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Should, Can’t, and Won’t Are Very Different Things

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When Clarke raises the gun, hot tears stream down her cheeks, “Don’t make me do this,” she sobs.

Bellamy’s face hardens behind his anguish, “You’re not going to shoot me Clarke. I’m sorry.” Bellamy raises the book to hand it to one of the decipels.

A sob wrenches out of Clarke’s throat when she pulls the trigger. First, shooting the two decipels, and then aiming back at Bellamy.

“Please.” Hot tears continue to stream down her face and she can barely see straight, lip quivering. The gun shaking in her hands.

“Clarke, put the gun down. We both know you are going to have to kill me for this book.” There is hope behind his dark eyes.
Clarke steadies her hands and aims the gun, cocking it.

“You’re wrong.” She shoots his shin and races towards him. She wrenches the book out of his hands and drags him toward the Anomaly, “Even if-“ She adjusts her grip, “you betrayed all of us. I won’t murder my best friend.” They make it to the green light and they appear in the woods.

When they make it through the portal they both grunt. Bellamy is sitting leaning back between Clarke’s legs, back facing her. Their friends are surrounding them, questioning and shocked looks on their faces, “Miller! Murphy! Hold him down!”

“What the hell happened?!” Murphy yells. Clarke sobs a bit and throws Madi her sketchbook.

“Burn it! Now!” Clarke gasps for breath while she cuts through the ankle of Bellamy’s pants beneath his robe. Blood red on white blinding her vision.

“Jordan, go get a first aid kit from the bunker! Niylah, go with him and try to find some Moonshine or any sterilizer. Hurry!” Everyone jumps into action. Taking orders from Clarke.

Octavia helps Madi start the fire for her sketchbook. Bellamy let’s out a heart wrenching scream.

“No! Don’t burn it! It needs to get to the Shepherd!” His leg jerks almost kicking Clarke.

“Bellamy, so help me god! If you don’t stop babbling that nonsense, I’ll gag you!” Clarke says glaring but still shaking.

Echo walks over to Clarke. “What the hell happened to him?” Clarke looks up and stares at her, “I-“ She gets cut off.

“She shot me!” Bellamy growls. Clarke looks to Bellamy anger overtaking her.

“You’re lucky it was just your shin! I could’ve killed you!” She bellows, she shakes with fear, anger, and grief all at once.

“Oh please! You and I both know that’s not true, you didn’t do it the first time you wouldn’t have now!” He roars. Clarke just looks at him, shoulders falling.

“You’re so wrong, Bellamy. Last time... I couldn’t even imagine shooting you, there was nothing for me to be angry about. I knew you and you were just trying to save your sister. Now? Now, I have so many things to be angry at you about. This time I pictured myself shooting you and it being the right thing. But, no! My fucking heart decided no. ‘You would probably kill yourself with grief. Everyone would hate you because you killed your best friend-‘“ Clarke’s voice breaks and she lets out a sob. She wraps her arms around her stomach and gasps for air. “Everyone would hate ME because I killed my best friend. Even I would hate myself. I can imagine it. Me hating myself and grieving for you to the point where I kill myself. Because I’m despicable. My dad is dead, Wells is dead, I killed Finn, I’m the reason Lexa died, I killed my own MOTHER! What else do I need to have validation to kill myself? How much longer do I have to fight? How many more people I love will die? When will the Universe decide, ‘Okay, I think you’ve gone through enough.’ When!?” Clarke sobs, more hot tears streaming down her face, gasping for air. Bellamy just sits there and watches her. Clarke stands up wiping her eyes, taking a deep breath.

“Clarke I have the first aid, and Niylah has the moonshine!” He tosses her the kit and she sits back down. Focusing on her work. Niylah places the moonshine next to her. She knows everyone is watching her. Honestly, she doesn’t really care. Everyone already knew that about her, except maybe Gabriel. Jackson walks behind Clarke, placing a hand on her shoulder.

“I’ll sterilize the tools.” He says reassuringly.

