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Pearls For a Funeral

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Wei Wuxian threw himself past the table, tackling Lan Wangji to the floor and covering him with his own body as the bullets whizzed past them. Someone had upturned the table, attempting to use it as cover in the resultant melee. The shout of “SFPD!!!” echoed through the ringing ballroom as men in uniforms spilled into the space in the middle of constant gunfire.

“How many bullets are you planning on taking for me?” Lan Wangji asked, staring up at him with one of his inscrutable gazes.

“As many as it takes,” replied Wei Wuxian.

As he pressed his hands over Lan Wangji’s elf-like ears, Wei Wuxian took stock of the situation. Many of Jin Guangyao’s goons were either on the floor, in a puddle of their own blood, or trying to make a retreat in the other direction from the broken door. He saw Xue Yang dash for the hidden exit just as Jin Guangyao rose and pulled Lan Xichen off the floor behind the overturned table. He placed his own revolver to his hostage’s head as Lan Wangji threw Wei Wuxian a desperate, pleading look.

“Stop shooting!” Wei Wuxian hollered.

“That’s right,” Jin Guangyao echoed him. “Stop shooting. We wouldn’t want anyone else to end up dead.” He moved in the direction of the back exit, through which Xue Yang had disappeared a moment ago, dragging Lan Xichen with him like a human shield.

“Step away from him, Jin Guangyao!” Jiang Cheng’s familiar voice bellowed, sending a jolt of warmth into Wei Wuxian's gut.

“Ah, I don’t think I will, Detective Jiang,” Jin Guangyao replied in his most cloying voice. “I think we can all agree that if I step away from him you’re going to shoot me.”

“Not if you surrender,” Jiang Cheng said, taking another step forward, his gun fixed on Lan Xichen.

Wei Wuxian heard Lan Wangji’s frantic whisper, “Get off me!”

“I don’t trust you not to do something stupid,” Wei Wuxian whispered back.

“Well your gun is poking me in the stomach.”

“I don’t have a … ah, nevermind.”

He pulled gently back, scrambling back up to his knees, and fixing Lan Wangji with a sheepish grin. The Ice Prince looked adorable when he blushed.

“I’ll be leaving now,” Jin Guangyao declared, taking a few more steps backwards and continuing to drag Lan Xichen along with him to the exit. “Don’t do anything stupid, Detective Jiang!” He took another step backwards, colliding with the barrel of a gun which was pointed straight into the nape of his neck.

You don’t do anything stupid, Jin Guangyao,” said Captain Nie with a menacing sneer.

Wei Wuxian jumped to his feet, using Jin Guangyao's moment of shock to pull Lan Xichen from his grasp. “Hand it over, Dimples, the jig is up,” he stated, taking the gun from Jin Guangyao’s unresisting hand. Nie Mingjue hit the man on the back of the skull with his own gun, bringing him to his knees.

Jiang Cheng was at Wei Wuxian’s side, already cuffing their culprit, while the rest of his squad rounded up whoever was left of Jin Guangyao’s unlucky crew.

“You came!” Wei Wuxian exhaled with sudden relief.

“Of course, I came, you idiot. Your partner called to tell me what you were up to and I thought, no way am I gonna miss Wei Wuxian getting his ass handed to him for the fourth time in one week.”

“I was hoping she would. I thought it might be much more well received than if the call for back-up came from me,” Wei Wuxian grinned at Jiang Cheng.

“Oh, you’re such a genius, you think of everything,” Jiang Cheng snarled, pulling Dimples up and carelessly pushing him into the arms of two more uniformed officers. “What’s the deal with this guy, anyways?”

“Well,” Wei Wuxian said as he watched the Twin Jades out of the corner of his eye where they stood in close conversation with each other. “He’s your murderer, that’s his deal. He just confessed to it, in front of the three of us and his criminal co-conspirators.” Jiang Cheng cast Jin Guangyao a suspicious look, clearly as confused and befuddled by the dimples as everyone else. “Daddy issues,” Wei Wuxian added, by way of explanation. “Also, apparently he was hoping to get in Lan Xichen’s pants while Lan Zhan rotted on death row. Or in his heart? His heart-pants? I don’t know, it was really fucking crazy. Just, all of it.”

“You’ll testify?” Jiang Cheng squinted.

