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let me make up my own mind

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“You can have it.” 

Dean Winchester is sitting on a bench in a park in Heaven. 

“I don’t know why you ever thought you couldn’t.”

Dean Winchester is praying to an angel who was dead, but apparently was able to help build this paradise around him.

“Who am I kidding, Cas. It’s no wonder. I was an asshole to you. Pretty consistently. For twelve years.”

Dean Winchester… doesn’t know what else to do at this point.

“Twelve freakin’ years, man. I don’t know if I can ever thank you enough. For coming back to me every time I screwed up.”

He looks down at his hands. They are shaking. He cannot stop shaking.

“Really though, Cas. You never even asked. I had no idea it was even on the table. I didn’t know angels could feel love like that. Y’know… romantic love.”

He scoffs. He doesn’t acknowledge the tears welling up in his eyes.

“It’s like you just decided for me, man. I know that’s not what you meant to do, of course I know that, but all this time… Team Free Will…”

He looks out across the grass. Miracle comes bounding over with a tennis ball in his mouth. Dean takes it and throws it as far as he can. Miracle turns and runs.

“You took away my choice here, man. I’m not angry about you loving me, Cas. I’m angry that you didn’t let me make up my own mind on this.”

He sniffs. The tears are falling down his face now. It’s making it harder to ignore them. 

“You sprang that on me at the worst possible moment, man, and I’m sorry I froze, I’m sorry I didn’t answer but that was a hell of a lot to spring on a guy all at once.”

He wipes at the tears quickly, like if he can remove the evidence quickly enough it will be as if it never happened.

“Of course I love you, Cas. You must be some kind of an idiot to have not seen that. I’m head over freaking heels, pal.”

Miracle is back. Dean throws the ball. He chuckles lightly to himself, but there is no mirth in it.

“Heaven’s meant to be paradise. I’m meant to be havin’ my eternal peace right now. I gotta say, it’s pretty good so far. I’ve got Baby. I’ve got Sammy. Sammy’s got Eileen. Bobby’s down the road.”

He closes his eyes and rests his head in his hands.

“But I don’t know if I can ever truly be at peace, or whatever the hell. Not without you here with me.”

He digs the palms of his hands into his eyes, a little.


His voice breaks.


A calm settles over him.

“You’re the love of my goddamn life. Of my death too, if you’d get your feathery ass over here already.”

He smiles now, tears still spilling.

“I need you, Cas. I love you.”

Miracle’s ball falls to the ground in front of Dean and bounces a few times before stopping at his feet. Miracle comes sprinting after it, excited that he’s found someone else to play with. The dog picks up the ball in his mouth and runs back over to a figure on the other side of the park. Dean squints, trying to work out who the hell is playing with his dog.

He can’t make out the person’s face, but they begin to walk over, shaking the ball at Miracle to get him to follow. The closer this stranger gets, the more certain Dean feels that he has fallen asleep at the bench. He must be dreaming.


The man with the dog smiles. 

“Hello Dean.”

Dean cannot believe his eyes. 

“How is this possible? Cas- Cas you died. I saw you die. How are you here? Not that I’m complaining but… How?” 

Castiel smiles widely, throwing Miracle’s ball to the other side of the park again.

“Jack could hear you praying. Now I’m here.”

Dean looks embarrassed.

“He heard all that?’

Cas’ smile widens.

“As did I.’

Dean has never blushed this hard in his life. He is ready to let the earth swallow him whole but Cas steps closer and his brian short circuits. 

“You. You heard… the whole thing? Like, start to finish. You heard all that sappy, chick flick bullcrap.”

Castiel laughs quietly.

“Am I really the love of your life?”

Dean freezes for a second, mortified beyond belief. Then Cas’ hand rests gently on his arm, that same arm as always, the arm with the handprint that scorched down to his soul. And he knows he is safe.

“Yeah, Cas. Every life I’ve had, except maybe that first one before we’d met. But ever since then, Cas. Ever since. Twelve damn years.”

Cas’ smile turns a little sad. He moves forward to rest their foreheads together.

“Twelve damn years.”

They take a moment to breathe together. Their noses slowly touch. They tilt their heads. Their lips meet. They kiss.


Cas laughs.

“Indeed. I believe we have waited far long enough.”

Dean gazes into Castiel’s eyes. 

“We’re a love story for the freakin’ ages, sunshine.” 

Castiel gazes back.

“I think we might be.”

And they kiss again. And again. And then whenever they feel like it for the rest of time.