One day you will fall in love. This emotion will slowly crawl into you. And you will realize it at the most unpredictable moment. And when you do realize it, don’t fear it. Cherish it, because if you are like me, in time it will become the oxygen you will need to breathe. Many would say that I am naive but I believe that love will help you in times of trouble or be able to overcome hardship that you will face. What you have to know about love, is that if it is not nutrated it can easily fade.
There was a time when I loved your father (or maybe it was the image he created), and I thought he loved me back. I was so young when we met for the first time and he could be so charming. It was easy to believe in his softly spoken words. When he found out that I am barren he changed. He became obsessed with finding a way to have an heir. I couldn’t give him one thing he needed most… I felt so useless. It is a sad world in which you have no one you can trust. He took me from the place I knew, I understood, to a place where I had no one. How silly of me to trust his empty words! To how many women did he speak like that? With how many did he sleep after charming them? I should have known… should have seen the signs… but you have to understand that I wanted to believe in his words, the alternative was too scary to even think of. Then I saw a man. I have never seen eyes more blue. He was the first one to ask about my feelings or my thoughts. He was the sun that brightened this dark place I ended up in.
Arthur stood in his chambers thinking of things he’ll have to discuss with Merlin. His friend was smarter than he thought. And his inputs about magic were direct. The problem was that he couldn’t really concentrate on what the boy was talking about. All he could do was focus on this eyes. Dark blue, with speckles of gold on the edges. It was like watching a night sky full of stars. And the passion he spoke with. This happiness he radieted with when they were discussing magic was so intense. All he could really think of was how he wanted to kiss this plump lips. A knock woke him up from his musings.
“Enter!” He groaned when he saw Gwaine enter his chamber’s. “What are you doing here?” He hoped it would be Merlin.
“Hello to you too princess or should it be queeny now?” Gwaine chuckled at his joke. “I come to check on you. So? What’s up?” He asked while he stole an apple from Arthur's table while he leaned on it.
“Gwaine, you now that I am the king?” All Arthur received was a frown. “You can’t speak like that to me!”
“Okay, so what are you up to? You seemed out of sorts for some time. The knights are worried.” Arthur blinked at that and a small blush adorned his cheeks.
“Oh. It’s just some laws I would have changed much sooner if not for this elders I have in a council.” He didn’t know why he was telling this to Gwaine of all people. “You don’t even know how hard it is to work with them!”
“Hold on! I don’t need to hear more. My head started to throb.”
“You just asked!” Arthur growled. If you don’t want to know, then leave me alone so I can think of a way to spend more time with Merlin.
“Yes, yes I know.” The knight said dismissively. “If you don’t like to work with them, then just change conculers.” He looked at Arthur as if he solved his problems.
“It’s not that simple Gwaine.” He could feel a headache coming. “Don’t worry, soon I’ll come back to training and sparring with you.” He smirked. This time it was Gwaine who groaned.
“Well if you’re fine and don’t need our help, then I’ll leave you to yourself.” He stood up and headed for the door.
“Did you just come here to annoy m-.” He got cut off with Gwaine stiking half of an apple to his mouth.
“It’s hard to find a good king. I just came to check on you.” Gwaine patted Arthur’s cheek lightly while he was saying it. And at this exact moment Merlin crashed into Arthur's chambers.
“Arthur! Sorry for being la-” Merlin blinked at the scene in front of him. Blushing Arthur with Gwaine leaning into him. “-te.”
“Merlin! Mate, it’s been so long since I saw you!” He bounced to Merlin. Leaving blushing and choking king behind.
“We just saw each other this morning.” He frowned at Gwaine. The brunet turned to Arthur. “Are you alright?” He asked worriedly.
“Fine.” The blond gasped.
“Do you want me to come back later?” Merlin asked, unsure of the situation he just saw. Uncomfortable feeling settled in his stomach.
“No! Gwaine was just leaving. Right, Gwaine?” I will not lose my precious time with Merlin!
Merlin still looked hesitant. “Prin- I mean queeny’s right. I just came to check on him.” He patted Merlin’s head. “We should hang out soon.” Gwaine winked at Merlin when he was leaving. After my dead body!
“Are you sure, you are alright?” Worry was evident in Merlin's voice and on his face.
“Yes, I am fine.” The king rolled his eyes. “Let’s sit down.” Arthur poured the wine. “Help yourself. You’re so thin I’m afraid the wind will topple you over.” He said while he pointed to the food on the table.
“Thanks. Not everyone is fat.” Merlin looked innocently at his king.
“I’m not fat!” Arthur gasped, offended, while Merlin chuckled. After that they chatted about less important things for a bit.
“Arthur.” Merlin started cautiously. Arthur looked at Merlin with a boyish smile. “There are some things I should tell you.” The blond straightened when he saw how worried Merlin was.
“You know you can tell me anything.” Arthur took the younger boy's hand and started patting it in a soothing way.
“It’s about the tournament.” The king frowned. “I want to participate.” He said ina rush.
“Merlin.” The king sighed. “We talked about it.”
“No, we didn’t.” Merlin revoked. “Why can’t you understand that I want to protect you?”
“Oh Merlin. I know that you want to protect me.” Arthur moved his hand to Merlin’s cheeks and squeezed it lightly. “Why can’t you understand that I don’t want you to get hurt? I can’t bear a thought of you being hurt and I wouldn’t be able to help you.”
“Who said that I will get hurt?” Merlin looked insulted. “I’m more powerful than you think.”
“Merlin, listen. There may be really powerful sorcerers. Who probably has more experience than you. All you have are probably one or two magical books and who knows what more. Am I right?” Merlin blushed. Because technically Arthur was right. The problem was that he didn’t really know how to tell Arthur everything he did for him with his magic. And how do you explain that you are MAGIC? But he dreamed about the day he could stand beside his king and when it was so close to his reach he didn’t want to lose it to someone else.
“Maybe I don’t have that much experience but I saved your ass so many times that I’m sure I’ll be fine!” When Arthur saw tears of frustration appearing in his Merlin’s eyes he backsteped a bit.
“Shh Merlin.” He rushed to Merlin’s side and hugged him. “Let’s do it this way. The tournament will take place in three months. You will try to get ready and then we’ll see. Okay?” He hoped it would calm the younger boy down. When Merlin realizes that it’s too much for him he will quit himself.
“You don’t believe in me.” It wasn’t even a question. And it hurt the boy more than he thought it could. He looked up at his king. “You think I’m useless.” Arthur’s eyes widened with shock. “Everytime you go and fight in your stupid tournaments and I stand behinde worring all the time but I never complaine.” That was bullshit and Merlin knew it. “I let you go fight because I know how important it is for you.” Merlin stood up. “But when I want to do the same.. you..you..” Merlin sniffed. “Why can’t you just believe in me?” The boy looked so broken that Arthur's heart ached for him. “What do I have to do for you to believe in me ?” When the first tear escaped he rushed out of the room. Leaving shocked and hopeless Arthur behind. How do I fix it?!