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It Was Always You

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17th May - 22h34 - Gulf's Condo, Bangkok 

Gulf was laying flat on his stomach on his bed, a colorful book opened in front of him. His head was resting on his crossed hands and his phone was precariously kept in an upright position against an unsteady mug. Mew's face could be seen on the screen of the device and Gulf unconsciously trailed his gaze over his Phi's exposed biceps. The younger shook his head as he caught himself staring for a bit too long and looked back down at his book. Right. Chapter 15. Not a good idea. Maybe they could skip this one? 

"Phi? Should we skip this one? I'm not sure we need the details on how Tharn fucked Type with ice."

Gulf expected Mew to agree with him as they did for some other chapters containing graphic descriptions. But he saw his Phi shaking his head no, not even unsettled anymore with Gulf's crude way of speaking. What a shame, it was so entertaining to witness his perfect co-actor blush and shutter as the word "cock" was leaving Gulf's mouth. 

"Nong, don't focus on the sexual aspect of the scene and try to understand what Type is feeling at this specific moment. It's important to pinpoint Type's mind changes to portray the character before and after the scene."

Gulf sighed heavily, racking his brain looking for a believable excuse to convince his Phi to skip this part. He found nothing. 

"Since when are you shy reading NC scenes Nong? You usually don't have a problem with it." 

Mew had a point. And Gulf could already discern traces of concern and worry in his co-star's voice. Gulf indeed never had a problem with NC scenes before. 
But that was before. Before he started to notice the way Mew's muscles were rolling under his skin when he was lifting him. Before he felt the hardness of his abs when they were messing around on their makeshift bed in the workshop room. And definitely, before he felt his dick harden during their last love scene rehearsal. But now... Now it was embarrassing because the sole sight of the black words on the white pages in front of him was making him remember the strength of Phi's arms when they were wrapped around him and the way his body felt so good against his, solid and warm. 

The younger felt his cheeks heating up and he knew he was starting to blush. He hoped his wi-fi was unstable enough that his face would be a bit blurry on his Phi's screen. 

"I'm not shy!" That was a lie. "I'm just not in the mood to read gay porn." 

"Because usually, you're in the mood to read gay porn?" He heard the smirk in Mew's voice more than he saw it on the screen. Handsome bastard. He missed the time where his Phi was the one who was shy and wouldn't dare touch him without asking him a hundred times if it was ok. Now, his Phi was sly and hot. And reading how Tharn and Type were having sex wasn't helping Gulf keep his sanity. 

"Phi! You know that's not what I meant!" 

"I know." Mew laughed and the sound awakened a swarm of butterflies in his stomach. Shit. Gulf was only supposed to want his Phi's hot body not getting flustered by his laugh. He chose to ignore the annoying insects for now. They needed to work on their characters. 

"So... Type thought sleeping with Tharn could help him replace the memories of his assault with something better." He saw Mew instantly getting serious and he knew he was safe for now. "He didn't think it would feel good though. He wasn't expecting to enjoy it. He only knew that Tharn's touch was not making him sick." 

Gulf knew he should focus on Type's feelings but his imagination was having a party on its own and his mind was filled with flat chests and strong thighs. Mew's, ideally. He was curious, blame him. Would sleeping with a guy really feel good? He kind of wanted to try it too. With Phi, preferably. His next words were out before his brain to mouth filter could do its goddamn work. 

"P'Mew, did you ever sleep with a man?" 

Really? Why can't he keep his mouth shut for once? 

Mew's bewildered look was priceless and Gulf wanted to tease him but his own embarrassment was too strong. He waited. It looked like his co-actor was seriously considering how to answer him. He knew Mew was good at evading personal questions and wasn't really opened about his love life. 

"I did, Nong. I told you already I didn't care much about gender right?" 

"Huh, you're right." 

Great. Now Gulf felt stupid. And horny. It wasn't a good combo. How will he ever be able to stop thinking about it? He was sure Mr. Perfect was good in bed too, he was good at everything. 

"Why the question though?" 

Why? Because Gulf couldn't stop thinking about his Phi fucking him? Was that a good enough reason to be nosy? The young actor barely managed to swallow back his words before they could be blurted out. 

"Just curious..." That wasn't a complete lie. He was curious. "How it is Phi? Is it better than with a girl?" 

And Gulf was back at cursing himself for his blunt mouth. He was sure Mew didn't want to talk about these things with him. Why would he? They didn't know each other that well. Making out on the floor of a workshop room didn't mean they were that close. 

The silence that followed the question was dragging out and Gulf was searching for something to say to lift the awkward atmosphere. Of course, his loud mouth would fail him when he needed it. At least he was steadily losing his erection. That was something. 

"It's not better, it's different I guess." Gulf whipped his head up toward his phone. He felt those stupid flying bugs swirling in his stomach again at the thought that his Phi was trusting him enough to open up to him. "Just like sex is different with every different person."  

"I wouldn't know I only ever slept with one person."

... 
Fuck him. 
What did he do in his past life that was so wrong he had to suffer like that. 

"Your ex-girlfriend?"

"Obviously, who could it be if not her Phi." Gulf was embarrassed and his defense mechanism was to act tough. He knew his co-actor hated his annoyed tone and stubborn behavior. He could already see Mew's nostrils flaring up and he knew he was trying to keep his temper under control. Mew stayed silent after that, probably because he would have ended up scolding him if he had opened his mouth. 

Gulf was trying the get better too. His Phi was working on his temper and Gulf was trying to be a bit less stubborn and bratty. But sometimes, he was misbehaving on purpose. Especially when his co-start was busy talking with someone else, someone who wasn't him. The younger knew he was acting a bit crazy but he wanted his attention on him all the time, to the extent that he was sometimes pretending he couldn't do anything on his own so his partner would do everything for him. Gulf still didn't know why he was craving his attention. Maybe he just liked having someone waiting on their hand and foot for him. Maybe he just wanted to have Mew's full attention and affection because he was feeling lonely since his break-up. He could use a distraction. He could also use some action in his bed. That's probably why he was obsessing over Mew's body like a madman. He was sexually frustrated. Nothing else.  

"I think I'd like to try..."

"What?" 

"What what?" Did Gulf say anything? What did he say? Gulf had been lost in his head for the past couple of minutes, he couldn't have said anything. 

"You just said you'd like to try!" 

Try what? Sex with a man? Did he really say that aloud? No way! 

"Did not!"

"Did!"

"Really?" It couldn't be. He wasn't stupid to the point of blurting out something like that! Or was he? Maybe his brain really fried or maybe he was cursed and bound to blurt whatever thoughts he had in mind. 

"Yes!" Mew's expression was a mix of exasperation and disbelief. Gulf could understand disbelief but what did he do to deserve an exasperated look? God, his Phi was so moody. Great, now it was Gulf who was exasperated. Ok. Deep breath. It wasn't worth the trouble to get into a spat with the older actor. Back to the main problem. What could he say now? He blurted out that he wanted to try to have sex with a man. Should he just pretend it was a joke? Or should he man up and admit that "yes" he was, maybe, attracted to men. Man. Mew. Fuck. No. 

" Well... Type seems to like it so much he got addicted to Tharn, so I'm curious too." Smooth. Gulf was pretty satisfied with his answer. It was cheeky and close enough to the truth. Good boy. If he wasn't afraid Mew would think he went nuts he would have pet his own head in reward. 

"But Nong, you're straight right?" 

Right. He was straight. Straight as overcooked spaghetti. A straight guy didn't get his dick hard when another guy was playfully blowing air on his neck. Yes, Mew did that. Because it was "fun to see him squirm". Bastard. 

Gulf concluded that it was too late to back away now. He would live up to his infamous blunt personality and speak his mind. 

"I don't know... I thought I was but lately, I'm having those... thoughts."

"What kind of thoughts? " Mew looked genuinely curious. One eyebrow raised and his lips in a concentrated pout. Gulf hoped Mew wouldn't play the perfect older brother role. He wanted the man, not the man's advice. 

"Just... you know... How it would be like, if it would feel good." 

"But why all of a sudden? How did TharnType make you realized you could be "not so straight"?" 

Mew was getting closer and closer to his phone. His face was taking the whole screen and Gulf knew his co-star was getting too invested already, he wouldn't drop the subject anytime soon. He already told him so much anyway. Gulf was seriously considering going for it and ask Mew to sleep with him. But was he ready to risk their still unsteady relationship? 

"Maybe it wasn't only TharnType..." Mew was looking at him expectantly, waiting for him to go on.  "Maybe it was you, Phi."

Gulf immediately hid his head in between his hands, held his breath, and wished for the best. He expected a lot of different reactions. He thought Mew would scream at him, scold him, hang up on him even but none of that happened. Until a loud laugh could be heard through the phone. He peaked through his hands and Gulf saw his co-actor wiping tears from his eyes. 

Gulf was mortified. That laugh, did it mean that Phi wasn't interested? Did he blow up his chance before actually trying? He watched as his Phi calmed down, taking deep breaths while trying to control some persisting giggles. The older one seemed to realize that Gulf wasn't joking if his laughing face morphing into one of utter disbelief was anything to go by. And Gulf blamed his fucking blush for it. He really needed to work on his poker face. 

"What? Really?" 

Gulf wished for the Earth to open under his bed and swallow him and his loud mouth forever. Something close to a groan escaped his lips, unwilling to give Mew any more ammunitions to laugh at his expanse. 

"Gulf? Talk to Phi please? I'm not sure I'm understanding what you're saying." 

Silence. 

"Gulf? Talk or I'm hanging up." 

Gulf knew Mew was getting pissed. He hated it when Gulf wasn't answering him. So what now? Maybe he could hang up and buy a plane ticket for the earliest departure to Siberia. It's a lovely country. He just needed to remember to bring his blue blanket. It's fucking cold in Siberia. 

"Gulf?!" 

Ok. Gulf needed to think rationally. He could do that. Definitely. Maybe. Mew didn't seem upset just frustrated, that was something. He just needed to open his usually perfectly functioning mouth and say something. Anything. 

"I -" 

"You?" 

"I -" 

"Ok, I'm hanging up. Call me when you're done playing around." 

"Wait! I'm sorry P'Mew." Good boy. At least that's a full sentence. Promising start. Now he just needed to find a way to explain to the man that yes he was making his dick hard but that no it wasn't creepy. 
Gulf looked around his room, trying to find an answer in the small cracks on the ceiling or the pile of dirty laundry on the floor by his desk. His eyes landed on the book still lying on his bed and his brain short-circuited, his mouth opening before he could think things through. 

" Have sex with me." 

Gulf was pretty sure he was supposed to not make it creepier than it already was. Gulf worried for a second his Phi would be sick as he saw his face go through every color of the rainbow, before settling for a livid white. 

" I mean... Please?" 

Sure. Because saying please would definitely make it better and Mew would agree in a heartbeat. But Mew wasn't Tharn and the bip bip bip of his phone forced him to look back at it. Only a greenish screen asking him if he was satisfied by the quality of the call glared back at him. Was the universe making fun of him? He was definitely not satisfied with the call. He considered calling his Phi again, to apologize or something. That was the right thing to do, right? Once in his hand, the smartphone started vibrating, startling Gulf, and Mew's picture appeared on the screen. His thumb hovered over the green phone icon a few seconds as Gulf couldn't stop staring at the photo of his Phi. He definitely should change it to something less suspicious than a stolen shirtless picture but now was not the right time. He needed to get a fucking grip and apologize. 

"Are you fucking serious?" 

Aow. Mew was not one to swear easily. How much did Gulf piss him off? The growling voice went straight to his dick and Gulf felt himself hardening. Shit. What was his deal seriously? He needed a functional brain, not a blood-deprived one. He just needed to apologize. 

"I'm sorry Phi, I just... why not?" 

Nop. That wasn't the plan at all. 

"Why not?" Was that sarcasm in his Phi's voice? 

"Yes! I mean, you fucked guys before, I want to get fucked so it's the perfect solution." 

Gulf gave up trying to apologize, his brain was probably taken hostage by his dick. Abort apologizing mission. New plan: make Mew agree to his foolproof idea. How hard would it be to convince a man to have sex? That wasn't rocket science. He was cute and handsome and his legs were to die for.

"Perfect solution?" 

"Yes Phi, are you just going to repeat everything I say?" 

Gulf risked a glance at his phone and saw Mew on the verge of breaking down. 

"I don't even know what to say. I'm used to you prattling non-sense but this is on a whole new level, Gulf." 

"Did I leave you speechless?" Gulf laughed loudly before stopping abruptly. The dark aura emanating from his phone was giving him the chill. He wouldn't make Mew agree with his plan by making fun of him. Focus. He needed to focus. And think. What was Mew's weakness? Chopper? Not available. Cute socks? He looked at his feet and glared at the bare skin. Not available. Acting cute? 

"Phi~" A little bit of whining always worked before. Sure it was to bribe the actor so he would go fetch him food but it was worth a try. 

"Phiii~ Listen to me." 

"What?" 

"Don't you like me?" A pout and some puppy eyes. 

"It has nothing to do with that Gulf." Jackpot. Mew's voice was already softening and Gulf screamed internally. 

"It does Phi. You like me right? You always say I'm your favorite Nong." 

"You are Gulf but do you realize what you're asking me?" 

"I'm asking you to fuck me." Real smooth. What happened to acting cute? He might as well just- 

"No." 

"No?" 

"No." 

"Whyyyy?" Some more whining. And Gulf didn't have to pretend this time. 

"Seriously? I have an endless list of why it would be a disaster but I'll spare you. No means no and that's final." 

"Huh ok, Phi." Resignation. "But who am I going to ask then?" Before the final blow. 

"What do you mean?" 

"Well, you don't want to so I'm not going to force you Phi but I need to find someone else to do it." Gulf knew he wasn't playing fair when he saw Mew's cristal fallen expression. He needed to fix it. He wasn't an asshole for god's sake. He won't manipulate his Phi into sleeping with him. He wasn't Type. He should- 

"Ok." 

"Ok, what?" Gulf was sure he was hearing things, his dick might have definitely melted his brain. 

"Ok, I'll do it. Don't go around asking just anyone to sleep with you Nong, that's dangerous!" Gulf saw concern written all over his face and he hated himself a little for that. 

"Are you sure Phi? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to force your hand or anything." 

His apology was dismissed with a hmm and warmth spread inside his stomach and the forgotten little bugs came back flying inside. For once, Gulf didn't know what to say. It was most probably down to the numerous explicit mental images that were swirling inside his head. He probably wouldn't be able to sleep tonight and his not so little friend down there was happy to make its presence noticed once again. 

"Thank you Phi, I really appreciate it." Was thanks really the thing to say in this situation? Well, Gulf didn't know, he never manipulated a friend into having sex with him before. Was he a bad person? Fuck. He shouldn't have done that. 

"I have one condition." 

"Sure, what is it?" 

"I know you want to experiment, and that's perfectly normal but it will happen only once. We can't risk our relationship, Gulf. A lot of people are depending on us and on our ability to work together." 

Gulf wanted to cringe at his own disappointment. How a single night - or afternoon, he wasn't picky - with his Phi could be enough to quench the thirst he had for him? Did he have a choice though? He should be satisfied that his Phi agreed to it in the first place but his greedy ass was already sulking at the condition. And his heart did something funny as if a vice tried to squeeze it until the organ could fit into the palm of a hand.  

"Ok, Phi." 

"Good. Now that it's settle, can we go back to work?" Gulf wasn't sure he believed the nonchalant attitude of his Phi. No one could be this detached. Not after what they just talked about. And Gulf wasn't really in the mood to work anymore, rubbing one off sounded way more appealing. But he wouldn't push his luck. 

"Right... So Type tried to make Tharn sleep with him so he would overcome his trauma." 


19th May - 14h52 - Workshop Studio, Bangkok 

Mew was contemplating his life's choices, lying on their makeshift bed on the floor of the workshop room, arms full of a warm and sleeping boy. He could already see a wet patch forming on his shirt as Gulf was peacefully drooling on him, completely unaware of his internal storm. He really was weak huh? Give him a cute and bratty boy and he would let him sleep on him, drool on him, and still thank the universe for it. He liked Gulf. He wouldn't trick himself into thinking he wasn't affected by the younger man. It wasn't his fault. Gulf was checking all the boxes on his "Things to make Mew Suppasit fall for you" list. He was pushing all the right buttons, made his protectiveness go into overdrive, and woke all his possessive instincts up. 

He looked down at the boy still snoring on his chest and carded a hand in his messy hair. His fingers got caught in a tangle and disturbed the sleeping boy. Gulf's eyes fluttered open and he locked his gaze with Mew's. The older actor instinctively wiped the dry saliva stuck at the corner of the tempting mouth. Really tempting. Too tempting. He shifted his eyes to the side and noticed everyone had left the room.

"P'Mew?" Soft voice and sleepy eyes. Someone needed to save Mew before all his self-control completely disintegrated. 

"Hmm?" That was the safest response. And Mew had to fight every fiber of his body to not roll the boy over and crush him under his body. 

"Can I go back home with you tonight?" 

Really? Today? When all of Mew's thoughts were already poisoned by Gulf? When his body was so on edge he could feel electricity crackled down to his toes? 

"I'm not sure..." Yes. "I have work." He didn't. "Another time?" Could he just take him home right now? 

Mew saw Gulf's eyes filling with disappointment. His heart clenched. Damn it, he was so weak. He couldn't do it, he wanted to back off their deal. Right now. 

"Gulf, I- " 

Oompf. A solid weight dropped down on his pelvic and Gulf was looking at him from above, straddling him. Hands anchored on his chest. He was so cute, his tangled hair, his pouty lips, and droopy eyes. His shiny retainers adding an adorable lisp to his speech. It was already too late right? He was so infatuated with this boy already. Damn. It was fast, even for him who wore his heart on his sleeve. 

"Please Phi?" Mew wanted out. 

"You promised Phi." He needed to tell him. 

"Please? I want you so much, Phi." Huh? "I'm so hard already." What? "I need your help P'Mew." Help? Yes. Whatever his Nong needed, Mew would provide. He could help. Definitely. 

Gulf, probably noticing Mew was glitching, pushed his hips down on Mew harder. Damn, he was hard indeed. Mew's brain rebooted and his hands grabbed the slender waist in front of him. 

"Stop it Gulf." What was that growling sound? Did it really come from him? His protectiveness and possessiveness didn't come out of nowhere. He was a lion inside, always ready to guard fiercely what was his. Mew took a deep breath and tried to regain control of himself. He was no animal. He was in control. 

"Calm down, it will go away." Maybe. 

"But Phi, you're hard too." Right. Technical difficulties. He just had to calm down too. No problem. 

"If you'd stop grinding your ass on me, I wouldn't be hard." Maybe it wasn't the best thing to say. Mew wasn't sure giving verbal confirmation of his excitement to Gulf was very smart. He saw the two dark orbs above him glinting, followed by a hard thrust down his dick. Enough. The lion roared inside. 

Mew toppled them down and hovered over Gulf. It was dangerous. He should back off immediately. The staff would be back sooner or later. His gaze zeroed on the plushy bottom lip caught between white teeth. He never let himself get carried away before. It was all Gulf's fault. Gulf and his stupid experiment plan. Gulf and his cute mouth and doe eyes. 

"Why are you never listening to me? What are you looking for? For Phi to put you in your place?" It wasn't Mew talking, it was the lion and its need to dominate, control, and submit. Mew hated this part of himself. It always scared his lovers away, too possessive, too controlling. Too much.

He promptly ignored the flash of lust in Gulf's eyes and the full-body tremor. He scrambled away from the boy and sat on the blanket. A good meter away from Gulf. Safe. And cold. His stomach twisting into a knot. 

A tentative hand came to rest on his forearm and Mew tried and failed to look at Gulf's face. Gaze stubbornly stuck on his own hands resting on his knees. 

"Phi?" Mew wanted to run, far away, as far as he could. "P'Mew, are you ok?" But the soft voice coaxed him out of his own head. 

"Yes." The sentence as short as his temper. He didn't want to look at Gulf. He didn't want to scare him. And he especially didn't want his heart to get broken again. 

Mew finally risked a glance at Gulf, the younger actor seemed lost in his thoughts. What could he be thinking? Maybe he did scare him off after all. Good. That way Gulf would drop that stupid plan of his and allow Mew to get over his stupid crush. 

Suddenly, Gulf lifted his gaze, his eyes bright and excited. What was he up to now? That boy was giving Mew a headache. Mischeviouness was written all over his pretty face. So much for scaring him, damn it. 

"So..." His trademark bratty smirk was back. "Can I come home with you tonight?" 

"No." Monosyllabic answers seemed to be Mew's favorite now. 

"Why?" If he wasn't already piercing Mew's heart with his pleading eyes, Gulf's sulky pout would probably rip it into shreds. 

"Because." Yup. Mew was sulking too now. Who said grown men couldn't sulk? 

"Because of what? You agreed to do it with me already Phi~." 

And Mew really didn't know why he agreed. He knew it was a bad idea. The worst idea. He already had a hard time keeping his crush in check, heck he was already doting on him every chance he got, what was he expected to do after having the boy in his bed once? Pretend nothing happened? Masturbating at the memory for the rest of his life? Ok, He was maybe a bit dramatic, he wasn't that in love yet. Still, he only agreed after Gulf threatened to sleep with someone else. Gulf was his Nong, his co-star, his boy. What was he supposed to do? Throw him into someone else arms? No. He promised to take care of him, to protect him. No way he'd let that happen.

He needed to talk Gulf out of it. With some rational facts and some coaxing. It had to work.

"Nong, I don't think it's a good idea." And no, that cute frown won't make him waver. "Lines between us are already blurry enough. We got too close too quickly. I'm sure you are just confused." Facts. Only facts. 

"I'm confused indeed." Mew was going to sigh in satisfaction but- 

"I'm confused about my sexuality. I'm not confused about you, Phi. I know you think I'm nuts but I really need your help. You make me hot and your touch makes me shiver. I know we're crossing a line if we sleep together but nothing bad will happen. We know we are just friends. I'm your Nong, and you help me discover new things about myself. It's not like we would be in a relationship Phi~" 

The shattering sound of his heart echoed in Mew's ears alongside Gulf's laugh. Of course, they wouldn't be in a relationship. Mew knew he should back off immediately. But he was just a man. And he wanted Gulf. Every cell in his body wanted Gulf. This cute and bratty boy was making him feel alive, he was crawling under his skin, finding shelter in his heart. And Mew knew, no matter how much he'd try to fight it, he'd do anything for him. Because Mew would always protect what's his, like a lion would protect his pack. And Gulf might have not been his to keep but he was his to take care of. It would have to be enough. 

"Do you want to get pizza on our way home?" 

The smile splitting Gulf's face was enough. The hot fire of delusional hopes was starting to burn down, slowly replaced by warmth. Something soft and subtle, an ember. 


19th May - 21h39 - Mew's Condo, Bangkok 

They were sitting on Mew's dark couch, too close as always. Gulf could feel the heat from his Phi's body where their legs were touching. But it wasn't close enough. It never was. So Gulf shifted a bit more until their thighs were flushed against one another. Better. He bit into his slice of pizza and some tomato sauce dripped down his chin. Out of habit, Gulf looked at Mew and made a soft sound deep down his throat to catch the older man's attention. Without missing a beat, Mew reached for his chin and wiped the sauce with his thumb before absentmindedly sucking it. Wow. Gulf never got hard this fast. 

He dropped his slice on the plate resting on the small coffee table. He laughed at the confused expression Mew sported as he also grabbed his slice of pizza and put it with his on the table. His attention got caught by a drop of water falling down the side of his partner's neck, proof of the shower they took before settling down on the sofa to eat their dinner. Separately, the shower. Obviously. Not that Gulf would have minded but the embarrassing process he went through to prepare himself for the night was better left unseen. 

Gulf observed closely his Phi, his shy expression, the nervous tapping of his fingers on his thighs, and the way the corner of his mouth twitched out of anticipation or fear, Gulf wasn't sure. He wasn't really good at reading people, hell most of the time he didn't even know what he was feeling himself. 

"Stop staring, you're creeping me out." Mew's false light-hearted voice brought him back to Earth. "Give me back my pizza, I'm hungry." 

"I'm hungry too." Mew raised an eyebrow at him, probably wondering what Gulf was playing at. Little did he know, Gulf was done playing, he wanted some action. Right now preferably. 

"Can we do it now?" Big black eyes stared incredulously at him. Too straightforward? He never romanced his ex-girlfriend when they were together, he wasn't going to start for his Phi. His hot and appetizing Phi. With his muscles and white skin. Fuck, he is getting sidetracked again. 

"So? Yes?" Impatience was his middle name. 

"Why are you in a rush? We're at my condo, I won't disappear." Smartass. Gulf knew Mew was stalling time, he couldn't blame him, he was nervous too, under the several layers of horniness, excitement, and horniness. Did he say he was horny? Gulf was horny. 

"I want it now." Rectification, impatient brat was his middle name. And Mew seemed to like it if the slight curl at the corner of his lips was anything to go by. 

Sensing his Phi wouldn't make the first move, Gulf took the matter in hand and invaded his Phi's personal space, straddling his lap. Nothing new here, hours of love scenes rehearsal would have already stripped him off of his shyness. 

"Are you sure?" Gulf wrapped his arms around Mew's neck. Fingers already tangling in the soft hair. 

"Yes." Gulf pushed his already hard member down the older's lap. No doubt would subside after that right? 

"It's a really bad idea, Nong." It's an excellent idea. The best idea. Gulf felt Mew hardening under him as he slowly rubbed circles on his partner's dick. Definitely the best idea in the entire world. 

"Nong, we should reconsi-" Mew's words were swallowed by Gulf's mouth. The kiss was light and soft, lips caressing lips in a slow dance. It tasted a bit like tomatoes and cheese but Gulf couldn't care less. His whole body was vibrating with anticipation. He opened his mouth as he would do in rehearsal and Mew got the message. Gulf immediately sucked on the soft muscle that entered his mouth, tongues loving one another in a delicate mess of saliva. The grip on his hips tightened and he felt Mew forced a thrusting motion on them. The younger obliged. He pulled a bit on the hair in his hands, wickedly forcing his Phi's head back. Much better. At this angle, he could devour that sweet mouth to his heart content. 

But something was missing. Gulf was pretty sure Mew should have been less... passive. If it wasn't for the deadly grip on his waist, he would think Mew was completely letting him in charge of the kiss. Gulf wasn't against the idea but if he had only one night with Mew he wanted the real him. The full package. The hotness, the dominance, the affection. He wanted everything from him. And he knew how to make it happened. He hoped he knew at least. 

"Didn't know Phi was so obedient. Maybe I should be the one fucking you." 

His lips only millimeters away from Mew's, he ran his tongue on the man's bottom lip. He wasn't shy when it came to sex. He had experience and had been told he was good but he didn't know where all this confidence was coming from. But the mere idea of riling his Phi up was making wonder on him. Gulf wanted to pat his own head, good boy. He had always got what he wanted. Today wouldn't be an exception. 

The man caught his tongue and sucked hard on it, pulling a moan out of him. A hand trailed up his side to his hair, fisted around some strands, and pulled him down in a bruising kiss. Fuck. It was so much better than Gulf ever thought it would be. Their kisses in rehearsal seemed bland in comparison. Lacking the burn of teeth against his lips, the bruises on his hips, and the heat emanating from his one-night lover. 

"Don't play with fire Nong, you'll get burned." 

Electricity ran down Gulf's body. Even his toes curled under the heavy aura suddenly suffocating the room. But Gulf wanted to play. Fuck, he wanted to play until there was nothing left of him. He wanted to experience it all. He never felt like that before. It was amazing. Consuming. Explosive. Addictive. He wanted more, more and more. 

"Why? Think you can... how did you say?... Put me in my place Phi? You're going to have to try harder than that."  

Maybe he had a death wish, or maybe he was just plain stupid. The already dark eyes of his Phi turned a shade darker and the muscle on his jaw twitched at the pressure Mew was putting on it. Damn it, Gulf should have known by now that Mew never played fair, he's a cheater through and through. 

"I'm going to fuck you..." The hand in his hair tightened painfully. "...until your smart mouth can only moan my name..." The other one came down on his ass, squeezing it tightly. "...brat." 

And damn if it wasn't the hottest thing Gulf ever heard. He moaned at the words, his body trembling like a leaf, heat consuming every fiber of his being. What was happening to him? He probably shouldn't feel that overwhelmed by mere words, or by his Phi. He welcomed a new kiss with a shiver and let himself be ruined by the older man. Hot. Too hot. He needed to cool down. So Gulf removed his shirt, throwing it on the floor. His eyes met two obsidian orbs. It was too tempting so- 

"You're all talk, Phi. I'm still waiting for you to do something worth making me shut up." 

Gulf held his breath waiting for Mew to say something. Anything. But nothing came. He watched as the older took a deep breath, the dangerous sparkles in his eyes died alongside the heavy air surrounding them. Gulf was confused. What was going on? Mew's hands released their tight grip and went to rest on Gulf's waist, gently holding him close. He parted his lips as Mew claimed them once again. It was soft. So soft. And gentle. It felt like an apology and a promise. Gulf had no idea what was going on in his Phi's mind but he would take whatever his Phi was willing to give him. So he let the older man push him back up on his feet without resistance. 

"Let's go to my room, Gulf." Mew grabbed his hand and pulled him gently behind him. Gulf was having a hard time understanding the situation. One minute Mew was all "I'm going to ruin you" and the next he was been guided to his bedroom with utmost care. 

Gulf was left standing in the middle of the bedroom, Mew was already sitting on the edge of the bed. 

"Gulf? Come on, sit with me."

Gulf took the hand that was reaching for him and sat down next to Mew. Body fully flushed against Mew's. As usual. The weird mood was starting to make Gulf worried. His dick was still hard and he really wanted things to keep going. He'd do anything to have those sinful lips on him again. Fuck, they only kissed a little, and Gulf was completely obsessed already. He should say something light to cheer up his Phi. Something witty so they'd laugh it off. Something bratty maybe so Mew would smile and be exasperated all at once. 

"Can I have a blowjob?" Should Gulf even be surprised by his own mouth? No. What surprised him was how fast Mew went down on his knees in between Gulf legs. He definitely wasn't expecting that. 

"What are you doing P'Mew?"  

"Giving you a blowjob." Right. Because that should help Gulf understand what was going on? 

"Just like that? I just need to ask and you execute?" 

"Isn't it always like that? You ask for something and Phi gives it to you, nothing new here." Mew's cheeky smile immediately helped Gulf throw his worries away. Good. That was good. Mew wasn't weird anymore. Who knew what went through his weird mind? Probably nothing important or he would have told Gulf right? Now it was time to finally enjoy this little experiment. 

Gulf leaned back on his hands, raised an eyebrow while a smirk was decorating his lips. "Then... go ahead Phi." 

Mew laughed at his antics and grabbed his neck, pulling him down for a kiss. And Gulf couldn't wait for those lips to perform their magic on another part of his body. A part that was hard for a good half an hour now. 

"Come on, Phi. I'm dying here." He tried to push Mew's head down but his hand was batted away. 

"Be patient, Nong. There's no rush." Hmm, Patience was definitely not his middle name though. He quickly lifted his ass and dragged his sweatpants down his knees, self-consciously keeping his underwear on. Mew was still on the floor in front of him. It was almost obscene. Gulf loved it. 

"You look really pretty like that, Phi." Mew raised an eyebrow at him, unimpressed. 

"Really? Do you think this attitude will get your dick wet?" 

"Don't know Phi, you're the one who said I just had to ask... So... remove your shirt." 

Gulf waited for the moment his Phi would tell him off. Surely he wouldn't let him get away with so much. But it never came. Instead, Mew fixed his gaze to Gulf's, dark and teasing. Fuck. He was so hot. As each button came undone, more skin was exposed and Gulf had to catch himself before he'd start drooling. It really was happening right? He was going to sleep with his Phi. Tonight. Oh my god. Alright, deep breath. He had asked for it, now wasn't the time to freak out. 

"You're okay, Baby?" Baby?! And no, Gulf's heart didn't skip a beat at the pet name, and his cock didn't harden even more. No. Absolutely not. And if it did happen then it was circumstantial. 

"I- Baby?" 

"What? I'm going to fuck you and I can't call you Baby?" 

"No... Yes... I mean... of course, you can call me... that." Gulf was shuttering. Why was he getting flustered like that? It was just a stupid pet name. But the blush creeping down his neck wasn't agreeing. And the butterflies in his stomach were having a blast. 

"Ok Baby." He put his hands on Gulf's hips. Big and warm. "Lift your pretty ass, Baby." Gulf complied and Mew removed his underwear. "Thank you, Baby." 

"Stop saying Baby please!" Damn it, Phi was such a pain in the ass! Figuratively. Maybe literally, but that would be for later. 

"Sorry... Baby." And Mew's laughter echoed in the room while Gulf tried to kick him. His sweatpants got in the way and he only managed to fumble on Mew who caught him before he could actually crash onto the older. 

"Don't fall for Phi yet, Gulf." 

"I hate you Phi." Gulf hated himself more. He was seating on a bed, with one of the most gorgeous men he ever met. Said man was on his knees, in front of him, apparently ready to get acquainted with his fucking dick. Dick that was fully erected and making a mess on the skin of his stomach. How he was still hard after all that nonsense was a mystery. But he was, and he was getting embarrassed at being this exposed while he almost landed on his face after a ridiculous attempt at kicking Mew. 

The older man watched him attentively and Gulf didn't know what he was searching for. And then he took the matter into his hand. The matter being Gulf's dick. And fuck. It felt good. Too good. The hand was so big it made his cock look smaller than it was. Gulf was mesmerized at the sight. 

"You won't hate me for long, Baby." Mew's playful attitude was slowly melting into something darker, sexier. Gulf held his breath as he watched his Phi's head getting closer and closer to his member. He tried and failed to hold a moan back when a soft and wet tongue licked the head of his dick.

"Come on Phi." Gulf should have learned to shut up. 

"You're going to have to say the magic word this time, Baby." 

Gulf couldn't hold his partner's stare. It was too intense and lustful. He diverted his eyes, looking anywhere but in front of him. What a shame. His Phi was such a sight. 

"Come on Phiiii." A bit of whining should work, right? 

"Say please." No. Gulf was stubborn like this. Ask him to do something and he'd do the opposite. Damn, he really was a brat. 

"Phiiii." 

"Say it." And Mew leaned down again to blow on his dick, the cold breath sending shivers down Gulf's spine. It was driving him crazy already. He was stubborn but he was also weak so... 

"Please." It was barely a whisper. And Gulf's cheeks redden even more at the smile his Phi sent him. 

The first few licks were tentative. Then Mew took his head in his mouth and warmth surrounded Gulf, making his head - the one on his shoulders - light and empty. As if a fog of lust had suddenly materialized in his brain. The obscene suction sounds were loud in the mostly silent room, accompanied by Gulf's soft groans and whimpers. He firmly grabbed at Mew's shoulders to keep himself grounded. 

"You're so good Phi." He really was. He never had a blowjob like that. It was just perfect. Perfect pressure, perfect wetness. Just perfect. 

"You didn't see it all yet, Baby. Come on, don't be shy. Grab my hair." 

Gulf immediately take a hold of mews head, fingers tangling in his Phi's soft hair. 

"Don't hold back, Phi can take it." And Mew went down on him again. Taking more and more of his cock. Gulf instinctively bucked his hips and fucked himself inside the warm cavern. He was going to apologize but his Phi didn't chock nor gag. He just moaned and took more of his dick down his throat. 

"Fuck Phi! How do you do that? Oh my god, so good."

Gulf was going to go crazy. He soon felt his stomach tightened and he clenched hard, trying to hold back his orgasm for a bit longer. It was vain as he felt Mew's throat closed around his head at each thrust and he knew he wouldn't be able to stop himself. 

"I'm gonna cum Phi, move" 

Mew only sucked harder. Gulf's fingers tightened around the brown locks. His breathing was so erratic he was afraid he'd hyperventilate. 

"I'm serious. I'm gonna come in your mouth if you keep going." Mew only moaned around his shaft and Gulf let go in a loud groan. Little shiny stars appearing before his eyes. Sparkles of electricity traveling down his whole body. He finally went limp, letting himself fall onto his back on the bed. 

He tried to regain his breath with difficulty. Through the loud beats of his heart ringing in his ears, he heard Mew get up and was soon met with his gorgeous face as Mew lied on top of Gulf. And the handsome bastard was heavy. 

"You're crushing me." He was breathless and Mew wasn't helping at all, crushing him under his muscular body. Gulf entertained the idea of running his hands on the smooth expanse of the older's back before a fat pout took residence on his Phi's face.  

"Are you calling me fat?" 

"Yes." A real brat. Through and through. 

Mew loudly huffed at him and dropped on his back on his bed, far from Gulf. Not that far, but Gulf's dramatic ass converted the 10cm separating them into one good meter. Was Mew seriously sulking? Gulf shook his shoulder, trying to gain his attention. No answer. He shook him again. No answer. Damn, his Phi really was a sulky asshole. And Gulf couldn't even tell if it was real or not. He never could tell. If he could, you'd bet they wouldn't fight so much. 

"Phiiii~" No reaction. "P'Meeew~ Talk to me please?" The usually foolproof combo of puppy eyes, cute pout, and childish whining failed miserably as Mew stubbornly kept on ignoring him. 

Gulf clumsily removed the sweatpants and underwear dangling around his knees. He was stark naked. It was embarrassing. So embarrassing. But Gulf had a Phi to make up with and he couldn't afford to be embarrassed right now. He swiftly straddled the man, who apparently wasn't expecting him on top of him judging by the way his eyes almost fall out of their sockets. 

"How come you're so good at blowjob, phi?" If cute wasn't working, it was time for bigger guns and Gulf caught the twitch of Mew's lips.

"Lot of practice." Something twisted in Gulf's stomach. He hoped he wasn't getting sick. 

"It was the best blowjob ever." 

"Really?" Gulf almost snickered at how weak Mew was for praises and the self-satisfied smile resting on his face was enough for Gulf to know the danger zone was avoided. 

"It was, Phi." Gulf smiled gently. He was a brat but he didn't want Mew to be upset with him. He really liked his partner. Liked him a lot. He was such a good mentor and he always took care of Gulf so well. Even tonight, he was-

"You know your naked right, Gulf?" Gulf flushed at the words, he had almost forgotten that tiny detail. 

"So? Are you shy? You've already been close and personal with my dick anyway." It was Mew's turn to blush and Gulf was delight by the sight. It was his favorite thing to do. Well... after being on the receiving end of one of Mew's blowjobs. The thought made his dick twitched again, renewing its interest. 

"I want more now." Gulf could see he wasn't the only one affected as Mew's pupils blew out, adding a feral glint to his dark eyes. 

Mew hesitated for a few seconds before - 

"Ok." Gulf beamed at him. "Lie down, Nong." 

Gulf's nerves kicked back in and he shakily lied on his back, feeling exposed under Mew's stare. Fuck, he was going to be devoured alive. 

"Lube?" The braveness. Gulf was seconds away from kicking his Phi out of the bed. 

"What? Like that? You won't kiss me first or something?" Mew chuckled at him before dropping a soft kiss on his lips 

"Of course I will, just give me the lube you brat, it's in the drawer." 

Gulf retrieved the bottle and a condom from the bedside table and handed it to Mew. The older man absentmindedly dropped them beside them. He ran his hands on Gulf's torso as he was kneeling over one of Gulf's thighs, sending tiny shivers down his spine. Adventurous fingers caressed his nipples and Gulf swallowed back a moan. He felt tingly and a bit awkward. He wasn't one to be self-conscious but his Phi close to perfect chest was a constant reminder of his own little tummy and lack of muscle. 

"P'Mew?"

"Mmm?" The man was fully focused on his body, exploring every mount and dip with his gentle hands. His stare was hungry and Gulf felt better, lighter. His Phi wanted him. As much as Gulf wanted his partner. 

"I'm not scared, not at all but... please be gentle with me?" Gulf wasn't scared. He wasn't. Definitely not.

"Of course I will, Baby." Mew's smile was reassuring and Gulf relaxed a bit more. But it wasn't enough. Mew hovered over him, body fully covering Gulf, enveloping him in warmth and hands finding his hair. Gulf waited until their lips were millimeters apart and stopped him. 

"Wait!" Why did it sound panicky? Gulf wasn't panicking at all. He was just a bit self-conscious. 

"What again?" Did Mew just growl? What the hell. Gulf was having a mental breakdown and his Phi was growling at him? 

"Can you undress too? I feel a bit alone here." Good boy, he didn't even kick Mew for growling at him. He was getting better at keeping himself in check. Or maybe he was just too freaking nervous to move a muscle.  

As Mew was undressing, Gulf openly stared at him. He wanted to touch him. Dig his nails into his skin. Leave proofs of his night with his Phi. How many times did he jerk off to that though? Probably too many to count. Mew finally removed his underwear and Gulf hadn't been able to hold back the choked sound that escaped his lips. 

"What?!" Mew sounded way too alarm. Gulf should be used to his constant worry but this time it might have been a bit excessive. Unless Gulf really did sound scared. But he was sure he didn't. 

"You're so... so... big phi! It will never fit in my ass." Wow. Not panicking at all. Gulf could see Mew trying to conceal his laughter. 

"Gulf." The way Mew dragged his name, slow and teasing, made a fire start in his veins. The husky voice was turning him on. So much that his hand instinctively went down to grab his cock. 

"No." Mew caught his hand before it reached its goal and Gulf wasn't sure what Mew meant by no. No, his dick wasn't that big? No, he couldn't touch his cock? Both? He didn't know but he let his Phi pinned his hand beside his head. 

"Don't touch yourself yet, Baby. And even if I'm flattered, I'm not that big. Don't worry, it'll fit perfectly with appropriate prepping." So it was both. Figured. Phi was such a control freak, he would be one in bed too, Gulf should have guessed. 

