If you had told Scra, the night he first met Ky back at the cliff, that soon he would be sleeping every night pressed close to him in the comfort of his bed, he would have laughed in your face. Or punched you. Or both. Hell, he didn’t even think he’d be comfortable sleeping in the same room as him in the beginning. But apparently things change, and in all honesty nothing could have prepared him for Ky. How he smiled, how he laughed, how his awkwardness just made him that much more endearing, how he made Scra feel… Not that Scra felt anything in particular about him, I mean he was a good friend, but that was it. Definitely. Like, he didn’t want to make it weird.
All of this went through Scra’s mind on a nondescript evening, after the lights had been turned off and he and Ky had curled up their bed. Ky’s bed. Not theirs. Just cos they slept in the same bed doesn’t mean it was theirs.
Nice going Scra, way to not make it weird.
He resisted the urge to groan in embarrassment. Ky had just started snoring softly behind him and he didn’t want to accidentally wake him up. Especially not right now, it was embarrassing enough to think about this shit when he was the only one awake, let alone when Ky was conscious and looking at him with those soft eyes and talking to him in that soft voice that he sometimes used right before they went to sleep and-
Nope. Not making it weird.
He resolved himself to think about something else, anything else, homework, history class, that stupid joke Ree had told them at lunch yesterday-
“Mmhmf… warm…” Ky rolled over and cuddled up against Scra’s back, wrapping an arm around his chest.
Scra tensed for a moment, then almost against his will relaxed back into the embrace. Ky talked in his sleep sometimes, Scra had learned, mostly unintelligible mumbling and sometimes stuff like… that.
Scra honestly couldn’t imagine how Ky could be calling him warm, when he was burning hot as supernova everywhere his skin pressed against Scra’s, almost unbearably warm. And yet, every morning when they awkwardly peeled away from each other it always felt like having a bucket of ice water dumped on his head, making him immediately miss the heat.
But he didn’t have to miss it right now, with Ky this close. He could feel the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed, smell the floral scent of that weird shampoo he used, he could even almost feel the thrum of his heart against his back, and if he imagined it was beating in time with his own, well, in his defense he was already half asleep.
Ky was mumbling something unintelligible, and the sound of his voice had almost completely lulled Scra to sleep, when suddenly his mumbling coalesced into a soft happy sigh, and then words.
“I love you.”
Scra’s eyes immediately snapped open and he suddenly felt more awake than he ever had in his entire life. Ky’s voice was quiet, his words slurred, and the deep slow breaths he was taking indicated he was still asleep. He hadn’t even moved an inch. He was dreaming, clearly. Dreaming about someone Scra realized, and he felt his chest tighten uncomfortably.
Don’t be an idiot, Scra chided himself, you don’t get to be jealous of someone in Ky’s fucking dream . Dreaming about someone doesn’t have to mean anything, and even if it did, you don’t get to be jealous. It’s not like Ky is yours.
Thinking that sent his heart thumping. Scra squeezed his eyes shut, determined to sleep. Ky was snoring softly behind him again, everything was fine. This was just like any other night.
Then Ky spoke again, even softer this time.
“I love you, Scra.”
He felt his heart stop. Ky was so quiet Scra almost hadn’t heard him, but the words still echoed in his ears about a thousand times. He felt like the whole world had frozen, and he didn’t dare move or make a sound for fear of shattering the silence that had surrounded him.
Then Ky shifted slightly and gave a particularly loud snore and the moment passed, only to leave Scra with his face burning hotter than the sun and his heart going a mile a minute.
Was Ky dreaming about him? Dreams don’t mean anything. But what if they did? But Ky surely didn’t feel that way about him. But what if he did? Scra could ask him about it, but what if he got embarrassed and didn’t want to talk about it? What if he just brushed it off, or didn’t even remember the dream? Or worse, what if he was grossed out by the very idea?
That settled it, Scra supposed. There was no way he was going to bring it up. Ever. He was just going to continue as though nothing had happened. Easy.
...But he definitely wasn’t going to be able to sleep like this right now. That much he could admit to himself. So very, very carefully he extricated himself from Ky’s arms, and decided to get a headstart on some homework.
The first thing Ky became aware of as he awoke was that he was cold. His sleep muddled brain couldn’t quite comprehend this at first, and he flopped his arm around on the bed in search of the other warm body that was usually there. When he couldn’t find it he begrudgingly pried his eyes open, and with that came some of his cognizance.
A quick glance at the clock on the wall told him it was an hour or so before he actually needed to be awake, and he groaned quietly to mourn the sleep he was missing.
He turned his bleary eyes toward the desk on the other side of the room and they landed on Scra, still in his sleep clothes, working at his laptop.
“Mornin’...” Ky slowly sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
“Did you, uh, sleep well?” Scra asked, then quickly turned back to his computer. If Ky wasn’t mistaken, he was blushing a little.
“Um-” Ky suddenly remembered what he’d been dreaming about, and his own face flushed. “Uh, yep! Yeah, slept great! I mean, fine. I slept fine. Like, normal.”