“It would be my deepest pleasure. That little shit belongs in Alcatraz, to start with.” Jiang Cheng let out a little dubious hum. “The Lans will testify, too, I imagine. He did just abduct them both and tried to get Lan Wangji to sign a bogus suicide confession before offing him.”

“Shameless little fucker,” Jiang Cheng concluded. “Take him away!” he ordered the men holding Jin Guangyao.

“Wait!” Wei Wuxian called out. He took a few bouncing steps in Jin Guangyao’s direction, and snatched his fedora off his head. “You owe me a hat, jackass!” It wasn’t a trilby, but it was surprisingly the right fit, so it would do in a pinch. “All right, take him away,” he pronounced magnanimously.

He walked back towards the liberated Lans, just as Nie Mingjue, whose appearance at the scene was still somewhat of a mystery (although Wei Wuxian could venture a wild guess), pulled Lan Xichen to the side.

“Are you all right, Lan Zhan?” Wei Wuxian asked, his own voice sounding embarrassingly soft to his own ears.

“I haven’t been shot, if that’s what you mean,” Lan Wangji responded, stepping closer and lowering his voice. “Wei Ying, you ate my suicide note.”

A few feet away from them, Wei Wuxian heard Captain Nie say, “I never should have let him have you.”

“Mingjue, what do you mean?” Lan Xichen asked.

Looking a bit flustered but perhaps buoyed by the heat of battle and thrall of victory, the captain said, “Surely you must know the way I feel for you, the way I've always felt for you, since we were together in boarding school.”

“Yikes,” Wei Wuxian mouthed at Lan Wangji who cast him a stern warning look.

“But that was before the war,” they heard Lan Xichen reply, “and when you came back, you didn't say anything. I thought you may have lost interest. And then when Jin Guangshan started to come around with courting gifts, you still said nothing!”

“What could I say?” Nie Mingjue shook his head. “It wasn't my place to stand in your way of restoring Cloud Recesses. No matter how much it killed me to do it, I had to step aside.”

“So,” Wei Wuxian spoke aside to Lan Wangji, “when you told me you wanted your brother to marry for love, you did not mean Dimples, did you, Lan Zhan?”

“No, I did not.”

“Lan Zhan, ah Lan Zhan, you're a real handful!”

Lan Wangji smiled his barely-there, cryptic smile at him. “Nothing you couldn't handle.”

“Oh Mingjue,” Lan Xichen exclaimed ruefully. “I've been so willfully blind. I don't know what to believe anymore.”

“Believe that I love you and that I would never betray you,” Captain Nie declared, boldly putting his arms around Lan Xichen’s waist.

Wei Wuxian cleared his throat and pulled Lan Wangji to the side to give the other two men a semblance of privacy with a whisper of, “And that’s our cue.”

“Aren’t you going to tell him?” Lan Wangji asked, nodding in Jiang Cheng’s direction. Wei Wuxian’s former partner was having a makeshift bandage put over his arm while his men took care of the living suspects and covered up the dead. “About the other thing Jin Guangyao said? About me?”

“What other thing? Never heard of it. You know, I'm told I have a really terrible memory.”

Lan Wangji picked up Wei Wuxian’s hand and flipped it over, palm up. The scars from his scuffle with Su She still stood out in angry red lines against his skin, and Lan Wangji traced over them with his long, elegant fingers.

“So, are we free to leave?” Lan Wangji asked.

“Anytime you like. You’ve been through a lot tonight and you can always give your statement later.”

Lan Wangji flipped Wei Wuxian’s hand back and pressed it inside his own palm. “Wei Ying, would you like to go for a drive?”


Lan Wangji did not say where they were headed and Wei Wuxian had not asked. Judging by the direction they were driving down Market Street, they seemed to be going back towards Sutro Heights and Cloud Recesses. It was completely on the opposite side of the city from the boondocks at Dogpatch, and Wei Wuxian allowed the city lights and the soft hum of the Silver Dawn’s engine to lull him into a sort of a doze. All the adrenaline that had been circulating through his body, suddenly seemed to abandon him, and he slid coyly across the leather front seat and allowed his head to rest against Lan Wangji’s perfectly round and surprisingly comfortable shoulder. He might have imagined the whole thing in his sleep, but he could have sworn that Lan Wangji was humming a beautiful, peaceful tune as the car left the busy stretch of Market Street behind and headed up the serpentine path of Portola Avenue.

