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Be the Tealblood

Your name is SOLLUX CAPTOR and you are AWESOME. This is not your opinion, it is A FACT you are stating for the record. You are ABSOLUTELY AWESOME in EVERY WAY POSSIBLE.

Some of the things that make you AWESOME are the fact that you live in a TREEHIVE in the middle of A FOREST and it is ONE OF A KIND, the fact that you have TWO SETS OF HORNS, which is JUST COOL, and also the fact that you are a BADASS.

You dream of one day being a LEGENDARY LEGISLACERATOR and you will hunt down EVILDOERS no matter where they go. Technically you should be loyal to THE LAW and THE LAW ONLY, but since THE EMPEROR makes THE LAW, you are loyal to THE EMPEROR too.

He will send you into IMPENETRABLE FORTRESSES and you will DRAG YOUR TARGET OUT alive, if necessary, and dead, if not, without even A SCRATCH ON YOU, because that is just HOW GOOD YOU ARE. Yeah, you’re kind of FULL OF YOURSELF, but YOU TOTALLY DESERVE TO BE.

Aside from all of that, you like to roleplay as an AWESOME DRAGON with some of your friends.

Your trolltag is targetAcquired and you like to 5how off the thing5 that make you 5o incredibly awe5ome,..,

Did you mention that you have A LISP yet? No? Good, let’s keep it that way.

Life’s been pretty boring recently, since the rebellion hasn’t been doing much, although you’ve been told you’re going to be allowed to make your move soon. You’re looking forward to it. Until then you’re going to be doing what you’ve been doing since you really started living: train, train, train. You have to let people know you’re taking this job seriously, after all.

You also talk to your maybe-slightly-crazy friends a lot. Especially a cerulean-blooded girl you have a kind of complicated relationship with. She’s really weird, which is kind of interesting, you guess?

She must’ve noticed you came online, since she’s contacting you right now.

Sollux: Answer AC

Best not to let a crazy catgirl waiting, you suppose.

-- arachnophileChipper [AC] began trolling targetAcquired [TA] --

AC: ::::3 *the cute little kitten carefully approaches her draconic friend*
TA: *the dragon roar5 to 5how off and a5k5 the kitten how 5he’’s doing*
AC: ::::3 *the kitten chuckles at the dragons dominating display and answers that she is doing feline*
AC: ::::3 *she also asks how her friend is doing*

TA: *the awe5ome dragon reveal5 that he i5n’’t doing very well*
AC: ::::o *the kitten blinks her eight eyes in surprise*
AC: ::::( *”What’s wrong?” she asks*

TA: yeah,, i wa5 going to come up with 5omething wrong for my awe5ome dragon,,
TA: but then i reali5ed there’’5 no way i’’m going to top the dark wizard of la5t night,..,

AC: ::::3 yes the dark wizard was amazing!
AC: ::::3 i especially liked the screams of agony as my little kitten clawed his eyes out!

TA: “Oh Gods, why can’t my eyes stand all this horrible cute!?”
AC: xxxx3 that was so funny!
TA: 5o yeah,, you’’ll have to give me 5ome time to come up with a new roleplaying 5cenario,..,
AC: ::::3 we can play one of my games?
TA: nepeta,, no offence,, but your 5cenario5 tend to creep me the fuck out,..,
TA: i don’’t mean that they’’re bad or anything,,
TA: but they’’re ju5t really morbid and freaky,..,
TA: i need to be in the right mood for tho5e thing5, you under5tand?

AC: ::::3 awwwwwwww its so cute when you dont want to hurt my feelings!
AC: ::::3 dont worry about it sollux!
AC: ::::3 im sure terezi will want to play with me later
AC: ::::3 shes always up for the freaky stuff!

TA: okay,, 5eriou5ly?
TA: there are thing5 i really don’’t need to know,..,
TA: and i’’m pretty 5ure that wa5 one of them,..,

AC: ;;;;3 did the cute little kitten just fluster the awesome dragon?
AC: ::::3 i didnt want to embarrass you!

