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I Need You (To Turn To)

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Nick is seriously trying to focus, even though he knows that’s the opposite of what he should be doing. He should be clearing his mind, letting himself sink deeper, but it’s been hours of this already and he can’t go under. He just can’t get there.

So he begs for harder, rougher. He knows that’s not what gets him there, but he’s desperate to be under, to be free of everything for just a moment. He’s almost crying as the demons push him between each other, chains pulling and tugging.

And then he hears a voice ask, “Nick?”

“Sabrina?” He scrambles to pull the mask off with his cuffed hands. There she is, standing in front of him looking as gorgeous as ever. But he can see the hurt sliding in over her face as she takes in the scene. Fear drops like a cold stone in his gut; his wrists pull on the cuffs for the first time in hours in an attempt of escape. “I can explain.”

“No explanation needed,” she says. Her eyes are glimmering with unshed tears even as fury takes over her expression. “It’s pretty clear what’s going on here.”

The demons are still uncaringly beating into him. Watching her turn her back and leave, he cries out, “Sabrina!” When she doesn’t turn back around, he tugs at the cuffs again. “Stop, stop, red!”

The demons finally stop at the sound of his safeword. They begin clicking the restraints off at his request and next thing he knows, he’s tugging his pants back on and trying to run down the hall at the same time, but it’s still not fast enough. By the time he reaches Dorian, he’s alone.

———

Nick is trying very, very hard not to panic right now. He’s standing in front of Spellman Mortuary, and he knows Sabrina is inside. He’s confident she is going to break up with him, and he’s really not sure he can handle that right now, and he still hasn’t been under since before the fucking Devil possessed him. He’s going to be sick.

He manages to get his legs to cooperate with him and moves to Sabrina’s window. Her room is lit and he can see her silhouette moving around inside. He takes a deep breath, approaches, and knocks on the window gently.

Sabrina peers at him through the glass for a moment before unlocking the window and sliding it up. She steps out of his way so that he can climb in, silently sitting on her bed and folding her arms.

Nick’s mouth goes dry at the sight of her. She’s in her pajamas, the ones with the goddamn buttons and the too-long pants that she has to roll up. “Hi, Spellman, ” he says weakly.

“Hi,” she says, her mouth twisting unpleasantly. He sees her start to open it like she wants to say more, and even though he knows it’s rude, he jumps to interrupt.

“Please don’t break up with me,” is what he says in barely a whisper. He’s mortified a second later; Nicholas Scratch does not beg. Except, he totally does, and that’s the whole goddamn point of this.

Sabrina furrows her brow, and her eyes soften. She sighs, holding out her hand to him. He just stares at her, confused. “Come here,” she says.

When he takes her hand, she tugs him closer to sit next to her. She wordlessly wraps him up in a hug, and he can’t help the way his throat goes tight and his eyes get wet. He buries his face in her shoulder and doesn’t say anything for a long time.

“I am not going to break up with you,” Sabrina says finally, and Nick nearly collapses with the relief he feels. Maybe one thing in his entire life will go right after all. “But I need you to talk to me. Tell me what’s going on.”

And the fear creeps back in again. Because she might be saying this now, she might think she’s open to anything, but he’s had people learn this about him and look at him differently in the past. He knows what that feels like.

“Sabrina, I...” he begins, but his throat dries out and he swallows harshly before speaking again. “I’m a sub. It’s something - something I need. To feel okay. Balanced. I’m sure you’ve noticed I haven’t been doing well lately.”

He huffs a self-deprecating laugh here, avoiding her eyes. Sabrina cups a hand on his cheek to pull his gaze to hers. All he sees in her eyes is concern, no pity.

“I need sub space,” he admits, his heart pounding. He’s so goddamn nervous. “I need the escape. It gets me out of my head, and especially after Lucifer-“

His voice breaks, and Sabrina swoops in to press a gentle kiss to his mouth. He turns it into something deeper, closer, because he doesn’t know if this will be his last kiss with her, and he’s greedy.