"You sure you want to keep going?" 

"Yes." Gulf used his free hand to pull Mew down by his neck. With no resistance, the older man dived on his lips, and both of their mouth melted into a sensual kiss. 

Gulf felt like they had kissed for hours, his lips were swollen and hurting. He didn't know how but Mew was now settled in between his legs and was caressing his thighs and his hips. Their cocks were sliding against one another and Gulf was sure it wasn't supposed to feel that good. He whimpered pitifully when Mew went down his neck, his sensitive skin getting sucked on, licked, and bitten. If he had any strength left in him he would have cursed the older man for leaving marks on his skin but Gulf felt too good to care. 

Gulf's body felt like it was on fire, each square centimeter of his skin touched by Mew felt raw and tight, and he moaned loudly when Mew licked on his right nipple. It took Gulf by surprise. He never really gave his chest a lot of attention, but he was definitely enjoying himself now. Mew rewarded his noises with a cheeky smile and kept his ascension down his body. He dipped his tongue inside Gulf's belly button and seemed disappointed at the lack of reaction from the younger. Was it his fault he wasn't ticklish? Gulf diverted his attention to Mew, enjoying the way the hard muscles were rolling under his skin when Mew was moving. He squeezed and grabbed at the arms, feeling them contract under his touch. 

Mew finally reached his member. And fuck, he gave the underside a big fat lick, from root to head, eyes never breaking contact with Gulf's. The noise that left Gulf sounded desperate even to his own ears. How was he supposed to not come again in five seconds? This was too good. Mew was too good. 

"Nong? Open your legs for Phi, please." Gulf would have liked to say something, anything, complain even, but he complied and opened them shily. Mew immediately ran a lubed finger over his rim. 

"Oh my god~" It felt good, and weird, but mostly good and Gulf couldn't decide if he was yearning for the touch or wanted to run away from it. 

Mew claimed his lips again, lying on top of him, his hand resting in between Gulf's spread open legs. He kissed him, again and again, while opening him slowly. It was good, so good. Gulf was soon too busy moaning to kiss back properly so he contented himself with keeping his mouth open and let the older do what he wanted with him. He felt the lube dripping down his thighs, the wetness of Mew's fingers, the slight burn as the third finger entered him but he especially felt how his whole body arched as a wave of sparks ran through him when Mew's fingers dabbed onto his prostate. Fuck, that was unlike anything Gulf ever felt. 

"How do you want it?"

"I... I don't know." Gulf wasn't thinking straight anymore. He could only see Mew, his hands on him, and in him. His whole world narrowed to only him and the pleasure the older brought him. 

"Ok Baby." Mew looked at him in the eye, and Gulf got lost in the galaxy living there. "Turn on your front for Phi." Gulf executed the demand, without complaining, sex really was softening him, damn it. "Good boy." Gulf scowled at him to the best of his ability, which wasn't a lot. He promptly ignored the way the praise made his chest tighten and his dick spurt precum.

"Hurry the fuck up." 

He felt Mew freeze on top of him. Oops. Did he upset him again? 

"Just so you know, I won't "hurry the fuck up" right now because I don't want you to end up in tears but remember you asked for it when you'll scream my name later." The dark husky chuckle made Gulf's blood boiled. Damn, he was going to get it. Gulf couldn't wait for it. 

Gulf felt Mew enter him and he unintentionally clenched down on him. Pretty hard judging by the way Mew hissed at him. He tried to relax, it wasn't that painful, just uncomfortable. It was overwhelming in a way Gulf hadn't expected. He reached behind him to grab at Mew and the older caught his hand, before bringing them both close to Gulf's chest to keep Gulf tightly against him. It was so slow and gentle, Gulf let himself drown in so much tenderness. The slow pace was driving him crazy and Mew was expertly teasing his sweet spot each time he thrust deep inside of him. 

"Is it good?" Fuck, couldn't his Phi already guess with the astronomical amount of moans escaping Gulf's lips? 

"Good, so good." Gulf barely managed to form the words and they ended up in a long whimper. 

"Remember what you said to Phi?" Gulf couldn't. He couldn't even remember his name for fuck sake. So he frenetically shook his head. 

"You said that Phi should "hurry the fuck up" right?" Maybe. Yes, Gulf might have said that. It wouldn't be a surprise if Gulf said something stupid. He's used to it.  

"I think it's time for you to own up to your words," Mew whispered into his ears and Gulf knew he was screwed. 

He quickly prayed for his ass before he felt Mew pulled him up on his knees, a hand between in shoulder blades forced him to keep his head down. Gulf felt his already flushed face redden even more at the embarrassing position. But he didn't complain. He stayed put and indulged himself in the praises Mew was giving him. He definitely was a good boy. When he wanted to be.  

Mew quickly reentered him and fucked him in earnest. Gulf let himself be manhandled and took whatever his Phi was giving him. He promised to make him scream and he ferociously achieved his goal. Gulf wrapped one of his hands around his member and stroke himself in time with the older's thrusts. He was close, so close. He could feel his insides tightening, his blood caught on fire and his skin was crackling with electricity. He didn't try to hold his release. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He never came so hard. His body went limp and pliant, his ass remaining up only because of the grip Mew had on it. His Phi promised he would end up in tears and screaming his name. And his Phi always kept his promises. 

"I can't believe..."  Gulf was whimpering at the growling whisper in his ear. "... that I manage to fuck the brattiness out of you."  

Gulf clenched down on Mew as retaliation. Did his partner really think Gulf wouldn't be a brat anymore? How foolish of him. Gulf braced himself and used the little strength he had left to fuck back against Mew. Hard. He was overstimulating himself but getting back at his Phi was top priority. 

"Fuck, you're so tight, Nong." And Gulf felt him come inside of him. Well inside the condom. And Mew crashed on his back, engulfing him into a warm hug, panting on his neck. The hug was gross. Hell, both of them were covered in sweat and their skin was sticking to one another. It was the best hug ever. Gulf turned his head and caught Mew's attention with a low whine. He pursed his lips and Mew slowly kissed him. Gentle and soft.

They both took some time to calm their heart and breathing, resting in each other arms. Gulf was feeling himself drifting off to sleep. 

"So? How was it?" Really? Now? Gulf wanted to sleep and nothing else. 

"Why? Are you fishing for compliments?" 

"No. I just want to make sure that you appreciated your little experiment. That's what it is after all." Gulf wondered if he heard some bitterness under the exasperation in Mew's voice but no, it couldn't be. Not after their spectacular orgasm. No one could be bitter after that. 

"You want an honest answer?" Mew raised an unimpressed eyebrow at him. 

"Honestly... it was the best I ever had, P'Mew." Mew beamed at him so hard Gulf almost wanted to take back the praise. 

Mew squeezed him in his arms and tightly hold on to him.

"I'm glad you liked it, Nong." 
 
Gulf hummed at the man. He was so sleepy. He vaguely felt his Phi get off the bed and something wet touching his belly. He tried to ask what is Phi was doing but it got lost on his tongue as Gulf fell asleep, content and warm. 


24th May -10h14 - Workshop Studio, Bangkok 

Mew was once again laying on their makeshift bed on the floor of the workshop studio. He was pretending to sleep while Gulf was half lying on him, as per usual, and playing on his phone. The staff had left to go get food and they were left alone. Mew didn't want to be alone with Gulf. Especially not alone, on a blanket, with Gulf sprawled on him like he owned the place. The place being Mew. Like he owned Mew. But in a way, he did right? His heart had chosen for him already. What an unexpected turn of events. 

He risked a glance at Gulf and regretted it immediately as his Nong was starring right back at him, all doe eyes, fluffy hair, and shiny retainers. 

"Were you sleeping Phi?" No, but Gulf didn't need to know that. 

"Yes Nong, I didn't sleep too well last night, Chopper was sick and I was worried about him." A little white lie wouldn't hurt right?. Sure Chopper had been a little sick in his stomach but it wasn't the reason Mew couldn't sleep for the past week. Gulf was. But again, he didn't have to know it. 

"Is he alright now?" Mew felt his heart swell at the genuine concern in his Nong's voice. Gulf wasn't uncaring but he didn't know how to express his feelings, often leaving Mew with a bitter taste in his mouth. 

"Yes, it was probably just a bug. Everything was back to normal this morning." 

"It's good he is ok now. I couldn't sleep either last night." 

"Did something happen?" Mew's heart quickened and his bloodstream turned icy. He was always worried sick for his Nong. Like a mother hen. A mother hen and a lion. What a great combo. 

"Nothing Phi, I was just restless after playing games too much, but I jerked off and after that, I fell asleep like a baby." Nop. Not hearing a thing. Mew tried his best to ignore the comment involving a part of Gulf's anatomy he absolutely didn't want to think about. 

"You shouldn't play so much, it's not good for your eyes or your sleep." 

"I know, I don't need a second mom." Gulf rolled his eyes at him so hard Mew actually worried they'd stay stuck. If Mew was crude he'd say Gulf needed to get dicked down more often so he'd sleep less late but Mew wasn't crude and he was definitely not remembering how pliant Gulf had been after they had sex. 

"You clearly can't take care of yourself so maybe you need several mothers." 

"Hmm, whatever. I'm sad though." What now? He absolutely didn't look sad, disappointed at most, maybe a bit confused but not sad. So Mew raised an eyebrow at him to tell him to spill whatever he was sad about. 

"Phi doesn't blush anymore when I say something dirty. I just said I jerked off and you didn't even react. You just went on nagging about playing video games too much." If Mew didn't blush at Gulf's comment a minute ago, he was now feeling his cheeks heat up. 

"Maybe I should have told you what I thought about while doing it." 

"I absolutely don't want to know Gulf." Mew's sanity was at stake here for god's sake. 

"I thought ab-" Mew immediately wrestled Gulf to the floor, a hand firmly closing his mouth while the other was gathering his wrists to hold him down. Mew diligently pretended he didn't hear the muffled "you" at the end of the sentence, it was better for the both of them to forget what happened between them. 

"Don't be a brat Gulf, I told you I didn't want to know." Gulf kept on cutely squirming under him, trying to free his wrists but Mew's hold was stronger and Gulf didn't stand a chance. 

"Will you be good?" Gulf shook his head no and his eyes glared at him. 

"Then I guess you won't speak before everyone came back." Mew kept his hand on Gulf's mouth. And tightened a tiny bit his hold around the wrists. Not to hurt but to show Gulf that he could struggle as much as he wanted, Mew wasn't going to release him. Gulf finally stopped resisting and went limp under Mew. 

"Will you be good now?" Mew swore if Gulf didn't say yes, he'd spank him. Well... not really because it wasn't nice and because it would create thoughts he didn't want to have right now, or ever. And his sanity thanked Gulf when he nodded his head. 

"Promise?" Another nod. 

"Be careful, you know promises are important to Phi, if you promise, don't break it." A reluctant nod later Gulf was freed and sulking. 

"You're no fun."

"I know." 

"Phi?" Why was he being all sweet and soft now? He really was a menace for Mew's heart. 

"Hmm?" 

"You should play with me and my friends tonight." 

"Why? are you short on players?" Why was Mew being difficult? He would end up saying yes anyway. 

"No, I just want you to play with me and also you can get to know my friends better, they like you."

"Really?"

"Hmm, they often ask about you and why you play so little, I told them you were working on your thesis" Is that pride in Gulf's voice? "I don't know why they are asking about you like that, you're not that interesting." The little shit. "But you really need my help if you want to win those stars one day anyway." Mew wanted to kiss him. Err. No. He didn't. He just wanted to wipe that proud smirk off of his pretty Nong's face. 

"Alright then, we can play sure." 

"Yay!" So cute. Even his quirks were cute. Mew needed help. And he needed it yesterday when his heart wasn't already hostage of his little brat. 

"Let's nap some more while waiting for the others?"

Gulf nodded and extended his arms on his side looking at the wall behind Mew. He knew it was his cue to wrap the younger into a hug. Gulf would never ask for it, he never even told Mew he liked it but Mew was starting to learn to read him beyond his words. Gulf satisfied sigh proved him right. Mew snuggled closer and tried to breathe in the scent of his boy but his nose recognized his own perfume. Right. Gulf was wearing his shirt, Mew had almost forgotten about that. When Gulf texted him this morning asking Mew to bring him a green shirt as his own were dirty, Mew was already trying his different green shirts, looking for the one that would be the comfier to attend the workshop. He only wore it a few seconds but the shirt had already soaked in his perfume and now Gulf smelled like him. He shouldn't like it that much but damn it, did he love the idea. The sleeping lion inside was waking up at that thought and he willed it to go back to sleep. Too late. He was already remembering the last time Gulf wore his shirt and smelled like him. 

Flashback

Mew was hot. And he was sweating. He tried to remove his comforter but his shoulder was pinned to the bed. He tried kicking it and the comforter whined and groaned back at him. What? Mew opened his eyes and once they got used to the blinding light they met a messy mop of black hair. It took his foggy brain a few seconds to understand what was doing this bird's nest in his bed. He reached for his phone on his bedside table. Good, they had a few hours before being needed at the workshop studio. 

Mew felt Gulf moved and he considered feigning being still asleep for a moment. But no. He was the mature one here. He could act like a responsible adult. Adults didn't pretend to be asleep when their one-night-stand was waking up. Because that's what it was, right? A one-night-stand, an experiment. The gay awaking of a 21 years old, discovering pleasure and sex with his older and more experienced friend. The aftertaste of the previous night was pretty bittersweet. The sex had been great, more than great. Exceptional. Mew had expected it, considering their outstanding chemistry it was bound to be explosive between them. But the part when he laid awake on his bed for hours after Gulf fell asleep... well... it had been awful. He wasn't the kind of man who could simply jump from one bed to another, he hated it. 

"Morning, Phi." At least that's what Mew thought he heard because the letters didn't seem to have arrived in the correct order. 

"Morning, Nong." Mew knew he could get used to this. To waking up next to this little ball of warmth, to that hair tickling his neck, to those pretty fingers grabbing his side. He knew it wouldn't happen though. So he quickly dismissed that thought and chastised himself for it. 

"Sleep well?" Gulf came even closer, almost lying on top of him.

"Hmm." As expected the boy wasn't fully awake yet. 

"Are you hungry?" Mew felt something slippery on his chest. Did Gulf just lick him? 

"Hmm." Should he order something then? He didn't really want to eat pork so early in the morning but if that's what Nong wanted... 

"Do you want to take a shower?" The cute hand that was firmly holding his side, traveled south and rested over the waistband of his underwear. A shiver ran down Mew's back and he willed his cock to stay asleep.

"Hmm." And Mew finally snapped. 

"What does "hmm" mean? Hmm Yes, Hmm No, Hmm shut up Phi?" Maybe he was a bit quick to raise his voice but damn it Gulf was already getting on his nerves and he'd only been awake for ten minutes. Only Gulf could make him go from horny to annoyed in the span of a few seconds. 

"No." 

"No what?" He was exasperated. He should have pretended to be asleep after all. 

"No to everything." Great. Gulf wasn't a morning person and Mew knew it. It didn't prevent him from wanted to strangle the boy. But then, Gulf snuggled further into his neck, breathed him in before scooting closer until he was completely lying on top of Mew. And everything was forgotten. Mew tightened his arms around him, encouraging the boy to snuggle even closer. 

"What do you want then?" Mew already knew he was infatuated by the younger but damn the softness of his own voice was just another reminder of how painfully weak he was. He was eating in his palm and Gulf knew it. Brat. 

"Fuck me again." 

Silence.

"Absolutely not." He tried to pry Gulf arms off of him but the younger was grasping him like some kind of baby octopus. 

"Please?" Mew wouldn't fall for the soft plea and the puppy eyes. His heart was on the line, he didn't want to play this game. 

"We agreed it would happen only once remember?" 

"But our once isn't over yet." What? Did Mew forget to read the small lines at the end of their contract or something? 

"What do you mean?" Instead of answering Gulf raised himself in an upright position, smoothly straddling Mew, hands digging in Mew's stomach. That's when Mew noticed the younger was wearing a shirt he wasn't wearing when he fell asleep the night before. And that shirt was definitely Mew's. It was too big, the collar falling over his collarbone, and the hickeys Mew left on his neck were on full display. God, he really was an animal, he literally ate him alive. 

"You said it would only happen once but we are still in bed so I think it isn't over yet." Mew wanted nothing more than to wipe that confident smirk off. 

"I don't want to." Well... that was only half the truth. But he was going to stay firm. He could resist. Right? 

"Are you sure? Because I want you so bad Phi. I'm so hard, look." His hand suddenly found itself on his boy's crotch, firmly pressed against the hard member hidden under the underwear. Mew instinctively wrapped his finger around it and squeezed lightly. He stopped himself after a few strokes because damn he said no already, and he wouldn't take it back. 

"If I say yes today, you'll think I'll say yes every time you'll come ask for it." Mew wanted to laugh at himself, even to him it sounded weak. 

"I won't! I promise Phi!" 

No answer. Mew could be stubborn too. 

"Come on Phiii~ You can't leave me like that." Gulf thrust his length in Mew's hands and the older started to stroke him again. He was rewarded by soft moans, it made his cock twitched.

"Please?" Mew had to be strong. 

"Pretty please?" Really, really strong. But it would be more convincing if his hand wasn't on his Nong's dick already, jerking him off. 

"P'Mew, I said please. I know you like it when I'm a good boy right? I can be a good boy for you Phi." Ok, Mew wasn't THAT strong. Who could blame him? He was popular but it wasn't every day he had a hard and cute boy on top of him, pleading for his dick. A hard and cute boy that Mew actually liked. He could only groan. He didn't know yet if it was supposed to mean yes or no. 

"Yes?" He guessed Gulf had chosen for him. 

"You're going to have to work for it, Nong." It was a threat but it didn't seem very effective. He willed himself to hold back his temper and his need to make that brat submit.

"Ok Phi." And because Gulf was a little shit who wanted his death he added "Whatever Phi wants, I'll do it." The lion inside of him roared so loud the sound actually escaped his rib cage in a growl. Gulf satisfied smirk was the final blow for Mew and he grabbed his Nong's neck before kissing him hard. He couldn't believe he had agreed to this masquerade. But here he was, tongue deep in his boy's throat, one hand fumbling with the lube and the other already pinching at Gulf's nipples. He quickly made Gulf removed his underwear, and the clumsy moves Gulf made, full of excitation and impatience, shouldn't have been this endearing. 

"Sit back on Phi." The eagerness in Gulf's moves was driving him crazy. He was everything he loved in bed. How will he ever be able to get over Gulf after last night? 

Mew brought one hand between Gulf's thighs and quickly plunged a finger into his tiny opening, then a second one immediately after feeling how loose he still was from last night. Mew relished the loud and satisfied moan Gulf let out as he deeply thrust them in. Aiming straight for the spot that would make Gulf scream. He quickly added a third finger in, encouraged by all the cute noises Gulf was making. 

"So good. Fuck, I'm good Phi." He was so cute, with his whines and his swollen lips, Mew wanted to ruin him.

"Lift your ass for Phi." 

Mew aligned his cock to Gulf's slick hole and grabbed his hips tightly. He made the younger take him fully in a few seconds. Once he was buried inside the warmth of his boy, he let out a content sigh.

"Now, you can work for it, Baby." Gulf seemed to understand as he slowly, really slowly started moving on him. It was deliciously gentle and painfully teasing. Mew let him set the pace. Gulf needed to adjust to him first. 

Then a sly smile appeared on Gulfs lips and Mew knew he had been played again. Gulf was a brat, through and through. And Mew loved it. So much. Too much. A slap on a juicy thigh later and Gulf was riding him a tiny bit quicker. Panting heavily, his head lolling aimlessly. He was beautiful. Mew ran a hand on his chest, up to his neck, caressed the skin here, and travel up to his lips. He used his thumb to pry them open and slip the finger in. Gulf eagerly sucked on it, looking straight in Mew's eyes. The boy was going to be the death of him. Mew snapped his hips up and caught Gulf as he lost his precarious balance. 

"Tired, Phi." 

"Keep going." Mew was growling again, wasn't he? Gulf was really pushing all his buttons somehow. At least, the authoritative tone made Gulf start moving again. 

"Good boy." 

The string of "Phi" leaving Gulf's lips was making it hard for Mew. His dick seemed to like it but his heart was liking it even more. It was dangerous. So Mew grabbed the younger's hips and kept him still, fucking into him fast and hard. Guilt quickly crept up his heart as he realized he was punishing the younger for unknowingly shattering his heart. But Gulf didn't know how each thrust was piercing his heart a bit more. He wasn't responsible for Mew's pain. The older slowed down his pace but Gulf sent him a deadly glare. Damn. That's it. Mew fucked him even harder. 

Gulf's hands were sliding down Mew's pecs, he was losing his supports. Nails scraping the skin, leaving deep red marks behind them. 

"Oh my god. I can't anymore." Tears were forming inside his eyes. So pretty. So, so pretty. The lion roared, satisfied. 

"Let Phi take care of you, Nong." 

Mew wrapped his arms around Gulf and turned the both of them around. Gulf tightly circled his hips with his legs. Mew couldn't think anymore, he wrapped a hand around his thigh and grabbed his hair in the other. He was only seeing Gulf, hearing Gulf, feeling Gulf. He didn't even hear himself showering Gulf with praises. He was lost in his pleasure, lost in Gulf's skin, and in his warmth. He wrapped his hand around Gulf's member, stroke it firmly and the moans got louder and louder. Then a cry. And wetness on his fingers. He looked up at Gulf. Open mouth, eyes closed tight, flushed all over. A beautiful mess. Gulf breathed in a whine and breathed out his name. And Mew came. He felt his cum filling his boy. It was running down the smooth thighs as he was fucking him through his orgasm.

Then came the realization. Fucking hell. The condom. Mew cursed himself. How did this happen? He was supposed to be the responsible one. Did Gulf completely melt his brain? Mew dropped the problem for now as he dropped on Gulf.  

Both of them were panting heavily. Mew put his face in the younger's neck, trying to hide from the harsh reality. A reality where he and Gulf would never sleep together again. A reality where Mew had to be a brother, a friend, a mentor for a boy he liked so, so much. 

He felt a hand softly caress his head. Weird. Affection wasn't really Gulf's thing. 

"P'Mew?" Mew lifted his head to look at Gulf. 

"You forgot the condom."  Of course, Gulf would blame him. But he didn't look mad.

"I'm so sorry, Nong." 

"I don't mind Phi. I'm clean, you know I didn't have a lot of partners." The understatement of the year. And Mew liked that thought very much, the lion inside was purring. 

"Still, Phi's sorry. I should have remembered. I've got tested a few months ago, I'm good too." His heart fluttered at the shy smile Gulf gave him. Boy really was different after sex. Mew wanted to enjoy it while it lasted, the feisty kitten would be back sooner or later. He cuddled him tightly and when he felt Gulf starting to fall back asleep he remembered they had to get up and head to the workshop studio. 

"Nong?" An unidentified sound answered him. "You should head to the shower, I'll make you breakfast." Gulf sleepily nodded in his head. 

Mew sat on the bed, ready to go start the shower for Gulf when he was pulled back down. 

"You're sure you don't want to change your mind?" 

"About what?" Playing dumb again, wasn't he? 

"Can't we do it again Phi?" 

"Gulf, I already told you. I won't be your sex friend, I'm not Tharn." 

"It's not the same Phi, Tharn was in love with Type." Aow. That hurt a little. As if Mew wasn't as desperate as Tharn for someone to love unconditionally.  

"It doesn't change anything. I agreed because I wanted you to be able to experiment with someone safe, but I don't make a habit of sleeping with my friends, Nong."

"So... it's a no?" The massive pout on Gulf's face was tearing Mew's soul in two. That boy was a menace. 

"It's a no." But it was easier to keep his thoughts straight now that he didn't have a horny Gulf straddling him. 

"Shower. Go. Now." 

"Ok Phi. Can I have one last kiss?" Mew should have said no. 

He leaned down and kissed him softly anyway. 

He headed to the kitchen, heart heavy. The lion was whimpering in pain. He closed his eyes. Willed himself to regain his composure. When he opened his eyes again, he took his phone and ordered them breakfast. Everything was normal. It had to be. 

End of flashback

Mew shooked his head, dissipating the memory. Gulf was looking weirdly at him. He must have kept quiet for too long. He gave his Nong a smile, and Gulf's thoughtful face disappeared. Huh, Gulf's hair was all messy. A few strokes of his fingers later and the boy was sheepishly smiling at Mew, clearly satisfied. The younger handed him his script. 

"We should rehearse before they come back, I'm not sleepy anymore" Mew nodded and wordlessly open the script where they had left their last rehearsal. Really? Was the universe having fun torturing him? Episode 4. He must have been cursed somehow. The younger hadn't brought up the forbidden subject since that night. What were the probabilities that Gulf would behave and not use it to tease Mew, now? Close to zero. 

They lied down next to each other, scripts on the floor. Mew looked at Gulf and gave him a go-ahead signal. 

"Hey." Gulf dragged his foot on Mew's thighs and kicked him lightly. 

"Hey!" Second kick. Harder this time. Mew willed himself to stay calm. It was Type kicking Tharn, not Gulf kicking Mew. 

"Tharn, get up, and come to eat breakfast." Type's signature frown was resting cutely on Gulf's forehead. 

"What time is it?" Mew rolled on his back, feigning stretching his limbs. His shirt rid up a bit and his abs immediately caught Gulf's attention. Mew saw him wet his lips distractedly and his hand came to rest on the firm stomach. Weird but not unusual for them to touch random parts of each other's body. 

"Ten O'clock" A nail scratched the exposed skin. Mew's breath itched. He should just pull down his shirt but something was holding him back. Gulf's blatant attraction to him was pleasing, comforting. It was the only thing the younger had to give him. He knew he shouldn't play games. He knew it. Gulf wouldn't understand why he was letting him do that only to reject him later. But, it was innocent enough for now. So he indulged himself a bit longer. 

"This is the first time I see you drunk." 

"A senior invited me to watch him sing at a pub. And he bought me a drink." Mew tried to focus on the script, ignoring how his blood was turning into embers slowly catching fire. He grabbed his water bottle, wanting to cool down. 

"So? Why don't you want me to go home?" But the water didn't drown the fire. He felt his muscle tense as the hand on his abs was slowly descending south until -

"Have sex with me."  Gulf's hand had slipped under his pants' waistband. What the hell? Mew grabbed his wrist, squeezing a bit too much and Gulf winced in pain. 

"What are you doing?" Mew was fuming. His heart ringing in his ears, his blood boiling. What was going on in that brat's head? Deep breath. He didn't want to explode. 

"Sorry." Mew wasn't letting go. "ah, ah, ah, too tight Phi. Fuck." 

"What were you doing Gulf? Answer me." Mew softened his grip not wanted to hurt the boy, but he wouldn't let him go before he had an answer. 

"I..." Gulf glared at him. "I don't know, I'm sorry." Gulf wasn't looking very apologetic. What was wrong with that boy? 

"You're crossing the line, Nong." Voice harsh and cold, eyes glaring. Mew was hoping his infamous intimidating aura would work on Gulf. He never used it on him before but this mess needed to stop. It would be bearable for neither of them.

"I know, I'm really sorry." Now he looked a bit more sincere. His expression was still more annoyed than sorry. Huh, Mew really put himself in a mess again. 

"I'm serious Gulf. You can't pull that kind of shit like that. What is it? Feeling lonely? Horny? Want Phi to fuck you again?" Shit, he was just being mean now. But Gulf's reaction though. The brat just bit his lips and looked at him with hooded eyes. Could he not, please? Mew's self-control and patience were already close to inexistent. 

"Stop that." Gulf didn't even divert his eyes. "Gulf!" Finally, it seemed like he regained his sense and Gulf blinked rapidly at Mew. No. Just no. He couldn't be cute right now. Mew couldn't handle that, his head was already spinning. His lungs felt tight, his mind's foggy and erratic. He couldn't let his temper get the best of him. He had agreed. It was his own fault, his own mess. Gulf hadn't forced him. He had to own up to his own choices and couldn't blame it all on the younger. He knew the risks and the consequences. 

"I-" 

"No. Don't say anything. Phi is sorry for speaking to you like that. It was uncalled for and unnecessary." Mew released the younger's wrists. No red marks. Good. The fog was dissipating. He could breathe again. 

"But Phi... you're right though." Mew felt his eyes widened and he couldn't look away from Gulf. This mix of sly cuteness and bratty bluntness was doing it for him. He loved it. And staying away from it was freaking hard. The hardest thing he ever had to do. 

"Right about what?" Mew didn't really want to know but they couldn't let the situation fester. 

"I do want you to fuck me again." A deep sigh left Mew's lungs and he closed his eyes slowly, letting himself flop down on his back again. He didn't know what to do anymore. Gulf didn't want to understand. He wasn't even mad anymore, just disheartened. 

"But I don't want to." Not like that at least. Because God, did he want to. He wanted nothing more.

"You don't want me?"  Of course, he wanted him.

"No." A big fat lie. And the hurt in Gulf's eyes, as much as it was slicing his heart, wouldn't make him waver. 

"Really? 

"Really." And if his voice was laced with uncertainty, Mew couldn't care less. 

"Oh... Then... I'm really sorry. I thought... never mind, let's go back to the script. I promise I'll behave." Gulf gave him a forced smile and Mew did the only thing he knew would make Gulf feel better. He pulled him in his arms and held the script in front of them. His other hand naturally finding Gulf's tummy. It was warm. Soft. Calm. The opposite of his inner struggle. 

"Remember that you promised, Nong." Promises were important. "I didn't want to be mean, I'm sorry about that. But you need to respect my boundaries, ok?" 

"I know but I can't forget it phi." Here they were again. They were just going in circles. It was exhausting. 

"You don't have to, but it can't happen again." 

"I know but- "

"No but. Think about your career." Career, family, Mew's heart? So many reasons to nip this nonsense in the bud. 

 "No one has to know." The light desperation in Gulf's voice was almost painful. If he could, Mew would give him everything he ever wanted. Of course, he would. But he couldn't crucify his heart just to ease Gulf's sexual frustration. That wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair. 

"Gulf, you are not listening. I told you I didn't want this kind of relationship." 

"I know." So much frustration and incomprehension poured out of the younger's voice. "I don't know what's my problem." 

"You don't have a problem. You're lonely, I get it. I take care of you a lot so it must make you confused. Give it some time and it will go away." The lion whimpered, beaten to the ground, by his own hand. His heart was in pieces again, and it was his own doing. 

"Give it sometimes and it will go away." Who was he trying to convince? 

Chapter Text

5th June - 9h54 - TharnType's filming set 

Give it some time and it will go away? That was some good advice. Spoiler alert, it didn't go away. Not in the slightest. But Mew was surviving. Mostly. Kind of. 

Filming had started a few days ago, and Mew was enjoying every second of it. The filming crew was nice and fun, the location's simple but comfortable, and his little co-star was behaving so well it was almost suspicious. 

They were sprawled on the king-sized bed in the room the crew called the MewGulf Room as they spend all their downtime here, sleeping or playing games. Gulf was playing on his phone, cursing and swearing when he died once again. Mew was working on his laptop, back against the headboard. Well... working was a bit of a stretch. He was supposed to be working on his thesis but one of his hands was too busy rubbing Gulf's belly, soothing him from his multiple defeats, and his other hand could only write that much on its own.  

In his defense, he did try to get his hand back and actually work but Gulf had grabbed it before it had fully left his belly and kept it there, glaring at him. What a spoiled brat. So Mew had no choice but to start his little ministrations again. 

"P'Mew~" Oh. Mew knew that tone. It was the tone that said Gulf was going to ask for something and Mew would do it because he was weak and helpless. 

"Hmm?" 

"Hungry~" Spoiled. Brat. That's what Gulf was. The older man knew he was partially responsible for it. He was weak for cute and round things, it wasn't really his fault. In fact, Mew was blaming genetics for that. How else could he explain his natural and unavoidable tendency to give in every time Gulf or Chopper used their puppy eyes on him? He tried to glare at Gulf but the younger's cute pout melted Mew's heart on the spot, so Mew was already removing his laptop from his knees. He reached for his backpack sitting by the bed and gave Gulf the energy bars he packed for him. He knew his boy would whine he was hungry in the middle of the morning, as he often forgot to take a proper breakfast before coming on set.  

"Thank you, Phi~." If Mew had ever forgotten why he always gave in to Gulf, that cheeky blinding smile the younger gave him was a wake-up call. He'd never win against that hear-shaped smile. 

"P'Mew~" What now? Thirsty maybe?  

"What?"

"Thirsty~" There. Too easy. Too damn easy. Mew should really reconsider his priorities. Pleasing that boy shouldn't be his number one. 

"There is a bottle right beside you." On the bedside table to be precise. Gulf had only to extend his arm and he would reach it. 

"But this one is lukewarm, I want yours." 

"Seriously?" His own bottle was equally lukewarm as both bottles were given at the same time and stayed in the same room. They were the same. Exactly the same. Mew felt his annoyance rise. He turned his head to look at Gulf, ready to tell him off and met the cutest doe eyes. Long lashes delicately brushing the skin under Gulf's eyes as he purposefully slowed down his blinking. His eyes involuntary drifted down his mouth and he couldn't help but stare at the full and pink lips, drawn in a pout. God help him, he could vividly remember what those lips tasted like, what they felt like against his own and he desperately wanted them again. Wait. He was getting sidetracked. Water. Bottle. Annoying brat. No lips, no kisses, no nothing. Water bottle for Nong. That's it. And Mew finally snapped out of his thoughts, giving his drink to Gulf without further complaints. 

"Phi~ I'm cold." What the hell? Did Gulf think Mew was his personal assistant or something? 

"Will you stop complaining, Nong?" His voice should have been a little harsh, but it came out pleading. To hell his crush, his mushy heart, and his damn protective instinct. 

"What? It's not my fault if I'm cold." The pout was back in full-force, combined with some sad eyes and Mew felt his heart clenched, his stomach tightened and his brain melted at the adorable sight. 

"Let me grab your blanket then." Sigh. He was wrapped around his Nong's little finger. At least, it was a beautiful little finger. If it was of any consolation. 

"No." Huh?

"You don't want your blanket?" A headache was slowly making itself comfortable in Mew's head. 

"No." Mew might grow white hair soon. He could feel it. What could his Nong want then? It should have been simple. Cold Nong. Blue blanket. Not cold anymore. Happy Nong. 

"Then, what do you want?" Mew's fingers itched at the mischievousness in the younger's eyes. Was it wrong to strangle your co-star? Would he even survive in prison? 

"Find something else." 

As the boy left him speechless, he was racking his brain out, trying to decipher what his boy wanted. What could keep him warm? He didn't have any spare hoodies with him, or he would have given it to him already. He wasn't even wearing one himself. 

"Hurryyyyyy~"

Only Gulf could make him dissolve into a mushy pool of feelings and want to kill him with his bare hands at the same time. He had to be strong though, strangling your co-star was still illegal.

"What do you want then? I can't read your mind you know." His tone was getting annoyed and the effect on Gulf was obvious. He immediately closed off and his mood turned sour, shoulders hunching in a defensive posture. Such a pain. Why couldn't he talk like any normal human being? 

"You know what I want." Great, Nong was sulking now. He needed to think. No matter how annoying his brat could be, he couldn't let him sulk. Pleasing him was more important, it was necessary. A need. Think. He had to think. Gulf. Warmth. He looked around the room and wondered what could be warm enough for his always cold Nong. The room was minimalistic, with a bed, bedside tables, an uncomfortable chair, and an empty closet. Mew had his backpack with him and Gulf had left his on set. And they were both there. That's it. What could Gulf want from him? There was nothing aside from him. Wait. Did that mean...

"By any chance... Do you maybe want a hug?"

A shrug of shoulders and an undefined sound was his only answer. 

"Do you?"

A second undefined sound answered him. Was that a yes? Was it? Whose head was going to end up in the wall? His or Gulf's? His patience had limits. 

"Huh, you're such a pain I swear, I'm working you know. I don't have time to play games with you, Nong." 

"Liar, you wrote 20 words in the last half an hour." Brat. A brat who's right but a brat nonetheless. 

"Whose fault is that? You took Phi's hand in hostage." And sure, maybe Mew was strong enough and if he had really wanted to, he could have got it back easily and work but the younger's tummy was his personal weakness. 

"Phiiii, coooold~" The whine pierced Mew's eardrums and he winced. Since when Nong could hit such a high note. Aow. It hurt. 

"Alright, alright, stop whining, please." Neither his ears nor his heart would survive another attack. 

"Come here, I'll keep you warm." Gulf beamed at him and Mew couldn't help but feel like he had won at life. He discarded his computer somewhere on the bed and pulled the younger into his arms, the younger's back resting against his chest. Mew sneaked his arms around his co-star's slim waist and his hands found their natural position on Gulf's belly. Damn. So squishy. Mew was starting to worry. Did he develop some kind of fetish for bellies? Was it even healthy to be drawn by Nong's tummy like that? 

As they were cuddling, Mew dropped his head in his Nong's neck, breathing in his scent. It wasn't something new for them but it definitely felt different now that he knew what Gulf smelled like after being loved. Damn. He promised himself not to think about it. He shouldn't. He couldn't. Since that day, Mew's head had been a mess. He was hiding it well, he hoped at least, but he was constantly walking on a thin wire. High in the air, his balance was precarious and he was scared to fall into the void underneath it. He was so scared to fall. To fall in love with this cute and annoying brat. He couldn't let that happen. His crush needed to go, and soon. He felt helpless in front of his own heart. When it was telling him he should let himself go and fall, his brain was fighting back. No. He couldn't. Gulf was endearing, smart, and fun. He was cute and sassy, and even if Mew wanted to smother him more often than not, he was still the best thing that ever happened in Mew's life. Gulf was taking so much space in his life already. He was his co-star, his Nong, his friend, his boy. He was his to protect, his to take care of. His. If Gulf needed anything, he would come to Mew. He felt needed, wanted. In some way. And it was enough. It really was. Mew hoped it would be enough for as long as possible. Because, damn, he couldn't see a future where he wasn't needed. Mew knew the younger wanted him some other ways too. Obviously, he knew. He was there. He agreed. He fucked him. And he couldn't forget about it. He already denied Gulf twice. He was hoping Gulf wouldn't dare to ask again. He'd say yes. He knew it. He couldn't forget. He just... he couldn't. It was engraved in his memory, it was dancing behind his eyelids at night, swirling in his dreams. He really hoped Gulf would never bring it up again. Because he'd say yes. Because he wanted to make his Nong happy. And he wanted to be happy. And loved. 

But taking care of Gulf would have to be enough. He just wanted Gulf to be happy. To enjoy his time on set, with him and with the crew. Gulf was even starting to make friends.  

"Oh, Nong, I wanted to ask you. I saw you talking to that sound engineer guy, did you make a new friend?" It came out a bit muffled as his face was still buried in Gulf's neck. Warm breath over naked skin. He dutifully ignored the little goosebumps decorating the golden skin. 

"Why? Jealous?" Mew couldn't see his face but he could bet his Nong was sporting his trademark satisfied little smile. Huh, as if Mew was that possessive. He wasn't. The lion inside his chest might have laughed if it was able to.

"No." He huffed. "Why would I be jealous, Phi can't be your only friend." He laughed and it might have sounded just a tiny bit forced, nothing Gulf would notice anyway. 

"Sure..." Cheeky. 

"So is he nice? What's his name? I can't remember everyone yet." Maybe Mew knew his name and maybe he went and asked other staff members what they thought about him... What? Better be safe than sorry, right? He wasn't possessive, just worried. He also wanted his Nong to talk, it was always a bit difficult to find something to talk about. The young man wasn't really talkative, to say the least. 

"Name's P'Hugo, he's nice and fun." He felt Gulf snuggle closer to his chest. "We joke a lot, his jokes are the best Phi!" The younger nearly bumped their head in his excitement. "But you wouldn't get them, your sense of humor is pretty bad." 

"Stop dissing Phi." Mew was pouting and the urge to bite the skin of his neck as retaliation was strong. He didn't. "Do you hate me?" 

"I like Phi." Mew's heart skipped a beat while Gulf rolled his eyes.

"Hmm good." Mew rubbed his nose on the skin on his Nong's neck. He heard Gulf sigh in contentment. How cute. He wanted to snuggle even closer but they couldn't get any closer. Or they'd have to fuse their molecules somehow. 

"I'm happy you made a friend, Nong." He really was. He wasn't overreacting. Mew's always so worried Gulf would feel lonely. And he knew it wasn't a nice feeling. Not nice at all. 

"I'm not that hopeless, Phi. I have many friends from uni and high-school." 

"I know but I'm worried you'd feel lonely on set when I'm not here."

"You won't be there?" Aow. The offended tone puzzled Mew and the sudden tension in Gulf's body even more. He knew Gulf wouldn't be happy but he wasn't expecting him to be that disappointed. Mew tightened his arms around the tiny waist he was holding, trying to comfort the younger. But Gulf squirmed his way out of his arms and turned to face him. Serious eyes, deep frown, an unamused pout. Mew was in trouble. 

"Well, when I don't have a scene I'll stay home and study, right?." Or maybe not? Mew was starting to doubt himself, maybe he should bring his work and do it on set. That could work. 

"Really?" The younger looked dejected. And Mew couldn't help the wave of satisfaction crashing his body. He was needed, wanted. God, it felt amazing. 

"Why? Do you want me to be here with you?" He just had to say yes and Mew would do it. Of course, he would do it. He'd do anything for the boy.

"No." Disappointment and bitterness washed off the satisfaction and Mew was feeling empty again. Mew knew Gulf wasn't meaning it, the boy was just tight-lipped but he was still hurt. He was too sensitive. He needed to toughen up. Mew hated that. The constant need for reassurance. Feeling upset over nothing. God, he was the hopeless one. 

