I leaned back against the door and watched as he took the room in. We didn’t need to talk as he made peace with everything. He was worried that getting his memories back would change who he was, or that he wouldn’t like who he had been, he’d told me as much himself.
There was nothing about him that had changed when he lost his memories. He was still a terrible cook. He was still slow to love, but once he came around to it, he loved more fiercely than anyone I had ever met. He was still just, Robbie. Whether or not he knew it, I did. I knew enough for the both of us.
He stood straighter when he made his decision, I saw the moment he decided on his face. As scared as he was, he needed to know. Not for me or for the pack, but for himself.
I’ve been naked in front of him thousands of times, even in the fast few months, but I still got a chill as he looked over my body. Something in the air changed, I wasn’t naked from my shift anymore; I was naked in front of my mate for a purpose. The moon called to us both, begging us to shift and run with our pack, but I didn’t want to be anywhere else at this moment.
Robbie looked me over slowly, pausing to stare at his mark on my neck. His mouth quirked as he stood a little taller still. Cocky boy. Two could play at that game.
“Like what you see?” I asked, fully knowing he did, I could smell it on him now.
“More than you know,” he answered. I waited for him to make the first move, not knowing what he wanted to do tonight. This wasn’t my first time with him, it was probably the seventh or eight if we had kept count. But I was well aware that for him, this was our first time. “Are you… okay with this? I know sex isn’t—”
It took me a second to find my voice, otherwise, I would have cut him off sooner. “Asexual people have sex.”
“I know. But I don’t want to force you to do something you don’t want to do. I need you to be okay. That’s more important.”
Those words echoed through my mind as I pushed off the door and walked toward him. “Strange.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. Oh Robbie, how could you ever think you’d changed? “You said the same thing to me the first time we had sex. That you were worried you were making me do something I didn’t want to do. I loved you for it then, and I love you for it now.”
“Oh.” His cheeks turned a beautiful pink as he scratched the back of his neck. “I guess some things don’t change.”
“I guess they don’t.” Silly boy, I had been telling him that for months, and yet he’d only just realized it.
I took another step toward him, crowding him against the bed. He took a matching step back, knees hitting the edge of the mattress. He sat down, putting some separation between us.
As much as I wanted to press my body against his, remind him he is loved no matter what, and by none more so than me, I needed to take this at his pace. He’d asked me before, many times, every time we had sex and a few times when we weren’t, if I was really okay with sex. He asked what I got out of it once, and it took me a while to think of an answer that would satisfy him. I told him I don’t care if I cum or if he does, or if we end up aborting the mission halfway through because we can’t stop laughing. That had been my favorite night, the one that started because we were both high on the full moon, but ended up going nowhere because his stubble ticked my thigh, and every time we tried to continue we both started laughing. We had ended up laying together naked in the moonlight, laughing like children until we’d fallen asleep. I had had sex with him the first time, I wanted to have sex with him every time since, because it offered an intimacy, unlike anything I’ve ever felt.
The sex itself felt nice, it really did, but the emotions that came with it mattered more. The swell of love when we lay together, knowing he’s the only person I’ve ever felt that with, knowing he’s had sex with other people, but he’d never felt this connection before. That’s what it was all about. That’s why I came back to his bed every time he asked. That’s why I’d even initiated it a time or two.
He looked me over as I stood in front of him, taking in everything as if he had never seen me before. The funny thing was, he probably hadn’t. Robbie was respectful like that, never looking or taking from someone unless he knew it was okay. The scent of arousal filled the air, getting stronger the more he looked, but he made no move to do anything about it. Some things don’t change. I should have known he wasn’t going to make the first move, he hadn’t last time either.
I lifted his shirt up, guiding it over his new muscles. Every inch of his body was bulkier than it had been before, I wanted nothing more than to relearn it until I knew him better than I knew myself. I let the shirt fall to the floor.