“Cadogan took a nano tracker and left. He said he had no interest of being here.” Gaia spoke.

Clarke is washing Bellamy’s bullet wound with the moonshine. Clarke stops cuts another piece of cloth, this time from his robe (because it’s thicker) and gives it to him. He takes it and bites down on it. Clarke takes the necessary tools from Jackson after cleaning her hands again.

“You might want to look away for this, Bell.” She says calmly. He nods and looks towards the trees. Clarke doesn’t give him a warning. Maybe it’s on purpose, maybe she just forgets. When she pulls the bullet out she wraps it in cloth. She washes his wound again and then carefully uses the first aid bandages to wrap it up. Clarke stands up, wipes her hands on her pants and walks further into the woods. When she takes a deep breath she knows everyone watching her from a far, her figure slowly disappearing. There’s a river she makes it to and she sits by the water. Clarke takes in a deep breath, falling onto her back on the rocks, looking up to the sun. Feeling the warmth of it is calming, and she closes her eyes.

 

——

 

“Well if your relationship before was confusing, it sure as hell just got worse.” Raven says abruptly. Bellamy rolls his eyes.

“So, absolutely none of you think I’m sane do you?” He sighs. Jordan speaks up.

“Well actually, I do think there is some sort of thing to transcend. Definitely not whatever the hell your Shepherd believes, but there is something.” Jordan smiles.

“You actually think there’s a way to transcend?” Bellamy says doubtfully, looking down.

“Yes. I think it may be a test.” Jordan says matter of factly, “A test that someone will take to represent mankind.”

“And if we pass we will go to the light and fight no more.” Bellamy says.

“Exactly. It’s not a war. It’s a test.” Jordan clarifies.

“That actually makes way more sense.” Bellamy says calmly.

“The problem is, you choose to transcend when the time comes, and some people don’t even get the option they are chosen to stay. If you choose to stay you will not be able to transcend when you die.” Jordan looks down. “I’m not sure I want to transcend.”

“What?! Why not?” Bellamy questions. Jordan looks him straight in the eye.

“I’ve been on a ship for 26 years and I kind of want to experience life a bit. Even if that means I don’t go to the light or whatever.” Raven walks up to Jordan and puts a hand on his shoulder.

“Well! If you don’t transcend then we don’t transcend. Honestly it sounds amazing to live on Earth with just our little group. That is real transcendence.”

“Well I know for sure I’m not transcending.” Clarke deadpanned, scaring everyone a little bit with how quiet she was. Murphy laughs and puts an arm around her shoulder.

“I know I’m not either! Remember when I died? Yeah. Didn’t look too bright to me,” He smiled at Clarke, “Besides, us cockroaches gotta stick together.” Clarke laughs and pushes him off of her, rolling her eyes.

Bellamy looks at everyone and frowns. He looks down and fidgets with his finger nails. A small hand rests on his shoulder. Bellamy looks up to find Madi.

“What do you say Bellamy? You going to live on Earth with us? Or are you going to spend time with a bunch of privileged pricks?” Bellamy’s eyebrows furrow. ‘How could I have thought about handing her over to Cadogan? They would have killed her.’ Her freckled face and bright blue eyes are smiling at him. He smiles back.

“Yeah, kid. I will.”

“Alright good! Because I know that passcode.” Everyone’s head whips to her. “What? If you had a person in your head telling you very specific symbols were important, you’d listen too.”

“Alright, so who wants to represent mankind.” Jordan says.

“I nominate Raven!” Clarke says cheerily, “I told you before, you are probably one of the best people I know.”

“I second that.” Bellamy says.

“Well say no more, the princess and the rebel king have spoken!” Murphy declares. Everyone laughs and makes they’re way to the bunker where the anomaly is.

“Raven we don’t know what will happen when you get in there. Just trust your gut.” Clarke says. Raven nods.

“You can do this okay? Your the smartest person I know.” Bellamy hugs her. Tears prick at her eyes.

