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Like The First Time I Kissed You

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Draco sat in front of the fireplace impatiently waiting for Harry to return, getting very anxious as each second went by.

Harry was supposed to be back at least 30 minutes ago.

It wasn’t like as if Draco wasn’t used to Harry returning later than promised. Being an auror himself, he understood that emergencies and unexpected events could possibly occur any time. What he was worrying about was that something might happen to Harry, anything if at all.

“Better be safe idiot or I’m going to kill you! You can’t just leave me and our baby alone!” Draco whined as he pulled his hair.

Moreover, today was a really special day. Not only was their baby turning 6 months in Draco’s tummy, it was also their 3rd anniversary together. Thinking back, Draco was only more than grateful for this career though he always hated how high the chances of injuring Harry this career would incur. A large part of their initial relationship no doubt had to be credited to this career.

He remembered the first time he stepped into the office, feeling uncertain of the new environment and how people would treat him. Little did he knew that by pushing open that damn heavy door, the person welcoming him would be the love of his life, the father of their child. He remembered those green eyes staring right back into his with a genuine smile. His heart truly skipped a beat then. His one and only crush of his entire life stood right there waiting for him, smiling at him so gently that it melted straight into his already cold and emotionless heart. At the same time, he also heaved a sigh of relief. His partner was Harry, whom he knew was the kindest and least judgmental soul alive.

Now that he was on pregnancy leave and Harry had became the head of auror, they were no longer partners in work but definitely moved to a whole new level of lifelong partner. Who knew that this choice of career was going to lead him to one of his best choices made in life?

They didn’t click well immediately. He had his worries, and he was still very vigilant and aware of the people around him. He couldn’t just trust anyone. He was hurt. He was betrayed. They all were just still trying to heal from the war. But Harry and only Harry – he should have known this guy was going to be the one healing fastest out of them all – did not change one bit because of the war. So while he still stubbornly showed Harry his cold shoulders and ignored his presence completely at times, Harry was so patient and so kind that it hurt. Draco was showered with love and care daily as Harry did his very best to ensure that Draco wasn’t bullied by anyone in the department because of the war.

Till today, Draco wasn’t sure if Harry had his eyes on him a long time ago or only developed feelings for him after they worked together. He tried asking Harry but was always dismissed with his cheeky tone of ‘Does it matter Dray? All it matters is that I love you, and I always will, right?’ and his actions of pulling Draco into a tight embrace would always follow, distracting him completely and immediately. Draco guessed that maybe it really didn’t matter. All it mattered right now is he had Harry, and will always have Harry. Their love so strong that he was positive nobody could ever separate them, if not for the stupid dangerous auror career.

Draco snorted as he realised that another 15 minutes had passed just by his thoughts tracing back history alone. He also realised that there was still no sign of Harry. Being 6 months pregnant was not easy, really. He was getting quite big and it restricted his actions in several ways. Not that he would mind if Harry was with him. Harry served him like the Royal Highness every time.

“Well I better be his one & only royal highness,” Draco sighed as he suddenly felt the need to be near Harry.

Maybe it was their baby calling for his/her daddy. Both decided to keep the gender a surprise at birth, which Draco felt that he was definitely going to kill Harry for making him go through such amount of pain, though he was sure it was a blissful pain.

“WHERE THE FUCK IS HE?” Draco screamed in agony.

One should not upset a pregnant man. Draco contemplated sending a firecall to the auror department to make sure that Harry was fine, but he didn’t want to appear as some annoying fat pregnant and overly attached husband of their very precious Harry Potter. He wanted to wait for Harry to return before going to bed, he was determined but first he needed to keep himself occupied, else he might just doze off beside the warm burning fire. He contemplated his options and decided that he wanted a trip down memory lane. After all, it was their 3rd anniversary – a perfect excuse.

xxx

Life in the office fell into a routine. Potter would always be the early one, standing by his table with a cup of coffee in his hand, greeting Draco cheerfully. He always insisted on Draco drinking his cup of coffee, which Draco had refused and failed for so many times that nobody could keep track. So that was it, his day starting with the sight of Potter holding a cup of coffee for him, drinking it before he started working, feeling bitter sweet and bits of his wall built against Potter started falling off before he even realised it.