TA: look nepeta,, what you do with the only girl that’’5 crazier than you i5 your bu5ine55,,
TA: but i 5eriou5ly DO NOT need to know about any of your per5onal e5capade5,..,

AC: ::::( but solluuuuuuuux!
AC: ::::( i thought you liked my crazy

TA: i like your crazy from a relatively 5ane viewpoint,, not from down in the depth5 of 5hithive maggot5 girl5 and whatever completely in5ane hobbie5 you came up with,..,
TA: there’’5 a 5ignificant difference,..,
TA: in fact that’’5 pretty much the mo5t 5ignificant difference ever,..,

AC: ::::3 okay ill stop
AC: ::::3 you can continue to watch the crazy girls from over at sane hill
AC: ::::3 you can be so melodramatic sometimes!

TA: yeah,, 5ure,, i’’m the melodramatic one,..,
AC: ::::3 so what have you been up to this evening?
AC: ::::3 i know how you like to get up early!

TA: i wa5 out5ide training,..,
TA: 5ince before du5k, actually,..,

AC: ::::o but the sun!
AC: ::::o its supposed to burn right?
AC: ::::o thats what is supposed to happen!

TA: it did burn a bit,, i gue55,..,
TA: the tree5 give me a pretty good cover,, though,, 5o it didn’’t hurt too much,..,

AC: ::::3 you should be careful with that!
AC: ::::3 after all we wouldnt want your cute teal little corpse eaten by the roaming alternian fauna!
AC: ::::3 that would be such a shame!

TA: i ju5t couldn’’t 5leep,..,
TA: again,..,

AC: ::::o did you have another daymare?
TA: ye5.
TA: i wa5 on a purple planet 5urrounded by darkne55,..,
TA: and there were all the5e black figure5 running around,,
TA: running away from me,, i gue55,,
TA: i’’m pretty 5ure they were trying to hide,, but they weren’’t very good at it,..,

AC: ::::3 as if anything could hide from the awesome dragon!
TA: i know,, right?
TA: anyway,, there wa5 a fla5h of purple before my eye5 and then i couldn’’t 5ee anything anymore,..,
TA: but there were voice5,, echoing through my head,, a5 if telling me exactly what was where and it wa5 almo5t a5 if they were helping me navigate,..,
TA: except there wa5 5omething 5eriously wrong with the5e voice5,,
TA: like i couldn’’t actually hear or under5tand them,,
TA: almo5t a5 if they were coming from in5ide of me or 5omething,..,
TA: i’’m not 5ure how to de5cribe it,..,

AC: ::::3 that sounds like an awesome dream!
AC: ::::3 i would love to have a dream like that!
AC: ::::3 but my dreams are awesome too!

TA: i’’m not even 5ure why i have them,..,
TA: i mean,, i’’m only teal,, right?
TA: my daymare5 5houldn’’t be that bad and they definitely 5houldn’’t be able to get through the 5opor,..,

AC: ::::3 i dont know
AC: ::::3 i havent slept in sopor slime for ages!
AC: ::::3 you should try it sometimes!
AC: ::::3 the dreams are a lot more fun and colorful that way!

TA: yeah,, 5ee,, that 5ound5 like the 5ort of brilliant plan that i5 not going to get me killed one night,..,
AC: ::::3 i know!
AC: ::::3 so are you going to try it?

TA: i promi5e i’’ll try it tomorrow,..,
AC: ::::3 your promises are worthless and you know it!
AC: ::::3 you are really dishonest for a legislacerator!

TA: promi5e5 are only word5,, nepeta,..,
TA: they really only mean what we want them to mean,..,

AC: xxxx( bluh!
AC: xxxx( how can anyone ever trust you with that attitude?

