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Fire // Ice

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Fire.

Smoke filling our lungs, obscuring our vision. I cannot breathe, both for the acrid smoke and for the realization of what I have done.

 

I cannot return to you now, Finno. My father and brothers made sure of that, prevented me from sending the ships back for you, for you father, for your people. I wish I could tell you that I had no part in burning the ships. I could not stop them, but I stood aside, for all the good that did. At least you may return and beg forgiveness, for I cannot. There is no hope of redemption for us now, my father may not see clearly, but I do. We have gone too far, and I am glad that I can no longer drag you into our chaos.

You have another chance, where I do not.

I hope you know that you were everything to me, that it was real, and that I will never forgive myself for what I have done to you.

I have made a kinslayer out of you, but they will forgive you. If you plead to the Valar, tell them I manipulated you, then you shall be redeemed; I am cursed to destroy all that I love. If it were possible, I would return to you in a heartbeat. I would always come for you, and I hope you know that.

 

I just want you to be safe, Finno. That is all I ever wanted for you.

And I hope you can forgive me.

 


 

Ice.

Cold seeping through our bodies, gnawing at our bones. Yet it does not hurt as much as your betrayal.

 

And I know that you will not return for me. You and your father and all your brothers have made that perfectly clear. We could see the ships burning, you know. You destroyed our only hope; our chance of survival went up in flames, just like my love for you. You’ve gone too far this time, and I was a fool for thinking you would come for me.

How many more innocents have to die in your family’s foolish quest for vengeance? You’ve condemned us all, you know. I doubt that many of us will make it to the other side, if any of us do. We have already lost numerous of our people to the ice.

Was it all lies, Maitimo? Cruel intent and manipulation, disguised by soft words, gentle caresses, and a pretty face? You are more like your father than I realised.

Was I not good enough for you?

You have made a kinslayer out of me, and should I die on this frozen wasteland that your cursed family forced us onto, then you have doomed me too. I did it for you, and I did not even question it. I would have done anything for you, but then, you knew that. I hope you are satisfied.

 

Only one thing is clear to me now.

Loving you was a losing game.