“Thanks Blake, but I gotta go.” Bellamy laughs and pats her back.

“You ready?” Jordan asks.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” He nods and the portal opens. She puts her helmet of and walks through. The portal closes.

“Well? What should we do while we wait?” Emori asks.

“I think I have a few people to talk to.” Bellamy says, a sad look on his face.

“Well, I guess I’ll go first.” Octavia volunteers, smiling at her older brother. He smiles back at her.

After a long heartfelt and tear filled brother-sister reunion they emerged from the trees an arm slung over Octavias shoulders as they bickered like children.

“Bellamy, we need to talk.” Echo says in a serious tone. Bellamy stops short and nods, following her. When Clarke looks at them her heart pulls a little, jealousy is not a good feeling. Especially when it involves someone you care deeply for.

When they come back they seemed distant still, but smiles on their faces none the less. Bellamy holds out his hand to Clarke, motioning her to follow him. Clarke steps up and takes his hand, they walk until they reach the river.

“I’m sorry,” Bellamy whispers, voice breaking, “I should have never put you in that position. I just- God, I just wanted to save everyone so bad that I-“ He sighs out a breath. “I wanted peace so bad. I wanted so badly to end it all and to just go home. When I saw my mother and the storm stop, I thought that if I just believed like those nut cases it would have worked. When it did I actually fell into their belief, like I was hypnotized. I believed in it so much that I became a sheep for a selfish shepherd. I believed in it so much, that I almost killed the people I love.” Tears have already started streaming down his freckled cheeks. His throat is tight and he closes his eyes, looking down. Clarke steps up to him.

“Bell. Look at me.” Bellamy refuses to pull his head up. Clarke’s hands cup his jaw and force him gently to look at her. “I’m sorry too. I should have at least tried to believe you. You are my best friend and I said I wouldn’t lose sight of you being my family-,” She sobs, “But, I did and I am so sorry.”

Bellamy’s gaze falls onto her lips quivering. His hands reach hers and pulls them down to his neck. He reaches for her cheek and looks sincerely into her eyes. “Princess I- God I’m so stupid. I love you so fucking much. I’ve loved you for so fucking long and I couldn’t even tell you.” Clarke nods and her hands play absently with the curls on the back of his neck.

“I love you too Bell, I have for a while. Even with Lexa, I knew I would still have a stupid attachment to you that I never understood.” He frowns at her and a hand lands on her waist pulling her closer. Clarke pulls him down and their lips are inches apart. He breathes and theirs lips meet. Instantly he knows that this is what it’s always supposed to have felt like. All those years of being with other people and never has it felt like this. Fireworks, but soft. They kiss in desperation, Clarke’s hands find his curls, and Bellamy pulls her closer almost lifting her up. Clarke pulls back and breathes, her lips parted.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this.” Bellamy whispers. Clarke wraps her arms around him and buries her face into his neck.

“I have a few ideas.” She breathes out. Bellamy laughs and his arms tighten around her.

Chapter Text

Hey guys this is just an update. I really want to finish this and I’ve been trying to in my free time. My family is getting a puppy and I have to help take care of her. I also have to get my grades up before the end of term so I will be trying to get the next chapter out whenever I can. I loved the feedback on the first chapter and I hope you’ll continue reading.

Lots of love and stay safe.

Chapter Text

It takes Clarke and Bellamy almost up to an hour to finally pull away from each other. When they are on their way back to the others they have their arms wrapped around each other, Bellamy whispering sweet nothings into Clarke’s ear. Clarke keeps giggling and she can’t even believe her own ears.

“What the hell did we miss?” Murphy asks. Clarke looks to Echo and immediately she feels a bit of guilt. Then it switches when her and Gabriel are sitting fairly close to one another, kind of fighting, but in a flirty way. Clarke smiles and tightens her arm around Bellamy.

“Well, you missed Bellamy and I making up, having our long awaited kiss, and finally getting together.” Bellamy laughs and buries his face into the top of Clarke’s head, kissing her.