“Anyway, I can usually bring myself under enough to be okay,” Nick says, and he feels heat creep up at this admission. “But I haven’t been able to get there since - since-“

He can’t say it this time, and Sabrina hushes his attempts soothingly. This time she presses a kiss to his temple, and the gentleness brings tears to his eyes.

“Sabrina, I need this. I can’t - I can’t function without it,” he says, “but I need you. I can’t do this without you, any of it, please-“

His voice is beginning to get hysterical, so he’s grateful when she cuts him off. “Shhhhh, it’s alright. I’m not going anywhere.”

He’s stunned by her kindness, and his emotions are all over the place, with the anxiety and the stress and the relief and the happiness and the love and the fear, all wrapped up together. He can’t help the sob that jumps out of his chest, or the ones that follow it. As he breaks down, Sabrina holds him close, and lets him lose his grip for a brief moment.

When it finally subsides, he feels the embarrassment come creeping back in. “Sorry. I told you it’s been awhile since I’ve been under. It makes me, uh, a little emotionally vulnerable, I guess.”

He’s averting his eyes, so he isn’t prepared for Sabrina’s voice directly at his ear. “Why don’t you lay back and relax?” She practically purrs. “I think I can help with that.”

She guides his movements gently, and he’s so worn out from the emotional turmoil that he goes along willingly. But he can’t help but say, “Sabrina, it’s not something anyone can do. It takes practice-“

“Shhh. Do you trust me Nicholas?” She asks, her eyes looking into his, and he nods quickly. He does, he trusts this witch with his life and his heart and everything else about him, now. “Then relax for me, okay? Do you have a safeword?”

He’s a little surprised that she even knows what a safeword is, but he answers, “I use the stoplight system. Green for go, red for stop, yellow for slow down.”

“Good boy,” she praises, and it washes over him gently, pulling over him like a warm blanket. He hums a little in response, his eyes falling shut. The next moment, a piece of cloth is being tied over his eyes. “Is that okay, Nick? Not too tight?”

“It’s good. Green,” he says. He’s not under, not even close, but he’s feeling good and tingly, the way Sabrina always makes him feel.

She pulls his clothes off slowly, taking the time to caress and smooth her hands over his skin. The shirt goes first, of course, and then Sabrina is sliding warm palms down his chest, over his abs. Her fingers dance around his waistband for a moment before unbuttoning his pants and undoing the zipper.

There’s something about not being able to see that really gets Nick going. It makes every touch to his body more intense, as he quite literally can’t see them coming. He loves it, and he has no idea how Sabrina picked up on it so quickly.

She slides his pants all the way down and off, slipping his socks off too. He’s left in just his briefs, clinging to his skin. He shifts a little on the bed, feeling Sabrina’s eyes on him. He pictures himself, tied up and near-naked for her, at her disposal, and heat pools low in his belly. His cheeks start to flush a little.

Deft, slim fingers use cloth to tie his left wrist to the headboard, then his right. His ankles are tied to the bottom of her bed. He tugs on them experimentally, half-expecting the cloth to give, but it doesn’t. The thrill of being trapped rushes through him like a full-body flush, adding to the lust spreading through him.

At least if he doesn’t go under, he’s still having a good time. It’s hard for him not to have a good time with Sabrina.

It’s quiet for a moment, and he feels nothing. He waits, holding his breath, and listening for any sort of sound, but he doesn't hear anything. Finally, he feels the tips of Sabrina’s fingers on his scalp, massaging gently. He can’t help the pornographic-sounding moan that escapes him; it feels divine.

Sabrina huffs a laugh, but it’s fond and amused. “That’s it honey, just relax for me. I’m right here. You’re safe.”

Again, Nick has no idea how, but she knows exactly what to say for him to practically puddle onto her bed. He feels weeks worth of tension begin to finally, slowly dissipate.

She massages his scalp for a few moments before moving down to his shoulders. Here, she pours something over his chest. It doesn’t feel weighty or greasy against him as she rubs it in, and the scent is light and soothing. He hums low in his throat, almost subconsciously. She presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth and he tries to chase her for a real one.

“Maybe later,” she laughs. “I’ve got plans for you yet.”