Ron, Hermione and Luna would always take turns to find Harry for lunch, sometimes by pairs, sometimes all together at once. Draco was kind of jealous. Gone were the days he would be surrounded and loved by his friends. He was more than grateful that his parents were still alive, still with him and he didn’t dare to hope for more. Harry might be his auror partner, but he was probably never going to be his friend. And in the whole department, there wasn’t really anyone else who acknowledged him, let alone to eat lunch with him. His initial few days were spent eating alone but things soon changed.

It wouldn’t be as surprising if Luna and Hermione appeared before Draco, trying to be friendly and stuff. It was however very surprising when Ron invited Draco for lunch while coming to get Harry.

“Oi Ferret, why don’t you come along for lunch instead of eating in that pathetic corner of yours?” Ron asked just before he left the room.

Harry turned to Draco immediately, face full of guilt, “I’m so sorry Draco, I should have asked you earlier. Please come with us?”

Draco was too dumbfounded to even move so he just nodded. Was that really Ron Weasley showing him some kindness? But before he could process an answer, he found a warm hand on his left wrist, pulling him out of the room. The hand released him when they reached the lift where Ron was already waiting and Draco’s brain could finally function as normal again.

Soon, a meal turned into meals and Draco would always be with them. Sometimes all of them, sometimes just one or two of them. But that was enough for him. He felt as though he had friends again, and he was eternally grateful for this change in fate. He slowly relaxed himself the company of Potter (especially) and his friends, gracefully accepting his cup of coffee in the morning without arguing, sometimes even thanking Potter if he was in a brilliant mood. Draco suspected that Potter had been adding more sugar into the cup every morning, but little did he know the sweetness of the coffee came from the love Potter was radiating out to him.

It all started when he was invited over for Christmas Eve dinner at Potter’s house, almost 6 months after Draco got this job. He was so relaxed around Potter that he just gladly accepted his invitation without thinking too much about it. Of course, he naturally assumed that Potter’s friends would be over too, and they could enjoy a warm and joyful Christmas Eve celebration together.

“Potter, do you ever do ANY cleaning in your house?” Draco scowled in disgust when he walked out of the floo.

Potter’s house was in a horrid state, beyond what words could describe. Everything was everywhere, and it was absolutely unsettling and annoying for Draco when he loved to keep every corner of his house neat and tidy.

“Yeah, pretty much. I wipe my own ass you know,” Potter chuckled in reply.

Draco felt himself burning up with the image of Potter wiping his own ass coming rapidly into his mind. Here he had tried so hard to suppress his feelings for Potter at work, knowing full well that a happy ending for them was never possible.

“Oh Potter, shut it. You’re gross,” Draco made sure he sounded like he was on the verge of vomiting and not on the verge of wanting to wipe Potter’s ass for him, “You can’t expect me to have a nice meal and celebration in such a house.”

“Well then help me clean up,” trust Potter to be as shameless as ever.

Draco thought about it for a while. Potter had been nice to him, his friends had been nice to him too, and now he was here for a free meal so perhaps he ought to do something for Potter in return. Moreover, he could use magic so it wouldn’t be really tiring nor would it take too long to clean up (also because Potter was an idiot that didn’t realise magic exist) – he would want a clean and cosy home to have his dinner.

The silence was really comfortable as Draco started his cleaning spells while Harry continued cooking. They didn’t speak much, occasionally hearing Potter humming some Christmas tune while the nice smell of food from the kitchen spread to the living room where Draco was doing the cleaning. He merely cleaned the first floor as he didn’t bother to go upstairs and intrude on Potter’s private life.

“You know, you would make a great father I think,” Draco sank down the sofa after he was satisfied with the whole area. He even put up some Christmas lights to set the atmosphere.

“And why is that so?” Potter’s voice called back from inside the kitchen.