TA: becau5e i follow order5 and am generally awe5ome,..,
TA: i’’m tru5tworthy becau5e of my action5,, not becau5e of my word5,..,

AC: ::::3 well then i order you to sleep without sopor slime tomorrow!
TA: really?
TA: do you want to pull the hemo5pectrum on me?
TA: becau5e if you want i’’ll run thi5 order by equiu5 and 5ee what he ha5 to 5ay about it,..,

AC: xxxx( youre no fun at all sometimes!
AC: xxxx( going over my cute little head like that!
AC: ::::3 i would never pull the hemospectrum on you sollux
AC: ::::3 youre my friend and friends dont do that
AC: ::::3 and you would throw a fit exactly like you did just now so its not even worth it!
AC: ::::3 and its not like i can even force you to obey me anyway so the point is completely irrelevant!

TA: i’’m glad you came to that conclu5ion,..,
AC: ::::3 me too!
AC: ::::3 i will be going now

TA: okay 5ee ya,..,

-- arachnophileChipper [AC] ceased trolling targetAcquired [TA] --

You swear there’s something seriously messed up in her thinkpan, but you’re definitely not the right kind of person to do something about it. You would have no idea where to start untangling the knot of issues this girl has anyway.

Yeah, she freaks you out. You’re not afraid to admit that, but she’s kind of cool in her own way. You do have to tread carefully with her, but you’re pretty good at treading carefully, anyway.

It is pretty obvious to you, now, that Nepeta might not have been the right person to talk to about your daymare, all things considered. You do have another friend that might be able to give you adequate advice, though, although that conversation is going to be a bit of a hassle. You would call her your therapist, if trolls had therapists.

Sollux: Contact Therapist

So we’re just going with ‘therapist’, then? Fine.

-- targetAcquired [TA] began trolling governingAristocrat [GA] --

TA: kanaya,, i need your help ,..,
GA: And A Very Pleasant Night To Yov As Well, Sollvx.
GA: What Can I Do For Yov?

TA: i had another daymare today,..,
GA: Yov Have Experienced Another Perilovs Jovrney Throvgh The Depths Of Yovr Svbconsciovs?
GA: What Was The Most Vnsettling Event Yov Encovntered?

TA: it’’5 hone5tly pretty fucking 5urprising how quickly you manage to make me regret thi5,..,
GA: What Is Even More Svrprising To Me Is The Fact That, Despite Ovr Repeated Past Interactions, My Behaviovr Continves To Catch Yov Off Gvard.
GA: Somehow Yovr Mental Image Of Me Still Conflicts With My Actval Being.

TA: there’’5 pretty much no way to 5top you from getting off on thi5,, i5 there?
GA: Any Personal Enjoyment I May Derive From This Conversation Is Entirely Irrelevant Compared To The Professionalism I Will Provide, I Assvre Yov.
GA: I Will Control Myself, However That Does Mean Yov Will Owe Me Another Favovr.

TA: i’’m not modeling for you again,, if that’5 what you’re a5king,..,
GA: I Am Certain We Can Think Of Another Way For Yov To Repay Me.
GA: Bvt That Can Wait Vntil We Are Finished.

TA: i’’m not falling for that one again,..,
TA: you don’’t get to name a favor after i already owe it to you,..,

GA: Yov Do Not Trvst Me?
TA: kanaya,, you know damn well that your favor5 tend to take a wrong turn at awkward lane and end up on embara55ing 5treet in5tead,..,
GA: Even Yov Mvst Admit Yov Looked Positively Adorable In That Dress.
TA: i looked po5itively awe5ome in that dre55,..,
TA: and that’’5 only becau5e i look po5itively awe5ome in ab5olutely anything,..,
TA: and al5o becau5e your dre55 wa5 pretty good,, i gue55,..,
TA: i don’’t know 5hit about fa5hion,..,

GA: I Assvre Yov The Dress Did Play A Part In The Resvlt.
GA: Now Then, Shall We Continve?

TA: you 5till haven’’t mentioned the favor i owe you,..,
GA: Very Well Then, I Shall Give Yov My Advice For Free, For Jvst This Once.
GA: This Will Not Be A Regvlar Occvrance, Mind Yov.