Her hands glide down his arms, aided by the remains of whatever she’d used on his chest. She massages his hands deeply, something he’s never had done before, and it feels unbelievably good. He mumbles a “thank you,” as she moves back to his abdomen. Here, she gently rubs down towards his hip bones. She brushes over the waistband of his briefs a few times, and every time he thinks she’s going to slip under them, but she doesn’t. Instead she continues down his legs, teasingly rubbing his thighs.

This is when Sabrina starts to drive him absolutely fucking insane. And it’s only the beginning.

She massages his thighs all the way up to the bottom of his briefs, always getting close close close to where he wants her to touch but never reaching it. After a few passes of this, he finally mumbles a tiny, “Please.”

Sabrina laughs again, and this time the sound has a hint of mockery to it. Nick feels himself flush hot all the way to his ears and down his neck. His cock is straining in his briefs now, but so far, Sabrina seems content to ignore it. She finishes her full body massage, continuing down his legs and rubbing his feet. He can’t even focus on how good the foot massage feels, though, because his heartbeat is pounding through him, pulsing through his groin.

Finally, finally, she palms his cock out of nowhere, and he helplessly cants his hips up into the long-awaited friction with a groan. She pulls away.

“Checking in,” she says at his ear. “Color?”

“Green,” Nick says immediately. He’s never been so sure of anything in his life. This is the closest he’s been to subspace in months, even though he’s not quite there yet, just a little fuzzy. “Very green.”

“Good boy,” she praises, and just like before, it washes over him like warmth. He feels himself sink just a little, but he doesn’t want to scare himself out of it, so he ignores it.

“I like that,” he admits. “Being called that. Is there - is there something I should call you?”

“Hmmmm,” she thought about it for a moment. “I think, you’ll address me as Miss... or Domina.”

“Yes, Domina,” he moaned, and she leaned in to kiss him, swallowing the noise. Out of absolutely nowhere, Nick goes from feeling his briefs trapping his erection to cool air against his skin, and his previously-trapped cock springing up to slap against his belly. He gasped at the clear use of magic from his girlfriend. 

She doesn’t even hesitate to take him into her mouth, and he’s so worked up that he can’t help the way his hips jump up a little. Her hands wrap over his hips and shove them back down, and he chokes on a gasp. His eyes are wide behind the cloth covering his eyes.

He can feel it now. He’s slipping under, and he has no idea how Sabrina was able to read him that quickly, how she was the only one able to get him there. The fact that they’d never even had regular sex before this, and he is pretty sure Sabrina was a virgin, astounds him.

“Please, Miss,” he begs, voice hoarse. He’s already close.

“Hmm, we need more restraints next time,” she says dismissively, once she’s pulled off of him. “But maybe you’ll behave better next time, once you’re more settled.”

He feels a light humiliation wash over him. “I’m sorry, Domina. I’m - I’m trying my best-“

“Oh, no, love, you’re doing great,” Sabrina is quick to reassure. “You’re such a good boy.”

She kisses him then, and he loses himself in it a little. He’s hazy from the taste of her when she trails down his chest, and rubs over his nipples out of nowhere. He keens at the stimulation, the feeling going straight to his neglected cock lying against his stomach.

“Okay, Nick,” she says. “I’m going to move on to something a little more intense. Do you remember your safewords?”

“Yes,” he says, interest piqued. “I’m still green.”

“Good boy,” she praises, running a hand through his hair, brushing it back from his forehead. “Carissime.”

Holy Heaven, she is going to drive him insane. His hips jerk in a fruitless attempt at friction and he moans in the back of his throat.

“Sabrina,” he gasps out. “Those Latin classes are paying off, huh?”

Her hand tightens in his hair, pulling his head roughly back. He gasps, seeing stars behind his eyelids, feeling tingles down his spine straight to his toes and back.

“You will address me as Miss or Domina,” she scolds lightly. Her other hand wraps gently around his throat. “Maybe you need a reminder, when you’re in this space. A collar, perhaps?”

He keens, arching into her touch, begging for more. Blood pounds in the space between his legs, his cock hot against his skin, but she ignores it.

“Something simple, something you can put on when you’re feeling... unbalanced,” she continues, fingers pressing lightly at the skin of his neck. He’s gasping for breath, even though she’s barely even holding him there, no pressure at all.

