- Calling your office "the fun dungeon"
- Taking patients on bus trips. No, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest is not a validated scientific experiment
- Shouting "for science!" before doing something does not automatically mean it's for science
- Scattering Wernicke's cats about in the asylum
It does not matter if it's Las Poladas. The patients will believe you when you say the cats are piñatas and that there's candy inside
Jesus christ Rick, there were cat guts everywhere. No, it doesn't even matter if it was a memorial to your 12th birthday party!
- Eating friend chicken in front of Manera's cell going mmm, crunchy baby leg
- Interrupt buisness meetings screaming Walrider
- Going anywhere screaming Walrider
- The freezers in the cafeteria are for food, not body parts
- Replacing the Morphogenic Engine audio with Beethoven's 9th or any song by Nicki Minaj
- Replacing the Morphogenic Engine video with pornographic movies
- Variant group therapy will not happen
nor will Variant yoga sessions with Steve
nor Variant speed dating
- Referring to himself as daddy
- Referring to Jeremy Blaire as mommy
- Posting classified information on 4chan
- Selling "organic" backscratchers
- Showing The Room to Eddie Gluskin
- "Bone shears" is not the answer to everything
nor is "bigger bone shears"
"bone shear guns" do not exist and no Murkoff will not make them for you
- Personnel with lower ranked security levels are not to be called:
daddy's little children
- Coming in contact with Eddie Gluskin
- YOLO is not an excuse
- Sending out emails to families of patients that there's a special "buy two get one!" sale on lobotomies
- Continue doing the "let me lend you a hand" joke. Where did the arm even come from?
- Leaving the room saying he has to return some video tapes
- Asking Blaire if he's remembered to return some video tapes
- Cuddle therapy does not exist here, and even if it did why the fuck did you assign Andrew as group leader
- Convincing new staff that Chris Walker thinks he's in a musical and the only way to communicate things to him is to sing them
Replacing Father Martin's fingerpaint with blood citing budget cutsok that's actually a good idea
- Arranging bowing night. Those were NOT bowling balls.
- Arranging movie night and squeezing ten doctors into the Morphogenic Engine room
- Arranging visits from local kindergartens
- Arranging wheelchair races using patients for betting purposes
- Arranging anything
- We're aware you enjoy Patch Adams, but we're not going to add the healing power of laughter to our list of theraphy techniques
- Coming in contact with anyone under the age of 18
- Claiming that "a stripper a day keeps the doctor away"
- Stealing from the drugs cabinet to get high
- Getting high to avoid paperwork
- Not everything scientific requires testing, especially not "but are we completely sure this patient has a heart, hmm?"
- Giving Billy Hope t shirts, especially not ones that say WHERE THE BITCHES AT
- Yes, creative pursuits are encouraged within the facility. No, this does not mean you can arrange competitions like "build the biggest meat dragon"
- Designing a Hannibal Lecter mask to Frank Manera and bribe him to start therapy sessions saying "Hello Clarice" and making that horrible slurping noise
- Distributing organs to the black market or "the highest bidder"
- Drunk dialling freelance journalists
- Making coworkers bet anything, especially not organs or firstborn children
- Using your highly protected work phone to order takeaway food, sext or "win Bangladeshi princesses"
- Using terms like
- Singing "I have a dream"
- Singing anything
- Calling your penis as "the dream"