TA: i wa5 getting worried there, for a moment,..,
GA: Now Then, Enlighten Me.
TA: i wa5 on a planet 5urrounded by darkne55,..,
TA: it wa5n’’t ju5t night,, becau5e it wa5 the kind of place where it never would be day,..,
TA: there were all the5e 5hadowy 5hape5,, hiding from me,, but they weren’’t very good at it,..,
TA: it wa5 almo5t a5 if they were afraid of 5omething,..,
TA: me,, maybe,..,
TA: or maybe they’’re ju5t wimp5 and afraid of everything,, what do i know?
TA: i know what you’’re thinking,, 5o far 5o good,, right?
TA: i mean,, the atmo5phere wa5 pretty fucking ten5e,, really,, a5 if the world knew what wa5 going to happen next,..,
TA: 5o then i 5aw 5omething purple fla5h before my eye5 and then,, well,, nothing,..,
TA: i couldn’’t 5ee 5hit anymore,..,
TA: but there were all the5e voice5,, coming from nowhere or everywhere or in5ide of me,..,
TA: fuck i have no idea,..,
TA: it wa5 like they were telling me where to go,..,
TA: not commanding me or telling me what to do or anything 5tupid like that,..,
TA: ju5t guiding me,, i gue55,..,
TA: 5o i took a few 5tep5 and with every 5tep i took there wa5 thi5 heavy 5en5ation,..,
TA: not falling,, but more like 5omething huge pre55ing down on me,, cru5hing me,..,
TA: while the voice5 started wondering why i wa5 acting 5o 5trange,..,
TA: and 5lowly getting mad at me and eventually,, when i couldn’’t move anymore they 5tarted 5creaming at me,..,
TA: fuck i’’m 5till freaking out about it,..,

GA: That Is An Entirely Normal Reaction, Sollvx.
GA: Was Yovr Lvsvs Present Dvring This, Or Was She Only Noteworthy By Her Absence?

TA: i didn’’t 5ee her,..,
TA: i don’’t know what’’5 gotten into her lately,..,
TA: 5he alway5 u5ed to be there,..,

GA: Perhaps She Considers These Dreams To Be Important To Yov.
GA: Or Perhaps These Particvlar Dreams Come From A Sovrce She Cannot Control?
GA: Whichever It Is, It Appears To Be Vital That Yov Vnderstand Them.
GA: The Pressvre Might Indicate Responsibility And The Fact That Yov Are Overexerting Yovrself.
GA: Did Yov Ever Consider Not Trying To Pvsh Ahead?

TA: of cour5e not,..,
TA: i kept going until i couldn’’t anymore,..,

GA: That Seems To Be Rather Characteristic Of Yov, Yes.
GA: Perhaps This Merely Indicates That Yovr Svbconsciovs Is Telling Yov To Not Press Yovr Limits As Much As Yov Have Been Doing So Far?

TA: that’’5 a lot of perhap5’’ and might’’5,, i can’’t help but notice,..,
GA: This Is Hardly An Exact Science.
GA: I Covld Be Entirely Mistaken With Anything I Have Told Yov.
GA: If That Is The Case I Can Only Hope I Helped Ease Yovr Mind To Some Degree.

TA: yeah,, i gue55 you did,..,
TA: thank5,..,

GA: It Was My Pleasvre, Certainly.
TA: wow,, it’’5 ab5olutely amazing how that perfectly innocent expre55ion turn5 into too much information when you 5ay it,..,
GA: I Have Been Told That I Have A Way With Words, Yes.
GA: Now, If Yov Ever Need Me Again, Do Not Hesitate To Inform Me Of Yovr Trovbles.

TA: that wa5 crappy advice,..,
GA: It Was, Also, Crappy Payment.
GA: Goodbye Sollvx.

-- governingAristocrat [GA] ceased trolling targetAcquired [TA] --

That was at least somewhat helpful, you guess? Whatever.

