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TommyInnit's unbeatable method of avoiding sudden death

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There is fire and there is chaos. Screams of the forgotten echo in the forsaken land. Ash smothers the air, blackening lungs. The voices beg for mercy, beg for help, beg for salvation. 


A little boy can’t breathe. A little boy stares up at the sky, a poisonous orange hue and prays.


Tommy stares up wide eyed at the clouds as they part to reveal an angel


The angel is leaving the heavens. Leaving the serenity that is beyond them to save him.


Tommy reaches out a shaky arm, trembling with exhaustion. His vision blurs. 


He feels himself pulled into warm arms and blearily looks up at his saviour. 


Blonde hair and kind blue eyes stare down at him.


Tommy breathes. He’s safe.


“Fuck, shit, fuck, shit, fuck, shit. ” 


Tommy is in deep shit. He doesn’t know how he’s going to get out of this one.


“Tommy? Tommy?” Tubbo’s voice crackles through his earpiece, frantic with worry.


“Tubbo shut the fuck up right now, I’m thinking ,” The teenager hisses, crouching down lower when he hears the voices near.


“Tommy don’t tell me to shut up, you dick, I told you not to go down that alley,” Tubbo berates and Tommy needs him to fuck off or he’s not going to make it out of this alive.


He raises a hand to his ear and hastily yanks the electronic out, crushing it in his hands for good measure. Sorry Tubbo.


“Alright, come on Tommy, think, think ,” He mutters to himself, tone increasing in panic. He can’t die here. He’s too young. He hasn’t even passed his driver’s license.


He surveys the alleyway he has trapped himself in. Dirty, dingy, it’s fucking ugly and it smells. He glances upwards, there’s railings. But they’re so high .


Tommy glances down at his feet. A new prototype. Tubbo said the boost function wasn’t ready yet. 


“Where is that brat?!”


He has no time. If the trainers don’t kill him, they will.


Tommy stands up abruptly, no doubt catching the attention of the thugs. This is fine. He can do this.


He takes a step back to brace, knees bending slightly.


There you are, thought you could run did you?”


Tommy grins, he turns to the ugly men - honestly, they could at least try to keep up appearances, maybe shave once in a while. Tommy isn’t one to judge on looks alone but damn .


“No,” He replies, his heel digs into the pavement. “But I can jump.” 


He leaps off of the ground, soaring high. Tommy lets out a noise of surprised elation, laughing in disbelief as is momentarily suspended in the air. 


This is so pog.


Then he remembers that he is in fact not flying and is falling fast. He yelps and barely catches onto the railings, scraping half his body on the way down. He winces.


He can hear the ugly men trying to clamber after him and quickens his pace, climbing up the bars with practised agility. 


The teenager is already steps ahead of them as he makes his way onto the top of a small bakery. They sell good muffins and the owner always gives Tommy one on the house so he makes sure to tip toe over the roof.


As he jumps onto another building, Tommy smirks as he realises he has lost them. 


Hah. No one catches TommyInnit lacking. Not in this economy.


Tommy sighs, exhaustion catching up to him as the adrenaline wears out. He crouches down and sits over the edge of a florist shop. His legs dangle over the edge and he lifts his mask to scratch his chin. 


Tonight’s patrol was kind of intense. His back aches after one guy threw a banana at him. Honestly what the fuck. Why was that banana so big? Where did he even get that banana?


Tommy feels a buzz on his ass and realises he’s been sitting on his phone. He pulls it out.


15 missed calls and 34 texts.


Tubbo is going to defenestrate him. He’s going to have to replace another window.


Tommy sighs and puts his phone on Do Not Disturb. It’s a problem for future Tommy. Who is not present Tommy.


Tommy is brought out of his thoughts by the sound of shouting. He almost thinks it’s the thugs, back again for more. 


But no. He could recognize those voices anywhere.


It’s - It’s three of the top ten heroes! Tommy’s fanboy heart soars. His favourite heroes! In his area, in his patrol area. 


This- this is a miracle . A blessing . A gift from the Gods .


“Hey, you! What are you doing on that building?”


This is a problem.


Tommy stumbles to his feet, almost falling off the edge of the shop.


What should he say? Oh god, oh god.


He deepens his voice, “Oh you know, just, uh, patrolling the area.”


His idol, his hero the Winged Hero Philza walks out of the darkness of the night. 


“Can you show me your Hero License? Sorry there’s just been a lot of illegal activities going around lately, don’t mean to be a bother mate,” The hero explains.


Tommy could faint, right here, right now. Philza is speaking to him.


Then the words sink in.


Okay, Tommy may need to backtrack just a little bit. You see, well there’s no easy way to say this but - 


Tommy is not a hero.


Shocker, he knows right? Yes, yes, he knows he had you all fooled, it’s okay. It’s an easy assumption to make because he’s so courageous and athletic and handsome and charismatic.  


But it’s true, Tommy is not a hero.


Tommy is a vigilante.


And he is currently being hunted down by his biggest heroes.