When Wei Wuxian woke up, it was to find himself drooling peacefully yet embarrassingly onto Lan Wangji’s expensive Dior coat. The Rolls appeared to be parked on top of a hill, hidden behind a row of sycamores, overlooking the ocean. The white outline of Cliff House beneath them resembled a fairytale castle about to float out into the turbulent sea. The lights of Cliff House and Sutro Baths had long turned off, and only the stars and the moon were there to hold vigil over the two of them.

“It’s beautiful,” Wei Wuxian spoke, looking out the front windshield. “It’s so dangerous. The waves, the rocks, the rip currents. But I cannot look away.”

“You are talking about the ocean?” Lan Wangji looked at him askance.

Wei Wuxian smiled, momentarily at a loss for words. “Sorry I drooled on your coat,” he finally whispered, looking up at Lan Wangji from under the canopy of his long eyelashes.

“Believe me, I’ve had worse.”

Wei Wuxian let out a soft chuckle. “You’re something else, Lan Zhan.”

Lan Wangji turned towards him, his eyes heavily hooded and fixed on Wei Wuxian’s lips. “Wei Ying…”

The air was heavy and their breath was beginning to fog up the windows around them.

“Yes?” Wei Wuxian exhaled.

“How did you know about the drugs in Xichen’s apartment?”

Wei Wuxian shook his head to clear it of various weak thoughts. “Uh… I didn’t. I was bluffing. I just needed to keep Dimples talking until the cops arrived.”

Lan Wangji let out a soft hum. “You were wrong about one thing, though.”

“What’s that, Lan Zhan?”

“I did not dispose of the evidence. It’s back at the manor. And now that I think about it, I certainly hope it’s got Jin Guangyao’s fingerprints all over it.”

Wei Wuxian paused. The car was suddenly too stuffy and Lan Wangji not close enough, and frankly, Wei Wuxian was far too sexually frustrated to be contemplating the consequences of evidence tampering at that precise moment. It would keep for another day.

“I need a cigarette,” Wei Wuxian declared, pushing open the car door and walking to the edge of the cliff.

They were parked in the abandoned lot of Fort Miley, and Wei Wuxian cast a look towards the mounted cannons, nothing more now than a reminder of all the battles that had been fought before the last war. He lit up one of his Lucky Strikes and watched the smoke float up to meet the layer of fog that hung heavily above the darkened ocean.

He felt rather than heard Lan Wangji’s presence behind him. Wei Wuxian turned, taking in Lan Wangji's stately figure in the silver glow of the moon. His long, grey coat had been unbuttoned, showing off the long column of his neck and the thin sheen of a silk black blouse, accessorized rather demurely by a short, single string of pearls and a low-hanging sapphire pendant on a heavy, gold chain. He had clearly not taken the time to get dolled up for his attempted assassination.

“Lan Zhan, we’re so close to Cloud Recesses. Why didn’t you just drive straight home? You must be beat.”

Lan Wangji pulled the cigarette out of Wei Wuxian’s fingers and took a long drag from it himself. His lips wrapped around the filter looked soft and obscenely kissable. Wei Wuxian had the sudden desire to fall to his knees and never rise again.

Lan Wangji said, “I guess I’m in love with you, too.”

Wei Wuxian had always thought of himself as a strong man, capable of withstanding anything. But he was powerless in the face of such naked sincerity. He pushed his appropriated fedora deeper over his head, hiding his eyes from view.

“You’ve only known me for a week,” he said, stealing the cigarette back and taking his own drag from it.

Lan Wangji nodded, “Feels like twice as long.”

Wei Wuxian laughed and flicked the remains of his cigarette over the cliff. “Come here, you horrible asshole!”

Lan Wangji stepped right into the circle of Wei Wuxian's arms. He felt solid and warm, even in the chilly night air, and his eyes reflected the moonlight like two bright stars, blinding Wei Wuxian with their proximity. Even this close, with their noses almost touching, he seemed flawless, like painted porcelain, like something out of this world. Like a priceless pearl himself.

"You're absolutely terrible," Wei Wuxian whispered. "The fucking worst. You're so…"

Lan Wangji's mouth closed over his own, cutting off the nonsensical stream of his words. Wei Wuxian whimpered and opened his lips to allow Lan Wangji's tongue to gently slide past them. One of Lan Wangji's hands grasped his lower back, pulling him tighter, while the other tangled in the hair above the nape of his neck. His lips really were as soft as they looked, Wei Wuxian noted, as he moaned into Lan Wangji's mouth, allowing his jaw to slacken while being kissed more hungrily and thoroughly than ever in his life.