Sollux: Describe Hive

As previously mentioned, you live in a treehive which, as far as you know, is one of a kind. It really is kind of hard to tell it’s there, though, since you went to great pains to camouflage the thing. You wish you’d thought of that when you were a grub, so you could’ve had the Building Drones do it for you, but, as it was, you had to do it yourself. The result was totally worth it.

Your hive is one of the most defensible hives you have ever encountered, and you would know, too. For one, there’s no way in from the ground. There is no ladder or anything of the sort. You have to get in via the trees around it. This poses no challenge to you whatsoever, after about a sweep of practice. There are, of course, traps all over the place. You’re not that good at setting traps, but you think they do the trick.

As for the interior, well, you have to admit you haven’t spend much time on it. Most blocks are pretty much redundant and everywhere else you keep all sorts of books. Books about Alternian law, of course, as well as several training manuals and all kinds of dragon literature. You keep those books, not only because you want to roleplay your character as accurately as possible, but also because you want to understand your lusus and be able to take care of her when she finally hatches.

You’re really looking forward to that. Not a single one of your friends has a lusus nearly as awesome as a dragon.

Sollux: Train

You’ll get right on that, actually. This was pretty much just taking a break, anyway. You have alternian wildlife to sneak up on, after all. It’s pretty rigorous, because if anything catches you, you’re suddenly in a whole lot of trouble. It’s a fun way to spend a night, really.

Be ‘Him’

What? No. That doesn’t even make any sense.


Your name is NEPETA LEIJON and you ARE FEELING GIDDY. It should be noted, however, that this is your STANDARD STATE OF BEING.

You have been having a GOOD NIGHT because, if that were not the case, you would MAKE IT SO. Tonight is a good night, however, because you got to FEED YOUR LUSUS. You love feeding your lusus and watching her eat and it is SUCH A SHAME that you can’t do it every night because sometimes she is simply full. You could hunt for food anyway, but it would just spoil and that would be wasteful.

You think you vaguely remember a time where you DIDN’T LOVE your lusus, and may have even FEARED HER, but that seems awfully silly and unlike you, really.

You are A TRUE HUNTRESS and you make sure you UNDERSTAND YOUR PREY very well. You are helped in this by your VISION EIGHTFOLD and the really cool MIND CONTROL ABILITIES that come with it.

When you are not out hunting you like to SHIP EVERYONE YOU KNOW, and even a lot of people you don’t know. These ships always come true, you MAKE SURE OF IT.

You also enjoy ROLEPLAYING, including THE DANGEROUS KIND. Your character is a SPIDER-KITTEN because you LOVE SPIDERS AND KITTENS. To show your COMMITMENT to this character, you asked your NEIGHBOR to build you ROBOT SPIDER ARMS, which she did.

Your trolltag is arachnophileChipper and ::::3 you begin every line with the face of your cute kitten!

Nepeta: Roleplay

You know exactly who you’ll play with tonight! She’s always fun and unpredictable.

-- arachnophileChipper [AC] began trolling gloweringColorist [GC] --

AC: ::::3 *the cute little kitten spots her friend and carefully claws her way over to her, looking adorable*
AC: ::::3 *she greets her friend with a beaming smile, showing her teeth*
AC: ::::3 *”Hello!” she says*
AC: ::::3 terezi?
AC: ::::3 helloooooooo?
AC: ::::3 are you there?

GC: Oh
GC: h#Llo N#p3T$!
GC: 1 4M SorRY
GC: 1 4M R34LLy bUSy r!Ght NOw >:[

AC: ::::( but terezi!
AC: ::::( i want to plaaaaaaaay!

GC: 1 $Lso W$nt TO pl$Y
GC: buT ! c4NNot PL4y R!ghT Now >:[

AC: ::::( awwwwwwww
AC: ::::3 what are you so busy with?

GC: ! $m nOT t3LL1nG
GC: !t 1S $ s3CR3t >;]

AC: ::::3 but thats no fun at all!
AC: ::::3 please tell me what youre doing!