“Your humming is really in tune and stuff, sure your babies would like it very much.”

Potter responded by continue humming some Christmas tunes and Draco was almost falling asleep when Potter finally reappeared in the living room, screaming Draco’s name so loudly that Draco jumped up in shock.

“What the fuck Potter?”

“Oh no, you look so adorable on the verge of falling asleep so I couldn’t help but let out a yell.”

“Really? Is it the fangirling kind of yell when you saw an extraordinary charming prince on your sofa?” Draco smirked, unsure if he was trying to flirt with Potter, or if he should be even doing it at all.

Potter looked away and his cheeks were evidently getting redder, “Kinda hot inside here isn’t it? Come on, dinner’s ready!”

Draco followed Potter into the dining hall and was immediately drooling over the table of food before him that looked so delicious. He was about to take his seat before realising something was quite wrong. There were only seats for two.

“Right, say where’s Ron, Hermione and Luna?”

Potter was pulling an edge of the table cloth nervously, “Err.. they are celebrating with their families but I didn’t have one…”

“Erm, you do know I’ve one right?”

Potter nodded, “I was just trying my luck when I asked you. I’ve celebrated all of my Christmas Eve alone, this was my first with someone. I was surprised but very happy that you agreed.”

His eyes were shining so green yet full of sorrow that it broke Draco just by looking at it. So the least he could do for Potter was to sit down.

“Thank you,” Potter took his seat and after a long pause, “for staying.”

Draco could only offer a small smile but his heart was exploding with emotions. Before him was the man so strong so determined in everything he did, so gentle so kind to everyone he came across, yet so vulnerable so alone. There was only so much he could do for Potter though he very much wish to bring him into a tight embrace, to share some warmth with Potter on this festive occasion.

“Let’s tuck in. Let me enjoy my last meal on earth for sure the food would contain some poison.”

Potter laughed for a bit and nodded his head, looking at Draco so intensely that Draco found it hard to swallow his first mouth.

“Do you want to let me eat or not?”

“I’m sorry, I just wanted to know if you would like the taste of the food I made.”

“I will always like it,” very much desiring for it, Draco added mentally as he swallowed the magnificent taste.

The food tasted so much better than those made by the house elves back in the manor. Maybe it was also because the food was filled with Harry’s love.

“You know you’ll make a good husband too, stay domestic if the aurors ever fire you,” Draco suspected he was a little tipsy on the wine as his mouth was spurting out unnecessary nonsense again.

They were almost done with the food and Harry said that they could move over and be more comfortable by the fire on the couch drinking some mulled wine.

“Too bad, if only anyone would ever want to marry me.”

“And why not?”

The room might or might not be a little too romantic for two blokes. The only light came from the fireplace and Christmas trees. Also, the positions they were in might be accidentally too romantic as well. Sitting so near each other by the fire, sharing a blanket and drinking wine, it all felt like a dream to Draco.

“Because I’m damaged beyond repair. No one would want to marry someone less than perfect.”

“But you’re very perfect to me,” Draco was unable to stop himself in time.

Potter took another sip of the wine that suddenly tasted and smelled like Draco. He must be hallucinating, his problems had gotten worse, he suspected as he stared back into Draco’s eyes.

“Your eyes, so grey, they are talking to me.”

Draco raised his eyebrow in amazement. Potter was getting a little drunk, definitely. Since when could eyes talk? Draco felt his head in a mess as well, unable to process anything.

“They talk?” Draco laughed breathlessly, “they can’t.”

Harry’s green eyes stared right back into his, determined and certain, “they can, they’re talking to me right now.”

“And if they’re, what are they saying?”

“They are telling me to stay strong, that I’ll be protected.”

Draco almost believed him, he thought. Maybe his eyes were really telling Harry his most inner thoughts. He very much would like to protect Harry, to repair his damaged soul.

“But they’re taking the job of my mouth!” Draco protested, unsatisfied that his mouth had become officially unemployed.

“We can always find another job for the mouth.” 