They were both panting when Lan Wangji pulled back, his lips red and kiss-swollen, his eyes dark and unfocused, and beautiful like jewels. Lan Wangji's own wide brimmed hat had fallen off and had luckily been carried by the wind against the glass of the windshield, where it now lay caught.

"Wait," Wei Wuxian whispered, his knees weak, "you're not wearing that lipstick, are you? Because I don't need another nap."

"Shut up."

"So bossy," Wei Wuxian complained, reeling Lan Wangji back by the lapels of his coat to resume kissing him. Lan Wangji turned them both, slamming Wei Wuxian's back against the hood of the Rolls. "Ah, Lan Zhan, so violent!" Wei Wuxian pouted in feigned displeasure. "Aiyoh, you can kill me later, but I'd like to actually get my hands on you first."

"Shut up," Lan Wangji pressed heated words into the skin of Wei Wuxian's exposed neck, kisses peppering over the remains of his bruises. "Shut up, shut up!"

His mouth was scalding against Wei Wuxian's skin. Who would've ever thought that the Ice Prince would burn so hot?

"Lan Zhan, fuck!" Wei Wuxian babbled on as Lan Wangji's fingers undid the buttons of his coat. "We're right outside! What if someone sees us? What if your Uncle sees us!"

Lan Wangji lifted his beautiful mouth off of Wei Wuxian's collarbones and fixed him with a stare so intense that the private eye was about to meld with the hood of his car.

"I didn't expect you to be such a prude," Lan Wangji stated.

"Hey! Watch who you're calling a prude, highness!" Wei Wuxian scoffed in outrage.

"Give me your tie," Lan Wangji said, fingers already pulling at the knot around Wei Wuxian's throat.

"Fuck, you're hot," Wei Wuxian muttered, feeling as if his brain was about to dribble out of his ears. "How are you this hot? It's a crime, you know. No wonder Jiang Cheng wanted to book you every day."

Instead of a reasoned response, Lan Wangji simply picked Wei Wuxian up by his thighs and lifted him up onto the hood of his Rolls until his legs dangled over the side of the front tire. Steam came out of Wei Wuxian's ears, while his mouth fell open.

Lan Wangji held his own tie in front of him. "Do you trust me?"

"To bang me within an inch of my life? Sure."

"Do you trust me, Wei Ying?" he repeated. "I need you to trust me."

Wei Wuxian let out a helpless giggle. How was he supposed to function with Lan Wangji looking like that, while standing between his legs and saying things like this? The craziest part of it all was that he did trust Lan Wangji. Insanely and inexplicably, but his gut had seldom steered him wrong before (perhaps his first impression of Dimples notwithstanding). And as crazy as this thing between them was, Lan Wangji had never actually lied to him.

Lan Wangji's hand was a hot pressure against Wei Wuxian's thigh. "I've put my life in your hands. Do you trust me?" he asked again.

"Yeah, Lan Zhan," Wei Wuxian nodded. "It might be crazy, but I do. Completely."

Lan Wangji's mouth slammed against his once more, a careless collision of lips and teeth. There was something exhilarating and joyful about being kissed this way, and Wei Wuxian wrapped his legs around Lan Wangji's waist, reveling in the way their bodies slotted together, so perfectly. As if Wei Wuxian was created just to be crushed by Lan Wangji. His entire body vibrated from need of it.

"Come on, then," Wei Wuxian whispered in his ear, already keeping his eyes closed in anticipation. "Put it on me."

The soft cloth of the tie slipped around his eyes, causing Wei Wuxian’s breath to hitch. The cold ocean breeze ruffled his hair, like an autumn kiss against his flushed skin, and when Wei Wuxian felt the hot exhale of Lan Wangji’s breath against his ear, he shuddered, letting one of his hands grasp forward, finding the warm wool of Lan Wangji’s unbuttoned Dior coat.

“I’ve thought about this,” Lan Wangji whispered, his lips a soft caress against Wei Wuxian’s earlobe. “A lot, Wei Ying.”