“Oh thank god! I thought the two of you would never get together, and that is solely because you two are too stubborn and stupid to admit your feelings.” Madi rants out. Everyone looks at her in disbelief. She laughs, “What, you think it was a coincidence that I recognized Bellamy almost immediately even though he looked different. She drew him all the time! I mean it was adorable, but you know I told her Octavia was my favorite.” Clarke’s face flushes and Octavia let’s out a loud laugh.

“Bell how many times have I called you out?! A lot! And I just want to say, I saw it immediately, back at the drop ship even.” Octavia cackles. Murphy joins in chuckling.

“Yeah I’m pretty sure that everyone at the drop ship except Finn knew that you guys were hopelessly falling for one another.” Murphy teases.

“Yeah, when you guys weren’t around Monty and Jasper would call you guys mom and dad.” Raven says. Everyone stops and runs to her. Emori gets to her first, her thin arms squeezing her tightly.

“How did it go? Did everyone else transcend?” Clarke’s heart is pounding, Bellamy’s hand rubs soothing circles onto her lower back, she leans back into his touch.

“Well I hope so, there was someone to talk to me. It wasn’t the actual person, but it took their form. They were convinced by me and said that the human race would transcend, but if we truly wished we could stay behind.” Raven beams and Clarke feels a rushing sense of pride for this girl. “Someone else wanted to come with us. The person told me that their heart was true, but in transcendence it wavered in wanting it. Obviously I hadn’t known who it was at the time, but I said of course because who are we to let someone go where they’re miserable.” When she finishes explaining white flashes great contrast against the green. Next thing Clarke knows Octavia is rushing to the figure. Her form almost tackles the man. Clarke feel Bellamy’s hand tighten on her, almost to let her know, ‘It’s okay. He’s a friend.’ Clarke relaxes.

“I thought I’d never see you again, Levitt.” Octavia whispers. His arms wrap around her and they melt into each other.

“You can’t get rid of me that easy. Even if you did punch me.” He laughs out.

No one questions the closeness of the two, and are frankly just happy for Octavia.

“So, the world is ours. What should we do?” Clarke asks in a daze. Bellamy kisses the side of her head.

“I think what everyone needs right now is a good few days of nothing.” Jackson says tiredly. Everyone smiles and each pair up with their person and go to the bunker to find their rooms.

“Hey kid? Why don’t you and I bunk together? I think Clarke and Blake need some alone time.” Raven suggests to Madi. Madi smiles and follows her.

“Okay! Maybe I can teach you how to make temporary hair dye out of berries!” Raven laughs and their voices fade out as they walk down the hall.

Bellamy picks Clarke up and hoists her over his shoulder. “Bellamy! What are you- Put me down!” She tries to suppress her giggles as he carries her down the hall to a room she guesses he picked. He laughs softly when he opens the door. Bellamy lays Clarke down gently on the bed. He stands back up and heads to one of the drawers in the room.

“Hey. There are some softer clothes if you want them to sleep in.” When Bellamy looks back at Clarke she is nodding her head, but doesn’t seem to want to move from her position. Bellamy picks out a larger shirt (probably meant for a male) and a pair of loose sweatpants. He looks at her holding them up, “You want these?”

“The shirt yes. The sweats no, I don’t necessarily like sleeping in pants. Unless it’s cold.” Clarke explains. Bellamy nods and picks out another pair of larger sweats for him. He walks to the edge of the bed and Clarke moves closer, “Can you change me, Bell?” Bellamy’s heart flutters.