“Hey! Stop running, we won’t hurt you!” The siren hero Willow shouts out to him. Yes, that’s very convincing, Tommy rolls his eyes and then fanboys a bit because oh my god Willow just shouted at him.


“Actually we may hurt you a bit,” The sword hero Blade confesses as he strides after the teenager, menacing sword in hand. The Blade . Oh this is the best thing that’s ever happened to Tommy, like ever.


Yeah, Tommy may just die tonight. 


But, hey, he met his idols. He will probably die happy.


Tommy leaps from building to building, breath quickening. “Um I actually do have a license,” He keeps his voice dropped an octave. “It’s at my house, so I’m just going to go get it.”


“For some reason we don’t believe you,” Philza calls out. “Wil, can you get him for us please?”


Tommy speeds up because oh shit


He hears the hero quickly catching up on him. 


“You are being quite difficult right now,” Willow huffs and Tommy looks behind momentarily to see his eyes turning red. Holy fuck that is the coolest shit. 


Come here.” The whisper carries through the empty streets, sinister and sweet.


Oh god. This is it. This is how he goes down. Pretty epic but still, he wanted to at least tell Tubbo that he ate the last packet of skittles and that no it was in fact not Henry the very cute tabby cat that sneaks into their balcony.


He supposes that secret will follow him to the grave.


Tommy’s still running though. Which is odd. Because well, Willow just spoke in the voice. 


But well, Tommy doesn’t feel like he’s under intense mind control. Then again, he’s never been put under intense mind control so he’s not too sure. 


Tommy looks behind him and almost trips when he sees all three heroes standing frozen on a roof. 


“Did you guys give up? Cause’ that’s like totally fine,” Tommy says, clearing his throat as the silence goes on for too long. He glances at Willow, who stands stock still. Is he frozen? Tommy frowns.


“I uh,” Tommy starts, not knowing how to break this to the hero lightly. He hates to be the bearer of bad news. “I think your powers are broken? It’s not a bad thing of course, but like, I swear you tried to mind control me and it like, totally failed. Which is fine, honestly, don’t feel insecure. Everyone’s power stop working sometimes… I think.” 


Sheesh, this is very awkward. Why is no one else talking? Why is Philza looking at him like he grew three heads? Why is the Blade staring at him so intensely? Why is Willow still frozen?


“Did I, did I hit a nerve? Yikes,” Tommy hisses, “Well um,” He steps back, bracing his legs and bending his knees, “This was like super fun, but I’m - I’mma head out.”


And with that he shoots off into the air and wow this does not get old. He’s never taking these shoes off. 


This time Tommy actually aims where he’s jumping and lands in a pond far enough away from the heroes. 


He sputters water out of his mouth as water pools around his waist. A golden fish swims around his leg, nudging his shin. He picks it up.


“You’re gonna help me with Tubbo,” He whispers fervently to the fish as it gapes at him.



“Tommy fucking Innit! How dare you destroy the earpiece that I made, that was the fourth one! And then you ignore all my calls and don’t even text me back?! Unbelievable. Unbelievable. You are sleeping on the couch for a week. You better hope I don’t throw away those bloody shoes, I told you they weren’t ready and you stole them. Honestly, why do I even try with you?! You’ll be lucky if I ever make dinner again, or do the laundry or do anything. In fact! I quit, I’m going on strike! From now on, you can do everything and be the responsible one and see if you can keep your sanity!”


Tommy holds out the fish. “I bought you Clementine.” He offers as a sacrifice. The fish gapes.


Tubbo stares at him. He takes the fish carefully. Tommy watches in silence as he walks into the kitchen and places the fish in a cup of water.


Tubbo then walks over to the kitchen window and beckons him over.


Tommy sighs. Clementine wasn’t good enough it seems. 


Tommy thinks it worth it as Tubbo picks him up and chucks him out of the window, closing the doors shut. He looks at Tubbo’s seething expression from his placement in the dumpster and grins.


Such is the life of TommyInnit the courageous and athletic and handsome and charismatic vigilante.


Wilbur watches, stunned as the tall masked vigilante launches off into the air and out of sight. 


“Did he just - did he just break out of your mind control?” Phil questions in disbelief, hovering just above the ground as he too looks towards where the vigilante once was.


Wilbur frowns.


Techno snorts, “He just violated your ability, like he wasn’t even trying to be mean and he just, just completely destroyed you.”


Wilbur grits his teeth, “My powers aren’t broken .”


Techno smirks, “You sure about that? Because from what I just saw, you totally just failed to mind control him. Was I the only one who saw that? Phil I know you saw it-“


Go walk off the edge of the building.”


Phil sighs, “Wil, I told you to stop doing that.”


Wilbur shrugs, “He was being a dick,” He explains as he watches his twin dive over the edge of the building. 


“That’s not a reason Wil, now he’s going to be all pissy for the rest of the patrol,” Phil grumbles.


Wilbur shrugs again, “Not my problem.” 


Wilbur needs to find that man. How dare he resist his control, how dare he - he make a fool of him.


“Phil, we need to find that guy.”