"Don't even think about it!" Tonks shot her husband a threatening glare before grabbing the bottle of champagne, giving her old friend and brother-in-law Charlie a wink, and slamming the door to the study shut.
Charlie's new girlfriend Alicia sat on the blue loveseat, eyeing Tonks carefully. She and Charlie were in England for their first official "meet the family" visit, and so far it was not going quite as smoothly as Alicia had hoped. Charlie had insisted that starting with Bill and Tonks, to whom he was closest, was the best plan. They had arrived earlier that afternoon, and Bill had been interrogating her since the moment she walked in the door. While she could tell that it was more to piss off Charlie than out of any real problem with her or malice, it had made for a stressful afternoon.
Now Tonks was home from work and was whisking Alicia away from the boys with the promise of quiet and booze, but Alicia wasn't quite sure what to make of the woman yet. Though she knew Tonks by reputation (the only Metamorphmagus at Hogwarts, an accomplished Auror, and Charlie's childhood best friend turned teenage romance turned adult best friend/sister-in-law) they'd never had any real interaction before. She wanted to give Tonks the benefit of the doubt, but she was exhausted from travelling straight after a weeklong session of gruelling Quidditch practices with a new coach who had an affinity for yelling.
Taking a deep breath, Alicia tried to relax and look like she actually wanted to be here, because she was stupidly in love with Charlie Weasley, and everyone knew that if you wanted to be with a Weasley (with any long term success, at least), you had to get in well with the family.
"I do apologise for my husband. He's not usually that much of a wanker, but he turns into a complete numbskull when it comes to Charlie—I'm sure there's some psychological explanation about older siblings or something, but mostly he's just a moron."
"Well, it's not like Charlie doesn't have his share of moronic moments," Alicia allowed, smiling tentatively.
Tonks let out a long laugh, then offered her houseguest a wide grin and a glass of bubbly. "To those of us who are lucky—and at times unlucky—enough to be with a Weasley man. It is a long, perilous, and frustrating road, but there are some damn fine perks."
"Hear, hear," agreed Alicia.
"They may be emotional dunces at times, and I for one could do without the self-righteous, hot-temperedness, but they make up for it with cleverness and general hotness."
"Agreed—gorgeous, the both of them. To gorgeous men." Alicia lifted her glass and Tonks enthusiastically clinked her own against it.
"To freckles—everywhere!" Tonks toasted, waggling her eyebrows.
"To annoying sibling rivalries and family issues that we only children will never fully understand," Alicia said, finishing off her glass.
"Oh, sweet Merlin, yes!" Tonks refilled their glasses. "And to their stupid bravado and bad jokes and cocky swaggers!"
"And cocks!" Alicia giggled.
"Yes," Tonks agreed solemnly. "Definitely to those. And to loyalty and friendship, too."
"To a heart of gold underneath a thick layer of dirt and dragon dung," added Alicia with a soft smile.
Tonks glanced at their nearly empty glasses and shook the bottle slightly, affirming it had been finished off.
"To Weasley men and how lucky they are that we put up with them and – "
"And how lucky we are to have them!" finished Alicia.
They clinked their glasses one last time, drank the last of their champagne, and grinned. It was nice to have another girl in the family.