And then she does press down, squeezing lightly, and he’s so worked up that that’s all it takes. With the press of her hand he’s spiraling down, down, down...

And it’s ecstatic. Finally, after months, he feels his mind go blank and subspace take over. He goes limp in his bonds, his entire body relaxing.

“That’s it, that’s great, my good boy,” Sabrina coos, and he hums in response, head lolling towards the sound of her voice. She presses down on his throat again, the pressure sparking pleasure throughout Nick’s whole body. “Yes, you’re sliding right under, aren’t you? No trouble at all.”

“Yes, Domina,” he murmurs in response, mostly focused on her touch rather than responding.

“Beautiful,” she praises, and he feels a flush heat his skin, but he doesn’t care. That doesn’t matter anymore; the only thing that matters is Sabrina, Domina, and how he can please her.

“You misbehaved, though,” she continues. “You went to sex demons instead of me. And you slipped on my title, but I’ll let the first time slide.”

“Yes, Miss,” he says, swallowing. She removes her hands from him, and he hears her get off the bed. Next he feels her fingers untie the restraints on his ankles; even without them, he doesn’t dare move.

“You have to be punished, Dulcissime,” Sabrina purrs, hand wrapping around his ankle. She pulls his leg up, and he moves the other with it, until he’s lying with his hands still tied to the headboard, and his legs splayed wide, revealing everything. His skin feels flushed all over now. “But if I’m right, you prefer pleasure to pain, though you do enjoy a healthy mix.”

If his thoughts were still coherent, he’d be surprised by how she has him pinned already. Instead, he just hums in agreement.

And then her mouth closes over his cock again, and all thoughts, coherent or otherwise, flood from his brain like water pouring out of his ears. He moans loudly, trying hard not to move into her touch. She slides her tongue under the head of his cock, playing at his sensitive slit, and he can’t help but squirm.

“Oh, sweetheart,” she says, pulling away. “I am going to ruin you.”

And then she does. She expertly sucks his cock, alternating between suckling the head and taking as much of him into her mouth as she could, or mouthing at his balls, or licking a flat tongue up his length. She starts by grabbing his ass, kneading his cheeks, and prompted by his noises, moves to trace her fingers around his hole. She drags him closer and closer to the edge, but somehow knows just when to stop. But this time he’s getting there, he’s almost there-

“Oh, yes, yes, please,” he begs. “Please, Miss, please-“

And then all her touch is removed, leaving him thrusting against nothing with a sound of frustration. A harsh slap hits his thigh and he gasps at the sharp feeling. His orgasm settles back down again.

“I decide what I give you,” she says. “Your job is lay back and take it.”

He nods frantically. “Yes, Domina.”

“Good,” she praises, and she goes back to stroking him firmly, but slowly, driving him crazy. “You’re gorgeous like this.”

He blushes, hiding his face against his shoulder. “‘M not,” he mumbles. He’s humping his hips slowly into her hand, biting into his lip as he gets close to his orgasm again.

“You are, Carissime,” Sabrina reassures. “All strung out and turned on for me. You’re like a live wire just waiting to snap-“

And then she pulls off again, and this time Nick outright whines at the nothingness. But he doesn’t beg for more.

She doesn’t go back to touching him immediately this time. She lets him catch his breath, and it’s only after he’s calm again that he realizes -

He hears soft noises of movement, and Sabrina’s breathing heavy, and it hits him - she’s fingering herself right there in front of him, inches from him, and he can’t see it or even do anything about it. He moans loudly, and his cock jumps against his stomach. Without her even touching him, he’s close again.

“Just getting myself ready for you, baby,” Sabrina pants. He can hear it clearly now, the sound of her fingers going in and out of herself, her punched out gasps when she hits that spot inside her. “Your job is to make me come before you do, okay?”

He nods quickly. “Yes, Miss, please let me be good for you.”

“Oh, I know you’ll be good for me,” she says, leaning over him now. He feels heat where she’s pressed against him, and her cunt is wet against his cock. She rubs against him, his dick sliding against her, and he keens. He can feel her goddamn heartbeat pounding, and he's sure she can feel his with the way his pulse is racing. He’s so close he’s throbbing with it, aching to come.