“And what could that be?”

There was no answer, because within a split second, Potter’s mouth was on his. Those very pair of lips he had been dreaming of since childhood was on his. It was real. ‘It is really happening!’ Draco’s heart exclaimed as his stomach did several somersaults in a row. He couldn’t think, he didn’t want to think because Potter’s lips were so soft, so sweet, kissing him so gently as if he would a piece of glass that might break anytime. Draco decided that he shouldn’t waste any more time so he snaked his hands around Potter’s neck and kissed him back like he had never kissed before.

The battle of their tongues continued all the way to bed, what was initially a gentle and loving kiss soon turned into kisses filled with fire and passion. They were both too hurt from the war too damage to love anyone else yet they knew they were a match made in heaven, or hell. It didn’t matter. All that mattered was the warmth they were feeling from each other, the comfort they felt in each others’ arms and the love that was already exploding between them.

xxx

A woosh from the floo brought Draco back to reality as he took a glimpse of the clock before making his way to Harry. Harry was an hour and a half later than he was supposed to be. Harry could barely even process anything when he felt a pair of arms around him and a warm face nested between his neck and shoulder.

“Woah, calm down Draco, I’m sorry to be late. Got held back in a meeting.”

“Fucking hell Potter, you could at least find some way of informing me instead of making me so worri-” Draco couldn’t even finish his sentence before he started sobbing as he hugged Harry tighter.

“What’s wrong Draco? Is the pregnancy making you emotional again?”

That was real. Draco had been quite emotional ever since he got pregnant. Sometimes he would rage, sometimes he would stone and ignored Harry completely, sometimes he would be too high, sometimes he would be crying his lungs out. Harry got used to all of that pretty fast. What else could he do when this was his precious suffering so much for him by carrying their child? It was the least he could do for Draco.

“Stop blaming everything on the pregnancy idiot. Do you ever spare a thought for me? Do you not know how worried I was, thinking that something might have happened to you, and that I might be losing the best thing that ever happened to me in my life?”

Harry just nodded as he pressed kisses to Draco’s forehead. There was no way he could argue with Draco. He had lied to Draco by claiming that he was in a meeting when in fact he was nearly almost injured again and somehow Draco sensed his lie. Maybe it was also because it wasn’t his first time lying to Draco already.

“Do you think I would ever want to let go off the best thing that has ever happened to me as well?” Harry asked softly, “I’m not going anywhere without you but I will go everywhere with you.”

“You do realise today marks the 3rd anniversary of our marriage right? I was so afraid that I would be spending it alone and I got even more afraid when I took a trip down the memory lane, remembering that night that brought us together. It was so painful. I just can’t lose you, okay?”

“Yes, I’m sorry, please stop crying. I swear I’ll never leave you, nor will I be late from work again. I promise. How could I possibly let you spend any more days alone when all you had done was to be consistently by my side ever since that Christmas Eve?”

Harry recalled that night too. It was so painful to recall for both him and Draco were searching for love, healing each other and here they were, everything right and too perfect to be exchanged for to be given up on. Nothing in the world would feel right without Draco by his side anymore and if he felt this way, Draco definitely felt the same way too. He tightened his arms around his baby as he started humming some tunes, secretly feeling thankful that he survived today’s mission safe and sound.

It took a while before Draco calmed down.

“Looks like our baby likes you more.”

“Why?”

“He/She couldn’t stop kicking me all night and instantly stopped when he/she sensed your presence. Remember what I said about you being a great husband and father?” Draco smiled so gently, those grey eyes sparkling with life and love that Harry was immensely mesmerised by it.

“Also do you remember what I said about your eyes having the ability to talk?” Harry asked as he moved a hand up to caress Draco’s cheek.

His husband looked so beautiful as always.

“Say why are they taking the job of my mouth once again?” Draco pouted as he whispered softly, holding Harry’s intense yet passionate gaze, knowing what was coming.

Harry smiled as he pulled Draco’s lips to his.

Those lips were as sweet as ever, like the first time I kissed you.