“Of course. What my princess wants is what she shall receive.” Bellamy kneels and undoes her boots, sliding them off gently. He stands and places kisses to her cheeks. Clarke instinctively leans closer to him. Bellamy undoes the button on her jeans and carefully slips them off of her. Softly, he presses his lips to each of her knees before his fingers reach her sides. He slides the jacket off of her shoulders and drops it on the pile along with her jeans. When his warm hands make it to the hem of her blue t-shirt they slightly brush against her skin and she shivers. Bellamy slowly lifts her shirt up and over her head, only leaving her in her underwear and bra. “You are so beautiful Clarke.” His lips brush softly against her forehead. Bellamy takes the large shirt and gently slides it over her head. While Clarke’s hands aren’t through the sleeves yet she reaches behind her to unclasp her bra. She sighs in relief and pushes her arms through the sleeves.

“Thank you Bell.” She says warmly. He smiles at her and turns around. Bellamy walks over to the dresser again and grabs the sweats he picked out. He unbuttons his robe and slides it off himself, along with the pants that were underneath. He slips the sweats on and turns towards the bed. He finds Clarke shyly smiling at him. “You know, I really hate white on you.” Bellamy smiles and walks over to her, leaning down.

“Well, then I should definitely never wear it again.” He says playfully, before leaning in and kissing her softly. Clarke giggles against his mouth and wraps her arms around his neck. Bellamy’s arms wrap around her waist and he pulls her further up the bed. Clarke pulls away to look at him.

“Can we just sleep tonight? In each others arms? I am so tired, Bell. I just want to be able to cuddle with you.” Clarke says in a soft voice, almost whispering. Bellamy pulls the comforter over them and kisses Clarke’s forehead.

“Whatever you want, Princess.” He mumbles into her hair. She smiles before she feels herself start slipping into dreams of warmth and safety.

 

——

 

Clarke wakes up first. When hers eyes open she is greeted by Bellamy’s closed eyes along with the freckles dusting his tanned skin. Quickly she realizes that her leg is hooked around Bellamy’s waist and a hard pressure is pressed against her center. Clarke bites her lip when her body fills with a pool of warmth and need. She resists the urge to cant her hips toward Bellamy’s. Clarke’s cheeks flush and she feels overwhelmed by the need to be with him. Clarke’s hand reached up and she brushes her hand across his cheek, swiping her fingers across his freckled face. His eyes flutter slightly, eyelids heavy from sleep. They widen when he picks up Clarke’s low whine.

“Are you okay?” Bellamy rushes. Clarke nods, her eyes are hooded and glazed over. He feels warmth against his member and his hips almost grind forward. Clarke’s brows furrow when she looks back to him.

“I need you.” She whispers, her voice thick with lust. Bellamy swallows, reaching down. His hand grazes her thigh.

“Can I touch you?” He asks is a soft voice. Clarke nods and her hips grind forward to meet his touch. Bellamy’s warm fingers reach her underwear and it has been soaked through. His eyes widen and he looks at her, “You’re soaked.” Bellamy says breathlessly. Clarke nods and whines.

“Please, Bell.” She says in a small voice. Bellamy’s fingers push past her underwear and glide through her folds. Clarke moans and pushes herself forward.

“Is this all for me, Princess?” He asks, his voice thick and rough. Clarke nods, whining again. Bellamy pushes Clarke onto her back as he leans over her. He slips her underwear down her legs and throws them with the rest of their clothes. Clarke feels so overwhelmed, so happy, and turned on. Bellamy presses kisses down her neck while his fingers rub her center. He slowly pushes a finger into her and Clarke moans out at the feeling. Bellamy smiles and groans at the feeling of her walls clenching around his finger. “You’re so tight Clarke. So perfect.” Bellamy groans out. Clarke pulls her shirt over her head and she is completely naked and on display for Bellamy. He moans at the sight of her and presses hot, messy kisses down her body.

Clarke feels the warmth from his lips spreading throughout her body. “Kiss me, Bell. Please.” Bellamy looks her in the eyes and sees her pleading for him. Bellamy lifts her legs over his shoulders and leans towards her hot center. He places a soft kiss against her clit and then sucks at it softly. Clarke moans out and grips his hair. Bellamy groans at her pulling his hair and it sends vibrations up her body. He blows cold air softly to her opening and she arches forward a silent gasp falling from her lips.