"Ok, then you don't need me." He diverted his gaze, looking intensely at the paint on the wall, noticing every little crack on it. Huh, the room could use a little makeover. 

"No." Gulf was sulking too, his tone cold and detached. Great. They were cuddling 5 minutes ago, all happy and warm, and now? Sulking. Just great. 

Mew was contemplating leaving Gulf alone. If the younger wanted to sulk then he could sulk on his own. And Mew could go and have fun with the rest of the cast. Easy. He should do it. He could get up and leave. Right now. Damn. He won't do it. He couldn't leave him.

"You have to come." It was a clear demand. But Gulf's voice was laced with insecurities. That was new. For all of Gulf's bluntness, expressing actual feelings was a challenge. Mew reached for the younger's hand, intertwining their fingers. 

"Why?" Mew hoped softness would help Gulf to speak his mind for once. It was worth a try. 

"Because Type needs Tharn to exist." Right. But...

"Does Gulf needs Phi though?"

"Maybe..." 

Silence.

"Yes. I need you obviously, don't play dumb, Phi." The cute confession was spoken in such an annoyed and harsh tone Mew didn't know if he should be happy or offend. What a brat. Why the younger could never indulge him? So mean. 

"I'm not. You're so tight-lipped, I never know what you think or what you need." Understatement of the year. The only thing Gulf ever been forward with was scolding him when they played ROV and asking him to sleep with him. Great. Just great. 

"That's not true, Phi always knows what I need." And like that, Mew's heart felt warm again, a small fire glowing slowly in his chest, its tiny flames teasing his throat.

"Really?" But Mew was greedy and he always craved more from his Nong. More reassurance, more compliments, more of everything. 

"Hmmm... don't show off though." Mew beamed at him and gathered him in his arms again. Content. It was scary how his whole world was already revolving around his Nong. He had so much power over his mood and his feelings. One word and Mew was smiling, another and he was feeling like time had stopped around him. The ember of his love was catching fire faster than expected. 

"Oh! Phi!" Mew was startled out of his thoughts by Gulf's loud exclamation. Shit, he must have been losing years of life with Gulf's daily outbursts. 

"What?"

"Next week we have the event for that award." Mew nodded at him, waiting for the younger to go on. 

"I don't want to go." Come again? 

"Why?" They didn't really have that much of a choice anyway. 

"There will be so many people P'Mew, and it will be tiring." Gulf scowled at him like Mew was responsible for it. 

"I'll be with you the whole time, Nong." It wouldn't be like their first award show. He wouldn't let Gulf out of his sight. Not even for a second. What if anyone tried to approach his Nong? No way. He won't let that happen. 

"I know. But I don't feel like going." Gulf was fidgeting with his hands, there was more to this than Gulf was willing to tell. Mew took both of his Nong's restless hands in his own, rubbing his thumbs over the younger's knuckles. 

"What is it really?" 

"I..." 

Silence. 

"You know you can tell Phi everything right?" Mew rubbed his head on Gulf's neck, still sitting behind him. How he wished Gulf could confide in him without having to force every word out of him. 

"I know I just... I don't know why but I don't want to go." 

"Are you feeling anxious?" 

"Mmm." 

"You don't have to worry, Gulf. Nothing is expected of us. We can just go, look handsome for the camera and we'll be home before you know it." It wasn't exactly true but Gulf didn't need the additional pressure. He could do all the work there and let his Nong relax and enjoy the event. 

"But Phi.. they'll want us to act all lovey-dovey... I don't like to pretend." Mew ignored the slight offense in Gulf tone and his own offense at the comment. 

"We don't have to. We are pretty lovey-dovey already." He laughed at his joke and Gulf let out a cute chuckle too. Good job. "Look at you, all soft and cozy in my arms." Maybe it wasn't the right time to tease but who could blame him? Gulf was too easy to rile up. As soon as the comment escaped him, Gulf tried to get out of his arms. That won't happen. Nop. 

"No, no, no, you stay here." Voice deep and demanding, muscles tightening, caging him between his arms. Mew felt the shudder that traveled Gulf's body. And he ignored it. He was doing a lot of ignoring lately. At least the boy stayed put. 

"We really don't have to pretend, Yai Nong." Mew never pretended with him anyway. Did Gulf? He hoped not, that would be worst than Gulf rejecting his affection. 

"Stop calling me that! It makes me feel girly." Gulf whined at him. Pouting and scowling. But the blush on his cheeks was telling Mew a whole other story. So damn cute. 

"It isn't girly, it's cute and you're blushing." Mew manhandled him around a bit, shaking him from side to side, enjoying the pliant and soft body against him until the younger stopped frowning. 

"Whatever." Gulf huffed at him. But at least he seemed less anxious. 

"So... we really don't have to do fanservice?" 

"We don't. We can just act as we usually do. I don't want you to force yourself. But if you agree I'll just act as I do now, keep you close, cuddle you, hold you by your waist." Their baseline for skinship might have been a bit different than what was expected for two male friends, but who cared?

"Why would it bother me? I always let Phi do whatever he wants with me anyway." The lion purred in satisfaction. And for all of Mew's whining about Gulf's lack of affection, the younger had a point. He always let Mew drag him around, cuddle the shit out of him, and let him rub his face all over him like he was marking his damn territory. He really was a freaking animal. 

"You know how rumors are fast, I don't want you to read nasty things on social media and blame it all on me at the end."

"I won't. I'm an adult. I know how to handle myself." Mew could only huff in disagreement. 

"Really P'Mew, I won't blame you. Maybe we shouldn't be as close as we are usually though. Maybe we can tone it down a bit." 

"Sure." Mew couldn't help but feel a bit hurt at that comment but he hid it carefully under a reassuring smile. 

"Ok. Good. It will be ok. I mean what can happen right?" Gulf laughed and it sounded fake. 

"Nothing will happen, stop worrying your pretty head, Yai Nong." Gulf finally relaxed in Mew's arms and the older hoped he had done a descend enough job at reassuring his Nong. They could stay like that a bit longer, cuddled up and warm. Until someone would come to get them on set. 

 


 

12th June - 23h07 - Daradaily Event Venue, BKK

Give it some time and it will go away? What a fucking joke. 

Gulf was pacing in the hallway, waiting for his Phi to get out of the toilets. He was frustrated. So frustrated. His yellow suit was itchy and he wanted to remove his too-tight dress shirt. His make-up was making his skin dry and irritated. Fuck. Everything was getting on his nerves. The event went pretty ok. As Phi had planned not much had been expected of him. Looking pretty and pausing for the fans had been all they had to do. But then, P'Best had to leave in a hurry for a family emergency and he had asked Mew to take him home. 

It was a trap.

Gulf couldn't be left alone in a car with his Phi right now. He was too worked up after the event. Mew had been dashing in his yellow suit and Gulf wanted nothing more than to tear it off of him. But no. Gulf promised to behave. Mew didn't want him. He said it himself. Even if... Gulf saw the glances he was giving him all night, and his behavior had been... unexpected. 

The older's arm never left his waist, protective and possessive. His eyes never abandoned him, even when Mew was talking to others he kept Gulf at arm's reach, constantly making sure the younger wasn't wandering off. And the hunger. Gulf was sure it was there, in his Phi's sharp gaze. It was almost too intense. To the point that their friends and cast members were avoiding them. No one had been willing to bear with Mew's overwhelming aura. Gulf knew he looked particularly pretty tonight, his curly hair and his suit complimenting his lean figure had earned him hundred of compliments on Twitter tonight. And even if someone had wanted to approach him, his Phi's aura was guarding him so strongly no one would have been brave enough to try anything.

Back to the main problem. How was he supposed to behave and not jump his partner in the car? It was all so confusing and Gulf's mind was fogged with lust, his stomach was a mess, and his chest tight. Just imagining being alone in a secluded place was making him restless. Fuck. He couldn't do it. He should call his mom. Yes. That was the solution. He'd call his mom and he wouldn't have to find a hundred ways to keep his dick down. 

Gulf was fishing his phone from his too damned tight pants when Mew emerged from the bathroom. Fuck. Too late. 

"You're ready?" Mews beamed at him and his smile, wide and beautiful, made Gulf's heart constricted. So beautiful. Fuck. He needed to stop staring. Right now. 

"Yes..." Mom? Or not? "I..." Why was he always so flustered by the older? 

"Are you ok?" Nod. "Let's get you home then." Gulf couldn't form a coherent answer, panic paralyzing his brain, and let himself be dragged down the hall to the parking lot. 

Breathe. He had to breathe. But Mew's hand had sneaked under his blazer and it was burning the skin of his lower back through his shirt. Gulf had greatly underestimated how worked up he was. The simple touch was starting a fire in the pit of his stomach. He was so focused on trying to control his hard-on he didn't notice they had already reached Mew's car. The parking lot was mostly empty and the white car was hidden in a corner, away from fans' sight. 

Gulf let Mew opened his door and he got in without complaining about the gentle gesture. Mew followed him and immediately removed his blazer, trying to get comfortable. The shirt the older's was wearing was straining over his chest. Fuck. Dead kittens. Dead puppies. Toothless grandmas. Ok. Good. 

"Get comfortable Nong. It will take at least half an hour to get to your parents' house."

Comfortable? Gulf was anything but comfortable. Mew had already unbuttoned the first three buttons of his shirt during the event and when he reached for the fourth one Gulf squirmed in his seat. Toothless grandmas! It didn't work. Fuck. 

Gulf was suffocating, want clawing at his throat, constricting his respiratory tract, leaving him breathless. He removed his own jacket. He was still burning but at least he wouldn't soak the jacket with sweat. 

"Are you sure you're ok? You don't look too good." Well, thanks. 

"I'm ok. I'm just... hot." He barely managed to hold the "for you" threatening to spill from his lips. He could behave for fuck's sake. 

"Let me turn the AC on." His Phi started fumbling with the car's touch screen and soon a cool wave hit Gulf's sweaty neck. The temperature gap forcing a shiver to run down his back. 

Gulf thought he was out of danger but Mew still reached for his forehead, feeling his temperature with his hand. He then dragged it down his cheek, then his neck. And Gulf trembled. 

Mew looked at him curiously and Gulf knew he wouldn't be able to keep his promise. He licked his lips, and Mew's eyes zeroed on them. For a long moment. Before he slowly lifted his gaze and their eyes met. Dark orbs of endless complexity. 

"Phi~" Fuck. It sounded like a moan. Did Mew notice? He really hoped not.

"Gulf?" Mews's stare kept going back and forth from his eyes to his lips. And Gulf was drowning. His words were blocked at the back of his throat. "I wanted to say that... you looked particularly pretty today. I like what they did with your hair." And he lightly ran his hand in Gulf's hair, pretending to fix a messy strand. 

Mew's gaze lingered on the young man, a bit dazed and unfocused, he looked ready to snap. Maybe it was his chance. But Gulf was also confused. Mew did say he didn't want him. Gulf didn't forget how hurt and unworthy he felt in that workshop room. But now his Phi looked like he could devour him whole. What had changed? What happened last time that would have made Mew unwilling to sleep with him again? The sex had been amazing. But maybe... maybe it had been good only for Gulf after all. But it wasn't his fault he was inexperienced! He could learn. He just had to convince his Phi to let him try again. He could do better. So much better. 

Mew's hand seemed to be glued to the younger's hair, just above his neck. His eyes kept glancing back to Gulf's lips, an involuntary move his Phi seemed so desperate to control. Gulf could swear he felt the older's buzzing energy from where he was sitting. He softly put his hand on Mew's arm, caressing his way to the man's well-defined bicep. His fingers dug into the hard muscles, wrinkling his pretty grey shirt. 

"Phi, you should give me another chance." There, he said it. Good boy.

"Another chance?" Mew looked genuinely confused, his gaze following Gulf's lips movements. Confusion and desire dancing in his dark orbs. 

"Yes. I know why you don't want to fuck me again." Mew's eyes widened at the blunt statement. The hand that was still in Gulf's hair flexed uncontrollably and pulled on it, making the younger wince. 

"What?" 

"I know it must have been disappointing for you as I'm so inexperienced with men." Gulf dropped his gaze in shame, admitting it was harder than he thought. 

"What?"

Was Mew glitching again? He looked like Gulf was explaining to him how quantic physics worked. Even though his Phi probably knew more about that subject than Gulf anyway. Saying it once had been difficult. As if it wasn't hard enough, Mew had to choose this moment for his brain to stop functioning. Just his luck. But alright. He needed to try again.

"P'Mew, try to follow ok? You said you didn't want me anymore, but Phi looks like he wants me right now."

Mew didn't answer but his head was inching closer and closer like he was pulled by a magnet.

"So the only conclusion is that you are attracted to me but you didn't have a very good time the other night." Gulf's pride was crucified in offering to any gods that would help him to convince his Phi. Mew liked it when Gulf was honest so Gulf would give him honesty. Brutal honesty. 

"So I want you to give me another chance, I can learn! I swear I'm not that bad." He desperately wanted to prove it to his Phi. Fuck. He was so desperate. Why was he even this desperate? It was just sex, it wasn't like he was in love for fuck's sake. 

"Gulf... I-" 

"Please P'Mew." 

"Nong-" 

"Phi, you can do that for me right?" Fuck. He was doing it again, right? Being pushy and manipulative? 

"Gulf, it has nothing to do with being good or bad in ... in bed or anything." 

"What?" So Gulf really was the problem? "But you said I looked pretty tonight." Could he stop sounding so hopeless? It was starting to get really annoying. 

"You are, Yai Nong." He caressed his cheek, looking thoughtful. "So pretty" 

Gulf took his Phi's hand, made it slide toward his mouth, brushing his lips with Mew's long fingers, before continuing its travel down his neck, then his chest. It tightened on his tummy. Gulf was in a daze. He wasn't responsible for his own acts anymore. If Mew rejected him again then he wouldn't know how to cope. He forced the hand further south and let it rest on his erection. 

"I waited Phi. And it didn't go away." He refrained a whimper as Mew's hand closed around his aching dick. 

"I know Yai Nong, I know." He looked so conflicted. Why was it so hard for Mew to just admit he wanted him? It could have been so simple. 

"And for you?" 

"Same." His eyes were so dark, Gulf couldn't discern his iris from his pupils. It was scary and enticing. "You make me so fucking hard, Nong." 

Gulf loved this side of Mew. The older didn't allow himself to show it often but when he was, it was making Gulf blood boiled and his skin burned. 

"I can help with that, Phi. You can teach me." 

"Teach you what?" He looked so lost like he wasn't really there with Gulf.

Gulf didn't answer and reached for Mew's pants. The older let him, watching him intensely. Waiting for the right moment to stop him probably.

"Phi always says he likes my mouth the best." Gulf undid the buttons of Mew's pants, uncertainty probably written on his face, accentuating the blush creeping on his cheeks. As his Phi didn't stop him, he also opened the zipper. Fuck, Mew was so hard already. 

"I..." 

Gulf wanted nothing more than to replace that confused look with one of pleasure. 

"Wouldn't Phi likes to fuck my mouth?" His bluntness made Mew choke on his spit, eyes wide and wild, roaming all over Gulf's face, searching for something. An answer maybe? An answer to which question exactly? 

"Nong, no, that's... no. You don't have to. I can touch you if you want." Mew had caught his hands, preventing him from opening his slacks any further. 

"But I want to try." Gulf knew he was scowling, Phi wouldn't be surprised if he was being stubborn, anyway. He should be used to it by now.  

"You really want to give your first blowjob in a damn car, Yai Nong?" 

"Yes." Because he did. He really did. Why would it matter if it was in a car or not? Gulf felt thankful for the tinted glass and the night immersing them in darkness, nonetheless. 

"I'm not..." He stopped mid-sentence as Gulf bit his lower lip and Mew's eyes dropped on it. Transfixed. Hypnotized. And he didn't look like he intended to finish it. 

Gulf sneaked his hand in the older man's pants, squeezed the warm length and Mew threw his head on the car head-rest. He must have been doing something right. Thank God. 

He glanced at Mew and saw his Phi with his eyes closed, and he took advantage of his Phi's distraction to take his dick out of his pants. Fuck. It was so warm and hard. Gulf had no idea since when a dick could get him going like that, but he won't dwell on it, he liked what he liked and that was it. No need to overthink everything. He wasn't Mew after all. 

A few strokes later, he gathered his courage and leaned over his Phi's lap, shifting on his car seat. He was sure his back would hurt like hell by the end of the night. Whatever. He had a plan. He was going to do it exactly like Mew had done to him the other night. Easy peasy. Sucking dicks wasn't rocket science. As he was opening his mouth, Mew grabbed his hair, gently tugging on it until Gulf looked at him. 

"Are you sure?" 

Gulf answered him by closing his mouth around the hot shaft and he heard Mew's breathe hitched lightly. The weight on his tongue was strange. But he had a plan. And he was going to follow it. Event the gear stick stabbing his hip would not deter him. He sucked on the tip, teasing gently, listening to Mew's every sound, a breathing intake, a moan, a grunt. Stored all this information in his brain, trying to remember it all. Running his tongue on the underside of his cock, licking at the tip, he tried them all and reproduced the ones that could bring the loudest sounds out of his Phi. He was a man on a mission. He felt his cock straining against his pants, he felt it grew harder as he kept sucking and licking at his Phi's dick. He wanted to touch himself, or for Mew to touch him but his position wouldn't allow it. However, he had underestimated the size of his Phi's member and the strain on his jaw appeared a lot quicker than expected. 

Mew was unmistakably struggling to keep his hips still. And it annoyed Gulf. He wanted to make Mew lose his control. Like Mew make him go crazy. He opened his mouth a bit wider, sinking down on the hard cock until it hit the back of his throat. And he chocked. Coughing and sputtering. Embarrassment coloring his cheeks, creeping down his neck and chest. His ears were burning. As he kept on coughing Mew gently caressed his head, trying to placate him. Fuck, he didn't need it. He wasn't going to die from embarrassment.

"Are you ok?" 

Gulf answered by launching himself on his Phi again, trying to take him back into his mouth. Mew caught him before he could reach his target. Gently tugging him back into an upright position. 

"I asked if you were ok." Mew's tone, demanding and authoritative, didn't leave much room for Gulf to evade the question. 

"Yes." And he rolled his eyes for good measure. He saw Mew sighing. The older was probably exasperated by his behavior. As usual. His Phi was always exasperated by him. But the look of fondness in his eyes was unmistakable. 

"Don't force yourself, please. It isn't enjoyable if you hurt yourself." 

Gulf might have gone crazy. Mew's way of switching from being a demanding asshole to a caring and attentive boyfriend was sending him off his feet. He was in a constant state of confusion. This relationship, whatever it was, was much more complicated and draining than he thought it would be. He willed himself to stop thinking. Now wasn't the time to think. It was time for action. 

"But I want to do it like you." 

"Why?" 

"Because it felt good when you did it to me and I want to make Phi feel good." Was that so strange? Fuck, he was just being nice here. 

"You don't have to do that, it already felt good. Really good, Nong." 

"But-" Mew cut him and placed a hand on Gulf's cheek, clearly trying to soothe him. Gulf himself didn't know why he was getting so upset over a mere blowjob. He wasn't sure why this sudden need to please overtook him. As far as he was concerned, he was usually more on the selfish side. 

"No but. It felt good and I was getting close already. See. You were doing great." Gulf hated his placating tone, he wasn't a fucking child for fuck sake, and he made it know by harshly removing Mew's hand from his cheek. But something was bothering him more at that moment. Something that couldn't happen. 

"You can't cum yet Phi!" Maybe he did sound a bit offended. And maybe it was a bit irrational but Gulf had stopped hoping any of his reactions toward Mew would be rational. It was pointless, he had to accept that his brain just stopped functioning when Mew was less than 10 meters from him.

"Why? Isn't that the point?" 

"I want you to fuck me first." On cue, his dick twitched, straining in his pants. It was almost painful. His embarrassment hadn't made his erection shy away. And maybe that was the most embarrassing in this already achingly embarrassing situation. 

"In the car?"

"Yes." Where else? Seriously, Gulf couldn't wait for them to get to either of their condos. He wanted it right now. In fact, he wanted it yesterday and the day before that. Now was already too late. 

"God, you're so dirty, Nong." 

Gulf hummed in agreement, staring at Mew expectantly. The older looked like he was enjoying Gulf's lack of patience, his eyes were burning with desire, his jaw tight and tense, like he was physically holding himself back. He closed his eyes for a full second and Gulf felt like time had stopped. When their gaze met again, the man's eyes were only filled with liquid lust.

"Ok, let's go at the back." Gulf watched as Mew take something that looked like condoms from the glove box. As they both stepped out of the car, half-dressed, Gulf almost lost his balance, his foot getting stuck in the car in his excitement. Once at the back, he quickly took a hold of Mew's neck, kissing him. Teeth biting lips, tongues searching for one another. Breathy moans escaping Gulf continuously. Mew pushed him back to the backseat roughly. Finally. Fucking finally. Gulf could see Mew losing his cool. His eyes wild and dark. He was buzzing with an energy that made Gulf shivered. 

"Take off your pants. You're going to have to ride Phi. I can't take you another way." 

Gulf quickly murmured an ok before removing his pants and boxers. His cock straining against his stomach, dirtying his shirt. He tried to open it but an impatient growl made him straddle Mew's lap before he finished to unbutton it. Time stopped for a moment. None moved. Heavy breathing. The air in the car was humid, the glasses were fogged. It was suffocating.

Then lips were crashing into each other, hands were searching, exploring. Fingers digging into hard muscles and soft flesh. Gulf heard a package being ripped open and coldness on his entrance. Mew's fingers quickly entering him. One, two, and Gulf was moaning. Head helplessly resting on Mew's bare shoulder, his shirt half undone and hanging on his elbows. The man's neck looking like he got attacked by a wild animal. Teeth biting, punishing, and muffling moans each time Mew would jab his prostate too hard. A third finger joined the others and Gulf felt full. Finally. His whole body was trembling, Mew's body more addictive than heroin. He'd never get enough of him. He knew it. He barely registered Mew rolling the condom down his cock and only raised his head when his hips were being lifted. Mew made him take him whole, steadily and slowly until he was fully sat on him. He was so full. Fuck. He couldn't move. His legs paralyzed, he was overwhelmed. Too full, too hot, too close. He couldn't breathe anymore. 

Mew nudged his head with his and Gulf kissed him again. Hard and dirty. The older snapped his hips up and Gulf moaned loudly, filling the car with filthy sounds. 

"So good, Phi~" 

"You're so fucking pretty like that, baby." Both hands were on his ass, helping Gulf move up and down the hard length. His thighs were burning but he couldn't stop. Not now. Not this close. Not ever. 

"Look at you. You couldn't wait for Phi to fuck you again." Mew roughly ran his hands on Gulf's hair, pulling slightly on the strands. Gulf could only whimper in agreement.

He secured his hold on Mew's hair and neck, firmly grabbing them like it could keep him from drowning. But he was already half underwater. His breath erratic and shallow, he barely registered Mew ordering him to go faster. His muscles would kill him tomorrow. But who cared? He was finally getting what he wished for, for weeks. 

In between pants in Mew's ear and kisses on his neck, Gulf managed to tell the older how close he was. How fucking close he was. And damn, he couldn't recognize his own voice, raw and breathy. He felt a hand grabbing his cock, Mew's merciless grip accompanying the punishing pace of his hips.  

He loudly whimpered when Mew's hand left his ass to grab his jaw, bringing their lips together. A hungry kiss and a harsh "Come for Phi." later, and Gulf was coming all over Mew's dress shirt. Mew kept fucking into him like he was possessed. His whole body shuddering with the aftershock of his orgasm, he couldn't hear, see, feel anything anymore. Blank. Then the thrusts slowed down, allowing Gulf to finally catch his breath. The older embraced him, keeping him close and stroking his back with gentle hands, breathing in his scent deeply. His Phi's hair was tickling Gulf's neck. Annoying. But he stayed pliant, he felt good. Exhausted and content. 

"Are you ok?" 

"Hmm." 

"I'm sorry if I was too rough. I don't know why I can't control myself when I'm with you." Mew sounded almost regretful. And it angered Gulf, but he was too tired to fight with his Phi. 

"It's ok Phi, I like it like that." 

Silence. Only heavy breathing and soft caresses. It wasn't awkward. Just peaceful and calm. 

"Phi, I don't think I can stop wanting you." Mew stared down at him. Gulf could sense a mix of desperation and resignation coming off of him. Did he finally win?

"Ok." Mew breathed out. "Ok. Just come to me if you want it." 

"Really?" 

"Hmm." Fucking finally. Gulf wondered how long it would last before he got bored. A month or two? "By the way, you were never... disappointing. I have my reasons but you have nothing to do with it, Nong."

Gulf didn't understand what he meant but he was not in the mood for big explanations and convolutions. If he could he'd sleep right now. Against Mew's warm body. He was comfortable. Safe. 

"Want to come over tomorrow for a movie night?" Movie night? Would they watch a romantic comedy again? Should he say he had plans already? But what if it could end up between the sheets? That would definitely be worth it. Fuck, he was completely obsessed. 

"Ok." His sex-dazed brain made the decision for him in the end. Romantic movies it was. The man kissed his hair one last time before starting to gently lift Gulf off of him.  

"Let's get dressed, Phi still needs to bring your home." Suddenly, Mew's face lost its colors as he realized the meaning behind his own words. "Fuck, what would your mom says if she knew?" 

"She won't know, Phi. Nobody needs to know." Gulf would lie if he said he didn't see the pain snakily settling behind Mew's eyes, his lips trembling from unsaid words. Nobody had to know. And if Gulf's heart shrunk a bit at that thought, he chose to ignore it. 

 


 

13th June - 8h02 - Mew's Condo, BKK 

Mew was furious. He looked at his coffee table filled with Gulf's favorite snacks, pizzas he ordered for them both and bottles of beer ready to be uncapped. But no Nong to share all of this with. Actually, Gulf should have been here already. They had planned to play video games and watch a movie together. A simple, nice evening to have some proper bonding time. But Gulf texted him 5 minutes ago and canceled on him. He was sorry but his friends asked him to go to play football with them and he couldn't say no, it had been such a long time he had last played football. Well... fuck him. If he wanted to go and be with his university friends more than spending time with him then so be it. Why should he care anyway? 

Right. Who was he trying to fool? Mew did care and he was furious. He had rejoiced the thought of spending time with his Nong all day. They so rarely got to spend time just the two of them. Mew couldn't let it go. Even if he was used to feeling a bit slighted by Gulf's lack of attention for him, this time it stung more. If he was being honest, after they agree to start seeing each other, no matter how casual it was, he naively thought it would change. He foolishly allowed himself to wish for more when really they hadn't promised each other anything. And it hurt so much more now. It was terrifying how easily his boy had crushed his newly blossoming hopes and his heart with his cleats. 

Mew looked at the pizza, pondering if he should eat it or not. There was a brick in his stomach and he felt like he could throw up any minute, but thankfully his anger was clamping down his throat. He wouldn't be able to vomit even if he wanted to. He eyed the beer bottles. Should he? It wasn't a really good idea. But who cared anyway? How long has it been since the last time? Maybe he could get dr-

He was cut in his train of thoughts by his phone vibrating on the coffee table. He didn't want to pick up. Maybe it was Gulf. And he really wanted nothing more than to ignore his existence. Curiosity taking over his resolution, he risked a glance at his phone. Tanet? Why was he calling so late? Mew reached for his phone and a beer before answering the call. Laying back lazily on his couch, he tried to push his annoyance as far down as he could.

"Hello, Tanet."

"Hello, friend! How are you? I'm sorry I didn't call you back last week." Surprising. Really. First Gulf now Tanet? No one gave a shit about him. "I was out of the country." Ok, maybe Mew was just bitter. He knew Tanet was in Japan. He was just being overdramatic again. He was an artist, after all, being rational wasn't his most dominant character's trait. 

"I'm doing good. How was your holiday in Japan?" Mew inquired. Tanet's phone call was actually a good distraction. He needed to get the boy out of his mind. It wasn't worth it. And he had waited for that specific phonecall for days now.

"It was great, we took some time to visit and explore the island, and then I did it, man." 

Mew couldn't help but smile at his best friend's excited tone. It must have gone well then. He felt the annoyance slowly leave his body, replaced by the soft joy of knowing your best friend's greatest wish had been granted. He knew the answer but he still asked: 

"Really? What was her answer?" 

"She said yes, Mew. I still can't believe it."

"You're getting married, friend. You're really getting married. I'm so happy for you, congratulations." 

"Thank you. I can't believe it myself." Mew hummed in agreement, he was really happy for his friend. After countless phone calls filled with insecurities and doubts, his best friend was finally getting married. As he took a sip of his lukewarm beer, his over prolific imagination pictured a romantic scene of two lovers walking down an aisle toward an altar. First, he saw his best friends, Tanet in a black suit, dashing and composed, then Ploy, her white veil trailing behind her, beautiful and an already crying mess. Then, the lovely bride turned into a lovely man in a white suit, dark curly locks, and chestnut lips.

"What about you, Mew? How are you?" Mew was abruptly yanked out of his daydreaming by Tanet's voice. Damn, did the beer already mess up his brain?

"Well, I'm not getting married as far as I know." Both of them laughed loudly and Mew was really starting to feel better. Gulf wasn't his only friend, he was cared about for god's sake. And he had things to rejoice about. Tanet already asked him to be his best man and the romantic soul that he was couldn't wait to see his friends finally tying the knot. "Other than that, I'm great. Filming started, we're already meeting our fans. It is pretty exciting to be back in the game."

"And your little costar?" Mew held back a loud sigh. No. He wasn't going down that road. He didn't want to be too obvious. It was a secret after all... Mew hated secrets. And he was bad at keeping them anyway. 

"What about him? We're getting along well. He is cute and hardworking." It wasn't a lie. Gulf was indeed cute and hardworking. Or Mew's fragile and traitorous little heart wouldn't have judged him worthy of falling for him. But Gulf was also a brat. Stubborn and annoying. Uncaring and thoughtless. Like a pretty little rose stabbing Mew's delicate heart with its thorns. The younger was- 

"And?"

"And, what?" What were they saying again? Something about Gulf being cute? 

"What is happening between you two?" Tanet teased. Mew could hear his knowing smirk through the phone. What the hell? Tanet was several thousand miles away and no one knew about them. Rationally, he couldn't know. Mew didn't have to worry about their little secret to be out. Then, what did it mean exactly? Mew decided it was safer to pretend he hadn't had a clue about what Tanet was talking about. With some luck, his friend would drop the subject.

"Nothing. I don't know what you mean." 

"Ploy showed me videos of you both during your workshops, you know how much she loves her Y series." The more Tanet 's voice turned teasing toward the end of his sentence the more Mews's face was losing its colors. Damn Ploy. He loved the woman to death, really, but she was loving Y series too much. Mew could still remember the number of embarrassing squeals she let out when she had seen Mew and his ex-boyfriend, or even with his previous costar. Oh god, it was so embarrassing that he felt a cold shiver ran down his back. But it wasn't the point. The main issue was Ploy and his Y-girl hawkeyes. She probably saw right through him and his silly little crush, told Tanet about it and now... now he was screwed. 

"And what did you think?" He asked but his last little flame of hope was being drowned under the ocean of reality. Tanet knew. He knew and Mew wouldn't be able to find the words to counter him. 

"You got the look." 

Silence. 

"What look?"

Mew was getting good at playing dumb. At pretending nothing was out of place, acting as if nothing was happening. It would probably get tiring soon, but for now, he didn't have much of a choice if he was being completely honest. Also... maybe it could ease some of the tension in his shoulders if he could talk about it with a friend. Tanet wasn't part of the entertainment industry, no one knew who he was. And Mew trusted him with his life. 

"You got that lovesick puppy look, mate." 

"I don't." He whined because he was a bit enamored but he didn't look lovestruck. He really should work harder on his poker face though. Noone on the set could know, especially not the producers. Nor any crew members, what if someone leaked something to the press? They couldn't risk ruining the series before they're even done shooting. And he needed to think about his own reputation, which wasn't too enviable. 

"You do." 

"I'm really not, and I don't care about Gulf. He can do whatever he wants, I don't care at all. " He could go play soccer with his friends and get hit on the head will the ball. Who cared? Not Mew. Definitely not Mew. Hell, he was getting angry again. He was being irrational but Gulf could bring the best and the worst out of him. Today, it was the worst. 

"Ok, spill. What did he do to get your panties twisted like that?" 

"Nothing."

"Mew." The man knew Tanet wouldn't drop the subject until he told him the truth. It was already too late. Why couldn't he keep his emotions at bay? He was always too transparent with his feelings, only Gulf couldn't see it. He was a damn open book for anyone who took the time to look beyond his intimidating eyes. Except for Gulf. Gulf, who only found Mew's cute or annoying, depending on the time, but wasn't afraid of him. Even when Mew was actually trying to scare him. The little shit found him cute. But apparently not cute enough to actually make time for him. 

"He bailed on me tonight." Huh, it sounded so insignificant said out loud.

"Why would you be so mad about a kid canceling his plans with you if you don't like him." 

Silence. Why indeed.

"I just don't like this kind of thing, you know how I am."

Irrational? Possessive? Needy? All of the above? Mew wasn't stupid, he knew he had flaws. He was working on it. A bit. Not really but he was still hoping if he could tone it down just a bit, it could be enough for his next lover to accept him as he was.

"I used to cancel hangouts with you to go on dates with Ploy back in university and you've never been mad at me like that." Right. He was just overreacting because he liked the boy and looked forward to spending time with him but Gulf decided to choose his friends over him and YES he was jealous. So what? Couldn't he? He was fucking him for God's sake.

"It's different."

"How different?" 

"I wasn't fucking you." Here, he said it. And it felt unsurprisingly good. He has never been good at keeping secrets and this one was weighing particularly heavy on his shoulders. Guilt mixing with excitement wasn't the best combo.

"WHAT?!" 

Mew winced as his friend's voice saturated his phone's speaker. Aow, it hurt. 

"It only happened twice." Mew unnecessarily justified. "But I told him he could come and ask me if he wanted to do it again, so I guess it could happen again." And Mew was conflicted, the horny half part of his brain couldn't wait for it to happen again but the other part, the smarter one, the one that knew his heart might not survive, was afraid of the consequences. 

"I'm sure he will." Tanet teased. "I heard you had a good reputation."

"Shut up." Mew felt a blush creeping on his cheeks. He knew it but he wasn't acknowledging that information. Never. And he diligently ignored the spark of satisfaction generated by Tanet's words and resumed sulking. 

"Honestly, friend, you should talk to him. He is just a kid, he probably doesn't know you're mad at him." 

Gulf never knew anything, never had a clue of what Mew was feeling. Why should he make it easier for him? The younger could make actual efforts to try and understand him better. Like Mew did. He knew he was being childish but he just couldn't help it. The eternal conflict between his brain and his heart would always make him act irrationally. 

"I know but I can't. He'll get scared. I don't want him to see how fucking crazy I can be." 

Mew wouldn't allow himself to treat Gulf like that. He could acknowledge that he was too much. Too possessive, too jealous, too protective. Too much everything. But he wouldn't ruin his relationship with Gulf because he couldn't control the damn lion inside of him. Even if right now Mew felt like Gulf deserved to meet the lion, he wouldn't let it happen. They were only co-stars... who fucked twice.

"Try at least. It can't be healthy to keep your feelings bottled up like that."

"I know. If I'm still angry, I'll try to talk to him tomorrow." Mew was convinced he wouldn't be angry anymore, he was good at reconciling with himself after all. Even though... when Gulf was concerned, it was much harder. 

Mew looked down at the beer in his hand, shit, when did he finish it? He pondered a second and finally decided to open a second one.

"So is he any good in bed?" Mew chocked on his beer, spitting it out all over his sweatpants. Could this day get any worse?

"The hell? I never talked about my partners before I'm not gonna start now." 

What kind of asshole did his friend take him for? Mew suddenly wondered what he could have said in the past that could lead Tanet to believe he would tell about his adventures with Gulf. "You know how respect works right?"

"Come on... no needs for details just is it good? It must be if you allowed him to come back for more." Damn Tanet, he wasn't that shallow. He wasn't even a man who liked to sleep around. What kind of reputation did he have in their friends' circle? It wasn't Mew's fault if he had quite the collection of lovers, but he has always been serious with them. His heart was just too easy and soft. 

"I... " Mew was at a loss for words.

"Are you his first man?" Hell yes, he was. And if that didn't feel so fucking good. Nop, not going there either. He was mad at Gulf.

"Mmmm."

"I knew it. Oiiie your fucking possessiveness must be overjoyed. So was it good?"

"Mmm." Tanet couldn't even begin to imagine how satisfying it was. The lion roared in his chest, smug and cocky. He was Gulf's first time and the boy would never forget about him. Even if one day they weren't anything to each other anymore, Mew would still be Gulf's first time. That thought alone could trigger a lot of unhealthy feelings. Feelings he wasn't supposed to feel for his co-star slash potential sex-friend.

"That's all you're going to give me?" Huh, this guy was also a pain. What was up with the defeated tone? Did they all collectively decide that today was the day to annoy Mew? Tanet should get a ticket, Gulf was first in the line.

"What the hell do you want me to say? Yes, it was great. Happy?" Really great. Amazing. Mindblowing. And a tiny bit heartbreaking.

"Very." Mew snickered at how satisfied his friend sounded. "So is he in love too?"

"No, he just wants to experiment a little." Mew should remember that the next time he caught himself daydreaming about Gulf. "And with how busy we are it would be difficult for him to find someone else." As if Mew would have let him anyway. Gulf might not be his officially, but nothing could stop him from acting like he was. "And I'm not in love. I just have a small crush on him. If will go away soon, he is a pain in the ass."

"If you say so, man. Don't stay in denial for too long." And before Mew could argue some more, his friend bid him his goodbye. "'I'm sorry Mew, I'll have to call you back another time, Ploy is waiting for me. See you when I come to Bangkok." 

"Sure. Tell me when you're free."

"And bring your little co-star, I want to meet him."

"Not gonna happen, bye Tanet." And Mew hung up on him.

Huh, as if Mew was stupid enough to bring Gulf to meet his best friends. They would probably tell him every embarrassing story they could think of and make Gulf run away.  

Mew let himself go limp on his couch. If his crush was already so visible for others how come Gulf didn't see it? Or did he? Did Gulf know and ask him to sleep with him because he knew Mew wouldn't be able to resist? No, Gulf wasn't this kind of person. But he didn't know him that well after all. He knew the shy and introverted version of Gulf on set, he knew the bratty and annoying version when Gulf was alone with him, he knew friend Gulf and his inability to stay calm during a video game. But he didn't know what Gulf was like as a lover. Maybe he wasn't that good of a person. It seemed impossible to imagine though. Under his numerous layers of bratty college boy, Mew knew that Gulf was a gentle soul. He was hiding his softness deep inside as if he was afraid the world would see it.

He eyed the beer cans on the table... should he? He had to shoot tomorrow. But his heart was a mess again, he could indulge himself a bit right?

The more he drank, the more the anger was coming back. What was that brat thinking? Mew wasn't at his beck and call. He deserved better than a fucking child who couldn't prioritize him, couldn't make time for him. His eyelids were heavy, maybe he was being irrational. Maybe it didn't matter that much. 

His phone was vibrating again. He could barely see the caller ID. Yai Nong. No way. He couldn't talk to him right now. Firstly, he was drunk, and secondly, he was still too mad at him, he would probably end up saying something hurtful. He allowed a single tear to fall. He won't cry. Not for this. Not when he knew what was awaiting him in the future. But his emotions were always so strong, he had to let one tiny tear escape. Once the pearl reached his chin, he wiped it off angrily before heading to his bedroom. He was sure of one thing, he wouldn't be the one initiating their next "experiment".

Fuck Gulf. 

 


 

14th June - 11h28 - TharnType's filming set, Siam Center, BKK 

Fuck Mew. 

It might have been the worst filming day so far. Gulf was so frustrated he couldn't act. He was messing take after take. The Type inside him wouldn't come out, he was probably too scared of Mew. Unlike Gulf who was just annoyed by his Phi's behavior, Type was scared shitless. Mew's whole aura was unbearable. No one had dared approach him since they arrived on set. Makeup artists were apologizing each time they had to do retouches, Mame could barely look at him in the eye, and Tee, the director, was sugar-coating his feedback on Mew's acting. It was hell. They couldn't work properly. And it was all down to Mew's shitty mood. Crew's members kept glancing at Gulf, eyes filled with expectations and hopes, probably expecting him to miraculously soothe Mew.

Gulf did try to talk to him. When he arrived this morning, tired as fuck from his football game of the night before, the first thing he did was seeking Mew for a hug and tummy rubs. But the man looked him up and down, cold stare and tight jaw, before turning on his heels and walking away. At that moment, Gulf felt a cold shiver ran down his spine. He tried again later, clinging at his arms, even acting cute and baby, the way Mew usually couldn't resist. He really tried to know what the fuck was wrong with him. But Mew kept silent and ignored him. The coldness then seeped down his bones, before settling under his diaphragm. The younger had to sit in a corner by himself to rehearse his lines, and even his blue blanket hadn't been able to warm him. Unsurprisingly, he wasn't able to act. It was hard to breathe, hard to remember his lines, he couldn't get in character and his emotions were all over the place.

And here they were, he was looking at Mew who had a teasing smile on his lips. It was probably the most relaxed Gulf had seen him today. The younger saw his partner's lips move, red and thin, tempting. And then they closed. His gaze met two warm orbs that were looking at him expectantly. Oh shit. He was supposed to say something right? He couldn't remember a thing. He had messed up again. Gulf lowered his head, ashamed. 

"Cut."

Gulf barely registered the slightly annoyed tone of Director Tee. He looked back at Mew, slightly hoping the older man would still look at him with the same adoration he was a few seconds ago. He almost had to take a step back at the cold stare that greeted him.  