I put my hand on his chest, over his heart, and pushed him down onto the bed. He sucked in a breath and stared up at me, waiting. I crawled on top of him, knees bracketing his hips, hands bracketing his head. Now was not the time for teasing, I wanted to make him work for it, to have a little fun with him, but I knew if I showed any resistance right now he’d put an end to the whole event. Next time I’d tease him for an hour or two, make him work for it until he begged me enough to satisfy my need to be amused.
I leaned down and kissed him, pushing as much emotion into it as I could. It was long and slow. He needed it to be. When he didn’t react as much as I wanted him to I licked his lips. Finally, he brought his hand up to my neck and held me in place, kissing me back.
I opened my eyes as they flashed orange and hummed. His eyes opened slowly and he looked at me in awe.
“You’ll see it,” he whispered. “Aileen said you’ll see it all when I do. You’ll see everything.”
“I know.” I kissed him.
And then I kissed him again and again.
I didn’t know who needed the reassurance more, me or him, but it didn’t matter. We were in this together, just as we had been since the day he bit my neck and I bit his. Mates.
There was nothing left to do, he was hard and I was running out of ways to stall. As much as I wanted him to remember our love and our life, I hated that he had to go through the pain of remembering all the things he was forced to do to get the good memories back.
His hands moved from my head to the blanket as I kissed down his chest. I wasn’t trying to work him up, he was already there, instead, I was trying to comfort him. Judging by the look on his face it was working. As I continued to kiss down his chest I moved my hand to his fly and slowly undid the zipper. I made eye contact with him before I moved any further, checking in silently.
He was aroused, it came off him in waves stronger than it had since before he’d been taken, but more so he was at peace with his decision, at peace with me. That was why I was okay having sex with him, this time and every time. It wasn’t about getting off, it wasn’t about the arousal of it all. It was about this peace we could bring each other, how our love could build us up, make us more as a whole than we were apart.
I eased my hand into his pants and held him. He closed his eyes, never rushing me, simply enjoying the moment. I knew that if I stopped right now he’d be satisfied with what we had done tonight. He wouldn’t get upset or beg for more. He wouldn’t run off to the bathroom and take matters into his own hands. He would thank me and kiss my cheek and whisper his love in my ear until we fell asleep together.
His eyes opened as I kissed my way down to his waistband, he expected me to take him into his mouth. I knew because his breath caught and his heart stuttered. I knew because I knew him. Instead, I pulled my hand out and licked it while maintaining eye contact, that was all the teasing he could handle this time, the rest would have to wait. His mouth popped open in a silent gasp as I slid my hand back into his pants and stroked him.
He was hot and heavy in my hand and I never thought I would miss this as much as I had. Getting to make him feel good, pulling every little reaction out of him made my heart swell. The joy of being with him now, making him feel good now, was dampened by the ache in my chest at having lost him for so long.
From the first time I saw him, I knew he was special. From the first time, he brought me crackers, I knew he was mine. From the first time, he kissed every inch of my face he could reach, I knew this was forever.
I needed him to know it too. I wanted him to remember so badly my heart hurt, but it had to be his decision. And if he decided not to right now, if he decided to stop right now, I’d be okay with that. Any Robbie was better than none. We’d already started building our relationship again, I could forget what once was and enjoy the present, though I doubted the ache in my chest would ever fade away completely.
“Kelly,” he whispered as I squeezed him just a little bit tighter. “Kelly.”
I rubbed my nose over his stomach, speaking with my lips against his skin. “Robbie.”
He growled on the back of his throat, possessive over me. If you had asked me before I’d met him, I would have said wolves were stupidly possessive of their mates and I would never be like that.
Now that sound made me happier than I had been since the day we brought Robbie home.
With one last kiss to his chest, I pulled my hand out of his pants. He responded with a low whine that ended as soon as he realized I was only doing it so I could get him naked. Finally, he decided to help me. He kicked off his pants and pulled me down to him. He stopped there though, letting me take the lead again. I brought my hand to my mouth and licked it again just to see the way his eyes widened, then I continued what I had been doing. My body was pressed against his side, yet all I wanted was more contact with him. I ran my nose along his jaw until he turned to look me in the eye. His eyes fluttered shut as I twisted my wrist in the way he loved and I kissed him. He gasped into the kiss. It turned sloppy as he smiled.