Bellamy and Clarke’s eyes lock on each other, both hooded with lust. A wolfish grin spreads across his face before he presses a finger past her entrance. His head leans down to suck on her clit softly. Clarke mewls and tugs his hair harder pulling him further towards her center.

“I’m going to add another finger. You think you can take it?” He asks in a low voice, hoarse from lust. Clarke nods frantically and almost whines out loud for him to continue. Bellamy pushes a second finger into her and her whole body pulses. Clarke pushes herself down onto his fingers, grinding her clit against his mouth. He groans out against her core and she squeals.

“Please! Bell, I need you.” She pants out. Bellamy looks up at her and she pulls him into a searing kiss. Clarke moans at the taste of herself on his tongue. Bellamy grinds towards her center and they both moan out. He maneuvers his sweats down his legs along with his underwear. Clarke takes him into her hand and lines him up, “Bell, it’s been a while since- well since I’ve- I haven’t-“ She gets cut off from her rambling.

“Since you’ve taken a cock?” He questions. Her breath hitches and her face flushes. Clarke nods. Bellamy tilts his head at her, “Weren’t you with Cillian that night on Sanctum?” His eyebrows furrow.

“Um, well. We didn’t actually have sex? We just did other things. I wouldn’t have let anyone I didn’t trust take me. Not after what Finn did.” She sighs and looks him in the eyes. “Finn was the only guy I had ever had sex with. I thought- I thought he-“ Bellamy silences her with a soft kiss. He looks down to her and smiles. His chocolate brown eyes swirling with fondness.

“I love you okay? I will never forget that again. I’ll be gentle, I promise. Although I might be a little bigger than your used to.” He smirks. Clarke giggles, it soon turns into a gasp. Bellamy pushes into her slowly and her breath hitches, “Relax Princess. Just breathe.” Clarke does as told and takes in easy breaths. Once he’s fully seated inside her she feels so full, it’s like she could pop. Her walls burn, but it’s the good kind. She’s so utterly surrounded by Bellamy she feels like she could cry, “Jesus, your so tight Princess.”

“You can move now.” To show him she’s okay she grinds against him. Bellamy growls and bucks hard against her. Clarke let’s out a loud moan. Bellamy buries his face into Clarke’s neck, sucking a bruising kiss where everyone could see. Clarke sighs against his lips on her neck. He sets a slow pace for her, not sure how she’ll respond. Clarke, however wants more, “Harder.” She tells. Bellamy obliges and he thrusts his hips into hers harder. Clarke writhes against him and is begging for him.

“Bell! Ah- Please. Don’t stop.” She begs him for him to move harder and faster. Bellamy being the good little knight he is listens to her every request.

Fuck, Clarke. You feel so good. You like taking a cock? You like being impaled by my cock?” Bellamy loses himself in the feeling of Clarke. Clarke cries out for him, sobs his name, over and over again. Bellamy slips his hand up to her mouth and covers it, “Shh, you don’t want everyone- Fuck- to hear you. Shit your so tight.” Clarke’s walls clench around him over and over, hot and tight. Bellamy groans out at the feeling of her. Just Clarke.

Clarke squeals against his hand. She reaches her own hand down between them and rubs furiously at her clit. There has been an intense swirling heat pooling in her stomach for a while and now she feels the need to finish it. Clarke’s back arches and her chest brushes against his. Clarke cries out and Bellamy returns to her neck, sucking even more bruises. Bellamy feels her walls throb erratically around his cock.

“That’s right Princess, come for me, come on my cock.” Clarke sobs against his hand and finally she hears him growl out into her neck. A wrecked sob tears itself through Bellamy’s throat and the next thing Clarke knows is that he’s filling her up completely.

“I love you Bell, so much.” She sighs out, completely and utterly spent. Bellamy slips out of her and rests her head on his chest. He moves her stray hair from her forehead to behind her ear and presses a kiss to her nose.

“I love you Princess. Forever.”