"Let's take a break, guys. P'Mew, N'Gulf, please try to... solve, whatever you have to solve." 

If only Gulf knew what there was to fix. But he had no idea what was going on. The last time he talked to his Phi was two days ago for their event and everything had gone well. Way better than expected even. They hadn't seen each other yesterday so whatever upset Mew, Gulf couldn't be responsible for it.

As his eyes followed the older man, Gulf came to the conclusion that they didn't have a choice. They had to talk, whether Mew was willing to or not. He followed the man, a few steps behind him, but he could tell Mew had noticed he was being followed. His back was tense and his shoulders straight. Was Mew preparing himself for a fight?

"P'Mew."

Mew continued to ignore him and he entered the public bathroom of the floor of the mall they were filming in. Gulf barely had the time to block the door when Mew tried to slam it at his face.

"P'Mew, stop that." He pushed through the door. Mew was stubbornly keeping his back at him. "Phiiii. What the hell are you doing?"

The man didn't answer. Gulf couldn't even hear him breathe. He felt the knot in his stomach tightened some more, it was there since the moment he arrived but it was getting worse.

"What's your problem, Phi? Talk!"

"No problem." Gulf was frustrated. His Phi knew perfectly he wasn't good at deciphering people's feelings. The older should help him understand instead of giving him the cold shoulder like a fucking child.

"Right... you could go around carrying a sign saying you're mad as fuck and it wouldn't make a difference." Gulf walked to his partner and stood in front of him. They were basically the same height, if Mew didn't want to look at him in the eye he would have to lower his eyes. And Gulf knew it wouldn't happen. If Mew's had one thing bigger than his biceps, it was his pride. But only when he was angry. It was like he had a switch. He could be equally selfless and sweet or prideful and mean. His anger was as strong as his affection, and his ego just as imposing.

Gulf needed every once of stubbornness he had in himself to stand his ground. Mew's eyes boring holes in his face. The younger would not give in.

"Even if I'm mad, why do you care?" The more Mew was rising his voice, the angrier Gulf was getting. He fucking hated it.

"I care because you are clearly mad at me Phi! Tell me why, so I can fucking fix it." Gulf barely thought about the staff outside the bathroom. If they wanted to yell then they'd yell. They could all go to hell.

"Get out, you're getting on my nerves." His voice dropped low, barely a whisper now. Mew's face was blank. The anger bleeding out of his eyes was the only thing that was betraying him. Gulf couldn't stand it. He was the explosive kind of fury. He needed to shout and yell, but Mew was composed. So fucking cold and composed.

"What got Phi like that? Huh? Is Phi feeling frustrated? Want me to suck your dick again?" It was low and stupid, even for Gulf's loud mouth. Gulf could clearly see Mew's face fall, disbelief coloring his features. He watched as his partner took a step back and Gulf knew he went too far. Fuck. What could he do to fix it now? He felt his anger vanishing, a sheer panic taking over his body instead.

"I told you to not talk about it on set. For God's sake, if anyone knows I'm fucking you, they'll have my head. They'll say I pressured you and forced you. I'm a lot older than you Gulf. You don't know the damage it would do." The young man's guilt was creeping down his chest, gripping his insides tightly, he couldn't talk anymore, couldn't yell anymore. He didn't mean any of it. But he couldn't bring himself to say sorry. He wasn't good at apologizing. He took a step toward Mew, hands itching to reach for him. To try and comfort him maybe, he wasn't sure what the goal was yet. But Mew's stare stopped him in his tracks.

"And just a piece of advice, if you want to make up with me, don't offer a blowjob. You sound like a fucking desperate bitch." The words hitting him in the stomach like a punch, taking his breath away. He started it, he shouldn't be surprised.

Gulf wanted to run. Of course, he was offended. But he was mostly ashamed and embarrassed. He didn't want his Phi to think about him like that. When talking about Gulf, Mew only ever had kind words and compliments. This was harsh and unfair. Gulf didn't dare to look at his Phi face, he kept his head low and stormed out of the mall's bathroom.

He had hardly taken 10 steps in the hallway, that he was stopped by Mame on his way to the set. No fucking way. He didn't want to talk, thank you very much.

"Gulf? What's going on?" Her tone was soft but Gulf wasn't stupid enough to not notice the irritation behind the kind demeanor.

"Nothing." Gulf tried to get past her but she grabbed her arm. Damn, she was stronger than she looked. He yanked his arm away, a bit too forcefully for it to be acceptable but Mame didn't protest. He hated being touched. Only his parents and recently Mew's touch felt good.

"How come you can so easily fight? You were all over each other at the event two days ago? How did you manage to fight in between?" Was she teasing him now? He wasn't in the mood for that. Maybe she thought it was the best way to approach him, but really, there wasn't any good way to approach him. Not when he felt like his relationship, whatever it was, with his Phi was falling into pieces before it even started. His whole body aching from anger and shame.

"It is really nothing, P'May." Gulf tried to dismiss.

"I know it isn't nothing Gulf. Both you and N'Mew are angry. He is scaring everyone, can't you calm him down?"

"How?" Frustration filling his voice, Gulf felt almost hopeless. "It is me who he is mad at and he doesn't want to tell me what the problem is. How can I fix it?" Mew was being an asshole for no obvious reasons. Gulf couldn't bring himself to be the one apologizing first.

"I don't know Gulf. But please you need to talk to him." Her voice was firmer and Gulf understood that even if Mame was genuinely worried about them, she had to think about her series first. "I rented the mall only for today, we can't afford to delay filming. I'm sorry."

"No, I... I'm the one who is sorry Mame. We are being unprofessional. I'll try to speak to him again." He could do it. He could go back inside that bathroom and make Mew apologize. Or at least talk. Talking would be good enough.

With his newly found determination, Gulf started to head back to the bathroom. He made it 5 steps closer to his objective when Mame called him once again.

"Gulf?" The young man only hmmed at her to indicate he was listening.

"I heard something..."

"What kind of things, P'May?" Why Mame was acting so weird? Gulf was so engrossed in his fight with his Phi, he didn't notice how Mame seemed fidgety and uncomfortable.

"About you and N'Mew..." She trailed off a bit then "doing things I'm sure I'm not supposed to be aware of."

"Oh my god." Gulf's eyes widened, his cheeks instantly flushing a deep red, how was he supposed to answer that? No one could know, P'Mew would kill him. Or worse he could end their arrangement. Gulf couldn't let that happen. But could he tell Mew the truth? Think. He had to think. Maybe Mame didn't hear well and he could pretend she misunderstood. It could work, right? Yes, it had to work, Gulf just needed to-

"Is he forcing you?" What? The actor's eyes widened some more, disbelief and anger now taking over his feature. So P'Mew was right? People would really think so badly of him if they knew?

"No! P'May! He would never do that!" Gulf tried to keep his voice hushed but his anger needed an outlet. He tried to control himself by sinking his nails into his palms. The sharp pain was barely enough to prevent him from exploding.

"You can tell me if you feel pressure, N'Gulf. I know acting in a boylove series can be messing with your head. But you don't have to go that far."

"I'm..." What the hell? "I'm sorry, I don't understand, P'May. P'Mew isn't forcing me at all." If anything, Gulf had been the one pressuring him.

"Are you sure? I can't have a scandal between my actors N'Gulf, please understand that."

"P'May, don't worry about it, please." It wasn't anyone's business for fuck's sake. "And don't talk about it, P'Mew doesn't want anyone to know. And my mom can't know either." He heard her breath hitched and she frantically looked over his shoulder.

When Gulf turned around for the second time, Mew was already here. He looked conflicted and ashamed, his usually proud shoulders dropping a bit like he was trying to curl on himself. Mame quietly left them alone, telling them to sort it out between the two of them.

Gulf could barely look at Mew, still conflicted about who was at fault. He had been so angry with Mew but now, seeing how Mame could just talk about Mew in those terms and judged him, it shifted his anger from Mew to the rest of the world. And now. Now, he didn't know what to do anymore. He felt Mew's hand searching for his and in a moment of weakness, he let himself be guided to the bathroom. Damn bathroom. It would have seen a lot today. Mew closed the door behind them, quietly.

"Gulf?" Mew's small voice did something to Gulf's heart. He didn't really understand what that clutching feeling was but it was there. And he didn't like it at all. He hmmed at his partner, inviting him to continue.

"I'm so sorry for yelling at you, Yai Nong. I... I know my temper is bad." Mew cast his eyes down, he looked tired, like he hadn't slept at all last night. "I'm really trying to get over myself and be the bigger person here but I... I just can't push aside the hurt I'm feeling sometimes." Sincerity dripping from his tone, Mew dared to lift his head until their eyes could meet. Gulf was sure Mew was trying to say something to him, but he couldn't decipher the message. He was tired of being this hermetic to others' feelings. He'd like to know what Mew was thinking for once. But there was one thing he knew.

"P'Mew, you don't need to be the bigger person here." Gulf wasn't just the brat he pretended to be around Mew. He could be responsible too. To some extend. "You just need to tell me what I have done for you to be this angry and I'll try to fix it."

Mew timidly lifted his hand. A silent question. Gulf looked at the beautiful fingers, his thumb ring shining, and reached for it with his own. They intertwined their fingers, Mew tugged him forward so they'd stood a few centimeters away from each other. They have never been good at keeping their distance.

"Gulf, I always get hurt over small things, you can't really-" Gulf felt his irritation building up again. He was a grown-up, he didn't need Mew to be cautious around him. His grip on Mew's fingers tightened enough for it to be a bit painful before relaxing his hold and cutting his Phi.

"Phi should tell me anyway so I'd know what to not do. I'm not very good at understanding other people's feelings. And yours even less. But I really don't want to fight with you, P'Mew."

"I... yesterday."

"Yes?" Gulf raised an eyebrow, putting his free hand in his pocket. Listening.

"I'm still angry about yesterday."

"What happened yesterday?" Mew wasn't able to control his scowl. Gulf really had missed something. He didn't do anything yesterday. He didn't even see Mew.

"About you... playing football with your friends and not coming to my condo." That was it? Did they fight, called each other names, and put the whole filming on hold because he played football yesterday?

"Really?" He was going to kill his Phi. There was no other possible issue.

"I know I'm being unreasonable but Phi can't help it." Gulf postponed his murder for later as Mew's guilty eyes were struggling to stay fixed on his.

"I..." - I'm sorry - but Gulf didn't say it. "I didn't know you'd be this angry. I always canceled plans on my friends before and they were never angry like that."

"I told you I was the problem." Mew only shook his head, his hair falling into his eyes, he seemed disappointed in himself. It broke Gulf heart a little. It really was time to reconcile and forget about all this mess. It wasn't worth it.

"It's ok P'Mew, now I know so I'll try to not do it again."

"Ok."

"But Phi..." Gulf had to say it. He couldn't ignore it. "You can't do that again. You can't talk to me like that ever again."

"I'm so sorry Yai Nong. Phi didn't mean any of it. Believe me." The sheer desperation in his voice iced Gulf's blood for a second. But Mew's posture was reassuring the young actor, his shoulders were less tense and his hands had stopped gripping anxiously at one another.

"And you need to tell me when I do something Phi doesn't like. I can't read your mind, P'Mew." Mew nodded vigorously his head, still apologetic. He extended his arms and pouted at Gulf. The younger entertained the idea of making him wait and plead for it but he realized he was craving his Phi's touch just as much as Mew. So he closed the last step separating them and let Mew engulf him in a tight hug. The deep ache settled in his bones started to fade.

They stayed in each other arms, for a few moments. Gulf resting his head on Mew's shoulder, pretending he wasn't giggling when Mew hid his face in his neck, giving him tiny sniff kisses. Gulf wasn't ticklish but he couldn't hold his own amused noises. When Mew pulled back, he was looking much more serein and peaceful. Gulf wondered if he really did that. If he really was responsible for his Phi's extreme anger but also his plenitude. Gulf was staring into his eyes when he saw them become somber.

"Nong, we still have to decide what we'll do with P'May. She knows."

"Fuck. I can't believe she blamed you!"

He had let his anger died down with his Phi's apology and nearly forgotten how Mame had talked about his co-star. Even if she probably meant well, he wouldn't let anyone talk about him like that. The urge to fight her had been almost overwhelming. Gulf didn't really know the extent of his feelings for Mew, he knew he was attracted to him, to his body but he also cared about him and wanted to protect him. Their physical relationship and their friendship were mixing in a weird way, it was getting a bit confusing. Mew was his friend, a really good friend, a friend whom he happened to sleep with. It was as if his body, mind, and heart weren't aligned, each having its own craving for the older man. But Gulf wouldn't let himself think too much about it. It was bound to end up with a headache and a sleepless night. And sleep was important.

Mew must have sensed his inner agitation as he carefully caressed the younger's cheek before thumbing at the crease between his eyebrows.

"Calm down, Nong. It's ok. I told you it would happen, right?" Mew smiled sadly at him.

"I know but I didn't think it would really happen."

"Anyway, she knows but I don't think she'll tell anyone else. I think we're safe for now. But you need to be careful Yai Nong, ok?" Gulf felt himself squirm inside as he always did when his Phi used that particular pet name.

"I will P'Mew. I promise."

As Mew took him in his arms again, Gulf thought back about all the time his Phi had been cautious of his actions around the staff. When they were alone, Mew never hesitated to overpower him to cuddle him, ignoring the younger's complaints about heat and lack of personal space. It wasn't entirely true. Mew had hesitated at first. Especially when Gulf could barely look at him in the eyes without blushing or when his whole body tensed up when Mew was less than a few inches from him. But once Gulf started to find peace in his embrace, Mew couldn't leave him alone. And if Gulf had to be honest he didn't want him to. However, when they were surrounded by other people, and when skinship workshops couldn't be used as an excuse, Mew always made sure to keep their physical interaction friendly. Sitting on his lap was ok, but not sniff kissing his neck. Tummy rubs were acceptable but not under his shirt. Gulf has thought Mew was just trying to be professional but Gulf was now understanding that Mew was probably afraid of being judged, of being accused of taking advantage of the newbie who couldn't say no. Gulf hated it. From now on, he wouldn't let anyone think badly of Mew. He was the only one who could scold him and complain. Gulf realized he was probably being a bit-

"Nong?" It startled Gulf and he lost his train of thoughts. He had forgotten they were still in the bathroom. But he was so comfortable against Mew's warm body, he wasn't ready to let go yet.

"hmm?"

"Can I kiss you?" Really? He almost got whiplash as he jerked his head up, looking straight into two fascinating dark orbs. He wasn't expecting that.

"You want to kiss and make up, Phi?" Gulf's laugh, his mood had improved a lot. And he wasn't against some physical comfort from his Phi. His inner Type could use it too. He was feeling restless after being deprived of Tharn the whole morning.

"Yes, Baby." The neediness in Mew's tone caused Gulf to shudder and Mew dived on his lips.

Mew slowly pushed him against the door, hands secured around his small waist, flirting dangerously with his backside from time to time. He pushed his whole body on Gulf, and the latter felt helpless in the face of his desire. He had never wanted someone so much. It was almost scary. How would he be able to date anyone after having someone like Mew? The older man nudged his lips with his tongue, and Gulf pliantly opened his mouth. He let Mew invade it. It suddenly felt too hot in the small bathroom. The kiss was wet and desperate. Frustration, anger, apologies intertwining chaotically. After some hesitation, Mew finally dared grab one of his ass cheeks, squeezing lightly. Gulf noticed that Mew enjoyed making him squirm a bit too much. As he was going to protest, Mew's hand traveled up his body, lightly pinched a nipple before settling around his throat, not putting pressure on it just resting there, keeping him from running away. As if Gulf would ever entertain the idea of running away anyway. He grabbed the actor's shoulders hard, digging his fingers in the flesh. He was quickly growing hard in his pants. Soon, he'd want more. So much more. More than what they would be able to do, here, in a public bathroom. So he used his last shreds of control and tore himself from Mew's addictive lips.

"Fuck, Phi, don't kiss me like that, I'm gonna get hard." He breathed out even if he was still unconsciously rubbing himself on Mew.

"Mmm, would that be so bad, Yai Nong?" His breath tickling the younger's ear as he spoke right next to it. Gulf felt the hair of his neck rise, as goosebumps covered it.

"It would if you don't plan to take care of it, Khun Phi." Gulf only ever called him Khun Phi when he wanted to tease Mew. And the older man knew it. He felt the older's fingers digging into the skins of his neck as retaliation.

As Mew opened his mouth to answer, someone knocked at the door and a voice called them.

"Guys? Are you still fighting? We need to resume filming."

Mew answered them a quick "We're coming." before he started straightening their clothes.

"No, we're not." Gulf uttered under his breath, half-joking half-annoyed. As Mew stared blankly at him, still processing the joke, Gulf took his phone out of his front pocket. Shit, it had been almost 20 minutes since they locked themselves in the bathroom.

"Come back home with me tonight? I'll make sure you'll be coming."

"Phi! You are not any better than me." Gulf laughed, but he was also taken off guard. For two reasons. One, Mew made a joke and that wasn't something usual. And two, Mew always rejected him before caving in. But Mew was actually the one asking for it this time. It felt so good to feel wanted. Even if Gulf knew his co-star was attracted to him, the older always looked like he was trying to fight it and make it disappear. Some confirmation of their mutual attraction was good.

"So? Do you want to come over?" Mew asked impatiently while pulling him outside of the room.

Gulf only hummed in fake casualness, his hand never leaving Mew's arm. He won't say it out loud but he felt the long-forgotten butterflies coming back in the pit of his stomach.

Chapter Text

5th July - 20h28 - A street food stall, BKK 

Gulf was confused.

As often.

He was sitting at a table outside a little street food restaurant. The sun had already gone down a few hours ago. The buzzing energy of a never-sleeping city as background music. What the hell was he doing here? He would have been so much better at his condo, playing games, or sleeping. Sleeping sounded really nice and welcomed. With some luck, he could even have had a warm body flushed against his. But no. Here he was. His ass hurting from sitting for too long on an uncomfortable chair. Not even the kind of ass-hurting he seemed to like since he started messing around with his handsome co-star. Gulf looked down at the plastic table he was sitting at, the remaining of their dinner reminding him that maybe he shouldn't complain too much. Out of the two pad ka prao servings, only his had been thoroughly cleaned. He couldn't repress a little satisfied smile that forced its way on his face. He felt warm all of sudden, it tickled inside his tummy. Had the pad ka prao turned bad? Or maybe he ate too much. All in all, it wasn't such a bad night, he was well fed and he got to eat his favorite dish, without having to pay for it.

As he looked around the street, his eyes caught a tall figure, a black hoodie with a big red X on the front, a black cap, and an expensive pair of shades framing his handsome face. Gulf rolled his eyes at the sight. Show off. This person, who must have thought they were a superstar, was the reason he wasn't in his bed, his pouty lips and pleading eyes when he asked Gulf out were, to be precise. Mew had insisted on wearing his shades, even after sunset, to conceal his identity. As if anyone would recognize them anyway. They weren't that known yet. But the man was attracting looks nonetheless and Gulf's blood was starting to boil with each new pair of eyes straining on his Phi's figure.

The man finally reached their table, placing their ice cream on it before sitting in the opposite chair.

"P'Mew, for the love of God, please remove your shades! You look ridiculous." Gulf huffed, exasperated. Gulf himself was only wearing an oversized hoodie with shorts and slippers. He had let his retainers home, hoping their not-a-date would end up with some make-out in the older's car or at one of their condo if he was lucky enough.

"Why? Are you embarrassed?"

Gulf watched as Mew's cheeks tried to disappear under his shades as he was smiling so big. His co-star's smile was really something else. And he was certain he wasn't supposed to feel so endeared by it. He was getting too soft on the actor. He couldn't allow that to happen.

"No, I'm concerned for your mental health."

Maybe his tone was a bit annoyed and really, he tried not to snap but he caught yet another man ogling at his Phi and sourness filled his mouth. Didn't they know they didn't stand a chance with Mew?

"You're so mean to Phi."

Mew abruptly removed his shades and slammed them on the table, the force of it nearly knocking over a glass of water, and Gulf was finally able to see his eyes. His gaze deep and intense. It made Gulf's tummy tickle and he thought it really was a shame Mew loved to wear his shades so often. The older stared at him, looking somber before the darkness in his eyes made way to playfulness and he kicked the younger's shin. "Don't forget who paid for your dinner."

"Don't forget who forced me to go out."

And Gulf kicked him back. Harder. Because he was a brat.

"Aow. You didn't have a good time with me?" Mew winced and pouted before dropping his gaze down. Handsome bastard. He was trying to make Gulf feel guilty. It wasn't working.

"I did, P'Mew." Gulf rolled his eyes hard, and seeing the pout was still here "Thanks for dinner." Well... it had worked apparently. Gulf frowned at himself, when did he become so soft? He was the one supposed to make his Phi give in to him, not the other way around.

"Alright, brat. You're welcome."

The younger stuck his tongue out at Mew and only received a smile so wide his Phi's eyes disappeared into two moon crescents. Mew pushed one of the ice creams in front of Gulf. "Dessert! Strawberry for Phi and chocolate for Phi's chocolate boy." Was Mew flirting with him? Oh sweet hell, why is Mew flirting with him? The younger wasn't ready, he couldn't think of anything to say. His usually smart mouth, always ready to spit fire, was hanging open, shocked and confused. Fuck, he hated Mew's ability to make him stunned and brainless.

"Phi!" Was the only word that finally came out of his lips. Weak but better than imitating a fish out of the ocean. He'd had to content himself with that.

"Nong!"

Handsome bastard. Gulf felt embarrassment crept down his neck, and his cheeks heated up quickly as his Phi imitated his offended high pitch tone.

As Mew's laugh erupted loudly, curious eyes turned to stare at them and Gulf couldn't help but follow his senior in his contagious laughing fit. The young man was easily amused but no one could make him laugh like that. For no reason at all. It wasn't even funny but just seeing Mew's eyes filling with tears and struggling to get his breathing back under control could make him laugh. Like some kind of annoying superpower. Gulf wouldn't admit it easily, because he loved to tease him about his lack of sense of humor too much, but his Phi was really fun to be around. His annoying habit of smothering Gulf with cuddles, his tendency to boss everyone around, and even his weird affection for action figurines were endearing. A child trapped inside such a big man's body. It was funny. At least to Gulf.

As both of them calmed down, Mew wiped a tear that ran down his cheek and pushed the chocolate ice cream in front of Gulf.

"Eat before it melts, Yai Nong."

Gulf thanked his recent laughing fit for giving an alibi to his red cheeks. This nickname never failed to make him squirm and flush. But the younger wouldn't let himself be flustered like that without trying to win over his Phi, even if the older one wasn't conscious of the power the nickname had.

"Yes, Pho." And Gulf let out his brightest grin, knowing it would stir Mew up even more. Widened eyes and offended opened mouth quickly made their appearance. It was enough for Gulf to forget his previous embarrassment. Maybe one day, he should try to think about it and find the reason behind his fluttering heart. But that day wasn't today. Today was for pad ka prao and messing with Mew.

"You little shit! Call me that another time and I'll show you who's a Pho." Mew's threatening eyes didn't scare Gulf, quite the opposite actually. Mew always complained about how hermetic Gulf was to his threats and temper, but Gulf just couldn't understand what could scare people off. Mew was cute and nice, and annoying, but most importantly his domineering attitude only turned Gulf on.

"Maybe that's what I want, Pho." The boy teased and he could feel his cock twitch in interest. Not now, for fuck's sake. They were in public. Gulf tried to conjure some dead kittens' images to put it back to sleep.

"You're going to get it, Yai Nong." As a dangerous glow filled the older's gaze, Gulf squirmed in his seat once again. What the hell happened to him? Why is he on a not-a-date with his sex-friend? Sex-friend that was also his co-star and mentor, but also his friend and senior. Sex-friend. That's what they had agreed on. Not this weird not-a-date mascarade. It was supposed to be easy. Fuck and be done. Like after their last fight.

 

/Flashback/

Gulf thought his back would break from the force Mew was applying on it. His large hand pushing in between his shoulder blades, keeping his head down on the bed, and another hand gripping his hips high in the air. Gulf tightened his hands around the sheets, eyes screwed shut and mouth open. Moans and gasps leaving his lips in a steady rhythm as Mew forcefully pounded into him. The younger could feel every ounce of frustration and anger, for Gulf and for himself, that Mew had locked down deep inside of him the whole day. Fuck. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to fuck after a fight. How is Gulf supposed to behave and not start fights if the result was this? Mew had always carefully navigated between being dominant and soft with him, and even today, when he was buzzing with frustration, the older man was still gentle in his roughness. What could it take for him to finally let go? Gulf was curious to know the answer.

The younger felt his release getting closer but he knew better than to try and touch himself. The growl Mew had let out when he tried 5 minutes ago had been enough to dissuade him and Gulf deemed it was safer to let the older man decide when he could fucking finally come. What an animal seriously. Who'd do that? But Gulf hadn't been able to complain anyway. Too far gone already.

"Do you want to come, Baby?"

Yes. Fuck. Yes.

"Answer Phi." The deep rumble of his Phi's voice beside his ear forced a shiver down his back and Gulf nodded. As best as he could while being pinned to the bed.

He felt the pressure on his shoulders disappear and the hand holding him down wrapped itself around his cock. A choked moan forced its way out of his mouth and he came on his Phi's hand. His whole body shuddering and trembling as his mind was too clouded to register Mew spilling inside of him. The actor kept fucking into him, gradually slowing down his thrusts before dropping on the younger's back. Nose in his neck, taking deep breaths that tickled Gulf. He tried to squirm free but he had no strength left and Mew's weight felt so nice on him. Warm and sticky. Comforting. Almost as much as his blue blanket when he forgot to wash it for too long. Err, no that thought was gross and Gulf dismissed it quickly. He squirmed some more and Mew finally free him, turning on his back beside him, still breathing heavily.

As Gulf turned his head, he met Mew's eyes, heavy with lust and worried. What again? Gulf refrained a sigh and raised an eyebrow at Mew.

"Are you ok?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry if I was too rough."

Too late for that. His Phi should have thought about it before wrecking him.

"If you were I'd have kick Phi already. I'm not defenseless."

Gulf prided himself on being an independent and strong man. If we overlooked how his mom was still coddling him at 21 and the fact that he was depending on Mew for his breakfast. But he wasn't helpless. Far from it. Mew could be big and could have abs, Gulf never felt overpowered. Not unwillingly at least.

"I know, Nong but I might have been a bit..." Mew looked like he was searching for the right word. "... excessive."

Really? Mew? Excessive? Gulf rolled his eyes at him, before huffing. When was the older not excessive?

"Are you hurt?"

"I'm not, Phi." Well, maybe his backside would disagree in a few hours but who cared? "I like it like that anyway. I like it when Phi go all... animalistic like that." And he blushed. He fucking blushed. Hell. Why was he blushing? He used to be able to say everything and anything without breaking a sweat and now? A few dirty words and he was blushing like a schoolgirl. Gulf groaned before sulkily turning his head on the opposite side. If he could he'd run home right now. But he couldn't, he could feel Mew's cum dripping down his thighs and he blushed some more.

"I'm... glad I guess?" Mew sounded unsure and Gulf could guess his eyebrows were frowning and his lips were pouting. "I mean... I'm glad you're not hurt. And that you... liked it." Gulf sighed loudly before finally looking again at Mew, he shuffled onto the bed until he could rest his head on Mew's shoulder.

"P'Mew, why are you shuttering like that? You fucked me brainless, assume it." And he chuckled. Because really, Mew was something else. Really.

"You were less bratty when I was deep inside you." Here he was, the Mew he secretly loved. All deep voice and somber eyes.

"Maybe you should fuck me again then?" Gulf teased. And he should really try to control his loud mouth, for his own and his ass' sake.

"Ok." And Mew rolled him back on his front. Gulf panicked and he'd deny the high pitch scream that left his lips until the day he died.

"No, no, no. Too soon, I'm too sore." And when Mew's laughter echoed in the room, he knew he had been played. Bastard. Hot fucking bastard. He let Mew manhandling him into their previous position. And Gulf sighed contently against his skin. The arm resting on his back stroking him lightly, so lightly that it would be unbearable if he was ticklish but luckily for him he wasn't.

"Be good, Nong. Or else..." Gulf hummed at the half-hidden threat and for once decided to shut up. His ass had been abused enough for now.

As Gulf was slowly drifting to sleep, his body aching and dirty but content, his Phi's voice brought him down to Earth.

"What are we doing, Nong?"

Sleeping?

Nop. It seemed like they weren't going to any sleep anytime soon if the edge in the older's voice was anything to go by.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, us, sleeping together like that." Right. It was the third time they were having sex. It couldn't be called a one-night-stand or an experiment anymore.

"I don't know either, P'Mew." He really didn't but he knew something - "But I can't get enough of you, Phi." How could he? Their chemistry was too strong, he felt drawn to him in a way he couldn't explain. Mew's arms tightened around him.

"Do you want to keep doing it?"

Gulf pretended to think about it as he cuddled closer to the man, to not look too desperate even if he had little hope it could work. And also because his inner brat liked to make Mew wait. Blame him.

"Hmm, yes."

"So... what does that mean we are?" What could they be? It wasn't a one-time thing but they weren't lovers. They weren't in love with each other. But he wanted to keep the sex going so...

"Sex-friends. Like TharnType. But without Tharn's messy feelings."

"Sex-friends?" Gulf could see something close to sadness clouding Mew's eyes but he couldn't understand why. "I guess... that's alright." But it didn't sound alright though. But Gulf ignored it, he was too damn excited. He was finally allowed to seek his Phi for sex whenever he wanted. That's what he wanted from the start. There was nothing wrong with that right?

/End of flashback/

 

"Gulf? What are you thinking about? you're completely red."

He wasn't! Of course, he wasn't. Because he wasn't shy.

"I was thinking about the last time you fucked me so hard I felt it for days."

Defense mechanism engaged. Here you go Mr superstar with his shades in the middle of the night.

"I... Gulf.. What the hell?!"

"What? Did I say something wrong P'Mew? It's you who asked." Gulf's chest filled with satisfaction as Mew's cheeks redden and the older shuttered.

"I..." Not so smart anymore, huh?

Gulf raised his eyebrows teasingly before dipping his spoon in his ice cream again. Feeling proud of himself. They finished their dessert in silence, Mew trying to reign in his embarrassment while keeping an eye on Gulf's lips, fingers ready to wipe any messy ice cream that would stain his plump lips. And if Gulf purposefully smeared some once or twice at the corner of his mouth so Mew could clean it for him, no one had to know.

"Should we go to the arcade down the street? I can win you a plushie." Gulf looked at his Phi, half puzzled about why Mew would want to give him a plush toy and half wondering why this not-a-date felt more and more like a date.

"P'Mew, you don't have to give me anything for me to go home with you."

Opened mouth and wide eyes replaced the bright smile Mew was sporting.

"Yai Nong! Behave! I just want to win something for you."

Mew's pleading eyes were ripping Gulf's heart into shreds, he was trying to resist really hard but the older was a strong competitor in the puppy eyes game department. "As a souvenir." A souvenir of what?

Gulf decided it wasn't worth the headache Mew would give him if he refused.

"Ok, Phi." Gulf rolled his eyes and complied. His phi really knew how to make him do whatever he wanted. If he caught someone saying Mew was wrapped around his little finger, he would fucking riot. He was the one wrapped around Mew's pretty finger.

As they went down the street, Gull unconsciously walked closer to Mew, trying to avoid the sea of strangers occupying Bangkok's streets. He felt a hand snake around him, before settling on his waist. For unknown reasons, the crowd felt less oppressive and the ease that washed over his body was more than welcomed. He nearly tripped on his own feet as he tried to press himself closer to the older, both men ending in loud laughter and giggles. Gulf could already see the glaring lights of the arcade shop, its large claw machines and video game simulators with kids and teens gathered around them. Great. It was going to be loud and busy. Everything Gulf hated. His mood was deteriorating with each new loud scream from kids. He could feel Mew rubbing his side, probably trying to soothe him. And Gulf was grateful for that. It was helping. Kind of. He was inspecting the different claw machines, none of the prizes seemed worthy enough to spend money and time on. What the hell was Mew thinking? Huh, Gulf was tired. He wanted to go home.

He sulked his way into the shop until his eyes met a huge pile of otter plushies.

Fuck.

They were so cute. And Gulf melted on sight.

"I want this one!" He quickly cleared his throat, hoping Mew wouldn't comment on his excited scream while he tried to cool down his flush.

"The otter? Do you like them?"

Who didn't like otters? It was like asking if people like crispy pork or sleeping. Everyone liked them, right?

"They're so cute, Phi!"

Gulf then proceeded to drag Mew closer to the machine. The older man was already fishing out his wallet, in quest of some coins.

"Anything for my cute Nong, the cute otter it is." As he put the money in the machine, Mew threw a smug smirk at Gulf. "Let me show you what Phi can do."

The urge to tease the older man too strong, so Gulf walked behind him, flushed his body against his co-star's back, and whispered in his ear -

"If Phi can catch it, I'll let him do whatever he wants with me."

Silence.

"I don't think I need to win anything for you to do that. I just have to say the right words. Right? I know you can be a good boy."

Fuck. Phi was good at that game. He suddenly felt weak in the knees and he wobbled a bit. Quick. Something to say. Quicker! He wasn't going to lose to Mew like that.

"I..."

Why was he so stubborn? Always trying to start something he couldn't finish. He needed to learn his lesson for fuck's sake.

"Yes, Baby?" It was the first time Mew called him like that outside of their clandestine bedroom's activities and Gulf's heart skipped a beat before it started racing at an alarming pace.

"I..."

"That's what I thought." The older smirked and turned back to face the machine, ready to win the otter plush toy.

Gulf was still speechless. Damn him, he hated himself when he was like that, all tongue-tied and brainless. He felt out of place, embarrassed, and to distract himself he fished his phone out. Luckily he had some notifications on Twitter so he wouldn't have to pretend to text someone. He heard Mew cursed as he dropped the toy once again before furiously putting another coin in the machine. Gulf had hundred of mentions, he tried to read some to see what the fans were talking about. Most of them were excited but some were... worried. His eyes roamed around the comment and settled on one. He was used to them already but they still hurt him. Another fan, if he could call them like that, warning him about his P'Mew. Telling him to be careful, to not let himself get fool by the gentle demeanor, that Mew was a molester and a monster in disguise. Gulf felt sick. His stomach twisting in his abdomen and anger flowing in his veins. He read the next one and this time it was him who was being slandered. They called him an attention seeker, that he was just like Mew's previous co-start, that he would hurt Mew the first chance he got. Fuck them all, they had nothing in common. Gulf wasn't a bad person. Sure, he had his flaws but he would never hurt someone on purpose. And how could they be the same? He was different, their relationship was different. Or was it?

"P'Mew, did you sleep with P'Art?"

Mew stilled and looked at Gulf, his hands tightly clutching the machine's handle, eyes wide and afraid, before the fear was replaced by anger for a second before settling on pain and sadness. Fuck Gulf and his loud mouth. He fucked up again.

"No." He noticed Mew was trying to be cold and detached but he could see the pain so clearly. Gulf felt relief wash over his body. He was special.

"I never asked before because I don't really care about rumors but I get a lot of mentions on Twitter about it." Gulf never believed anything that was said on Twitter, he knew Mew and he knew he could trust him. He knew it the moment their eyes met in the audition room.

"Yeah? I get them too." Sigh. The pain made way for anger into the dark orbs. And Gulf felt his lungs constrict. Mew was affected. A lot. He should just shut up.

"Is Phi ok? Some are really nasty. I'd like to just shove their phone down their throat so they'd choked on it." He really would if he could. Those fuckers deserved to chock on their own words.

"Gulf! What the hell." Was he wrong though? At least Mew smiled. And that was all Gulf really wanted.

"Phi knows I don't believe anything they are saying, right P'Mew?"

"I know." Mew looked thoughtful, eyes downcast before abruptly lifting his head to meet Gulf's eyes "Ok. What's with all the questions suddenly? You want to know what happened?"

"You don't have to. I just want to know if you are ok with... everything." With the hate, the blame, the bullying. Everything. Gulf didn't think about it a lot, but sometimes he feared it would be too much, even for his Phi who looked unattainable.

"Why? Are you worried?" Gulf rolled his eyes at the hopeful tone. He was but he wouldn't say it. It was against his bratty shield. He could be soft but not that soft.

"No. I just want Phi to be comfortable. "

"So you're worried." Mew's grin should be comforting after seeing him so upset a minute ago but Gulf was too focused on pretending to not be worried.

"Whatever. I don't care." Gulf huffed before concentrating on the claw machine beside them. The noise around them was creeping inside his head, slowly transforming itself into a headache, the harsh lightning accentuating it.

"Ok. I'll tell you." Mew took a deep breath and leaned his back against the machine. His gaze alternatively looking at Gulf's face and at the ground. He extended his hand, silently asking for Gulf to hold his hand. The younger complied quickly, for once he won't be difficult. "There really isn't much to say. I fell in love with someone who didn't feel the same." Fuck. Gulf hated it. Hated the thought of Mew loving someone. He wasn't sure why but the way his stomach twisted was explicit enough. "It happens. And then he just got scared and did something stupid." The younger felt his anger rise. Hot and burning deep inside of him.

"Why are you finding him excuses, P'Mew!? He doesn't deserve it." He tried to keep his voice down but his anger was fueled by Mew's defeated and accepting attitude.

"I'm not finding him excuses, Yai Nong. The human species is complex. Sometimes we do things without thinking, because of multiple reasons."

"Are you still in love with him?" Gulf was furious inside. Phi was his. He couldn't love someone, he couldn't think about someone else. They weren't in love or even together but they were special. What they had was special. He wouldn't accept it.

"No, of course not. I just.." Good. Mew who was still holding his hand used his grip to pull Gulf to him. When he was close enough, he sneaked his arms around Gulf's small waist, holding him close, but not enough for them to be touching. "I've been angry for a really long time. Now, I just want a chance to prove that I'm not the person he described, and succeed. It will be my revenge."

"Is it why you don't want anyone to know about us?" He asked, voice softer, his nerves had been eased down by Mew's close proximity.

"There isn't really a 'us' Yai Nong, right?" Right. The younger man ignored the painful ripping sensation he felt inside his chest. There wasn't a 'us' but they were special, he knew it. "But yes that's why. You're six years my junior, Gulf. It would be easy for people to think I lured you in or pressured you to sleep with me. I don't want to be seen like that. Ever."

"You have me now." And Gulf didn't want to hear anything more, he just wanted for his Phi to forget about it all, and win him the otter plushie. Enough of this somber mood, Mew should only focus on him now. He should really learn when to shut up. Mew hummed in answer, clearly not really believing his word. Gulf would show him. "I'll protect Phi. I won't let anyone talk badly about you. I'll show them you're a good person." His tone was determined and confident. He would. He swore to himself he would do everything he could to protect him. Mew was his friend and his mentor, he was special.

"I..." Gulf lifted his head at the strangled word, and he saw a tear fell down his Phi's cheek. "Thank you, Yai Nong."

"Phi, stop being a crybaby, you still need to win me that otter!" Mew smiled at him, nodding eagerly, his hands painfully digging into Gulf's side.

"Right. Right. If I win..." Mew's face got closer to Gulf's than what would be deemed acceptable and- "I'm going to ruin you." A shiver ran down Gulf's back. It was something that happened a lot when Mew got too close.

"I can't wait, P'Mew."

 


 

11th July - 22h43 - Samet Island, Thailand 

Mew was sulking on his bed. Alternatively playing sad songs on his guitar and rehearsing the script for tomorrow's scenes. How will they be able to film? He didn't want to see Gulf. And even less kissing him like he was the love of his life. He was a good actor, at least he thought he was decent, but acting while being upset with your co-star was difficult. He'd been sulking all day. It started before they left Bangkok for Samet. And since then, Gulf had ignored him. And Mew had ignored Gulf. They were ignoring each other. It had been hard to not check on him when Gulf had been sick on the boat. It had been hard when they had to act this afternoon. It had been hard to realize that the crispy pork he had saved for Gulf during dinner hadn't been eaten, as Gulf had sat on the other end of the table. Far from him. Mew had waited for the younger to come to him to apologize. But he never came. The longer Gulf waited, the harder it was for Mew to stand his ground. His chest felt too tight and like his skin couldn't contain his whole body. He was angry but he also wanted to go and reconcile with Gulf. He was missing him. He had missed him all day, even when they were standing next to each other. Mew was temperamental but he wasn't good at staying angry for long. Especially since their first big fight. He was so afraid of losing him, of losing their precarious mascarade of a relationship that he would willingly be the first to apologize. But his wary heart was pushing him to hold back. To not let himself get consume by his feelings and accept everything and anything from the younger. He couldn't be that person again. He won't allow it. Gulf had to be the one taking the first step.

He dropped his script on the bed, sighing before picking his guitar up once again. He strummed the chords a few times, singing softly some sad love song, how cliché of him. Why was his love life always so complicated? He really must have had bad karma.

As he was going to switch back to his script when a knock on the door made him pose his movements. Could it be...

"Yeah?"

"P'Mew? It's your Yai Nong. Can I come in?" Mew could hear Gulf's contrite voice. Good. The boy knew he was wrong. After some hesitation, he sighed. They had to deal with it before going to bed. And he wanted them to reconcile so he wasn't about to tell him to fuck off.

"Yes." He tried to keep his voice even, not angry, not too soft to show he was still mad. He got this. He could do it.

Gulf walked slowly into the room, looking a bit too indifferent for Mew's liking. Couldn't the boy show his emotions like a normal human being for once?

"Are you still mad, Phi?"

He had the decency to look a bit sheepish at least. That was something. But Mew was struggling too. The mere sight of his boy, standing awkwardly in his room, made him want to take him in his arms and suffocate him with cuddles. He could at least come and sit on the bed instead of dancing on his feet like he couldn't decide what to do with himself.