He whined into my mouth as I removed my hand from him, but he didn’t break the kiss. It was my turn to smile. The way he trusted me to make him feel good, to know what we both needed, brought me more joy than he would ever know.
I blindly dug through the bedside table until I found what I was looking for and then I flopped down on my back next to him. Robbie looked concerned for a moment, but he lit up when I smiled at him. He followed my mouth, leaning over me supporting himself with a hand next to my head, and then we were kissing again.
I pressed the bottle from the nightstand into his hand and he looked at me like he was scandalized. I laughed at him, how could I not? There was no one else on earth who would be surprised to be handed a bottle of lube while in the middle of having sex. I wrapped my hand around his neck and pulled him down for another kiss.
He gained confidence as he prepped me, by the time he pushed into me he was ready to take control. His pupils were blown wide and he was covered in a sheen of sweat. We matched perfectly, as I mirrored him. My legs were over his shoulders as every thrust of his hips brought us closer together. There was no way I was going to cum, not with the amount of pressure resting on tonight, but I didn’t care and I hoped he didn’t either. He never had before. This was about being as close as physically possible and making each other feel good after so long apart, not about getting off. I could get off by myself, we both could, but I could never make myself feel the way he made me feel.
And god did I feel good. My heart could barely contain everything I was feeling at this moment.
I whispered his name and it fueled him. He sped up, and I knew he was close.
“Use the memory of my fangs in your skin.” I pushed myself up on my arms, letting my fangs drop down, and then I bit him perfectly matching my mark on his neck.
And he came.
And he fell into a hole of memories I could not save him from.
And he remembered everything that was taken from him.
And my chest ached more than it ever had before.
And all I could do was watch.
I held him as tight as I could, rolling over so we were tangled together laying on our sides.
It took longer than I ever thought it would. The moon was fading in the sky, yet it still shone through the trees outside the window.
Ox was nearby, hovering. He hadn’t been at the beginning, but after a few hours, he came near and never left. I wanted to pace the room or switch off with him and run through the trees, just to get this nervous energy out, but I couldn’t. I wouldn’t leave Robbie, not when he needed me most, not ever.
I saw the memories too, just like Robbie said I would, but they weren’t mine. The feeling wasn’t there, not like it would be for Robbie. I couldn’t cry, I had to stay strong for him.
But I couldn’t keep the tears away as I watched him fall in love with me, slowly, over many months. When he got to the memories of being controlled, I steeled myself off. He would come back to me soon and I needed to be strong. I needed to be stronger than I ever had been in my life.
He broke as soon as he looked at me.
And I wasn’t enough.
I called for Ox, and our Alpha carried Robbie to the big house, holding him together when I couldn’t.
I wasn’t enough.
And then Ox wasn’t enough,
Pack, pack, pack was enough.
I watched as pack put him back together.
Eventually, the tears stopped.
Eventually, his heart slowed.
Eventually, his breathing evened out.
And then he was looking at me with the biggest, brightest eyes I had ever seen. There was no way for me to hide my worry from my face, he caught it the second he looked at me.
His hand cradled my face. “I see you.”
My heart. I don’t know how I managed not to cry, but I did. “You do?”
“You remember?” I knew he did, I had seen it all with him, but I needed to know. I needed to know that he remembered me. Us. I needed him to say it.
“All of it. Everything.”
There was no way to stop the tears now, but I did manage not to completely bawl my eyes out. He wiped my tears away, and I grabbed his hand, holding on for dear life.
“You can’t ever leave me again.” I wouldn’t survive it if he did. None of us would. The pack would fall apart. But I didn’t care about the pack right then, I cared about us. Me and Robbie. And that’s it.
“I won’t,” he promised. “Never again.”
I kissed him. My chest ached in a good way for the first time.
It burned with hope.
I closed my eyes and laid my head on his chest. Ox was pressed up against Robbie’s other side and our pack surrounded us. And here, at last, Robbie found his way home.