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Loki had only been a few days on Midgard and already he was having fun. He had found the most entertaining human, a guy in his fifties with grey hair and a food fixation called Anthony. Loki had considered killing him, but changed his mind soon enough. When he wasn’t eating, Tony was showing him all the amazing (if rustic) ways humans hunted and exploded things.

Today Tony had brought him to an open field full of cars and old things.

“You see, you press this trigger and fire comes out, you can burn almost anything you want with it,” Tony was saying as he held out a snake-like tube with an ending very similar to the gun he had shown him the day before.

“Like a fire pistol,” Loki said. He was starting to understand how Earth’s elements worked. This was useful knowledge.

“Yeah, exactly. When I’m burning the top of my custards I always imagine I’m holding one of these. But there’s nothing like the real thing. Go ahead and burn something, I swear, it’s as satisfying as a quick fuck in a bathroom at lunch time,” Tony assured him, with a hand on his shoulder.

“Do I hear something about quick fucks?” someone asked, and Loki turned around to find a man in a suit, sunglasses and tousled brown hair waving at Tony.

“Robert! How did you know I was here?” Tony asked, shaking his hand and offering him a go at his own fire-pistol-thing.

“Your manager told me. Ah, thanks, no,” Robert answered, a mischievous smile creeping up his lips as he threw an arm over Tony’s shoulders, “I prefer actual sex.”

Tony laughed and patted his chest. “Don’t I know. Hey, let me introduce you to this really creepy and interesting guy, his name is Loki. He actually prefers blowing things up”.

Loki shook the hand held out at him, eyeing them both dubiously. This Robert didn’t seem too bad either. As far as humans went, of course. He might not kill him just yet.

“That’s... some really cool clothes,” Robert said, grabbing at his cape to inspect the rest of his outfit. One hand touched his shoulder then his chest – and lingered there for way longer than necessary – and then he turned back to Tony. “Hey, let’s get sushi tonight. Bring your friend,” he invited, turning back to look at him. There was that predatory smile again.

“Sure, why not. Do you like sushi, Loki?” Tony asked and Loki could swear Tony had a hand suspiciously low on Robert’s back.

“I like anything as long as it has knives,” he answered. What the hell was a sushi?

“Ooh, I think we’ll be great friends,” Robert said, and Tony’s smile turned just as crooked as Robert’s.

He shrugged. Why not. He had nothing better to do until his plan for world domination was concluded. And perhaps he could grant these two humans a place in his palace. He’d certainly eat better than Volstagg ever had.

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Everything was going surprisingly well at the sushi dinner. Tony had ordered the best sushi he could find on the menu and even insisted on joining the cook behind the counter to check out his top level sushi knives.

“Amazing knives,” Tony declared as the first batch of sashimi was brought to the table. Robert had to admit the food looked superb.

“Better than mine?” Loki asked, eyeing the sashimi suspiciously. He tried some of it nonetheless and didn’t seem displeased with the taste.

Tony looked at Robert. He shrugged.

“Well,” Tony replied around a mouthful of sashimi, “There’s no better way to know than testing, right? Why don’t you eat until you burst and then go play?”

Robert, who was sitting right in front of Tony and had a privileged view of Loki’s face, was pretty sure his good friend Tony couldn’t see the effect those words had on Loki. His whole expression morphed into something between deeply satisfied and downright sadistic.

Sure enough, as soon as Tony was slouching with his elbows stretched out on the back of his chair and Robert was pouring the last of the sake into both their cups, Loki got up, slowly, absolutely smooth, and looked around.

“Do you think he’s going to kill anyone?” Robert asked, leaning on the table conspiratorially.

“Oh, with Loki you never know. But I hope he uses those knives of his. Have you seen them?”

“Not yet, but something tells me I’m about to,” Robert replied with a smile as Loki made his way to the counter.

It was like someone had pressed “mute” on the entire restaurant. One minute there was the background noise of a dozen conversations and the next everyone was watching Loki hold two lean sushi knives, one in each hand, feeling their weight and testing their grip. Then, in the blink of an eye, both knives flew to the farther end of the restaurant, successfully pinning a rich looking man’s jacket to the wall. With him in it.

Someone raised the volume again and everything happened at once. There was hysterical screaming all around them, people running and punching each other to get through the door first. The restaurant’s staff disappeared into the kitchen, probably taking the back door.

“Mine are better,” Loki said dismissively as he looked around the cooking instruments available all around him. He picked up smaller knives and looked out the glass window to the street, where a crowd was gathering.

“I think I’m getting hard,” Tony said as he sat sideways on his chair, shoulders resting against the wall and feet propped up on the chair Loki had been sitting on. “Sushi and knives, it’s my wet dream come true”.

“Hmm. I wish I had my suit here,” Robert said wistfully, watching Loki play darts with the people on the street. It was a challenge, after all they were moving targets.

“You are wearing a suit,” Tony provided helpfully, rolling his eyes.

“No, I mean my suit. My Iron Man suit,” Robert clarified.