"I am." No need to deny it. His annoyance was probably written on his face anyway. Even if he wanted to reconcile and cuddle his boy, he was still annoyed. "Why did you come?"

"To rehearse."

Not... what he expected.

"Only to rehearse?" His disappointment loudly ringed in his voice, if Gulf couldn't decipher the mood then the boy was far more clueless than Mew thought he was.

"Hmmm."

Alright then... They would have to do it the hard way.

"You don't want to apologize?" Here, was it clear enough for the younger?

"Aow! Why do I need to apologize?" Maybe not that clear then. "You're the one in the wrong! You should be happy I came here." Mew was taken aback by Gulf's genuine offended tone. What the...

"Gulf, I... I don't even know what to say. If you can't see what you did wrong then we have a serious problem." And he meant it. He felt his anger slowly rose, invading inside his bones, like vicious little ants digging their way inside their anthill. He couldn't let the situation get out of hand though. He had already promise Gulf he wouldn't raise his voice at him anymore and he always kept his promises. Yes, he was mad, but no, he wouldn't lash out.

"Why are you always like that?! It doesn't matter, the girl doesn't matter!"

"It matters to me, and if you don't care about it, you could at least consider my feelings!" He had managed to keep his voice steady and even but the last few words had ended up escaping him louder than he would have wanted to. He got up from the bed, nearly knocking his guitar down, and took a step forward Gulf. The boy kept his ground, he was trying to hold his gaze the best he could. Mew could see the younger was feeling guilty, under his confident attitude, it was evident he knew he was wrong even if he didn't want to admit it.

"I'm sorry." In the end, Mew was the first one to apologize. Gulf's look of surprise pushed Mew to explain further. "I didn't mean to raise my voice." He extended his hand to Gulf and invited him to seat on the bed. The younger complied nonchalantly and sat next to Mew. Too close for two men who were supposed to be fighting. Mew could feel the heat emanating from the boy's body. It felt good. Warm. He had to physically restrain himself from wrapping his arm around Gulf's waist. He had missed him so much.

Mew stayed silent.

"P'Mew, why are you so upset? I didn't do anything worth being this angry." Gulf was scowling at him. Mew, for once, couldn't understand what was going on inside the pretty little head of his boy. Apparently feeling guilty a second and offended the next was a thing. He watched as Gulf's fingers curled and uncurled periodically, a sign of obvious stress. Mew took the hand in his, intertwining their fingers. The younger seemed to relax at the small gesture. Good.

"I'm upset because..." Hell, how could he explain it without giving too much insight into the extent of his feelings? "I don't like it when you let people flirt with you. That girl..." His breath caught in his lungs at the memory of that pretty woman, hanging off of Gulf's arm. " She was all over you. And you said nothing." That hurt. "She kept touching you..." It was the worst. The lion inside snarled at the thought, possessive and territorial, his boy was his. No one was allowed to touch him. Despite Mew's attempts at taming it, the lion wasn't backing off. It was angry. "... and you said nothing." Mew knew that Gulf was too shy to reciprocate her advances but what if he wanted to and was just enabled to? Gulf wasn't his emotionally but his body was for as long they keep up their little arrangement. At least, in Mew's head.

The boy stayed silent, looking down at their entwined fingers. Thoughtful. Like he couldn't grasp what was so wrong with the situation. Maybe he was right. Maybe Mew didn't have the privilege to feel that way.

"But..." Gulf closed his mouth, searching his words. "But we are not in love, why would you be jealous, P'Mew?" Mew's fingers tightened around the younger ones and the lion jumped at his ribcage, trying to break free from its symbolic cage. He was jealous. So fucking jealous. And disheartened. How could it be that easy for the boy to sleep with him and let a girl flirt with him the day after? The boy was his.

"Even if we are not..." Come on, he could say it. "... in love, I'm still possessive of you. Your body is mine, for as long as we sleep together." There, easy peasy. He didn't even shutter that much. And if it was reaping his heart out of his ribcage to say those words, no one had to know. He knew he rationally couldn't ask for this but he had to try. He had resolved himself to take everything he could from this relationship. Whatever Gulf was willing to give him, he would take it.

Mew took a deep breath and waited. He waited for Gulf to tell him off. When it didn't come, he allowed himself to hope for an agreement. When the agreement didn't come either he felt his heart dropped in his stomach. Why was he so silent? He even wished for a snarky comment. Anything but silence.

It didn't come.

"Gulf, you were the one who sought this relationship, I didn't want it at first you know that perfectly." Great way to go, blaming the younger would surely give him what he wanted. But to his relief Gulf didn't look upset. "Even if we are not really in a relationship, in the classical sense of the word, we still have something. And that something isn't insignificant for me." Far from it.

"I know, Phi. I'm... " The boy opened and closed his mouth. "I won't do it again."

"Thank you, Yai Nong."

It wasn't exactly what Mew hoped for but it would have to do. He had to stop being so demanding.

The older man felt Gulf shift closer to him, flushing their side together. He finally gave in and pulled Gulf into a hug. The boy immediately grasped his shirt in his hand, wrinkling the fabric in the process. He felt a nose rubbed the sensitive skin of his throat. No. Not right now. They couldn't solve all their problems with sex.

As he pulled away from the hug, Gulf whined softly, clearly dissatisfied. The whine was followed by a wince. Was the boy hurt?

"What is it?"

He searched the younger's face for any traces of discomfort. It confirmed his fear, the boy was hurting.

"Tell me Gulf. Where are you hurting?"

"I hurt my back earlier." How? When? Who? Why? Mew held on tight to those questions, he knew how Gulf hated being overwhelmed with questions. The boy would tell him on his own when he felt like it. But in the meantime, there was something he could do.

"Let Phi gives you a massage."

Silence.

"Ok." The pretty blush on Gulf's cheeks was enough for Mew to read the younger's mind. But they'd have to control themselves for once.

"Lie down on your front. And remove your shirt." As Gulf executed the demand, Mew was supposed to retrieve his tiger balm but he was transfixed by the beautiful skin being exposed. He had to calm down. Deep breathe. Dick down. Massage. He was supposed to give the boy a massage. And not the inappropriate kind.

"Phi?" The man shook himself awake and tore his eyes from the gorgeous boy laying in front of him. Rummaging through his toiletries to retrieve his balm, his fingers brushed against a square package. He considered taking the lube back with him before deciding against it. He needed to get his mind out of the gutter, godammit. Alright. Differential equations. Statistical inference. Ok. Good.

As he made his way back to his bed, Mew forced himself to keep his eyes down, he had to or the massage would never happen. But he had to face the reality. He'd have to see the boy at some point. That beautiful and adorable boy. Annoying but so endearing in his own way. Huh. Only he would find himself going all mushy on his boy 20 seconds after having to kill his hard-on.

He took a second to breathe before climbing on the bed. Gulf had stripped down to his underwear and his perky ass was like a lustful invitation. Mew slowly straddled his thighs, trying to minimize the contact between his hips and the two perfect globes. Maybe it was all just an absurd rule Mew created in his mind. They were sex-friends. They could perfectly have sex if they wanted to. But something, something he couldn't pinpoint exactly was telling him to hold back. That even if they reconciled they shouldn't just jump into sex. Even if he was craving it.

"Is that ok?" Mew asked as he put more of his weight on the plush thighs. Damn. He'd give anything to slide his cock in between those perfect, smooth thighs. He felt himself grow inside his sweatpants and cursed himself. Why had he no control over his own body when the younger was involved? He wasn't a teenager anymore for god's sake.

Gulf only hmmed at him in answer and Mew focused on sliding his hands up and down Gulf's back. Focusing on the small of his back, where the strain seemed to be the most pronounced. He ignored Gulf's appreciative little moans as best as he could. He had a job to do. His hands looked so big compared to the slender waist of the boy. He added some more balm, the greasy oil shining on the younger's skin. He resisted the urge to dig his fingers into the exposed flesh, and distracted himself by setting a movement pattern. Up. Down. Thumbs rolling over the knots around the boy's spine. Then up the shoulders and down again by sliding gently over his sides. It kept his mind focused. He was being good.

"Phi?" The younger strangled voice startled Mew as he was too deep inside his own head.

"Yes?"

"Why were you so upset about that girl?"

Not again. Please. Not. Again. On the brighter side, it had definitely killed any lingering shreds of want.

"I already told you."

"I want the real reason."

Such a brat. Of course, he would be lucid on the sole subject Mew didn't want him to be. Just his luck.

"It's the real reason."

"Nevermind I thought..." The words died down before Gulf finished his sentence. Mew should leave it at that. They'd move on to another conversation and everything would be alright.

"You thought what?" And... dumb Mew was back. Why couldn't he just let the boy sulk on his own? Seriously! What was his deal? It wasn't in his sex-friend's requirements to soothe him and indulge him all the freaking time.

"Nothing."

Mew rolled his eyes at the bratty tone and pressed his thumbs into Gulf's small of his back a bit too hard for it to be a coincidence.

"Gulf." His threatening voice was out before he could hold it and he drank the sight of goosebumps covering Gulf's skin. Boy really had something for his domineering attitude. Was it a good or a bad thing? Mew didn't know yet.

"I thought maybe... it was because of the thing I heard about Phi's exes."

"And that would be?"

"Phi was always cheated on before right?" Aow. That stung a bit. Gulf must have heard that from Mild. But why was Mild going around telling people about his past break up? Hmm... he'd have to talk to him.

"Er, yes." What more could he say? He didn't really want to spend the night talking about his countless love failures.

"Then, that's probably why you are possessive of me." Gulf said matter of factly. Confident and sure of himself. But he wasn't even close to the truth.

"Probably, yes." It was better like that. Gulf didn't have to know that his whole body was aching to lock him in a room and never let him out so no one could ever flirt with him again. Definitely, it had to remain undisclosed. "I have always been a bit possessive of the people I cared about." The more he cared, the more possessive he was. What an adorable human being he was. Mew hated it. With passion. "I'm trying to get better though. At least a bit." The lion inside growled, Mew could guess his dissatisfaction at the idea of being erased permanently.

"I'm not possessive."

"Really?" Mew caught himself before his hands wandered too much. His palms were law on Gulf's back, his thumbs brushing the swell of Gulf's pretty backside. Damn. If he could just let himself grab those cheeks. He hurriedly moved them back up again toward his shoulders and started his carefully-thought pattern again.

"Hmm, I never cared about my ex-girlfriend posing naked or people flirting with her."

"Maybe you weren't in love." Maybe Gulf didn't know what love was, he was only 21 after all.

"I was I think. I just didn't care."

"But you don't like it when I pay attention to others more than you."

Here you go, Mister Brat. Mew was waiting for the right time to remind him of how possessive the younger was of him. And now seemed like the perfect timing.

"HUH?"

"Am I wrong?" All smug tone and smirk, Mew slapped his hands on each side of the slender waist.

"How did you notice?" Really, one hadn't had to be Einstein to see it.

"You always scowl when I play with other actors and you suddenly feel like sitting on my lap and cuddle me as if your life depended on it every time, Yai Nong."

"I'm not possessive of you." Mew laughed. The delighted sound echoing in the room. "I just... I just want Phi's attention because I'm Phi's favorite Nong." It was cute how Gulf thought it was a good enough reason.

But Mew knew better.

"That's being possessive, Gulf."

"Whatever." His annoyed tone made Mew chuckled. How cute. And Mew scolded himself internally. Whipped man.

Silence.

"I like it." He did. Shame on him, he did.

"Like what?" Annoyance and stubbornness were filling the rookie actor's voice.

"I like it when you come and sit on my lap to get my attention." Mew was just a sucker for attention. He loved being needed. It was who he was. The lion inside his chest strutted around in his bone cage, it was agreeing. "I feel like you care about me... like I matter."

"But Phi, you always mattered, where is this coming from?" Mew's heart skipped a beat. His whole body relaxing at once. He should be careful. But the idea of being loved felt too good at the moment.

"Nowhere. Don't worry I'm just being silly."

"Ok."

Gulf felt silent and Mew kept on working his hands on his back. The knots framing his spine had dissolved. He continued his massage for some time, his touch more a caress than a massage.

"Yai Nong?" Nothing. "Gulf?" A snore. Damn him. The boy fell asleep. Mew chuckled lightly and carefully slid down Gulf's thighs. He didn't want to wake him up. Mew felt a bit annoyed at the idea of Gulf sleeping in his bed unshowered but the young man's adorable snoring was appeasing his inner clean freak. Mew took his time to admire the boy's beautiful curves. His back was still shiny from the oil. Covering him was out of the question for now. So Mew made his way to the bathroom attached to the resort's bedroom.

Clothes off and make up removed, he stepped into the shower. He let the warm water run over him, his own back aching from his position during the massage. Today really hadn't gone like he thought it would. What should have been a mix of work and vacation ended up stressful and tiring. He took his time to wash himself, washing his feelings away in the process. The hurt, the sadness, the frustration. It all went down the shower drain. He felt lighter, more comfortable in his own skin, the tightness in his chest gone. But for how long? It was a question he was asking himself every day. For how long this mockery of a relationship would last? What would happen the day Gulf would be bored off him and find someone else to entertain him? What would he do with his shattered heart then?

He shook the thoughts away. He promised himself already. He'd take what he could from this relationship. He'd do with what Gulf was willing to give. Nothing more, nothing less. Easy. Uncomplicated. Sex-friends.

The worst part here was that no matter how broken he might end up being, he would do it again. Because he couldn't fight his heart and his body. He wanted Gulf. The simple thought of his boy, lying half-naked in his bed was starting a fire in the pit of his stomach. Warmth filling him from inside. And soon, he let his hand wander. In places he knew Gulf would touch and caress because it seemed like the young actor had a particular fondness for his muscles. The lust in his eyes never lied. The hands contracting spasmodically on his biceps when he would cum weren't Mew's imagination. He finally reached south and took himself in his hand. His hand wasn't his, it was smaller and darker, inexperienced but oh so willing and enthusiast. Then it was an eager mouth. Warm. Wet. Struggling but determined. Mew imagined thrusting into his boy's mouth, shallow at first. To tease. Then hard and unforgiving. Because Mew couldn't have mistaken Gulf's liking for his dominant nature. He imagined fucking his cock in between his boy's awaiting lips, down his throat. Watch him choke and struggle to breathe. When he came, he didn't come in his own hand but on Gulf's tongue. Good boy. Fuck.

Mew slowly opened his eyes, he was back inside the cozy bathroom. He washed off the remaining of his orgasm and the soap on his body in a daze. Once dressed up in a clean pair of underwear and an oversized shirt he walked into the room. Gulf had moved since he had left. He had probably been cold as he was now cocooned under the blanket. The man carefully slid beside him, before gathering the boy in his arms. A groan. Shit. Had he woken up the younger? But no. The young man still had his eyes closed as he shuffled closer to the new heat source in the bed. Mew accepted the head on his shoulder, kissed the mop of hair on top of it. And he whispered in the night because no one had to know. No one was supposed to know. But the words were clawing at his throat, desperately trying to break free. So he let them out.

"I love you."

Mew knew it now. He was more fucked than he thought. Two months in and he was too far gone. He was in love. It wasn't a crush. He loved his boy.

The ember of his love had catch fire slowly but surely and his love was now burning, a strong bonfire glowing in the night. And he would have to live with it.

 


 

21st July - 15h01 - An hotel room, TharnType Filming Set, BKK

Gulf was playing a game of ROV on his phone. Well, playing might be too overstated, more like losing endlessly and ruining his star ranking. His head was lying on Mew's chest, a weird sense of déjà vu. How come they always ended up like that on set? Sure, they were comfortable together but they'd end up looking like Siamese twins if they kept this up. His neck was hurting as it must have been a good half an hour that he was resting on Mew. They had been filming since 6 am and while Gulf could barely keep his eyes open, his inner Type was too restless to let him sleep so he was venting his unwanted feelings on fictive little characters rather than actual human beings.

Today, they were acting Tharn and Type breaking up scene. He felt moody all day, Type's feelings lingering on him after each take. He was glad he had his Phi though. Only he could bring him back to the real world. He was thankful for that. Not that he would say it out loud. He wasn't as sappy as Mew. Thank you very much.

Mew was sleeping. Gulf could feel his slow breathing making his chest rise underneath his head. He was envious. He wanted to sleep too. How unfair. Mew should play with him or keep him company at least instead of sleeping. How annoying. Gulf was mentally keeping his inner brat at bay, the urge to just shake the man awake was strong. But Mew had been crying for the most part of the day, and the young man knew he should let him rest. But... he was in a mood for attention. That was weird. Because really he wasn't clingy, he didn't even like having people around most of the time. But as often, his Phi was the exception. Since the day he met him, he had been an exception. To a lot of things. He was the first guy to make him blush. Sure, he couldn't deny that on some rare occasions he had found other boys visually interesting but it had never been strong enough to make him doubt his sexuality. But when Mew came into his life. Wow. Everything he knew, everything he was, shattered. It scared him at first. But not for long. He was like that. If he wanted something, he would get it. Easy. He wanted Mew. He got him. Easy. No need to overthink anything, no need for deep introspection or headaches.

He was also the first person he was seeking affection from. He wasn't really affectionate. Actually... that was an understatement. He hated being touched. Or cuddled. Touching was often making him uncomfortable and he would scowl at anyone coming too close. He cherished his personal space and his little world was mostly solitary. But somehow, after 3 weeks of meeting Mew, they had been glued to one another. Sleeping together, cuddling, hugging, sharing food, and whatnot, it was part of his day to day life since he met the man. And it was all Mew's fault. Gulf blamed him for turning his independent, auto-sufficient self into a needy, clingy cat who couldn't live without belly rubs and warm hugs. Hell.

Then Mew had been the first, and unique so far, man he ever has been sexually attracted to. Sure, he had found other men handsome, and sure, his eyes might have wandered over defined chests and muscled asses a tad more often than what would be heterosexually acceptable but it was nothing like what he had felt for his older co-star in the few weeks after meeting him. This obsessing need of wanting to know what it would be like to be intimate with him. It had consumed him so deeply he hadn't been able to control himself. Looking back on the last 2 months, he was glad he had had little control over himself. Hell, it granted him nights and nights of amazing sex with the sexy man.

Gulf lost his train of thought as he felt the man move underneath him. It was his cue to wake him up without looking clingy. Smart boy.

"P'Mew, you're awake?" He asked, voice too loud for Mew to ignore. The man groaned but kept his eyes closed, fighting the hotel room's bright light.

"P'Mew, come on, wake up." Mew could probably pictured Gulf's petulant pout in his sleep as the corner of lips curled into a smirk.

"Why?" He teased. His sleepy voice making his heart beat funnily. He'd never understand how this organ of his worked. It really was a mystery. It was beating perfectly fine and sometimes it was making those little summersaults and it felt weird. Nevermind. It wasn't important. What was important was that he finally got his Phi's attention and he would keep it.

"Play with me."

And Gulf shoved his phone into Mew's face, nearly bumping his nose, to show him he was playing ROV. Mew never said no to a game before. Mew rarely said no to anything Gulf asked to be precise.

"No."

Sorry? No? That wouldn't do. Gulf could feel his annoyance rising at being denied. Mew wasn't supposed to just ignore his existence like that. It was time for bigger guns.

"Play with me or I'll tickle you." Childish but effective. Nothing could make Mew give in better than some tickles. Except maybe Gulf's well-trained puppy eyes.

"Aow, that's some serious threat. but still no."

"Why~" So unfair. He wasn't above sulking if things didn't go his way. Mew should know. A happy Gulf was a cute Gulf. A sulky Gulf could be a nightmare. He wasn't especially proud of it but well, he was how he was.

"Sleepy~"

Mew turned his head back, burying half his face in the pillow, apparently going back to sleep.

As if Gulf would allow that. Alright. If his Phi wanted to do it the hard way, no problem. Gulf was in. He raised his head slightly from his position on the older's man chest, checking if he still had his eyes closed. Good. He prepared both his index fingers, ready to dab them onto Mew's side. He dived in and one second later, Mew's laughter was bouncing against the wall of the hotel room. Gulf could only enjoy a few seconds of entire power over Mew before he felt his wrists being grabbed and pined by his side. He didn't even try to struggle against the firm grip. He was exactly where he wanted. In Mew's arms, with his undivided attention. Good boy. He was smart. The evil villain kind of smart. His plans were always working perfectly. If he could he would be rubbing his hands as the perfect Disney Villain. But that would probably be weird. Even for him.

Mew manhandled him some more until the older was in a comfortable position. Squished against Gulf, head resting on his shoulder, both arms encircling him and one leg was thrown over him. Comfy. Gulf watched as his Phi closed his eyes once again, ready to go back to sleep. Huh, so much effort to wake him up only for him to go back to sleep. Gulf shook his shoulder, and it effectively made Mew's eyes open again.

"Let me sleep." He was cute when he was whining. Was he really 7 years older than Gulf? "You should sleep too." Right. If it was that easy, Gulf would be fast asleep too.

"I can't."

"Oh?" Concern was filling the actor's voice. "That's unlike you. Something is on your mind." It wasn't a question, more like an affirmation. He knew him too well. Attentive asshole. He was always making Gulf look bad in comparison.

Silence.

Gulf didn't want to talk about it.

"You can tell Phi, you know."

"It's nothing, I'm just feeling restless because of Type."

Mew shifted on the bed until Gulf was the one with his head resting in the crook of his neck. An expensive yet delicate scent filling his nose. Mew buried his own face in his hair, sniffing him. Weirdo. Who'd do that? Gulf wasn't sniffing his neck, him. He was just breathing. Heavily. That was different. He felt one of Mew's hand slid under his shirt, caressing his back slowly. Gulf had had to learn the hard way that when Mew was seeking skin contact it didn't mean anything more than that he needed to be close. To feel physically close. So Gulf willed himself to not think about things that wouldn't happen on set. Trust him, he tried before and he ended up with blue balls. Not fun. He didn't try again since.

He tried to focus on Type. Now that he was safe and cuddled up, he could try to dissociate himself from Type. His character was in so much pain, his anger and insecurities were battling inside his mind. He was trying so hard to be a better person for the one he loved, for Tharn. But his insecurities were eating him alive, an ocean of what-ifs, what if Tharn didn't want to take him back, what if he decided he wanted Tar instead, what if Type had broken his heart too many times and he couldn't put it back together anymore.

Gulf couldn't relate to Type. He could understand the concept of being broken-hearted but he never felt like that before. Desperate, wrecked. Like his world had crumbled down and there was nothing left of him.

"Did you ever had such a messy break-up, P'Mew?"

Aaaand he was back with his too personal questions that Mew probably didn't want to answer. Fuck him and his mouth. He had to learn. Thoughts could stay inside his head, they didn't have to run freely over his tongue like they owned the fucking place.

He could feel Mew tense under him, his shoulder contracting, his hand stilling on his back, fingers digging compulsorily before relaxing.

"Why the sudden interest in my love life?"

"Just curious I guess." He couldn't tell him he simply couldn't keep his mouth shut to save his life. "When I broke up with my ex-girlfriend, we didn't even shed a tear."

"You weren't in love anymore?"

"I guess so." Gulf wasn't sure he ever was in love, to begin with. "It was more like a good companionship with benefits." It had been easy. Everyone expected him to have a girlfriend, parents, friends, acquaintances. He was a handsome young man, why would he be single? So he found himself a pretty girl. Someone who he could parade with, someone who would keep him company at night, someone who would be busy enough that he wouldn't have to put too much effort into their relationship.

"Like us?"

A shiver ran down his back at the ice-cold tone. What? No. They were nothing like what he was with his ex-girlfriend. Right? Mew cared about him and he cared about Mew. It was... more... than what he had with his past-lover. He felt different. He didn't really understand why or what was so different but he knew deep down that something, somehow, was different.

"Not really."He was confused, he tried to express his thoughts but they were all tangled up. "It was more because it was convenient to have someone to go to when we felt lonely. And for the sex too." Mew growled a "like us then." and what the hell? No. It was different. But he was too damn confused by his own mind to argue. So he went the easy way, the teasing way.

"Are you jealous?"

"I'm not. I just don't like hearing about the sex you had before me."

"So you're jealous." If Mew could just admit it for fuck's sake. Gulf liked the idea of Mew being jealous. Again, it wasn't making much sense to him why he would like it. He guessed it must be that he liked the idea of a worked up Mew... it would probably be great for sex. Ok. Stop. Dead kittens. Toothless grandmas. They were on set. No blue balls. Please.

"I'm not!" It would have been more convincing if Mew's voice wasn't filled with bitterness and hidden anger. "I told you already. I'm possessive. And for now, you're mine." And that was different from being jelly how? Although... hearing Mew saying Gulf was his always made his stomach clench, a swarm of lepidopterans were having a party inside him. He liked that thought a bit too much. It couldn't be normal. No one liked to be possessed.

But fair enough. Gulf didn't want to fight. Nor make his Phi upset. So he dropped the subject. It would change nothing anyway.

"If you say so P'Mew." And since Gulf was a brat he added "But it was different. I was topping." Gulf laughed at his joke, his head shaking Mew's shoulder. He could hear Mew's laughter joining in, even if it sounded a bit fake. He wasn't good at that. He was awkward and too blunt. Making people feel better after he fucked up wasn't his most well-developed skill. Quite the opposite in fact.

The worst is that he still had questions he wanted to ask. Curiosity overpowering common sense and etiquette.

"Did you ever went down on your knees like Tharn?"

"No." Mew took a second to breathe, swallowing back unwanted memories. "I screamed, cried, and pleaded but not on my knees. But sometimes I was just glad they were gone. Especially after they cheated."

"That sounds pretty awful." Lame. Gulf clearly didn't deserve any head pats today.

"Breakups aren't usually a walk in the park Gulf." Mew's voice reflected the heaviness of a heart that broke too many times. If Gulf knew how, he would console him, caress his head or something. But Gulf was Gulf. Hence, useless.

"I know, Phi." He did try, in his defense, to rub his hand down Mew's chest. A clumsy circle motion that has been abruptly stopped when Mew grabbed his wrist and kept it still. It wasn't his fault his fingers were unintentionally rubbing on his nipple. "Maybe your heart is too easy."

"I'm well aware of it, Yai Nong."

Silence.

"I always fall for people I shouldn't. Selfish, unreachable, manipulative, liar, sly. You name it and I probably dated this kind of person." His dejected tone hurt Gulf deep inside his being. No one deserved to be treated like that. Especially not his Phi.

"Phi deserves a good person." He meant it. His partner only deserved the best. Even if he selfishly didn't want it to happen in the near future. It would mean he would be replaced. He wouldn't be his Phi's number one priority anymore, he wouldn't be allowed to have sex with him, he wouldn't be allowed to touch him however he wanted. An ugly feeling settled down Gulf's chest, something dark and poisonous. He hated that feeling. It needed to go away. Now. Gulf shook his head, shaking off the nasty feeling in the process. Just in time to hear Mew's next sentence clearly.

"I think I might just give up on love."

"Really?"

Would that be good for Gulf? Was that too selfish?

"Hmmm. What's the point of trying so hard when it isn't reciprocated anyway?"

"I don't know." Gulf repositioned himself, trying to get closer to Mew. His mouth now a few millimeters away from the smooth skin of his Phi's neck, half of his body lying on top of the older man. "Maybe if you love someone a lot, they can end up loving Phi too." At least, if someone loved Gulf very much and showed it to him he would probably end up falling in love too. What could be better than someone caring for him, treating him like he was precious and who could handle his character?

"It's probably not worth the heartbreak."

Mew was probably right. Heartbreaks were not pretty and human beings only had one heart. It could only break so many times. It made sense. He glanced at Mew, his eyes were closed, face still a bit tense. Even his clueless self could see it was time to move on to another subject.

"Does Phi want to rehearse the script for tomorrow?"

"I'm sleepy, we'll see that tomorrow."

Gulf nodded, his phone and ROV were long forgotten, Type had finally decided to rest too, he could sleep. He shuffled some more, getting impossibly closer and he felt a hand ran down his hair, before settling there and massaging his scalp. He sighed in satisfaction. In the end, he managed to get those head pats. Good boy.

 


28th July - 21h34 - Gulf's Condo, BKK

They hadn't seen each other that next day.

Mew was in front of Gulf's condo's door. His breath was labored and his jeans felt too tight. His erection was making it hard for him to walk. And think. He hadn't thought when he dressed up after receiving a text from his boy. 'I want Phi to come to my condo. I can't get myself off." He hadn't thought about how demanding the text sounded. He hadn't thought either when he jumped inside his car and drove off to Gulf's condo.

Gulf finally opened the doo.

And he was still not thinking before slamming Gulf against his door after the boy let him in. Kissing him hard. Teeth sinking into the flesh of his Nong's lips. He had missed him so much the last few days. Filming was on hold and they hadn't seen each other the past week. He had time to think. About what he wanted. And unsurprisingly, he wanted Gulf. He remembered when he told Gulf he was giving up on love. It wasn't true. He was giving up trying to protect his heart, but he wasn't giving up on Gulf. Never.

He felt Gulf open his mouth in a cry as Mew's unforgiving hands gripped his ass tightly before hoisting him up. He used the opportunity to plunge his tongue down Gulf's soft and warm mouth. Their tongues recognizing each other and sliding against each other in perfect bliss. Gulf had wrapped his legs around his hips, his long limbs clutching awkwardly around him to try and keep his balance. Useless. Mew would never let him fall. He was nearing the end of his oxygen reserve. Out of breath, he parted from his Nong, eyes now fixated on the bruised lips. Fuck. They'd get killed if anyone saw him like that. Gulf gulped loudly and that single movement forced Mew's gaze to divert down his throat. To mark. To own. To bruise. He dived in, teeth and tongue lavishing at the quickly reddening skin. He wasn't thinking. His usually carefully composed behavior had been left behind at Mew's condo. The lion inside was growling and roaring. It needed to possess, to control. A week away had been too long. Mew wondered, in a moment of lucidity, how come this boy could bring out this side of him. A side he wanted to bury deep down, to hide from anyone he loved. But the moment was gone before he could realize it, a new wave of lustful fog invading his brain all over again.

"Fuck, Phi. Slow down."

"No." A growl. A threat.

"Please." The younger moaned as Mew snapped his hips against his.

"No. Stay put."

One of his hands left the cute perky ass it was holding and slid under Gulf's shirt, dragging his palm all over the full expense of his back, before reaching the front. A quick squizz on Gulf's belly before the fingers found a nipple. His blood had turned into liquid fire, every single nerve in this body was lightened up. He felt Gulf's head dropped on his shoulder as the boy's hands were gripping more and more tightly his arm and his nape. That would bruise. Good.

"Phi~" Mew heard the breathless call but didn't answer.

"Phi..." A groan. "Couch. Now." Mew twisted one of the erected nipples as punishment for Gulf's demanding tone but executed anyway. He secured his grip on the slim body in his arms and moved toward the couch.

He let Gulf dropped on it. His Nong's eyes were glassy, unfocused. His hands immediately went to the hem of his shirt and he took it off, Mew followed him and his own sweatshirt joined the shirt on the floor.

"P'Mew-" Gulf panted, struggling to remove his sweatpants. "What's gotten into you?"

Indeed. What's gotten into him?

Oh, God.

Mew took a step back from his position in front of the couch, nearly tripping over the coffee table. Realization coming down on him. What the hell was he doing?! He forced himself to breathe and looked at Gulf properly. He readied himself for the scolding he deserved. But the boy looked as lost as him.

"Why is Phi stopping?" Confusion and annoyance were written all over his round and pretty face. He had successfully removed his pants and was now sprawled on the couch, legs open and dick straining again his underwear. Mew had to force his eyes to move back up to Gulf's face.

"What?" He was so upset with himself, his brain couldn't focus. Anger and lust fighting in his mind. All he wanted to do was to fuck that boy in front of him. He couldn't register any other information. He was a passionate person, and it spread to every aspect of his life.

"Come on, fuck me, or I might die." Gulf whined. And Mew's pants grew impossible tighter. He absentmindedly opened the button of his jeans, trying to get some space. The action elicited a moan from the younger but only Mew's subconscious stored the information.

"What?"

"Stop that! Did your brain died when your blood rushed down your cock or something?" Fucking brat. Was Mew supposed to be angry? Amused? Was he supposed to apologize? He didn't know anymore.

"I'm sorry." Apologies it was. The easy path. The one he knew wouldn't cause trouble. ,

"Sorry about what? Come on Phi, what are you playing at? Can we get on with what we started?" Ok. Good. Gulf wasn't mad. Well... he looked like he was but Mew had decided to give up. If Gulf wanted him even after the little stunt he pulled, he won't complain.

"Yes... yes of course."

Mew took the two steps separating him from the couch. His hand was shaking as he caressed Gulf's neck. He bent down, leveling his head with the younger's one. He was waiting for him. Lips parted, breathe heavy and unsteady. As their lips made contact once again, Mew tried to physically apologize. Softly and tenderly. His co-star tried to deepen the kiss, his tongue aggressively searching for his. But Mew held back. He wasn't going to let the animal inside win. He sucked softly on the boy's lower lip, his hands trying to be as loving as he could with all the turmoil going on in his head. It wasn't easy. And Gulf's constant whines were not helping either. He caressed a round cheek, his thumb brushing the red skin. But Gulf didn't look pleased. Why?

The younger harshly pulled back from their kiss, his hand tightening even more tightly in Mew's hair. He was scowling when Mew locked his gaze with him. What Gulf saw in his eyes must have satisfied him as his eyebrows relaxed and a smirk spread on his lips.

"What is Phi doing?"

"Kissing you." What else? Did Gulf finally lose it?

"Thank you P'Mew for this..." Eyes rolled. "... as dumb as I may look, I had noticed." Such a brat. The need to put him in his place was coming back. Stronger. Fiercer.

"Be careful." The growl rolled up from his chest to his lips. Every fiber of his body was tense. He almost backed out. His patience was wearing thin and he didn't know what he could do to the boy if Gulf kept on acting up.

"Or what?" It was challenge that Mew could hear in his voice. He was tempting him, pushing him further than he ever had before. He wanted to see him snap. It couldn't happen. Or could it?

"Or..." Or it wouldn't be pretty. His voice left him as Gulf ran his hands up to his hair, grabbing it tightly, pushing his upper body against Mew.

"Or you'll kiss me like you did 10 minutes ago? Then please go ahead and take me. I'm offering myself in sacrifice. I have a noble heart."

"Are you sure?"

Gulf looked at him under his eyelashes. Cunning and tempting. Mew had to physically restrain himself from jumping on him. He'd ruin him.

Was he allowed to do that?

"Do your worst, P'Mew." He was allowed.

Mew grabbed Gulf's throat pulling him up and crashed their lips together. He bit his lower lip and forced his way in, tongue eagerly finding its twin. His hand unconsciously clutched around the slender neck as Mew tried to keep himself afloat. He felt Gulf's breath hitched and the boy whimpered. He let go before he would lose control completely, forcing his hand down Gulf's body. His palm slid down his skin, brushing over a nipple before reaching the young man's enclosed hardness. The front of his boxer was wet. Hell. He loved this.

"Phi~" Mew answered his co-actor's whine by grabbing his member. Slowly. Painfully slow if Gulf's huffs and frantic hips thrusts were anything to go by. Gulf hands left his hair to reach for his own underwear, quickly removing it. The older of the two watched as his pretty dick sprang free from its confinement and rested on his stomach, dripping precum over the smooth skin.

"Spread your legs, Yai Nong."

Gulf executed the demand in a heartbeat, his cheeks reddening. Mew was still standing, hovering over the boy and his back was starting to hurt. He wanted to curse his age. He placed a knee on the couch and rested one of his hands on the headrest. Gulf looked so much smaller under him. Cute. He watched as Gulf let his head dropped back, swollen lips slightly parted. Damn. He couldn't resist. He dived on his mouth, swallowing Gulf's whimpers. How was it always so good with the younger boy? It was so easy. Like they were constantly on the wavelength. Connected. Meant to be.

Gulf handed him a bottle of lube as he pulled back from the kiss. He didn't question where it came from, Mew couldn't think about anything except his Nong. His whole world had narrowed down to him and only him. He coated his fingers generously. The man had to admit he liked it when Gulf was dripping wet. Also, the younger man had never complained about it. And Gulf wasn't the type to hold back on his complaints. Mew suppressed a chuckle at the thought. His boy was indeed something else.

He took his mouth once again after inserting his index inside Gulf. This position was killing him. But his lover looked comfortable and not at all ready to move around. So Mew swallowed back his pain and added another finger into Gulf's tightness, eliciting a loud moan from the younger. Shit. He probably could live on Gulf's moans alone. The sinful sound pushed him to add a third finger, meeting little resisting considering how slippery Gulf's entrance was. Lube did a good job.

"Hurry up~" Welcome back Brat. But Mew wouldn't have it today. If he understood the younger correctly, he wasn't opposed to Mew's rough tendencies. He'd show him rough.

"No. Don't speak." He whispered on his lips, dark and intense. Gulf looked up at him, surprised wide eyes. He managed to shut him quite efficiently. Good job.

"You're not allowed to demand anything, got it?"

He was pushing his luck, he knew it. But as long as Gulf wasn't telling him to stop his bullshits, he'd take anything he wanted from him.

Gulf nodded and the lion in his chest roared loudly, fully satisfied. He was biting his lips hard to prevent himself from talking back. His whole body was trembling. How adorable. And all his. For as long as he would be allowed. Gulf reached for his chest with one of his hands, but Mew caught it midway and used that opportunity to pull Gulf up. Confused and surprised, the younger let himself be manhandled and stay pliant in Mew's arms. A quick and dirty kiss later, Mew turned the man around and pushed him back on the couch so he was kneeling on it, facing the wall. Fuck. He was gorgeous. Naked, miles and miles of golden skin, a perky ass. Everything about him was perfect. He plunged his fingers in Gulf once again. Just because he could. He took his time, enjoying the wetness and Gulf's desperate little moans. He unbuckled his own jeans as best as he could with only one hand, sighing in relief once his erection was freed from its confinement.

"Ready?" He asked once he felt Gulf starting to get too frustrated.

"Yes. Get in." Mew smirked and rubbed the head of his cock on his boy's entrance. Teasing.

"Ask nicely and I'll consider it."

"Fuck, P'Mew, please get in." Before the younger could complain more, Mew thrust inside him in one swift movement. "Oh, God. Fuck. Phi~"

Mew immediately regretted waiting so long before finally fucking his boy. He was a lot more worked up than he thought he would be. He wouldn't last long. Fuck him. He really had to do that to himself. Seriously. He grabbed both Gulf's hips in his hand, stilling his cute squirming, and fucked into him forcefully. It was almost overwhelming how Gulf could be so pliant under him, such a huge contrast with his daily bratty behavior and his big mouth. But Mew loved both versions of him. He couldn't get enough of his boy, be it when he was annoying and demanding, when he was cute and cuddly, or like now when he was soft and obedient.

As a soft plea escaped Gulf's lips, Mew noticed his own hips had slowed down. He was getting too close, too quickly. He tried to hold back as long as he could, wrapping a hand around Gulf's member to bring him faster to the edge. And while the younger's moans were getting louder and louder, Mew knew he wouldn't last long enough to make him cum first. Not when the boy was clenching around him so tightly, whimpering his name like a mantra. He felt his orgasm arrived, deep inside his guts, he didn't try to prevent it, it was too strong. When it hit him, the wave of pleasure was as strong as the jab his ego took. Making him weak in the knees, forcing him to hold tightly on Gulf's waste to not topple over.

"Fuck, I'm sorry, Yai Nong." He heard Gulf chuckled, he didn't sound annoyed by the abrupt halt of his hips.

"Sorry about what Phi?"

Trust his brat to make him spell his embarrassment out loud.

"I'm sorry Baby, for finishing before you." His contrite tone betraying him, he couldn't pretend it didn't matter to him. He was truly embarrassed and annoyed at himself.

Gulf pushed him away from him, carefully removing his softening dick, so he could sit on the couch properly and face him. His face was completely red, beads of sweat running down his neck, and a small teasing smile playing on his lips. It was fishy.

"It's ok P'Mew, I know you're old and you can't keep up with a young man like me."

He laughed and Mew could feel his annoyance shift its target. His age was a touchy subject, and Gulf knew it. Meaning, he was deliberately trying to get him riled up. And it was working. Of course, it was working. He could feel his lion growling, it wanted its power back. As Mew saw how Gulf was still hard and dripping, he let himself fall down on his knees in front of the couch. He forcefully grabbed both of Gulf's plush thighs and spread him wide, his ass dragged to the end of the seat. Satisfaction ran down his veins at the startle scream Gulf let out.

"What is Phi doing?" Gulf grabbed his head as he was getting closer and closer to his winking entrance. "That's dirty, Phi." He sounded panicked and uneasy. Maybe Mew was going too far?

"You don't want Phi to eat you out?" He asked. It was not uncommon for someone to feel anxious or uncomfortable the first time they let someone else get so close and personal with their ass. It was still surprising for Mew to see Gulf react this way though, he never shied away from anything before.

"It's not...It's just-" He choked on his words and his wide eyes were frantically looking at everything except Mew's face. But the older didn't answer him, giving him time to gather his thoughts and express himself. "It's just that... isn't it dirty for Phi? Aren't you disgusted?"

"It's only dirty if you want it to be." The younger actor didn't look convinced at all, scrunching his nose and frowning cutely.

"I like the idea of sliding my tongue inside your gaping hole. Do you have any complaints?"