“Please, please, Domina, please,” he begs.

She laughs lightly, kisses him softly, and finally, finally slides down onto his cock. And it’s indescribable. He throws his head back, wrenches his eyes shut and twists his face into a grimace as he tries desperately not to come immediately.

He’s had sex before. It’s fun, it’s always been good, but it was nothing like this. This is mind-blowing without anything really happening yet. Nick is out of his mind from a blowjob and his girlfriend riding him, and he’s confident it's all based on who that girl is. Sabrina is nothing if not extraordinary.

She rides him slow and deep, and it’s excruciating. Nick has been ready to come about five orgasms ago, but if Sabrina says she comes first, well, she comes first. If he had any energy to be embarrassed, he would be, because his babbling pleas and he can’t stop. But down in subspace, none of that matters. He’s floating with pleasure, hazy with it, just waiting for that perfect crest.

Sabrina starts to get close. Her breathing speeds up, gets deeper, and she picks up the pace. He grunts, shoving his hips up to meet her thrusts. He focuses on trying to make her feel good; his wonderful Domina, her pleasure matters more. She cries out when he hits that spot inside her, so he keeps his aim there. After a few more thrusts, she cries out, clenching wildly around him. Her nails scrape down his chest in a sharp arc of pain that has him hissing; he’s so close to losing it.

“Please, Miss, please,” he begs. “May I come? Please, Domina...”

Her wild thrusts slow to a stop and she pulls off of him. He groans his displeasure, so she wraps a hand around his cock, pumping it a few times just to see him squirm.

“Not yet, Dulcissime,” she says. “Just a little longer.”

“I can’t wait any longer,” he whines, canting his hips up. “Please, I’ve been waiting for so long, Domina.”

“Oh, I know, you’re been so patient for me, my love,” Sabrina agrees. Her hand slides around his cock, stroking gently. She twists her wrist expertly at the head, causing him to arch up with a cry. “But this is a punishment, remember?”

“Yes,” he pants. “Yes, Miss, it’s a punishment.”

She removes her hand again, and it’s quiet for a moment. All Nick can hear is his own heightened breathing as he struggles to calm down. He whines a little, squirming in place.

“Hush, I’ll take care of you, Nicholas,” Sabrina says at his ear, and he shudders as she bites gently at his earlobe. She kisses down his throat and up again. Finally, without touching him, she whispers, “Come.”

It’s like an incantation, the way she says it. Nick is helpless but to obey the order. His whole body tenses, arching up, before he releases with a hoarse cry, his cock spurting lines of white onto his belly. The orgasm, though long awaited, is barely appreciated as he has no stimulation for the duration of it. But it leaves him perfectly drained, physically and emotionally and mentally.

He must black out or something, he can’t remember, but he comes back as Sabrina is wiping him off. A warm, wet cloth slides over his stomach and his sensitive cock, and he shivers in response.

“Shhh, it’s okay, I’ve got you,” Sabrina says. And he smiles, safe in this fact. Sabrina has him. She’s in charge, he can relax. He floats there while she cleans him up.

After a while he feels her fingers at the restraints on his wrists. “Can I take these off?” She asks. He nods. She slides the cloth away, massaging his skin even though there wasn’t any friction at all. He briefly wonders what she even used to tie him up, but in subspace that thought isn’t very important to him.

He floats again, until he feels the bed dip next to him, and Sabrina presses close to his side. He clumsily wraps an arm around her. She presses a kiss against his mouth. He’s too out of it to even move, but she keeps it chaste.

“Checking in. Color?” She asks.

It takes him a moment. “Green,” he finally mumbles. “So green. Thank you, Domina.”

“Anytime,” she says. “You’re beautiful like this. So sweet, such a good sub.”

He flushes at the unexpected praise, nuzzling closer to her. She hums in approval.

“Would you like me to take off your blindfold?” She asks. “Or do you want to keep it on?”

“Leave it,” he requests.

