCARED OF THE MUSTACHE I WAS SCARED OF YOUR DAD
Mr.Dad: Yeah sure because my dad is much scarier than my mom who you were all chummy with in less than a minute
Mrs.Dad: HE IS AND YOU KNOW IT
Mrs.Dad : SOUTHERN HOSPITALITY SCARES ME
Mrs.Dad : HE WAS TOO NICE
Sharpshooter: ...I feel like I’m watching something I’m not meant to be
Samurai: yeahhh I live with them and it feels that way all the time
Samurai: especially when they “play monopoly”
Samurai: I thought they were gonna respond but they took their argument to the bedroom so
Hunky : NOT MONOPOLY D:
Samurai: No just bickering while they cuddle or some shit
Sharpshooter: aw thats kinda cute
Samurai: If it turns into monopoly im kicking them out into the streets
Samurai: Kosmo will help me so they dont stand a chance
Hunky: Since its just us and its only a matter of time before you two start being all “Klance” again
Sharpshooter: HUNKETH
Hunky: I’m going to just leave and bake some cookies!
Hunky: I’ll bring some over tomorrow Lance don’t worry
Hunky: And Keith you can have some too :)
Sharpshooter: oooo thank you Hunk
Sharpshooter: you are forgiven :)
Hunky: bye guys!
Samurai: Bye Hunk
Samurai to Sharpshooter
Samurai: We need to name our children.
Sharpshooter: since I named Kosmo you can name these little ones
Samurai: send another pic?
Sharpshooter: (a picture of the two kittens napping)
Samurai: how about…
Samurai: red and blue??
Sharpshooter: you are not naming our kids after COLORS keith
Samurai: THEYRE GOOD NAMES LANCE
Sharpshooter: I can think of better names than that
Samurai: okay then do it
Sharpshooter: uhhh
Sharpshooter: kinda putting me on the spot here keithy
Samurai: mhm
Sharpshooter: okayokayokay
Sharpshooter: razzle and dazzle??
Samurai: no
Sharpshooter: ITS BETTER THAN COLORS KEITH
Samurai : NO THEY ARENT
Samurai: At least I chose names that included BOTH of us
Sharpshooter: how
Samurai: Red is my favorite color and blue is yours
Samurai: so the tabby one would be red and the grey one would be blue
Sharpshooter: ...okay that’s really sweet
Sharpshooter: how about we compromise?
Samurai: I’m not calling our children red-zle and blue-zle or some shit like that
Sharpshooter: what?? No those are awful names
Samurai: oh good
Samurai: What did you have in mind then?
Sharpshooter: I was thinking like Red Dazzle Kogane-McClain and Blue Razzle Kogane-McClain
Samurai: Okay that’s not as awful as before
Sharpshooter: AND THEN
Sharpshooter: every time we bring them into a room we can say “it’s razzle dazzle time!”
Samurai: That’s more of a you thing to say but ill bring the kittens in for the dramatic effect
Sharpshooter: seeeeee
Sharpshooter: if i can convince you to name our children that then no wonder Krolia loved me
Samurai: speaking of Krolia
Samurai: I still can’t believe you taught Krolia how to use her phone in less than an hour when I could barely get her to figure out Facetime.
Sharpshooter: idk ig im just special :)
Samurai: You are
Sharpshooter: asjdkfsjlf KEITHY
Samurai: I think that someone would have to be very special to be allowed to be in a tiktok with krolia
Sharpshooter: oh you saw that haha
Samurai: Yeah
Samurai: It’s kinda cute i guess
Samurai: Just promise that you won’t do WAP with her and we’re good
Sharpshooter: oh nonono Krolia is too pure for WAP
Samurai: I feel like she’s killed people before so idk if you can call her pure lance
Samurai: also
Samurai: You won’t start liking her more than me right?
Sharpshooter: i could never
Sharpshooter: You’re my favorite person Keith :)
Samurai: ...did you just
Samurai: steal a line from Be More Chill??
Sharpshooter: YOU WERENT SUPPOSED TO UDNERSTAND THAT REFERENCE
Samurai: Wait
Samurai: how many romantic theatre lines have you stolen to say to me?
Sharpshooter: well I won’t do that anymore so you don’t need to know
Sharpshooter: I never expected your theatre knowledge to actually grow soooo
Samurai: LANCE
Samurai: at least everything IVE told you is original ;(
Sharpshooter: I’ll be original from now on I promise :(
Samurai: I’m going to google everything you tell me from now on
Sharpshooter: what if it’s something you don’t want on your search history ;)))
Samurai: LANCE MCCLAIN
Samurai: That isn’t going to work on me.
Sharpshooter: hey at least it got a reaction
Samurai : SHISITO SAW IT DANG IT
Sharpshooter: hahahhah shisito
Samurai: He just went to get Adam so they can give me another sex talk…
Samurai: Thanks Lance
Sharpshooter: oof sorry
Sharpshooter: Have fun?
Samurai: No.
Sharpshooter: I love you Keithy I’m sorry :(
Samurai: I love you too
Samurai: Lancey <3
Sharpshooter: ASKDFSLDKFJ <3<3<3
The Blades
Momma Mullet: The meeting went well.
Momma Mullet: Lance is my new “bestie”.
Regris: wtf
Momma Mullet: Also follow me on TikTok.
Momma Mullet: Lance told me I’d get visitation rights to his and Keith’s new children if I surpassed Takashi’s Bakudeku account in followers.
Regris: WTF