Gulf only gasped and his whole body shook at the words. He instinctively parted his thighs more, giving Mew more access to his hole. Mew chuckled a "Good boy" before descending on him again. The first flicker of his tongue elicited a loud whimper from the younger, he was obviously torn between pleasure and embarrassment. The actor could taste himself on Gulf and an overwhelming feeling of possessivity took over his body. How could he be disgusted when he had been the one marking up his boy. He wouldn't take his chance trying to explain it to the younger. His freak tendencies were better kept hidden. So enthralled he was by his current activity he didn't notice Gulf shuffling around and was surprised when he felt two strong legs closing behind his head, effectively trapping him between Gulf's thighs. The younger was trembling so much. Mew could feel his blood pulsing in his veins, hot and fast. He kept on working his tongue in and out of the wet entrance until Gulf grabbed his hair, desperate and crying. Mew slid his tongue up to his member, before taking him in his mouth. The boy was close, so close it would only take him a second before coming. He bobbed his head a couple of times, taking him down his throat, deep. And his young lover exploded in his mouth. He saw him slung back down on the couch, body spasming uncontrollably. Damn. Mew was so lucky to have him.

As Mew swallowed his boy's cum, he kept his eyes locked in Gulf's ones. A light smirk cracking on his face. He could feel Gulf getting embarrassed and hot all over again. He opened his mouth. Slowly. And stuck his tongue out childishly, showing he was done. The effect was immediate and stronger than Mew thought it would. The younger quickly covered his face with both his hands, hiding behind them and letting out a strangled cry. Well. It was unexpected. And a nice turn of events.

Mew let the intensity crackling in the air die and got back up, his knees hurting. Fuck his age. His jeans were still hanging low on his hips and he closed them before retrieving his sweatshirt from the floor. The confused and bewildered look Gulf gave him hinted that he was probably thinking that Mew was getting dressed and preparing to go home. Mew laughed lightly and urged Gulf to lift his arms. The boy complied, doubtful but still pliant. Once his Nong was clad in his warm hoodie, Mew sat beside him on the couch and pulled him in his arms. Now that his darker side had been appeased, he was in the mood for cuddles. A hundred cuddles.

"Fuck, P'Mew." Gulf breathed out heavily. "I never knew you had it in you." He almost sounded proud and cocky.

"What do you mean?"

Mew was too exhausted to think, he contented himself to bury his face in his Nong's hair, breathing in his scent, faint traces of shampoo lingering on them. It weirdly felt like home. What a strange thought.

"You're always so careful with me like you're afraid of hurting me."

"Of course I don't want to hurt you, Nong." It was one thing to play rough but it was another thing to hurt someone. Mew was a gentle soul, he hadn't had it in him to hurt anyone.

"Honestly, Phi, you don't have to be so careful. I'm not made of glass, I won't break because you rough me up a bit." When Mew didn't answer, Gulf continued. "In fact, I'm not against it. I told you I liked you like that already." He did, that was true. But one part of him still had to accept that Gulf was different. That he was unlike any of his ex-lovers. He wasn't even his official lover. As always, that thought left a bittersweet taste in his mouth. But today was also different. After being away from him for a week, he finally understood.

"Alright, Yai Nong. I'll try to remember that." Gulf smiled cheekily at him, before getting up and dragging him not too gently toward his bedroom.

Mew finally understood.

He knew that he would do anything for that boy. He loved him. So fucking much. He'd give anything, do anything, take anything he could. He'd be a friend, a brother, a mentor, a sex-friend. He could be anything for him as long as Gulf wanted him. There was no coming back possible.

Chapter Text

5th August - 19h21 - Mew's Condo, Bangkok 

Mew was going to strangle someone. He just didn't know who yet. Mild? Would be easy. Run? Easier. Gulf? Too damn precious. And bratty. The boy would probably come back from the death's realm to haunt him and annoy him for the rest of his life. 

Ok. Deep breath. It wasn't that big of a deal. Mew could do it. He was a mature, reasoned man who had self-control. He could do it. Fingers crossed he could do it. 

The four of them were sitting around Mew's coffee table. Beer bottles, snack bowls, cards, and poker chips cluttering its surface. He already had to say goodbye to his brand-new and pricey carpet after Gulf knocked Mild's beer down on it. His boy had been too excited after winning for the first time of the night. In his enthusiasm, he wildly threw his hands up in a little dance of victory and managed to redecorate his carpet with alcohol. And really, Mew should have been angry. Or upset. Or a tiny bit bothered. Because it was a really nice carpet. But... yeah. Doe eyes and pouty lips. It was all it took for him to forget about the 11 000 Bath he had spent on that carpet. Whipped. And weak. 

"Pho, it's your turn. Are you calling or folding?" 

Mew locked his eyes on Mild. A warning. To murder or to not murder? The answer wasn't that easy for Mew. 

"If any of you call me that again, I'm strangling them." He wasn't kidding. His hands were itching to close around a pretty neck.

This little game had started with Gulf. Obviously. The little shit thought it would be a good idea to mess with him. He was probably trying to distract him enough so he wouldn't be able to focus on the game and Mew would stop winning. Nice try. It wasn't working. Sure, Mew was worked up but he was still winning. Poker was all about bluffing and statistics. He was excelling at both. And at cheating too... Alright, maybe he shouldn't have stolen some of Gulf's chips when his cute Nong had been cleaning the mess he made on his carpet but all means were good to win. And it was an honest payback, right? Never mind. Gulf could never win anyway. His boy couldn't contain his smile when he had a winning hand, you could practically see him glowing and his lips were tense like he was physically fighting his body's reactions. How cute. At times like that, Mew just wanted to squish him and hug him to death. 

"Come on P'Mew, it's not about your age." Where was he going with that? "It's because you give off fatherly vibes." Ok. He was going to kill him.

As he was getting up the floor, menacing Mild with his cards as a weapon, the man held his hands high in the air, voice going high and piercing. 

"Ok, ok, ok. I'll stop. Don't hurt me." He pleaded. While dying of laughter. Really convincing. Mew rolled his eyes at him before sitting back down on the floor. What a pain. He unconsciously wrapped his arm around Gulf's waist, pulling him closer to him, seeking comfort. He let his head drop on his Nong's shoulder, hiding his face in the crook on his neck. Sulking. The boy's scent was appeasing in a weird way, he could feel his muscles relax and his annoyance slipping out of his body almost instantly. 

"Why are you cuddling with your boyfriend when he was the one who started it?!" Run exclaimed loudly. Poor boy, was he offended? It was not Mew's fault if Gulf was just so adorable and pretty that he could get away with everything. 

Oh God, it was a blessing no one could hear Mew's thoughts. He was way too enamored. Following Run's comment, Mew simply pulled his boy even closer to him and bury himself deeper in his neck. His whole world narrowing to only his soft scent. 

He felt Gulf giggle lightly and -

"We're not boyfriends, P'Run." 

If Mew was being honest it stung a bit. The unintentional wake-up call made his heart sunk in his stomach. He was used to it. He wasn't surprised. But it still hurt every time Gulf denied their relationship.

"I know. You keep saying you're not, but look at you! All cuddled up and clingy like that. You can't blame me for thinking you are." 

And really, Run wasn't wrong. They were cuddling all the time, invading each other's personal place was easy. Even Gulf, who used to be more reserved and had been mostly letting Mew do whatever he wanted to him was now actively seeking physical closeness. It wasn't surprising that outsiders thought they were a couple. Only Gulf couldn't see it. That clueless, pretty, annoying boy. 

"Think whatever you want, we're not boyfriends and that's it. We're like... brothers." 

Brothers? 

Aow. 

Mew didn't know you could fuck your brother like that. 

"No. Me and Run are like brothers. And do you see me caressing his hair every two minutes?" Run looked alarmed and offended at that thought. "Do I hold his hand all the time?" This time, Run made a disgusted noise, like the mere thought of holding Mild's hand was unbearable. Mew knew it was all an act to reinforce Mild's words though. Because Run could hold anyone's hands. He was easy. Mew almost felt guilty for bad-mouthing Run in his head but no one had to know what was going on in his mind, right?

"It's not the same, P'Mild." Gulf answered, strangely looking smug. What was going on in his beautiful head? Mew couldn't decipher his mind for once. And honestly, he was sulking too much to try really hard anyway. The boy looked too satisfied with himself for Mew's liking. Was denying their relationship so easy and obvious that Gulf had to feel proud about it? Mew felt like pouting and sulking, maybe throwing a tantrum even. Would it make him feel better? 

"Whatever." Mild sighed heavily before shaking Run's arm. "Reveal the river, please." 

Everyone refocused on the game. A King of Spades. Mew eyed the other King on the table, and the one in his hand, alongside an Ace. Hmm. The chances someone else also had a King in their hand were low. The 3 other cards on the playmat were below 10. He had his chance. 

"Check." Gulf eyed the newly revealed card dejectedly, no doubt Gulf was hoping for something else. It was charming how Gulf couldn't conceal any emotions when his competitiveness was involved. 

"I'm raising of 20." And Mew added a 20 chip to his bet. His face blank, acting as if he was unsure of what he was doing. He knew Run would fall for it. The man looked pretty satisfied all along the round, so either he had a given pair or he had something with the 3 first cards dealt on the playmat. Whatever it was, it should be weaker than his own three of a kind. 

"Fall." Announced Mild. Good. 

"Call and raise. 40." Run looked at Mew, staring him down. Did he think he was intimidating? With his bi-color hair and his Barbie sweatshirt? 

"Call." He wanted to see Run's cards so he didn't raise the bet even if he could. "Alright, showdown then." He said with a sweet smile, teasing Run. 

The K-pop lover revealed his card, a Six of Diamonds and a Six of Hearts. With the one on the table, he also had a three of a kind. Mew took his time to reveal his King, enjoying seeing Run's smug smile. He would soon lose it. 

"And... you lost," Mew said while showing them his cards. "I don't know why you're even trying, I'm unbeatable." 

The room filled with laughter and Gulf slapped his arm playfully while grinning at him. What? He didn't like losing so now he was showing off. Blame him. 

As everyone was busy gathering their cards and chips for the next round Gulf leaned toward him, whispering in his ears like he was afraid anyone would hear him. 

"Phi, I'm cold, I don't know where I put my hoodie." 

Mew didn't have to think much. No amount of lost hoodies would be a good enough reason for his Nong to be cold. He immediately removed his own sweatshirt. He was hot anyway. Not really but he wasn't cold. 

"Up." He nudged Gulf's arms and the boy obediently raised his long limbs, allowing Mew to put the clothing on him. He could hear Mild and Run making gagging noises in the background but he blocked them out and focused on Gulf's satisfied, little smile. This brat, huh. He was always so smug and content when Mew was doing things for him. He should be used to it by now. He saw Gulf taking a sniff at his collar, and Mew hoped he had put on perfume this morning. Not that Gulf wasn't familiar with his natural scent anyway. Mew dismissed that thought quickly, clearly, even if his sweater was smelling like sweat, Gulf already knew the taste of it so it wouldn't be that problematic. His internal rambling was cut short as he observed how the younger's face morphed into a content smile, features relaxed and peaceful. Mew felt his heart skip a beat? Knowing he was responsible for his Nong's contentment made him feel warm all over like a soft glowing light was flowing through his body. 

"Run, you're the dealer." 

As Run started dealing the cards, Mew sneakily stole Gulf's hand and started playing with his fingers on his lap, partially hidden by the coffee table. Those pretty fingers. He wanted to lick them ... No. He did not. Absolutely not. Not the time. He shook his head, trying to get rid of the inappropriate thought. He was used to spending long periods of time without touching Gulf in a less-than-friendly way so it shouldn't be that hard to behave himself for the 3 hours Mild and Run had planned to spend at his flat. But here he was, fantasizing about his cute Nong's fingers and how crazy Gulf would be if he could lightly suck on them. 

Gulf glanced at him, raising his right eyebrow, wondering why Mew was suddenly breathing unevenly. The man took a look at their friends across the table and when he made sure both were engrossed in their cards, he locked his eyes back on Gulf's face. He licked his lips. Slowly. Before biting his lower lip in what he hoped was a sensual invitation. He probably made his point crystal clear as Gulf visibly trembled in front of him, eyes fixated on his mouth. Shit. Mew knew he shouldn't have teased him. He could lose at his own game so easily. Because Gulf could be bold. Bolder than him when he wanted to. He had to stop it before it got out of hand. 

His emergency exit came with Run enquiring how much were the blinds for this round. 

"One sixty." Mew jumped on the question, putting an end to his little teasing game with Gulf. His heart and mind still in a frenzy, indecent thoughts mixing with his eternal lovestruck state of mind. Damn, he really had to calm down quickly or it would not go well. 

He felt Gulf tug on his hands, trying to free himself to retrieve his cards. He let go reluctantly and grabbed his own card. Huh, what a shitty hand. He put his cards down on the table and tug at Gulf's arm, trying to get him back next to him. The younger huffed and grumbled about how annoying he was but let himself be pulled and relaxed once he felt their side touch. Mew encircled his arm around his back, rubbing the younger's waist. As Gulf leaned even more against him, Mew took the opportunity to look at his boy's cards. Yes. He was cheating. He was a bad person. But he hated to lose. And that seemed to be a good enough reason to cheat. No one was perfect. Especially not Mew. He knew that. 

He glanced at their friends and his gaze collided with Mild's eyes. His expression clearly disapproving. He knew what to do. He shook his head and made a discreet peace sign. It was their code for a pocket pair. Mild looked conflicted before sharply nodding his head. Good. He had been successfully bribed.

"P'Mew, how much are the red chips? I can't remember." He frowned and huffed. Gulf had had never played poker before and he was still struggling with some aspects of it. Remembering the chips' value being the main issue. 

"20." He answered quietly while gathering a white, a blue, and a green chip before giving them to Gulf. "Here." He thought about the fact that he already saw the card of his Nong and "But you might want to raise there, you have a pair in your hand." Gulf looked at him, doubtful. "Of queens, Gulf. Two queens. It's worth trying." Gulf was still staring at him, pouting. "Believe Phi?" Mew finally pleaded, pouting himself. It was already costing Mew a lot to tell him what to do so Gulf better listen to him. Mew wasn't willing to lose for anyone's sake. Anyone except this cute person next to him. Huh, he hated himself for being this easily endeared. 

Gulf nodded at him and randomly chose some chips to add to his pot. At least, Mew assumed it was random as he watched the younger take a black chip. 

"You might not want to bet this one, Nong." He whispered into his ear. "It's 500." And Mew laughed as Gulf hurriedly put the chip back aside and pick a second blue one. 

"What are you whispering about?" Mild's loud voice shattered the glass bubble they both were wrapped in. Mild would forever be a pain in his ass. The man couldn't let them breathe in each other's space without calling them out the moment he would notice. "Is it boyfriends things you can't share with the rest of us?" 

Mew rolled his eyes goodheartedly. If someone could be happier than himself if they ever dated properly it would be Mild. Without a doubt, Mild was the most supporting and understanding friend under the several layers of goofiness, annoying prying, and endless jokes. But before Mew could gently let him know that no, for the hundred times, they were not boyfriends, Gulf opened his mouth and spoke before he had the chance to. 

"We're Phi-Nong, friends, brothers, take your pick. But we're not boyfriends." Irritation filling his voice, Gulf was clearly annoyed by the relentless pressure Mild and Run were putting them under. Mew could understand the younger's frustration. To some extent. But the more virulent Gulf's answers were, the more hurt Mew was. Each time they had to deny it, Mew could feel a tiny shred of his heart being ripped off of him. He wished Run and Mild, and just anyone, would stop asking them that damn question over and over again. Not for their peace of mind but because having to deny something Mew was craving for was unbearable. It felt wrong. It felt foreign and at the same, usual. He was used to it, but he wasn't used to the pain. 

He knew he would start scowling anytime soon. Mew was sulking, Hard. And he needed to take a breather away from Mild and Run prying eyes. Away from Gulf. 

Mew let Gulf go and stood up. "I'm going to fetch some more bears in the kitchen." He said, as neutral as possible, trying hard to conceal any sign of frustration, of passive anger. 

No-one stopped him. Not even Gulf. Why would he anyway? He reached his kitchen and opened the fridge. Damn. It was empty, what would he make for Gulf's breakfast tomorrow? Mew shook his head, surprised at his own thought. They hadn't even planned for him to stay tonight. Not that Gulf would mind, he was sure. He grabbed the beers, ignoring the emptiness of the shelves. If his boy wanted to stay, they could always order something tomorrow. 

As he turned around, ready to go back to his living room, he met a cute pair of dark orbs and a fluffy mess of hair, standing a foot away from him. 

"What are you doing here?" It wasn't that Mew didn't want him here, but really, he could use a minute or two alone. 

"I came to help Phi."

Mew observed the younger as he was fumbling with his fingers, unsure of what he was even doing here. His whole body language was screaming for Mew to ignore his frustration and hug him tight. 

He would. Later. But for now, he needed some space. 

"I don't need help, go back with the others, I'll be there in a minute." He tried to keep his voice low, gentle. He didn't want his Nong to realize how much it had affected him nor push his negative feelings on the younger. If Mew hated one thing more than not being Gulf's boyfriend it was the idea of losing him because of his feelings. What if Gulf walked away from him if he learned that his Phi was in love with him? Then what? What would happen to Mew? How could he be able to get back up and mend his broken heart? He didn't know the answer to that question. And that was the scariest thing. 

"Are you mad at me?" Yes. And no. He wasn't mad at Gulf. He was angry at himself, at the situation as a whole but not at Gulf. 

"No." 

"You are. I told Phi already to tell me when I do something Phi doesn't like." Gulf leveled his eyes with his and stared at him. Defying him. But Mew could see beyond the bravado, beyond the tough act. Gulf hated it when they fought. He didn't know how to apologize, how to make up with someone. He didn't want them to fight because then he would have had to try and make peace after the fight. And he wasn't capable to do that. Preferring to defuse the bomb before it goes off. 

"I'm..." He didn't want to say it. "I'm just being irrational." He really was. 

"Spill it. What did I do?" 

Huh. What a stubborn boy. With an attitude on top of it. No wonder he loved to make him submit so much. 

...Seriously? 

Mew was almost annoyed with himself for thinking about sex when he was sad a minute ago. He still had to answer the younger man who was clearly starting to get impatient. 

"You said we were like brothers." 

There. He said it. Happy? Gulf didn't look happy, just clueless. 

"And?"

"And I don't like it." Mew huffed. It should have been evident right? Gulf looked at him curiously, like he couldn't really see what was Mew's problem. 

"What did you wanted me to say?" Gulf suddenly took a step closer to Mew, invading his personal place without a care in the world. Like it was natural. Well... it was for them. "That you fuck my brain out more often than they touch their own dick?" 

"Yai Nong!" 

"What did you wanted me to say then?" That he was his boyfriend. But he wasn't anyway. 

"I don't know." Mew pouted and grabbed Gulf's waist, drawing the young man closer to him. The warmth emanating from his body slowly transferring to his own. It felt familiar and reassuring. "I just... I just don't like it. I'm not solely your senior... and I'm certainly not your brother." 

Gulf put both his hands on Mews's chest, digging his fingers in the strong muscles. With how much Gulf loved his muscles Mew knew he was going to work extra hard at the gym. 

"I know. Phi is special." 

Oh? That was... interesting. Special? Mew could work with that. 

"I'm special?"  

"Yes." Gulf closed the space separating their face, stopping an inch away before their lips touched. "Phi is a very special kind of friend." Mew shivered as their lips brushed against each other with each word leaving Gulf's mouth. His control was slipping through his hands. "Kiss me." 

"What?"

"Kiss me. Now. Show me how special you are."

Mew knew he shouldn't. Not with their friends waiting in the next room. But he was craving for it. It was stronger than common sense and rationality. He turned Gulf around gently, pushing him against the counter, trapping him between it and his body. He observed his boy's beautiful face, his plump lips, his pretty nose, the soft blush on his skin. He was perfect. Mew would give anything for him to be his. Fully. He lifted his hand, brushed his fingers on the red and smooth skin on his cheek, before posing his lips on Gulf. Gently. Lovingly. To show him how special he was. How special was his love. He pressed another kiss. Then a third. All were filled with love. Like little messengers of his affection. 

Gulf whined lowly, his hands grabbing at his arms, crumbling his shirt in the process. He was impatient. As always. He wanted to be kissed harder, deeper. And Mew would always give him what he needed. So he connected their lips again, coaxing the younger's mouth open with his tongue, and found its playmate. He kissed hard. Rough. Demanding. Like they were alone in his flat. Like Mew could just undress him and take him over his counter in the next minute. 

He abused Gulf's lips relentlessly. His Nong was whimpering and shivering. They would bruise. Damn. He had to divert his attention before they became too swollen. Next stop, Gulf's slender neck. He harshly pulled down the boy's hoodie, Mew's hoodie, exposing his collarbone. So much pretty golden skin. He latched on it, mouth opened and teeth out. He was trying to devour him whole. He sucked on the skin like a possessed man before licking it softly as if to apologize for the rough treatment. And Gulf was moaning. His lip caught between his teeth to try and fail to keep his moans in. 

"Shh, they'll hear you. They're not allowed to." He bit harshly on the skin. "No one can hear the noise you make but Phi." And he growled, deep in his chest. Possessiveness roaring when nothing even happened to trigger it. He might simply be crazy. Fucking crazy. He felt a hand in his hair, pulling hard and he let go of the skin. 

"Kiss." 

And Gulf dived on his lips before he could even take his breath. His hands grabbed his Nong's ass and lifted him on the counter then forced his way between his thighs. Hell. They were so hard already. Mew pulled him closer to his chest, the need to be always closer almost overwhelming. One hand firmly grasping at the boy's throat like he was afraid he would run away. 

As Gulf had started to lift Mew's shirt up, fingernails scraping at the skin of his stomach, a voice made them freeze.

"Guys!! Are you brewing those damn beers yourselves?"

Damnit. They had completely forgotten about them. They had been trapped in their own world, where no one else existed besides the both of them. 

Mew observed the damages he had done on Gulf. His lips were swollen but it would be ok if their friends didn't look too closely. He quickly patted down some rioting hair and adjusted his clothes. Ok. Good. 

"We're coming, just talking about tomorrow's schedule." Mew finally answered after a few too many seconds for it to not be suspicious. 

"I'll make you pay for that. I hope you know that."

"It better be a promise, Phi." 

After one last kiss, they made their way back to the living room, both trying to calm down their heart... and their hard-on. Hell, Mew really should work on his self-control, they'd get in trouble one day. Mew managed to conjure enough jumping geckos images to properly kill his hard-on and he entered the living room mostly soft. A quick look at Gulf told him that Gulf hadn't been as imaginative as he had been and the light swell in his pants was still visible if someone paid attention to this specific area. For everyone's sake, no one better look anyway, or Mew wouldn't be nice to them. His hands were strong... They could do harm. 

As they sat down at their place around the coffee table, Mew hoped they were not being too obvious. Or at least not obvious enough that Run or Mild would notice their disheveled state. 

"What were you doing in that kitchen?" 

Mew was actually surprised it was Run who asked first. If he had to bet he would have chosen first-class noisy Mild. 

"You don't want to know, believe me." Mild answered while eyeing them suspiciously. His little eyes squinting and scanning quickly over their body and face. Shit. Gulf still had a strand of hair sticking up on the top of his head, his lips were slightly red and swollen from excessive biting. Mew couldn't see his own face but he probably wasn't any better. 

"Gulf?" Mew could see Gulf whipping his head up, his eyes widening like a deer caught in headlights, his cheeks reddening instantly. Oh no, his boy was so shy. Mew sneaked a hand around his waist, trying to be discreet about it. It would always baffle Mew how Gulf could be so shameless with him and so shy and introverted with others. Huh, that brat really thought he could get away with absolutely everything with Mew. 

"Yes?" 

"You should put some mosquito repeller on your neck. Looks like Mew's kitchen is infested." Mild gestured at Gulf's neck. 

Mew glanced at the younger to try and see what he was talking about but he couldn't see anything from his position. It would be too suspicious for him to actually move and take a good look so he decided to act oblivious and pretend he didn't know what they were talking about. Since he really didn't know what they were talking about anyway. Well... He wasn't stupid, there was probably a small reddish mark on Gulf's neck but nothing too intense enough for them to be sure it was a hickey. 

Noticing Gulf's increasing embarrassment, he pulled the younger closer to him and engulfed him in his embrace. Probably unconsciously trying to shield him from their friends' examination. As he proceeded to pet his hair to tame some wild strands, Run's voice made him stop mid-way. 

"Oie! They're back at being gross." 

The loud complaint made Gulf squirmed his way out of his arms. Damnit, Mew hated Run right now. If Gulf didn't want cuddles anymore because he was too embarrassed he would hold their friends responsible for it and he'd make them pay. With intense, scary stares and guilt-tripping monologues. 

"Seriously, why aren't you two dating yet?" 

Both Mew and Gulf groans at the question. Somehow, Mew suspected that one of them wouldn't survive the rest of the night. 

"Shut up and play, P'Run." 

Gulf's little outburst forced a laugh out of Mew and soon his contagious giggles had affected the small group. At least, it lifted the awkward atmosphere in the room. They could go back to being their goofy-self and forget about dating and boyfriends and broken hearts. 

"Actually, I received a text from Fai, you see who she is? My friend from uni? The blond one, with the cute smile?" Mew nodded. Because no, he wasn't seeing who she was but no, he didn't want to hear about her whole biography by Run. "Good, well she needs my help to film a dance video so I'm leaving you guys." 

"What about the game?" 

"Sorry P'Mew but the K-pop calling is stronger than our friendship." 

"I'll walk you out, let me grab my shoes." 

"No need I know my way out," Run said while retrieving his belongings scattered around the flat. He waved them goodbye and the three remaining men heard the door shut behind him. Mew, who was focusing his attention on Run until he had fully closed the door, turned his head back to Mild and Gulf.

Oh no. 

Mew could see it coming, big as the Titanic. 

"So? The truth now?" Mild immediately asked once Mew was looking at him. 

"What? We told you already, we're not together." 

Mew's voice was filled with underlying bitterness. He knew it. And Mild clearly heard it. Only Gulf was oblivious. As always. 

"P'Mew, N'Gulf." He looked them both in the eye, clearly trying to make a point. "You may think I'm stupid but..." 

He bent toward Gulf, over the coffee table, his hand catching the hem of the young man's collar before pulling it down. Mew had to restrain himself not to slap his hand away. No one had the right to touch what was his. The growl he was holding back quickly died in his throat as he spotted the big, red hickey Gulf's collarbone was sporting. Damn. Had he done that? 

"This," Gulf winced as Mild painfully dabbed his finger in the bruise "wasn't here before you both went to the kitchen." 

Mew looked down at his lap. His mind frantically trying to find a good enough excuse but none of the hundred scenarios his overactive imagination was producing had a satisfactory conclusion and all were ending with Mild scolding him for messing around with a boy 7 years his junior. Panic started to constrict his airflow, his chest was tightening and an overwhelming feeling of shame crept down on him. He knew rationally that he had nothing to be ashamed of. But the fear. God the fear of being judged, of being seen as someone he wasn't. It was there. It was imprinting deep inside of his being, it was branded on his soul. Even knowing Mild was his friend, a real friend, wasn't helping. He lost friends before, for less than that. 

"Can one of you just talk?" Mew lifted his head, noticing that Gulf was also looking down at his lap, probably at a loss of what to say. "I'm not scolding you!" Mild raised his voice. "Why are you acting like you both made the worst criminal act ever?" His eyes squinted and soon disappeared in two thin lines. "Or did you? What did you do?" He looked frantically around the flat, searching for something with his eyes. "Did you kill someone? Do you need to dispose of a body?" 

Mew wanted to laugh. And cry. And scream. All at the same time. What the hell was wrong with Mild?! 

"P'Mild, are you serious?" Gulf's annoyed tone reached Mews's ears and he tore his eyes away from the circus that was Mild to look at his Nong. 

Hell, he was flushed red, his face showing signs of annoyance. But Mew knew better. Annoyance and brattiness were Gulf's favorite defense mechanism. His Nong was embarrassed. How cute. 

"Stop being so serious N'Gulf, I'm just joking." Mild smiled gently, voice soft, he was starting to understand how to handle a grumpy Gulf. Not as good as Mew himself but he was getting decent. "So..." The man looked at the couple of co-stars expectantly. "Ready to tell me what's really going on?" 

Gulf only shrugged and glanced at Mew. Clearly saying it was up to him to answer. Thanks. Because, of course, Mew knew what to say. Huh. What a pain. 

As Mew opened his mouth to deny everything, Mild cut him. 

"And don't feed me that 'we're friends' bullshit." He was all disapproving eyes and shaking head. "Remember? Hickey?" 

Right. 

Hickey. 

That he made himself. 10 minutes ago. 

Alright. 

"I..." Mew couldn't bring himself to say it. Firstly, it was something he wasn't proud of. Being sex-friends. And secondly, he was the one who told Gulf to keep it in the down low. So he wasn't going to- 

"We're fucking." 

Silence. 

Come again? 

"I mean... Phi and I are sex-friends." 

Silence. 

"Phi? Say something." What could he say? He was stunned. "P'Mew?" He could feel Gulf shake his arm but it felt distant. "Are you ok, Phi?" Was that concern? "PHI!" The shout startled him enough to pull him out of his head. 

"Yes. Ok. Great. Perfect." He wasn't. Of course, he wasn't. How could he? But he could pretend to be ok. He was good at pretending anyway. 

"P'Mew? It's true? You guys are... sex-friends?" 

"Hmm."

"Maybe you took your roles a bit too seriously." Mild laughed lightly, trying to lighten up the mood. "Seriously though, are you really together?" Disbelief was coloring his face. As if he knew it was true but he could also see that something was fishy, something didn't feel right. 

"We're not together like that P'Mild. We just fuck. Often. Really often." Mew could feel the blush creeping down his cheeks. He could feel Mild trying to catch his gaze. He didn't want to look at him. They've been friends for years now, and Mild would see right through him. The love, the hurt, the pain. He would see everything Gulf wasn't able to see. 

"That's... unexpected." 

"If you have anything to say just say it. But if you say one bad word about P'Mew, I'll kick your ass so much you won't recognize it's yours anymore." Was he...? Mew felt a rush of affection and love run through his veins. Gulf was standing up for him, just like he promised. How was he expected not to fall deeper for him? He was so fucking precious. 

"I wasn't going to. Where is this coming from, Nong?" 

"I don't know. Just..." Gulf seemed to be searching for the right words. "Don't blame P'Mew, don't accuse him of forcing me or anything." Mew quietly watched Mild's eyes widened, not believing the words coming out of Gulf's mouth. Their encounter with Mame had leave traces on Gulf. Mew hated it. It wasn't supposed to be like that. 

"I would never! Who are you taking me for?" 

"I'm just making sure we're on the same wavelength. That's it." 

"What are you even talking about..." Mild muttered lowly. "Ok, let's just go back to the beginning. You guys are fuck-buddies." Both nodded their head. "Since when?" 

"Almost 3 months." 

Mew wouldn't lie. He was clearly counting the days they were spending together. Not knowing when it would end was making it more important. As if each little milestone that Mew set up in his mind could bring him a small step closer to an actual relationship with his Nong. 

"That long?" Mild's voice was still full of skepticism. Like he couldn't grasp the situation. "But why are you sex-buddies and not a regular couple?" 

The one million dollars question. Because Gulf wasn't in love. And he just wanted Mew for his dick. 

He didn't say it though, because he knew deep down it wasn't entirely true. Even if Gulf only wanted a sexual relationship with him and not be a couple, they were friends. Really close friends, the younger had said they were special even. And for Mew, this was progress. 

"But we aren't in love, P'Mild. Why would we be a couple?" Gulf answered matter of factly. Like it was the most natural and easy answer for him. It probably was. He probably couldn't even understand why Mild would think they should be a couple. 

"Ok." Mild looked at him. A simple glance and he knew. "I'm not going to say I understand but alright, not my business anyway, as long as you guys are happy." He tried to smile at Mew, tried to comfort him. But even Mild knew he was on his own in this mess. He willingly agreed to the sex-friends setup. No one was to blame except himself. 

Gulf turned his head and looked at him, bright smile and happy eyes. He looked relieved. He took Mew's hand in his and pulled the older man against his side, whining softly about wanting a hug. Mew complied easily, wrapping the younger in a warm hug, Mild's teasing comments not reaching his ears. He let himself breathe deeply his Nong's scent, his arms tightening around him. 

No one was to blame and he wanted to blame no one. He couldn't give up on his desire to build something serious with Gulf. Maybe he would get hurt. Maybe he would keep getting hurt, over and over again. But he also knew it was worth it. He'd take everything he could, give Gulf everything he could and that would be enough. Because he was special. And that must have meant something. 

 


 

7th August - 23h42 - Gulf's condo, Bangkok

Gulf was staring at his phone. Intensely. Like his gaze could magically provoke a phone call. Like if he stared at it hard enough the phone would give in and start ringing, submitting in the face of Gulf's power. Gulf had to admit it. Even if he really, really didn't want to. He had missed the older man. It was weird. A twisting oneself in knots kind of weird. Gulf has been thinking lately. Like... a lot. Way too much for someone as simple as him. Not that he was stupid, he just wasn't seeing the point of thinking about things too much when he could just let them happen. But Mild's words wouldn't let him rest. Why weren't they a real couple? Could they even be a couple? Gulf wasn't in love. Sure, he liked Mew, there was no denying it. But love? The word sounded scary and foreign. He loved his parents. And his sister to some extend. He couldn't forget his grandma, he loved her too, but it wasn't the same. What he had with his Phi was different. It was special. It wasn't... love, right? It was addicting and safe at the same time. It was strong and shallow. Disturbing and right. It was everything and its opposite. He couldn't describe it, he couldn't put the right word on it. So he settled on special. They were special to each other. Special. 

The phone finally rang. A shirtless Mew taking over his phone screen. Gulf sighed at the picture. He really should change it before anyone noticed it. 

Once he accepted the video call, another shirtless Mew filled his screen, this one was moving and was actually a lot hotter than his contact's picture. 

"Hi." 

"Hi, Yai Nong." The sweet smile blooming on his Phi's face instantly made his body relax, he felt himself sinking further in his mattress, each of his muscles dissolving in a mass of soft cotton. He hadn't felt this good all day. "How was your day?" A loud yawn. "I'm shattered." 

Gulf watched as Mew made his way to his bed and dropped on it like he was some sort of baby stranded whale. Gulf was torn between cooing at him for being this cute and rolling his eyes at him for always being so dramatic. He did none. He wasn't a cooing machine and Gulf didn't want to test his Phi's patience if he rolled his eyes at him when he was this tired. 

"It was ok. It was weird without Phi on set." Gulf tried to hold back the pout threatening to appear on his face but a glance at the top corner of his screen made him realized how ridiculous he looked when he tried to resist. "I don't like it. P'Mild was so annoying." 

With all the whining he wanted to do right now, it didn't really matter if he was pouting or not. Huh, he wanted cuddles. And kisses. And head pats. Sigh. He was missing Mew.  

"When is Mild not annoying?" 

Both of them laughed. Because, really, Mew was right. Mild was always annoying. He was lucky Gulf valued him so much already or he'd punch him twice a day. Shitty friends. 

"He teased me all day again. Asking where was my boyfriend, why my boyfriend wasn't on set, and so on." 

It was tiring to always have to deny they were boyfriends. But Gulf couldn't go around and tell people they were sex-friends or that their relationship was special. And since Mild had learned about their agreement, he was teasing him even more. Other people wouldn't understand anyway. And he didn't want to get into trouble if he ended up punching someone for talking badly about Mew. He was still mad at Mame. 

"Poor Nong." Mew chuckled and smiled teasingly at him. Mew threw his arm that was not holding his phone over his head, casually gripping his headboard. And fuck if Gulf wasn't almost drooling at the well-defined, tensed up muscles of his arm and shoulder. But he shouldn't get too worked up over something so trivial, and he needed to be a good Nong. A Nong who cared about his Phi's day. 

"And how was Phi's day? Did you work on your thesis?" And Gulf cut his Phi as the older was going to answer. "I'm still sulking at you though, you told me you would come on set even if you didn't have scenes." 

"I know, Phi is sorry." His contrite expression could have almost fooled the younger if the man's eyes weren't betraying him. "I had to go meet my supervisor at Uni so I really couldn't come." As Gulf was still pretending to be sulking, Mew added "Forgive Phi? Please?" And how was he supposed to resist such puppy eyes? Huh? He wasn't. He would have to give in and forgive him. Obviously. Handsome bastard. 

"Hmm, alright. How did it go? Did you tell him about that article you read the other day?" 

Gulf was surprising himself. He could barely remember his own schedules but here he was, recalling something Mew told him a week ago, in between two conversations. Weird. What kind of voodoo shit did Mew do on him? 

"It went ok," Surprise and delight filling his voice. No doubt he didn't think Gulf would remember. That made two of them then. "I still need to work on my results and yes, I talked to him about it. He looked pretty satisfied that I was thinking ahead and planning things further." The young man had to laugh at his Phi's smug look. Mew was hardworking, there was no denying it but it was always cute to see him satisfied with himself like that. 

Cute. 

Again?

Gulf really should stop associating Mew and cute in his mind.  He was starting to sound a bit enamored. He couldn't let that happen. Maybe his brain was mixing missing dick and cuddles and finding people cute? Could it be that? 

"P'Mew~" He whined. "Why did you have to go home?" If he hadn't gone to his parents' home, he could have been here with Gulf and Gulf wouldn't have all those weird-ass thoughts about cuteness. He could have fuck it out of his system and not have to deal with them like a grown man. Yes, he was sulking and no, it wasn't exaggerated. He had missed the man, and he really, really wanted to let go of his bothering thoughts with a good fuck. 

"I told you already Yai Nong, I need to see my mom and Chopper." Of course, that devilish fluff ball would be more important than him. No wonder the little demon couldn't be brought onset, Mew was more protective of him than he was of Gulf. "Why? Is my baby missing his Phi?" 

"Not Phi, just his cock." Fuck, why did he say that? As he watched Mew's face crumbled down and sadness taking over his features, he knew he had to make it better. Hell, he was doing so well at being a good friend, a good Nong, heck, a decent person. Why did he have to go and fuck it up like that? Especially when he didn't mean it at all. He really needed to work on his anti-shyness shield more. "Phi, I didn't mean it. It was a joke." 

"Don't worry, I know you want my body more than me." 

He tried to laugh and it sounded so fake it physically hurt Gulf's ears. He would have to try harder than that. 

"Seriously, P'Mew. I was joking." He tried to make his tone as serious as possible, as genuine as he could. He hated that defeated expression on his Phi's face. "I missed you. All of you." 

"Yeah?" 

"Yes." Come on, Gulf had to give him more than that. He had to put a smile back on his face as he was the reason the previous one disappeared. "I missed rehearsing with you, Phi is more patient and helpful than other actors." Good boy. "I miss your cuddles too," And hell, if that wasn't the most embarrassing truth. "and your clothes. Imagine! I was so cold and when I went to P'Mild and complained he told me to go and fetch my hoodie! Aow!" Gulf had been so offended at that moment. "Phi would have given me his own hoodie, right?" Mew nodded, his smile growing. "I didn't eat this morning either." Gulf knew Mew was going to scold him so before he could talk Gulf went on. "It's Phi's fault! You always bring me snacks in the morning so I never remember to eat before coming on set." Gulf saw Mew grumbled something, probably realizing that he has been spoiling him too much. Gulf hoped it wouldn't change though. "But I missed Phi's cuddles the most. It was weird without them."

"If I ever hear you complain about them again I'll make sure you remember what you just told me, Yai Nong." 

"Hmm. Ok, Phi." He could give him that. Mew could consider it as an apology gift for being a giant dick.  

"Will you go to sleep soon? 

"I think so, Phi. I'm pretty shattered too after filming all day." And his arm holding the phone was hurting like a bitch. "I don't even think I have the strength to play a game of ROV tonight." Mew made an approving noise, clearly satisfied that Gulf would rest early. "I might just jerk off and sleep."  Gulf watched as Mew choked on his saliva and coughed multiple times before looking back at him. He could feel the satisfaction filling every pore of his body. It was so much fun. He'd never get bored of it. 

"Your dirty mouth will kill me one day, Gulf." Mew disapprovingly shook his head and laid back down in his bed. His head was barely in the frame anymore and Gulf had a good view on his wide and strong chest. His pecs, salient and firm. How Gulf wished he could just reach out and touch him. He suddenly felt alone in his bed, cold and lonely. He wanted Mew with him. 

Fuck. He was starting to sulk again. He knew he couldn't throw a tantrum at Mew and demand of the older to come right now. But he wanted to. He wanted it so badly. He was almost certain that if he whined enough Mew would come. 

"Yai Nong?" 

It wasn't fair. Gulf was too used to have his way with the older man. Too used to his Phi saying yes to each of his demands, too used to be indulged. 

"Nong?" 

He was trying to be more independent. Well... no he wasn't but he was pretending he was. Because his mom already scolded him for depending on Mew so much. She was afraid Gulf would be a bother to him she said. As if. It was funny. Mew was completely taken by him. He found him so cute he couldn't resist him. And Gulf felt pretty proud about it. 

"Cock." 

And it was going both ways. Gulf couldn't resist the older. He often found himself agreeing to things he would never agree to if it wasn't for Mew. Hell, he was even listening to K-pop songs just because Mew wanted him to. If that wasn't proof of how much endeared he was with his Phi.

"Blowjob." 

And Mew could give the best blowjobs. He didn't even know how he could swallow down his cock like that. So far down his throat that he could feel the muscles of his throat constricted around him and-

... 

Wait. 

Blowjob? 

Why was he thinking about blowjobs suddenly? 

"I want to eat your ass." 

Huh? 

"Phi!?" 

What the hell was going on? Did Mew lose his mind? 

"Finally! I've been calling you for 2mn now and you were lost in your little head." Mew laughed and his eyes disappeared from his face. Two little croissants replacing them. He was the most beautiful when he was laughing. Wait. They had a more important matter than how pretty his Phi was.  