That caught Tony’s attention. “Your Iron Man suit? You mean—“

“Yeah, I am the Iron Man, you know. I also go by the name of Tony Stark. I can do all the cool shit Loki’s doing when I’m in my suit—well, except that.” Loki was currently trying to manipulate the fire from the stove and not succeeding. It kept turning into a pile of ice. “My genius doesn’t allow me to fuck up that much”.

Tony was still looking at him as if he couldn’t quite believe it. “You have the Iron Man suit? In your possession?”

“Hell yeah.”

Tony let his head fall against the wall, closed his eyes and sighed. “Now I’m definitively hard”.

“We could always check out the bathroom,” Robert suggested. “It doesn’t look like Loki has destroyed it yet”. ‘Yet’ was the key word. Loki had disappeared into the kitchen and he certainly wasn’t cooking anything nice in there.

“Are you kidding?” Tony asked, incredulous, prying one eye open. “I’m completely full. I won’t budge until the roof falls on my head. Plus, I want to watch Loki throw his own knives.”

That was a good point, Robert had to concede. There was an explosion in the kitchen that made the tables shake and the glasses shatter and Loki showed up again, two huge flames burning on top of his upturned hands. He was finally getting how to work with fire.

“Hey, Loki, you should try setting your knives on fire. Same knife, twice the damage,” Robert shouted at Loki’s general direction.

Loki’s brow went up. He hadn’t considered that. Then his lip quirked. He liked the idea.

Two seconds later the building across the street was lit up like a Christmas three. Tony groaned as people started screaming again, running in opposite directions, with the distant sound of sirens as the background.

Robert smirked and slouched on his chair, just enough to take off his expensive shoe and rub his foot on Tony’s crotch.

He got another groan in return, a deeper one this time, and Tony’s head hit the wall with a soft thud.

“Sushi, fire and a footjob. I must have died and gone to heaven,” he said contentedly as he watched Robert’s foot move slowly.

“You can’t be in Heaven, Loki’s here,” Robert stated nonchalantly. Tony hadn’t been lying, he really was hard. His breath was heavier and he made a small noise of need when Robert pressed his foot more firmly, just bordering on uncomfortable. He knew Tony liked it rough. And he liked to play with Tony. He was fun.

“Fuck, yeah,” he breathed, and something else exploded on the other side of the street. A car, by the looks of it. Loki seemed to like make cars fly. “I think I’m hearing sirens. Are there cops outside?”

“Not yet, but I think they’re on their way,” Robert replied, and to stress his point, he retreated his foot. “So I guess we should go get Loki and get out of here.”

“Oh, come on! I can’t believe you’re doing this,” Tony complained. He looked really mad. Robert liked that. “You’re ruining my wet dream.”

“Oh, I’m sure you can take care of it better than me. You’re more… at hand,” he said, setting his elbow on the table and his hand on his cheek, just to get his point across.

“You’re an asshole, you know that?” Tony grumbled, but his hands were busy opening his zipper and then disappearing under the fabric of his boxers. Robert couldn’t see very well – the table blocked most of his view – but it was pretty obvious what was going on, if not through Tony’s movements, then in his expression of focused pleasure.

A few more explosions outside caught Robert’s attention for a second. Was that a fire truck wiping out an entire line of cars? They really had to get the hell away from there soon. He pushed the table to his left side, just enough to slide his chair right next to Tony’s. He lifted a hand and his fingers threaded through the grey curls, fisting some at the base of his neck to pull him closer.

“Have you ever done this in a restaurant before, Tony?” he whispered into Tony’s ear and he felt him shiver.

“Not like this,” he replied, gasping, and now Robert could see his hand moving faster just as his eyes followed Loki outside, setting yet more stuff on fire. Robert let his other hand slip under his shirt to rake his nails on his chest. “Ah, fuck, that’s—“

“Awesome, I know,” he continued, hand still exploring Tony’s skin as he pulled his head back, exposing his neck to his ministrations. Tony whimpered as he sucked on the sensitive skin below his jaw.

“Loki is quite impressive, I can tell you that. And he does seems to push your buttons,” Robert mused aloud, and he lifted his foot and stroke it against his cock again, briefly, “…hard”.

Tony replied with a deep moan and panted, clasping one hand around his knee as the other worked erratically to bring him relief. He seemed close now, eyes closed and lips parted to let out soft sounds of pleasure as Robert licked and nibbled on his ear shell.

Suddenly, materializing out of thin air, Loki was right there again, completely covered in soot and dirt, both hands holding his knives which were now blazing with flames. He looked at them both and smirked.

Robert was afraid the guy was going to kill them on the spot, but Tony didn’t even flinch as Loki let go of one of the blades, grabbed a fistful of Tony’s hair - far less gently than Robert had - and murmured in his ear, “You’re right. This is as satisfying as a quick fuck. But there’s nothing better than both at the same time. I’ll show you later”.

Robert only had time to feel Tony shudder violently against him, gasping for air as he came, before Loki teleported them away from the completely destroyed restaurant, now swarming with cops and firemen.