Scra nodded but didn’t turn away from the computer, although it didn’t look like he was actually doing anything with it. His posture was stiff, like he was uncomfortable. Ky’s brow furrowed.
“Uh, what about you?” He asked carefully. “You’re up early.”
“Couldn’t sleep.” Scra said simply.
Ky blinked at him. “Oh.”
For the rest of the day, Ky couldn’t stop thinking about what Scra had said. It was such an innocuous thing, ‘couldn’t sleep’, and yet it was eating away at the back of his mind. He felt stupid, thinking it outright, but… hadn’t he been helping? The whole point of them sleeping in the same bed was to help Scra with his nightmares, and it seemed like it had been working. To Ky’s knowledge, he hadn’t been having them since they started sleeping together-
Wrong choice of words. Immediately Ky’s mind drifted back to the dream he’d had the previous night. Not that it was that kind of dream! It was just a normal dream. Just a normal dream in which he and Scra were sitting on the cliff, holding hands, saying they loved each other and maybe kissing a little.
So maybe it was a little more than a normal dream. But it’s not like it mattered, Ky wasn’t going to talk about it or even think about it more than he had to, (not counting when he maybe got distracted thinking about it for an entire class, but in his defense it was a really boring class) what was the point? It’s not like it would get him anywhere, and besides the last thing he wanted was to make Scra uncomfortable and not want to sleep in his bed with him.
Not because he wanted Scra in his bed! Just because he wanted to help Scra with the nightmares. That was definitely the only reason.
But Scra couldn’t sleep last night.
Was it because the nightmares came back? Had something changed? What if it was something else? Was there something Scra wasn’t telling him?
Was Ky somehow doing something wrong?
Scra was acting weird. He knew he was acting weird, but he really couldn’t help it. Every time he looked at Ky, his words from the previous night blared in his head.
‘I love you, Scra.’
And what was worse, he brain had extrapolated from that experience, and now every time Ky laughed or smiled at him, he couldn’t help imagining what it would be like to hear him say it then and there, while he was awake, while he smiled.
Like a coward, he avoided Ky as much as physically possible for the rest of the day. Luckily for him, Ky had aerial combat practice that day, so he wouldn’t come back to their room until the evening. Unluckily, that left him plenty of time to stew in his feelings and get even more anxious about what was going to happen that night. Would he be able to sleep next to Ky after what he heard? What if Ky confronts him about being weird today, how the hell would he explain it? What if they do sleep in the same bed and Ky says more things in his sleep?? Scra might spontaneously combust.
When Ky came into their room that evening, he realized he was lying in Ky’s bed, staring up at the star stickers on the ceiling. When the fuck did he lie down in Ky’s bed? Was he just so used to sleeping there now he did it out of habit? That thought made his face flush, and he scrambled to get up, though Ky had most definitely seen him lying there.
If it bothered him he didn’t show it, just giving Scra a tired greeting and heading straight for the shower. It was late, Ky would probably expect them to go to sleep soon. Scra didn’t know what else to do, so he quickly changed into his sleep clothes while Ky showered. When Ky emerged from the bathroom he was wearing pajama pants and no shirt, and when they locked eyes they both stilled for a moment, just looking at each other.
Scra could feel some kind of tension building, and before he could say something really stupid, (like ‘I love you too’) he blurted, “What were you dreaming about last night?”
At the same time, Ky suddenly said, “Do you not want to sleep in my bed anymore- wait what?”
Scra felt his face go hot. “You first!” He said quickly.
Ky blinked at him a moment, then rubbed a hand on the back of his neck and looked at the floor. “I just, uh, I was wondering if you still wanted to sleep in my bed with me? If it’s… still helping?”
Scra was momentarily distracted from his embarrassment by confusion. “Why wouldn’t it be helping?”
“I mean, you said you couldn’t sleep last night, and I guess that was from nightmares…?”
Scra felt his face go hotter, he could not believe this was happening. “No it, um, wasn’t nightmares.”
Ky looked up at him quizzically. “What was it then?”
Scra opened and closed his mouth several times. He wanted to brush it off or make an excuse and never revisit this conversation ever again, but he also didn’t want Ky to think he was doing anything wrong.
Eventually he stammered out, “Well- I- um- you were kind of… talking in your sleep.” Nice one, Scra, way to make him feel like he’s not doing anything wrong.
Ky’s face turned bright red. “Oh. I’m sorry. Shit. Uh-”
“It’s okay!” Scra said quickly. “It’s, uh, it’s not a big deal, really.”
“But it stopped you from sleeping! Icarus , I really sleep-talk that loud? Unless-” Suddenly Ky’s eyes went wide and his face got impossibly redder. “I didn’t- um- did I- uh- Ididn’tsayanythingweirddidI?”
The last words came out in a rush, and Ky wasn’t looking at him, hands fidgeting nervously.
So he did remember the dream.