Wei Wuxian let out a small giggle, seeking the warmth of Lan Wangji’s body in the darkness that had descended around him. “You thought of having your wicked way with me on the hood of your Rolls?”


“Lan Zhan, did you really?” Wei Wuxian attempted to pull the other man towards him, but Lan Wangji eluded him, stepping too far out of his reach, making him feel suddenly naked and observed, even while still fully clothed. “Is that what you thought about on all those lonely drives to Marin?”

“Mn. And more.”

“Lan Zhaaaaaan,” Wei Wuxian let out a desperate whine. “Touch me, please.”

Lan Wangji’s fingers were suddenly on his belt, unbuckling it, hands maneuvering Wei Wuxian’s limbs however they pleased, making him feel disoriented and completely helpless while Lan Wangji pulled his trousers off in one determined tug, exposing his naked legs to the chilling moisture of the fog.

“Ah!” Wei Wuxian gasped, tipped over onto his back against the hood. The engine was still warm and the smooth metal felt pleasantly soothing against his exposed skin. “Lan Zhan, you are a menace,” he whispered, feeling impossibly turned on yet optimally foolish. He must have looked ridiculous like this, in nothing but his skivvies and spats from the waist down, still wearing his tattered coat and suit jacket, blindfolded with his own tie.

As if reading his thoughts, Lan Wangji’s mellow, butterscotch voice caressed him through the darkness, “Wei Ying is beautiful.”

“Fuck, are you trying to kill a man?” Wei Wuxian moaned, throwing one arm over his face, attempting to hide whatever was still visible of it from sheer embarrassment.

“Want to make you feel good,” Wei Wuxian heard as Lan Wangji’s long fingers hooked into the waistband of his briefs and pulled them down his legs. His cock bounced up, careless of the cold, careless of anything except the bone-deep desire that settled into Wei Wuxian’s body. “You’re so beautiful,” Lan Wangji whispered again, his body a furnace hovering above Wei Wuxian’s. His lips barely brushed against Wei Wuxian’s open mouth, a shadowy caress that left him shaking for more contact. “Wanted you mine. Wanted to feel your hands on me. Your legs around me.”

“Fuck, fuck, Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian gasped. His body seemed to have no problems following the implicit commands, as his arms and legs wrapped around Lan Wangji, pressing his body closer. “I knew you’d be trouble the moment I saw you,” Wei Wuxian said as Lan Wangji’s lips trailed along the curve of his jaw and pressed a surprisingly gentle kiss to the tip of his chin. Wei Wuxian’s cock thrust valiantly into the heat between their bodies, probably smearing against the expensive wool of that damned coat. “Well, you have me,” Wei Wuxian said. It was a lot easier to be brave, to say things like this when he didn’t need to see himself saying them. “You’ve got me, Lan Zhan, what are you going to do to me?”

Lan Wangji’s tongue pushed past Wei Wuxian’s lips, exploring his mouth thoroughly, almost thoughtfully. Their breaths mingled gently as Wei Wuxian allowed Lan Wangji to take control of the kiss, letting himself go lax and pliant in his arms, allowing himself for just a moment to be nothing but a well of sensation. Lan Wangji kissed the way he did everything else, with dauntless determination, as if he wanted to drink all of Wei Wuxian in, to immolate him in the fire of his own mouth. Wei Wuxian moaned in disapproval when Lan Wangji finally broke the kiss and pressed his mouth to the column of his neck. It felt great there, too. But Wei Wuxian wanted it back on his mouth at the same time. No, he wanted it lower. He wanted it everywhere. Lan Wangji’s kid glove-covered fingers were wrapping around his shaft, while Wei Wuxian’s head knocked against the car from the sudden shift in the attention he was getting, and he lifted his hips off the hood, attempting to thrust into the light leather grip.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji whispered against Wei Wuxian’s hair as his tongue curled around the shell of his ear. “I have wanted you since the first day I met you. I was so annoyed by how beautiful you were. Such effrontery!”

Wei Wuxian was losing his mind. “Ah… ha… I’m sorry,” he panted, wanting to fuck harder into Lan Wangji’s gloved hand, which was denying him by keeping the grip maddeningly loose around his cock.

“And you didn’t take any of my shit,” Lan Wangji continued. “I cannot tell you how hot that was.”