After awhile, they both fall asleep. And for the first time in months, Nick doesn’t wake up screaming from a nightmare.

———

The next day, when Nick wakes up, the blindfold has fallen off in his sleep, and he’s still a little bit under. This is the first time that has ever happened to him. Usually it takes him a lot to drop into subspace, and it only lasts a little while.

He’s still too fuzzy to really think about it properly, but he assumes that’s due to Sabrina. She taught him to love; she might as well teach him proper BDSM etiquette while she’s at it.

Sabrina comes through the door fully dressed, tiptoeing while holding a tray of breakfast. When she sees he’s awake, she pouts adorably.

“You were supposed to stay asleep,” She says.

“Sorry, Miss,” he says automatically, and he watches it register in her eyes. He feels a trickle of nerves enter his floatiness, worried that she might react badly, but Sabrina is quick to wave it away.

“That’s alright. I would’ve been able to wake you up with kisses, but we’ll do that next time,” she says. She gives him a bright smile that he can’t help but return, though he’s certain his own is a lot more dopey. “Can I hand-feed you?”

“Yes, please, Miss,” he agrees readily. He’s never done that before, never really cared much for aftercare or the softer aspects of BDSM, but it sounds amazing. She grabs a strawberry from the bowl of fruit on the tray, pressing it to his lips. He bites gently, his lips wrapping around her fingers. The juice trickles down his chin, but she swipes it up with her thumb, discarding the stem of the strawberry, and sucks off the juice herself.

He’s feels himself sink a little further. “Uh,” he mumbles. “This might do the opposite of bring me up, actually.”

“That’s alright,” she encourages, holding out a cube of melon this time. She pops it into his mouth, and he sucks a bit on the finger when it slides between his lips. “You haven’t been under in awhile. You should enjoy it.”

But he pulls back, shakes his head a little to clear it. “I wanted to talk to you. About something.”

She raises a brow calmly, holds out another piece of fruit for him. He’s never been the defiant type, and he’s quick to settle back into his role and take the fruit.

“We can talk while we do this,” she suggests. “Just tell me if you’re getting too far under and we’ll pull you back up or stop.”

“Okay,” he hums. The fruit is delicious. This time she holds out a small piece of bacon, and that’s even better. When he moans, he’s not sure if he was louder last night or now. “That’s really good.”

“You’re sweet,” she praises, eyes soft on him. He beams. He offers her a piece of cantaloupe, and she takes it with a soft kiss to his fingers.

“I need to tell you,” Nick begins, but he’s distracted as Sabrina takes a long gulp of water, tongue sliding out to wet her lips afterward.

“Hm?” She prompts. Nick refocuses.

“Sabrina, last night was...” he trails off, unable to find the word for it.

For the first time, she looks unsure. “Was it okay? Too much? Not enough?”

“It was perfect,” he finally settles on. He shifts closer to her so he can lean against her. “I’ve never felt that good before. It was amazing. You were amazing.”

“Oh,” she murmurs, grin lighting up her features. “Well, if that’s all.”

“I’m serious,” Nick says, trying to convince her. “I don’t know where or how you learned my body inside and out, but you knew exactly what to do.”

At this, Sabrina flushes a little. “Well, actually... I may have asked Ambrose for some advice.”

Nick furrows his brow a little. The fuzziness of subspace isn’t allowing him to process that to the fullest extent. “What?”

“He gave me a book, and I read the whole thing before you got here,” Sabrina admits. She gestures to her desk, where a medium-thickness, untitled, seemingly-innocent book lay. “I wanted to be prepared for you, to give you what you needed.”

Nick feels the very center of his being soften at that. “Sabrina... you are what I need.”

“Well, in that case, we’re perfect for each other,” Sabrina says, pressing a gentle kiss to his mouth. “Because you are what I need too.”

Nick smiles, pulling her in for another, deeper kiss.

“Now can I get back to feeding you?” She asks, eyes twinkling. “You are way sweeter when you’re under, Carissime.”

Nick shivers, sinking again. He feels that floaty feeling coming back to him. He remembers she was teasing him about something, but he can’t bring himself to care about what. He just smiles stupidly.

“Yes, Domina.”