Work Header

Palate Cleanser

Work Text:

“What’s weird about this,” said Frank thoughtfully, “is that usually I’m allergic to roses.”

“You’re allergic to everything,” said Gerard with his mouth full.

“Not pie,” said Adam, horrified.

“Not pie.” Frank shovelled another huge spoonful into his mouth. “Mmm.”

“Mmm,” said Adam enthusiastically. “This is really good pie, too! Usually I try not to eat pie.”

“Oh my God, listen to me, okay, just because the fucking media say we all have to look like we just got spat out by a factory,” Gerard started heatedly, but Frank cut him off.

“I don’t buy Jamia roses because they make me sneeze. Does that make me a bad husband?”

“Make you a worse husband to sneeze on her, I’m pretty sure,” Adam said.

Frank looked at Gerard. “Do you buy Lindsey roses?”

Gerard moved some pie filling around on his plate. He squinted at it suspiciously. “I made her some once. Out of paper. I painted them blue and made little bugs out of modelling clay to hide in the leaves.”

“That sounds very cool,” Frank said. Gerard smiled at him. Frank turned to Adam.

“No,” said Adam, arranging some roses more artfully on his crotch. “I don’t give my boyfriend insects to show him I love him.”

“Maybe you should,” Gerard said archly.

“I do send him flowers, though,” Adam said. Frank privately thought that his crotch-roses could do with a little less ‘art’, but then, Adam did have a crotch worth decorating.

“Thanks!” said Adam, and beamed at him. “Actually I think next time I give Sauli flowers I’m going to do it like this.”

“Naked? Or with pie?”

“Both!” said Adam, and ate the last spoonful of his piece.

Frank pointed at the puppies in the corner. “See, now having a hundred dogs around, that’s more my speed.”

“I think some of those are kittens,” Gerard said. “I’m allergic to kittens.”

“But you’re not sneezing,” Frank pointed out.

“Oh that’s right!” Gerard said happily, and went to roll around with them.

Frank watched him go. He said to Adam, “If I lay on the floor naked and covered myself in roses, I would just sneeze and wake the babies, and they’d start screaming, and the dogs would eat the pie and throw up everywhere and then Jamia would shoot me in the face.”

“Start small,” Adam said wisely. “Maybe a grape hyacinth or two.”

“Two,” Frank agreed. He shifted so he wasn’t getting a prickle in his ass. “They’ll be me and J in flower form. You know, because they’re short.”

“I like short people,” Adam said. “Do you think Gerard’s going to eat the rest of his pie?”

“I can get even smaller flowers to be the babies,” Frank went on, warming to the subject. “Buttercups or something. And ladybugs for the dogs!”

“I’d like a dog.” Adam rolled over onto his front. More roses went scattering everywhere. “I like ladybugs too.”

Frank watched Gerard lifting one of the kittens up and touching its nose with his own. “This is really weird, man.”

“Mmm,” said Adam. Evidently he had decided Gerard’s pie was forfeit.

“Frank!” Gerard called. “I’m pretty sure this kitten has wings!”

The End.