“Ooooooooh boy,” Wei Wuxian let out. He was beginning to lose his hold on Lan Wangji, whose body slid serpentlike down his own, all warmth and contact disappearing for a moment, except the infuriatingly soft strokes that teased his cock into an angry, leaking rod.

“I wanted to go down to my knees for you,” Wei Wuxian’s heard the sweet lull of Lan Wangji’s voice, as if carried on the ocean breeze. He was going to nut just like this. Just from Lan Wangji talking so dirty to him. "I've waited so long for someone to make me feel like this, I might devour you," Wei Wuxian heard.

The sudden pain of Lan Wangji’s teeth sinking into the soft flesh of his inner thigh made Wei Wuxian cry out and reach forward blindly, seeking his lover's touch. He was rewarded with a wet swipe of tongue along the place where teeth had likely left their mark a moment ago and shivered.

“Ah, Lan Zhan, you can’t do this to a man. Has your Uncle taught you no manners?”

His thighs were suddenly lifted and Wei Wuxian realized through the haze of his desire and the darkness of the blindfold that they were being placed around Lan Wangji’s surprisingly broad shoulders.

“Oh, my god, Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian began to babble again nervously, even as he could feel the scalding breath that came out of Lan Wangji’s mouth and wrapped around the exposed soft tissues of his own genitals. “Lan Zhan, are you on your knees right now? Fuck. Lan Zhan, I want to see. Please, let me see. You can’t do this to me. Ah!” The last cry was caused by Lan Wangji’s teeth sinking into the flesh of his other thigh. “Ah, god, Lan Zhan, you’re so cruel!”

The exhalation from Lan Wangji's soundless laughter tickled against Wei Wuxian's scrotum and before he could utter any more protestations, Lan Wangji's mouth was back, pressing hot kisses into the groove of his iliac furrow, tracing his path with soft, wet licks of his tongue. Lan Wangji shifted, and for a moment, Wei Wuxian heard uncertain sounds, a soft clicking, something hard placed against the metal of the hood, and then his hand was back on Wei Wuxian's aching cock, fingers bare and covered in something slick.

"Lan Zhan!" Wei Wuxian gasped. "Are you… is that? Oh my god, is that lube? Do you have emergency lube in your car, oh my god… Why are you like this?"

The hand around his cock tightened, and the soft warmth of Lan Wangji's lips enveloped Wei Wuxian as his lover took one of his balls into his mouth. Wei Wuxian's teeth sank into his own lower lip as his hips gave another involuntary jolt. Lan Wangji's mouth continued the excruciating torment of sucking around his balls, first one, then the other, soft slurping sounds reaching Wei Wuxian's ears along with the susurrus of the waves. His hand stroked Wei Wuxian with practiced ease and intent, his long fingers finding new ways of sending Wei Wuxian into a frenzied delirium.

Wei Wuxian let out a high pitched keen, completely beyond caring of anyone hearing them. Even had Jiang Cheng himself shown up to arrest them for indecent public acts, he would've begged Lan Wangji to let him finish, everything else be damned. Lan Wangji's tongue twirled once more around a testicle, before licking a long stripe all the way up to the tip of Wei Wuxian's leaking cock. It dipped inside the slit, toying with him, reducing him to a muttering mess, before taking pity on him. The heat of Lan Wangji's mouth descending over his cock made Wei Wuxian moan wantonly again as he thrust forward, seeking more, wanting everything Lan Wangji was so generously giving him. One of his hands reached down, fingers twining through the thick, lustrous strands of Lan Wangji's hair, tightening to hold him in place.

"Ah, I'm sorry," Wei Wuxian gasped. His blindfold was moist, either from the fog, or the tears of pleasure that kept escaping from the corners of his eyes. "Please," Wei Wuxian begged, not knowing anymore what he was begging for.

Lan Wangji let go of his cock, only long enough to say, "You may fuck my throat."

Wei Wuxian was damn proud of himself for not just losing it then and there. He tightened his fingers in Lan Wangji's hair as his lover swallowed and let out a deep moan around his shaft, and began to thrust up into the waiting heat of his mouth, pistoning his hips into a frenetic rhythm. Lan Wangji's fingers were back, once more covered in the same slick substance, trailing down Wei Wuxian's perineum, until the pad of his lover's thumb was pressing against his opening, circling it, toying with the sensitive nerve endings before finally breaching him with a single powerful thrust. He cried out, no longer in control of his body, his cock twitching inside Lan Wangji's throat as Wei Wuxian crested and began to shoot his load even while Lan Wangji's finger stroked his insides, milking him until the end. His thighs shuddered and clamped down hard around Lan Wangji's shoulders. Despite the blindfold, Wei Wuxian could've sworn he was seeing stars. He was seeing the face of God. He shook apart completely, lulled by the soft slurping sounds of Lan Wangji cleaning every last drop of his spend with his long, talented tongue.

