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Merry Christmas, Kiss My Ass

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How fucking dare he?! 


I stormed out of the house ignoring his calls for me to wait. I’d given the last three years of my life to that man, treated him like a king and how does he repay me? He cheats on me with some tattoo-covered asshole who works in the local fucking Starbucks!


I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. Josh calling. Bastard. I hit the reject button and trudged off into the snowy night, some fucking Christmas this is gonna be.


I walked into a small bar and dropped down on a stool. “Large whiskey and keep them coming,” I told the girl who was serving. She simply shrugged and started making my drink.


They had some kind of acoustic, open mic performance thing going on as a clearly drunk girl finished the last lyrics of Mariah Carey- All I Want for Christmas Is You and stumbled off of the stage to an underwhelmed, polite round of applause.


The cute guy, who was wearing the same style t-shirt as the girl behind the bar and had been playing the guitar, came up to the mic. “Any more brave souls wanna take the plunge?” The stage lights made his mischievous eyes glisten as he brushed his bubble gum pink fringe out of them. “Come on guys it’s not hard.” 


The bar girl came back and placed my drink down in front of me. I accepted it gratefully with a smile and a nod but she continued to hover smiling suggestively. I gave her a confused look and followed where her eyes kept darting to realising instantly why no one had sat in the seat. Mistletoe


“Sorry to disappoint you but I fuck guys,” I told her bluntly. She made a small huff before disappearing off to serve someone else.



You told me I was lucky,

To have my chance with you.

Now last year's summer romance,

Is this year's winter blues.



I glanced over to the stage to see the cute guy was now singing himself. He had an amazing voice, the kind that grabbed you instantly and made you listen to it. So I did.



I treated you so nicely,

To jewellery, and champagne,

But you left me empty handed,

Yeah, you left me feeling




I didn’t recognise the song at all but it was almost comical how much I could relate to it. Fucking Josh.



Now I hope you're happy with yourself,

'cause I’m not laughing

Don’t you think it's kind of crappy

What you did this holiday?

When I gave you my heart,

You ripped it apart

Like wrapping paper trash

So I wrote you a song,

Hope that you sing along

And it goes,

"Merry Christmas, kiss my ass!"



I chuckled softly as I watched him getting into the song. It was refreshing not to have the usual sloppy Christmas crap they play at this time of year. Last Christmas my ass boo-fucking-hoo.



They say I’m losing my mind,

I thought that for a while,

I tear down decorations

They remind me of your smile.

I hate that mistletoe,

It makes me think of our first kiss,

You bit my lip, you pulled me close,

And then you taught me how to quit.


Now I hope you're happy with yourself,

'cause I’m not laughing

Don’t you think it's kind of crappy

What you did this holiday?

When I gave you my heart,

You ripped it apart

Like wrapping paper trash.

So I wrote you a song,

Hope that you sing along,

And it goes,

"Merry Christmas, kiss my (ass)"


So sick of calling,

You won’t telephone me,

No, fuck you girl, I’m going out.

I gave you my all,

But our love hit a wall, now,

I’m jingle belling,

And everyone's yelling,

We’ll drink 'til the bars shut us down.

Ain’t that just what Christmas is all about?



I found myself clapping along with a large majority of the inhabitants of the small bar. Most of which were probably drunk out of their skulls anyway but hell he was really good.



And I hope you're happy with yourself,

'cause I’m not laughing, (not laughing)

Don’t you think it's so damn trashy

What you did this holiday?

(So trashy)

I gave you my heart, (heart)

You ripped it apart

Like the wrapping paper trash (wrapping paper trash)

So I wrote you a song,

Hope that you sing along,

Here it goes,

"Merry Christmas, (bitch), kiss my ass."



He finished the song and gave a bow as everyone clapped. “You see guys it’s not hard!” He laughed before placing the guitar on a stand and switching with the girl.


I drained the rest of my drink as the hot guy approached. “You do know where you’re sat right?” He asked and I raised an eyebrow.
“Why? You gonna try tonguing me too?” He chuckled softly before adding.
“Well, actually that’s kinda how the mistletoe chair works. If you’re sat there when the bell rings you gotta kiss whoever’s on bar duty.” I blinked surprised. “Well, when does the bell ring?” The words had barely left my mouth before a clear crisp ringing filled the air.
“Every hour on the hour.”


The entire bar turned to face us and I felt my cheeks begin to heat up in the beat of silence before a muscular dark-haired cocktail waiter in a matching shirt to the cute guy began to chant “kiss, kiss, kiss.” which everyone quickly joined in with.


I turned to the cute guy, his name tag read ‘Alex’, who raised an eyebrow and I shrugged before leaning in and thankfully he met me halfway.


Our small crowd of spectators cheered as my dried chapped lips met his soft pink ones and I couldn’t help but giggle a little. I was expecting a simple peck on the lips however when our lips were still moving against one another’s what felt like an eternity later I couldn’t help but melt a little.


Wolf whistling and cries of ‘get in there' could be heard all around from the applauding onlookers but it wasn’t until I felt his tongue swipe along my bottom lip that the absurdity of the situation fully hit me and I pulled away.


After a round of applause from everyone watching everything went instantly back to normal, as though nothing had even happened. “Drink?” Alex asked not seeming at all phased by the situation. I nodded and he took my glass. “You know, I never did get your name.” I chuckled.
“Jack.” He placed the glass in front of me and smiled brightly.
“Suits you.” With a wink, he was off to serve someone else.


I’d barely been alone a few seconds before someone sat down next to me. “You must be special.” He chuckled and I raised an eyebrow.
“Oh?” He nodded.
“Yeah man, he doesn’t kiss them all like that.”