"What did you say? About eating me out?" 

"Of course, you would have heard that." Gulf could see Mew rolled his eyes on his screen, the image shaking as Mew wasn't done laughing yet. "I was just trying to get your attention, don't start thinking about unholy things." Too late for that. Oops. His mind had already wandered to forbidden territory and his cock was already filling with blood. 

"Phi is so mean. I'm hard because of you already." Gulf pouted exaggeratedly at his phone, knowing Mew would end up cooing at him and if he was lucky the older would indulge him and make him come on the phone. That was worth trying, right? 

"Already?" 

Gulf only hmmed at him in answer and kept pouting. He passed his phone to his other hand, freeing the one he was the most comfortable with, and tugged at the band of his shorts. His cock wasn't fully hard but he knew that Mew talking to him would make him fully erected. No doubt. He was such a sucker for his deep voice. 

"Yai Nong, I know what you are doing. Stop that." He could hear Mew complained but the way Mew bit his lips was telling him another story. "Baby, come on, behave yourself." Mew's voice was getting whinier and Gulf laughed at his Phi's cuteness. How could he be that cute when Gulf was already too horny to even think of not jerking off in the next 5 min? All he needed was for Mew to talk to him, walk him through it. With his indecent words and deep, commanding voice. 

"Talk to me, Phi." He stroked his cock in slow, shallow movements, teasing himself like Mew would do if they were not in a hurry. And he was definitely not in a hurry right now. 

"But... I'm already talking to you?" 

"No, I mean... talk to me." Come on, Gulf could say it. He wasn't ashamed. He wasn't shy. He could be honest and ask Mew what he wanted. "Tell me what to do." He held his breath, waiting for Mew's answer. His nerves were starting to fail him, anxiety threatening to take over his being. 

And... 

Nothing. Just Mew's breathing on the other end of the phone, his face blank, unmoving, as if the screen had frozen. 

Hell. Did he fuck up? Was Mew not into this kind of thing? It was weird, Gulf was sure he- 

"You want me to tell you what to do when you couldn't even listen to Phi when I told you to stop touching yourself?" 

Mew's voice had dropped an octave, his deep, rumbling tone echoing inside Gulf's chest, lightning every single nerve ending in his body. He wasn't used to listening, he was a rule bender, a brat. But fuck, he would listen to this voice in a heartbeat. 

"I'll listen now." He breathed out. He would. He swore he would. Promised. Anything for Mew to keep talking to him. 

"Will you be a good boy for Phi?" Gulf couldn't repress the shiver that ran down his back, nor the way his thighs trembled and press tightly against each other in a desperate attempt to control his lust. He answered Mew with a groan, not verbally agreeing. He was too embarrassed. 

"That's not really an answer, Gulf." 

Fuck. 

Of course, Mew would make him spell it out for him. 

"I'll be Phi's good boy." His voice was already breathy, his hand was tightening around his dick. It felt good. Hearing Mew's voice was making it so much better. 

"Good then..." Gulf should have been slightly scared by his teasing tone, it couldn't be good. "Stop touching yourself."

"Why~?"

"Are you already done listening?" Mew laughed, completely dropping the tough act. Gulf saw him looking at him in amused disbelief like he knew Gulf wouldn't be able to follow through. 

"I said I'd be a good boy not that I'd listen to everything Phi says." Gulf teased back. Because the young man knew Mew's not-so-secret secret. If Gulf was getting turned on by Mew randomly ordering him around, he knew how much Mew enjoyed it when Gulf was obeying him. He would always fuck him harder and rougher if he begged enough. For all his gentleness, Mew could be an animal if Gulf pushed his buttons right. And he was getting good at that. 

"Aow! Isn't that the point though? A good boy listens to his Phi..." 

Mew pouted and Gulf's mind was struggling to keep up. Between his co-star's deep voice that was making his dick hard and his cuteness that was melting his heart into a pool of mush, Gulf was getting confused. They should get back on safe territory. 

"Ok, I'll listen." To the best of his abilities. Which weren't a lot, he had to admit. But he felt a compulsory need to at least try and see what would happen, how Mew would respond to his obedience. It was like a new experiment but with an outcome that seemed a lot more obvious. 

"I won't ask again, stop touching yourself."

Gulf had to make a superhuman effort to actually stop his slow strokes. He really wanted to try and listen. It was costing him a lot but seeing how even harder his dick was getting it was turning him on. A lot. He kicked his blanket down, the heat emanating from his body was more than enough to keep him warm now. 

"Show me to make sure you're behaving." 

Gulf reluctantly turned his phone down, filming his dick. That was actually a lot more embarrassing than he thought it would be. Mew saw him naked enough times that Gulf thought he wouldn't be affected by it. But the reality was that the intensity of the moment wasn't as strong as when they were together, the tension wasn't thick enough and there was still room for Gulf to get shy and self-conscious. "Good boy." Gulf didn't try to hold the shudder that Mew's sex-filled voice forced out of him. What was the point of resisting when he wanted it, after all? Gulf repositioned the phone so his face would be back in the frame. He could see how his cheeks were red and how his blush was steadily spreading down his neck and chest. He didn't think any amount of confidence and assurance would solve his excessive blushing problem. He was bound to get flushed red forever. Annoying. But Mew liked it so it was a bit useful. 

"Baby, suck your fingers, please." 

Gulf looked crossly at his phone. What the hell? He wanted to complain so hard. But he kept his mouth close, maybe Mew had a plan that Gulf couldn't guess and he had a reason to make him do something so... obscene. And weird. Gulf obeyed because he was a good boy. So he brought two of his fingers to his lips, parting them lightly before entering his mouth. It felt weird. It was his own fingers for fuck's sake. The sensations felt by his fingers and by his mouth were getting mixed, his brain couldn't separate them and it felt confusing. He could shamefully admit that he loved sucking on Mew's fingers but right now, it just felt like he escaped from a porn movie and materialized in real life. 

"Add another, Baby. I know your mouth can be fuller than that." Mew gently teased Gulf while inclining his phone toward his own clothed cock. 

That was definitely true. If he could fit Mew inside his mouth, he could fit 3 fingers. He felt so awkward. Mew was such a weirdo, it better be worth it. After adding a third finger, he started to lap and suck at his digits again. The young actor was two seconds away from dropping the good boy act and complain when he heard it. Loud and clear, Mew gasped and groaned at the obscenity displayed on his screen. And it was enough for Gulf to keep going. It tingled in his fingers and he felt almost giddy at the thought of Mew being affected by him that much. In a moment of dumb braveness mixed with some will to make Mew lose his control, he thrust his fingers deeper in. And he choked. Of course, he did. He tried to hold back the coughing fit that would inherently going to happen and tried to compensate by clearing his throat but Mew had already caught him. 

"Easy Nong, don't try to show off." 

Gulf wanted to curse at him. Badly. He was literally dying on his fingers and Mew was teasing him. Asshole.

"Phi is the one who likes to see me sucking on my fingers." He huffed, trying to get back at him. His brain was only functioning at half of his capacity so he couldn't be selective on his bratty comebacks. 

"I only like it because you like having your mouth full." Gulf couldn't find a retort. Maybe Mew was too strong for him. Maybe his brain was too fogged by lust and it wasn't capable to be witty anymore. "Am I wrong?" Maybe all his blood had rushed to his dick and now his brain was deprived of oxygen. Whatever it was it pushed him to agree with Mew with a groan. 

"Let me just..." Mew could be seen removing his shorts with a hand, finally freeing his cock from his confinement. If only Gulf could touch him it would be so much better. A wave of heat flood over his body as Mew's face morphed into pleasure as he started stroking his dick. 

"P'Mew, did you forget about me?" Gulf cringed at his own neediness. He was self-sufficient, he didn't need Mew's attention every fucking second. But the moment Mew had closed his eyes, Gulf felt left out, like it didn't matter if he was on the phone or not. So he had to make his presence known. 

"I didn't." Mew bored his eyes on his device once again. "I was just thinking about how good it would feel to have your pretty lips wrapped around my cock." 

Gulf moaned. Whiny and almost desperate. He could taste Mew on his tongue, all the way down his throat. He wanted it right now. Could he convinced Mew to drive all the way to his condo? Would he even be able to wait for the one hour drive? 

"I know my baby is feeling left out. Do you have lube with you?" Gulf checked down his bedside table. There should be a bottle but he couldn't find it. He checked under his pillow. Nothing. Under the bed? Nothing. Huh, where did he put it the last time? He racked his brain for a few seconds and... Hell, that was embarrassing. He spotted the bottle on his desk. It wasn't the fact that the bottle was on full display that was embarrassing but the associated memory. Gulf had been working hard on his homework when Mew had sent him a picture of himself chilling on his couch to tease him because the older man had been done with his own work. His sleeveless shirt was riding a bit too high on his stomach and Gulf had jerked off to the picture. 

"Gulf?" The young man whipped his head back to the phone. "Are you ok?" 

"Yes. Yes of course. I'm gonna go grab the lube." Gulf quickly walked to his desk to retrieve the bottle and flopped back down on the bed ungracefully. 

"You'd tell Phi if something was wrong, Yai Nong, right?" 

"I would, promise." That was an easy promise, Gulf never felt safer than with Mew. He knew he could tell him anything, and the man wouldn't judge him. "So..." He waved the bottle in front of his screen. "What do I do with this?"

Mew giggled lightly and motioned to him to lay back down. 

"Coat your fingers with-"

"Why did you make me suck on my fingers if I was just going to lube them?" Gulf huffed and sulked. 

"Aow! Are you done being a good boy again?" Mew pouted at him. God, he was giving Gulf whiplash with the way he was going from sexy to cute, back and forth. 

Gulf sighed and rolled his eyes at his phone. Mew was a pain in his ass. And he wanted to come. He was hard. So hard. And he didn't even get to touch his cock that much. What the hell was wrong with him? 

"Come on, Nong." And again, Mew's voice had dropped an octave, and Gulf shivered. "Be Phi's good boy and lube your fingers up. Make them dripping wet." Gulf complied, he was getting too impatient. He didn't want Mew to have another excuse to make him wait. 

"I think that's enough." Mew laughed as he saw the way the clear liquid was dripping on the bed. "You know what to do right? Or do you want Phi to tell you how to do it?" Gulf knew perfectly what to do with his fingers but he still whispered a soft "Tell me, please." Because he couldn't enough of Mew's voice. He was getting back in the mood and he didn't want Mew to stop talking. 

"Ok, Baby. Rub your fingers on your little hole." Gulf executed and those words could have been weird, and cringy, and embarrassing but he could only think of Mew and how his voice would echo inside of his chest if he was here with him. He whimpered at the cold feeling, he was willing himself to listen, to not thrust his fingers in. He rubbed them and caress himself and it wasn't as good as when Mew did it but it was enough. "Slide one in." Gulf was going to do it when "Or two? Maybe you have been naughty recently?" Gulf didn't know how it was possible but he blushed harder, his skin was burning now. He could have easily denied it if his traitorous body hadn't ratted him out. "You did. I know you did." Gulf hid his face in his pillow, unwilling to explain why he could definitely thrust two fingers inside of him without further prepping. "Tell Phi what you did, Yai Nong." 

Gulf took a deep breath, the faster he'd say it, the faster he could go back to getting off. 

He wasn't shy. He wasn't ashamed. He had the right to please himself however he wanted. Good. Now. Explanations. 

"I might have done it earlier after I came back from the set because I thought about you, and how you were probably still at Uni, with your engineering uniform and it got me hot ok? Want to laugh at me?" He usually didn't use his fingers on himself when he was getting off but once in a while, he needed something to remind him of Mew. 

"I'm definitely not in the mood to laugh." Gulf trembled hearing his Phi's dark tone. "Put two in then. Quickly." Gulf didn't stop to ponder what got Mew so worked up and executed himself. They slid in easily, he was sure he could fit a third in without much resistance. He let escape a loud moan and Mew urged him to add another one. He could hear the obscene sound of his slick fingers going in and out of his ass. It also sounded like the older man was done teasing him for now. If Gulf could trust his hearing, Mew was actively stroking his own cock, fast. 

Gulf twisted his fingers, reaching for his prostate. By now, he knew well enough where it was and he found it without much difficulty. He moaned loudly, closing his eyes at the first encounter between his finger and the nerve bundle. He knew it wouldn't be enough to bring him over the edge but the intense pleasure was enough for now. He was still holding the phone anyway so he didn't have a free hand to stroke himself. He glanced at the phone and meet Mew's dark orbs. His face contorted in pleasure but still paying attention to every little thing Gulf was doing. He bit his lips, trying to look... sexy, somehow. He wasn't sure it wasn't working but Mew was weak for his lips anyway. 

His wrist was getting numb and he wanted to come. He removed his fingers from his ass and reached for his cock when Mew growled at him. What a fucking animal. But the sound rumbled through his body anyway and made him moan. No matter how much he would like to deny it, Mew's commending side was his biggest turn on. He'd have to admit it one day. He let his cock go and conjured his best puppy eyes. 

"Can I come, Phi?"

"No."

"Please, P'Mew, Please." His hand was itching for his cock and he had to physically restrain it from grabbing it. 

"No. Be a good boy and listen." Mew's deep groan forced him to listen. He was freaking weak. "Keep fucking yourself on your fingers. Phi knows how much you love that right." Gulf could do nothing but executed and soon his ass was full of his fingers once again. 

"Not...." Gulf was panting so hard, he could barely breathe enough for it to give his brain enough oxygen. "Not ... big enough." 

"Your fingers aren't big enough, Baby?" Gulf whined and nodded as best as he could. Mew's fingers were bigger and longer and they could reach deeper inside of him, it felt so much better than this. No. His cock felt so much better than this. He wanted it. Right the fuck now. 

"Poor Nong, you're not full enough? I'm sure you can wait for a few days and take my cock properly then." Gulf almost threw his phone away at the blatant teasing. He was going to kill him. But after he made him come. His frustration must have been showing on his face. "You can stop and make yourself come, Baby." 

Gulf never grabbed his cock this fast. His movements were frantic and were lacking technics but he couldn't care less. He wanted to come as fast as possible. He could already feel his stomach filling with warmth and electricity, his muscles were tensed and he couldn't breathe anymore. He could only hear Mew's own moans and groans echoing in his room, bringing him closer and closer. 

"Come on, come for Phi."

The low murmur, almost a whisper, slipped inside his chest, spread down his body, and made him exploded. He faintly heard a "Good boy." coming from his phone. 

Fuck. 

His mind went blank. He came back to Mew's heavy breathing and to his come spread over his belly and his hand. Gulf couldn't be bothered getting up and reached for his underwear to wipe the mess he made on himself. Yuck. 

"Nong?" Gulf realized he had dropped his phone in the process and hurriedly grabbed it back, his face greeting Mew. "Hi, Yai Nong." The man was already smiling softly at him. "You ok?" Gulf didn't trust his voice. So he nodded. An equally soft smile dancing on his lips. 

They stared at each other for longs minutes, trying to get their breathing back under control, enjoying the afterglow of their orgasm. It was a shame they couldn't cuddle. Sticky, gross cuddles might be Gulf's favorites ones.

"Gulf, I wondered..." Yes? About? Mew would have to be more precise and Gulf was too damn spent to even ask him to go on. "Did you ever thought of..." Yes, Gulf thought in the past. About a lot of things but it wouldn't help Mew right now. It looked like the young man was getting his inner brattiness back quicker than he thought he would. "You know... how I always top you and I wonder..." Could Mew just end his sentence so Gulf could go to sleep? Please. "if you thought about wanting to top too." 

Top? 

Gulf tried to gather his last brain cells to answer the question but he wasn't being really successful.

"I know what it is to top already, Phi." 

"I know but I mean topping a man." 

"Wouldn't it be the same as with a woman? With less boobs." Well seeing Mew's chest, maybe that wasn't entirely true. "Why are you asking?" 

"Just... curious I guess. I don't want you to get frustrated with how we have sex." 

"Would Phi let me top him if I was?" 

"That..." Mew hesitated and Gulf couldn't care less about the answer anyway. He had no intention of fucking Mew. He knew how it felt already, he wasn't curious and really, it would be awkward for him. "...could be a problem. I don't really... I'm not into it." He looked almost pained by that. It wasn't making much sense to Gulf but he guessed that if Gulf wanted something that Mew couldn't give him then the older man would beat himself for it. "I'm sorry." 

"P'Mew," he called to get Mew's attention. "Don't be sorry. I don't... I don't want to be in charge anyway. I like it better when you do all the work and I can just lay there looking pretty." At least it made Mew laughed. He really could be an overthinking machine sometimes. Gulf would never understand it. 

"You're cute. I know already you're lazy. It's a wonder you actually like sex more than your sleep." 

Well... sex with his Phi was clearly above sleep in his 'favorite things to do' list. 

"Maybe Phi is just too good..." he teased. But Gulf knew the compliment would stroke Mew's ego and it was always a good idea to get what he wanted. 

"I'm relieved Yai Nong. I could have forced myself for you but I really don't like it. I tried it multiple times and it never felt right." 

The burst of annoyance and jealousy that quickly invaded his chest startled Gulf. He didn't want to know about his Phi's past. He didn't want to know if others were better or worst than him. What if he was the less good one? That thought was unbearable. 

The words were out before he could think it through.

"Am I good?" 

"What?" 

"Am I good in bed, Phi?" It wasn't a hard question. Yes or no. That was it. Why was Mew struggling to answer? 

"There isn't... I mean... Yai Nong, it would be a bit disrespectful to my past lovers to answer that question." Alright, Gulf would start sulking for real. "Don't make that face, Baby." 

"Don't call me that! If I'm bad you have to tell me so I can get better!" His insecurities were getting the best of him. He hated it but he didn't know how to stop himself. 

"Gulf, stop being stubborn. Did Phi ever make you feel that anything you did was less than amazing?" No, that was true. Phi was always telling him how good he was. How cute he was. That he was his good boy, that he was perfect for him. "You remember now? You're perfect for me, Nong." Mew noticed how Mews's voice changed. It was softer and it was laced with something he couldn't decipher. Something warm and delicate. He wondered what it was. "If you promised to keep it to yourself I'll tell you a secret." 

"I promised."

"You're the best. And I'm not talking about technics or anything like that but Gulf, you must have felt it too right? The chemistry between us? It isn't something common, it's not something you can explain or find at the corner of the street." 

Which street was Mew talking about? Gulf shook his head to clear his thoughts, it wasn't the time for that. Mew was right. Their chemistry was beyond what words could describe. It was intense and magnetic. As if the attraction between them was stronger than them. Like they couldn't fight it even if they wanted to. It was scary. What if he was never able to let go? What would happen then? 

"Gulf?"

Fuck, Gulf has been zoning out again. He was so tired and his thoughts were a tangled mess.

"I know Phi, I feel it too." 

Mew stayed silent after that. He was watching him closely, seemingly trying to read into his mind like he usually did. But right now, Gulf's mind was pretty much filled with question marks and inappropriate thoughts. That was it. 

He could feel his eyelids getting heavier. He wanted to talk with Mew more, he didn't want to sleep yet but it was getting hard to keep his eyes open. 

"Ready to go to sleep? I can almost hear you snoring already." Who was snoring? Gulf didn't snore, thank you. If anything Mew would be the one more likely to snore. But Gulf hadn't had it in him to fight back right now. 

"I'm so tired Phi." 

"Alright Yai Nong. Good night Baby. I'll see you tomorrow." 

"Good night P'Mew." 

Gulf giggles at Mew's silly kissing face before the screen went black. Mew had hung up. Gulf let his eyes close, tucking his phone under his pillow. He felt himself drift off to sleep, a small smile dancing on his lips. A warm feeling had settled on his chest. It was soft and glowing. Appeasing and safe. Gulf knew it meant something good. He had never taken the time to explore what that feeling meant but he would eventually and he knew deep down it would be something good. In the meantime, he should ask his Phi on a date.

 


 

11th August - 16h30 - TharnType Filming Set, Mahidol University, Bangkok 

Today was a great day. Nothing could go wrong. 

Mew was sitting with Saint at a picnic table, drinking tea from their silly tumblers and catching up. He could see from his peripherical vision one particularly cute Nong, dancing from one foot to another while a staff member was telling him something Mew couldn't hear. But the actor knew that the boy was craving to join them. He could see it in his behavior, how his body was half turned in their direction, how he kept glancing at them like he was trying to hear them. Mew wasn't sure if it was some sort of weirdly-expressed jealousy, some sort of... possessivity over him, or if Gulf just wanted to get rid of the staff member. But he was pleased to see his boy longing for him, no matter what were the circumstances. It felt... nice. 

He was chatting with his old friend, his Nong was showing signs of affection if he could call it like that, and Mean, who he had just met today, seemed a pretty ok guy. So really nothing could go wrong today. 

"P'Mew, as your friend, do you have anything to say to me?" 

Mew jumped lightly at Saint's voice. He must have been too focused on Gulf for the last minute that he had muted Saint out. Sorry, friend. 

"About what?"

"About that cute little actor of yours." 

Shit. They really were being too obvious. Everyone seemed to pick up on it. They weren't even that touchy in public and most staff members had now accepted the fact that their friendship was a bit different than what was expected of them. They were lucky, they could get away with most of their highly-questionable behavior. But Saint was only on set with them for half a day and he had already picked up on something. 

"Not much, we get along really well, we're... pretty close." Mew could already feel his voice growing softer by simply mentioning Gulf. 

"Close or close-close?" Saint's smirk was telling him more than enough to understand the young man wouldn't buy a half-hearted lie. 

"Close close..." 

His words trailing like he was unsure of his answer. It was hard to answer when Mew himself didn't really know where they stood anymore.

But something felt wrong. Something Mew couldn't pinpoint. He looked at Saint, then at Gulf. Then back at Saint. Little co-star...

"Nong!" Saint almost knocked his tea tumbler off at the sudden outburst. "You do know that Gulf is older than you right?" 

Considering Saint's shocked face, it was safe for Mew to assume the actor wasn't aware of it.

"Oh, God. What?" Panic was slowly starting to take over his features. "I... no way... P'Mew! Why did you not tell me? I called him Nong all day long! I thought he was 19 or something." Mew could only chuckle at the absurd situation. "P'Mew! I can't believe you let me embarrassed myself like that." 

"Don't worry. I don't think Gulf even noticed. Everyone calls him Nong here. You're almost the same age anyway. Nong's birthday is in December." Mew tried to reassure him after noticing how Saint was struggling to get his composure back. 

"Oh, God. I'll apologize when he finally managed to come here." 

When was the keyword because Gulf was clearly struggling to get rid of the technician talking to him. The woman was now resting her hand on his arm, pulling at him from time to time while Gulf had crossed his arms and wouldn't move an inch no matter how hard she was trying.

"You can but I can already tell you what he'll say." Mew giggled to suppress the heating jealousy threatening to overflow from his throat, his lion yawning and stretching inside his chest, preparing to jump out at the slightest sign the woman could be flirting with his boy. " 'But Saint, I don't care. You can be a Phi if you want.' Wanna bet?" 

"How is that fair?" Saint pouted and Mew couldn't help but notice how his pout was nothing like Gulf's one. How unaffected he was by it and that Saint could plead and pout and whine and he would get nothing from Mew. While Gulf just had to bat his eyelashes prettily and Mew would give him the world and the stars. 

"It isn't." Mew smiled smugly. He knew Gulf the best. Saint couldn't win. And Mew liked to win. More than anything. Except for Gulf. "Let's say 500 Bath?" He extended his hand, ready to shake Saint's one. Not even the slightest ashamed of robbing a Nong from his money. "Do we have a deal?" 

"Deal." 

As they shook hands, Mew noticed how Gulf abruptly stop talking to the crew member, and his eyes were fixed on them. That boy was being extra weird. 

"I'm not sure I can ask but..." Saint played with the straw in his tumbler, a bit too awkwardly for his easy-going personality. "...Are you two together?" 

And here they were again. If Mew could have won a best-actor award every time someone asked him that question, he would be the best actor in the entire world. 

"Not... technically. It's complicated." He obviously let the sex-friends part out of his explanations but he knew he could trust Saint. They had been friends for a few years and Saint knew perfectly how it was to be under the fire of media and fans, he wouldn't consciously put him in this position. "I think we're getting there. Slowly. Painfully slowly." 

Mew had felt it. The past few days had been weird. A good weird. Gulf had been a lot more open. He was talking more, not that he was quiet usually, not with him at least, but he has been talking about himself a lot more as if he wanted Mew to learn more about him as if he wanted to share his experiences and his life with him. Bring Mew inside his world and share his safe, little bubble with him. 

"Slow isn't always bad, Phi." Saint looked thoughtful and his gaze drifted to Gulf. "I'm happy for you, you deserve someone who can love you unconditionally." 

Mew would need to do with Gulf's liking for now. He wouldn't ask for eternal and unconditional love. Just having him by his side would be enough. Mew could have enough unconditional love for the both of them. 

Mew nodded at Saint, not explaining further, it was between Mew and Gulf. No one else.

"I think your little co-star is coming here." But Saint probably realized he treated him like a Nong again because "No, I mean, I think P'Gulf is coming here."

And indeed, it only took Mew turning his head in his direction for Gulf to be by his side already. The boy gave Saint a small, tensed smile before fixing his gaze on Mew. Staring. Intently. What did he want? 

"Sit down with us, Gulf." 

Mew smiled at him and waved toward the place next to him on the wooden bench. But Gulf shook his head lightly, pouting a bit before nudging his leg with his foot. Mew was growing more and more confused. What kind of games was Gulf playing? 

"What do you want, Yai Nong?" Mew was slightly embarrassed to use his softest voice, mostly reserved to Gulf and Chopper, in front of Saint, but his Nong looked troubled and Mew be damned if he couldn't bring a smile on those perfect, pouty lips. That he wanted to kiss. Badly. 

Gulf simply kicked his leg. 

... 

Maybe Mew was too quick to indulge him, and yes this kind of behavior would have made him see red, and the person doing the kicking might have not survived, but Gulf being Gulf he moved his leg a bit while readying himself to tell him off if he'd do it again. 

Another light kick. 

...

Mew's annoyance was rising but he moved his leg again and raised an eyebrow at the younger man. What was his deal? Had he lost his mind for good? 

Once his boy seemed to have judged the space fitting, he dropped himself on Mew's lap. One of his hands coming to rest around his neck. Gulf glanced at Saint for a second before burying his face into Mew's neck, finally relaxing in his embrace. 

The whole situation was weird and confusing and Mew's brain didn't seem to be able to put the pieces together. 

When Mew looked back at his friend, Saint was already staring at him, a bit alarmed by Gulf's mysterious behavior. Mew shrugged his shoulder, a puzzled expression on his face. He didn't know either why Gulf didn't just ask him to sit in his lap. They did that often enough for the boy to not get embarrassed. He would let it go for now. The new weight on him was pleasant and his arms were full of the boy he loved so much. What more could he want? Besides understanding the situation. He wrapped his arms tightly around him, holding him close, safe, protected. He sneaked his hand on the younger's cute belly, enjoying the squishy feeling. 

"Mmm... P'Gulf?" 

Gulf didn't budge. His breathing was slow but not heavy enough for him to be sleeping so Mew was sure he wasn't asleep. He carded a hand in his hair, playing with his ear a little. Gulf only pressed closer to him. He looked so much like a cat. Thankfully, he wasn't one, Mew was allergic to cats. But he didn't care. At least he wasn't allergic to this specific kitten. Far from that considering all the time they spent glue to each other. 

"P'Mew? Is P'Gulf sleeping?" 

Mew shook his head and Gulf moved a bit still resting his head on his shoulder, tipping his head back enough so their eyes could meet. The slight pout was still here, his wide doe eyes still filled with a mixture of contentment and annoyance. What an interesting combo. 

"Yai Nong, Saint is talking to you, were you sleeping? 

Realization seemed to dawn on Gulf as his eyes widened comically and he sat straighter on Mew's lap, looking at Saint, any traces of annoyance disappearing from his features. 

"I'm sorry P'Saint, I didn't mean to ignore you. I was..." Gulf looked unsure of what he was doing. Mew would say that Gulf was marking his territory to match with the Gulf-was-a-cat narrative. "I don't know. I was tired and wanted to recharge a bit." 

"P'Gulf," Gulf tilted his head a bit, not understanding why Saint was suddenly so formal. "I'm sorry I called you Nong. I thought you were younger than me, I'm really sorry." 

Gulf stayed put. Eyes fixed on Saint, one of his hands searching for Mew's right. Once he found it he placed it on his stomach again and urged it to start kneading. A. Cat. This was becoming scary. 

"Don't be sorry P'Saint or Saint or Nong or I don't know. I don't care, you can be a Phi if you want." Mew winked as Saint from behind Gulf, lipsyncing a quiet 'Pay me later'.

"That's not necessary just call me Nong or Saint. I'm just really embarrassed because I kept talking about you like you were younger and it seems disrespectful now." 

"Oh." Was that wariness in his voice? Was he afraid Mew would talk badly of him? "You talked about me with P'Mew?" Now Gulf looked interested when he was blatantly ignoring Saint for the past 5 minutes. Of course, he would be. 

"Don't worry he didn't say anything bad about you."

"I know." He looked smug, his arm tightened behind Mew's neck like he was trying to show some sort of property over Mew. Mew genuinely wondered if he was losing his mind. Everything was telling him Gulf was jealous and was actually trying to prove to Saint that Mew was his. But at the same time, this kind of behavior was so far from his Nong, he never did anything similar in the past. "Phi would never. I'm Phi's favorite Nong." What was that edge in his voice? Mew didn't think he ever heard Gulf speak like that to anyone either. He wasn't rude but his passive-aggressive behavior was pretty obvious. 

Mew leaned down and rubbed his nose on the shell of his ear. "Are you ok, baby?" Gulf nodded lightly, still focused on Saint. 

"I-" Saint looked positively unsure of what to do with Gulf's attitude. "I know." He tried to laugh to ease the dense tension. "He is very fond of you." Gulf cocked his head some more. He slightly nodded his head. Mew was pondering what he could say to lift off the uncanny mood when Gulf suddenly turned his face toward him, leaving a sniff kiss on his neck. 

Mew froze. Eyes wide opened. Mouth slacked. 

What the actual hell was happening? Gulf was jealous, right? He wasn't imagining it, he really was jealous? Ok. Mew had to calm down. He could feel his chest filling up with warmth, the lion inside lazily stretching under a bright sun. he should be annoyed, he should be embarrassed even, he should feel anything but immense satisfaction. 

Saint cleared his throat in an attempt to stop Gulf from going further and probably ending up embarrassing himself.

"Yai Nong? You're being really weird right now. What's going on?" Mew's voice seemed to reach him and the boy stilled. Before a pronounced blush spread over his cheeks and his neck. It looked like he was finally realizing how inappropriate his behavior was. Mew could see his usual shield build in Gulf's eyes, annoyance coloring his face. 

"Nothing, I just wanted to sit here. Why? You want me to go?" 

Clipped tone and sarcastic raised eyebrow. 

Welcome back, little brat, long time no see. 

Even if Mew was now seeing clear in his Nong's little game, he would still indulge him and there was absolutely no way he would let him go anywhere. 

"No, no, no, stay here. You know you can always come to Phi, right?." Gulf looked at him, a small satisfied smile on his lips. He seemed to be happy enough that his point, whatever it was, had been made and let himself relax in Mew's arms. 

"So, Saint," Gulf was still radiating with somber and electric energy but at least he was silently resting against Mew so the older man decided to get back to his conversation with Saint. "How is your new series going?" This was safe. 

"Oh hum good, I met P'Zee, I don't think you ever met him before. He is nice. And honestly...I'm happy to do another series." Saint smiled softly. "After the disaster that happened." 

Mew nodded his head in understanding and tightened his arms around the boy in his lap, cuddling him closer to his chest. He never saw him like that before but he wasn't going to reject him. Even if Mew knew it was risky to behave like that in front of the crew. He simply couldn't bear the thought of not satisfying Gulf's every will. He was like that. Always has been, always will. Everyone else be damned. 

"Did you meet the rest of the cast yet? I don't think I saw any known faces beside you, right?" 

"I still have to meet some people but most of them are nice and fun to be around with." 

"I'm happy for you." Gulf squirmed a bit in his lap, the shift of his ass seeming to spark his dick's interest. Mew rolled his eyes internally, he wasn't a teenager for god's sake. He could have a boy in his lap without getting a hard-on. Maybe it was true for every other boy but it clearly wasn't applying to Gulf. He needed to start the conversation again quickly before his mind would be taken over by inappropriate thought. "Will you be in the new season of Love By Chance?"

"Oh hum no. Obviously." Saint looked trouble and puzzled at the question. 

Oh. 

Ooooh. 

Mew was stupid. Completely and irreversibly stupid. He hated his brain for being this weak. He only needed a round ass and a specific cute Nong for him to lose half of his IQ. 

"I'm sorry, N'Saint, I forgot for a minute." Saint shrugged, sipping his tea with his straw. "It's ok. Don't worry about it. And you P'Gulf?" Gulf barely lifted his head to acknowledge the question. "Do you like it here? It is your first series, right?" 

His Nong took his time to straighten in a less slumped position but still leaning on Mew. One of his hands swiftly snatched Mew's right one and started playing with his rings, alternatively rolling the thumb ring around and removing and putting back in place his pinky ring. 

"Yes. I'm happy. I have P'Mew, he takes care of me." Saint raised an eyebrow at Mew. Gulf couldn't be any more suspicious. God. No sane actor would think about their co-star first before talking about how their skills improved or about the filming set's atmosphere. But Gulf was Gulf and Mew had given up on expecting his Nong to follow basic human reactions. He was almost always in his own bubble with his own, personal reactions.

"P'Mew told me you're really close." Saint lightly smirked at them. "You look comfy here." Clearly, the teasing wasn't reaching Gulf and the young man answered seriously. 

"Yes, our relationship is pretty special." 

Mew felt his heart soar against his will. It felt too good to have Gulf sitting in his lap, admitting they have something going on. For someone as insecure as he was, the slightest confirmation that everything they had wasn't all in his head felt amazing. 

"I see. Are you not bored of P'Mew's cuddles yet?" Saint teased knowing perfectly what kind of cuddle machine Mew was. 

"Of course not!" 

Both Saint and Mew slightly jumped at the offended tone, his Nong's sudden outburst would always take him off guard. He couldn't get used to them. 

"Saint was joking Nong, with how you are right now, I don't think anyone could believe you could be bored." Mew laughed lightly, squishing the boy against him, relishing the cute struggling and his little, annoyed complaints about being crushed. 

Mew was so happy. Happier than he had been in so long. Possibly happier than he has ever been. Every emotion he was feeling around Gulf seemed to be enhanced 10 times. Today was indeed a good day. If he could manage to subtly cancel his plan with Bosser tonight and take Gulf home for a nice movie and take-out date, this day would be perfect. 

"I'm going to go and grab some food. I'll see you guys later before I go home?" 

"Sure, see you later N'Saint." Mew answered and Gulf nodded in agreement before repositioning himself in Mew's lap. 

Mew pondered for a few minutes. This Gulf right here was... unusual. Mew had long learned that Gulf was a possessive kitten. It was evident with how he always tried to get Mew's attention when the older man was hanging out with crew members or actors. It was also evident how Gulf took pride in being the only one capable of making Mew do whatever he wanted without having to put much effort into it, claiming to whoever was willing to listen that he was Mew's favorite Nong. Possessive Gulf was a fact. However, Mew had always estimated that this possessivity was coming from a childish response to a protective figure, a selfish want to have someone caring only for him. He never thought Gulf's possessivity could actually result from jealousy. This Gulf right here in his lap had been jealous of Saint. Why? Mew didn't know exactly, he hadn't been closer to Saint than he had been to other actors before. He might even have been less touchy and physically close than he was with Mild. So Mew couldn't really decide what had triggered his young lover. Still, Gulf had been jealous and had wanted to prove to Saint that Mew was off-limit. 

It is likely that Mew wouldn't have thought any of it if Gulf hadn't had been... strange since last week. Since their poker night with Mild and Run to be exact. The content of their chat on his phone was evidence enough. 

Flashback

 


 

💌 6th August - 15h14

Yai Nong⚽ : Let's go out tonight P'Mew. 

P'Mew🐼 : Really? You never want to go on dates usually 

Yai Nong⚽: I don't know. I feel like going out. 

P'Mew🐼: Ok. Where do you want to go? 

Yai Nong⚽: Movie? 

P'Mew🐼: Sure, do you have one in mind? 

Yai Nong⚽: Not really, I'll let Phi decide on the movie and I'll pick the popcorn. 

P'Mew🐼: Ok deal, I'll pick you up at 7 😘

 


 

💌 8th August - 21h34

Yai Nong⚽: Phi!! I just saw this amazing adorable designer figurine, I think you'd like to add it to your collection

P'Mew🐼: Since when are you interested in figurines Nong? 

Yai Nong⚽: I'm not. 

Yai Nong⚽: I just wanted you to have a cute otter figurine so it would remind you of me. 

Yai Nong⚽: In case you forget about me. 

P'Mew🐼: I could never forget about you, Baby. 

P'Mew🐼: Here, look

Image Sent

P'Mew🐼: Already bought it. Should arrive in a few days. 

Yai Nong⚽: Yay 🤗

 


 

💌 9th August - 8h10

Yai Nong⚽: P'Mew? 


P'Mew🐼: What it is baby? 

Yai Nong⚽: I need to come to your condo tonight. 

P'Mew🐼: Sure, what happened? 

P'Mew🐼: Is everything alright? 

P'Mew🐼: Are you hurt? 

P'Mew🐼: Do you need me to come to get you? 

1 missed called from P'Mew🐼

P'Mew🐼: Answer me! I'm worried! 

3 missed calls from P'Mew🐼

P'Mew🐼: Nong!

P'Mew🐼: Gulf!! What is happening? 

5 missed calls from P'Mew🐼

Yai Nong⚽: What the hell P'Mew!! I just went to take a shower! It only took me 5mn, why are you like this 🙄

P'Mew🐼: Are you ok?! 

Yai Nong⚽: Yes I'm ok. I just need to run away from home.

P'Mew🐼: Why? What happened? Tell me right now. 

Yai Nong⚽: I may have bought the first fifty volumes of One Piece and my mom is going to kill me. 

P'Mew🐼: What...?

P'Mew🐼: Yai Nong! You don't even read manga that much, what did you buy so much? 

Yai Nong⚽: I don't know

Yai Nong⚽: It's Phi's favorite so I wanted to read it too. 

P'Mew🐼: You're... I was going to say crazy but I'll go with cute. You're too cute. 🙈

 


 

💌 10th August - 6h21

Yai Nong⚽: P'Mew, I need to buy a gift for Ice's birthday next week. 

P'Mew🐼: ??

Yai Nong⚽: Come with me to the mall this weekend. 

P'Mew🐼: What if I'm busy? 

Yai Nong⚽: Cancel and come with me. 

Yai Nong⚽: We can go to that weird manga cafe afterward

Yai Nong⚽: Phi said he wanted to take me there once. 

P'Mew🐼: Ok, I'll go with you.

P'Mew🐼: I really just give in to you all the time 😐

Yai Nong⚽: Thank you P'Mew 😁

End of Flashback

 


 

Mew wouldn't say Gulf never cared about spending time together before but the kind of activities he asked for were usually happening in a bed or at least in one of their condos. Actually getting him to spend time together outside wasn't easy. The boy didn't like to go out, didn't like the crowded streets of Bangkok, and didn't like Mew's taste for fancy restaurants. Mew always had to use tricks and promises to get him to agree to go on dates. And sure, they were not actual dates per se, but Mew liked to think of them as such. 

And for the past week, Gulf asked him out twice. Unbelievable. And he also suddenly started to take interest in Mew's hobbies. Sure, Gulf always listened to him carefully when he went on and on about One Piece or his favorites movies but he never showed any sign of wanting to watch them. Mew had started to wonder if Gulf was just trying to be nice or if he was trying to get closer to him. Like you would do with your lover. And now, seeing Gulf behaving like that made his hopes skyrocket. What if Gulf was starting to like him? What if Gulf was falling in love with him? Maybe it was time to ask Gulf for more. Maybe Mew could allow himself to finally wish for something more. They could start slowly. They didn't have to promise each other eternal love, just being there for each other. Being more than sex-friends. If Gulf wasn't ready to admit he had any kind of feelings for Mew, maybe he could at least accept the older man's feelings for him. That would be progress already. 

"P'Mew?" The voice of his Nong brought him back on Earth. He lost the string of his thoughts but one thing remained clear. He had to tell Gulf about his feelings. 

"Yes?" 

"What were you thinking about? You were smiling a bit stupidly." 

Mew felt his cheeks heat up instantly but he was ready to face his Nong, now. He wasn't going to back out. He could be straightforward and blunt. Just like Gulf. Ok, maybe not like Gulf but he could try at least. 

"Just thinking about you." That... wasn't really as straightforward as he would like to be, but it was a good start, right? Mew just had to gather his courage and speak his mind. 

"Something dirty?" Gulf's cheeky smile, as much endearing as it was wouldn't fool Mew and make him deviate from his goal. But God, did he wanted to kiss him right now. Wiping off that smirk and replace it with flush cheeks and swollen lips. Stop. Focus. 

"Not...really." 

"About what then?"

"I think we should talk about us, Nong."

"No. Let's not." 

What? Yes, let's. Huh, why was it always so difficult to make Gulf talk about important things. Wide eyes and startled look, Gulf clearly wasn't on board for that conversation. 

"You don't want to?" 

"It's embarrassing?" Gulf's answer definitely sounded like a question, like he wasn't sure what was holding him back. 

"Embarrassing? You can tell me you want to suck my dick in broad daylight but we can't talk about our relationship because it is embarrassing?" 