He fell into a strange and uncharacteristic silence, his fingers absentmindedly stroking along Lan Wangji's soft hair, caressing the shell of his ear, while he remained kneeling between Wei Wuxian's naked legs, with his smooth cheek resting against the exposed skin of his thigh. The rush of the waves breaking against the distant rocks was the only sound around them, and Wei Wuxian felt as if his body was floating, carried away by a relentless rip current out to sea.

"Wei Ying?"

Lan Wangji's breath caressed Wei Wuxian's earlobe again, but he could not recall his lover moving. He let out a soft hum, turning his face in the direction of Lan Wangji's voice.

"Are you all right?"

"No," Wei Wuxian shook his head. "You have killed me. You have no measure of what a fragile wreck of a man I actually am."

The tie was pushed up to his forehead, uncovering Wei Wuxian's eyes, and he found himself staring into the night sky, up at the running tendrils of the fog that floated above him. The sound of the car door being opened made Wei Wuxian lift his head. The rest of his limbs had long turned to butter. Suddenly, Lan Wangji was next to him again, arms wrapping around Wei Wuxian's torso, scooping under his knees, and pulling him off the hood of the car and into his own arms.

"Lan Zhan!" Wei Wuxian exclaimed, horrified and turned on in equal measure. "What… what are you doing? Are you bridal carrying me? Into your back seat?"

Lan Wangji indeed did just that, maneuvering Wei Wuxian deftly into the wide back seat of his Rolls, tossing his trousers after him, and then climbing inside himself, and settling right on top, pressing him into the leather with the pleasant weight of his body.

"You did say you liked your men strong," Lan Wangji pointed out with a strangely studious expression on his face.

Wei Wuxian swallowed and spread his legs, allowing Lan Wangji's slender hips to settle between them comfortably. "I'm losing my mind from how hot all that was," he said, fingers combing through his lover's hair, "but please don't ever do it in front of my friends."

Lan Wangji smiled, before hiding his face against Wei Wuxian's neck. He felt good there too, tucked right in. A perfect fit, Wei Wuxian thought fondly. He wanted to keep him so much, he was afraid his heart might burst.

"You're going to introduce me to your friends?" Lan Wangji whispered against the rabbiting pulse just under Wei Wuxian's skin.

"Maybe. Although you kind of already met and have insulted most of them. Are you going to introduce me to your horses?"

"I can't tell if you're insulting me or just trying to get me to fuck you in the stables."

"Mostly the second one."


"Hey, Lan Zhan, do you also have a riding crop?"


"Hey, Lan Zhan, hey. Do you really have emergency lube in your car?"

Lan Wangji rummaged on the car floor before shoving a round container into Wei Wuxian's hands. "Estée Lauder Rich All Purpose Cream," Wei Wuxian read out loud. "This shit is like… priceless!"

"Bringing the best to everyone we touch," Lan Wangji recited the Estée Lauder slogan with a deadpan expression on his gorgeous and smug face. Wei Wuxian was absurdly in love with him.

"You're really the best, do you know that, Lan Zhan?" Wei Wuxian said, cupping that sharp jawline with both of his hands. "Has anyone ever told you that?"

"No one," Lan Wangji replied, turning his face to place a chaste kiss into the middle of Wei Wuxian's palm. "Only Wei Ying."

A scoop of pelicans sailed on the wind past the car windows, carried towards the ocean, ready to fend for themselves with the coming break of day. Somewhere in the distance, another car door slammed, and the sound of a barking dog joined in the cries of the sea gulls. Over in the East, behind the hills of the Marin Headlands and Angel Island, the sun was beginning to rise, coloring the Golden Gate Bridge in an orange glow that could not be found anywhere else in the world.

"Come home with me, gumshoe," Lan Wangji whispered against Wei Wuxian's lips.

"I'd go anywhere with you, highness."

He would. And he did.

The End