Lydia’s heart leaps into her throat when Kim opens the door. She had spent an absurd amount of time getting ready, trying to look good but not like she had tried too hard. She’s not sure if it worked, but Kim? She has the effortless beauty thing down pat.
Her hair is out of it’s usual ponytail, falling over her shoulders in soft waves. Her t-shirt is soft and her jeans look comfortable and suddenly Lydia feels very overdressed.
“Hi.” Kim says, smiling softly.
Lydia then realizes she hasn’t said anything yet, only stared like a creep. “Hi!” She squawks, trying not to cringe at the sharpness of her voice.
“Come in.” Kim says. She pulls the door open wider, and Lydia steps past into her apartment.
They find themselves sitting on the couch and talking. It’s nice, and Kim’s voice is mesmerizing, but as soon as it’s Lydia’s turn to speak, she can’t help overthinking every word that comes out of her mouth.
The next pause is just a little too long, and Kim’s eyes flicker down to Lydia’s lap.
Lydia knows, then, that she’s noticed the way her clasped hands are trembling, and her face goes red. “I’m sorry, I-“
“It’s okay.” Kim says softly, reaching out a hand to cover Lydia’s own. “Is there anything I can do? To make you more comfortable?”
Lydia takes a deep breath before she forces the words out.
“I...am I doing this right? I’m worried that I’m...fucking up. I don’t usually do this, I mean, not with real feelings. My, uh, arrangements are usually, you know, no strings attached, and I...I’m not sure if…”
“Hey. There’s no wrong way. I just want to spend time with you. I’m not expecting anything more.”
“What if I want more?” Lydia says quickly before she can stop herself.
Kim shifts closer, her grip tightening just a tiny bit over Lydia’s fingers. Her warmth radiates into Lydia’s cold skin. Her gaze is intense, flickering down to Lydia’s mouth before staring up into her eyes. “Like what?”
Lydia opens her mouth to speak, but immediately closes it. Instead she lets her feelings take over, heat flaring inside her as she slowly leans over and presses her lips against Kim’s.
Right away, Kim’s kissing back, hands framing Lydia’s jawline. She pulls away after a second, grinning softly.
Lydia can feel her heart thudding against her ribcage. Her cheeks are red and she’s embarrassed about it, feeling much too vulnerable, but too enchanted by Kim to turn away.
“Come here.” Kim says, patting her thighs.
“Y-You want me to-“
“Yeah, climb on.”
Lydia can’t help but break into a small smile at Kim’s choice of words. She gets up, stepping in front of where Kim’s sitting on the couch.
Suddenly, she’s hyper aware of how long it’s been since she was in someone’s lap. She can’t remember the last time. Shifting uncomfortably, Lydia hopes that Kim will understand she doesn’t know what to do without having to ask her to take the lead again-
Firm hands wrap around her waist and pull her forward. Lydia falls onto the couch and by association onto Kim, letting out a very undignified squawk.
Kim laughs softly. “There you go.”
Lydia would be humiliated if she wasn’t so distracted by Kim’s soft encouragement, her hands on Lydia’s waist, gently shifting her position so the two of them can get more comfortable. Lydia’s hands find their way to Kim’s shoulders, fidgeting with her faded blue sweater.
“You smell nice.” Lydia hears herself saying, words leaving her mouth before she can stop them. She swallows hard. “Sorry if that was...strange.”
“No.” Kim smiles up at her, wrapping her arms further around Lydia’s middle. “You smell nice too.” She says. Her voice is full of amusement. Lydia can’t seem to feel too self conscious/offended about that. Kim’s delight is infectious.
It’s Kim who goes in for the kiss this time. Lydia grips onto her shoulders, fists tightening in the fabric of her shirt. But it’s not satisfying enough. Her hands flutter for a moment before she reaches up to hold Kim’s face.
Kim’s cheeks are soft and her skin is warm and Lydia’s blood is loud in her ears. She pulls back, the tidal wave of feelings encompassing her becoming overwhelming.
“Sorry.” She says, ashamed of how quickly/hard she’s breathing. “It’s...a lot. Not in a bad way!” She clarifies in a rush, raising her hands up defensively. “I just, I think I need a moment.”
“Don’t be sorry.” Kim says. “Take all the time you need. We can stop if you want to.”
Lydia interrupts her with a frantic “No!”, shaking her head. “No. I don’t...I do not want to stop.”
“Okay.” Kim’s voice is genuine, reassuring. “Take your time.”
She does. Lydia doesn’t know how long she spends with her head resting on Kim’s shoulder, trying to even out her breaths.
To her surprise, it works. Her racing heart finally slows. Snuggled against Kim, warm and comfortable, Lydia feels long held tension draining out of her.
Kim’s arms wrap around her, and she lets out a sigh. Soft hands rub her back. Before she knows it, words are spilling out of Lydia’s mouth again. “Nobody’s ever made me feel like this before.” She whispers. Heat radiates from her face.
“Oh.” The short response makes Lydia stiffen. Desperate for Kim to continue, she waits anxiously. “Well. I’m glad it’s me.”
This is what butterflies feel like. That’s all that Lydia can think. When people say they feel butterflies in their stomachs, this is what they mean. Her heart has grown wings and they beat with it in her chest, threatening to carry it off.
“...So am I.” She says softly. And then a wave of self consciousness washes over her, and she clears her throat. “Um, I’m sorry, but...my leg is falling asleep.”
The laugh that escapes Kim makes Lydia feel lightheaded. “It’s okay. Here.” Kim says, shifting Lydia off of her lap.
Lydia stumbles embarrassingly, her foot feeling tight and buzzy. Kim catches her. They end up laying on the couch, Lydia on top of Kim, head resting on her chest.
They chat for a bit before Kim starts to tell a story, but Lydia can’t focus on anything but the sound of her heartbeat. She falls asleep to the rhythmic pounding and the feeling of Kim’s fingers running through her hair, gently rubbing her scalp. And for the first time in a long time, she feels comforted when she doesn’t wake up alone.