"It's different." What? Mew could feel the sting of the beginning of a headache appearing behind his eyes. Some things would just never change. Short and cryptic answers that Mew had to try to decipher by himself or had to painfully extract more words out of Gulf, one by one until it would make sense. 

"Different how?"

"I don't know" Classic. Mew had to gather every ounce of patience he didn't have to not just give up and let the situation as it was. 

"Come on Baby, give me something to work with here." 

"I don't know." No strangling, no murdering, no kissing the hell out of him so the boy's mouth would at least be useful to something if it wasn't for speaking. 

"What is it? Are you embarrassed about what you did with Saint?" 

"I did nothing." Right. Another case of denial. 

"Gulf. You sat on me like you were claiming your territory in front of Saint. It isn't 'nothing'." 

Mew noticed how fast the blush on Gulf's cheeks had spread to his neck and his ears. Gulf tried to remove himself from his lap but Mew clung harder to him, grasping the younger's hands in his, strongly enough that Gulf wouldn't be able to free himself without trying for real. He didn't want him to run away. They really could use a talk right now. Gulf stubbornly turned his face away from him, staring at nothing in particular in the distance. 

"I'm just being possessive. I'm a brat. You're mine. That's it." 

That's it. 

What? 

Gulf probably wasn't realizing how his own words were contradictory. 

"You know it isn't true, Nong. You were jealous of Saint." Gulf was about to refute those words so Mew shushed him with his thumb on his plump lips. Gulf shook his head to remove the digit on his lips, his hands still clasped in Mew's bigger one. 

"I'm not jealous." 

"You are." 

"I'm not."

"You are!"

Silence. 

"Gulf." 

Silence.

"Yai Nong." 

Silence and a sigh. 

"Baby~" 

"I'm-" Gulf cut himself in the middle of his sentence, tightening his lips stubbornly. 

"Come on, Gulf, say what's in your mind." Mew was growing tired, his tone slightly annoyed. He wouldn't force Gulf to talk, not if it was this difficult for Gulf. Even if he was dying to make him speak. Even if it was breaking his heart to see his Nong pretend like that. He wasn't against pushing him a bit when the words were almost out but this Gulf here looked like he really didn't want to talk about it. As Gulf wasn't looking inclined to speak anytime soon Mew continued. "You're not jealous, that's ok. I thought... I thought you were and I liked it but if you're not and I'm just imagining things then that's ok. I'm sorry I insisted so much." 

Mew let go of the younger's hands, his arms were still wrapped around him but the strength of his embrace was not more than a gentle hug. If Gulf decided he wanted to go then Mew wouldn't hold him back. 

And maybe it was for the best. Maybe Mew really did imagine everything in his desperate will of making it work between them. Maybe Mew had let Gulf's easy-going personality and sudden interest in him fool him when really it had been nothing for Gulf but a friendly way to show him he cared. 

As Gulf was finally free, Mew felt him stand up and the sudden coldness following the absence of the warm body iced his inside. 

So that was it. 

Mew's hope really didn't last long. It was funny how long it had taken him for allowing himself to hope only for it to be-

"Ok. I was jealous." 

Mew whipped his head toward the younger man. Gulf hadn't left, he had simply sat down on the bench next to Mew. His head was unexpectedly held high but his eyes were avoiding Mew. His stubborn boy. He loved him so much. 

"Ok," Mew said softly, trying to make him go on by gently nudging his arm. But Gulf didn't.

"Do you know why you were jealous?" 

"Not really." Alright, this was going to be long. 

"Yai Nong, when people are jealous it usually means they like the person you know that, right?"

"I... it's not... I'm..." 

"Should Phi go first?" 

"Maybe..." 

Mew took both of Gulf's hands in one of his, stroking the soft skin with his thumb. 

"You know Phi cares a lot about you, don't you?" Mew almost cringed inside, how more cliché could he get? But Gulf nodded. That was a good sign, right? 

"Ok, let's just..." Mew stumbled a bit on his words, his nerves suddenly failing him when really, he was a grown-ass man, he could perfectly confess his feelings to someone without taking forever. "I like you, Yai Nong. I mean, I'm in lo-" His words died on his tongue as Gulf almost slapped one of his hands over his mouth. Mew's eyes widened, not knowing if it was supposed to alarm him. It was just... so Gulf. 

"I... I like Phi too." Ok. Ok. It wasn't the time to hyperventilate. Mew knew that already. Roughly. He had an idea. A feeling. He shouldn't act surprised but his heart stopped beating for a second too long and he thought he might have died right here. Hell, his heart was as dramatic as him. And Gulf didn't even talk about love. 

"Good, that's... good." He wanted to kiss him. Right now. Kiss him hard until he was breathless and begging for more. Make him his. Like he should have been all along.

"Does it change anything about us?" The shyness in Gulf's voice was refreshing in a way.

"It depends, what do you want it to change?" 

"I don't know." After today, Mew didn't want to hear that sentence before weeks. He heard it too many times already. 

"Do you want us to stay sex-friends?" Please, no. That wasn't possible. "Or do you want to be in a real relationship? Like Mild said?" Mew couldn't contain his smile, the mere thought about them being together was making his whole body sing. "We could take it slow, go on dates, real dates this time, and see where it goes?" 

"I..." 

He was hesitating so much. Mew knew his boy was curious but he still couldn't really understand what was holding his Nong back. 

"Yai Nong, if you need time to think about it, Phi can give it to you." 

"I don't... I don't need time. It just feels weird inside of me. I have all those tingly butterflies in my stomach, I don't know what to do with them."

Mew laughed but didn't answer. Butterflies. How cute. 

"So? Is it a yes? Let's give it a try?" 

"Ok." Mew's heart soared. Fucking. Finally. "Ok Phi, let's give it a try." 

He was going to pull him into his arms but Gulf put both of his hands on his chest, keeping him at a good distance. 

"But that doesn't mean I'm going to agree to go out on dates all the time, or that I'll let you listen to K-Pop in the car!" Mew nodded. "And I'll still be a brat. I'm not going to be soft with you." If only he knew how soft he already was with Mew. "And I'll still play football with my friends," What? Did Mew ever complain about that? Except for the first time... "Nothing will change much right?" 

"Right, Baby." 

"Except... I want more sex!" 

Of course, he would. Mew rolled his eyes at him and -

"More sex than what we already do? And when do you except to play football if we do it even more?" 

"Err, right. Maybe not more then." His sheepish look was adorable. Mew removed his hands from his chest to pull him against him for good. His arms wrapped perfectly around his slender waist, his hands caressing the small of his back, before letting one wander down to his ass, pinching it. 

"I thought so." 

Before they even got the chance to fall in comfortable silence, Mew decided to ask him something that had been burning his tongue for weeks. 

"Let me take you on our first real date tonight." 

"Ok, but nothing too fancy, I hate those places." Gulf nuzzled in his neck, his mouth opening from time to time to nibble on the skin. Thankfully, no one could see it from afar. 

"Sure, whatever my Nong wants." 

"I want to kiss Phi right now."

"You know we can't." 

"Unfair." He huffed and pouted. His eyebrows furrowing and his nose crunching, he looked like an angry kitten. "Let's go to the restroom in the Engineering building, Phi." 

Gulf didn't let him answer. He caught his hand and pulled him up. Mew was still debating if really it was safe to go and make out in a public bathroom while being on set when a voice stopped them. 

"Guys, where are you going?" 

Both men turned their heads toward the source of the voice and were surprised to see Mean. Wasn't the actor supposed to have gone home already? 

"We were going to the restr-"

"Restaurant." Gulf's orbs widened, not understanding why Mew would be lying on their destination. "You know, the restaurant beside the Engineering Building? I heard the food is delicious there." Mew laughed lightly, discreetly nudging Gulf to signal him to go along with Mew's excuse. 

"Yes, right, the restaurant. I'm hungry." Mew almost sighed at the awkward expression on Gulf's face. Was it that difficult to produce a little white lie? Boy looked so suspicious that Mean looked them both in the eye, trying to understand what the hell was going on. And for good reason. Why would anyone look so jittery while saying they were going to eat. Gulf really was a handful... And did Mew just make him his boyfriend? Maybe it wasn't a good idea after all. Mew internally rolled his eyes at the thought, because, really? He had been pining over that boy for months! He could be as awkward and weird as he wanted, Mew wasn't letting him go. Not now. Not ever. 

"Oh," Mean's puzzled face was telling Mew everything he needed to know. "Do you guys have a few minutes to talk?"

"Sure," Mew smiled easily, pulling Gulf so they would sit on the bench once again. Gulf sat so close to Mew that the boy could have sat in his lap and it wouldn't have made a difference. Cute. "How is it going for you? I heard you'd be the lead actors with Plan, for Love By Chance season 2. You must be happy." Mew was thankful for his extrovert personality in moments like that. He could make conversation with anyone, even though he barely knew them. 

"Not really but the paycheck is good." 

"Hm? You're not happy?" 

"What is there to be happy?" Mean looked at him, disbelief coloring his features. "I'm gonna play a stupid gay character once again." He said with slight disgust in his voice. Maybe Mean didn't like Tin very much? He was an asshole after all. "Worst of all, I'm a lead actor now, so we're going to have to kiss more than in the previous season. How am I going to survive?" 

Gulf laughed at Mean's words, not noticing the underlying meaning.

"Is Plan that much of a bad kisser?" 

"What? No that's not... P'Gulf, he is a man." He explained matter of factly like it was supposed to make sense. Gulf tilted his head on the side, a lost expression on his face, clearly not understanding what Mean was trying to say. Mew had understood though, and he wondered how this conversation would end up. He reigned in his anxiety and annoyance. There was no way he would make a scene on set, no matter how offended he was. "What are you not understanding, P'Gulf? He is a man, I'm a man. And we have to kiss." 

"Hmm, just like P'Mew and me." He insisted, clearly not reading the situation.

"Yes like you and P'Mew... aren't you disgusted when you have to kiss?" 

"No, why would I be?" Mew snickered discreetly. With the number of hard-ons Gulf had had on set after kissing, he clearly wasn't disgusted. And Mew wouldn't even talk about their private time. "I don't understand Mean, does Plan have bad breath or something?"

"Are you doing it on purpose or are you dumb?" The sudden attack startled them both, Mew immediately straightened in his seat and he felt Gulf tensed beside him. There wasn't much venom in Mean's voice but insulting someone you barely knew was strange. 

"Careful, Nong. I can accept a lot of things, but don't talk to him like that." Voice slightly cold and eyes hard, it was usually enough to keep people in line. 

"Wait Phi," Gulf grabbed at his arm, shaking him slightly. "I don't understand." The young actor then looked at Mean. "Don't call me dumb N'Mean, that's harsh. But please explain to me what are you two talking about? I feel like everyone is understanding something that I'm not." 

Mean roamed his eyes over Mew's face, his features hardening as Mew's stare grew colder. 

"Let me spell it out for you then. I am disgusted by the fact that I have to kiss a man. Is that clear enough?" Mew could see right through him. Now, the only question was if Gulf and he were going to fall for it or not. 

"But... you're an actor." 

"I am an actor but I'm not a fag, I hate kissing guys for the sake of feeding high school girls' fantasies." Tone neutral and face blank, the calmer Mean was the hotter Mew was getting. He could feel his body tensing, liquid fire steadily replacing his blood inside his veins. He took a deep breath. He wasn't going to punch him in the face. Yet. 

"Do you have anything against gays?" He asked, knowing the answer. And really, Mew hated himself for it. It would only fan the flames. But it was hard to face someone who hated you for something as trivial as sexuality. 

"Yes. They're disgusting." Of course, how predictable. 

"What the hell are you saying Mean?" Gulf's voice was carrying the offense of someone who had been hit in the guts. If Mean had any remaining doubts about Mew and Gulf's relationship, his Nong's reaction was probably enough to convince him. 

"Gulf, drop it, it's not worth it." He tried to defuse the situation. It wouldn't go too far anyway, who in their right mind would pick up a fight with other actors. Mean was certainly not that idiotic. 

"Oh, but it is worth it. Do you have anything to say P'Gulf? It seems like both of you aren't disgusted, do you have anything to hide?" 

Oh. 

Maybe he was. 

Mew was stunned, a dreadful feeling seeping inside his body. Coldness invading his chest contrasting with the fire in his veins, he could already hear his heart starting to beat louder. His lion was watching from afar, ready to defend and protect what was his if necessary. Its guard was up and its senses alerted.

"No." Mew hated himself for letting Gulf handle this but he was still processing the direct attack and he didn't know if he could trust his voice right now. 

"Good. Because seeing you all over each other like that, I was starting to think that maybe you were... you know." The man raised his eyebrow knowingly, his face still sporting a playful smirk. Mean either wasn't reading the situation or he was getting off of playing with them. Mew had an idea which one it was. He just hoped Gulf wouldn't fall for it.

"We were what?" Gulf defied. No, please. They shouldn't play his game. 

"Fags." 

Fuck. 

No. 

"So what if we were?" Gulf's voice was growing louder, his anger had always been explosive. Mew knew that better than anyone. 

"Yai Nong, please, let it go." He placed his hand on the small of his back, hoping physical contact would prevent the boy to blow up. "N'Mean, I would advise you to stop right here before it gets out of hand." He calibrated his tone of voice, threatening enough to scare but not aggressive so he couldn't be blamed for starting a fight.

"I don't take advice from fags, P'Mew, I'm sorry." The young actor smiled condescendingly. Mew heard Gulf gasped. Mew wished he could have protected him from facing this kind of free hate speech. 

But the younger looked lost like he couldn't grasp the situation. Like something wasn't adding up for him. 

"But you play in Y series though..." he murmured lowly. It wasn't mean to be a question but Mean answered it anyway. 

"And it disgusts me to no end but it pays well and the fame is easy." Mew was a bit baffled by the way Mean could vomit such disgusting words and still look composed. His whole body was itching to punch, to hurt, to destroy. He wouldn't. "Fans are dumb, you just have to pretend and they'll fall for it. I'll stop playing in those stupid Y series once I have enough fans and can make it to normal Lakorn." 

"Maybe you should be a decent actor before thinking about doing Lakorns." The slight shake in Mean's eyes was satisfying enough for Mew. He could feel his whole body filling with something dark, something dirty. He wasn't a violent person but he had limits like everyone. Limits other people shouldn't cross. They'd get hurt. 

"And who are you to talk? You're so desperate to be famous that it's your second fags series." 

"But I'm queer! I don't do Y series because of fame, but only because the characters talk to me." It wasn't a secret. Most people chose to ignore it but if anyone was interested enough in him, they'd know. 

"P'Mew?" Mew turned his head toward Gulf, the boy looked close to explode, his cheeks red and his fists tight on his thighs. "How much trouble would we be in if I punched him right now?" His serious expression scared Mew for a second, he urgently wrapped his arm around Gulf's waist. He wouldn't let his Nong get into a fight because of some asshole. 

"You think you could punch me, P'Gulf?" He laughed wholeheartedly. "Please, do it, I never fought with a fag before." 

"Don't, Gulf." Mew restrained him as Gulf was going to stand up. His heart was beating rapidly. He didn't know how far this could go and it was scaring him. 

"Let me go, Phi!" 

"No, stay put." 

As Gulf stopped struggling, Mew let out a deep breath. Can this day turn any worse? 

"That's a good boy," Mean smirked at Gulf. "Are you P'Mew's little boy toy? Is that why you get all upset?" 

"Stop talking about Gulf like that or I swear I'll be the one punching you. Curse me all you want but don't talk about him." If Mew could bear with insults and narrowed-minded bullshit, insulting Gulf was off-limit. His own fists were clenched and his whole body was buzzing. But he wasn't going to risk his career for this shithead. 

"Why are you defending him?" Mean gestured his head toward Gulf. "Aren't you supposed to be bi or something?"

And?

"What if I am?" 

"Then you have at least a chance to go back to reason and have a decent life, with a normal woman. Not with a little freak boy." Mew could see right through the actor, his teasing smirk and playful tone. He was trying to make them slip up. Asshole. Fucking asshole. His lion was roaring. It wanted to break free and tear his face apart. "You can't tell me you'd chose him over a beautiful, successful woman." 

Of course, he would. He loved him. Prick. 

"Of course, I'd chose him. I'd chose him over anyone." 

Maybe it was a bit too much. He saw how his words startled Gulf. He barely just told Gulf he liked him and suddenly he was making big promises to a literal stranger. 

"You say that now, but wait and you'll lose interest." His smile was almost compassionate. So fucking disturbing. "People of your kind can't be satisfied with only one partner. I'm sure you're fucking others on the side." 

"I'm not. Yai Nong, let's go." He was going to stand up, pulling Gulf with him, but the boy was staring Mean down, his eyes telling a hundred stories of how much he wanted to rip him apart.

"What? You can look me in the eye and tell me you don't have half a dozen fuckboys like him waiting for you?" It looked like that fucker wasn't done playing with them. 

The words went straight to Gulf's head, his Nong whipping his head toward him, offended at the mere thought anyone could take his place. 

"P'Mew! What-" 

"I'm glad you find me so attractive that you think I could have a wagon of people waiting for me, I'm flattered." He wasn't. "But actually, no. I don't. And I don't need to be wanted by tenths of people to be happy. I just need one person. And one person only. " 

Mew didn't know what he was trying to prove. Why he was trying to justify himself. Nothing would make the man change his mind. He was fighting the wind. It was useless. If anything he was trying to show Gulf he had nothing to be worried about. But the younger tried to remove his arm still around his waist, his body leaning over the table like he wanted to grab the actor's head and bash it on the table. He tightened it. Not now. Not ever. 

"P'Mew, let me go." He struggled once more, his nails digging into Mew's wrist. The sudden pain forced Mew to let go and the boy immediately went for Mean's collar over the table. 

"Shut the fuck up, asshole. You don't know anything." His voice was loud and it wouldn't be long before the noise would attract people's attention. 

"Don't be upset P'Gulf, I'm saying this for your own good. You'll only end up broken-hearted when your P'Mew will dump your ass for a tighter one." His voice grew more and more strangled as Gulf was the tightening his hold on his collar. 

Mew tried to grab Gulf's arm to pull him of Mean but his hold was strong and for once he wasn't playing weak to allow Mew to manhandle him. His boy was keeping his ground and wouldn't budge. 

"Gulf, please let go." He pleaded. It was his last option. His anger was leaving, replaced by fear and concern for his lover. "Baby, please. Listen to me. Let go." 

"Listen to him P'Gulf. You can't punch me, not here not now." Mean wasn't even struggling, so sure of himself that Gulf wouldn't dare to own up to his words. "You know, I saw your mom earli-"

"Don't talk about my mom, fucker." And he shook Mean with each word. 

"Oh~ but she's a nice woman. What would she think if she learned her son is a fag?"

"Don't-" 

"She would be so disappointed in you, P'Gulf."

Mew was now convinced the man was only trying to make Gulf snapped. It wasn't making any sense, his words were just formed so it could get anger Gulf more, and more and more. 

He watched as Gulf unclenched his hand from his opponent's shirt and he took the opportunity to catch the hand before Gulf would wrap it around the actor's neck. Once he secured his grip on Gulf, he pulled him against his chest and forced him to take a few steps back.

"Gulf, stop, please." He could feel his erratic heartbeat through his back. He wouldn't let his boy get into a fight. They didn't deserve the hate, and they surely didn't deserve to be blamed for breaking an actor's nose. 

"Let me go, I'll kill him." He struggled and grasped at Mew's arms around his middle. 

"P'Mew? P'Gulf? P'Mean?" The three of them turned toward the voice. Saint was standing there, looking lost, clearly not understanding what was happening. "Is everything ok?" 

"Yes," Mean answered. "I was going to go fetch myself some food, I'll see you guys later." He smiled at them before straightening his shirt and walking toward the rest area. Asshole. 

Gulf had stopped fighting him and Mew was slowly releasing his tight grip on him.

"P'Gulf? Why are you so red? Did something happened?" 

"Nothing happened. I'm going to the restroom."

"Wait for-" Mew tried to reach for his hand but the younger slapped it away. It was probably more painful for Mew than any of the bullshit that came out of Mean's mouth. If his blood had been boiling hot, it suddenly turned ice cold. He was freezing from the inside. 

"Gulf, wait for Phi." The man said while trying to catch his hand once again. 

"Don't touch me Phi." 

No. Please. Not that. Anything but that. Mew was sinking. He wouldn't be able to bear with that. In his stunned state, he let Gulf walked away from him. He was trying to move to follow him but his legs were rooted on the ground. 

"P'Mew?" The man barely registered Saint's voice. He needed to follow Gulf. Right now.  

"Saint I..." Mew was at a loss for words. "I don't know what just happened, I'm sorry. I'm going to try and talk to him."

"Of course Phi, good luck" 

Mew walked in the same direction he saw Gulf leave. He wandered around the set for some time. He saw Mean laughing with some staff as if nothing had happened. Like he hadn't just insulted them. A voice coming from behind him called him. A staff member pointed to a building with his index. Gulf was there. He sprinted to the Engineering Building. Once inside, he hadn't had many possibilities. There wasn't a lot of places an actor could go to vent their anger. He made his way to the restroom. 

Someone was crying. 

Gulf was crying. 

Mew barged in, slamming the door on the wall and his heart broke. He saw the boy, the man he loved so much sitting against a wall, his face covered with tears. 

"Nong?" 

Nothing. 

"Yai Nong! Why are you crying?" He quickly took the step separating him from the boy and dropped on his knees beside him. His hand wanted to reach for his face but he wasn't sure he was allowed to do that. Gulf's harsh reaction to his touch still fresh in his mind. 

Gulf didn't answer but he heard him. He shook his head lightly, to tell him to leave. He wasn't going to. As if Mew could do something like that. 

"Baby? Why are you crying?" No answer. "Please, answer Phi. Are you hurt?" Still no answer. "Can Phi touch you?" 

He waited. 

He waited so fucking long. 

And Gulf was hyperventilating. He was crying and trembling and he finally nodded. Thank God. 

He gathered him in his arms, held him close to him, hugged him as tightly as he could. His ears were only filled with Gulf's silent cries, his eyes were only seeing Gulf's tears, his nose was only smelling Gulf's distress. He was saturated with everything that was Gulf. 

He waited here for as long as it took for Gulf to stop crying. 

"Are you ok, Baby?" It was a bit disconcerting for Mew to see Gulf like that. His Nong had been close to break Mean's face and now he was crying his heart out. "Nong? Talk to me, please?" 

Gulf angrily wiped off his tears and shook his head. 

"I'm ok. I'm good." His voice was hoarse from crying but Mew was relieved he at least talked. "I'm so angry, Phi, so mad I could go crazy. I hate him!" 

"Are you hurt?" 

"No, I'm crying because... because I'm so mad and I can't break something or I'll get scold and I can't hurt him because then I would be in so much trouble and I can't... I can't... I can't breathe because I'm so fucking angry, Phi.." 

If Mew was temperamental and hot-headed, he had nothing on Gulf. His co-star was just as much hot-headed. His anger could easily overwhelm him and keep him trapped inside his head, without a way out. Mew decided it was best to not fuel his rage and instead tried to comfort him, to calm him down. He needed to vent but he couldn't afford to get angrier. 

"I know, Baby. I know."

"The way he talked about us Phi, I wanted to punch him so badly, P'Mew I really wanted to, to protect you but I couldn't because what if they fired me?" The older man sop breathing for a second, a wave of affection crashing through his body. Gulf wanted to protect him. He was blaming himself for not punching the asshole because he wanted to protect Mew. 

"No, don't be sorry Gulf." Mew ran a hand in his boy's hair, bringing his head against his chest. "Of course, you couldn't punch him." Mew was feeling equally guilty. He had failed at the only thing that was expected of him. "I'm so sorry too, Baby. I wished I could have done more to protect you. I wanted to tear him apart so badly. But it wouldn't have solved anything. He is the one with a problem. Not us, ok?" 

"Yes, we're not." Gulf looked conflicted for a second, his eyes flickering around the room, and "We don't have a problem because we aren't in a relationship, right Phi?" 

What...? 

"We just fuck. So everything he said isn't true anyway." Gulf's voice was loud and ringing in Mew's ears. "I'm not going to be brokenhearted if you find someone else." Then the voice became muffled like his brain was muted it. To save himself. "And my mom won't be disappointed in me since we're not boyfriends, right?" 

What...? 

No... 

"But Gulf... you said..." The words wouldn't come out. They were stuck down his throat. 

"I know what I said but see Phi, it's good like that. Being sex-friends is for the best. We don't have any expectations and we can't hurt each other." Everything sounded wrong. It couldn't be... No. 

"Gulf, please don't do that." 

"I'm not doing anything Phi. It doesn't change anything right? You said it wouldn't change anything." 

"I wasn't thinking ab-" 

"Phi said it. It wouldn't change anything. So we can stay like that. We don't need a label right? It's good like that already. I like Phi, Phi likes me, we sleep together, it's already good. Let's not complicate it." 

"Nong, please..." 

Please.

"I can still hang out with you Phi, it doesn't change anything." But it changed everything in Mew's heart. His boyfriend of 1 hour just retrograded himself to sex-friend once again and Mew didn't know why.  

Maybe... Maybe Gulf simply needed some time to process what had happened and move on. He could give him space. Let him breathe. And they'd talk again. Later. It wasn't over. 

It wasn't over, not until Gulf would say he was done with him. It wasn't over. It wasn't over. 

They'd talk later. 

Yes. Good. That was ok. Ok. 

"Ok, Yai Nong, let's just... let's talk again later, ok?" 

Gulf didn't answer. Mew's heart broke. Shattered. 

It wasn't over.

They'd talk later. 

"We should go back on set. I think we have a scene later right? We should prepare." The younger was already standing up, dusting his pants, carefully avoiding looking at Mew. 

"You're right. Let's go practice." 

As they made their way to the door, Mew grabbed Gulf's hand, holding him back a little longer. He had to try. 

"Do you still want to come over tonight? At my condo? We could watch a movie or something." 

"Not really, no." Gulf wasn't looking at him, his gaze fixed on a spot above Mew's shoulder. 

He could still hear Gulf's words echoing in his mind 'It wouldn't change anything.' 

So why was it changing everything already? 

"Oh... ok." So Gulf really was slipping through his hands. "Can I kiss you?" Mew watched as a multitude of emotions crossed his beautiful yet puffy face. 

Please. 

"Yes. Ok." 

Mew leaned down, slowly, he put his lips on Gulf's lips, with every once of gentleness he could muster. Their mouths opened slowly, tongues timidly searching for each other. It was soft and sad.

Gulf pulled away too soon. But Mew let him go. He silently grabbed his hand and they made their way to the set. 

Today was the worst day ever. Mew was almost convinced he just lost the boy he loved so much. Even if nothing was supposed to change, Mew knew that whatever progress Gulf had made the last few days, it had been shattered by someone else stupidity. 

 


 

29th August - 19h59 - Last day of filming, TharnType Set, Bangkok

Gulf was overwhelmed. 

Today was the last time he got to act out as Type. He didn't know exactly why he was feeling so sad but he suspected that Type didn't want to go. Type wanted to stay with Tharn, forever. He didn't want to disappear, to stop existing. Gulf was trying really hard to convince him he needed his body back, but the fictional football player didn't want to listen. He was gripping hard on Gulf's soul, not letting go. 

While Type was grasping at him, Gulf was clinging at Mew. He couldn't leave the man's side, not even for a few minutes. As if the man was his only anchor to this universe. As if he would drown and merged with Type without him. They had hugged for a really long time after the director had yelled the last 'cut' of the day. Of the series. They had stayed in each other arms. Gulf had been silent all along, while Mew had whispered words of praise, of encouragement. Telling him how proud he was of Gulf, how far he had gone, how amazing he was. Gulf had wanted to give each compliment back but he had been in a daze, the words barely registering in his brain. It had been soothing and painful at the same time. There were too many colliding emotions inside of him. He couldn't untangle them enough for him to know which ones belonged to him and which ones were Type's. 

They had been forced to end their hug before Gulf could have been sufficiently appeased. A staff member thrusting her phone in their face, filming them, had pushed them to part, tired of being in the lense of the camera for today. They had had to let go. But Gulf didn't go far. He trailed behind Mew and followed the man when he went to thank every single person who worked with them for the past six months. Gulf had contented himself with nodding and smiling lightly at them. He didn't have the strength to do more than that. 

Finally, Mew seemed to be done thanking everyone. Gulf followed him to an empty resting area. Mew closed the door behind them, a deep sigh escaping him as he slouched himself against the door. Gulf stayed a few feet away. He wanted to be in Mew's arms but he couldn't. He shouldn't indulge himself. Not anymore. The past two weeks had been unsettling. Gulf knew it was his own fault. He had distanced himself from Mew. Emotionally at least. They still saw each other often at night. They still fucked, they still went on not-dates, they still laughed and played together. But Gulf was carefully keeping his feeling at arm's length. His Phi could be his special person but he couldn't be too special. 

Mew had looked hurt at first. 

 

Flashback

"Are you ready to talk about it again, Yai Nong?" Mew said the night after the altercation. Both had gone home each on their own. Mew had tried to ask Gulf to come to his condo just before leaving the set but Gulf had thought it would be better to go to his own condo to sulk and mop around all night. Still, Mew had made sure to call him before going to sleep. Like the always caring Phi, he was. And it was making Gulf feel even worse. 

"It isn't about being ready or not, P'Mew. I made my decision, I don't want to be boyfriends or a couple or whatever. We're good already." 

Gulf could clearly see the hurt storming his Phi's eyes. He knew how unfair he was being. But... he wasn't doing it on purpose. He swore it. Mean's harsh words had resonated in his head all day, he had successfully mess with his brain. His jealous heart was hurting at the thought of Mew's getting bored of him, his filial soul was hurting at the thought of disappointed his mom. He was too upset, too scared, too overwhelmed for him to think rationally. Everything had gone too fast. The only thing he could think about at that moment was how everything had been perfect barely two hours earlier. He had wanted to go back to that time when everything was good with his Phi, uncomplicated. Easy. 

Mew looked at him in the eye through his screen, his features tense. He was hurting. 

"What if..." He paused. As if he couldn't bring himself to say the words. "What if Phi doesn't want to stay sex-friends?" 

Gulf had thought about that possibility. He was oblivious sometimes but he wasn't stupid. He had thought about it and in his desperate attempt to keep his Phi close to him, he had found the only way to make sure Mew wasn't going to leave. 

"Then, Phi doesn't like me that much." He knew he could have threatened to sleep with someone else but Gulf wasn't that cruel. Not now. Not now that he knew Mew's possessivity was taking hold in his fondness for him, his love even maybe. Gulf wasn't that cruel. But he was desperate enough to push Mew in the direction he seemed fit. The idea of reducing their relationship to a simple friendship wasn't an option. 

"You know that not true, Nong." Mew's voice grew louder at that moment and offense was taking over his hurt. 

"Then... P'Mew, please, can we stay like that?" And because he knew he should give him something, "I promise it won't change anything." 

"Being a couple changes everything Gulf! You can't just tell me that nothing will change because that's not true." 

"What difference would it make?" 

"Nong, I swear sometimes you're really insensitive." He was. He knew he was. But what else could he do?  

"I know. I'm sorry, I'm trying to find a solution where would be both happy, so tell me, go on, tell me what would change." 

"Exclusivity." 

"We are, already." 

"Dates." 

"We go on dates, already." Even if it had burned Gulf's pride, he had to admit that he agreed to go on so many dates that were supposed to not be dates that they clearly could consider them dates. 

"Support." 

"Again, we always support each other. See! It doesn't change anything!" 

"If it doesn't change anything then why the hell are you against being a couple?" 

"I don't want it to be complicated." In case Mew indeed got bored, Gulf wouldn't hold him back that way, his heart wouldn't break over something that never existed and his mom didn't have to know about them. 

"You're the one making it so complicated Gulf."

"Come on, Phi. Let's forget about it ok? For me, please?" He had resorted to the old puppy eyes trick. He hadn't been proud of it but it worked. Mew had dropped the subject and they had moved on to rehearsing their script for the next filming day. 

End of flashback

 

Then he had looked sad. 

 

Flashback

They had been laying down, exhausted and content after Mew had fucked his brain out on his couch. Gulf had laid his head down Mew's chest until he had managed to get his breathing under control. He was relishing Mew's caresses on his head when his phone pinged. He grabbed it from the ground and opened the text message Tai had sent him. 

"Phi, my friend is asking if we are up for a game?" 

"Sure, tell him to give us 10mn so we can shower, you still have cum all over your thighs." Mew laughed lightly. 

They had showered. In twenty minutes because Mew hadn't been able to keep his hands from his ass and then they had settled down in front of the bed, back against the mattress, phones in hand, and a bowl of chips beside Gulf. Mew had thrown his leg over Gulf's one. As if it wasn't hot enough. 

"Is your boyfriend with you?" Tai's voice could be heard through his phone.

"Not my boyfriend," The younger sighed. "But yes P'Mew is here. He can hear you." 

"Hello P'Mew, how are you? Your boyfriend never wants to admit you two are together." Came the exclamation, a mixture of annoyance and playfulness. 

"We're not together." His voice was even, a slight hint of laughter lacing it, but his friend wasn't able to see Mew's face. Gulf was. He was looking down at his phone, fiddling it in his hand. His shoulders dropped and his back hunched forward. Gulf knew what it meant. And he was sorry. Really. 

End of flashback 

 

Then he had been distant... and sulking. 

 

Flashback

"P'Mew, coming to mine tonight?" He asked while waiting for Mew to gather his school's papers he had spread around in the resting area. 

"No. I'm busy." The older man answered, not sparing Gulf a glance. 

"Oh... ok." He was disappointed but his Phi must be crazy busy with his thesis. 

"What about tomorrow? We could go out and get some street food?" 

"Hmm, don't feel like going out." That was... weird. Mew rarely refused to go spend time with him. 

"Are you sulking?" 

"No."

"Then why Phi doesn't want to hang out with me? 

"I'm not your boyfriend, I don't have to spend all my time with you." And he left, slamming the door on his way out. 

Gulf stayed stunned, unmoving. What the... 

Mew had called him that same night. Apologizing and asking Gulf to forget about everything he said. He had been tired and snapped at him for no reason. 

But Gulf knew better. 

End of flashback


Then he had been back to normal. Spoiling Gulf and taking care of him as if nothing had happened. 

Mew had told him he would give him time to understand what he was feeling, to process what had happened two weeks ago. But Gulf hadn't been able to do it. He hadn't processed anything. He was still hurt and confused and his mind was still a fucking mess. 

"How are you feeling?"

"I feel weird inside, Phi." 

"It's normal, Yai Nong. You spend a lot of time sharing your body with Type, he has been a part of you for months, he probably doesn't want to go." Mew laughed lightly as if Gulf wasn't drowning inside his own head. Like his lungs weren't filling with water, choking him. "He will go away soon, don't worry about it." 

Gulf wasn't worrying. Type might be the last of his problems right now. But it was a good enough cover for now. 

"He will miss Tharn so much, I'm sad for him." 

"I know. Type will miss Tharn but Phi will have his Nong back, right?" 

"I guess..." If Gulf finally managed to untangle himself from Type...

They fell silent, Mew was watching him closely from his position against the door. Gulf wasn't sure what to do with himself. He felt restless inside and it showed with the way he was pacing around the room. He was suffocating. 

"Do you want to sit with me for a bit?" Mew gestured at the couch in the resting room, already walking to it. 

Once seated on the couch, Mew opened his arms and Gulf tried to not rush into them but he failed. His body crashed into Mew, his own arms circling Mew's waist, head buried in the older's neck. Finally. He could breathe. His Phi embraced him tightly, his right hand caressing the skin of his back in his usual soothing way. He felt a kiss on the top of his head, and he let out a low whine in response. Again. Please... But Mew didn't. 

"Can you talk to Phi, Yai Nong?"

Gulf shook his head no. He didn't want to talk, he didn't want to explain how his weird brain was fucking him up. He didn't want to think about anything. He was done thinking. He was done trying to make things make sense. He was done. 

"Nong," He forced Gulf's head up with a hand on his chin. "You have to talk. I can't read your mind. And... I know something is wrong."

Gulf stayed silent, watching as Mew's face started to crumble, his eyes shrouding with a stormy sadness.

Ok. He could try. 

"I... I'm confused and I'm a bit..." Scared? Afraid? Terrified? "... worried about the after."  

"After what?"

"Now that we are done filming, a lot of things will change, I don't really like changes. It's annoying." 

Mew placed both of his hands on Gulf's cheeks, holding him in front of him so Gulf wouldn't be able to divert his gaze. He lost himself in his Phi's eyes for a minute. He was so fucking beautiful.

"It won't be that different you know. We can still see each other as much as we want, we will have a lot of work together too. Promotions to start, and then if the series does well, we will have endorsements and projects we'll do together." His voice was reassuring. Gulf really wanted to believe him. But he knew better. 

"But Phi will be busy right? You have your thesis to hand out soon. You won't have time for me." 

"I'll always have time for you, you know that." 

But Gulf didn't know. Gulf was waiting for Mew to get bored of him. Now that they wouldn't be together everyday Mew could fall in love with someone else. A boy or a girl. How was Gulf supposed to compete with a fucking girl? Mean's words were still echoing in his ears. Mew would get bored of him, he could find anyone. Anyone would be better than Gulf who was incapable of being forward with his feelings, who was behaving like a child half of the time, who was making Mew do all the work in their relationship. Someone who wouldn't hide him, who wouldn't force him to be in a relationship he didn't even want. 

What if Mew really found someone else? Even by accident? Gulf could remember how he felt when he saw him close to Saint. Something ugly had filled his body, clouded his brain until there was nothing left but an obsessive thought that Mew was his and that he needed to claim him. Gulf had hated that. Hated feeling like that. He didn't want to feel like that ever again. He wanted Mew to leave him alone but he also wanted him to never let him go. He wanted to have him but he also wanted his feelings to disappear. It would be so much easier. He wasn't cut out for complicated, he couldn't deal with it. 

"Gulf, look at me." 

He resisted. 

He tried to at least.

Before giving in.

Mew's soft voice and gentle words would always win. 

"You can pretend all you want but you know, right? That Phi won't let you go. That you are the most important to me." 

Maybe. Maybe not. He still nodded. 

"I'll wait for you, Nong." He stroke his cheek with his thumb, his slightly cold ring sending a little shiver down Glulf's neck. "I'll wait for you to be ready to acknowledge that what we have... what we feel... is real." 

What if... Gulf was never ready? Gulf was tired of 'what ifs', tired of not being able to be forward. Where were his braveness and bluntness when it was actually necessary? 

He was so fucking scared. Hell, he was terrified. 

But...

Maybe it wasn't real.

Maybe nothing was real. Maybe all his anxiety was Type's. Yes, that could be that right? It was all Type. Type who didn't want to let go of his great love, Type who didn't want to cease to exist. It was Type who was terrified. Not Gulf. 

Gulf wasn't afraid. Gulf wasn't scared of losing Mew because his Phi wouldn't leave. Mew would wait for him to get his shit together. They could stay together like that. They didn't need labels, they didn't need to tell anyone, especially not Gulf's parents. Nothing had to change. The past week showed him that. Mew had been ok, Gulf had been ok. They had been good together. And even if Mew looked like he'd give anything for them to be more, the older man seemed to be satisfied just knowing Gulf liked him. It was enough for now, Gulf could worry about the rest later when he wouldn't have a choice anymore. 

For now, he could let Type go. Type would go with Tharn and they could live happily ever after and Gulf could go back to Mew and they could move on with their life. As a team. As friends and... more than friends. 

"Gulf?"

His Phi's voice startled him, he had been so deep in his thought he had forgotten his surroundings. 

"P'Mew," He took both of the hands still resting on his cheeks in his, and maybe it gave them a bit of a dramatic vibe but it suited them after all. Between one who was dramatic on a daily basis and one who couldn't think for more than two minutes without questioning his whole life, it seemed fitting. "I think Type is finally going away."

"That's great, Yai Nong. How are you feeling?" Concerned was still lacing his voice but his Phi looked more relaxed already. 

"I'm not sure. I think I was mixing my feelings and Type's feelings but now that he is gone, probably fucking with Tharn if you want my opinion, I feel better." 

"I'm glad to have my Yai Nong back." Mew beamed at him. "Type really has been a pain in the ass from start to finish." 

"Hey! Don't speak badly of Type, Phi. He is nice, he is just shy." He let go of his Phi's hands to lightly hit him on the arm. 

"And hot-headed." Mew added while raising an eyebrow. 

"And hot-headed." 

Gulf could admit that. 

Just like him. 

Fucking hot-headed men with the emotional intelligence of a 5 years old. 

They were lucky to have found men who could love enough for them both. 

After everything that happened today, all the emotional turmoil he'd been through, Gulf didn't want to leave his Phi's side. Maybe he could-

"Can I come tonight?" 

"What do you want to do?" Mew asked as he pulled Gulf by his side, resting his cheek on top of Gulf's head. 

"I guess we could watch that movie you were talking about yesterday? And we could order some take-out." 

"Don't tell me, you want..." 

"Pad ka prao." They both laughed at their synchronicity and Gulf felt relief washed over him, taking all his worries away with it. Good. That was good. 

"Ok, if you want. Phi has to take one or two hours to read some papers but then I'll be all yours." 

"Great." Gulf beamed at him. He knew one thing that could completely dissolve his anxiety though... "Now, kiss." 

He swiftly twisted into Mew's arms and straddled his lap. His hands immediately reaching for his Phi's neck and hair. He laughed at Mew's startled cry but soon enough he muffled it with his mouth on the older's one. He felt a hand gripping his ass hard and another one closing around his throat. He moaned loudly. Yes. This would definitely make him feel better. 

Gulf could worry about the rest later when he wouldn't have a choice anymore. He didn't need to think. Maybe if he ignored his problems long enough they would go away on their own. It had always worked before. It might work again. It had to.