GC: NO 1 w!Ll nOT
GC: 4nD You C$nnOT coNV1nC# m3
GC: TO t3LL yoU $nyW$y

AC: ::::3 please please please please please please please please
AC: ::::3 please please please please please please please please
AC: ::::3 please please please please please please please please
AC: ::::3 please please please please please please please please
AC: ::::3 please please please please please please please please
AC: ::::3 please please please please please please please please
AC: ::::3 please please please please please please please please
AC: ::::3 please please please please please please please please

GC: tH$t 1S W4y TOo m$Ny
GC: oF Th3 S$me WOrd
GC: !N 4 rOW

AC: ::::3 i know!
AC: ::::3 now tell me!

GC: yoU W1lL H4v# To dO
GC: $ loT B3tT#r tH$n 3!Ght SQu4R#d
GC: tO ConV!nc# M3
GC: tO T3lL You $Nyw$Y

AC: ::::3 what could possibly be such a big secret?
AC: ::::3 do you think i could figure it out on my own?

GC: >:?
GC: 1 dONt kNOw hOW
GC: yoU WouLD go $BouT
GC: Do1NG soM#th!Ng l!K3 tH$t
GC: bUT 1 c$N t3LL yoU

AC: ::::o yessssssss?
GC: Th4T You W!ll F!nd OUt r#G4rDL3sS
GC: Of m# T3lLIng YOu
GC: b#C4uS# 1t !S k1ND of
GC: $ B1g D#4l

AC: xxxx( that doesnt help at all!
AC: xxxx( now im only more curious!

GC: >:]
GC: tH$t w$S my !Nt3NT1oN

AC: ::::3 is there anyone else that does know?
AC: ::::3 maybe someone lower than me that is all too eager to talk to me?

GC: Th4T !s 4 V#ry GOod QU3sT!on
GC: ! Th1NK th# $nsW#r h$S to B#
GC: m4YB3 >;]

AC: xxxx( tereeeeeeeezi!
GC: 1 DOnt R#4lLY t4LK to M$ny
GC: OF thOS3 tH$t wOUld QU4l!Fy
GC: 4S Low#R th$N yoU

AC: ::::o thats not true!
AC: ::::3 you talk to karkitty all the time!

GC: On3 !S noT M4nY
GC: But M$yb# You W!ll H$v3 MOr3 LucK

AC: ::::( bluuuuuuuuh
AC: ::::( that basically summarizes my feelings on this matter

GC: ! loV# th# W4y YOu s$Y blUH
GC: 1t SM3lLS so FUnnY

AC: ::::3 bluuuuuuuh!
GC: >:]
GC: !m sORry N#p3T$
GC: buT ! h4V# to GO noW

AC: ::::3 okay
AC: ::::3 goodbye terezi!

GC: GooDBy3

-- gloweringColorist [GC] ceased trolling arachnophileChipper [AC] --

You suppose you shall have to continue this investigation on your own, then. She loves to play games and so do you, but this is certainly a new kind of game. That means it’s a challenge and you’re going to have a lot of fun while playing it, because you’ve never done something like this before.

You think you were on the right track when you asked her if any of the lowbloods knew, though, so maybe you’ll start there?

Nepeta: Investigate

Bluh, your options are so limited!

You couldn’t get to Eridan even if he was still around.

You’re not allowed to touch Gamzee because Equius explicitly forbids it and you are not going to do anything he forbids.

You could try Tavros but he is not very low on the hemospectrum at all and therefore not very easy to control. He is also not very smart.

Aradia would be your best bet, because she has been very mysterious lately, but she has only been very mysterious because something is stopping you from playing with her. Maybe you’ll talk to her anyway?

Feferi belongs to Vriska and she probably doesn’t know very much anyway. This doesn’t usually stop you from playing with her when Vriska isn’t paying attention (but shh, don’t tell her).

Then there’s Karkitty. He is so much fun to talk to! Maybe you should say ‘they are so much fun to talk to’, because there’s one that can stop you from playing with him and one that can’t. You suppose you could talk to him, too.

We shall leave you to your considerations and get back to you once you’ve made up your mind.