He offered me a hand “Rian.” I shook it.
“Jack. You two know each other then?” He took a mouthful of his drink nodding. “Yeah, we go way back.”


Before I could ask any more the guy who’d started the chanting came over. “You okay babe?" He asked kissing Rian’s cheek.
“Yeah I’m good, when’s your next break?” The dark guy smiled.
“Two minutes.”


The pair were interrupted by the girl who’d been on the bar originally. “Zack! You can swap spit with lover boy on your break.” The dark guy rolled his eyes before mumbling a quick “see you soon.” And heading around the tables.


My phone began to vibrate once more and I gave an irritated growl. “Fuck off,” I muttered at the screen which was once again flashing Josh calling at me. I hit the power button and switched it off. “Someone in the dog house?” Rian asked with a chuckle.
“My ex,” I muttered.


“Oh. What, lonely at Christmas kinda thing?”
“Well if the fucker didn’t want to be lonely he shouldn’t have cheated on me.” I let the venom seep into my voice a little.


“Shit man that’s awful! How long have you guys been separated?” I checked the time on the clock and was surprised at how long I’d actually been there. “’bout two hours.” He choked a little on his beer.
“Jesus! What kind of asshole cheats on someone on Christmas Eve of all days?!” I nodded and finished up my drink watching as Alex pottered around behind the bar humming to the latest attempt at singing and swaying his hips ever so slightly. That ass though.


We continued to chat and Zack joined us for the duration of his break. Both of them had been to school with Alex so knew each other very well and the three were even in a band together.


When the bell rang for the second time since I’d arrived I jumped out of my skin which made Rian laugh. “Back for round two are we?” He smirked as he strutted over and I rolled my eyes “I thought someone else would have been on bar duty by now.” I joked and he quirked an eyebrow.
“I can always go get Taylor for you.” He said indicating the girl who’d been on earlier. I visibly grimaced which made him chuckle. “Thought not.”


Our lips met for the second time this evening without a prompt from the significantly less interested crowd.


The evening continued with me getting steadily drunker and chatting with Rian who was a really nice guy and Alex and Zack when they were free to chat with us. I managed to forget about everything that had happened before me walking in here and enjoy myself. I even let Rian convince me to do a song with him.


We got up on the tiny stage and murdered Blink-182 –I Won’t Be Home for Christmas but rocked out regardless. The crowd seemed to enjoy themselves even though neither of us could sing a note.


“Dude we rocked!” He giggled as we collapsed into random non-mistletoed bar stools.
“Are you kidding? We were shit! This is why I play the guitar!” I cried and he perked up even more.
“You play guitar?!” I nodded and he actually squealed.


“Dude we need another guitarist! You should totally join us, man! I mean providing you can keep your hands off Alex long enough to play.” I felt my cheeks heat up.


“Whose hands are where now?” The man in question appeared behind us now wearing a pair of antlers that lit up like a disco and a tinsel scarf. “What are you wearing?” I asked but he simply plonked a Santa hat on each of us and handed us a couple of party poppers before heading off to the other drinkers.


I gave Rian a confused look and he laughed and shook his head. “Dude it’s an hour to twelve. You let the poppers off at midnight to celebrate Christmas day.”


Taylor appeared in front of us now apparently back to serving on the bar. She held a tray of vodka shots which she offered to us. “All shots are now free until closing.” She said as we both took one from the tray before she disappeared off.


We both gave each other a look before I shrugged. “On three.” He nodded eyeing the glass like it might bite him. “One… two…three.” We both downed the lethal liquid and I coughed a little after. “Well if I’m gonna be doing shot’s I might as well do something I actually like.” He exclaimed. We ended up drinking Jager bombs.


At two minutes to twelve, Alex and Zack joined us, both armed with party poppers of their own.


I decided to check my phone and was instantly bombarded with 45 missed calls and 26 messages all with different variations of apologies and 'I still love you' in them. I rolled my eyes and deleted them all.


“Who’s that?” Alex asked reading over my shoulder.
“My ex,” I told him and his eyes widened.


“Damn what he did to apologies that many times?” He quirked an eyebrow.
“Well, when I got home earlier I found him balls deep in another guy.” His jaw dropped.
“What a douchebag.” He said and I laughed at the mildly juvenile insult.


A wicked grin spread over his face and he snatched the phone out of my hand. “Hey, what are yo-”


He cut me off by grabbing the back of my neck and pulling me into a kiss.


I heard the distinct click of a camera and then he let me go before tapping away on the phone and handing it back to me. I burst out laughing at what he’d done.


He’d text the picture to Josh with the caption ‘Merry Christmas, kiss my ass!’  


“You are brilliant.” I exclaimed and he shrugged.
“I try.” I shook my head but smiled anyway.


The more I stared at the picture the more I realised how much I wanted it.


Ten… Nine… Eight. 


Zack pulled Rian into a sweet embrace and I found myself having to look away.


Seven… Six… Five… Four.


Fuck it.


I wrapped an arm around Alex’s waist, catching him by surprise, and crashed our lips together.


A small gasp escaped his lips and I took the opportunity to slip my tongue into his mouth for the first time this evening. It was like fireworks exploding through my entire body as I completely melted into it pulling him closer and wrapping my arms around him whilst he tangled his hands in my hair. “Jack.” He moaned into it making me smirk. 


Three… Two…One… Happy Christmas!


Party poppers exploded all around us as the clock struck midnight and it officially became Christmas day.


He pulled away and we were both breathless but grinning like idiots. “Merry Christmas Jack.”