Scra felt like his heart was beating so loud Ky could probably hear it from across the room. A very large part of him was screaming to find a way out of this conversation before he got in over his head and ruined everything, but there was another, smaller part of him that he couldn’t quash, one that kept saying, ‘what if?’
“You, um. Kinda… said something about me…” Scra forced out in a quiet voice.
Scra’s face was burning and he couldn’t bring himself to look up from the floor, terrified of what he might see on Ky’s face.
“Scra, I’m- shit. I’m really sorry. I really hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable, I didn’t mean to, but I’ll try really hard not to do it again, and I-” Scra heard his quiet resigned sigh. “If you don’t want to sleep in the same bed anymore I understand.”
At that Scra couldn’t help but look up at him. Now Ky was staring at the floor, with an expression like he was trying very hard not to look heartbroken and doing a very poor job of it. It was honestly kind of incredible how someone so tall and broad could suddenly look so small.
Maybe that was what made Scra say, “I didn’t mind.”
Ky looked up at him. “What?”
Scra could hardly hear him over the sound of his pulse in his ears. “I said I didn’t mind. What you said, it… didn’t make me uncomfortable.”
“Oh.” Ky looked a little perplexed, and a little… something else. He cleared his throat. “What, um, what did I say, exactly?”
Scra bit his lip, watching the way Ky’s eyes tracked the movement. He didn’t know at what point they had moved across the room, meeting in the middle and standing close enough that Scra would have barely had to move to reach out and touch him.
“I love you, Scra.” he repeated, barely above a whisper.
Ky’s eyes widened, but all he said was a breathless, “Oh.”
There was a long pause where they just looked at each other, and that small voice in the back of Scra’s mind kept getting louder.
What if, what if, what if?
“And that… didn’t make you uncomfortable?”
Scra realized what the something else was on Ky’s face, it was something like hope.
Instead of answering him Scra asked a question of his own. “Did you mean it?”
He hadn’t meant for the desperation to be so clear in his voice, to make it so obvious that he was waiting with bated breath for the answer. But Ky didn’t look much better, he stepped closer so he was completely in Scra’s space, he could almost feel the heat radiating off of him and he could see his eyes were dilated. When he finally spoke, it was so quiet Scra saw the word on his lips more than he heard it, but he got the meaning all the same.
Time slowed to a stop as they leaned toward each other, Scra’s whole world narrowing to Ky’s face, watching his bright blue eyes slip closed. Their lips met, and Scra’s eyes fluttered shut too. Ky’s lips were somehow even softer than he’d imagined they’d be.
It was gentle, chaste, over in a second, before Ky was pulling back slightly.
But that was all he got out before Scra threw his arms around his neck and kissed him.
He kissed him, like his life depended on it, like he was drowning and Ky was his only source of air. Ky gasped in surprise and Scra just took the opportunity to deepen the kiss, and the small, desperate noise Ky made sent a shiver through his entire body. Then Ky’s arms were wrapped around his waist, almost lifting him off the ground for how tightly they were holding him, and Scra just wanted to press closer, closer, closer .
You can only maintain a kiss at that level of passion for so long, though Scra couldn’t have told you if it was a moment or an eternity, but eventually they settled to something softer. Scra’s fingers had found their way into Ky’s hair, and Ky’s hands at the small of his back kept him firmly grounded. (They also kept him from falling over, which he would have surely done without them.) Ky’s desperate noises had transformed into satisfied little hums, Scra felt like that sound alone could warm his entire body to its core.
Scra didn’t think he could ever get his fill of kissing Ky, but there was something he needed to say, so he pulled back, though his resolve nearly broke at the way Ky chased his lips when they parted before his eyes blinked dazedly open.
“I love you.” Ky breathed before he could finish, like the sound had been trapped in his throat and he couldn’t stand to hold it there any longer. “Fuck, I love you.”
Scra watched as a smile grew across his face, then he laughed , a breathless giggle full of so much joy that Scra felt a smile of his own forming.
“Holy shit, I’ve wanted to say that for so long. I love you.”
“I love you.” Ky said again, leaning in to peck his lips. “I love you.” he pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I love you.” His other cheek.
A giggle of his own bubbled up in Scra’s chest as Ky kissed him all over his face, the sound was almost unfamiliar to his own ears, but he thought maybe he could get used to it. “Ky, holy shit, Ky- ”
Ky pressed one final kiss to Scra’s nose before leaning back. “I love you, Scra.”
Scra’s face was burning like a supernova, but for once it felt like a good heat. And Ky was telling him he loved him, with that smile on his face, and, well.
“I love you too, Ky.” he breathed.
Ky’s face got softer, if that was even possible, and he drew Scra in for another gentle kiss.
Scra practically melted against his chest, positive now that Ky’s strong arms were the only thing keeping him upright. They were so close Scra could almost feel the rhythm of Ky’s heart, and if he imagined it was beating in time with his own, well, Ky didn’t need to know.
Or maybe he would tell him later.